Almost a year post narrowly-averted-Armageddon, an angel and a demon are bickering in a London flat about what to
do with their abundant spare time. Come on, Angel! It's just a little test. It'll only take a minute. You know how I feel about being tested as of late. (dramatic sigh) Come on! It's not that kind of test! It'll be fun! For me or for you? Both? Mostly me. But. (weird Crowley noise) I shopped for snuffboxes for three hours with you yesterday. Well, in that case. Alright. So, all you have to do is answer the questions honestly. Well, shouldn't be too hard for me. angel. Tsk. Right. You also have to answer them quickly, so don't overthink everything. Pottermore? Does this have something to do with Harry Potter? Yes, Angel! Just answer the questions, would you? I didn't know you read books. I don't. I watched the films. So on with it. I want to see what you get. They made films? What will humans think of next? Just... answer the questions. Alright. No need to get antsy. What did you put for your date of birth? Angel, just make something up, please. It doesn't go that far back. Lie. I can't do that. Crowley: (snakey hiss-sigh) Oh... my... What does it mean 'would I rather do this or that'? You just-- you just choose one, angel. Aziraphale: Oh. The one you'd rather do. Aziraphale: Crowley?
Crowley: Hm? How do you, um... How do you-- how do you go back? You don't. Oh. Aziraphale: I must have to restart then. I'm just-- I'm just gonna take... take a nap. Yeah. Uhh. Wake me up when it's, uh, I don't know, the 23rd century! Might I remind you we eat on the table? Ehh! Are glasses supposed to make your eyesight blurry? Crowley: Angel, you don't need glasses. You're an angel. Did I tell you where I got these glasses? Crowley: Where did you get these glasses? Crowley: Wait, no! Tell me AFTER! What? Crowley: Are you done yet?
Aziraphale: No! (annoyed snek sounds) It's the questions where I have to click on the answer and not type. No, it's just like, are you done?! You should be done! It's only supposed to take two minutes! Ten, maybe. I've only done three questions, Crowley. Crowley: WHAT?! Um, uhh, I'm just gonna go start... a fire. Aziraphale: Mmkay.
Crowley: I'll be back. Where are the matches? Angel, did you hide the matches again? Aziraphale: Yes. (snakey sigh) S'rude. That's just rude. I... I didn't want there to be a fire. Yeah, you didn't want me to start a fire. Aziraphale: Why? Did you want to start a fire?
Crowley: I just said I wanted to start a fire! Just... keep it contained... Why are you starting a fire? I did something, Crowley. What did you do, angel? There's a little spinny thing. Well, just miracle it! Miracle it where? To... work better. (Magic tinkle) Yeah. Cool. You're good at that. You alright down there? Yeah. Contemplating my existence. (mumbled) And... there. Oh, it's cold. Well, yeah! Been at this for three hours, angel! Three hours, really? Yeah, let's see what you've got! Ha! I knew it: Hufflepuff! You knew it? Well, yeah, it was that or Gryffindor, but loyalty, patience, kindness, being UNWAVERINGLY good... it was fitting for you. Plus, uh, Hufflepuffs really like food and being cozy. That's pretty much you in a nutshell, isn't it? Well, that's very ki-- uh-- uhhh-- I mean, uh, uh... I quite like that. Hm. Right. Well... what did you get? (sigh) What? When you took the quiz. Which house are you in, Crowley? Uh, oh, I-- I haven't taken it. I just, I wanted to see what you got. Well, you have to take the quiz now! Hardly seems fair that you know my house, but I don't know yours! Fine. Guess I can... do that. Aziraphale: Yes. But. Know that if I don't get Slytherin, I will be very disappointed. It'd be quite on the nose. Big fan of on the nose, me. Well, take it then. (magic tinkle) Angel. What the fuck? Aziraphale: Oh. So sorry, my dear boy. I, uh--
Crowley: (interrupting snek) Completely ruined. It's a lot sweeter now. Egh. Done. Well? What? Puh. There must be some mistake. Wha... what did you get? Hufflepuff. Never fear, my dear boy. It is a wonderful club to be in! Crowley, where are you going? To burn my Slytherin merchandise. Oh Crowley, don't do that. You know, I don't see why one should only be sorted into one house. Clearly, us ethereal beings can embody the traits of more than one. I'm not ethereal. I'm occult! Oh dear. I see you found a better fate than flames for your merchandise. Suppose I did. Did you say they made the books into picture shows? Yeah, in different words. Shall we watch one? Are you serious, angel? I don't see why not. Alright! (snap - magic woosh) (snap) (snap) (Almost, but not quite Harry Potter-like music starts playing) You know what'd be perfect-- (snap - magic woosh) Ah, yes. Perfect. Mm. Mhmm! Angel. Shh. You know, Crowley. What? You're not unwaveringly good. It's appreciated, angel. Now, shh, and watch the film. Ever once, in your whole existence, have you seen me eat popcorn? No. Well then... You might like it. No. I do like wine. Hm. And so a demon's hint was not taken, but it was a lovely evening anyway. I'm going to kill you. No you're not. Aw, you know me too well. Thank you for watching! Please hit that subscribe button if you want to become a part of the Tea Addicts Productions family and turn on bell notifications if you want to keep up with our Good Omens series!
