Interracial Relationships - Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Man - Ep. 5

welcome to another episode of uncomfortable conversations with a black man you see prior to 1967 if these couples were to join me on stage they would have to look like this because this would have been illegal and probably still makes you a little uncomfortable I'm joined now by Rachel and Brian season 13 of The Bachelorette most notably the first black Bachelorette in the show's history also joined by Lindsey Vonn Olympic gold medalist and PK star defenseman for the New Jersey Devils but I want to start it with an email that I that I received and and I really want to focus on the interracial aspect of all of this because someone asked me they said Emanuel is a black man do you feel betrayed when you see a black woman with a white man and I might not necessarily say I feel betrayed but I feel some type of way Rachel you and I we go back and so I'm gonna tell you something that I haven't told you yeah 2017 I'm watching The Bachelorette and I see finally they chose a black woman they chose a black Queen I'm thinking to myself Shirley Shirley she's gonna pick a black King I know nothing about Ryan like nothing about where I never met the guy but all I see is Rachel picked a guy who is seemingly white I felt some type of way about that what would you say to someone who shared those sentiments what would you say to do well friend I don't even know if I should say friend [Laughter] honestly I had to say you know what my journey of love can't be any different just because the color of my skin is and people can't judge me for picking someone who doesn't look like me like I feel like they expect me to pick someone who looks just like me but that's not fair they should just want me to fall in love with whoever it is that I vibe with you know I I think about this quote and I was thinking about this yesterday it says if the enemy of my enemy is my friend right we all remember that if the enemy of my enemy is my friend then the friend of my enemy is my enemy and I was thinking historically speaking white people are the enemy of black people so when you see a black person with the white person then all of a sudden you're like wait you're with the enemy have you lost friends based on who you love being a black man I wouldn't say I've lost friends I've created there has been a lot of difficult moments with people that I'm very close to that I haven't it's been very hurtful and I don't know exactly how to approach it I don't know how to communicate our relationship to them in a way that they understand I don't know how to get rid of racism and just allow them to see him for the person that he is I don't know how to do that and that is that is why I want to talk because I know I because what this promotes is growth and strength in our relationship and I'm not against that adversity is a great thing when people show true colors every this world does for a lot of people not everybody is going to be accepting of everything do you not have a problem with the fact of when black people are seen with white people to a degree to the black person like you've lessened your blackness like right through you were a intelligent woman law degree well-spoken you're with Brian good dude but he's not black people look at you and you're like Rachel shouldn't even be talking like she's not even she's not even black I've experienced that and hearing you talk about your the way you grew up you've probably experienced that your entire life I've always been told that I wasn't black enough and I'm not even by have you know any white in my blood I'm a black woman and I've always been told that I wasn't black enough because of the way that I grew up the experiences that I had and so I you know to be a hundred percent honest and you know this it was something that I fought before I came on to the bachelor up until I was 30 I really didn't date seriously outside of my race because I felt like Society not my parents not my friends society was telling me I had to pick a black man so I got an email and it pierced my heart she said can you help me what can I do as a white woman to be more accepted by black women what would you say I don't know the answer to that I I feel like you know PK's family and his friends his family's friends everyone has been so accepting of me and I just try to be kind to every person that I meet and even if they hate me because I'm with a strong black man I'm still the same person I know that I'm a good person I know that it doesn't make you say it does make me sad because it actually not sad it makes me feel extremely guilty because I am taking a strong black man away from them and but I love him and I I mean I shouldn't be penalized for that I don't think but there is the reality that that is true what then would you say Rachel because you are the black world what can a white woman do to be more accepted by black women if the only reason she's not accepted is cuz she's with the black man there's nothing you could do and I and and I what you said like hit me when you said you feel guilty and you shouldn't feel guilty for loving who you love that's their problem there's nothing that you can do to change that and and to be honest I used to be that black woman I'm in a I feel bad saying that out loud and now being in my own interracial relationship but I was a hundred percent ignorant I would look and I would see a white woman with a black man and I would and I would automatically assume certain things and that's because I was so closed-minded it's a heart issue and and and I say that because I used to be that person and I'm so glad I'm not that person anymore and if I go back to when I was in that place there was nothing that that you could do other than leave him to make me change my mind which isn't fair no for my purposes is that do you feel like that applies to me as well as black men looking at me yeah I remember the first time I dated outside my race it wasn't serious it was before the Bachelorette and I remember I felt every black man was looking at me like oh there she goes we lost another one it was my first date and I just remember wanting to wear a teacher that said I swear this is my first time why should I have to think like that I actually had there was a friend of mine and he actually later apologized for it but he actually when I was with Lindsay I don't even know if I told no he didn't know what he broke me down about like who you need to be with like a sister like you need to and I think he had a couple of drinks but I never stopped him and put him in its place I just let him speak I just let him speak because I said you know that this is a lack of education we also have to be aware of what hate is and what a lack of intelligence is when I was in college as a college athlete if there was ever a black man dating a white a white girl a white woman it would be said oh you're with the Masters daughter like oh you're well you're with like the slave masters daughter kind of as if that was the black man's way to whip the master back right like the white man is isn't there's a king in his in his palace and you can't as a black man do anything to touch the white man in society but you can do something to lie with to be with the prince don't you think that and what would you say to the black people who have that ideology of kind of like your worth you're still with the trader you're with an enemy well I would say that those people are searching for something and I found it in its happiness I don't have to define what makes me happy to anybody no one I don't have to define it to my parents by fat no it the only I have to live with this person of my whole life right so I'm sorry I'm not coming home to you to you to you to anybody here even if cuz I have to I have to dig in on this point because I would be remiss not to even if there's the ideology that Lindsay's ancestors would have oppressed your ancestors you'll feel any guilt in I feel guilty by you just saying that no but it's like that's how you would think like and I'm not associated with what people four five six seven generations did before me I mean okay so if I'm talking about I'm talking about changing the game I'm talking about changing the narrative and all all of us as a black culture are talking about changing well you can't want change in one ways and not the other way if we're talking about accepting people for who they are and seeing people for who they are and loving people for who they are and if somebody respects you respect them back then it shouldn't matter what color the person people are saying this is not about black and white this is a human rights issue in in closing there was one email that I received also there was a there was one email that I received and I responded to this woman I said I promise I will get it answered and she said a manual how can I love my black man my black husband better I'm gonna ask you PK to answer that question to Lindsay while also realizing the world how can a white woman love a black man the number one thing that I've learned is that one of the toughest things in my life that I thought was gonna come was gonna be who was I was gonna share my life with you have to let that person in they have to understand you they have to know how you deal with things so for Lindsay she doesn't have to do anything different she asked questions all the time she's there the responsibility is on me to open it up and not keep that stuff sheltered inside all I have to do is let her in and she has to continue to just ask questions Rachel I guess ended by Brian they're killing us over here how would you say Rachel's a black woman how can your white husband love you that one of the reasons that I was so against dating outside of my race is because I felt like nobody could understand me like a black man can and I think that that thinking is problematic because I understand me and I get it and what I need from a partner is someone who is willing to understand things as the way that I do is willing to ask questions one time he said are you offended by me asking so many questions and that hurt me because I felt like no I'm not offended I am so appreciative that you want to understand you want to grow you want to learn and you want to try your best to get things the way that I can at the end of the day he's not black so he's never gonna say in my experience fully but the fact that he's trying to and he wants to that's all I need that's all I need out of a partner and I think that that goes beyond just race that's all you need out of a partner period somebody who's willing to understand things the way that you that you should as a couple and y'all can learn together and move forward together I've learned so much being with Rachel as far as black culture like I thought I knew a lot about black culture growing up you know musically you know culturally whatnot but I've learned so much more being with her as far as educating myself I mean we've sat down and watching the movies you know 13th just mercy you know movies that really show the disparity and the horrific things that happen african-americans on a daily basis and I think that that's something that non-blacks need to really take a look at I mean because I think that'll really open their eyes well well Rachel Brian Thank You Lindsay PK it actually was supposed to be your wedding today I know it was genuinely thank you all and thank y'all for tuning in to another episode of uncomfortable conversations with a black man if change is truly gonna occur this this is how it all started [Music] you

Channel: Emmanuel Acho

Views: 1,638,354

Keywords: emmanuel acho, acho emmanuel, uncomfortable conversation, uncomfortable conversations, uncomfortable convos, racism, uncomfortable convo with a black man, acho uncomfortable convo, uncomfortable conversations with a black man, conversations with a black man, emanuel acho, uncomfortable questions with a black man, acho, lindsey Vonn, Rachel Lindsay, PK Subban, Bryan Abasolo, the bachelorette, rachel lindsay bachelorette, interracial relationships, interracial episode

Id: Qjc95uGeJ6Q

Length: 13min 13sec (793 seconds)

Published: Thu Jul 09 2020