If You Are Dating, You Must Hear This! (Poor Audio, But well Worth It)

there are so many personal benefits or needs that marriage addresses like I was just reading longevity women live longer they're married particularly after bypass surgery and they say that one of the reasons might be because if you have a good relationship your husband make sure that you don't go back to smoking and you don't go off your diet and that's why you'll live longer very practical but certainly marriage is bigger than that can't be that that's the purpose and that's the motivation so we've spoken about this many times that when God creates the world so that instead of being the only thing existing he becomes everything in existence instead of being exclusive it becomes inclusive so before he was one without you now after he creates you he is one with you whatever that does for him it does for us and certainly for him it is not practical or prolongs his life and keeps him on a diet none of those things so the truth is of course that marriage is a completely Devine concept and that we have the need to get married only because we're created in His image but because the neshamah is a chemical academy mouth so it has the same instinct so so what is that instinct the instinct is no matter how great I am it's just me and for some unknown inexplicable reason that's not good enough and even when you get married even for the two of you just us not good enough gotta have a baby so it just keeps going if that was a little more emphasized in our Inari Shiva youth life I think it would help a lot it would help us want to get married it would help us stay strong until we're married do it would it would make a huge difference when you focus on your own need then if you do get married it's a little selfish if you're not married you start to freak no it's not there's no there's no backbone behind the whole marriage thing if it's just me my need my loneliness or whatever more than you because it's nuts you're not needy you're you're idealistic like how long did God wait before he created the world in eternity so let's talk a little bit about dating and here also if we could really be convinced that dating is a totally unnecessary activity you're married because you're supposed to be married you marry the person that God chooses for you what's with this baby who needs it so the Gemara says that you have to see each other before you get married why because if you don't and you get married and then you don't like each other then you will fail to fulfill the Mitzvah of a versus wrong you see how Taylor is trying to keep it in personal what would be wrong if you marry someone without seeing him and then you see him and you really don't like what you see if you ask any normal human being what's the problem with that what do you mean I'm turned off I don't like him I don't want him around I can't look at him I can't stand them but that's not bad enough no that's the real problem is what happened to our sister oh is it it's so idealistic it's so not personal when I worried about your bad moods and your tastes and your feelings in your so on the one hand you could say that's so unrealistic that's so out of touch with reality that's what you're worried about that you're not gonna have Ava's as well for this one guy that you hate that's the problem you'll love everybody else's how did you have to love him we can all say what what what if you look at them and you do like what you see and then you marry him and then you find out that you don't like him well where's your other sister oh so better just don't marry anybody because you might not like him and you won't have obviously so yeah a little a little ridiculous but then of course there's the obvious question of what's the difference whether you marry him or not if you don't like him you don't like it and you're not I mean not like him no no getting married is not about a versus slow going out just to make sure that you don't fail in your office's oh but you meet somebody and you don't like him whether you married them or not there's you're a versus know so what's marriage got to do it if you marry him you don't have our verses though and if you just meet him in the street the answer is if you're not married to him it doesn't bother you yeah well funny looking guy yeah we can I married them so what's the problem but if you're stuck with him very hard on the other hand if you're married to him the avarice is always easier okay she's a little weird please my husband so you overlook a lot of stuff cuz so if we would be trained properly marriage as personal as intimate as it is is really not about you just like everything else in in God's world it's not so much about you you like you like a little bit a little live that a little vanilla a little chocolate a little a little bit it's - it's like one of the things we talk about in in Himmel and raising children one of the first steps in training a child is that it shouldn't be too picky with food if it's edible eat it don't wanna eat it don't eat it but but the pickiness my food has to be exactly like this and it has to look exactly like that and has to be rejected Mason says and a little is not too much not too little and not on the same plate they need a separate plate they need a separate forking is over and that then reflects on the way you treat people and the way you look at people and on like this I don't like this type I don't like his dis I don't like it is just petty and an an unnecessary to indulgent so how do we balance this the reason for meeting the person before you go out is to make sure you don't hate his looks because then you won't have a versus well so what is the concern very noble so it's a godly concern what's gonna be where a verse is wrong now if that sounds a little like living in denial I mean come on people have feelings people have tastes people have opinions people have needs it's all true but who says that you have to be so victimized by those needs and by those tastes and by those opinions it's not a mitzvah to be victimized to be restricted limited crippled paralyzed I can't this is that Witwer truth we've made ourselves too petty it's not good for marriage it's not good for a person it's not good for anything so tell you they're always and every sin every instruction every Mitzvah is trying to get us away from our own pettiness to make us bigger people so or you're just trying to see what your natural you know over testers and being married to someone is a real stress because if the fault is there and you're married to the fault permanently that's a lot of stress and and you know you don't have to go against the tide against the grain all the time it's hard so better make sure that it's pleasant and appealing them but if if you get the impression that that kind of thinking is is a dissolute you at a disadvantage because you're not you're your needs are not being recognized your your feelings are not being respected it's not it's not that's not the intention and that's not the effect the effect is you're a bigger person so it's not that you're denying your tastes or your needs or your it's that you're you're not you're a step above all of that and it really doesn't bother you because cuz you're a bigger person and every Mitzvah is that has that same effect it takes you out of your limits takes you out of your mix Ryan and you become a bigger person so it's actually liberating and we need that maybe more today than ever in the olden days when life was really difficult life itself push you beyond pettiness you couldn't afford to be petty because if you were picky with food you'll starve because this is all there is so if you can't eat a hard half baked potato you've been then you eat nothing right in those days so life didn't let you be petty today our lifestyle encourages pettiness and you have to make a choice between two foods or three foods that are practically the same thing so how do you make the choice this is a little more salty this is a little more crunchy this little and that's it and your life becomes salty crunchy sweet sour it's so petty you know the potato chip companies actually have a machine that costs hundreds thousands of dollars that adjusts the crunch in the food doesn't take doesn't change the taste at all you just make sure that it crunches at the right because sometimes a little too crunchy so Vanek crunchy enough this machine is like so I can in your grandmother his grandfather 8 from grandmother's day and time if you had two bags of potato chips that was not crunchy they know what you're talking about this one has regular soldiers and has sea salt so I remember when a member fit the first came to America for there was a for bring in a 770 and a lot of people came to for bring with him and went all night and everybody on the east and west side of of Eastern Parkway emptied their refrigerators their cupboards that they kept bringing food for people to filleting to say well I am where that much liquor came from a movie tonight I don't know but it was and then towards the end of the night everybody was depleted and the only thing left to eat after a drink was some fruits and the apples were gone so there was an orange a couple of grapefruits as well it was so somebody was peeling the grapefruit at this point that member was like I can't believe these Americans like what is wrong with you so he takes the grapefruit and he says what are you playing with it for you want to eat it eat it and he fit into the and to the peel when I eat eat so petty so today more than ever we need somehow to get beyond the natural pettiness that life encourages so you can do it by refusing to be petty by refusing to make scoff you eat the non crunchy potato chip just in spite because you don't want to be Petty in the better way is do what you do for a higher purpose and that prevents you from getting caught up in the pettiness so what is marriage you find the right person then you get married and then you communicate and then you share and then you yeah fine eat potato chips with a crunch if you want to but don't dump Donna don't get hung up on that you're getting married you're not indulging yourself you're doing something much bigger than yourself what happened to that part of marriage so when you're dating you could become very very short-sighted and very petty which is fine for for the moment that's why you're going out to make sure that your pettiness won't make it hard for you to like the person you're married to so you can have others is wrong but we're making it way too serious so Terry was talking to a guy and he says that he's going out with a very nice girl and it's you know this is like the 20th girl he's gone out with that's funny so and he's telling me how great great great I said oh so is it too soon to say miles though this is not a marrying her I said why not he said I'm not ready to settle and so but you just told me she's wonderful why are you calling it settle he says yeah she's wonderful but you know the next one I go out with could be better so I understand hey you went out with her to see if you could marry her and you can marry her so why aren't you marrying her and he said just to get married just to be married what does that mean where does that say you get married just to be married no of course not where he could married I didn't really want to know what he thought you get married to be married and if that's not good enough then don't bother you're getting married so that you can take advantage of the other person and squeeze every benefit out of it so that you can be loading yourself and make yourself happy the question is yeah obviously that's a problem why how would that happen the next one could be better so yeah if she's fantastic next one could be fantastic so we're just gonna keep going until he gets tired you're gonna wear himself out fine all right I'll marry you I'm tired doesn't happen so this is called an intelligent choice right very possible but they're never content even when they're married because I could have gone out some more so yes it's a self-defeating but but just that attitude Who am I getting married just to be married absolutely if marriage isn't good enough to get married so that you're married then why even bother so although when you're going out a purpose is selfish even according to the Gemara the purpose is selfish the motivation is is no one make sure that your selfish tastes are okay with this person because if they're not you're gonna have a hard time with others as well and so although for the moment you do have to be selfish if you don't have to become a victim of it you got it you got to keep the goal in mind don't lose sight of your goal the sight of the goal is to be married to have a family to be bigger than yourself everything be selfish in that sense well what would bring it from South where's the penny selfish is petty you can say this is more petty less petty but the point is you're going there to check out your own little stick now for some people freckle is their stick they don't want freckles they don't want a certain color of hair really petty what everyone would agree is petty but I don't like his sense of humor it's not petty you can't like somebody unless they have a certain sense of you or a guy who says she never gets my jokes she doesn't appreciate my humor of course yeah so is the point to know we're working or the point to get because one is like this don't make that the most important part of the whole project I'm not getting married unless I find this sense of humor the sense of humor has become more important than being married and then you don't know why I'm getting married anymore and then the whole thing just becomes so a guy says she's a really nice girl but she's taller than that's not petty it's a very common pettiness but of course is paid how many married couples are perfectly happy and he's shorter can't it can't be that that makes or breaks our marriage so going out is a selfish activity but if you if you have your goal in mind if you have your goal in sight it doesn't it's not so crippling it's not so and it certainly should not become a phenomenon in its own there's a going-out thing there's a dating thing you dipped there's no such thing there is no such thing you meant the Gemara says you have to see each other before you get married how many times do you have to see each other you don't see an entire face in one shot you got to do it in the stages work your way of course checking that from one ear to the other it takes like four dates and huh get a video it's cheaper you have to rent the car yes so you just meet you don't you don't date yep no it's not but ideally according to the plan you know that before you meet him because to find out whether he's a mensch by asking him or by looking at him was not it's not so good it's not so to know whether he's a man she got to know his whole history his background and says this is your Shiva experience is my spear but by sitting with him in a restaurant you're gonna find out if he's avenged not even ten times so you know that he's basically a mensch you want to know the style of men but if you have to find out whether whether he has a cruel streak or not you're not in the discoveries by dating does she got to know before you meet him if he has a violent streak but you have to kick him under the tables if he gets violent so I have to keep things in perspective dating is simply a little bit of a little bit of a clearing the way to the marriage though and you meet and you look and you're here and and if it's cool then you go and you get married which is your goal your purpose your objectives and so on and so somebody once said was talking about years ago I said something about marriage is holy and it's noble in it and this one one guy said you know the way you describe marriage it's very idealistic right did you just come up realize that now is that new is marriage idealistic it's the most idealistic thing we do in life so if it feels like now I'm not that idealistic then don't even bother going out right how idealistic is that but then me or like this guy we need I think maybe he's looking for our statement I'm thinking for myself I really have yes a meeting I kind of need with maybe 20 I said okay you know who I feel already been me twice I have to kind of fall in love with it in order to keep going and then whatever he had I don't care I'll just accept it but so this is that feeling that there might be potential Hey let's let's go back to that in a second but people say the way the way you get married is so irrational go out a few times and that's it you get married it's so irrational where is the secular way of doing it very rational you meet somebody you fall in love so you Miriam that's rational fall in love that's rational the exact opposite is true the way we do it is way too rational you go out a few times you check it out you're rationally you decide yes fine will too rational where is that that that hit that mysterious inexplicable love force that that that's rational what let's understand something here you want to become one with another person why is that so no why is that so noble we bring it out like a true party No look there are many things we want some things are more important than others one of the things we want is to become one with another person what why is that of a different of a different category it's one of the things you want you want a nice house you want to become one with a guy what why is that so noble it's your want what puts that in a different category than everything else you want you want to have children where's that mobile the higher you you could say at least it involves another person you have totally narcissistic but it's what you want why is that so special so you have to understand this both from God's view about his having someone else and and for ourselves what does it mean I want to become one with you I want to have you where does it mean have another person a slave ownership what does it mean you have another person you want another person in your life you want another person is your property your desire your need your yours what does that mean how is that how is that mutts they hope them at selfishness I don't just want your car I don't just want your your I want all of you that's that's ugly very greedy I gave you an hour no you want everything so stop and think I want you I want you means I want something outside myself so that it isn't about me at all it's about you so I want you means I want you to exist not just me get is clear in your mind I want you to be you in addition to me so where do I get from this nothing on the contrary until you came along it was just me now not me you a person dies so that somebody else can live what does that mean you love that person so much that you're gonna die so that that person can live and what are you gonna get from this then you're not gonna have the person you love because you're not gonna be here so what sense does it make to die for someone I want you means your existence is more important than mine because mine I already have not happy with that not content with that I need you to exist not in me I need you to exist as you not as me not to add to me enough of me now you so it's not possessive it's not greedy it's not selfish on the contrary it's a complete and total denial of self I know what I am enough already now let's have somebody else somebody who is definitely not me God goes to such an extreme to make sure that we are not him finite human being limited potential Yates a horror weaknesses just be you don't be me because I have you be me I don't need you huh he wants us to be his meaning you as a separate independent being choose me the way I choose you and for that to happen you have to have total free choice you have to have options other things have to be more appealing so that there's at least some kind of a contest this isn't awesome so getting off the subject of dating from it seems if you take a look at the history of Habad there are three as far as I can tell three major principles the outer devil who started her bath what did he introduce what was his teaching what was his message what was his theme and what kind of Siddim that he produced it's pretty clear the theme was that this the difference between massive enemy external and internal and that the internal was much more important than the external and that's why he disagreed with the other students of the Magadh because they felt that Sydenham should be inspired by an external influence coming from the Leblon that every rebel should have a a charismatic effect on his followers and they should all be infected with his Emunah with his Arva with his inspiration with his excitement with his simcha the Alta Deborah came along and said that's that's external that's foreign evade us Hashem has to be yours got to come from within you from a conviction from a refinement from from your own self-generated I get excited because somebody else is excited so you come into shul on some cross Torah and everybody's dancing in there and you get caught up in the mood and that's not you if you were alone on an island how would you dance on some coast are you wouldn't you'd be severely depressed so that's what some kosterow means to you where is your simcha with the toilet and that's why very often about hasidim when they're dancing on simcha store are crying because they realize how they have no personal supposed to be happy with the Torah I'm not so you can don't worry about it just dance no it's got to be true internal it's got to be organic not imported from somebody else and that's the difference between angels and humans an angel is much holier than a human being but it's not personal he sits there next to next to the throne and and he's overwhelmed where as a Jew if he gets excited it's an internal self-generated and that's much more real much more so an angel is higher a human being is deeper so the alte that but basically said our relationship with God has to be much more personal can't just borrow excitement from somebody else or from the crowd and that's when people started to davon for many hours and work hard at understanding of my mind even if it took years so they tell about the hostage who went to the dead before you hit this and didn't come back for three years because he wanted to make sure that when he heard the first time has already absorbed into his system and he's really got it and until then he's not gonna go for another you've hit this because he's not finishing that's called news so for the outer Devlin the the the message of the theme was there is enemy and there's Mac if Mac if is very powerful like a Munna is a Mac if a person can really believe that God runs the world and yet go rob a house hoping that God will give him success zero wait a minute if you really know that God controls the world and without him you won't have success then why are you violating his commandment but that's the nature of a Macheath it's not really me so I kind of tap in whatever whatever feels right at the moment and otherwise I'm not really any holier than I was before so that was about three generations of that message what was the result the result was that Hassidim became very wise in their leadership it was an internalized settled godliness the next era the message in hasidism in my mother in men and the understanding shifted to another theme here the theme was revealed versus essential functional versus is central most of creation most of godliness in the world is a functional to what degree is God revealed to what degree is he concealed to what degree is he knowable to at the grazy not knowable and then and this is like a sliding scale some people know more some people know less and then there's a difference between the thumb with holcomb and the non-pom macaca you're on a higher level or lower level and so on certain mitzvahs are more impressive some mitzvahs are not so so all of this is called the revealed world the functional world Gillian it's all finite and in the finite they are the bigger numbers little numbers or so on but then there is also the essence the core the core is not negotiable the core is equal for everybody because if it is it is and if it's not it's not for example when it comes to mitzvahs there are big mitzvahs and little mitzvahs there are huge sins and there are little sentence that's if you're functioning in the world of revealed godliness and the revelation is greater here lesser there and it's Oslo is holier than every other land because there God is a little more revealed less revealed but then there is the core the essence God is God a mitzvah is a mitzvah so how can you say big myths or little mitzvot if either a mitzvah it's not a Jew is a Jew what do you mean a better jeweler smaller what is that did you as a Jew so some things are not negotiable and the non-negotiable is how is more important than than the negotiable part so the fact that we can't understand God is more important than the little bit that we do understand what kind of Siddim did that produce it produced hassidim who were totally inflexible when it came to mitzvahs and to godliness there was no give there was no wiggle room serious nefesh a sin absolutely not and there's nothing to talk about there's no negotiating there's no if and when and maybe and how about out of the question and if it's a mitzvah there's no limit Turner because the essence the core is indivisible you can't have a part it's unchangeable you can say yesterday is important today it's not so important and it's not reviewable you can't judge it you can't measure its it's hidden from you now say the same words Lance Michelle the three subway men will never understand the essence and therefore it is rarities and that's where it is and nothing will ever change that and you had a whole generation of Siddim who didn't know what compromise man there is no room for compromise we could say but that was from the rebel ashab deliver my gosh they been sharpened defeat Academy like three generations have focused on the core and that everything else will revealed parties is not so aggressive it produced Hasidim who didn't know how to compromise and that's why there was more powerful than communism when the seventh-generation came along we never changed everything the other introduced an idea an attorney external fine very important sunlight infinite negotiable non-negotiable very important a part of the bow hunters teaching and the Jews a Jew has no but all of that describes a human being [Music] where is God in this picture obviously the outer liberal is saying you have to internalize God not treat him like some kind of a distant relative or subject gotta be personal and the second power said you have to recognize the queer and godliness so of course it is about godliness but it was from our perspective how do I treat godliness how do I handle godliness how much do I have - can I handle the other came along and said they're not you're not the a subject you're not the topic it's not about you God created the world he wants something this what is he getting when you do that when you focus on God Himself is God internal or external is God finite infinite all of those terms can describe Croatian they can't describe him so is God high very high no high the Milky Way is high his god bigger as he got his god small you're not you're not making any sense big and small is a way to describe a creation not to create it so they'll ever basically introduce the idea it's important to be a hustle by internalizing and by going to the core but many did we have time for this when when God wants something and God is waiting you're gonna get busy figuring out whether its internal or external whether you're getting the whole thing half of it haven't you met please God as far as God is concerned many of those things make any difference because to him every everything everything is meaningful when you're talking about God himself how can you say this is important this is not important this is bigger this is smaller so you stop somebody and ask them to put on suing the direction of a lesson you don't care after you put on feeling somebody you don't watch another lesson so that's we're thinking it's really too much okay we've got a problem here stolen shouldn't go in a place of tumor so you really should watch snuggle a so first up maybe even go to the mixer if what I'm saying they got another one to the mixer it's it's an unholy mix of of godliness and them that's if you're thinking that way but if you're thinking does they burst a 100 put on small yes or no the a booster warns him to put on four so take everything out of the way and put on the trillion because God can go everywhere including into into too much where do you see this entire meydani ready some load on you before you left me the rest because murder on you can't be touched by the unholiness so the rebel ways is a generation of sidon with this notion that it's not about how much godliness you can take it's about it's about God himself what is the result the result is that Sydenham today are a little mushy of it what's the connection when Messiah comes everyone is going to become about you know when Messiah comes everybody in the commets out when Maria comes God will be so obvious and so real and so named field that even though Russia even the lowest of the low will do the mitzvot because we go to the Mitzvah has he become refined no as he as a human being become any better no so the difference in goal is you have to become about junior you have to refine yourself you have to make yourself ready you have to elevate yourself and so on once Messiah comes you don't have to do anything because God has no limits not like the queer of godliness has limits it's the queer it's the essence it's not negotiable not debatable not they're not divisible you can't say about God that he's not visibly she wants to divide we'll divide I can't make me is about God so once you're talking about him there are no limits and that's why the lowest of the low will wake up and say if God says what am i and it hasn't become any better as a person like Gorbachev dismantling communism it's equal in the event that the Rebbe said that's that's machine okay none of my father that why why should Camila's down the hill and it's a gray not that I'm going to forget she could forget because but then that steak so what would happen if God became we've ruled familiar the people rush to refine themselves to become religious all right in the time they're based on me and the times of the base I'm weak - the restrictions were very strong there were ten levels of holiness and you there but it wasn't and while encompassing godliness there was a very restrictive job but Israel is the Holy Land when the Shia comes within Israel wherever there Sarah his name there's no limit a God is everywhere so if you're talking about godliness godliness has conditions it's inappropriate to introduce godliness in an unholy place so even the way we think how how is how is there gonna be peace how is it gonna be peace so there are two opinions one is you gotta you gotta convince the bad guys but they should they should be true get them to want peace the other thing in is they lmps kill them kill out the bad guys will have these mushiya's means once we know the truth it doesn't matter doesn't matter how bad you are and it doesn't matter how you living in human peace there's going to be peace because god wants so when we're so fused by this highway then then everything becomes irrelevant so it doesn't matter are you are you doing the mitzvot Lucia I'm doing it for that I don't know is this internal or external I don't know God is standing right here you got to do the mitzvot so once God is in the picture it's not godliness godliness is restricted by the very fact that it's holy God is not restricted by home that's mushiya so what can imagine a godly one world according to God without people becoming better but when the truth becomes obvious you don't have to become smaller to recognize the truth how many swear now you're gonna have to learn how many men know you can have to learn before we recognize our God is standing there waiting for you to do a mitzvah you don't have to know anything so when you stop a guy and put it and put on film with him that's what you're saying to him I didn't ask you if you ask mother also I then asked if he even believed in God but right now he would like you to put on - let's do it that's much she auntie to explain something really awesome in the in the mix rap my mother the lab of course talks about how special the seventh is seventh generation the seventh generation brings the shimla down to earth today we call it making a deal of the doctor now shrila down to earth is like a contradiction if it's a string it doesn't belong on earth and if it's earth it can't handle this finger so how do you bring the spinner doctor did a bit of training data means his place how can i his place being the tactic if it's a low condition then it's not him and if it's a him what's he doing in our place so it really should be you want to make a dealer in a place that was previously low but you've gotta elevate it so that he can be there no no he doesn't want to be in an elevated place he wants to be in a low place that's where his disease so that especially about the seventh the seventh like Miss Alabama will push him down to eighth and the seventh river brings him into the lay place dua for him in the top so that everyone said that the seventh is as different from the first as shabbos is from Sunday how special was the seventh compared to the first six like Shabbos compared to weekday people were like stunned when they heard this we were sitting at 770 after that for Binion and hosted came in even for the week and he had been fed ranging somewhere and he was a little drunk and he came into 770 and he was carrying on he said like shabbos compared to like this understand was going on in fact this was on that Wednesday they did that set it on Shabbos you're still in shock really how can you say that the seventh level is like Shabbos compared to the out of them but I think now it makes a little sense the altogether was talking about the Union being and how the human being needs to internalize the other abating they're talking about how you gotta realize that the core of a we don't see it is much more important than that legacy never comes along and says okay now let's talk about the abhrush how different is the a burster from the human being so the question how could mushiya come to our generation when he didn't come to much better higher and they refined generations she asked that question he has never given me she is nothing mushy His Holiness mushiya's means God Himself who has no restrictions whatsoever is going to become known and revealed what to you your solo alone is not relevant when you're talking about him it's a non-issue okay how can he come into a label he created this ugliness and he can't handle it question is is our loneliness I will lack of holiness and is that actually helpful in bringing worship is that a plus so of course for him there's no plus there's no - there's no plus there's no better there's no worse but for us I will a little more ready from Asia because we don't have any holiness so what did the other create he created a generation of Siddim who know no bounds sniffing growling Lucas Macias never yeah yeah fine just his electron is the key finger an external thing or if it's external they're not gonna last and they're not going to influence others so it better be internal okay fine it's internal the amazing thing is don't think you can go change a city nothing you can go change the world yeah that never happened before yeah you're gonna change me I didn't even end this interview the building the building and then been doing the you will not that smart I'm quite lazy younger bub how much is a building in across the estimate is about six million but it might add more like seven million and you okay with that yeah this is my we don't know how to do math no can't balance a checkbook Oh 700 it's a plus all these people who are heads of of countries chanita they barely speak the language of the country but they're best friends with the Prime Minister with the president leader the king there's no limits sometimes it seems reckless scary this Schmendrick is representing us to the king ask his wife how talented he is okay for the years he's not but with us they don't up there it's it's without women there are no condition that's what the weather was trying to convince us all these years don't worry yes I can do it going try we'll see you'll see you know work everything to be and I matter what it is yeah their talk today to the president dr. their talk to the world moon speak to the world but I'm not a speaker it doesn't matter though so it doesn't matter that you yourself are not as fluent as you want your students to be so why don't you work on yourself first before you tell others it doesn't matter have to have that attitude in our marriages as well because I think deep down inside as much as we worry about the guy you're gonna marry you're much more worried about yourself Thanks so you gonna be a good husband is he gonna be right for me is he gonna what about you you can be a good wife yeah got to be kidding you're gonna make him happy yeah we're gonna thinking you're easy to get along with we're available to others and you will be glad to have him in your life are you kidding so though maybe you shouldn't get married it doesn't matter marriage is big enough in case you don't that look around look was married look who's happily married people who have no talents and their personality have no wisdom it doesn't matter unless you're so hung up on what does matter that you don't let it happen but if you have a said what's the difference I'll try he'll try will it'll be good it'll be a marriage it will be a marriage if you think that you're gonna make it a marriage that's the oil time accident oil time sedan would Russell would not be a teacher or a mafia unless he himself was refined to the utmost perfect as our there are no teachers so the best people would manage because they weren't done refining themselves what's a good first time for this I asked abuelo what's the explanation for this whatever he says I I don't I don't remember seeing it anywhere I don't care just tell me what you think what do you think you need more explanation he was lost the middle of explaining something and he suddenly said you know what let's drop this because I don't remember the exact wording of the my life that I'm trying to tell you so nah it's ok I trust you you would which is beautiful but less time for this but not this generation you have kept telling people publish publish live at once what they're writing is not correct don't be so picky publish give out books are sugars and I never started on it sirs but it's not gonna be perfect of course not but God will come through ever tells this guy to remind his friends to put on film okay so I don't forgot to him it's not their fault that there is such a departure I only need to tell someone to put on through when hand yourself dumped it on to the others I feel is is the guys supposed to potential so take yourself out of the way and stop talking about yourself and not putting up and tell him that he needs to hear he needs to know that if they put on true the world doesn't make me a hypocrite yes but we're not talking about you and your problems right now we're talking about what God wants from this guy so put on Phil wooden and I'll go on and cry that you're a hypocrite so it certainly is making us bigger than ourselves why is marriage any different one is marriage becomes such a petty activity Mary I can put on sailing with anybody I can get anybody to like Java standards I can tell anybody about km and about the shaking the wheel when Eric comes to marriage where are you oh whoa whoa it's gonna be my way it's gotta be perfect for me it's got to be like this gotta be like that huh and I'll have to be I I have to be ready I have to be no you don't how you turn the Mitzvah of marriage which is bigger than all of them into the most petty of them all so really marriages today because of what's going on between us and God and how God is now himself present so that there's many restrictions and no conditions and no prerequisites like holiness low yes them hey look what my book it's a free for all I read you so today marriages should be more successful under whatever that means it should be easier it should be it should be more natural to come or there should be less resistance and unless condition ISM we're going through some kind of an adjustment but it's going to roast a tremendous it marriage would become the easiest and the most natural Mitzvah of all but better than before so people say you know the way we're describing it anybody cannot linger buddy why not why not two people both want to be married so what about my sense of murmured the younger you put on a Jackie Mason tape after Mary Jackie Mason in fact he's not variable but he's got the sense of humor so basically what it means is if foreign people just wanted to do the right thing yes you could not reach everybody don't people to run a bigger right thing there's no restrictions to that mr. rooster yeah there was a time when you did have to refine yourself and live up to the expectation the garden leanness of the treasure of them now it's him know godliness that's true but that's that's God's business as far as we're concerned I met somebody who wants to get married as much as you do you're married what is your concern what what what the - did you have of course it's a little more involved than shaking the real Vanessa with a guy and then walking away and that's why you do have to meet even according to thrower because this is long term but essentially it's um it's without time people need to do that's God's business right well God wants this one to be married to this one what does he care is that mr. people it now he tried obviously he cares but for his reasons not not because you're more compatible you're not so as far as your concern now should be able to marry any guy who wants to be married like new right he's not gonna marry you anyway right is what he doesn't know so just don't waste time with right you both meant to want to get married so I'm not saying obviously benobram everybody ought to come a point in their twenties that there has to be an overall understanding the bathwater of being on the same page mother one person wants to get married but the person she's dating just wants to know more about her he's not thinking marriage well of course that's not gonna work so before you decide how you feel about each other you first have to be clear about what you feel about marriage the marriage is not you're going don't stop don't stop don't you me let me have business whether I'm this way or that way it says into helium we were early Russia on earth the head wish that says to the Russia malifios at the hookah what business you have learning my children which sounds very non facility on the contrary who needs to learn taiga Northern Aggression and God says no you have no business the meaning of it is a person says I want to find out more about this Judaism thing why I want to see if it's from me No Deal if you come here say you know I'm a Jew but I know nothing okay in other words if you want a marriage you'll be married to God check him out take a look and tailor what he says what he bears what he wants what he does he does he payroll does he reward you handsomely for images check it out ask any question you want but you're not interested in marrying me how dare you ask me questions I'm just trying to see what kind of person you are so sometimes you go out with a guy and I starts asking questions and you get the feeling like should I even tell you why should I even answer your question it's so edible it's like sitting down on a bus next to a guy he starts asking your personal questions and you say excuse me but they're strangers he says not if you answer my questions I'll ask your personal questions you answer them the world is going to you anymore no no you got no business learning my laws are asking you questions so don't you dare judge me and then unless you we're into this marriage [Music] no not anymore but you got to make it very clear that you're getting married and if he wants to come along for the ride fine if not you're going without him so stop okay little girl you'll see they'll check each other out and they're fit there but no no no I don't know about you but I'm getting back June the marriage has to be as real as the guy you're talking to not a dream that might or might not happen and might or might not happen but marriage is going to happen and if he doesn't give up that same vibe in the secular world it's the opposite and we were infected with that I don't know if I want to get married if you're special and you really inspire me and yep I'll marry the opposite marriage is incredible I'm not sure about you I don't care yeah I don't get you're comfortable with him you gotta come to the to the meeting already very comfortable with being married by June yes and he'll get it who hear it in every word you say and the food if you pay attention new here in every word he said I'm because if we're going to say if we're going in in our head you know marriage is happening exceptional I would think that there'd be less stressed because it's not so much about him there would be fewer distractions there would be a sense of purposefulness what's that waste time oh my god again will be again with it again no no this is not unusual reactivity there's an urgency not a desperation hello new agency - then you get some we're talking here is very nice but no thankfully so like that guy and he goes yes she's fine she's well he likes other buried backpack that is not acceptable so the attitude is almost like hey I'm getting married unless something stops me which is very different from if something pushes me maybe I'll get married okay and get him to snap everybody if he's not snap don't waste your time and I think if women started behaving that way they would snap they they live up to whatever expectation you have of them I mean each individual just like everyone has to be trying to get mad because there's this attitude ler you can't you can't rush them but ya never give them time give them anything he's 25 he needs time what did that indulgence I assure you want to take take your time all the time you want no marriage is not an option it's kind of happen well for him done for you so why do men have this attitude yeah you can bait women and you know they're their own pressure you they you know they they know they know that we're not sure we want to get married come on tolerate that I was talking to a guy who's having a hard time deciding about this one already I said imagine something imagine you never get married and you come to heaven and God says why didn't you marry what's-her-name what are you gonna say no joke about the guy in the in the flood with the boat on the triangle so you come to her you say how come you didn't set up anybody for me to marry and God says excuse me Ryan are you watching me you don't seem to be a real commitment to getting married that's not good even if you did it married it's not a good way to get married without that commitment to marriage well I found the perfect girl well good for you is it going to be a marriage so then we have to introduce a little more urgency or purposeful yeah I'm not I'm not sitting here to talk to you you're not my date just came to see if you have a pimple on your nose the same place go out through the same area whatever the marriage almost seems like the less you know back no now there's nothing wrong with knowing who you're marrying to whatever degree ever known when it can't replace the marriage and does not replace marriage you think the Kohen Gadol could not perform on them Kippur if he wasn't married so much so that before Yom Kippur and chose another women and says if my wife dies we are now married how romantic is that so this guy says I should marry her just to be married oh it's a clever vote is it intense my dad dies so we'd be married okay I mean just that would just to be married yes I can say you know what I'm saying is if the person can't replace marriage and the perfect picture of that is the crane brother has to be married to somebody [Music] of course he what did you get a pic I think somebody likes right but but that's not the point the point is you got to be back whether that conviction disappear if there were only two people in the world a man and a woman would they get married Adam and Eve would they get married they like each other uh-uh they better like each other cuz they're getting married cuz she kind of be married if you were the last man in the world I would fire you yes you would so I'm not saying become completely reckless and just marry the next guy um you bumped into but marriage has to be the objective

Channel: Chassidus with Rabbi Manis Friedman

Views: 5,691

Rating: 4.8888888 out of 5

Keywords: Rabbi Manis Friedman, Manis Friedman, 11213.org, 11213org, Chabad Chassidus, Chabad, Chassidus, Tanya, Kabbalah, Torah, Daily Study, Judaism, Jewish Thought, Jewish

Id: of04Ck4jAes

Length: 104min 12sec (6252 seconds)

Published: Wed May 16 2018