Interview: Mary Woodward

you give us a rundown of your your story in a nutshell from the very beginning first and I'll skip a lot because I don't remember some of my childhood the earliest I remember is just how hard it was growing up in a polygamous home it was as a child we didn't really have any structure and we were always afraid and I was I was afraid of males in particular just because they were not necessarily my dad would abuse us but the male's that came into the home were very oppressive they did whatever they wanted to the children and the women in the home and so right away I felt that that's how all men were and I actually had had gained a relationship with God earlier in my life and it started in the middle of the night when he came in a thunderstorm and to this day I still love thunderstorms they bring happy memories I just crave him I love him when they come it just gets me excited I love him and then afterwards followed a rainbow so those two I really loved a lot I do remember and as a child after that I it was it was almost like that opened up kind of conversations with God has a little girl and so I used to openly talk to him just like we're talking I would talk to him and say I'm really scared or I'm I'm so sad or I don't understand just stuff like that I would share everything with him and I remember one time we were stuck on my dad's workshop during a thunderstorm and all of the parents were really scared and they were taking one child at a time into the house and I remember thinking I can walk good I can go out there and buy and I'm not he's God's not gonna kill me and so I wasn't afraid and they wouldn't let me walk out in the thunderstorm which I wanted to I wanted to just go play out and so it was a lot of fun how old was I in in Harriman at our home in Harriman so and refresh me what is the what's the group that you were with we when I was growing up it was referred as the Oliver ed group go ahead and talk about your kind of the growing up process and what life was like as a as a child how how that formed you and what path that led you want is you grew into adulthood and well that um it made me afraid of men even though I started a relationship with God at the time it was God I didn't know much about Jesus Christ it was never talked about ever I didn't know him at all until later on in my life it was always just God me and God communicating but of course there were times when I couldn't you know I couldn't feel him as I was getting older and some of the teachings that took shape in my head he was slowly left and that was really difficult and so I became scared again and became bitter towards men in general I would have guys whistle at me or touch me in at school and I would just turn around and tell him to knock it off in a mean way and so I I knew I wanted children though that was something I really really wanted but I didn't know if I wanted it then bad enough to get married I didn't I kept thinking well I kept pushing the age back maybe I'll be 20 maybe I'll be 25 or 26 and so when I met my husband at age 15 it scared me in a way but I mean that was was the next time God started communicating with me just a little bit and he told me that this man was the person I was supposed to marry and we actually broke off broke it off a little bit and I ignored him for a little while because it was getting complicated and then God told me again don't ignore it and so I didn't then we ended up getting married at an early age because our parents and the leaders of the allred group forced us you know it kind of forced us to get married younger to leave because we weren't able to date they wouldn't allow us to date at all and I was told that I was to marry another man and I didn't know until later that my husband's parents didn't want me to marry him because I wasn't good enough my main name is Daley and that wasn't a very good name in Allred group we were looked down upon and I heard you know a lot of rumors and they came to be true that people would talk about us and they're not any good and we you know they shouldn't marry people who were important stuff like that and so they heard they were my parents my my husband's parents joined the Allred group when he was I think he was 15 so it was a year before we met or two years before we met because he was 16 at the time so he didn't grow up with a whole polygamy culture but they were very impressionable and they heard a lot of the stuff about our family so his parents were persuaded in that direction but he didn't care so so in the Allred group did you was there a certain amount of Liberty that you had in terms of who you married I mean obviously you chose somebody that you believe God had wanted you to marry yeah but you say that they had somebody else picked out for you they did but luckily my mom wasn't the type my parents at this time were separated and my dad had left the group and luckily my mom didn't really care about that sort of thing and ultimately she had the choice and she didn't mind that I chose who I wanted to marry so so she was the one I said she they had the authority then and yes yes and she she didn't want us to have a relationship so early and it happened but she supported us in the relationship because she knew that it wasn't gonna go away so I was 17 when I got married to my husband he was old he was sick he was 18 he was 16 he was 18 so this relationship with God that you had formed as a little girl and you say this kind of started to go away as you begin to learn things those are the things you were learning about God supposedly it changed well tell me what was the things he started learning about God that kind of chased him out of your life well who who he was changed I mean I would sometimes I would refer back to him but he was slowly going away because all of that the new doctrine would come in and it would cloud what I knew who he was and sometimes throughout my life I would make comments to my husband about who he is and so I think my husband was used to my idea of who he was but as it got harder because we left the polygamists church and joined the Mormon Church it got harder for me you know we had a big family we had six kids and I started having you know more than one calling and my life got more stressful and so it got harder to trust God because I was I kept referring back to their God because they kept telling me no this is the way God is we have to help our selves we have to do all of this stuff ourselves and so it was very difficult to try to figure out the identity of who God really was in my mind because it was I became confused it was so confusing and I found as I was teaching in many positions in the church I found it even more confusing because a lot of the stuff was contradictory and so contradictory just among itself or country to do what you had experienced contradictory of what I experienced as a child of whom God told me he was and what the Mormon Church was telling me he was and they didn't ever really push a relationship with God ever we didn't really need him we could do everything ourselves you know as as a young child in the polygamist church and brought into the Mormon Church I believed that if you weren't happy then then you were doing the right thing because Satan only visits those who are doing the right thing so I that was something that my husband had to help me grow out of that problematic view of who God was too and whom you know being happy and and that's that's not how it works he used to tell me all the time no God wants you to be happy Mike but if we're unhappy then we're in the right place because Satan wouldn't tempt us if we're you know and we used to have arguments about it and and so that was really hard that was something instilled from Mormonism and so that was something that was really hard to to overcome over over some of the characteristics of God that you knew as a child but yet we're hearing different as a Mormon tourism as a polygamist church well I knew he was good as a child everything about him was good that he could help anyone that he loved everyone I knew that he loved unconditional he didn't put conditions on his love and that I knew as a child he didn't care if we were imperfect that he still loved us and as I grew up that was harder and harder to convince myself that that God was real because people would tell you they would make comments like oh those people must not be doing what what is right or they wouldn't be in that position or you know the comment I know one of the comments I hate the most is modest is hottest I hate that comment because growing up I had a lot of friends who weren't perfect according to Mormonism they had pink hair and they had clothes that they could afford clothes that they could wear that were hammy downs were necessarily modest and so that I struggled with that because I knew who they were inside they weren't really good people who have you just got to know you know their hearts were very kind and all they wanted to do was be accepted and loved you know where it put in different situations where we don't have the convenience to have the modest clothing that we you know were commanded to wear and so I had a ha I had a hard time with that and the other thing is is when I was in the polygamist group they you know they were very racist and I did not like that it I had a hard time with that one too because the God I knew before wasn't racist he was he loved everyone equally and so as I would you know make friends and sometimes I would make a friend you know with somebody of a different race you know you'd heard snide comments or remarks and I would just I'd be like is this really you know I started getting angry at God I started just thinking if this is supposed to be true I don't want anything I don't want to be a part of it because it's not it's not worth it to me to be a part of the celestial kingdom that's going to act like this or you know or there are certain people that aren't going to be worthy to be there I just didn't want to be a part of it and so but part of my struggle is when I started having children the Mormon Church started teaching well if you if you don't you know obey some of the commandments that the church or the guidelines of the church have set then you can't have your children with you or you can never be in a kingdom with babies and that was really hard for me so I struggled and torn between do I want to be with my family and condone what they teach or do I want to be in a world where there's you know where they accept everyone and so it was really hard for me it was really hard was there ever a point where you wondered if if it wasn't so much that you're getting the idea of God wrong as a child I mean how do I put this did you ever wonder where the group was simply wrong about God or did you just simply think that you were learning the truth about God and he was disappointing it I think I knew from the beginning as a child you know who God was but like I said as I got older and and that's why I'm sure Jesus said you know holds children in high regard because they don't they don't get older and mix up stuff they see it how it is and then there they stay true to the purest form of you know God and Jesus and so as I got older I I got that confused I got it mixed up I started becoming harder and I started you know becoming lazy and imperfect in my relationship with God and I and I started becoming angry with him I was really really angry with him and it I think it reached a climax when I read the book the miracle forgiveness I read that book and I just cried because I realized it didn't matter what I did then I was never going to be good enough honey would lay in the bathtub at night just cry my eyes out and I would just say God I'm not good enough so maybe I'm supposed to maybe my lot in life is to raise children that are good enough because they were important to me they were really important to me and everything that I did I wanted to teach him about God and Jesus Christ because that's what my mom did my mom was very very good about teaching us about God and Jesus Christ that's when I was introduced I think to Jesus Christ was when we separated from my dad and we moved away and my mom started talking about Jesus but even she didn't have quite the understanding because she she was still working really really hard for that relationship and so it was really hard after I read that book yeah yeah and it's it's amazing there are some people that read it and they don't take it literally that everything that I read from the prophets I took literally because their their prophet I mean I I thought well this is you know laid out for us to perfect ourself to get ourselves to where we need to be and yet it just seemed like I was the one person that wasn't doing a right and I wasn't gonna make it and so and you were figuring probably that you were the only person in the world or one of a handful that ever struggled with this everyone else seems to be getting it yeah yeah nobody nobody talks about you know their struggles because everybody's trying to put on this perfect facade they're trying to look perfect it's like the supermodel that's you know and paint it and brushed up and they look perfect but we know on the inside that they have struggles also it's Mormon families try to portray that I mean when you see them on TV I I'm Mormon and I live it and I love it and we're happy it makes the rest of the people feel bad it makes them feel bad about themselves because deep down inside they know they can't be as good as these people or their houses can't be this clean or they can never be the perfect mother they can't be the perfect homemaker and it's that the standards are too high and they they've tried to talk about that in Relief Society about that but it it still comes across that way they really don't they don't go as far as you know hey we shouldn't feel this way they and that's all like it gets it doesn't go past you know really trying to support these women and say you don't have to be perfect you know I mean if they said you don't have to be perfect give it to Jesus Christ because he'll save you that's why he died on the cross 2,000 years ago then it would be so much better but they don't say that they can't say it because it's not what they teach so who knows who was lying and crying in a bathtub thinking why can't I be like why you know she seems to have it all together yeah yeah and and there's they're all doing it they're all doing it and that they say they don't they're lying they're lying to themselves it's hard it's hard to do it yourself I did it for so many years and I couldn't do it anymore I became depressed and I would tell my kids this I mean the last three or four Christmases I got even more depressed and I remember telling her making comments to them I remember saying I don't know what's wrong with me I used to have a relationship with God but I don't anymore I don't know where he went he's not here anymore and just this last May I found him and I was so surprised because everything that I knew about him came back everything everything it was so easy once he was revealed to me I knew it was right it it was instant and I said it out like I said it's you and that was amazing it was an amazing feeling because I knew I knew that the God of Mormonism wasn't the one that I felt as a child he wasn't he couldn't save me he couldn't hold me when you're an adult you have to take care of yourself you have to buck up you have to do it all yourself you have to grow up you can't be childlike yet Jesus Christ told us all to be childlike and so when I found him I just wanted him to hold me I knew it was him and he had a lot of work to do because throughout the years I had a lot of psychological problems with the teaching the Mormon gospel it's taught and one of the things that was really hard to let go with families can be together forever you know what I found out the Mormon Church wasn't where I wanted to be that one was a hard one to leave behind because I thought does my family I had a panic attack I said it's my family mean anything to me and as I study his word the Bible I knew that families meant even more and it it was more perfect than it was in Mormonism I even had a son ask me Mom if families are supposed to be perfect why are we supposed to be on plant different planets when we're married why can't we be together and I just it took me back just a little bit I thought you know you're right and I told him the same thing that all mormons told tell people you know their kids or each other well God will work it out but I hated saying that to him cuz I didn't have the answer I hated saying that and so for me it's I struggled with it because I I would even talk to my husband and say you know I'm getting sick and tired of hearing well God will work it out I only have one lifetime and I want to know what's gonna happen on the other side I want to know now and I'm pretty sure God is good enough to tell me and so I want to know it was important to me what was kind of leading you to come to the crisis point as much as you're comfortable telling and and how you found Christ what were some of the first cracks of the dam of your old belief system and you know what were the straws that broke the camel's back well I was slowly losing God the longer I stayed in Mormonism I no longer I pushed him away because when I accept Mormonism I accept their God and their God couldn't help me he he couldn't he's not sovereign he's not they teach that he can't be everywhere once he's not all-powerful we have to do it ourselves and so as I accepted that the longer I stayed in Mormonism and accepted their God I slowly became depressed I got to the point where I had I started having thoughts that my my family would be better without me and that I needed to I had plans to find a job I had I had laid out this whole plan of what I was going to do where I was gonna go that I was going to get a job immediately and that they would be better without me because I was dragging them down I and gods always mattered to me because I at an early age he was such a significant part of my life and being around people where he doesn't matter was really difficult to me I would make comments and stuff and they would just brush it off or if I wanted to talk about him they really didn't want to talk about him they wanted to talk about their day or what they got when they went shopping work and none of that matter it never mattered to me know people talk about their struggles they would talk about their marriages they would talk about their children you know when they they didn't ever talk about God ever and I remember when I first started teaching Relief Society buddy over a year ago I remember thinking that I'm supposed to be here I'm supposed to teach really society I had a really good feeling about it and that's another thing feelings how can you trust them but I do believe that God actually wanted me to be because I learned I saw some of the contradictions even more I had to actually leave some of my lessons open for this discussion because I couldn't teach them and they one of them was on can we raise our babies that we have died before we had a chance to raise them yet they taught that everybody was not everybody was adults in the next life and so the lesson contradicted itself and I had a hard time with that and so it was left open and people just I mean that's what happens in the church is that people can just it's a smorgasbord religion I'll call it they can just pick and choose whatever they want to what what makes them comfortable to believe and so there are some doctrines that they some you know people don't haven't even heard about or they don't care about or they just you know push it in the closet they don't want to deal with it right now and so it's it's never addressed never the problems and I had problems when I was teaching and so when I found out the truth I was ready I was ready to find out it just took just one person telling me the Mormon Church isn't real it's not true and I like I know and that's what I said I know I I was little surprised when they said this but then I wasn't surprised I accepted it so quickly and yet the night that I found out it wasn't true I had nightmares and then the next day I started having bad thoughts about you know my family isn't forever it's it's not important and then but as I picked up the Bible it was almost like reading a new book it was just amazing before it was boring and I couldn't believe anything I read in there and then as I picked it up I could believe everything I read in there it was amazing and it was almost it was really really weird to have everything and change inside of me and I could feel it I could literally feel it I mean some when you talk to people about this they kind of brush it off like yeah yeah but I could literally feel it change inside of me and that I felt like before I had a veil over my eyes and it was gone and I could see things that other people couldn't see and it was amazing and it gave me strength and I found the more that I read the Bible the more I felt protected by anything that was making me upset harming me I think my husband realized that I needed to be close to God too because he bought me a cross necklace and I don't take it off I can't take it off because it makes me grumpy when I do well so I think you realize I think my husband's realized how important this is to me and he's been really really supportive which is where's the imagery he's on his own journey God has a perfect journey for him and we've accepted each other's journeys and that's a good thing and transitioning from believing that the Mormon Church is not true what was the transition between understanding the truth of who God was again as it were was it instantaneous was it a process I mean kind of I think it's always a process I felt like it was instantaneous but as I look back now I realized that it's a process I mean when I was teaching in Relief Society I knew I was scared to do it because there's a lot of women in there you have to teach and stand up in front of and so as I talked it started talking to God again and asked him to help me so that I wouldn't be nervous I wouldn't make a fool of myself as I started asking him for help he started moving back into my life and that's what I want people always complain about how you know God allows bad things to happen to them or allows them to you know be in darkness and God's not gonna make you love him he won't he's given you a choice and if you want him you have to ask for him if you want the peace of mind go find him he'll accept you with open arms no matter what you do no matter what you do go find him and when I realized as I was opening up and asking him for more help he was leading me to the truth now from the group to the Mormon Church I always knew that I was going to leave the group I never ever was gonna stay my mom on her deathbed asked me did you always know you're gonna leave them the polygamist group and I said yes I did I knew polygamy was wrong God told me it was wrong when I was a child so and I I saw you know as I grew up I saw how unhappy people were I not only saw how unhappy my parents were and how unhappy the interactions were with sister wives in that case I I got to live with different families because when we left we didn't always have a home and I saw how miserable they were there was never any respect never on any unconditional love there was always some wives getting picked on there was always a favorite always but I even knew that that favorite wife was hurting and if they say that they accept it fully and that only good things come from it they're lying they are because it wasn't I've stayed in several several polygamous homes growing up and I have never ever seen them happy ever so that right there told me also that that's not what I wanted ever and so as far as coming out of the Mormon Church into becoming a Christian a believer of the biblical Christ my lovely sister Becky helped me out with that we were running we were training for a race and she couldn't not say anything she didn't mean to say something but God made her tell me and I stopped and I was like really and then I believed her instantly everything and she needed that because and now I know trying to witness to other people is very difficult it's they make you sound they make you feel dirty they make you feel like you could possibly be the devil yourself and I know I'm not I'm a good person and and it's sad when you've had a relationship with all of these people in your life where you've given them all your love and your support and where your word meant something to them at one point it was really really difficult for them to not believe you it was difficult for them not to even look they didn't even look not only did they trust didn't trust me they didn't trust themselves that God gave them a brain and that was very difficult I told my husband one day I said you know I feel like people are accusing me of murder and I'm screaming at the top of my lungs I didn't do it I swear I didn't do it and it just felt it felt awful because people were treating you that way and I thought you know they teach that families are more important and yet I didn't feel that way I didn't feel love from certain members of my family I didn't feel love from people that I gave all my life to I my love to and my relationships with my friends I didn't feel that way I felt that instant I wasn't a Mormon they shunned me and they didn't want to be a part of me anymore and it was a struggle for them and it was really sad it was really sad and the only thing that kept me going was God as long as I kept breeding as long as I kept keeping him near me I could get through it I could get through my days and so I put him first it was easy I could easily give up my whole family for him he he's the most amazing thing I've ever felt my life was worth a million times over I would live a million lives and give up my family a million times over for him because he gives me strength because he loves me unconditionally there's no conditions because he keeps his promises because he can do everything he says that he can do and I trust him I trust him he says that I can trust him and he's done everything he says he did and faith is a gift from God and itself it's and I would ask them really who who would you put your faith in would you put it in God or would you put it in a man the God that was perfect in every way that is perfect in every way or human being who has human flaws and can lead you astray who do you trust you are more important than you think you are and you're worth it to find out and what do you have to lose nothing because there's his promises are real and he cares about you in the end you have nothing to lose you have maybe a hard journey but it's not like you're going through that anyway it's just a different journey there's nothing to lose find him he's there and he's real and he's more glorious than you can ever imagine he's bigger than you can ever imagine he's worth it just for the sake of comparison now when you left the polygamy group and became a Mormon compare that contrast with when you left Mormonism became a Christian in other words was it how big of a step was it to go from the AUV to the Mormon Church it was it really a huge step in terms of it wasn't a big step at all it was very easy it was the polygamists accepted me as a Mormon because they teach the same thing my mom used to tell me that the Mormon Church was the mother church and the polygamist Church was the father Church just because they teach the same thing they just didn't have polygamy and in order for you to have the fullness of the gospel you have to live polygamy and so at the time I knew polygamy was wrong and I didn't think about it I just did what every other Mormon did I put it on the shelf he didn't bother me for a long time that part I knew was wrong the polygamy and so I thought I didn't have an option I didn't know there was another option at the time and so the step from the polygamist Church to the Mormon Church was a very easy step in fact it was a happier step because they seemed happy they didn't hide their flaws as much the polygamous church didn't hot they didn't hide their flaws and the Mormon Church did so they perceived to be a more beautiful Church and that's where I wanted to be so coming out of Mormonism into being a Christian was more difficult but it was more worth it it was so much more worth it I mean like I said I would do it over and over and over again for the rest of my life it's not worth it when you were a Mormon either either the fundamentalist or the or the mainstream did you have what you would call a testimony of or what was your testimony I had a testimony I didn't like the word I hated the word it just left oppressive feelings it was something that was forced on us it wasn't something that we could gain ourselves it was something that they told us we had to have that it was needed it was almost like another one of those works that we had to do and I didn't like it so when people use testimonies that triggers not-so-nice feelings in me so I don't use testimony you had that reaction - yeah how do you compare that to what you actually believed to be true yeah when I would get up and bear my testimony it wasn't really a testimony I don't think I ever would say I believe in Joseph Smith I don't think it was about that for me I think a deep down inside I think God really stayed with me when it came to that because I would always I would always get tired of people's bearing their testimonies it was it was blah blah all the time it never moved me ever the only time I was moved at church was when they would sing about Jesus Christ uh How Great Thou art you know stuff like that but it wasn't when I would think about him I would try to think about him when they would have sacrament every time I would take sacrament I'd think about him and so I thought about him but I just I I didn't really shed the tears I grew up pretty tough want to be a tomboy and so the tears didn't come for me and so when you when you did leave and people saw that you would they just say oh well you just never had a testimony of you or never is that the kind of thing that they I don't thinks they can't really use that against me because I actually had a hard time with our ward for two or three years before I left leading up to it and the year the funny thing is is the year before I left I actually grew to love my ward more than I had ever done and so they couldn't really use that that I I was doing three callings I was doing more for the neighbors I was friends with more of the neighbors and and to this day I mean I have I have a friend who moved into our ward and I told her I said you're lucky you're moving into an amazing Ward I have no hard feelings towards my ward well it's not my word anymore the people in the church around me I'm sad that you know they're in darkness about who God really is you know what the Savior did for us it makes me it makes me really sad to see them struggling and not knowing that there's help for them oh I didn't they can't know I was actually reaching a point in my life where I felt like I was in a good place a good standing in the church maybe because I can't say over here just defended or you just know they can't say that I wasn't offended yeah what are the hardest for you in terms of belief and doctrine overcoming usually the panties are forever pre-existence was that a tough one for you no not the pre-existence in some ways I think I did never believed in the pre-existence it was problematic for me growing up part of it was that I had a hard time believing I had a hard time believing that in some ways that there was already a split up and some of these people that did horrific things on earth were the ones that chose I that just didn't make sense to me I thought you know I no I don't think so there's definitely a choice that God has given us now and the other thing was reading in Genesis how can we believe in a pre-existence when God created us created Adam out of the dust of the earth and us out of Adam and as a child I knew that really well I always used to talk about the little poem that you know we are protected under our husband arm near his heart and you know it was a beautiful poem but it always made me think we'll wait a second if our Heavenly Father and our Heavenly Mother you know we were up with them then where was Adam and Eve heavenly father and heavenly mother and I delve into stuff way too deep and I drive people crazy and yes what about this well but it is fast answer that so who was Jesus before and who is he before he was my brother that I I thought I adored but I didn't I was tucked and that he was my brother but I never really had any more thoughts past that as a Mormon and as a Christian he's so much work he's amazing and I realized that he had to go through some horrific stuff for us I've tried to read about every detail of his death and every time I read it I find out something new and it makes me cry all over again to think that he did all of that for us and he didn't even have to to take the form of human when he was in perfect form in perfect perfect nasaw and he he did that for us not because he had to but because he wanted to and I knew throughout the stories that I read about him that he has a sense of humor and that he loves us unconditionally and yet he feels other things that are natural that people try to get away from him that he feels hate and I always thought that hate was unnatural I used to tell me kids don't say that word that's all me you don't hate people and I don't want them to hate people I want them to love people but you know it's not a natural I mean we live in a fallen world where it's perfectly natural he's I guess the one thing I think about I keep thinking about is him on the cross with the the other man and telling him that he can be with him instantly and I keep thinking and that's what I want I want to be with him instantly why do I have to work for it but I don't I don't anymore I don't he did it for me what was grace before and what is it now before grace was I know most people say it was a blessing but grace to me before was just a name it was a girl's name it didn't mean anything to me before but now grace is hope that I didn't even dared have before it shows everything in that word the whole meaning has changed it's love it's it's hope and insurance knowing that I'm saved and saved now not after all that I do that I'm safe now the Bible before was boring it was it was hard to get through it and I didn't make it through it oh well and now I haven't made it through it because I'm reading it in depth because it's amazing when I read it now I get goosebumps every time and I'm finding that Jesus is on every page he's amazing and the prophecies and the fulfillments and the love that's shared in the book everything every page I think in my head this is God talking to me and I just I'm in awe every time I read it I love to read it and I have to read it every day it's it's my nourishment I find I found before I used food sometimes as comfort and after as I read the Bible I I don't I don't need as much food when he literally said that he is the food of life he meant it I didn't know that he really meant it that I I haven't been as hungry I literally haven't been as hungry because he fulfills my needs your favorite verses that that were meaningful to you is you're on this journey well one of them I used to think about as a child is Matthew 16:25 and it says for whosoever will save his life shall lose it and whosoever will loo lose his life for my sake shall find it and I always wanted to do that I always wanted to give that to him to be able to abandon the things that were important for him and I never quite understood that and now I do and it's true when you find him and you find the strength that Jesus Christ gives you you will find everything in your life so much more rewarding so much brighter it's seeing it's like seeing going from black-and-white to color it really is everything is so much more beautiful and he was right you will find it and I did I found my life so much better because he's taking care of me and I'm imperfect and everything I did everything I touched I messed up I made a mess of my life and he fixed it and the other one there's a song too and I love the song and it says for what is a man profited if he shall gain the whole world and lose his own soul and I love that one because the world has never mattered to me the things of the world has never mattered to me I've always I've always been curious about God I've always dreamt about him I was telling my husband the other day I I used to dream about the constellation about the heavens even before I saw pictures that were real and so he would come to me in my dreams and they were real and it always mattered to me all right I would love to read this it's um it's a promise that God's given given us to help some people understand why they go through what they do he said have you noticed that the best source of comfort is someone who has struggled with pain so or loss that is one reason why God offers his followers the gift of comfort so that we can in turn give it to others yes God sometimes allows tragedy to enter our lives that he never intended for us to go through difficult times alone once we have by God's grace gone through a dark time God calls us to offer comfort to the hurting people he puts in our path often the comfort is our mere presence not rightwards our willingness to share the kind of comfort we have received reflects both our knowledge of our good God and our faith in Him and whether we are receiving or offering comfort we can rely on the greatest comforter of all the Holy Spirit given to us by God and the Spirit is continually with us willing to guide and empower us as we come come alongside hurting people yes our Redeemer God is at work when he uses the comforter to comfort others and I when you're leaving a situation when you find out the truth and you leave a situation it is very very difficult it is but it's worth it and I would suggest it doesn't matter who you are and don't think that you're weak because I have contemplated this also I would suggest you find someone who's gone through the same thing because it's so much easier to be comforted and to do make the travel with someone else don't travel it alone god never wants you to be alone and he's there for you but he's he's put other people in the same situation so that they can comfort each other so don't do it alone find someone and don't go back it'll be more miserable and it may seem difficult at first and it may seem difficult every other day but it will become smaller and smaller and smaller I went from being frustrated every other day to being frustrated every weekend to the point where I'm comforted all the time and although I have moments where I have bad days it doesn't seem so bad anymore I can certainly be more optimistic in that bad day so just trust in the God of the Bible he won't fail you and he loves you unconditionally he loves you like he loves everyone else and he wants you to find him he wants you to come to him I want all of you guys out there who care for truth I want you to know that there are more people who know what you're going through did not and they're there God will help you find them and don't be afraid don't be afraid don't be afraid of the truth because it's it's going to change your life it'll just change it for the better and the truth matters it always matters and ignorance is not bliss it's not no one likes being left in the dark find him he's really really good what what kind of need would you see for a facility for people who find themselves in a situation that they want out they know they want out but there just doesn't seem to be any any way out well well you saw it sisters that are in the giving group right oh yeah and maybe their situation isn't quite as as spectacularly hard as as what's been plastered on the news about the other group I wanna be an astronaut it was very real it was the hard times were very real and we all have different stories about how hard it was and some of us have been married into it but as you know sometimes sisters share everything and it's just as real to us as it was for them I used to witness men who viewed women as possessions that they could do anything they wanted to and it created a lot of anger and me anger that I didn't want and that made me angry but I was like I was like the little mouse in the hole in the wall and I saw it all and I just wanted to run out and do something but I felt small and lost I felt helpless and it created some anxiety that I didn't really know that I had until I started reading some of the stories of other women of the early earlier Mormonism and I realized that the earlier stories of Mormonism are the same as the women now that are living in polygamy it hasn't changed at all and and the way men are oppressive even in Mormonism it hasn't changed because women are to obey them and I always had a problem with that and my husband had to be pretty special to put up with me pretty stubborn no-good they didn't grow up in that and they had the polygamy culture thanks anyway I had to be a fighter I was a fighter I viewed myself as ugly growing up and I always thought that if I was ugly I would be strong so I could fight and I didn't like myself at all for being weak because I wanted to be strong I had a hard time with that I wanted to be strong I wanted to help and there was no way I could help and so I just sat back and I watched Holly's men do it ever they wanted to all these women in my life and sometimes me then I couldn't do it I would think about it and when I did fight I didn't get very far and it was really frustrating was there any time in your life where if you knew for sure that there was a safe place to go I used to crawl in a hole from one of the closets into another closet into a room that was locked I used to stay in that room I never I don't think I had a bedroom I remember having a bedroom or a bed I would just find the place to hide and I could just go anywhere I wanted to I mean one time I fell asleep out in the field where we would hurt our cattle and nobody found me so I was just alone one of the things that we wonder is if people knew that there was a place that they could go and they had confidence that there was busier with their children especially yes it would be so much easier to leave it would be so much easier for people to leave if they knew they had help yeah transportation I know myself and others also in situations would help I mean there's if there was transportation if there was housing a way to feed their children clothing when you leave when you leave a bad situation all you all as you want is to be safe all you want a safety you don't want luxury you don't even think about it you just want some we're safe you can go especially you know for yourself and your children so and if there was that placed and yes they would easily go very easily especially if they had a sport of someone the same gender so yes I would I would say that would be very important to have some help for them

Channel: Sacred Groves

Views: 11,968

Rating: 4.7385621 out of 5

Keywords: MARY, WOODWARD, Edited

Id: xwP3JqtvAeI

Length: 65min 49sec (3949 seconds)

Published: Fri Dec 21 2012