I wish someone else responsible
was at this party. Where's Freddie
when you need him? Who's ready to get drunk? This is all
for the Sunshine Girls? Nope. ♪ Millicent's Minions ♪ We started our own business
to outsell the Sunshine Girls. We're bonding.
She even called me the D-word. "Dumbass"? No, "dad".
We're really connecting! This isn't gonna be awkward
with us sharing a room, is it? Why would it be? [romantic music playing] This isn't the party suite. No, it is. Party of two, an intimate
experience for lovers in love. Wow, comes
with a couple's massage with five flavors of lotion. I just wish I got to make out
with someone, too. Ding-dong. I might be able
to help you with that. You know, it took me a minute,
but I think I finally get what you two have been
trying to tell me. The honeymoon suite,
the massage, Harper conveniently not being
able to come at the last minute. Not to mention the obvious
sexual tension between me and Carly. The which what? You want Hot Mess Brooke
for a hot messy threesome. - Oh, I don't think--
- Let's hear the woman out. Are you saying
that I'm your girlfriend? Does this answer your question? - Not really, I mean...
- How about this? [honking] Damn it, Nonna,
stop salting my game. George, the bra
that told ghost stories. I never did grow into you. So you came up
with all this stuff when you were a kid. Imagine what you can do now. - And we'll help however we can.
- Yeah. I'm really glad
to hear you say that, because... Ah... I thought
it might still be here. Damn it. Oh, maybe you just need
some arm candy of your own. And I have the perfect guy. Trenton, and he
is just your type. Okay. I'm in. - [squeaks excited]
- Wait... Is this another one
of your man-me-downs? We... Never. Did we...? No. I'm 80% sure we didn't. Fine, but this is why I got you
those color-coded Post-it notes. Don't you think you're taking
this a little too personally? Oh, so I'm guessing
you haven't seen that, then? [distorted voice]
This is still iCarly, but it's grown-up now. So today I thought I'd share
my skin care routine. What is this hell? Yo! Thousands of people
saw that live and they're coming here, like,
to actually protest. Yeah! Well, I'm glad the world is finally
going to take my side. Oh, no, they're coming
to protest you. Carly, you are so radical! You started a whole-ass riot. It's yet to be seen
what this will do for sales, but I'll keep y'all posted. Oh, crap. Gamers are putting down
their controllers, foodies are sharpening
their knives and ASMR stans are coming
here to yell at you, quietly. [whispering]
Screw you, loser. I've had haters since I was 12,
but this person is relentless. They make fun of what I wear,
what I eat, what I drink. I'm starting
to second-guess everything. Do you think my walk is funny? For a bunny or a person? [sighing]
And the worst part is at the end of all of their
comments they say "Do better." - Ugh.
- It's like, "Do better"? How about you do better? [chuckling]
At least they're not threatening to break in your bedroom and braid your hair
like that other weirdo. Yeah, but, in all fairness, that hair braiding Instagram
is quite frankly spectacular. [chuckling] Ooh, y'all doing
like a furry thing? - Yep.
- No. Don't worry, I'm not here
to kink-shame your fursona. Ah, vino,
the serum of truth. But we already know
every single thing there is to know
about each other. I faked it. What? Last night? All of it, the whole time. Since I've known you? Since before that. I guess that makes me
feel a little bit better. I just couldn't keep lying
to you a moment longer. Please, don't be upset. I'm more disappointed in myself. Is there anything
I could have done better? More wiggling?
I'm here to listen. Spencer, I faked
my own kidnapping. Oh, thank God,
it's not me, it's you! Luke, I don't normally
do this on the first night, but should we go somewhere
a little more comfortable? I hope you still
respect me after this. Okay, so in the criminal
justice system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally
important groups, right? There's the police,
who investigate crime, and the district attorneys
who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories. It's just me, Harper and Brooke. We're going to have
a girls' weekend. [excited squealing] Normally, I would remind you
that we are women, not girls, but I plan on drinking
a pink margarita in a tiara, so you're good. What kind of pink
we talking about? Strawberry? Hibiscus?
Pink peppercorn? What? I've been on tons
of girls' trips. They're way better
than guys' trips. They're organized,
they're indoors, and nobody teases you
if you want to drink some rosé. [laughing] [both]
Rosé! Is anyone home? Yeah, we're right here. Ah, I still can't see! Too bad, I'm super naked. No, you're not. I'd know. Being without sight
has heightened my other senses. I'm completely
in tune with my surroundings. [grunting]
Can you help me up? [sighing]
Thank you. Now listen,
this is embarrassing, but I have forgotten
hot eyewash lady's name. All I need you to do
is pretend to be my butler, dig through her person,
look at her driver's license... Your hands are really soft. You're not Freddie, are you? Oh! I remember now, it's Sarah. Sarah, hi. What a funny... [sighing]
Are you there?
