James Acaster - Just for Laughs Montreal Comedy Festival Gala 2022

[Applause] foreign [Applause] came into my school and gave a talk about a spinning wheel back home that always like gets a reaction like people like so weird but I know that over here you're like yeah we assume all British schools do that just to teach each other about spinning wheels and then go back to your Castle but just so you know it's weird back home as well I didn't have much money so they asked my grandmother to come in and talk about a spinning wheel for a lesson and at the end of the the talk that she gave she said right hey did any of your kids want to get up and have a go on the spinning wheel and my hands shot up immediately right because as far as I can remember always if I've ever been watching someone on a stage or given a talk I've always wanted to be up there I was like now's my chance I'm finally going to get on stage definitely because she'll pick me this is my nan right I've put in the hours with her she already liked him and his [ __ ] kids she didn't know any of these punks she definitely I know at five that it would have been looked insane if she had gone who wants to have a ghost from the spinning wheel yeah my grandson who I see every Sunday has never once showed an interest in my life or the spinning wheel come on up I didn't know that long story short she chose three other kids and I this is a classy move burst into tears and then she panicked and was like okay you can come up and use it because you're not a teacher she doesn't know that that was the worst thing she could have done she was like yeah yeah okay come up then fine and I went up I was in floods of Tears using the spinning wheel in front of all my classmates as they're crying and spinning wool relentlessly that was my first time ever on stage and when I told my therapist that story it was like um yeah okay well that'll be that then that'll be the answer to everything we've been talking about in all the sessions every time you're in an audience and you're not on stage I feel like your grandmother doesn't love you and then when you're on stage you feel like you're crying in front of all of your classmates and you humiliating yourself that's called a breakthrough you owe me double this session then you said this is what you've got to remember James every time you're on stage it's not just you up there that little boy is there too and you've got to protect that boy every time you're on stage which just so you know uh is more stressful than just doing stand-up every time I'm up here I'm like just walking out on stage protect the boy I gotta protect the boy for the whole thing and if someone had goes I'm like [ __ ] you he's a boy he's a boy I don't always protect the boy I try once it's like seven years ago I walked out on stage and I was like really super duper baby face back then and I walked out and a lady immediately shouted out she went oh does your mummy know you're up this late and that is a Heckle aimed directly at the boy does your mummy know you up this late and I didn't like it made me feel bad she said it seven times and this is a roundabout way of telling you that this is the story of the time that once I claimed on stage that my mum was dead when she wasn't that's how I dealt with that heck all the seventh time around does your mummy know you're up this late my mum is dead and then I added unnecessarily really recently as well [Applause] here's the thing if you're trying to protect a boy don't joke about his mum being dead for no reason the boy didn't make the boys feel any better me and the boy were going to hop in the guard I was like I'm sorry I lied about your mum being dead mate just trying to protect you um I'll level with you there's a clock at the back it says 40 seconds I've not got any material that lasts that long [Applause]

Channel: Clem Fandango

Views: 142,358

Keywords: james acaster, taskmaster, montreal, just for laughs, montreal comedy festival, melbourne comedy festival, stand up, comedy, stand up comedy, britcom, uk humour, hecklers welcome, cold lasagne, cold lasagne hate myself 1999, temps, ed gamble, nish kumar, stewart lee, rose matafeo, ricky gervais, jonathan ross, jonathan ross show, jonathan ross james acaster, celebrity hunted, celebrity hunted james acaster

Id: hbmaNr3edYI

Length: 4min 18sec (258 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 11 2023