Indiana Jones 5 - Please Don't

indiana jones is without doubt one of the most iconic characters in the history of cinema everything about the guy is just [ __ ] cool from the bullwhip to the fedora to the leather jacket and his original trilogy of movies still ranks up there as one of my favorite series of all time a glorious throwback to the classic adventure serials of the 1950s that once inspired a young george lucas the character made an ill-advised comeback after a two-decade hiatus with 2008's kingdom of the crystal skull and as cool as it was to see lucas and spielberg working together again well i don't think that movie's gonna rank as anyone's finest hour so like most people i kind of assumed that that was the end of the road yeah there was still occasional talk about doing a fifth movie but nobody's heart seemed to be in it and it never really came to anything as the years passed it seemed less and less likely that the film was ever gonna happen harrison ford was getting older george lucas was losing interest in making movies steven spielberg dropped out of the project and audiences weren't exactly crying out for another indiana jones adventure but cometh the hour cometh the money hungry mega corporation determined to resurrect every dusty old franchise they can get their hands on so they can squeeze a few more bucks from their increasingly disenchanted fans having thoroughly bulldozed star wars into the ground disney and lucasfilm have clearly been on the hunt for another classic series they can shamelessly exploit and it didn't take long for their restless gays to land on indiana jones now normally i wouldn't give a [ __ ] about stuff like that the movie's been firmly stuck in development hell for more than a decade but judging by the statements and pressure releases over the past year or so it's looking increasingly likely that they've somehow found a way to make it happen and the more i try to imagine the prospect of modern day lucasfilm [ __ ] out another indie movie the more i think please don't [ __ ] do this everything about this movie tells me it's gonna be a [ __ ] stinker for a start let's consider who's behind this movie well i'll tell you who isn't behind it neither george lucas nor steven spielberg are directly involved now which should be an immediate red flag for everyone say what you want about george's abilities as a writer and director but when it comes to story ideas the guy absolutely understood what made the indie movies work steven spielberg is another big loss here the guy's been one of the greatest directors in hollywood history for the past 40 years so the fact that he's not even involved in this one apart from a meaningless producer role really tells me that this one's up [ __ ] creek so neither of those guys are behind this movie but i'll tell you who is behind it [Music] yep somehow kathleen kennedy's managed to avoid the chopping block despite her seemingly endless fuck-ups with star wars man it must feel awesome to destroy a multi-billion dollar franchise and not have to take a single bit of responsibility for it anyway as the president of lucasfilm for now at least she's directly overseeing the development of indy 5 which should tell you everything you need to know about where this film's heading see kathleen kennedy isn't a big fan of traditional strong masculine white male characters which perhaps explains why han solo and luke skywalker had to be degraded humiliated and deconstructed before ultimately getting killed off in favor of flawless idealized female replacements speaking of which one of the many depressing announcements about this movie was the admission that phoebe waller bridge would be co-starring alongside harrison ford and if that name sounds familiar to you well you may remember her from such thrilling roles as the voice of l337 in solo and she's probably better known for her writing rather than her acting work she cut her teeth with fleabag and killing eve over here in the uk both of which were drenched in feminist identity politics and were probably given more praise than they really deserved more recently she was brought in to emasculate sorry improve the script for the latest james bond movie no time to die can't wait to see that when it finally comes out in 2032. anyway given her track record of scripts and characters that focus heavily on female empowerment i think you can probably guess why waller bridge came to the intention of kathleen kennedy and if you need another little piece of this devious puzzle then consider the time period in which this movie's gonna take place the original trilogy was set just before the outbreak of world war ii so the natural choice for antagonists were a certain political party that was popular in germany around that time it made sense i guess because let's be honest nobody's gonna shed a tear when guys like that get killed off in horrific fashion kingdom of the crystal skull was forced to move things forward to the 1950s to account for harrison ford's increasing age so the film was set against the backdrop of cold war tension and red scare paranoia and the soviets became the new bad guys damn imagine a disney movie these days that was openly critical of communism since it's been more than 10 years since the last film that would place it sometime in the 1960s hmm i'm trying to think of major events that were taking place in america around that time yep it's the civil rights era a time of mass protests and social revolution when racial and sexual politics dominated the national conversation i wonder if any of that stuff will possibly factor into a movie with an elderly straight white male protagonist whose attitudes in world view are almost certainly out of step with the times i wonder if he'll need a cohort of diverse idealistic young people to show him the error of his ways oh and if you're still not convinced by this i'd like to point out that shawnette renee wilson from black panther has recently joined the cast i wonder what kind of character she might end up playing so yeah get ready for an extra large helping of identity politics with this one i'd be willing to bet that indie's gonna spend most of the movie getting outsmarted out fought and outrun by his younger smarter and more diverse co-stars who look at each other and swap occasionally exasperated looks as they wait for the old man to catch up with them and if you think for one second that that couldn't possibly happen to indiana jones then you clearly haven't been following the trajectory of hollywood movies over the past five years the last major problem and this is a big one is harrison ford himself there's no way of sugarcoating this one the guy's too [ __ ] old now i mean be honest with yourself do you really want to see an 80 year old man hobbling around on arthritic joints trying to pretend like he's still a kick-ass adventurer don't get me wrong ford's still in great shape for a man of his age but ultimately he is still a man of his age and no amount of training is going to turn back the clock by 40 years it's the same reason that nobody wanted to watch a tired out of shape arnold lumbering out of semi-retirement to play the t-800 again or a frail confused looking patrick stewart embarking on the next leg of the jean-luc picard apology to her each of these guys were awesome in their day but their day is very much over now and there comes a time in every man's life where he really needs to take a step back and say i'm too old for this [ __ ] ford barely got away with it in crystal skull and that was 13 years ago basically what i'm saying here is that it's probably time for him to hang up the fedora and say goodbye to the character once and for all it might not have been the glorious send-off that everyone hoped for but at least indy came through kingdom of the crystal skull more or less intact bringing him back now into a hyper-politicized entertainment landscape overseen by a company that actively hates the kind of wholesome old-fashioned escapist fun that he represents would do absolutely nothing to add to his legacy in fact it would actively tarnish its anyway that's all i've got for today go away now

Channel: The Critical Drinker

Views: 1,510,245

Keywords: Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Harrison Ford, Goerge Lucas, Kathleen Kennedy, feminism, SJW

Id: aJrLxO8CGRg

Length: 8min 0sec (480 seconds)

Published: Wed May 19 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/Dsol68]

More movies = more memes

[u/the_midget123]

All I want is practical effects like the ones early in in the indy trilogy, with a lower budget. As lower budget leads to amazing ideas. The female cast of indy have been brilliant in the movies. And the movies are about cultural history so other ethnicity play large roles in the movies

[u/conkface]

There are a host of reasons the film could be bad but acknowledging women and people of color aren't one of them. The series has always had strong female characters (maybe with the exception of Willie). Further, there's nothing to suggest that Indy, who is also an academic, would be adverse to women or minorities gaining more social and political power. For f*ck's sake, he respected Judaism, Hinduism, and a radical Christian sect. If anything, he should be seen as a man NOT of his time.

[u/Hudsony12]

isn't this youtuber the same guy who made a video complaining about the new tomb raider games because lara's boobs weren't big enough for him?

[u/Ssood95]

After what James Mangold did with Wolverine I have faith that he can send Indy off the right way as well

[u/DarthDinkster]

This dude’s whole argument for why Indie5 might be bad is just because it’ll have women in it. I don’t think there’s really anything to agree on, considering all the dumbass shit he said.

[u/IrnBrhu]

Aye the guy is a fucking bellend. I liked his review of ww84 (the first thing I saw) but then I quickly realised he only ever has problems with (and he seems to have a problem with every) female-led movie

[u/Wasdgta3]

It’s absolutely hilarious how he makes all these criticisms without really even bothering to try and back it up with any evidence.

I mean, he’s saying Phoebe Waller-Bridge “emasculated” James Bond in No Time To Die, but I have no idea what he’s basing that on since that movie hasn’t even come out yet.

[u/Thenewdoc]

I mean this guy believes that their is a war going on at Lucasfilm so I'd take his opinion with a grain of salt.