Ivy Male Orator Aaron Henricks | Harvard Commencement 2016

mm my fellow seniors proud parents and overzealous high school juniors watching the livestream welcome to class day now of course it's an honor to be here with rashida Jones rashida I'm a huge fan no one is better at playing the Friends of funny people than you are we are about to graduate from what is according to dozens of publications and Chinese grandmother's everywhere the best school in the world yeah now many of us here myself included never even dreamed that we would get in even though I think my good friend Todd Lowell Annenberg the fourth had a pretty good idea now we're here today to talk about the future now the future is one of those words that terrifies Harvard students like b-plus or expose ten what are we going to do next like most government concentrators I am brilliant and I've already figured out this what to do with my future question and like a government student taking a take-home final I'm going to share my answers with you today unlike the co checkers at freshmen formal ladies and gentlemen I know exactly what I'm doing I am going to do something that no Harvard student has done before and I'm about to make pretty big news announcing it today ladies and gentlemen I Aaron Hendricks and going to colonize the nearby planet of Mars mother-father contain your pride that's right everyone although it seems like Harvard students have done everything humanly possible no Harvard student has gone to Mars yet and before you say it I have reviewed the tapes Matt Damon's trip was staged and I really can do this my GoFundMe already has $20 only 7 billion to go now donations of five dollars will get you a postcard from Mars donations over 100 million will get you a postcard and a keychain I am going to be the very first human being to step foot on Mars and right now I want to convince all of you the class of 2016 to come with me on my galactic journey in this sense think of this speech as one final recruiting session except everyone gets a job of course for the record I will be Neil Armstrong and the rest of you Buzz Aldrin losers but still imagine it hundreds of thousands of miles away Mars awaits more fun more free more tan the place of our dreams think Stanford but a planet now I know what many of you in the audience are thinking right now I already have plans this doesn't fit on my resume I can't find my grandson and sure many of us are already wildly successful some of you have made scientific breakthroughs in labs others have performed across the globe well just yesterday I got through one of those try not to laugh or smile YouTube videos without laughing or smiling but even the Rhodes Scholars among us will have to eventually take off their robes remove their powdered wigs and ask themselves could I have done something truly extraordinary trust me when I say this exploring a new planet is a more extraordinary idea than whatever you have planned we'll be entering a totally new and bizarre world disrupting the past and inspiring countless generations to come it's like we're new girl members of the speed now for those of you who might not know what the speed is it's a former single sex gender exclusive social space that's now a gender inclusive exclusive social space not to be confused with the current gender exclusive social exclusive spaces those are the bad ones now while you're up here I have one question Dean chronic do these sanctions apply to my bedroom because it's been single sex exclusive for four years now I find myself digressing we as a class need to go to Mars because going somewhere new is what life is all about even though Mars won't be that different from the Harvard we know and love Mars has no oxygen Harvard has no hot breakfast on weekdays at Harvard you have black mates well on Mars you will have pod mates or in my case they will say they'll be your pod mates and then kick you out last minute through a series of snapchats unfortunately there is no geotag for rock bottom obviously like Harvard the new Mars colony will also be exclusive there will be places you won't be allowed to go not because which white boys say you can't but because the radiation will kill you experts tell us that at first we'll live in cold rocky tunnels underneath the Martian surface but to that I say it can't be worse than Winthrop oh but they're renovating it no Harvard you are putting lipstick on a pig Dean Khurana tear down that house the intense trials and tribulations of Harvard classes and activities have prepared us for anything even a hostile planet for divest Harvard Mars is perfect for you no fossils to fuel even though with temperatures in the negative 100 degrees even you may wish it was getting warmer now pre-law students you'll be able to write up rules on a new planet that ensure religious liberty so that cs50 TF s can still worship their God King David Malan printf bless His name for students who may want to perform a black mass well besides the Cong the red planet may be the last desolate wasteland willing to host you and finally for the famous Quidditch team since there's reduced gravity on Mars you're insane delusions of flight will be slightly less disturbing it's going to be hard but given time and if we pool I'd averse resources I know that we can master life on Mars or better yet we can faculty Dean it now I know that some of you regrettably may not join me and that's okay it's not the first time I've been told no just ask the Lowell dining hall card swiper but let's face it it's okay if you don't come with me just because you don't have a two billion dollar spaceship and enough dried food to last a lifetime which I will have one day doesn't mean you're not stepping out into the unknown for me I'm going to Mars because I love exploring and because Goldman wouldn't hire me but we'll all be crash-landing into something completely new tomorrow morning we will miss our friends dearly we will hate our own cooking and we will from time to time wish desperately that we could take a rocket back to the comforts of Harvard I am here to tell you today that that is okay no one in the history of the world has discovered anything about the surroundings or themselves without missing the past or fearing what's to come except maybe yo-yo ma that guy really got it but thanks to the last four years here and to each other I know that we are ready for what's next so to the class of 2016 good luck whether you're heading to a new job a new city or a new planet I know that the future doesn't have to be scary in fact it's going to be fantastic our cars will fly higher than our inflated GPAs Harvard's endowment will be bigger than our expanding Sun and it's acceptance rate will be smaller than the polar ice caps unlike Matt Damon we will actually go to Mars and unlike Matt Damon tomorrow morning we will actually graduate from Harvard College thank you so much you

Channel: Harvard University

Views: 53,566

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Keywords: harvard, harvard commencement, harvard graduation, graduation, graduation speech, commencement speech

Id: aOr3rwyy5tk

Length: 10min 29sec (629 seconds)

Published: Wed May 25 2016