In Defence of Breaking Dawn Part 2

breaking darn part two is really good twilight is a character from my little pony friendship it's magic twilight is a prequel to batman 2022. you know what you are say it out loud say it i'm vengeance if you could outrun me as if you could fight me off twilight is a really good album to which the movie was a companion piece i don't like these movies oh i've seen them and i've read the books a couple times i don't think they're very good but like many people in my generation i've grown to find them very compelling compelling is a useful word when evaluating something as elusive as quality in art does it move you in any direction did something happen or did it leave you stagnant no one knows what it means but it's provocative does it have an intended effect does it have an unintended effect that's also valuable does it do both at the same time while doing neither it's bad and it's good and it's great and it sucks and it's funny but it's not and i like it but i don't i never get the impulse to watch twilight but whenever i do there is much to discuss i don't come to the series for the craft i don't come to it to feel things i come to it to go what australian man an alleged tram driver mason from the mr sunday movies comic book movie review channel mr sunday movies said it most eloquently they're bad but there's a lot of stuff in it there's a lot of stuff in it there's not a lot of plot necessarily but there's a lot of things where you go over time for its particularities and idiosyncrasies twilight has cultivated a nostalgic cult fandom as well as corresponding retroactive criticism the final film breaking dawn part two has two major complaints one the final fight is fake to jacob and prince on a baby be anything she needs oh no oh yes writing an adult man falling in love with a baby not cool he imprints on a baby jacob imprinted on a baby but i had a bed of poor mental health lately and instead of seeking help i rewatched all these movies with a little bit of drool coming out of my mouth and when breaking dawn part 2 came on i was like [Applause] i cannot stress how much a baby was falling in love with this is a pretty good movie that carefully emphasizes the strengths of the original text and there was a lot of thought put into that final battle that everyone decried and subtle choices that enhance minor characters and imprinting would be really cool if it wasn't the way it was and was a different way instead part one fake fight fake fight fake fight in breaking dawn bella and edward have a baby named ratatouille and this causes two very large problems these two problems come from two parties who both hate the baby the werewolves and the volturi two groups with very different fashion senses [Music] are the oldest and strongest vampire clan in the world globally enforcing vampire law the most relevant of which most of the time being that vampires must kill inconspicuously as to not accrue the attention and ire of humanity they're pretentious weird italians who maintain a secret society of knowledge death and kokoda meatball another law of the valtteri says don't make a vampire kid don't bite a kid and turn them immortal kids are they they don't have rights we shouldn't give them bloodlust and immortality belen edwards baby rasputin is not one of these immortal children she was not bitten as a child she is a very rare natural born vampire human hybrid but this [ __ ] doesn't know that you just have to say that you're fine when you're not really fine the entire final film revolves around this impending potential violence as the volturi very slowly come to slaughter the cullens for their alleged crime in response the cullen family calls in a bunch of favors for people to stand near them and testify as to the baby's babiness and not vampireness they rapidly and suddenly introduce a dozen new characters including raymie malik and lee pace two people that i want to take me on a date first i better finish my meal outfit do that to me the theory is the voltory aren't gonna ask questions upon arrival they're to see the baby and immediately brute force slaughter her and everyone who gets in the way they like killing babies they're not afraid to do it unless there is formidable opposition to give them paws who can then attest to the baby's babiness and not not vampireness that's basically what plays out in the book there's a bunch of invisible conflict there's a tense political debate evidence is presented and then everyone goes home because the book isn't about violence it's a kinky christian sex power fantasy where everyone's obsessed with bella for no reason and everyone's dangerous but they love her so much that she is safe hurt me but make me feel safe at the same time the world building and conflict exists because the whole book can't just be bell and edward looking at each other going but in the movie fifth in a franchise blockbuster finale you can't just have everyone look at each other then walk away that is unsatisfying so they choose as they rarely do in these very faithful films to veer sharply away from the source material carlisle dies jasper dies everyone's dying it's mortal kombat up in this [ __ ] but it was all a dream oh we don't like when it's fake it don't matter you trick me the complaint here is they tried to have their cake and eat it too they deviate from the source material to simulate a cinematic climax but then they pull the rug out from underneath you and reveal it was a conflict with no stakes well you can have that opinion but also no the fake fight is a stroke of adaptive genius taking loose threads from the novel and weaving them together into a new satisfying conclusion appropriate to the medium and it all starts with arrows relationship with alice this is all about house the volturi contrary to what they claim are not pillars of immovable justice governing over vampire kind for the collective well-being they're violent corrupt dictators that enlist superpowered vampires in an elitist collection an amassing of nuclear power who feel increasingly threatened by the loyalty and talent that the cullens are amassing i read arrow's mind he wants me and alice to join him breaking down part two is a lot like dune except it isn't and alice cullen is another person that i want to date hi bella bella it's time it's time it's time come on guys mommy all vampires have super strength and super senses all of all of the supers but some of them when turned into vampires develop special talents alice's talent besides making me attracted to women with short haircuts for the rest of my life is subjective precognition visions of the future based on trajectories of people's current decisions alice doesn't see unchangeable inevitable moments in a fixed timeline but the results of current trajectories an individual's current intentions and decisions come to fruition when decisions and conditions change alice's visions also change this tells us in this universe the future is not an area of the time-space continuum that we simply can't perceive as linear cognitive beings but is an unfixed and malleable soup until it lapses the threshold of the present and becomes the past so free will canonically exist in this universe we can put that debate to rest the final fight of breaking dawn part 2 takes place within one of alice's visions of the potential future then when arrow sees this conflict ending with his death he decides to leave the cohens for now to save himself and provides our happy ending but it's not that simple alice's vision of the battle is a little more real than you might think part two psychic feedback loops just like in miraculous tales of ladybug and cat noir the most interesting thing about the magic system in this universe is when the powers interact with each other the first obvious example of this is between alice and edward edward's power allows him to read people's minds alice's visions of the future take place in her mind so effectively when edward is around alice he just has her power poor jasper has to put her down with crayons like write down what you what you're seeing so i can see edward's just like word edward's mind-reading power goes crazy all over the place when you start to think about it one of the cullen allies that is called to their aid is zafrina who has the power to make anyone see anything she wants them to she can just launch you into a hallucination with a thought i can do that to cats when i'm high it comes in handy when the cones have to restrain the denali sisters after they're trying to gain vengeance for their sister getting summarily executed in front of them safrina blinds them making any effort to persist futile kind of like when you cover the head of a chicken and it just stops moving because do have any of you guys owned chickens i have a rich tapestry of a backstory so say zafrina does this to edward which she kind of does earlier can edward still see wouldn't he have the sight of everyone around him does he have panoptic vision like when you die in call of duty and you flip through everyone's eyes in spectator mode i can read every mind in this room then the most unhinged thing is when edward is interacting with arrow arrow can also read minds but differently he has to touch you but upon physical contact he downloads your entire brain and all your memories so when arrow touches edward he can see all of edward's memories and edward can see precisely what arrow's experiencing so he is also experiencing arrow experiencing all of edward which means arrow can see edward seeing arrow see edward seeing arrows see edward who is seeing arrow seeing edward add infinitum every time these two touch it just goes something of similar paradoxical tone is occurring in this final fake fight as alice's vision is being experienced by arrow alice claims to have proof that ramsay's the second is no threat to vampire kind and this is true so she must presume when arrow touches her hand and knows the truth beyond a shadow of a doubt her vision of the future will change the conditions necessitating conflict are now been altered and so she will see something else so when he takes her hand and her vision of the bloodbath doesn't change she realizes that he's dead set on killing them regardless to eliminate their growing influence and to acquire alice's powers for the volturi he knows we'll never choose him as long as our family's still alive it doesn't matter what i show you you still won't change your decision the only update to the vision is the part where alice realizes she couldn't have prevented it which is the final battle we see in the movie the altered vision as a result of her vision not changing which arrow then also sees that on its own i think is so weird and interesting that i care about the final fight but also the filmmakers put such a strange amount of detail and passion into what they decide occurs in the fight part three carlisle cullen i heard the chief's daughter was here daddy i'm sorry i need to be put down when alice's vision of the future doesn't change upon arrow of fully understanding the situation first she signals to bella to instigate their contingency plan for the baby's survival jacob will run away with ravenclaw with documents that allow them to go into hiding indefinitely then second she up smashes the dictator of her political world into the sun [Music] this is the moment fan hits the [ __ ] the volturi sees alice and start to drag her away carlyle her very hot father runs to her defense he's really hot so in control of his bloodlust that he's a doctor and he's always in control and i want him to be in control of me how do you do it years and years of practice daddy can we get a carlisle fan cam real quick [Music] anyways he dies carlisle's death is entirely unacceptable he is the a priory good man in this series carlisle and his vampire coven of cullen children are vegetarian vampires who survive off of animal blood exclusively so that they don't have to kill any humans and other cannibalistic vampires think this is weird and unnatural but despite their feelings about his appetite and ideology they still respect him enough to come to his aid with the volturi then the werewolves are literally genetically compelled to purge vampires in defense of humanity but carlisle single-handedly earns their trust over the course of the series at first the werewolves don't trust the cullens enough to even be around them in their human form they don't trust us enough to be in their human form they came that's what matters but by the end of eclipse jacob gets some bones broken and carlisle leaps to his aid as a doctor and is quickly tacitly invited deep into werewolf territory to treat him in the chaos [Music] afterwards jacob's father ends up shaking his hand in a quiet momentous trans-cultural act of unity the relationship between these two factions is so emboldened by their uniting to fight against a common threat that the next movie the werewolves are attending a vampire wedding they invited one you just have to say that you're fine when you're not really fine when the cullens initially settled in this werewolf territory they established a truce under a treaty with several clauses the primary one of which being that they don't go on each other's lands and that if a vampire bites a person instead of an animal it's game over it's hunting season they start expanding this truce when they go on each other's territory and then when jacob's having a hissy fit and fantasizing about being able to finally kill edward as soon as he bites bell and turns into a vampire the breach of the treaty is inevitable but the wolf pack leader goes i don't care at least i'll get one thing out of it no you won't cullens are not a danger to the town or the tribe and the treaty says i say [ __ ] the treaty i'm the one who enforces it we're not supposed to go into each other's land either you were just at our [ __ ] wedding this guy saved your life a movie ago and bella's been horny to become a vampire since 2008 blind enforcement of the vampire wolf treaty results in unproductive scenarios anyways like the failed pursuit of an invasive murderous species and eclipse victoria keeps trying to press into their territories to kill bella because she's obsessed with both because everyone's obsessed with bella in this universe victoria [Music] she evades the vampires and the wolves by dancing over their territory line wait she's in their territory two factions have a common goal here a common enemy identical purpose and yet when emmett over extends himself and breaches the werewolf territory they let their true enemy go so they can enforce the treaty this is a beautiful demonstration of how contracts can be deleterious to utilitarian purpose arrow's ultimate insult that finally provokes bloodshed is to kill the man that proved vampires can be vegans and dogs or her friends carlisle was patently the best of them and now arrows holding his head like a freshly plucked turnip and smiling like i did when lee pace got electric shocked and made this passably post-coital face i'm saving that for later part four the twilight movies elevate the text of jane jane of the volturi guard is my favorite character in twilight and not just because i want her to do pain on me pain do that to me when her character was introduced the new moon we immediately grasped the severity of her reputation with some very efficient silent storytelling wants to speak with you again you wouldn't want to make a scene enough arrows sent me to see what was taking so long just do what she says her mere presence ends discourse she doesn't even bother having a conversation she just walks the [ __ ] away we go on to see she's a lap dog at the volturi deeply feared but seemingly disinterested kind of bored the first time she emotes is when she's commanded to test bella's immunity to vampire powers for fun and science let us see if she is immune to all our powers whatever horror was implied by the skittish behavior of those around her this is the payoff of it her bad thing that makes everyone so tense edward frantically leaps in the line of fire and we get to see what this is stop please stop jane can just set all the nerves of your body on fire props to rob pat for going full ugly in this scene although jane is now torturing the wrong person and accomplishing nothing she doesn't seem to give a [ __ ] please stop like a violent little dog let off its leash she's just happy to have her teeth out when reigned in by arrow it's like she's waking up to an alarm clock from a good dream then she tries to paint on bella and it doesn't work and jane is so rattled by that she keeps trying getting increasingly uncomfortable until arrow claps with scientific glee and at this time it's like she's jolting awake from a nightmare here very economically with basically no dialogue we get an expediated examination of this minor character's psyche jane is universally feared for her unearned talent so she moves through the world with the comfort of one never defied when someone resists her their fate is sealed when her name is spoken by her masters she knows what to do she has a simple pure existence she takes obvious jubilee in this level of control and certainty in the world around her which makes bella's resistance to her extremely unnerving jane is woefully ill-equipped for the situation in which she is insufficient she doesn't understand failure when she gets her first whiff of it she panics immediately deprived of her inherited unearned privilege basically jane is white and that's all that happens with her in that movie the movie forgets about her she's not that important but with some choice framing and acting decisions they were able to make a compelling two-part story about a mindless agent of violence forced to confront their own limitations for the first time then she's an eclipse but it's not conducive to my point so i'm ignoring it don't need to do that she'll tell you anything you want to know i know until breaking dawn part 2's fake feedback fight when we conclude this tale of hubris and humiliation during the standoff at arrow's command to provoke battle he orders jane to do pain on edward again unlike a new moon this time she has no reason to expect to be called off she's content to just torture him until his family is forced to help him but bella's threat to jane's apex status has gotten much worse unbeknownst to her bella can now extend her immunity to her friends and family the film language then tells us she's just literally wontonly throwing her torture around indiscriminately trying to get back that rush of dominance and figure out what's happening no one's bending and bella is smiling at her [ __ ] shane at this point involuntarily lunges at bella which is crazy jane can't fight she's never had to we don't even see her use super speed like every other vampire she rests on her laurels indulging in her god-given talent and tortures while letting other people fight forward take care of that felix i'd like to go home the only person we've seen her physically kill is a literal toddler this involuntary physical lurch towards their object of frustration is a very childish tantrum at the expanding doubt in her hitherto unquestioned authority then when the fight begins she's an emotional whiplash entirely reliant on the binary 1-0 yes no answer of can i torture people when she tries to torture someone and bella's protecting them then bella gets tackled by dimitri and she can torture jasper and he dies and she's happy then jasper's brother kills jane's brother in retaliation mom can you pick me up i'm scared i never occurred to her that that could happen then she tortures a little puppy and has his neck snapped and she's happy again then demetri gets decapitated by edward she looks like a nine-year-old getting bullied then alice the surviving lover of the recently deceased jasper is making eye contact with her with clear intent to murder no problem put the pain on her the pain isn't working bella's shielding her [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] run away [ __ ] i don't run as fast as anyone out here i got noodle legs i've never had to do anything before [ __ ] in a glorious release of interspecies harmony alice drags jane by the scruff of the neck to a savage bear attack death at the hands of the pack leader revenging his youngest pup jesus good old bear attack death jane's downfall and her disbelief in it as it occurs encapsulates the larger thematic conflict between the cullen clan and the volturi the valturi as an institution act out of a sense of inherited entitlement while feigning to be enforcing law and protection of values or society they actually act out of the belief that they're inherently better than other people and their power is self-justifying it's a metaphor for the government dismantle political structures put our politicians in oculus rifts and simulate that they're constantly winning elections so they are always uh just touching themselves and leave us alone except aoc and kanye west i want to see what happens then we'll replace fire hydrants with gas tanks but not tell anybody part five domino death look i could change the lights now isn't that fun how do i undo lightly put the callous exploitation of relationships backfires on the volturi first they kill irina denali in front of her sisters to try to provoke attack then jane tortures edward to try to provoke attack then arrow kills carlisle to provoke attack and that one works and we get edward's dragon ball z punch but the volturi don't expect as best exemplified by jane is that the cullen's close bonds with each other is more powerful than hereditary's pseudo-royal italian talent and prestige alec felix and jane kill jasper and jasper's lover and two of his brothers kill all them right back chaos kills irena and then irina's sisters kill chaos with the help of lee pace because lee pace and kate denali start [ __ ] in the background of this movie which is great we live through this i'll follow you anywhere woman now you tell me jane kills the werewolf cub and then the werewolf alpha kills jane go away leah i can take care of myself and marcus the oldest and most bored of the volturi beats his death at the hands of two transylvanians that he sabotaged long ago we've been waiting 1500 years but in another poetic adaptive flair the filmmakers choose to make marcus graciously accept his death this guy has like two lines in the series but i see a lifetime in his death and of course in the most dramatic and fleshed-out character arc in the series leah saves esme's life after refusing her sandwich [Music] touching the fight finally ends with edward and bella avenging their father and when arrow snaps out of the vision back into reality the crowd is too busy booing because the fight was fake to notice that he's evaluating the chain of events backwards realizing the relationships resulted in his demise jacob and rihanna the escapees arrows sandwiched between edward and bella vladimir and stefan who end old man marcus the denali sisters with lee pace avenging the death of irene by ripping chaos off by the cheeks jesus christ jane idly glancing at the wolf pack her confidence still intact rosalie and emmett staring down alec and dimitri who are still holding an alive jasper captive then arrow's revelation is complete when he at last looks at carlisle he sees the time knife i saw the time nice the chain of relationship and revenge that ricochets across this battlefield starting with carlisle cullen and ending in the collapse of the volturi so we get the cathartic fight all those satisfying conclusions to arcs and relationships and then arrow has this carefully constructed moment of clarity and then faithfully to the novel the volturi just [ __ ] off back to the vatican in one last flourish of adaptation that's not in the book arrow takes the time to turn his attention from alice to bella such a prize bella as an object of edward and jacob's obsession was indirectly the instigator of this massive web of intimate relationships transcending biological and cultural essentialism knitting together a rainbow coalition that can overthrow the government arrow looks at that and is like [ __ ] the fortune teller i want the plot armor part six jacob and prince on a baby and so he does okay so for this movie breaking dawn part two is an individual installment i'm trying to save jacob from this one joke so should i start calling your dad this joke all in its lonesome confirms imprinting as divinely mandated grooming and without it the movie almost gets away with a more wholesome interpretation the concept of imprinting is introduced in eclipse and in the initial descriptor of it it doesn't specify that it's romantic but it also very clearly is in real life imprinting is when a young creature identifies an external agent as a parent or a major source of reliability and trust and imprinting means i accept you as mum okay so jacob thinks the baby is his mommy stephanie meyer co-ops this real-life phenomenon into a mystical occurrence where werewolves were once in their lives see a woman and just become slavishly committed to them forever so sam dumps leah for emily it's more than some crush bill say i'm imprinted on emily okay so then jacob thinks that the baby is his wife in training that's worse the insurmountable problem that this story runs into is that imprinting was obviously concocted as a psychosexual fantasy and then later they want to treat it as a world-building element that can solve a conflict yes the initial description of imprinting is not explicitly romantic it is at its heart theoretically just the supernatural chaining of your existence to another when you see her everything changes all of a sudden it's not gravity holding you to the planet it's her but it's constantly mentioned one sentence away from romance the first example we see of it in this universe is the pack leader sam who tragically left a happy relationship with leah to be with the wolfy imprint subject emily sam hates himself for hurting leah but emily was the one and then jacob rambles about how he wishes he imprinted on bella because then she would love him back and he tries and he tries and he's getting cut so it's telling us like imprinting isn't naturally psychosexual it just happens to be all the time but it can't be by its own internal logic this notion that a wolf that imprints on a girl will be the perfect partner for the girl it has two glaring assumptions one the assumption that the object of the imprinted would want to date the wolf back and two that the wolf would want to date the imprintee they say the object of imprinting's whoa they say that the object of imprinting certainly could reject the wolf but the conclusion that they come to is although a woman may initially reject her wolf or initially not have feelings for them it's also unlikely to last because the wolf will be their perfect partner either by cosmic determination or the wolf will change themselves to be exactly what the girl needs ladies raise your hand if you've ever known a boy who was always there for you at all times and is thinking about you constantly and his well-being is 100 contingent on yours and is willing to alter themselves for your benefit so that you like them more that is not a good mate that is cloying and very unsexy trust me i know men really like me if a werewolf is genuinely chained in loyalty and programmed by god to want the best for the object of their imprinting forever wouldn't the werewolf be vigorously supportive of any relationship that the girl wants surely by merit of its perfection imprinting is at its core unromantic and asexual and rooted over everything else in primal loyalty and when you're looking at the text it's like it wants you to think that but the emphasis overrides the content in the book at one point jacob drives off to another town and is sitting at a park creepily staring at pretty women trying to imprint on somebody that isn't bella to save him from his heartbreak and then two chapters later he imprints on a baby requires mental gymnastics not to associate these events with each other then in this movie there's this unhinged scene where these imprinted couples are crawling all over each other on one part of the beach while the incel unimprinted [ __ ] sit twiddling their thumbs on the virgin side this is not how people in relationships behave in public just lying in a mushy pile of parallel play pda 20 meaty soulmate couples and then they just pin some people are just lucky i guess i'm chris hanson and i'm a reporter for dateline nbc what do you want me to make of you showing these things back to back except for that grown man is going to take the girl to the pda pile when she's 18. it is impossible to accept these two thoughts simultaneously that the relationship's going to be mentorable and perfectly wholesome until a tipping point when the woman reaches maturity you're just like no no it's magic and he's perfect for her it'll be fine i don't feel fine call me old-fashioned i don't think that you should befriend or take responsibility for children that you suspect on any level you might want as a lover one day and if it is actually a romantic sexual fantasy thing don't let them imprint on babies twilight wants it both ways and the consequences are dire they want us to fully accept this guardian angel wholesome interpretation while simultaneously constantly emphasizing the romance and letting jacob say this horrible joke did i start calling your dad part seven improving imprinting in spike jones's her released in 2013 a line of sentient operating systems are developed and sold to the consumers of a futuristic world the os's develop emotionally and intellectually at a rapid rate a rate that eventually outpaces human consciousness and at the end the computers collectively transcend into godhood despite the ultra-fast sci-fi development it is unavoidable that our main character is dating a person he bought can literally turn on and off and is technically under a year old in both her and twilight there are moments where the text criticizes the potentially inappropriate nature of a relationship you're dating your computer you imprinted on my daughter but conceptually and ethically i think that twilight could take one note from her that would make him printing much more palatable and more compelling i was reading an article the other day that romantic relationships with os's are statistically rare thing can happen it's just statistically rare with the inclusion of this caveat and the exclusion of this joke should i start calling your dad i'm chris hanson i'm actually pretty down for the supernatural beast being divinely damned to unbreakable filthy to a child it's like anime and it retains all the best and most interesting parts about imprinting sam can still be the first one introduced with it it makes sense that he imprinted on somebody else in his relationship tragically fell apart and then they happen to be a great couple you can have that one and it also retains and reinforces the suitably creative and satisfying resolution to breaking dawn one's conflict the truce between werewolves and vampires that has been built up for a few movies it faces the possibility of being extinguished eternally as bella is pregnant with a half-vampire child and the werewolves are revolted by this concept it's unnatural dangerous monstrosity so they want to take abortion to the next level never mind if something i says upset you don't comment just come kill me we must destroy it before it gets bored you mean kill bro jacob is so convicted about this that he breaks the wolf pack's psychic bond and becomes an alpha with his big boy voice jacob will not and he becomes his own alpha because his great grandfather was an alpha and the alpha leads the wolf pack with his dick jacob's defection from the pack delays the wolf attack for a time until bella dies in childbirth child born bella dies in childbirth and ronald reagan is born jacob gutted by bella's death decides to kill rum tum tugger himself until he makes eye contact with her and instead of biting her head off he develops the most intense protective bond that anyone this universe can have so before the wolf vampire battle can go too far jacob bleeps out wolf sub opens his consciousness back up to sam and ends it in the book it's made clear that when jacob defects from the pack and becomes his own alpha his psychic connection to the rest of the wolves is severed normally when they're in wolf form they all feel each other's feelings and read each other's thoughts but he finally experiences quiet thereafter it's discovered that the alphas between different packs can communicate with each other but less empathically and more informationally willingly for practical purposes but breaking dawn the movie excludes this information and never elaborates on the two-pack dynamic so what it looks like to me here is jacob going wolf rejoining the pack which would mean opening his consciousness and flooding all of them with his newfound love for reggie giggs killing anyone a wolf has imprinted upon is strictly forbidden because of the incalculable immeasurable pain it will cause the wolf and by extension everyone in his pack mind if you read this as jacob psychically rejoining the pack he's simultaneously offering his subordinates while trapping them in an inability to kill the person they were just about to kill this half human half vampire child is also now strictly under the protection of the werewolves she's the nexus of unity between the factions jacob imprinted they can't hurt her it's their most absolute law this is kind of [ __ ] epic part eight but come on is it gonna date the baby well the book is unfortunately very comfortable asserting yeah you're the only one we could ever trust her with i murmured to him if you didn't love her so much i could never bear this i know you can protect her jacob he whined again and dipped his head to butt it against my shoulder i know i love you too jake you'll always be my best man a tear the size of a baseball rolled into the russet fur beneath his eye edward leaned his head against the same shoulder where he'd placed ren rennes renee's me ren ran esme goodbye jacob my brother my son wow happily ever after everyone gets a soulmate but at what cost i understand the novel's justification for it and i will report it but this is not me one wolf imprinting is so wholesome and perfect he couldn't possibly think of rhinoplasty that way until it was the perfect time for everyone and until then he's the perfect friend and guardian quill imprinted with a two-year-old it happens jacob shrugged he been to grab another rock and sent it flying out into the bay or so the stories say but she's a baby he looked at me with dark amusement quill's not getting any older he reminded me a bit of acid in his tone he'll just have to be patient for a few decades i don't know what to say i was trying my hardest not to be critical but in truth i was horrified until now nothing about the werewolves had bothered me since the day i'd found out that they weren't committing the murders i suspected them of you're making judgments he accused i can see it on your face sorry but it sounds really creepy and number two the book spends a lot more time emphasizing rumpelstiltskin's unnervingly adult cognizance from birth as she whips towards physical maturation at four times the rate of a human so jacob's like 18 and by this logic rin tintin will be older than him in six years i remind you this is the book's justification it's not mine the movie spends way less time than the book on everyone being constantly unnerved by your uncanny maturity but they do give her that one really cool moment with arrow i want to talk about that part part another part before roblox learns to talk she can already intelligently communicate with her vampire power which is the inverse of arrows by touching someone's face she can force them to experience her memories and feelings i thought it was really cool in the book that as a baby if she wanted to contribute to a conversation she would touch the face of the person holding her and just replay the last second from her perspective either to impart her thoughts and feelings about it or ask an implicit question it's also with this power that the cullens are able to convince their allies that she's not an immortal child and she requires advocacy inevitably in the final standoff rip van winkle is brought directly before arrow i'd like to meet her arrow is polite he's subtle with his domination of other people he maintains this veneer of magnanimous diplomacy and kindness but he subtly subjugates people when he warmly invites them to take his hand in greeting it's never brought up but with this simple ritual he is exerting complete control over other people he's smiling nicely while he's doing it but he's still invading their minds and depriving them of privacy and visually and psychologically recreating a kind of kissing of the ring but when he meets robitussin and offers her his hand she ignores him and reaches up and touches his face forcing him to contend with her existence on her terms this also happens in the book but in the book arrow has no reaction because he's used to experiencing someone else's emotions and feelings and thoughts and memories but the movie again puts its little faithful with a flare adaptive sauce on it showing him debased by this symbolic disruption to his ritual it's just another little moment in the book that is given a little extra juice by the film adaptation so speaking of things the movie does better does breaking dawn part two the movie think that jacob's gonna date the baby i argue no except this [ __ ] joke should i start calling your dad as soon as roller skates is born and jacob imprints upon her the movie retreats at breakneck pace towards any plausible deniability they might have they still take the time to bloodlet the instinctual revulsion and skepticism that the audience would have about this through bella discovering the jacob print on the baby to great comedic effect but mercifully they then exclude the book's constant insinuations that jacob will be bella's son-in-law or the months it takes for bella and edward to be comfortable with jacob and her daughter's relationship they just beeline it to jacob being like it's not what you think edward can read my mind if it was what you then would he wouldn't let me live she's a baby it's not like that you think edward would let me live if it was all i want is from that part to be safe happy it's not about that it's not about that it's not what you think it's not about that and it doesn't mean what you think bella they play the disgust as a misunderstanding acknowledge it and then move on with the guardian angel interpretation and you know what i can get down with that that's a good adaptive choice thank you alice's happily ever after vision of the main characters at the end also pulls a punch leaving just enough space for a charitable interpretation rico nasty just has her head on jacob's shoulder and that's it no kiss no wedding nothing this is vague enough to satisfy the weird twilight fans who need them to get together while not explicitly ruling out the guardian angel interpretation or it would if it weren't for this joke did i start calling your dad jacob mentioning that he's thinking about this even for a second is unforgivable this self-aware snark is not worth it they already got the greatest possible self-referential wink nudge doubting skepticism joke about at the start of the movie you nicknamed my daughter after the loch ness monster how the [ __ ] you gonna top that why is kristen stewart the most unconvincing mother ever put to film a snowflake it's beautiful we're all gonna be together now you're not my dad be good hearts up stop not being hard why am i even talking about this why didn't i just talk about the final fight and join the chorus of imprinting condemnation is this hill worth dying on cj you piece of [ __ ] vampire lee pace decides who he kills and eats based on their bad art [Music] i need him to touch me so in the first installment edward meets bella that's the inciting incident because of two phenomena that are happening simultaneously the first one obviously the relevant one that actually triggers four books worth of plot is that her blood for some unknown reason is particularly delicious smelling to edward to the point it's like his personal heroine it's such a problem he can resist everyone else's human blood smell but not bella something about her blood is particularly irresistible to edward specifically and not necessarily everybody even though alice confirms that her blood does smell pretty [ __ ] good but that's one thing and then the second thing it's a simultaneous phenomena where edward can read everyone's mind as his vampire talent but he can't read bella so okay okay i can surmise that these two phenomena are actually emerging phenomena stemming from one actual underlying cause which i presume to be the biological makeup of bella and how that interacts with edward and how his powers work okay so it's just a massive coincidence these two people met each other and it's resulting in this interaction i can understand that and it makes sense and doesn't require investigation or explanation until until they bring bella before the voltori in new moon and then suddenly james powers will work against bella [ __ ] arrows powers don't work against bella no one's vampire powers work against bella she just can resist them all which doesn't make any [ __ ] sense why does she have superpowers why does it work like this i can understand it being an interaction between two agents but i can't understand like bella as a human just like having this superpower she can just resist the magic of other worldly beings that are of a higher existence than her and i know what you're thinking i know what you're thinking because you're thinking about the fact that when a human turns to a vampire their natural kind of human abilities get transformed into supernatural abilities they get exaggerated which is why bella's resistance to edward's mind reading develops into a shield against uh all vampire powers that she can extend even to other people once you turn into a vampire but you're thinking of a [ __ ] siobhan you're thinking about [ __ ] jasper like these people had like these natural innate human abilities that you could understand in the human context like like jasper could like sense people's feelings generally you know he who's an empath or like siobhan she could like plan really well and then when you become a vampire this turns into you can actually literally sense or influence people's emotions or you can actually visualize and manifest future realities so okay you understand the difference there where you have a human ability that is understandable in a human context turned it into a supernatural ability as opposed to bella who just has a supernatural ability why does one person in this universe actually have a supernatural ability makes no [ __ ] sense and also it's not even [ __ ] true because jasper can influence bella's emotions and alice can see bella's future so she's not even immune to vampire powers no i didn't know it's your birthday mom are you even [ __ ] listening to me

Channel: CJ The X

Views: 434,875

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Id: ceP62v1sACI

Length: 37min 37sec (2257 seconds)

Published: Fri Mar 25 2022