Hey guys, welcome back. Thank you for joining me for another video if you are new to my channel, my name is Stephanie I'm a life and relationship coach this week. I want to dive into healthy Love I get a lot of questions from people asking me what does a healthy relationship even look like? I don't know if I've been in one. I'm in a marriage for 20 years and I still don't really know so one of the biggest things towards a healthy relationship is responsibility so you have to be willing to take responsibility for Yourself as well as your partner, they have to take responsibility for themselves. What do I mean by that? That means that you're gonna own? when you are offended when your moon has been triggered when your ego is involved when you said something you shouldn't have When you react in a way that you know is unhealthy and a lot of us I feel like at times when we get into like either discussions or arguments or anything like that We do know that like the stuff that we're feeling is our stuff, but we just want to put it on someone else So being able to take responsibility for yourself While it is literally the healthiest thing that you're gonna start doing for yourself whether you're in a relationship or not The same goes for your partner if two people are always taking Responsibility for how they feel when I tell you a lot of conflicts will not happen a relationship you'll actually have more respect for each other because You know that someone's kind of owning their stuff and they're not trying to put it on you So that is like healthy relationship 101 so the next thing and it kind of ties into a taking responsibility for ourselves is Being able to have conflict and it be healthy. So we're going to get into arguments We're gonna get into discussions that might get a little heated because we're human and we have egos and like all of that type of stuff and we have A lot of opinions but being able to have healthy dialogue with someone else which is respectful which is listening to someone else's side of the story is Literally, it's essential that's essential for any relationship Let alone, you know a romantic relationship with your partner, but it's essential for your relationship with your friends coworkers families things like that Where you can be a healthy adult and be able to have a verbal discussion with someone and kind of hold on herself, right? So holding onto yourself is your ability to own your stuff to take Responsibility for yourself for your energy what you're putting out there The attitude you're giving the tone that you're talking in all of that kind of stuff so with healthy conflict really being able to get to like what is the root of what's going on if we can have Empathy which is the next thing right healthy relationships need empathy Being able to put yourself in someone else's shoes to see where they're coming from even if at times you don't agree Being able to say even to yourself like while I wouldn't agree with that Well, I wouldn't think that way she does or he does and I have to respect my partner for what they think and how they feel and as long as it's not something that's compromising your own values and your own beliefs then this is kind of where How does the saying go like pick and choose your battles? Right? Like if it's something that isn't really? Hurting you, but you just need to be able to have a little bit more empathy for some what someone else is feeling that is so unbelievably healthy because that means that you're learning how to remove your ego from situations and actually be in a space for someone else the next thing and I really love this and I feel like people really Overlook this in the beginning phases of relationship is any healthy relationship it? progresses at a Normal healthy pace so it doesn't go from 0 to 60 and when you're codependent and when you're meeting a narcissist It's gonna go from zero to 60 when you're codependent and you just want to like hurry and get married hurry up and fall in love like all these things like Overlooking red flags because I just I don't care like I don't want to think about the red flags Like I just want what I want and I'm not using any logic. I'm just strictly going off of emotion your relationship is not moving at a healthy pace and When you become healthy yourself, that's why I always say this when you're healthy You will attract a healthy partner because the energies of someone who is healthy is not going to link up with an abuser That's just you're not gonna even be attracted to that person. It doesn't matter what they physically look like I'm sure we've all met someone that we can say. Okay. Yeah, they're attractive but I don't want to be with them That's when talking about there's an energy there that you're just not even attracted to so what you want to do is learn how to get yourself in a space where you want to Pace yourself in a relationship now. Why do we pace ourselves? because as you're beginning to date and while you're in this relationship You need to be with someone over a period of time to see number one do their do their words Match up with their actions or do the actions match up with their words And this is where we really begin to like build trust within the relationship This is where we really get to see a person for who they are and their character So that stuff you can't do if after a month you decide to get married, don't get me wrong There are plenty of people that have gotten married very quickly and their relationship worked out. I 100% understand but is It a healthy relationship Is there a relationship that they can consciously? Say or honestly say to themselves like is a good relationship for that and even if it is that's absolutely amazing I personally think those are kind of one-in-a-million situations, but even in those situations that couple had to learn About each other and they had to learn how to compromise me probably to work on themselves and work on their relationship And just like any relationship it does take work, but you want to make sure that it's like good work healthy work I don't want to say easy work because I don't want to put that out there like a relationship should be so easy and anytime You hit a bump you just give up because it's not easy because that's actually a lot of the reasons why relationships fail because people are thinking that the grass is greener and they don't want to actually do the work that a relationship should take um But I also think a lot of the times - you're just linking up with people that are not healthy and not right for you and the next thing and this is what most people will say when they think of like Okay, what does a healthy relationship? entail and they'll say you know honesty respect things of that sort and respect is definitely a big one and I think that when you Really value a person you're going to respect their difference of opinion You're going to they're going to respect when you set a boundary I always say that someone that really really loves you and this is really for the people that struggle with boundaries where maybe maybe they struggle just Setting the boundary and some people actually struggle really enforcing the boundary Enforcing the boundary tends to be more of your own stuff versus the other person setting a boundary is where you struggle with what the other person is gonna think of you so And I always say this the more you set boundaries with people and you be able to verbally communicate with people your standards you get to see who a person really is you get to see whether or not they actually respect your boundary while if they actually Respect you and then you can start determining whether or not someone's healthy for you someone should be in your life and then Having to make the decision on having someone not be in your life That has to do with you that has to do in your own fears your own Insecurities things that you have to deal with within yourself along with respect and value Which I always think is like the most important thing because if you don't value a person you're not gonna respect them if you don't Value a person then you're not gonna be loyal to them If you don't value a person then you're not gonna be honest with them. So I think valuing someone for who they are is Incredibly necessary Towards not even just having a healthy relationship, but really just having a loving relationship So think about people in your life that you really you value them you value what they bring to the table You love them for exactly who they are. You are their cheerleader you support them those are like the best relationships that's where it's like you're just in like your comfort zone of someone and it just feels Really good that they support you know your dreams and they look at all the hard work you do and they have Admiration for you, and that's such a great feeling and we all want that but it starts with really valuing a person So the next thing is balance and this is really important because you have to have equality in the relationship you have to have both people coming to the table ready to work on things making an effort to make the relationship work and of course, it's gonna be times where one person's putting in more work than the other absolutely, but I do think that When that shift happens that the other person's aware and they want to keep like pointing in an effort as well If both people are always putting in an effort in their relationship, that's a happy relationship because you're thinking about all right Let me put this other person first Let me treat them the way I did when I first started dating if you really focus on those areas You're going to have a successful relationship When you think about that beginning phase of a relationship? We're always so kind and caring and sweet and romantic and empathetic and you know, we validate our partner it's just it's a really amazing time to be because we're trying to put our best foot forward and I honestly feel like that's something that really lacks in relationships as a relationship begins to progress and marriage happen longevity happens life happens Parents getting old happened jobs happen kids happen just bills happen all of the stuff that takes over. Um, It's hard sometimes to I don't wanna say it's hard. Actually, let's completely erase that let's be mindful of how we're treating our partner and the things that we're saying to them and when we get frustrated because we're stressed out at work and we're taking it out on our partner when we're you know coming home and like Seeing that maybe our husband had or a partner had a long day or a wife had a long day and the kids are going Crazy and just being mindful of what someone else is going through and seeing where you could possibly help someone out and owning your stuff Owning like hey, I just completely took that out on you. I'm really stressed out at work. You didn't deserve that I'm so sorry. Just owning That is I can't even tell you how Important that is and how much that will really really help your relationship because you're getting so root of what's going on inside of you And how you're taking that out on someone else if both people can do that? Your you'll begin to compromise and communicate better because there's not going to be projection. There's not going to be really this happening because you're both owning your own stuff the next thing and Extremely important and something that's very very attractive is independence. Both people have to have their own lives Something that you need aside from balance with your partner in terms of equality is balance with your own life So you having your own friends you having your own? Interests you having your own things that you do there outside of your relationship. That is very attracted And if you are a person that is independent and you have your own friends you created your own life you have your own happiness you get hooked up with someone who very needy and Codependent and doesn't like to do things from themselves and doesn't want to put themselves out there I always say not cute not Q and you will not be attracted to that person and they're gonna be things that are really going to upset you because you've done all this work and someone else This is their lesson maybe in life but they're not doing the work as well and They want to kind of always tag along and they always need to be around you and there are great things to be said about You know having distance with a partner distance with anyone, right? It makes the heart grow fonder It makes you really value and appreciate someone it gives you time away So you can work on yourself go to the gym go to the spa go play basketball with your buddies Just do your own thing because life doesn't completely change just because you're in a relationship you you're in a relationship because you're with someone to live life with but you're not like all of a sudden becoming one and you both have to have all the Same interests all the same friends do everything together Who wants to be in that kind of relationship? And the last thing and it kind of just ties into everything It's like the icing on the cake like be silly, you know life can be stressful. It can be hard at times we have a lot of responsibilities no matter how old you are how long you've been with someone like be silly learn to be in the moment learn to have Fun learn to be a kid again and learn to laugh learn to get out of your comfort zone That's when we're having the most fun right if we look at children if we look at a little child It's Hodler where we're the reason why they're so happy is because they're in the moment of life. They're not worried about tomorrow They're not thinking about yesterday. They're just kind of in the moment of what they're doing It doesn't matter what you're doing. You could be in the kitchen cooking. You can be sitting on the couch doing nothing Put on some music be silly dance around flirt with your partner just be playful with each other and not take everything. So seriously So I hope you guys have enjoyed this. If you did, please don't forget to give it a thumbs up Don't forget to comment down below on any video topics that you would like to see on this channel I can't believe we are almost at 200,000 subscribers That's absolutely crazy because I started this channel about two years ago and just the overwhelming Amount of support and love that I have gotten from this channel I could not be any more thankful If you guys are interested in private coaching group coaching or if you are interested and joining my new Nine-week course on all about emotional healing and really creating the best life This is a course that is really triggered towards people who want to do private coaching So this is me coaching you condensed in nine weeks. You can go to my website I will link it down below and find out all the information there. So, thanks guys. I'll see you next time
