(Aziraphale) It's not for us to understand. It's ineffable. (Crowley) You what? (Aziraphale) I gave it away! There are vicious animals... (Aziraphale, voiceover) Here you go flaming sword don't thank me. (God voiceover) Being a narrative
of certain events occurring... (Demon) All hail Satan. (Demon 2) All hail Satan. (Crowley) Uh hi guys. I brought down
every London area mobile phone network tonight. (Phone robot) Sorry all lines to London are currently busy. (Crowley) Bouillab- The m25 yeah, we-, yeah I'm glad it went down so well. (Crowley + Aziraphale trying to pronounce bouillabaisse) (Gabriel) Why do you consume that? You're an angel. (Aziraphale) It's sushi! (Mr. Shadwell) Seducing women to do your evil will. (Aziraphale) Oh i think perhaps you've got the wrong shop. (Aziraphale) We will win of course. (Crowley) You really believe that? (Aziraphale) Obviously! Oh you're an angel I don't think you can do the wrong thing. Oh, oh thank-, oh thank you. Oh, it's been bothering me. (Aziraphale) I'm afraid we're quite definitely closed. (Aziraphale) *moans* That was scrumptious. Get thee behind me foul fiend... After you. (Crowley) Alcohol! *Ding* (Crowley) Dolphins! That's my point, big brains, size of... damn big brains. It's not to mention the whales, brain city whales! (Aziraphale) Kraken. Oh, great big bugger. (Crowley) Same with, eh, gorillas, they
say like 'whoop!' They say look the sky's going red there's... stars crashing down and
what are they putting in bananas these days? We- that's my point (Aziraphale) I can't diso... not do what I'm
told. I'm an angel. I can't interfere with the divine plan. (Aziraphale) I could entertain... (Crowley) No no no, please no. No. (Aziraphale) I just need to get back into practice. (Crowley) In your finger. (Aziraphale) No it was in your ear. (Crowley) It was in your pocket and you- (Aziraphale) It was close to your ear. Harry the rabbit! (Aziraphale) You're no fun. (Crowley) Fun? (Aziraphale) Yes!
(Aziraphale) Well i'll be damned. (Crowley) It's not that bad when you get used to it. (Crowley) Oh! No I see him now, yes what a lovely big helly hellhound. (Crowley) Something's changed. (Aziraphale) Oh it's a new cologne, my barber suggested it. (Crowley) I know what you
smell like! (Crowley) What do you mean loved? (Aziraphale) Well I mean the opposite of when you say 'I don't like this place it feels spooky.' (Crowley) Well that was fun. (Aziraphale) Well yes fun for you, look at the state of this coat! (Aziraphale) I've kept
this in tip-top condition for over 180 years. *Dramatic music* (Aziraphale) Nobody ha- well there really is no
need for that kind of language. (Crowley) If I did the good thing and you did the bad one. (Aziraphale) No! (Aziraphale) Watch out for that pedestrian! (Crowley) She's on the street she knows the risk she's taking. (Aziraphale) Crowley you can't do 90 miles per hour in central London. (Crowley) Why not? You hit someone. I didn't, someone hit me. (Aziraphale) What's a velvet underground? (Crowley) You wouldn't like it. (Aziraphale) Oh, bebop. (Crowley) You know, if you lined up everyone in the whole world and asked them to describe the velvet underground, nobody at all would say bebop. (Crowley) Rather good organization. (Aziraphale) Flawless. (Crowley) It should have worked. (Crowley) For my money it was just an ordinary cock-up. Well, I would always know
the stain was there. Oh, thank you. (Crowley) A moral argument? Really? Come on. Sorry! Right number. (Crowley) *inaudiable stuttering* (Crowley) Of course, of course, no, yeah, excuse me ma'am, we're two supernatural entities just looking for the notorious son of satan, wonder if you might help us with our inquiries. (Aziraphale) Look, hello. (Sister Mary) He had lovely little toesie woesies. (Aziraphale) I'm not occult. (Crowley) Oh.(Aziraphale) Angels aren't occult we're ethereal. (Aziraphale) Luck of the devil. (Crowley) ♪Oh lord heal this bike.♪ (Aziraphale) I got carried away. (Crowley) Get in angel. (Aziraphale) Humans are good at finding other humans they've been doing it for thousands of years. Got any better ideas? Got one single better idea? (Crowley) Suspicion slides off him like, uh whatever it is water slides off. Unless you have a better idea? Ducks! (Aziraphale) What about ducks? (Crowley) They're what water slides off. So you just popped across the channel during a revolution because you wanted something to nibble. Dressed like that? (Aziraphale) I have standards! You all right? (Aziraphale) Perfectly yes! Uh, tip-top absolutely tickety-boo (Crowley) Tickety-boo? (Aziraphale) Mind how you go. (Aziraphale) We're both gonna have to get a bit of a wiggle on. (Crowley) What? (Aziraphale) Tadfield, airbase. I heard that it was the wiggle-on. (Aziraphale) Cocoa doth grow cold? Cocoa...oh! Sword, right um, ah, big sharp
cutty thing, yes. (Crowley) Hello Aziraphale! (Aziraphale) Well! Fancy! But they're drowning everybody else? Not the kids? You can't kill kids. (Aziraphale) Mhm. So, giving the mortals a flaming
sword, how did that work out for you? (Crowley) What was that he said that got everyone so upset? (Aziraphale) Be kind to each other. Oh yeah, that'll do it. (Aziraphale) Oh and let me tempt you to- oh, no that's that's your job isn't it. (Aziraphale) You mean like when the ghost of his father came on and I said 'he's behind you!' (Aziraphale) Oh he's not my friend, we've never met before, we don't know each other. (Man on stage) That is the question! (Aziraphale) To be! I mean not to be! Come on Hamlet! Buck up! For it all goes pear-shaped. I like pears. (Aziraphale) You cannot actually be suggesting, what i infer... you're implying. (Crowley) Yes, all right I'll do that one my treat. (Aziraphale) Oh really? (Crowley) Still prefer the funny ones (Crowley) Animals don't kill each other with clever machines angel only humans do that. (Aziraphale) Crowley! Oh, good lord. (Crowley) Walls have ears, well not
walls, trees have ears, ducks have ears. Do ducks have ears? Must do, so they can hear other ducks. If they knew I'd been fraternizing. (Aziraphale) It's completely out of the question! (Crowley) Fraternizing? And the feeling is mutual, obviously. (Aziraphale) No you're very good! I love all the... talking. (Crowley, mocking) Obviously. I just didn't want to see you embarrassed. (Aziraphale) What does the 'J ' stand for? (Crowley) Eh, it's just a 'J' really. Oh!
I forgot all the books! Oh they'll all be blown to- (Crowley) Little demonic miracle of my own. Lift home? (Crowley) Can I drop you anywhere? (Aziraphale) No, thank you. (Crowley) This is ridiculous, you are ridiculous, don't even know why I'm still talking to you. (Aziraphale) Well, frankly neither do I. (Crowley) Enough, I'm leaving. (Aziraphale) You can't leave Crowley! There isn't anywhere to go. (Aziraphale) We have nothing whatsoever in common, I don't even like you. (Crowley) You do! It's over! Well, then. *mumble* (Crowley) It's a big universe! Even if this all ends up in a puddle of burning goo we can go off together! Go off, together? (Crowley) We can run away together! Alpha
Centauri! Lots of spare planets up there, Nobody would even notice us. (Aziraphale) Crowley you're being ridiculous, look - You're so clever! How can somebody as clever as you be so stupid? (Crowley) When I'm off in the stars, I won't even think about you! (Aziraphale) You're the demon, I'm the nice one, I don't have to kill children. (Crowley) A- a- a- (Aziraphale) If you kill him then the world gets a reprieve- (God voiceover) Providing the dance was a gavotte, the answer is a straightforward one. I'm soft! (God voiceover) Good dancing, though... (God voiceover) For demons- (Angel) Don't think your boyfriend in the dark glasses will get you special treatment in hell. Oh f*ck! Somebody killed my best friend! Bastards! All of you! (Crowley) Aziraphale! (Aziraphale)Did you go to Alpha Centauri? (Crowley) No I changed my mind. Stuff happened... I lost my best friend. I'm so sorry to hear it. (Aziraphale) All of it? (Crowley) *stuttering* Yeah... (Crowley) Agnes Nutter! Yes! I took it!
(Aziraphale) You have it? Oh! (Crowley) Souvenir! (Aziraphale) Look inside I made notes! (Aziraphale) Angel, demon, probably explode. (Crowley) Yeah. (Aziraphale) I have no intention of fighting
in any war. (Crowley) Hail the great beast, devourer of worlds. Can i hear a wahoo? I really didn't like enough 14th century. This day's already got better. (Aziraphale as madame Tracy) Crowley! (Crowley) Hey Aziraphale! I see you found a ride, nice dress, suits you. (Aziraphale) Ah! (Aziraphale) Do something! (Crowley) I am having a moment here! (Aziraphale) There was a- well he was a... um *clears throat* wily old serpent and I uh was technically
on apple tree duty... (*Crowley shushing*) Come up with something! Or... or i'll never talk to you again! (Crowley) You can stay at my place, if you like. (Crowley as Aziraphale) Those are new. (Aziraphale as Crowley) I don't suppose that anywhere in the nine circles of hell there's such a thing as a rubber duck? (Aziraphale) I made the archangel Michael miracle me a towel! Perhaps one day we could, I don't know go
for a picnic, dine at The Ritz. You know, Crowley. I've always said that deep down
you really are quite a nice - (Crowley) Shut it! (Aziraphale) That was very kind of you. (Crowley) Shut up! (Sister Mary) Gentlemen. Sorry to break up an intimate moment- (Aziraphale) I'd like to think none of this would have worked out, if you weren't at heart just a little bit a good person. And if you weren't, deep down, just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing.
