It's Time To Tell The Truth

okay okay um this is um okay n asks when you reach the stage of being set in life from streaming how did you feel and how did things change I think that question has a lot of components to it and it has to be broken down but I think they're all like healthy things to talk about and share and don't sh them [Music] um I feel like I I feel like I was set for life way before I was set for life in um in terms of money so when I stopped being a [ __ ] about my abilities and my um and my skills and my value I was always thinking it that my value was fluctuating and would go away and that sucked for a time because it gives you imp POS syndrome which is very common in people that make content creation it makes you feel like you're not worth it or you're not good enough and that sucks but then but then um after a while when you realize that like doesn't matter how far down you go you go and you always go back up and you can always uh get new heights you start building what we call uh intrinsic value and in the value is like value that you know isn't tied up to a number or something something that you canedo again if things fall and crash and things happen you can build it up again right and having that ability makes you feel rich even though you don't have the money and that's how I felt when I um left OverWatch League because um I didn't I didn't have that much money I mean I was pretty good but I wasn't like I wasn't like loaded and after I left I did variety and [ __ ] like that and people still watching enjo the stream and I still the content I thought was really good I was like wow today I didn't even and I at that point I had already removed the viewer account um I was like that was actually just I could just I could feel this was a good content or that I did good content and I have to look at Stats to tell me that it was good content and after that I felt like well if would I do that on YouTube or on Twitch or on somewhere I'll find somebody or or people or a company that will find Value in that and then I'll I'll be set so I feel like I was already set even when I wasn't right and that madebe that gave me the ability to take bigger risks and to stop being so defensive of my future um because I could build it I I could build it again if I needed to and then I and I have it um which gave me like a lot of security right but then I realized that when I have all of that it sometimes it'll make other people want it right and something that I I realize is that the people around me aren't all safe and aren't all secure and aren't all set for life right and that creates sometimes um Discord between people and it makes things different because because the way that I act the things that I do the things I can justify well I I can justify for them or whatever does that make sense and then um maybe maybe some people they they want that and whatever and I felt I always felt like it was trash because even though I feel like I was Secure and I was all good um other people want the same sort of like security or whatever um which is I guess enough I just felt like at a at a time um when I finally like was doing better in terms of money whatever right I don't think you understand like when I say when I say that I wouldn't spend any uh money like ever I wouldn't spend ever like I didn't buy anybody gifts I didn't buy myself gifts I didn't buy I didn't buy T-shirts I bought nothing because I felt like um I almost felt like I was crowdfunded um and that is hard to explain but it just didn't feel good because um it felt like I somebody was giving me money and I was spending it and it never that never felt good for me well I am but I'll exp I'll explain it in another way in a minute chat I'm R about this question but there's a lot of components to it there's lot of components right so I I don't want to ramble I I'll I'll give you one know okay so then what was I saying yeah yeah so I wouldn't spend any money because I felt like it wasn't mine and and you can say whatever you want about this I'm not here to sell you on the idea I'm not here to convince you I'm the question at face value and I'm just telling you I didn't say it was a it was justified I'm saying that's how I felt so I felt like the money was never mine so I never spend any of it and I was always hard to um people around me because everybody around me was like oh you have a lot of money uh we could do this we could do that we could do this we could do that and I was like well I don't want you because and it was hard for me to explain it to them and then I just always act the same way whether I had money or not and then for them they didn't really get it because it's like they see all the money coming in and it's like it's that's does that make sense so then and then and then one day after years are you [ __ ] kidding me you bust a [ __ ] ass um okay I still uh hold up I'll put some Loy or some [ __ ] this going it's going to get too crazy okay okay okay this this part is very important this this this part I'm about say is very important and then I was able to get a twitch contract which is a on to one with twitch instead of um just being a normal partner as like an upgrade partner whatever right and then I started getting what you would call corporate money so instead of like um instead instead of having the money from like all the views or whatever it was more like it was very corporate money now it's like money from Amazon and at that point when I when I started getting that well I was like I got very I didn't get destructive but I got like um I got the opposite at that point instead of having feeling guilty that like if I have like I have like people's money now I was like bro now I got like corporate money and now I want to just [ __ ] get rid of it almost you know cuz it's a it's a whole different ball game right um it's really dumb it's really it's really weird uh andity is is that just felt me like like even even though I didn't I still didn't care about money in itself everybody around me isn't me cared about it and that always created the distance between me and other people cuz it's really annoying when you have something they don't care abouts and everybody around you cares more than you do about your own thing it's like if you [ __ ] buy like a Nintendo and it's like everybody really cares about it and you don't just want to like hang out with them but like for them it's like oh yeah D I really want to play Nintendo and like yeah I have it but I don't I don't I don't care for it that much like I and all all people want to do is just play with play with it that that's GNA that's going to how how I felt a little bit that make sense or not um and that changed a little bit which kind of sucked um that sucked and then oh this is [ __ ] stupid yeah I'm I'm just going to I'm just going to bend this guy I'm not going to bother that um I don't know why I saw that I just I just B this um yeah I have I have um I have real estate houses and [ __ ] stocks and [ __ ] yeah I have crypto and [ __ ] standard stocks and [ __ ] and high-risk socks and some absolute dog [ __ ] um uh I'll about a minute I have a bunch of other ones um I was talk about like fan stuff before yeah I like that a lot that's a good question I mean I think I spoken about it before for that's more of a personal question and I I think some people can learn from that and some people that that I feel since I'm old now or older people think this is negative people think it's like a negative thing and it's not um I think in my core personality there are two components that that're very important to me um that sound bad but since I've mastered them because I've always lived like that they're they're kind of good I have one a super addictive personality and two a super self-destructive personality which mixed together can kind of like go crazy but it's not it's it's manageable um these are things that I think like make me who I am whatever and I don't want to fight them too hard because um for me being self-destructive has never been a a really a problem because I always destroy things that I was able to create and make again so like a lot of times a lot of times well here's an example I play OverWatch okay and I back in the days I was like always nearing like top 10 um even before I was a streamer nobody everybody knew me on solo nobody knew me from uh from stream I I I stream but nobody I mean nobody the we watched um and there is stretches there is times where like I I would play like 15 hours type [ __ ] and i' be at be in the morning it be like 5 in the morning Sun's up already right and the cues are really bad so you're getting like really bad matchmaking because nobody plays the game at that point um I was getting games that are like 2,000 rated under me so like I was playing I was top 10 I was playing games with diamond players and they were just not playable they were just not winnable okay and then I would lose and I would lose and I would lose and I would and after like 15 losses in a row instead of going to bed I was like you know dude I don't care man [ __ ] this [ __ ] and I would keep playing and I would keep playing and sometimes I would lose like brother I I would lose like 20 plus games in a row and I would drop down like I I would drop because when when you win when you win games you don't have 100% win ratees right you you're going to end up 60% win rates at lower at lower ratings so it's like it would take me days to make back the rating that had I had lost on that one nights and every time I still did it okay because it felt so destructive it felt like I wanted like that pain or whatever I I I wanted that and it feels really good when you're self-destructive as to destroy things it feels really good it's unhealthy it's bad and you shouldn't do it but the real is that for me it felt really good to destroy things especially when I know I have the ability to build it again and the reason why I think it's a good thing overall is that I learn a lot from losing and I learn a lot from going down when it's time to go back up again and knowing what to do when things are really bad and the things that you do you become like skilled at being down bad right and whenever you don't want to self-destruct you you're trying you're doing good right and you go down and things break in your face and it's very very tough right well now now people get uncomfort most people will get uncomfortable cuz they'll be like oh dude things are really bad right now um I feel so lost but when you're somebody who self-destructs a lot being down bad is like your home it's like you master it so at that point you're down bad you're like okay so what I mean I I I've been here most of most most of my life I've been here all the time I'm always here so like how is this a challenge it's it's become BEC very very easy to overcome um challenges and obstacles when you're used to being that state and when you master that you feel Invincible because it makes you feel like whatever happens you're going to make it regardless so even though I do think that momentarily when I do St destru Behavior it's bad I don't I don't like it but I know it's happening I try not to be too defensive of it I try just take it uh think it for what it is you know because I I know that like it'll it'll it'll pan out um and that that feels really good okay ging is fine think I I I I think I I over over overdo it I think I over over like I think games are fine I just I just kind of um it's obvious that I I learned a lot in my head what I say when I think is completely different things that was and I missed it yeah this is um yeah I just yes yeah absolutely yeah my my trust in people is completely destroyed uh what [Music] else you play games you actually enjoy instead of sh stopping and not playing on stream like some s you talking about um I think a lot of it become um I want to like waste people's times so I feel like um it's like not good enough or like I'm wasting people's time makes me feel kind of guilty it makes me want to like do other things it's a bad behavior but I I know it happens a lot I have an accountant he's like a crack I think I think he's I think he thinks crack I these are both fun questions why is there in here why is that um oh come on man you really did that I didn't read that um I think actually I know um there's a bunch of things that that something I'm getting my goals and um the main thing is um sleep problems are really really bad um um um um um um that's really bad some like anxiety [ __ ] and other things are kind of annoying um but that doesn't that never that never stopped me but um yeah the obvious is really [ __ ] annoying I'm I'm give it a that's just annoying it never never if I'm doing anything it just made me upset set um made me learn a lot I I have I've adulted a lot ever since um things started which is a good thing at the same time um I always believe that certain lessons come at a price and you pay with its money or time to learn something you want to learn it but it with it costing not a lot and it sucks it does cost a lot but if you think about it most of my like you know like like getting scammed right most of my lessons around being scammed were all already learned from when I was really young I played Diablo 2 I played I played um wow I learned a lot about it right so like these are lessons that at the time were very costly but in the general in the General in in the general sense of the word not very costly and made me act differently and then I I got to learn but my current situation made me learn about a lot of things um and I never want to associate um poorly like a lesson and being overly defensive cuz well you don't want to become you you don't want to get like let's say let's say I don't know somebody wrongs you you don't want to see everybody like that because then it sucks and it's like well you didn't learn anything you're just being you just being an asset at that point cuz now put in the same box and now you you're just you're ruining possible good things in your life because you're you're over analyzing it um so I think I've been doing a pretty good job at separating both but still looking up from it and I feel for a long time I hadn't like um I wasn't even on my own side it I feel like a lot of times like I didn't even I wasn't on my own side it because I I just sometimes you don't believe that people can change that much and it's like I don't know you I I got carried away you know um that sucks um but in terms of actual goals and [ __ ] like that not a lot of things I think I think sleep sleeping problems are really bad because then you have less energy and energy is everything and that really was sucked but other than that not much I'm kind of chilling to be honest um there isn't that much that I missed that on um one thing I really want to do is do like shows stuff like that and you know what I actually real that I'm just bad at it I'm just bad and you know what that's fine you don't have to be good at everything I'm just dog [ __ ] you know and once you learn that like it grounds you lot I wanted to try it I wanted to try it and it sucks that the stream is bigger now cuz like it's like everything has to be successful these days right but it's like it sucks cuz it's like I just it I I had to try it and one of the things one of some of my goals were all around that so being able to try it I to say okay we suck at this boom we're done that's fine right um so most of my goals aren't achieved because I have have obstacles or problems they're just different goals I just Chang I just changed U goal line because I feel like just streaming every day and doing doing this doing this thing is cool now but I want to try other stuff um that are kind of related right see if I was good at it have fun with other things but I'm just better at it so that's easy it's I didn't give up I just like we just don't have the massive ability to do that I could learn it I could be better but it's very timec consuming and I don't think the result will be that natural I want to be natural and the loading curve can be entertaining but I don't think I I don't think it would have been and no I it would been pretty bad to be honest um I think at that point it's not worth it uh okay that's out the way um yeah I think I I think that was actually good question answer I'll go it really fast I enjoy moving because I've given up entirely I'm not kidding it took me years to believe this I've completely given up on settling down I I I give up that that you know what I said I don't like I don't like certain things taking away from the main thing and blah blah blah h n that ship I [ __ ] that [ __ ] I don't give a [ __ ] um that that doesn't apply here I get I get one I get a free pass I get a card I I I I check it in um I don't care I use all my experiences and the conclusion is I can't stay in one place and I don't give a [ __ ] [ __ ] that [ __ ] okay so yeah I enjoy moving because I have to uh yeah maybe if I retire maybe I don't know probably not what it Miss say to me that I I changed my opinion about it I think um something I often forget when looking outwards at people I fail to look inwards simultaneously and understand that some things have a ridiculous and astronomical amount of details and small components that draw a picture and sometimes the picture gets drawn for you and you forget um that other components happen and then I don't give the people the leeway that I would have I like to be given to myself and it makes things blurry it makes things hard to understand and it makes it so you lose track of what's actually real and that sucks um that doesn't make sense I don't think I think I don't think I spoken in code I think if you could write down what I said I didn't it make sense um I have absolutely zero positives or I gain nothing from these friendships or these people these people I learn I learn nothing um quite literally um I just did it because I wanted to and I felt like things snowballed out of proportion when comes up to my involve when it to my involvement and my I just felt like I it's not really what I wanted to do and what I wanted in respect I would have done it differently and um it's kind of trash uh uh the people true love exists yeah just find the right people okay this is something okay that people are going to be very defensive about and I'm going to tell you how I'm going to tell you how it is I'm going tell you how it is um all I think the problem is that these days this is not only with this community I think it's the internet as a whole people want to set fires everywhere and then um blame everything else but themselves for uh the fire being there and it's a it's a very core component of the current social media uh meta um people want to post some really weird [ __ ] um and you know you know like the big tweet guys that get a lot of likes on on Twitter and in on your for you page all these guys will post the most D gen [ __ ] and when things blow up in their face they'll take a step back and be like yo I just reposted something some somebody posted that I just I just retweeted I don't even know what the [ __ ] that even is I I just and that's kind of where we're at um so I think we're we're in this internet meta of like and I'm way too I don't I don't mind the whole everything burning down because it's like I think most things should be burned down to be honest um but when it's our it's always different I mean dude everybody wants all the buildings to burn up until it's their building then they every then they care and it's guys what the [ __ ] is this guys oh yeah some arrived guys burn down the [ __ ] buildings I don't give a [ __ ] bro I'm chat as [ __ ] man I'm chatted the [ __ ] out burn that [ __ ] bruh wait my house what the [ __ ] is your problem what the [ __ ] is this [ __ ] what is wrong with you bro that's kind of how we are right now in I think in this state of society but um yeah that's my thought about that um so how does that correlate to the community that correlates as in um people have been doing like really weird [ __ ] in my opinion over the years and then it's gotten like worse what is this [ __ ] game it's got the worse to the point where like um people try to like just people try to find like the the the more the most mundane thing I've done so just find like the stupidest [ __ ] um which is my was is really really odd it's like it's like people generally want to be Pa social they want to be and it's like at times I did things that like generally Fosters that behavior and then I stopped and then um and then and then a afterwards it's like well we acted par social because he did that like a year ago Dude so like we want to go hard and it's like but he did like two years ago so we're going to go way harder and then oh dude like I only posted this guy's address because like he he like said um yo guys this like years ago and it's like people like justify more and more and then they do the dumbest [ __ ] and back in the days we used to have a community more towards like the style of [ __ ] like foren where it's like actual good banter good jokes like just just like the goofiness of existing just being goofy and like oh dudee this guy's a [ __ ] Hunchback dude like posture LOL W and these days it's not like posture l w it's like Yo dude disgusting ass piece of dog [ __ ] [ __ ] posture looking like piece of trash [ __ ] ugly piece of dog [ __ ] it's like okay like I think we've went from like actual funny creative banter SL memes creation to actual degenerate insult based Behavior which really is like people think it's like a more but it's it's a less you you lose out on like a lot of cool [ __ ] because that brings stuff like oh dude I'm going to SN in this game and I'm going to call him a mop head it's going to be really funny and then people think oh wow this guy maybody laugh what I'm going to do then I'm going to log in and I'm just going to I'm just going to call him the N word right guys guys right guys right that's so funny dude and it's like people try to ramp up like their impact um without the Finesse and without the good intention and without the actual thought behind it and what that causes is that everybody jumps on that bandwagon and then we have less good things and that's just kind of How It's been recently literally and you could have B me you want and people said it oh yeah dude well we started using lil bro and insulting it because that it's his and like I said earlier the justification people were like dude he collabed with Kai like two times for a total of 1 hour a month for like that's like that's like two hours bro like we're like them now dude like we don't give a [ __ ] like it's it's like people just justify the behavior through a bunch of Hoops and that was one of them it's like I just want I I've always thought there's a massive amount of value in life when it comes down to clash so what I think Clash is is um when you put somebody in it in the wrong box on purpose like you put let's say just okay here's an good example when they put Like Rappers in like a an Esports tournament like when they had like Lil yachty playing a Rainbow Six right I think it's I think it's Deen um and I think that's what grounds people down because it's funny because you you put somebody in the wrong spot and you see how they act and it makes good funny results and I thought I think that's funny as [ __ ] I think that's like that's I think that's pure comedy okay and that's funny and when I saw like the the kai Aiden guys I relate to nothing of these guys L not nothing like maybe couple things here and there whatever and I thought these guys I don't know what the they're about I'm going to jump in whatever they're doing so a bunch of like um even some you guys remember this um we played um Friday 13th right and then I jumped in there and it was a disaster it was the most Deen content of all time right because we had nothing in common and it was funny and I always thought this is like one of the best content is when you put people that don't belong in the same in same and it becomes a d genfest and my my the nature of why I did those things was I just want to have fun and then of course like I said earlier about the other topic which kind of goes with the same box like dude he's play with these guys because they have views he's play with these guys because they're trending play because because and people made all these narratives of why I did it right and then they justed a bunch of hate and a bunch of like weird Behavior change because I did it most like I Just Want to Have Fun me people I want I just want to make content like it's it's a raw positive for everybody and people forget that back in the days when when when I did that these guys didn't have viewers literally they just they just didn't like all the kai had like like like 4K I think at the time or something these guys were just all quote unquote nobody's literally and people forget that because it was about making content it wasn't about getting views or getting traction or some nefarious [ __ ] ending you want me to have and you want me to P me as a as as a bat like I just did for fun and now that they have views now everything changes well you did that because guys it before nobody guys it um upscaling numbers for it for it to make sense to you if you're let's say 40K 50k 60k Andy whatever right and I hate you working on andies but this is people that that brought this discussion up on me if you're talking about if you're talking about leeching of other people you have 60k 4K is a nobody it's you're not going to gain much out of that like if your goal if your if your goal if your goal initially was to get views and go crazy you're not going to DM a fork Andy at 60 to [ __ ] ball out so you make the argument that I did it to ball out your argument doesn't make sense that's what I'm trying to tell you is that doing these things wasn't made to ball out it was made to have fun I mean people people forget among us we played people that had that had four viewers dude at the time when things were blown up I had like 80k viewers 70 bro I played with people that had less than 10 viewers that's it because what because Want to Have Fun want to make content that that was the that was the the root nature of the behavior so it sucks people paint that as something else that it's not because I don't think I've ever collabed somebody because they had views if anything I've in past recent times I've quite Lally declined multiple big celebrity showups because I thought there was no content there there's no value I thought me and them um it's not that we don't line up is that it just feel like it's it's just going to it's going to be bad awkward is good because it's G it but just some aren't meant to be I'm going tell you who because I want to make make people feel bad and make them feel lesser um but there's been a b there's there's been a a big big amount of um yeah this's been a bunch dude it's people know I'm not going to people said their names in chat um and that's it that that's just that's just it I I truly believe in making good things I think I can have a better stream with a zero viewer Andy doing dumb [ __ ] that I think is actual good content than having [ __ ] Beyonce on stream and having bad content cuz then all I'm doing is that I'm just getting a raw numbers from people who don't care because I'm doing something that has no value I want to do something that has value and provides value for people regardless that's a goal anyway moving on so I think they can be change in that way uh which kind of sucks cuz like we we get to do less things people forget when we act dog [ __ ] and have some behav we can do less the same way IRL gets dangerous and we can do this because of it like I told you this last time the the IRL with Kai was one of the most stressful day of my life and it's it's because I know what things are like and I had to be on my [ __ ] a game the whole time in my head I had to like I was having fun I had to look that I I wanted to show that I was having fun I was having fun at the same time my brain was in overdrive like I was thinking about like camera angle uh don't do this don't do that I I was trying to save everybody cuz these guys don't do IR very often and they don't know what can happen and it was a I didn't talk about anything that happened that day but it was a few components that like I had to [ __ ] micromanage it was like it was my brain was [ __ ] on fire like my brain was going it was crazy um oh more thunder outside so my job well it was my job by default I mean uh the what the [ __ ] me Moxy are still chill I love Moxy SMY never really wanted to um appear on camera you know what I'm going to I'm going this topic I'm going to approach it really fast because I don't nobody will care about this um this is a very complicated thing so um The Sweet Spot in life is when you find people that all your goals align together and anything Works in tandem without even talking about it because you don't have to say anything you don't have to do anything you just exist and the the people that you're with or whatever you just know you just know with Moxy it was that that's how it was it was me and him against the world um at the time especially with doing like variety people forget about this variety was [ __ ] bro uh people people don't me Moy play the dumbest game when we're complet out of energy like and we just wanted to um entertain and want to want to build something we want to build stuff stuff so we play OverWatch to continue like building a community or whatever cuz that's what people cared about at the time um but also want to do stuff that people will care about pass OverWatch which is a variety and then we're playing the dumbest [ __ ] games and we had no energy doing it and sometimes it was [ __ ] miserable but it didn't matter because it was me and him you know it didn't matter if it was [ __ ] because we had a good time because it was me and him and we could we could joke about how bad the game was after stream and [ __ ] said dumb [ __ ] and be like Yo dude that was [ __ ] cancer and then I remember sometime it was like bro that puzzle was so [ __ ] boring bro the stream was dying I [ __ ] I Googled the answer bro like I dude that's how bad it was okay um and then um that's just kind of how it was so they came a point or like sometimes I wanted to do other stuff and I want to do stuff that uh MOX didn't find fun or whatever but that happens in life that's just that's what happens and he want to like you want to like play league you want to do whatever and I didn't want to do that um and I didn't have to talk about it for me and him it wasn't a business like it never was I didn't have to [ __ ] say yo dude like you got to sit down and do this like we just did things less than us together because it just didn't line up at one point we just almost did nothing together and that's fine um he wanted to have his own stream his own thing and and I was totally okay with that I would never go against that and he knows that I would never go go against that that's just how it was um and it just kind of end like that but I always love Moxy and then his dedication to the stream was unmatched it's something that you see um [ __ ] man that's kind of that's a little different ball game but it's something that I think on the I I don't I don't I don't want to sound too cliche about this I don't want to sound like I'm too I'm reading too far into it I genuinely believe this this is something very very very important this is something that you find rarely on the internet as a whole not only on Twitch or whatever or for streams this is uh the type of uh collab slers that um you find almost nowhere in when it comes to everything Tik Tok YouTube twitch gaming because it comes from wanting to do things that I have fun right without alter motive and when not want to like make your own stream or what like of course always want my my my my my friend if you want to have a stream to have his own stream you know have his own source of Revenue right but at the same time if can consolidate on in one spot and do things for the sake of doing them right then it's like it's perfect cuz you don't have to explain anything you know things don't get weird and like um when you when you look back at it McConnell and [ __ ] McConnell and Asen gold GRE and Tyler right you look at these these jeos of people me and me and Moxy you look at these Duels of people and you realize that like how often do you see that happen anywhere rarely never because people will either leave because they want to do their own thing they want to do their own business they want to open up their own channel and a lot of people are purely result based and leech based and they they leave it's why I never understood why people said that GRE is a leech GRE is GRE made his brand on being a leech because it was funny right he made that joke he kind of played along right but people forget Greek was on Tyler's stream for years making content for free for nothing but just making people laugh he didn't want anything he ended up getting things out of it maybe it was a big long con but I think that the investment of time before everything happened definitely justifies um him getting that because at that point he deserves it you know and whether it's a long con or not what what people gain what the streamer gained from that is so much that it doesn't matter what happens at that point because he's already passed that line and in my opinion we get that line and I'm telling you this is this is not an opinion this is a fact that I'm telling you on the entirety of Internet do wingman like combo like that it's incredibly rare you're going to see that people will stick together and go past that line of being mutually beneficial most people will do their own thing way before and they'll quit and they they just they'll when they see them like security or like money they will get the [ __ ] out they will run with the bag and they will never be appear again right but for Greek for Moxy and think for McConnell it was all about providing value for people that watched they want to make people laugh they want to make good jokes they want to make good memes and they want to create a moment that people will remember um for the times to come and to leave a a small token in in history you know and I I think that um for me MOX that's how it was and then it just and then me and MOX had other goals and we just didn't didn't play anymore um that's it but still I think sometimes like a lot of my projects and things I want to do I want to do them on camera and Moxy doesn't want to be on camera and I never forced them out I never said yo boxy get out get on camera right now what I never I never I always given the opportunity I said if you want to do this we can do this and I think over the years I probably told him like 30 times projects I said yo dude I've always Tred to include them and be like Yo dude if if you do this you you could do this if this you could do that this you could do that and then I don't blame him I don't blame him for not doing it I don't give a [ __ ] I do not care because the last thing I want is in if he forg to do it and then he appears and he he feels like he's on the clock or like like he's being paid he's he's like feels like you're doing a real job and the closer you get to feeling like a real job the farther you are from making content that that matters to people and people fail to realize this it's why Among Us suck so much is that everybody got so busy that people made so much content that nobody gives a [ __ ] about you can make streams that have 100K viewers that not a single soul remember or you make a stream that has 10 of viewers that will matter to every person watching and I know a stream like that when I [ __ ] see one and I always go for that and nobody can tell me the anything else that's what that's my philosophy I that's just going I see um it's just high density value for people that's all um yes so I always felt like really cringy like when people like try to make things like oh dude like bri replacing Moxy Like Jesse replacing this guy like dude stop that it's not like that dude it's like I just I just want to hang out and people want to make content make cont if it's good it's good if it's bad it's bad and we just move on like it's just like I don't want to have this this weird like [ __ ] like competition and we're trying to have fun out here man um cars yeah I have to think about it um if first do on stream no I do the opposite no joke though I I wish people this I'm trying to sound I'm trying not to sound like I'm some sort of like [ __ ] master manipulator of chat listen it's quite the opposite though sometimes like I have to force myself to not do stuff on streaming cuz there are things that I really want to do but I know I can't do and that feels like trash because sometimes I know like Fair social farming slash drama slash this this will get weird this will get legal this will get there so many things that I think are my content brain is like [ __ ] is busting through my skull okay and I sometimes real like content brain is not fantastic like um just going to how it is um give examples well I mean I've always loved dating content I I think I'm I I'm generally decent at it I think it's [ __ ] I think it's fun as [ __ ] I think people love watching it and I think I could have I could have done a lot with it but I at the same time it makes it so I love doing long hours I like doing 10 hour streams I like doing 10 20 hour streams and the reality is is that the chat experience gets really shitty when you do stuff that makes pair socials pair social so if I do some skits and some some things around like eating it's really funny after that for an hour it's fun two hours after that I play a game for eight hours and the chat is sucking on my balls about a billion [ __ ] that just annoys me and makes everything so tank did it's why everybody that does v content don't do long streams it's why Austin show doesn't do a lot of shows it's why he doesn't his community got turned to dog [ __ ] and it's unbearable and it's boring it's predictable it's cringe just look at this chat y'all [ __ ] posted about the contestant of that 1 hour show like you still post about them right now like I still see some of you dumb [ __ ] asking questions about these people that I interacted with like five sentences 4 months ago like it's cringe it's it's unbearable but at the same time I love that content but I know I can't do it so when he said like do you feel forced to do things on stream it's the opposite I always have passion to do stuff but I have to force myself not to do things instead and that sucks you feel someone want again stream in the Curr year don't do it you shouldn't want to get into streaming it you should do it because of what you get out of it which should be fun and in enjoyment if the stream takes off it does should have forc it it will never work it'll never work I'm telling you dude just don't even don't even bother people will see through that [ __ ] like [ __ ] like [ __ ] blood okay because there's one thing people can sniff out it's being not genuine okay and when you're doing things for for profit and for fakeness people people will see through it and that makes it that you won't be able to make it like a main main thing for you unless you focus on like super um one side entertainment so like shows and whatnot which aren't very interactive on viewers is positive and negative I am blindly and and deliberately um stupid uh when it comes to my impact on people I don't want to navigate the world and content based on how it impacts people because I genuinely do not care from the bottom of my heart okay if if my stream made you unhappy or whatever it does Z I give zero [ __ ] because this is my outlet I do this because I want to how is that privileged you're a [ __ ] idiot you you you are privileged imagine thinking that I'm going to make things for make for you to feel good I don't give a [ __ ] I this has always been an outlet for me and it's how i i i i process I like to stream and talk and relase release energy into the world and if that energy sticks with you it sticks and on days that it doesn't it doesn't I'm not going to fake some weird energy and and level out my anger and my my happiness and my whatever just for to give you the right energy of so that it fits the most people and oh my God and to that's like you get crazy doing that [ __ ] you get nuts look at all the streamers that do that [ __ ] these people are miserable look watch their stream they never raised their voice they never they never they never have actual energy because the energy is all twisted and and turned down and it's all like processed and repackaged and they they don't know who they are anymore because they're everybody else but themselves to people that tuned in to watch them everybody clicks to watch them and they become everybody else and we were like oh but dude but dude I watch to see myself and this person I I don't care they give you that it's not what I what I what I'm set out to do people touch about that the juer isun you know I'm gonna go and [ __ ] go hard bro I it's [ __ ] time bro it's time Doug it's fine C it's fine blood it's time D I love that I love this question this question dude I love this question I answer every time I get it dude because people forget okay how do you feel when people talk about the juicers or about Community as a whole you think your community is more than normal you want to know why people talk blah about everybody and everything one La when people do that [ __ ] because nobody talks about their Community nobody says blah blah blah about their people well you know why because they're [ __ ] nobody's they do nothing they achieve nothing they go nowhere they don't do [ __ ] for anybody and no nobody's behind them cuz their cause sucks dick okay that's why that's why it's why they run it's what it's why they make everything about running their mouths ofbody cuz they don't sit down and do [ __ ] and you say but dude what about what about you bro bro it doesn't matter we'll do this we'll do that we'll do this we'll do that right but at one point I'll click a video I'll click a game or do some [ __ ] and we're just going to go we're going to go back to our own lane and we're going to do our own thing right and everybody goes through our boxes do do the right things and things just continue these people what happens then their stream ends they stop they it's what these guy these people do because all they have is the is the guys I'm the underdog these guys are so cringe LOL guys LOL guys we're going to talk about these look guys this is so funny dude look at these guys they're so stupid LOL but look at us and it turn around and it's there's nothing there it's void there's literally nothing nobody's behind them they're just on their own because they don't build anything and the whole concept about content creation is that you make something you make something of value for people you do something that matters and you create something and yes sometimes I'll do dumb [ __ ] that doesn't hit the mark that do go sideways something I'll do something that that that ends up being being bad by the end day we always at least try to build something of value and these people all they can do is talk because they don't have the ability to build I wish you guys understood this when you go out of the wood out when you go out of your way to be as crazy as you can at other [ __ ] when when you when you insult and and and C crash it on people you you think that it makes you above them and I will tell you this a million times and I this has to present with you okay you're going to think throughout your life that whatever you're trashing somebody you're you're you're above You're Building you're going you're doing something I guarantee you when you're going at somebody and do [ __ ] like that it says way more about you than it says about them when you say yo dude you're a this LW that all of that [ __ ] is all you and none of rarely any of them it it makes makes you it makes you smaller you have to you have to you have to yell you have to cry you have to do all this [ __ ] right to to feel like you're building something in and then you build nothing in people pray on downfall the people that PR downfall they have no castle of they didn't build [ __ ] I I'm I'm telling you this I'm telling you this I wish want this it's so important so important so how do I feel about them I I don't I don't really care at the end day they give me free promotion these guys they say the juicers suck what is juicers oh it's it's exc's juicers man and then they click in and they watch my content is better they [ __ ] they follow they watch ads they sub and they suck at my [ __ ] balls while they're super yaps and [ __ ] gives me free promotion they're literally a [ __ ] ad a walking ad for my [ __ ] people come in and they get a bit of product these people are so they're so delusional um I'm being harsh about it but I I'm being overly dramatic about this but it's just that's kind of how it is okay um all in all that's kind of how these things manifest themselves it's why I'm never afraid of collabing with somebody with other streamers because I I gen believe that I enjoy what I do and I think some people enjoy it right and I'll never stop doing my thing and if we'll find better content somewhere else from somebody else they can watch them while they want I don't it doesn't take away from me I want people to find things that they enjoy watching it if I C up with another streamer and they have more enjoyment watching them and they find Value in that so be it then that person has found better content that suits them more right and I know my ability to to get more people that'll enjoy what I do and I I I'll outr run that I'm not afraid of of of of of because being afraid makes you weak it it makes it makes you weak okay people always say dude this gu's leeching this taking advantage of you no I'm taking advantage of them okay they provide me with content right they they they they pile on they give me they Me Just Like Jesse Jess gives me content maybe stream start stream maybe more viewers right I Lee off a Jessie J's leeching absolutely not I Lee off of Jessie I I get his juice okay so that's that's how kind of these Dynamic play outs uh um um what people who blame Chad Hopper's action motivates people the one hurting CH a hot more um I think I think this is always this is always really like I generally think that this is just this just plays into the victim uh card meta I think I generally think that um outrage SL victim meta is the most played meta right now um socially and it's really insane how powerful it is um I think a lot of buzzword into the mix adds to that Dynamic it makes it even even even worse it's why it's why um we're talking about chat Hoppers it's why even chat ERS be became a buzz word now it's if I'm streaming in in and if I'm streaming and there's other streamers and my chat says some dumb [ __ ] at me it's got to be chat Hoppers it has to be because then I can I can blame my chat's dumb [ __ ] behavior on other people offload the blame on top of that I can flip it become the victim help me please help me please [ __ ] you guys [ __ ] you are guilty of [ __ ] me over please help help me and then they get to play that card and it plays in this strategic position in social dynamics and what that means is that they they get to to um extract value out of people and the reason why I'm Never Scared these people is that their streams are [ __ ] um victim Andy's streams are always absolute dog [ __ ] unwatchable unbearable and they can suck my balls genuinely okay I I'm telling you this is something I've seen over the years I've seen it time time I've been on the internet for a long time I then this [ __ ] stream [ __ ] for a long time um victim andies streams as a whole are always very bad um okay I know why because people on the internet want to appear like they care viewers like say oh I I care about your problems they don't care care they don't give a [ __ ] nobody actually cares people want to be entertained people want to live something people want to see people want to feel something okay they go to your stream you're being a victim andity all the time ain't nobody give a [ __ ] nobody actually cares okay nobody gives a [ __ ] um um um um what about other being afraid of of own Community cringe long video of the stream U the days everything that you want to call it no I'm fine H or are complicated I think I realiz that I don't want to do that I have not missed on anything I'm still young enough to do whatever I want and um I think I I did pretty bad in living my life like outside swimming um but there's a bunch of things I mean people I mean you guys say cap but I mean you're going to spend U most of your life in an n to5 and in some [ __ ] um juicing box on a in a sweat shop doing [ __ ] you probably don't won't even like and you're going to be stuck there for like a the longest time and you won't be able to live your life at all and you're be stuck with like bills and life and it's just kind of how it's going to be and then you're going to be like oh but dude I I live my life because at the end I at my job I I went and I took a beer at the corner um for like 45 minutes and it's like well your reality and then your definition of what living life is will change and shift over the years and um it just has to make sense for you and it it just has to make sense for you and whatever decision you make or path you take it just justify or um or fight for change I don't know so I just my lifestyle and I I enjoyed it I have no regrets if I don't like something I change it you need one games uh games second they usually kind of like a movie you stop watching you go back to it it's not not the same I can't do I I I I generally cannot do a saaton it's going to be bad I have sleep problems [Music] um I don't know what that means I people know about your life I think that's fine I think that's fine I mean I know I overshare about my life but at the same time um a way to process things and me to heal from things that I don't like are just saying it if I did something that I don't like and I just like last time when I when I I was dating this girl from Quebec and I I ghosted her like I told Chad about it not because I want to because I feel bad about it and I it helps me to um to do better and to heal and to process to say it and then if chat says it back to me and makes fun of me for it then it makes me like um it makes me like process f fter it's a it's a w like like a diary um yes um I I never hold grudges and that's actually good that's pretty good I think that's actually pretty good okay I genuinely do not hold grudges I've seen some of my worst enemies in real life um or people and I just I don't I can't bring myself to care I gen don't care um I get mad when people okay this is very very shortsighted and one my problems I move on so fast that sometimes people don't don't move on as fast as I do and they will act like like what are you doing and I I forgot I genely forgot that we're supposed not to like each other and then they'll get they'll get like mad at me cuz they're like dude like we're not you know they don't think that we're supposed to like like each other or something like that and to me that just feel that just feels odd because usually I I don't think I've I've rarely had a problem with somebody that I didn't move on the next next day from which also can be a bad thing cuz some things need processing or whatever but I don't like to see life as too serious sometimes same with aan yeah same with aan yeah I mean bunch of time me and aan had problems and I was more than okay with being on his stream or on his podcast or [ __ ] even the next day or having on my stream even though he's he might get viewers and he might Lee off of my stream I don't give a [ __ ] what the [ __ ] would I care I I I didn't they I Just Want to Have Fun um I have never hel with anybody I can't think of a single person that i' I've held grudges against the people that I've had grudges against are people that went like to insane lengths right and I know of and even these people I still don't give like a bit a big grudge thing like it's not like that right people that go to length that are too heavy it's like come on brother like ah [ __ ] me um um um um um um um grudges are just bad dude like I wish people understood this um grudges are bad they they you you lose something like you hold on to all that [ __ ] hatred and you hold on to all that that pain and you just hold it all in and you keep it up and it pro it's in your thoughts all the time and it's it's in your like your brain Ram and now you're [ __ ] you're throttled or some [ __ ] all the time and you're just kind of glitched in it's just it's like it holds you back from being happy like it's just trash dude like just some people don't change and what you have to do is just um you now know who they are and you just act accordingly and that's it just [ __ ] play your cards better if they're going to always be an ass crack then so be it but just act act accordingly if that means you don't say them you don't see them but holding on to a grudge per se that's bad I'm telling you it's just so bad um I I I think I've lost some things over the years by by not having a grudge and not playing my cards right with people and I'm telling you it's probably not as I didn't lose as much as I would have if I held on to that grud and lost out on [ __ ] on sleep happiness I always come out on top doesn't matter I always come out on top 100% okay um uh uh no I've never been ever no [ __ ] no I don't get burned out no that was that kind of got dark little faster um am I happy I'm happier I I enjoy uh the ups and the downs I don't fight the Downs ever I try not to I think Downs are fun I think I think being things being bad or kind of sad I understand that they're part of the process and they're just um they're part of the story and it only makes sense that it's down because at one point it's going to be up or it was up and we're trying to go to places so if if I if I if I fight if I fight it um then it it it doesn't make sense I don't let myself [ __ ] being overtaken by them but I think they're important I think I think they have value sometimes I look back at my life and I I look at the the things that were down and bad end up being some of the better parts of my life um looking back at it I just just didn't feel like that because I was fighting it so hard just don't fight it so hard sober strain brother no probably not trying to get a good juicer that this is actually you know i' I talk about this I'll for one minute and then I'll move on um uh um um um um um was oh yeah why you not care about your trophies mbilia okay this is something that is like competition philosophy okay so a lot of people are not going to resonate with this and will not understand I'm not like trying to sell you on an idea this is what the goal of tonight okay answer questions I'm going to tell you some [ __ ] what is me memorabilia memorabilia is like tokens of the past it's like uh small things that represent something of a memory okay such like um keeping an old skateboard that that made you win a competition or whatever and you keep it in your house that's that's that's a piece of me memorabilia okay it's like oh oh I remember that I remember that from from the past what it's kind of POG um I think I think I think that's what it is okay one one I think achievements are something that happen in an instant okay My Philosophy is that an achievement is something that happens once and it happens boom that's it it it just happens right and I feel like it makes me self-destructive to keep something that like that it's just okay it's just odd if I'm in a if I'm at a certain point in like a sport or like competing and I reach a height and I get something oh look a trophy or whatever right um I don't want I don't want to keep it I don't want to keep it if it feels bad to look back at it when things aren't good it feels weird it makes you feel lesser it makes you feel like sometimes um sometimes competing um in a lot of way um here's an example of how this is something that that Rodney Mullen said okay that I align with 100% skateboarding I used to I used to do it and I used to have a lot of fun with it okay I used to do I used to be crazy should be very very colorful in how I would do it and um when it come to competing I felt like the judges like they would they would judge me um on factors that didn't make skateboarding fun or good right but I still did those things to to to win right so I skated in a way to win to fit the boxes it's like asking an artist that was yeah whatever so I just did things to win and I and I win it so I I won a bunch of [ __ ] Awards or whatever the [ __ ] right and then it just felt like I did things to get that that I don't really agree with it because that's not how I want it to be that doesn't that doesn't mean anything for me like exactly like like the the the T-Mobile MVP trophy I still have it I I like I like to flex it as a joke but I generally I don't I left in California I I I don't care about it um CU I got it to like a vote and even if I didn't even if I didn't um I I got to Performance I I don't want to have I don't want to have it I think it's bad I it's too long to go into into philosophies um I'm going to B this guy um I'm going to go and B this guy I'm getting per I don't [ __ ] about what he says my bad um it's 5: a.m. I going talk to chat I mean I don't give a [ __ ] what this guy says about it I I couldn't care just a [ __ ] idiot um yeah this is too complicated to to go to this is too complicated to break down I'm I'm not I'm not it just yeah I just don't to with this um you know what watch this this question is really good people think I'm going to go to Crazy length with this question some ask I could a bu my second B um look I have a bunch of you think this is going to go sideways it won't I think I think it's generally good um there's a Bunch um okay genuinely I think oversharing oversharing has been an issue for me for sure because I like to talk about people um about stuff about me or whatever and I realize that sometimes some people want to want to listen to things so that they can get something out of you right and you you're probably thinking money and some other [ __ ] I'm not talking about that sometimes you can share a weakness with somebody right and the only thing that they that they see or hear is when will I able to use this as a weapon against them when they're at a weak point I can I can make a I can I can crush them with it that's what happens with people because When You're vulnerable with somebody all you're doing is that you're giving it ammo and people say dude dude what you're saying is not true blah blah blah you still got to be vulnerable this is conceptually and philosophically something that I don't resonate with okay when you're when I am being vulnerable to people and I overshare just for the sake of doing it right all they see is just their mag [ __ ] loading up full of ammo that's all they see that's all that that's all that it is and at the end of the day they end up using it against me one day or another and it's like um it's just how it is it's just it's just it's just how it's been that's all I mean even even even I hate to say even with chat when I had this this Dr K episode where I talked about like my dad and my past whatever people bring that [ __ ] up all the time use it against me like oh yeah dude you're like that that that time you talked about with this like [ __ ] man you're just just like them it's like oh man like Jesus Christ man and that just really [ __ ] sucks it's like you just want to share and you want be able to like relate to something or whatever and all they want to do is find a way that like use it against you some someday and get an advantage and that's really shitty um yeah so I think aailable lesson is not not oversharing it um it's probably less less of a thing but just also also with financials when people don't know the scope of things it's things are much simpler like whether it's because it's it's a lot of money or very little I think people not knowing is just better um it's always been better because I don't think there has much relevance unless you're talking about like like household budgeting or something like that um people not knowing is just way better um and that's something that I I learned like maybe I was wrong why I overthought it um I I had this girl I want to date and um I just bought this like really nice house um in Quebec and it's like it's like such a it's so nice and then um one night she's like oh yeah you want to do this and like I'll come pick you up and I just said yes I I said yes and then for an instant like I just I should had forgotten like where I live right and I felt like I feel like things changed like when they saw the house and I was like oh wait a minute that was kind of stupid um that's just that's just that's just kind of that's kind of how I felt I I I don't know to tell you that's that's to tell you that's just it's the way the way that it felt to me it and it it it made me understand that like yeah oversharing in that why because it's I mean yeah bro when when people think about like money overall um for some people for them it's like of course it's it's it's security and for people like people uh people want that it make gives them like a an ideal like oh I could be in this and I could be secured then if they're in an uncertain spot like that's they really want that and it's like oh [ __ ] like maybe I shouldn't have done that you know cuz then you want somebody to be attracted to you and you want people to be there for you not for like whatever the [ __ ] you have or whatever right you want to reduce the amount of like alter motives to almost zero if you can and if that means you have to go to like like big lengths to do it then then then so be it that's just going to that's that's not has to be and that's that's what I thought that like damn I think that's how I'm going have to do things now um what else I don't going live what if would I be nervous people can suck my balls I don't care I don't feel nervous going live like I don't give a [ __ ] like like what's going to happen yes much you know wrong I don't regret it I don't regret anything I have no regrets regrets are like the most bro how am I complaining where's this guy I'm just going to bur this guy be honest the the question is literally about about something that went wrong and I I I'm telling you about it about how I learned so you could maybe take a something out of it I don't know there guys [ __ ] branded oh is I proud of you that an opportunity to talk about um no is that buzzing went on the back this guy is buzzing in his brain in no bro why is it why do you compare streaming as worse than like a [ __ ] 9 to5 like data entry job like it's so funny I get to walk around smile and laugh and jump and go on the internet and look at the news and do some [ __ ] right well you're you're [ __ ] bust on the [ __ ] data entry putting [ __ ] two and four and five on a [ __ ] computer on [ __ ] Microsoft XO you dumb [ __ ] B Jesus dude what the [ __ ] like Jesus dude okay my bad my bad I'm just saying like it bro I'm just saying like it you can you can make a a life out of anything I think it's bad to like down like oh is bad because of this it's bad because of that just your life matters your goals matter what you do matters just [ __ ] make it make sense for you and then don't like I don't think you should go around and diminish other people in what they do to like something because you don't understand it or you don't like it I think it makes you [ __ ] stupid I'm not going to call him poor stop guys I that as a joke when I'm playing against people dude I don't give a [ __ ] about that um the most is difficult to bounce back from um current ERA for sure that made me lose trust in like everybody about your audience [ __ ] him you know what you know what let me um no I'm I'm going to tell about something I'm going tell about something and maybe it all make sense this music is going to [ __ ] make me go crazy to be honest I'll something I'll do something and hopefully um I'm not it's not like drama Andy it's just like a like a like a normal thing um maybe it'll give you a lot of answers about a lot of questions you have um I like all these topics I'll give you one experience and it will all make sense okay it's very very important for me it's like a okay okay try not to look too far into what I'm going to sell you okay don't look too far into it or try not to okay take it for what I um all right um I'll do I'll do the topic it's it's like um that was more like about like like trust and [ __ ] what was talking about um lesson Etc okay okay I'm not I'm not your cryptic I can I want it's not like that um okay okay I'll word like that I'm going tell you what this era sucked and how it kind of like began okay so way back when I told I told you guys this earlier I have a twitch contract right and then I had a twitch contract because you know how it is like people like renegotiate their contracts or whatever like and then and people have like Leverage and it's just it's just business [ __ ] okay I don't do that [ __ ] it's just my agents do that [ __ ] um and then um I was more like financially secure and but then but then um I had a bunch of like sleep problems and about about like a bunch of like uncertainty and [ __ ] like that and then I just I had a bunch of bad thoughts things kept happening that were really bad and scary and um I'm not go into details on what it is like just a bunch of things were very scary things were happening and then at one point like I kept waking up and like injuring myself and [ __ ] like that and I just felt like um I I was going to die soon that's kind of how it was I felt like I was I wasn't going to live very long and um I don't think these STS were unfounded but they were there and then my goal was to just make some money and then um do as best as I can and then leave some money for the people around me um you know just like before checking out or whatever so that's was kind of my that's kind of that was kind of like my rude thought like let's just [ __ ] ball out and do as best as we can and then I went and then I got like people to um organize everything like Investments and get all my papers in order and get a will you know so that um you know will is like no no a will is like when you die where does your [ __ ] go you know so I got like I got people and I start organizing my stuff and then getting getting a will done so that um all that would be organized and it will I'll be like I'll be set send it on I'm chilling just to put it was like a a maneuver to get my life in order pretty much and then um they start asking questions like you know CU they they have to ask questions about about what you do like um how much how much money you have like what do you have like where do you want things to go [ __ ] like that and they ask questions about you know like your status type [ __ ] so answer all the questions and then um then I then I was done so that was good and what happened then is that [ __ ] I'm trying to you know you have to say like whether you're like so I I answered truthfully I just did did I I mean dude it's it's my will like I want to be truthful like it has to be you know like it's it's it's it has to be my everything has to be super like airtight you know so I answer other questions normally and then one of them was like oh what what's your like status and then it's like well it's like single you know like like if I die like okay well money will go to like you know family and [ __ ] like that and then after that things just kind of like started like blowing the [ __ ] up you know so I was like um yeah after that this just things were crazy so I was like [ __ ] man that's kind of insane um so that's kind of like how how pretty much everything started and that was Prett I just thought I was really lame um and I think overall that made me lose trust in everybody you know cuz my intention was just to [ __ ] take care of my people if things go really bad and things were going really bad like I I was like [ __ ] myself on my sleep all the time and I kept like injuring myself I I got like I had to get stitches on my eyes and [ __ ] like um and then the house was getting swalled all the time bro it was like it was so bad you know I just I was just scared yeah about it and it's just um yeah that's it what else um what else I want to say about that there's other things I want to say about that after that there was like you know since things were blown up and then there was the [ __ ] um the [ __ ] cap things I mean I'm not going to do it again like people are not going to like that I do this and say it like that but after that was [ __ ] camp and like I was in Ken at the point at that point you know I was at home I was on M and then I was like I I I don't want to go and I tried to justify it in like a bunch of ways and I tried to like circumvent the issues and things were going on I tried to not tell people what was going on I tried to like not [ __ ] lick everything CU I want to be respectful to all the parties involved I tried to be uh diligent and chill I tried to play my cards right I Tred to [ __ ] I did the best as I could I gen did I looking back at it I tried to make as little drama as I could and because I tried to play do everything right and protect everybody I end up protecting no one and not even myself and looking back at it I realized that like by protecting no one I put a bit in danger um in danger I mean like like social scrutiny or whatever so somebody hat me for that um and I couldn't I couldn't say why uh um and then I was talking and it was like you know oh we could just kind of like play it off and like pretend and we could just kind of like do it like it's normal whatever and I was like as a as a person and as a Creator as a philosophy I can't do that I'm not I'm not going to sit there and pretend I'm not going to sit there and act like um things aren't the way that they are or whatever just for people to enjoy watching or something I I don't give a [ __ ] about viewers they can suck my BS um I'm not going to [ __ ] pretend whatever um you know I didn't want to I did I really really really really did not want to pretend I didn't want to so I didn't do that and then and then things were like bad in like because of all that things were bad in private in public in like quotequote career I don't like seeing as a career [ __ ] streaming it's not a career it's it's a hobby but regardless then things were bad privately publicly career-wise like and I just didn't know what to do I didn't know how I didn't know how to process that like I didn't know like I just felt like I did something that was so normal and so acceptable that that like I didn't do anything wrong and it just blow in my face like crazy and I was like why like I want to have a normal [ __ ] thing and it's why I told you guys earlier about like you know um oversharing and like Financial Security and [ __ ] like that and what other people want like everything just just [ __ ] annoyed me at that point like it just um it made me upset that there's a chance that people around me it'll be like that for a little while you know like um I try not to hold that against against other people I not to against people cuz like I don't want to use one experience and use against everybody but it just didn't it feel like trash uh but it's been fine though like everything everything's chill it's just that just that one thing and then yeah um I just want to see the the best in people you know I didn't I didn't want to believe that this was the way was going to go down like I I didn't want to believe I I won't yeah I what did it say surely what is that was wrong what what what is that what is it supposed to be wrong I don't get it I just don't I don't know what even could be interpreted differently you still about that [ __ ] camp there's no shot as sh C I know it's one guide but I don't know how you could be presented with this information and have this sort of reaction I don't get it

Channel: xQc

Views: 220,412

Keywords: xQc, xqcow, overwatch, twitch, highlight, variety gamer, video games, streamer, reactions, react, xqc reacts, funny, moxy, overwatch 2, memes, unusual videos, memerman, tiktok, funny memes, funny videos, fails, lsf, gaming warlord, ludwig, penguinz0, daily dose of internet

Id: G6BZdAtsI54

Length: 98min 32sec (5912 seconds)

Published: Mon Jun 05 2023