Is America Really Number One? - The Jim Jefferies Show

BETWEEN DONALD TRUMP COZYING UP TO VLADIMIR PUTIN AT YESTERDAY'S SUMMIT AND THE PROTESTS THAT FOLLOW HIM WHEREVER HE GOES, AMERICA'S IMAGE IS TAKING A BEATING ALL OVER THE WORLD. AND YET AMERICA DOESN'T REALLY SEEM TO GIVE A [ BLEEP ]. WHAT WE LACK IN DIPLOMACY, WE MAKE UP FOR IN CONFIDENCE. THE U.S. IS BASICALLY THE AGGRO, COKED-UP GUY IN THE BACK WITH AXE BODY SPRAY, SCREAMING ABOUT BITCOIN. AMERICA'S ALWAYS HAD AN UNHEALTHY SENSE OF SELF-WORTH. ONE THAT CROSSES PARTY LINES. >> THIS RIGHT NOW IS THE GREATEST COUNTRY ON EARTH. >> WE LIVE IN THE GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD. >> YOU PUT YOUR LIFE ON THE LINE TO PROTECT THE GREATEST COUNTRY ON EARTH. >> THE GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD, THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. >> THIS COUNTRY IS THE GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD. >> THIS IS THE GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND. >> OH, CALM DOWN, MARCO. THE HISTORY OF MANKIND! IT'S NOT EVEN THE GREATEST IN THE HISTORY OF NOW. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO BORA BORA? YOU JUST SIT THERE ON THE BEACH UL DAY DRINKING COCKTAILS WHILE RESORT WORKERS RUB YOUR FEET. SURE IT'S NOT A GOOD COUNTRY FOR THEM, BUT I HAD A WONDERFUL TIME. I'D BE THERE PERMANENTLY IF THEY HAD BETTER COMEDY CLUBS. OR A COMEDY CLUB. BRAGGING ABOUT HOW IT'S THE BESTLESS HAS BEEN AMERICA'S THING. NO ONE LIKES THAT. BEING THE TOP GUY IS OBNOXIOUS. IF YOU'RE CONSTANTLY TELLING EVERYONE YOU'RE BETTER THAN EVERYONE, THEN NO ONE WANTS TO BE YOUR FRIEND. YOU GET STUCK HANGING OUT WITH THE HOME IS THERE SCHOOLED KID WITH THE WEIRD HAIRCUT. AMERICA IS SO CONCERNED WITH BEING NUMBER ONE WE TEND TO FORGET THAT YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY NUMBER ONE. >> THE UNITED STATES WAS 29th IN THE MOST RECENT RANKINGS OF COUNTRIES BY EDUCATION. >> THE UNITED STATES IS THE WORLD'S FATTEST DEVELOPED NATION. >> WE SPEND MORE MONEY ON HEALTH CARE THAN ANY OTHER COUNTRY IN THE WORLD. MOST OF US AREN'T LIVING ANY BETTER OR ANY LONGER BECAUSE OF IT. IN FACT, OUR HEALTH CARE SYSTEM RANKS 37th IN TERMS OF OVERALL EFFICIENCY. >> SO YOU'RE THE NUMBER ONE FATTEST, ALSO THE 29th DUMBEST, AND THE 37th HEALTH CARIEST. TRY PUTTING THAT ON A [ BLEEP ] STATUE. AND WHEN YOU'RE IN CHARGE, PEOPLE EXPECT YOU TO CLEAN UP THEIR MESSES. THE U.S. IS ALWAYS INTERVENING IN ONE COUNTRY OR ANOTHER. YOU DON'T NEED THAT KIND OF OBLIGATION. IT'S LIKE, WELL -- SHOULD I CLEAN UP SOME KID'S VOMIT AT MY SON'S BIRTHDAY PARTY? I MEAN, I'M THE ONE WHO PUT THE DEPOSIT DOWN, I'M THE ONE WHO'S DRUNK, I SHOULD BE THE ONE WHO GETS TO THROW UP IN THE BOUNCY HOUSE! AND I DID! AND THAT THIS IS THE POINT! THE POINT IS IT WASN'T EVEN MY SON'S PARTY AND THE HOUSE WASN'T BOUNCY OR MY HOUSE. YES, YES, FINE, FINE. I WENT TO A STRANGER'S HOUSE AND I VOMITED IN IT. BUT I DID REMEMBER TO TAKE MY SHOES OFF. BECAUSE HOW ELSE I WOULD HAVE LOST MYSHOOS? WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT? WHEN YOU'RE NUMBER ONE, THE ONLY PLACE TO GO IS DOWN. IT CAN'T LAST. LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENED TO EVERY OTHER SUPER POWER IN HISTORY. THE ROMAN EMPIRE FELL. THE BRITISH EMPIRE IS GONE. EVENTUALLY AMERICA WILL BE NOTHING BUT A TOURIST ATTRACTION LIKE THE PYRAMIDS OR WHATEVER THE [ BLEEP ] GREECE IS. I'M NOT SAYING DON'T BE PROUD TO BE AMERICAN. YOU SHOULD BE. I LOVE THIS COUNTRY. IT'S GIVEN ME A GOOD LIFE. IT GAVE ME BASEBALL, LOBSTER ROLLS, PINBALL. IT'S AWESOME. IT DOESN'T MATTER IF IT'S NUMBER ONE OR NUMBER THREE OR WAY DOWN IN THE DOUBLE DIGITS. IF YOU LIVE HERE AND YOU LOVE IT, THEN WHO GIVES A SHIT? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] MAYBE, MAYBE THE MOST PATRIOTIC THING YOU CAN DO IS JUST LOWER YOUR STANDARDS A BIT. THE WAY TO MAKE AMERICA GREAT IS TO ADMIT IT HAS FLAWS. I MEAN, ALL YOU PATRIOTS WHO SEEM TO LOVE THIS COUNTRY SO MUCH YOU ALSO HATE IMMIGRANTS. IF YOU DON'T WANT THEM TO COME HERE, STOP TELLING THEM IT'S SO [ BLEEP ]ING GOOD. WHY DON'T YOU FILM ALL YOUR MOVIES IN FLINT, MICHIGAN? AND IN THAT SPIRIT, I'M PLEASED TO INTRODUCE A NEW PATRIOTIC SONG. ONE I HOPE YOU'LL SEE FIT TO PLAY AT EVERY SUPPORTING EVENT FROM NOW ONWARDS. IT'S A LITTLE DITTY ABOUT THIS COUNTRY'S PLACE IN THE WORLD. AND IT'S CALLED "AMERICA IS A COUNTRY." ENJOY. ♪ I'M LOOKING FOR A COUNTRY THAT DOESN'T WEAR THE CROWN ♪ ♪ BUT SOMETIMES IT IS UP AND OTHER TIMES IT'S DOWN ♪ ♪ NOW THERE'S A BUNCH OF EAGLES BUT ALSO LOTS OF RATS ♪ ♪ SOME PEOPLE WEAR ARMANI SUITS AND SOME START INSTAGRAMS FOR THE CATS ♪ ♪ I LOVE MY AVERAGE COUNTRY IT'S SHITTY BUT SOMETIMES NOT ♪ ♪ HERE'S A PICTURE OF A HONDA CIVIC SITTING IN A FAST FOOD PARKING LOT ♪ ♪ AMERICA WE'RE FAR FROM FIRST BUT WE'RE ALSO FAR FROM WORST ♪ ♪ YES AMERICA IS A COUNTRY ON THE LIST OF COUNTRIES ♪ ♪ WE HAVE A REASONABLE STANDARD OF LIVING AND MOST OF OUR CHILDREN CAN READ ♪ ♪ SOME OF OUR LAKES ARE NOT POISONED AND ALL OF OUR SLAVES HAVE BEEN FREED ♪ ♪ THESE COLORS THEY DON'T RUN BECAUSE WE ALL WEIGH A TON ♪ ♪ TAKING MISS RHYTHM YEAH AMERICA IS FAIR TO MIDDLING ♪ ♪ OH AMERICA WE'RE FAR FROM FIRST BUT WE'RE ALSO FAR FROM WORST ♪ ♪ AMERICA IS A COUNTRY ON THE LIST OF COUNTRIES ♪ ♪ ON THE LIST OF COUNTRIES ♪ OH YEAH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE COUNTRY LIST WE ARE ♪ ♪ ON THE LIST OF COUNTRIES ♪

Channel: Comedy Central

Views: 1,442,639

Rating: 4.724678 out of 5

Keywords: The Jim Jefferies Show, Jim Jefferies, Jim Jeffries, comedy central, news, satire, politics, political comedy, interview, funny, funny video, comedy videos, funny jokes, funny clips, United States, America, USA, greatest country in the world, Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin, trump putin, health care, obesity, education, countries, ranking, number one, #1, Australia, patriotism

Id: G01L40adL0I

Length: 6min 41sec (401 seconds)

Published: Fri Jul 20 2018

Reddit Comments

[u/[deleted]]

TIL Jim Jefferies got his own show.

Also, he got a bit fat.

[u/Chris-P]

The answer is no