Well, it's almost here again, isn't it. Christmas. And, er... Like every year, I find myself confronted with the annual conundrum of what presents to buy everyone. What presents to buy family and friends. Er, well fortunately I don't really have any friends. So, er, that's half the battle won already. But still, there's still family to take care of. And so far I've spent the last 20 minutes working on this bespoke Christmas scene. The good news is, in Japan, when you want to buy things, but don't know what it is you want to buy there's an amazing shop to get the job done. It's called Don Quijote and it's a huge, giant emporium. A giant discount gift store where you can find pretty much anything. Except dinosaurs and self-worth. You can especially find bizarre, poorly branded items. After all, this is the shop where I first discovered Black Man underwear. A questionable brand of underwear whose target market I am still struggling to comprehend. But if you need ideas and inspiration for things to buy that ultimately you neither need, nor really want then Don Quijote is the best place to start. So... let's go and see what we can find. Let's get some inspiration for Christmas presents. Off we go. If you're the type of person who likes to wear only premium fancy dress products, Don Quijote has got you covered. Who needs expensive Nintendo license products when you can get... Red Capman! Which is basically Mario, except there's just an R on the hat, instead of an M. If you're more of a Luigi person, then, er, don't worry. There's Green Capman as well! Also with a G. Now, maybe you're a girl, and you're thinking "I don't want to go as Red Capman." "I don't want to go as Green Capman, either." Don't worry. There's Red Caplady as well! Fun for everyone! Nobody gets left out. Look at the enthusiasm etched on her face. Vending machine costume. Look at that. That is pretty good, actually. Oh, it's got the exact quote you would use if you were wearing this costume. And, there's another one. Of course there's another one. Post Box. It's a tough one, isn't it. Would you rather go to a party dressed as a post box or a vending machine. I live the, um, level of distain by the people wearing these costumes in the photos. It doesn't look like he's enjoying it on any level. He just looks really angry. I suppose I would be if someone tried to post a letter into my face as well. In the run up to Christmas, Don Quijote is a great place for stocking fillers. I don't suppose there's going to be much demand for these anymore. I'm surprised there was in the first place, though, to be honest. Nothing says "Christmas spirit" like a reindeer gimp mask. But look at the picture on the back. Look at this guy's face! This is the worrying reality of what this would look like. How could you conceivably think about wearing this? Imagine you go on a date with a guy and you go back to the apartment and things go well, clothes come off. And the guy pulls down his trousers or pants to reveal Sappy Underwear. Why would anyone buy underwear with the word "sappy" written on the top. Like... people like to brag about wearing Calvin Klein underwear But, Sappy? Really? Why did someone decide this was a good idea? ...to have as a name on boxers? I don't know. Sappy! That's the one word you don't want. Finally, a hat that speaks to me! Look at that. "Evolution Motor!" "Two-wheeled motor vehicle power by an engine!" I love it when hats describe vehicles. I look at this, and I think, "It's not a lollipop." "This is a bloody murder weapon." Look at that, you could take someone out with that. I don't know why that thought is going through my mind. Coins! This is a piggy bank that takes 500-yen coins. It takes up to 600 coins. And, if you filled it up to the top, that's 300,000 yen. $3,000. I can't imagine just having $3,000 in a Coink, like on the shelf, though. That'd take a pretty big level of dedication to have that kind of money just sitting around. When I think piggy bank, I think small change. Personally, the Coink... missed the point. As per usual, the best English comes on sanitary products. In this case, a toilet seat cover. Which just says, "Let's choose the favorite color from a lot of colors." "For your best life-styling and spending in your sanitary space." I suppose if you are going to spend a lot of time in your sanitary space, You do want to be sitting on your favorite color. That's not a good color though, is it? It looks like... again... dirty... It just looks dirty and horrible. I don't know why anyone would buy that. Oh my god, there's more. It's the full set. The full Sappy set. Sappy fullback! Look at that! "Undercover of the complete body." The underwear just aren't enough. You have to get the full set. This is a robot assistant. They're used in lots of shops across japan. No. Most advanced robot in Japan. He's utterly useless. Don Quijote. The same shop where you can find walking sticks, boots and shoes, and a fucking snowplow. All in the same section! Just for fun! The best thing about Don Quijote everything is overwhelmingly priced. I'm not even making... "Overwhelming price." Genuinely. And I think that just about sums up the store, really. Whenever I'm walking around anyone of the aisles, I feel pretty fucking overwhelmed by how much stuff there is. All the colors, the music, the noises, the signs... is just overwhelming. Overwhelming price, overwhelming shop. So that's Don Quijote, and I can't leave here without a selfie. Yeah. Well, that was interesting. Not really sure what to buy anyone for Christmas still, though. I saw lots of things, but nothing really caught my eye. Ah, fuck it. Sappy and Coink for everyone. Yeah. Maybe I'll get the Sappy fullback. And, uh... I've got to get five or six Coinks. I'll get the green one. I like the green one the best. Yeah. This is gonna be a great Christmas.
