If the Emperor had a Podcast - Episode 1: The Last Church

warning this video contains spoilers for the last Church by gray McNeil it is recommended you read or listen to it before going on if not you might miss out an important information like the color ova urias pants or whatever thank you Tennyson's of the Imperial Palace and beyond this vox cuss public a is designated alpha priorities continue your operations but listen well to this very important announcement thought for the day use your to Emperor given ears to listen to listen using any other organ is Hennessy Overlord that works is you can play throughout in good condition citizens welcome to this box cast public a broadcast through box link for the over 10 billion indentured servants in and around the phallic majesty of the Imperial Palace this Vox cast is brought to you by the cult mechanicus of Mars the administrator the adapters Astra telepathic ax as well as the Emperor's 10,000 the adaptive custodies one of whom is AI as well as AI salutations to you loyal Emperor lovers across the entire Imperium it is an honor to be here speaking directly to you in the name of our glorious overlord greetings I too am among the rank and file of their first personal guard a pleasure is always dear lessness I am NOT I am an Imperial fist my wall name is adorable and you shall refer to me as such still don't entirely get why but as you wish more adorable amongst this is also a Vox hello Cerf whom we have named boy say hello boy hi unlock sailor sir I hold the box sailor is my purpose did you really have to introduce that thing it's just here to hold the vox sailor anyone ever notice how pale the boyars yes if we poured oil on him this fluorescent skin would probably make a good knife light we have entered the sanctum imperialists now in which our Father the Emperor of mankind resides upon his throne we shall then speak to him I'm at a very peculiar record that is custodians on earth during an operation into a so-called clown library do you mean a library that is a clown or a library about cloud Lord adorable please do not press him further oh just like the record called the hunt for bald aureus that we covered in our last box cast the events recorded within the pages of this tome are so specific that is almost as if it was written by some creature omnipotent knowledge the only man I can imagine having written it would be the Emperor himself but if not I can probably speak for all of us when I say that we quite honestly would be terribly confused about its origins I am for whatever reason barely up to speed with these recent events but if we are going to speak to our Emperor I am on it like a space wolf smelling the scent of dust oh yes it is high time we meet our Emperor listeners you can just sit back relax grab a bag of foam and actually never mind go back to working you lacy Knox you shall only listen to this for the purpose of expanding work morale entertaining some context why you still get to lead your sterile and fabulous lives especially after that whole roving some Fiasco vibe stop yelling in our citizenry Tribune they may lead awful lives but the least they deserve is due respect for fulfilling their come boy let us into the sanctum together I leave in you boy could you stop breathing surf your mere presence is drastically decreasing the quality of our Vox cast oh we should look into getting some cybernetic replacements for those lungs of his with probably quite him down astern Lord Emperor man but what oh how are you doing and my glorious overlord a lot worse now that you are here why have you come apart on a harsh is sudden intrusion my master we should have lubricated your person with knowledge of our entrance in beforehand you are the absolute worst why do you make your presence known to me in my time of mending I am currently resting my broken sake but the tranquility required to do so is getting smashed almost half as badly as your hindquarters every blood games practice we feel some information we have discovered it may be relevant to your interests if you give me this information without a singular terrible innuendo I may consider listening to you certainly you see iris rusting fall through the bowels of that clone large binary ten thousand you could possibly be my biggest failure and you are living proof that eugenics does not work I'm starting to see why that tree threw himself into the fire what did you just say that his brother you're speaking to our Emperor excuse me I was getting to that bad King I was reluctantly sliding around the hallways of that library when I came across a section containing loads of unloads of imperial ejaculate you what are you talking about you fifty loyal fan alpha five years when the farm boy had the Vox hammer here we are broadcasting this conversation father we are doing a second Vox course if you wish me to remove him I can break his neck and throw them out the window my emperor no need for more of boys in size covering my cleaning floors but why did you not tell me about the stupid Vox cast earlier my psyche is not prepared for this hard a task we figured that since you are in perpetual pain the harrowing distress of suddenly being forced into an uncomfortable situation with billions of people listening would soon dissipate into the sea of agony you are experiencing every second all right I get it no need to rub it in your mud chops yellowjacket rubbing things in is not my job you have your custodians for that shut up and clarify why you decided this needed to be broadcast as we were saying we found a section of the clown library filled with stories similar to that of the hunt for volt aureus record that we covered last time dozens of written anecdotes containing such insight that it couldn't possibly have been recorded and written by an external figure yet it seems likely they were sometimes these records are told from a first-person perspective sometimes from a second or third but they all detail events of Imperial history to an extremely incisive and honestly uncanny degree how do you know these records were not written by the ones to have experienced these events oh this could perhaps be the case but if so may I ask have you ever written a story called the last church under their lives of could a ham Mac Niall know that Oh most interesting this is surprising if that is the case there is some form of mischief going on this would certainly sound all kinds riveting if it were not for that passive-aggressive reference you made about the priests and fire tell me the context of this before I devised men holes in the throne room floor by smashing we shall we shall my master you see our minds have been swallowed whole by this peculiar record we have been lounging in its balmy insides and probed it of all its little secrets you are the worst get to the point this record is called tales of heresy it claims to feature events recorded by peculiar figures such as Dane Abnett gave Thorp a ham Mehcad Nile and jimes swallow amongst others for no doubt being carried by elder chroniclers these are highly peculiar names well except the last one is it just me or does the cover of that record have Agron on it it would seem so yes well the highest form of irony is that I am fairly certain he never ever cared for the act of reading or how letters function or how to hold things that cannot handle drip pressure of 2,000 kilograms per square centimeter he instead highly enjoyed watching sitcoms now for the less what does this record have to do with the martyred priest I grow tired of you prolonging this fine want you to read this tone from page 275 and onwards throw that me Oh as you wish my Emperor here goes you ready always he's reading it why itself no one cares done that was really fast of course it was I am the mother pooping emperor ultra-rapid read through that he's a funny reference I don't get it thank you Lord adorable I don't get it so you want to have this a very private and personal meeting between me and the last priest made public knowledge the record is a good example of the Imperial truth put into action it also allows us to shed some much-needed light on the age of strength and how you came to be the Emperor of mankind people really should just know this already I cannot express to you lot how frustrating it is that I must waste my time reiterating the events of the past ten millennia boy do you know what the age of strife is allow me to explain sit in my lap there is much room no need for you to stand boy I'd time I like this I don't get it Tribune switch this to a new segment as you wish Lord adorable the last Church setting is the right time very good I shall tell you the tale of the age of strife as told by my father to me and you leases shall to hear the tale it shall provide context for the record we are about to cover for the events of the last church my gray hem at Nile takes place towards the tail end of the age of strength which you might also know as old night it was the worst time to be a human on terror or earth as it was known at the time before the age of strife humanity had reached the pinnacle of its progress in the fields of science and technology during the age of technology as humanity conquered thousands of planets throughout the Milky Way galaxy prospering for millennia this era of expansion suddenly came to an end all too soon a huge influx of more hosts started developing psychic powers becoming what is known as cycles it had to happen sooner or later but this was an absolutely atrocious time for these symptoms to start cropping up with a sudden influx of ciphers a corrosive wave of insanity possession and warp storms came with it making space travel practically impossible every planet functioned essentially as a kind of void net pulling ships out of the warp and straight into hell this isolated the settled planets from one another for millennia to come giving massive leeway for a thousand potty pockets have buyers to form causing an age of segregation amongst mankind the likes of which has never been seen since not only that but during the twenty third millennium the technology that mankind had revered during the age of technology turned as abominable intelligences called the men of iron rebelled against humanity in a cybernetic revolt huge war spawning across all human worlds starting what you might call the mechanical ISM the Wars of the Machine were a massive hassle to deal with especially in combination with the seikar hysteria that started cropping up around millennium 22 the state of conflict went corley for Terra it was completely isolated by a huge in Russia warp storms as usage f warp space to travel faster and light became dangerous and eventually an impossibility and with Terra's over reliance on technology to survive in the first place this anarchy proved too much for its inhabitants as they spiraled into barbarism superstition and wanton slaughter tears feeble governments eventually broke down completely as the planet became orbit a massive battlefield four techno barbarian warlords thank you Father but during this horrible time there was yet hope a great warlord stepped forth and started conquering the lands of terror with extreme efficiency this warlord became simply known as the Emperor it support our emperor together with his army of genetically modified warriors the thunder warriors predecessors of the space marines started the unification wars conquering the lands of terror the emperor fought and won beast wars and with mankind's new master made clear to the people of terror the story in question takes place between the end of the age of strife and the beginning of the age of the Imperium that is a nice scent type packet of information concerning the early history of mankind what did you think of this story boy but we don't deserve our Emperor he's too great for us from worthy peoples that is correct you are a good boy boy brown-noser now perhaps we should make a quick synopsis of the record in and of itself I'd appreciate that I have not even read the book not that I tend to read books that's for serfs and Lex mechanics provide a synopsis for this full-grown millennia old man who cannot read okay I mean I can read do not worry your flowing locks brother mine the reckon exists in audio format to [Music] most smashing the last Church summary the last Church introduces us to Uriah Olive there the priest and guardian of the Church of the lightning stone which is the titular last Church on Terra new reminisces about how popular his church was once upon a time his men knew his midnight service drawing in loads of people due to the frightening Wars of the outside world now it is not as popular as it once was the church is empty and he is alone but not along as the old priest awaits his congregation in his lonesomeness a single man enters his church a stranger calling himself revelation it's a boy again yes that is it for the Osho spoiler-free synopsis so wait is is revelation our glorious overlord I just said that what a moment ago it's a way to go you figured it out took you about five hours less than I thought it would for thank you most graciously my lord shall we go ahead and look you saw thoughts about the story my master xiu'er let us get to the nitty-gritty of what happens between us and the church all right let us go the last Church review so this is a time when I can inform you that this is not an event typical of those recorded in that clown library these records have a tendency to contain at least one often more combat segments presented in incredibly grandiose fashion not a surprise considering the state of a galaxy at largest a fine observation my oppresses record is an exception it is simply a dialogue between two people a religious man of a simple mind led to his belief by personal experience and a staunch unbeliever wielding cold logic as his weapon yet it's also laden with arrogance and prejudice what did you just say me you flaccid [ __ ] oh yes how dare you even think of articulating such non correct thoughts I am sorry my lord honestly he's just stating the truth oh he's totally not so come on let's be established you can't even read the how would you know I can't oh sure you can you are such a nerd stop this humiliation immediately stroll along and lick your wounds while I continue let your face shut up right now and move on the arrogance and prejudice carried by revelation something his followers like my brother over here would have a hard time swallowing was established as harshly as can be only a few words into the dialogue when revelation calls your ayahs kind dower and leaden hearted having assumed him to be at the very same nature and this is only one of the many many up-and-coming arguments revelation slams the poor priests agent Rhea with throughout this recorded event his aged mind required his medicine but he and sensibly refused at upfront even with limited space and unyielding stubbornness and quite frankly a whole lot of crap plugging it up the medicine had to get in somehow who's pulling innuendos at the end oh now you're m2 is near if you do not see superman' yeah just stop being a jerk as I was about to say though revelations predictive attitude especially towards priests and religion in general has made clear very fast and Jiraiya proceeds to defend his belief as best he can as their argument flares up but he is no theologian he is simply a man of faith so his worldview is slowly and painfully deconstructed by the strange man for reasons eventually made clear a no doubt immensely interesting dialog one that sheds light on the Imperials early history and the character of our Emperor they painfully one-sided conversation it has to be said take heed listeners for these are the facts the Imperium of man is founded on the Imperial truth this is the verdict that all faiths and beliefs in the supernatural are to be gotten rid off this was an integral part of the unification Wars as well as the Great Crusade that I later started reconquering the planets of the Milky Way galaxy much like I had conquered the countries of Terra this record probably has one of the demonstrations were how the Imperial troop functions on a theoretical and practical level will write all affair and his craggy old church serving as the perfect representation of all whom rejected the new Imperium it was the Imperial truth that brought to this Imperium to its height without it all that would remain of you would be your ancestors festering corpses so shut up boy you are definitely not wrong this is not a case of arrogance it is a case of me being right versus mankind ripping out its own energies and willful wrongness all right I'm the real talk sir while I adore you like none other while I would give my life to save yours and but an instant well I would serve you for an eternity and more while I am thankful for your graceful mastered among our undeserving species I have to admit that you are kind of an [ __ ] Oh what you dare you truly - I mean alright listen the age of strife was quite awful for everyone alive at the time and the religions of old no doubt penetrated the veil of morality more than enough to warrant not existing anymore there's no denying that but come on now are you some speck of a mate oh man of all creatures in existence really criticizing me right now I have to agree that your actions were redundant father all in all what you did is you entered that church to have a heated argument with a harmless old moth or exactly my point it was harmless quiet it was 18 years old shut up he was tired and lone stuff you're stupid his only company was a rock introduced it I will show your dad plates no your Scylla I am surprised he did not die of liver failure in the midst of the are you mister vibrations immediately before I expand amass a huge old problem choking is a function and long since transcended do you not think I have argued with countless preachers of all different doctrines for that is exactly what I did during those times they all either fell into my ranks or onto their polished marble floors what makes you believe you write all of failure was to be treated differently I cannot rightly say there is just something deep inside me you might very core telling me that that you were kind of an [ __ ] he just keeps on going I will humor you which one of my actions during the course of this record would you call s holy Sh well first off you soon him to be dour and leaden hearted like as you said more priestly folk are those are among your first words to him priests are prejudiced by nature I do not see why I should not return the favor in kind that is kind of an [ __ ] holy balls all right would you like me to throw him out the window my lord no you Tripp will strength prophylactic much has it is unusual for me to say this I need his input so I can't figure out how he of all sentient life-forms has the gall to currently be criticizing me while I do not wish to strap on the thong of the demons advocate quite as tightly as my brother here you never told the CLE sea Odysseus that he was dour and let not it he in this erogenous done Taba honestly pretty useful and I'm certain you agree considering you are still keeping them around oh just like your ayah I gave him a second chance but unlike your I'm Decius did not decide to throw a fit right into an inferno I think that might be because you didn't decide to light the ecclesial Palace on fire after converting him that would be incredibly wasteful the ecclesia Arkell palace and all cathedrals at once house that wretched imperial cult is to be dedicated to the Galactica lest ambushment of the new Imperial truth as well as the worship of mankind as a whole why did you not republish the Church of the Lightning stone in a similar manner by the time your Thunder warriors with the church on fire the old priests had been converted you had already convinced him that his religion was nothing but falsehoods as I said some things such as old churches are better left forgotten Gillman would probably fight you on that he likes his old cultural vestiges I would brutally spanked his behind as blue as his livery if he did right on dude no besides some old stone church would have had to make way for the fact or UM's in script forums eventually anyway no need to cover such pointless history when we can favor progress instead oh how soon we forget ignorance dams progress that is what our glorious Overlord said last walks cursed I cannot help but feel that forcing this old church into the void of the Forgotten is to deliberately enforced ignorance I wasn't in the last Vox cast so I didn't even hear him say that we are currently bringing the so so forgotten vestige of cultural history that you are attempting to defend up openly in a Vox cast public a it was a different time and different actions had to be taken for progress to occur so you go eat your empty headed Church sympathizing blather between two loafs of down man drawn while I remain in the right as I always do so you would not burn this church down if it happened to exist today I would but I would not have people forget it I would instead make a bad example to all of what happens if you insult me by insisting on building some scraggly damn cult check on my planet it is quite the vendetta you carry nevertheless I have a second point to make oh no go right ahead I am ready to thoroughly did one and viciously murder each stupid point you bring up against me the second instance of [ __ ] ish Ness really stood out to me was when you told of the atrocities his religions had brought in the days of old like those holy men killed a whole bunch of people while well for the lack of a better term crusading yes his religion was awful barbaric nonsense influenced by the gods of CO Wesson what of it hmm well I just could not help but feel like your hypocrisy reached some form of climax when you told him the difference between the old Crusades and your crusade but the difference is I know I am right a perfect wrecked art my glorious overlord you are right always all the time shut up boy why did you bring that up Butler boy are you really going to challenge me on this no perhaps not but I am going to ask you why you did not just use your divine charisma upon his simple mortal mind to convince him your crusade was justified that way he would have followed you no matter what I did not wish for him to follow me blindly like he had done his Falls God I wanted him to make the conscious free choice of following me yes in that case you could have at least pitched the idea of humanity conquering stars to him a bit better I mean if you did not mention the whole truce aid thing and told him he would get first class seats on the Bucephalus as it traveled across the solar system for the first time then maybe he would have followed you he was clearly a traveler at heart and spending his last days traveling a new frontier would have surely given him the peace he sought maybe you could have thrown in some liquor in the jail as well Erina are you then suggesting I should have given this privilege to all preachers of Terra cause son let me tell you how logistical II screwed that suggestion is and how logistic leave agent you're flopping scullers no no just the ones you kind of liked I guess the ones with potential I do not follow to be quite honest you would you lie I got pretty friendly at times it was actually quite cute and I totally ship that ship if it had already know well to be fair yes he was admittedly all-in-all rather pleasant for a priest and he gave me free liquor my second secret project has always been to awaken the immaterial God of alcoholic spirits I would be amongst its most fervent followers I cannot tell if this is some kind of joke alas I cannot deny that the novelty of having the last priest of the last Church join the newly founded secular Imperium would have been gratifying if I had spoken to him more than once prior to his brainwashing I am sure his statue would be mounted somewhere here on Terra oh good yes dad take boy Oh calm down boy it is only a deranged tech brace up what do you want look why does he have a saurian for a face from where did this creature emerge I recognize this priest what he is supposed to be looking for my button a humble collector of knowledge maybe beseech in your word would you believe I may have read this story for the pig feeds of your custodians helmets would it be possible to ask an obnoxious mater questions about it you are a creep but okay the last Church trivia time man commence questionnaire protocol zero zero zero one now yes what is an Europa it is not to be confused with the ocean Univ Jupiter as it is a Terran continent it was called Europe before but it is the future now I thought that was an ancient Phoenician woman--the I thought it was a band what about Eason Juliana what is that eyes on Tula Verona was an artist that lived about 11,000 years ago she took commissions - paid frescoes such as the one on the ceiling of the Church of the lightning stone four of her works mentioned in the record are the following number one nude figures distorting in a magical garden number two the explosion of stars number three the battle between a golden Knight and a silver dragon and number four anyone verse being of light surrounded by a halo of machinery the first one is a reference to an archaic book which spoke up of first two humans to ever exist both of who lived in a magical garden where animals talked and everything was a trip that is dumb did you read it out of the book of the astronomic are you shot your face the book of the astronomic and is a treasure hmm moving on the second painting is more or less a hilarious je palma priest s expense as it was an artistic representation of the Big Bang I do not quite remember if it was eyes on Julia herself screwing around or if it was due to some so-called divine inspiration but having a church decorated with a secular truth concerning the origins of existence as opposed to one of divine creation is an insanely great prank does sound like something you would do boy do you know what the Big Bang is sounds really oh wow you know what it actually does are you serious right now I was warming up to boy but now you are turning them to your side youth was a widely accepted cosmological model for our universe telling us that all that is began as a single minuscule cluster of energy which then expanded rapidly to the size it is today in a fashion akin to that of an explosion a bag that is big how anyone in my Imperium does not know this makes me lose so much hope for our future how am I supposed to fight though he death of the universe if no one even knows what a singularity is stop not knowing things cease you think anyway the third painting is just straight-up me fighting a dragon will not talk much more about it but all in all I am a hero lastly the fourth is a planted prophecy that later goal is fulfilled as I descended upon Mars to greet the early and mechanical that is a thing I cannot help but feel like you will see the you who commissioned those paintings all that is Angela Verona was some sort of psycho let us just say that in the end her works were not really divinely inspired as much as they were man violently inspired I'd prefer your man lights and means any day of the week she died after rejecting glory honour and exposure as an adequate payment methods for her work a total sellout I am Telling You what a vile woman utterly what is a Kenyan it is the remnants of the so called Mariana Trench that existed back when terror still had water it was the deepest known part of the world's oceans I have no idea what it is used for now but I am certain that deep gaping and oh so convenient hole now holds mounds upon mounds of tear and excrete - thanks to whatever swivel-eyed divisio the administered tomb set to handle Tara's voice evils irony could make a fine subterranean fortress out of it if it was rinsed clean what is a franc franc was a country in Europa it was primarily known for its production of striped shirts the Napoleon complex and the best Fist of the North Star dub in history I have heard it streets were filled with greyscale clowns what is an o night it is an other word for the age of strife you idiot how did you not know that he is quite dumb who I say twin and Gallienus some ancient irrelevant scholars whom he just as well could have made up in names up on the spot so these names are not based on some morbidly ancient yet still somehow relevant scholars from the early age of Terror as these usually are no huh what is a Mediterranean Dust Bowl after water on terror magically disappeared the Mediterranean Sea as it was called it became as the name indicates a dust bowl whoops ah a Nordic tone claims some society built upon the northern part of a continent known as Africa until the two latter letters were read hunt from history fairly certain there was a South Africa quibble n't as well but do not take my word on that what is what Irish was a nation led by a warlord known as comic universe his territory spanned areas previously known as Russia Asia and India for the most part I am fairly certain what about Shang calm what is a a general under colleague an aversion [Applause] what goodness gracious how I can fly why does he say it like that airships indeed a word ooh inquisitive pile of trash northern Jim was the most infamous warlord of them all the half insane half genius half sand enthusiast of the Pan Pacific Empire his Empire was incidentally only made possible due to the fact that the western portions of the Ring of Fire region disappeared wait is it nothing doom or nothin doom both and neither as befits someone who was somehow half insane and half genius good thing no one cares he is incredibly dead and irrelevant what is tally a pizza place and [Music] Skandia up work some nation of dawn midea traitors and what was once the kingdoms of Denmark Norway and Sweden before they decided to not accept unity and thusly got dunked in flames by yours truly what about music look it is an other nation stop asking about nations you've Xing gone whole sir what was their religion the priests held on to ostensibly an Abrahamic religion as they were called were at least a descendant of one perhaps something along the lines of Catholicism which is slightly touched upon in another occurred religious worship of the kaffarah seems highly ridiculous it is no wonder you bandits worship Father do you know I was going to smack you for being wrong but if you look at it with a deep understanding of esoteric philosophy you are uncannily correct explain please see the urethra constitutes the ring theism constitutes the damage catheterization constitutes religious doctrine and the flouting constitutes the awful bloody religious arguments pouring out from their skull honestly sir that comparison was pretty contrived damaged urethras must have led in calm back in the day yes the st. Chad sect first formed in the early days of the age of terror at the very beginning of the calendar we conveniently hijacked off of them it somehow managed to survive for thousands of years like hey stubborn diseased and crazily enough it might just still exist to this day it is brought into full view late into the record when I reveal the history of this barbaric religion I spoke of the ancient Crusades and it's indoctrinated acolytes who spouted Nia's fault and killed countless of innocents I also referenced the events of the massacre of Vassy a an ancient Frank as well as and prepared yourself for this one the establishment of the cat Herrick Inquisition yes you heard this correctly there's an actual honest to Fog reference to the very inquisition the one in the 41st millennium is so shamelessly trying to mirror an organization that I myself called a dreadful monstrous plague of hysteria in this record don't think I have ever heard of such an organization ever existing I guess the name had to be derived from somewhere originality is dead suffice to say when I later on an ordered Malka door to form what would later be known as the god Emperor's Holy Inquisition his intention was absolutely not to make a Norfolk planet murdering descendant of the 12th century organization going by the same name and I will be knifed in the eye socket if that was his intention and he is just screwing with me from beyond the grave could this be the last question what was the lightening stone really oh I do not even think we provided context for the Lightning sterile in the first place it is just a dumb stone that got hit by lightning a blind and deaf man was supposedly nearby what had happened and was cured or something it is really vain and quite an awful self contradictory story dug straight from the contents of someone's catheter bag the stone did exist at least yes the Lightning stone is actually an ancient and the clove rock previously known as the old man of storr before the little lightening stone fantasy came to fruition it existed upon the Isle of Skye which was part of an empire known as Great Britain in ancient times how great was this Great Britain not that great it was actually pretty small had a lot of pound lands though so that goes for something I may or may not have any more questions but might I be leaning towards now I have no idea what compelled me to answer all of these questions till I break his neck not now do I have a theory yes the theory is is the Emperor of mankind in fact a giant [ __ ] going out the window now that that is done do you know what I am going to do what shall you do my master I am going to pour just a moment acknowledge your prettiest little wishes will I get to suckle your kneecaps no you will not I shall summon forth you run from the depths of the immaterial to speak to me once more a final dialogue between the two of us wait you can really do that of course I can I am the mother stomping Emperor father are you certain this is a good idea yes I came up with it I shall locate his essence and projected here what per my pilot yes what is this idiots like gluteus maximus oh my god it is in Revelation in the flesh oh well I'm sorry that isn't a very apt way of describing it anymore now is this stay back filth you will not speak to our glorious overlord in such casual of fashion Thrones trousers what has offered up my pouch excuse me you seem to have forcibly summoned me as the most inopportune time I was just preaching the Word of the Gods to my congregation oh no no no no I no Massa have you perhaps brought me here for a second round I knew this day would come you know but I have to give you fair warning however well believe me old friend I now have naught but the moral high ground but also approximately eleven thousand years of stone-cold fact so back up my oh damn it I had been unwittingly defending someone who is now a literal demon this entire box cast now well I have to go eject from eating cocktail in my face he didn't turn to adrenaline hi excuse me but I have to first of all ask what in the grandest galactical gob smashing fun has happened to you your run revelation happens are you sassing me right now he is fashioned you right now how dare you sass the spaz poor of specimens as per our fun saspa Nazis must sassing as I am perhaps thanking you know being an indirect action York raised arrogance was what brought me to find the primordial truth through baptism in the flames of terrors last religious bastion ah I would contend that the self-immolation has had the opposite of its intended effects after you stripped away my faith in both God and humanity I thought I had lost it all nothing remained for me in this world nothing but despair persecution and loneliness in a new world the rest of its morality the conflagration that had once in my church I then saw is my only salvation but in a midst of the inferno you had so ruthlessly started I heard their voices they called to me they wanted to help me they saw my faith how it's tragic and fruitless but as tenacious honorable sophisticated and beautiful they're sure me my existence had purpose that the life I led had not been a lie and that they wish did not yet soft out they truly did exist and they saved my immortal soul and brought me to the heavens for them I remain to this day I yet stand as the last true wrist of terror in the name of the gods and I will preach their word to all whom are willing to hear it so friends would you care to join me for the midnight service it's not midnight it's no traitor I hate this I hate everything about this sticking a huge dump over the entire being who was Uriah and record in and on itself why would anyone do this I'm quite full revives find them into the fray once more we shall chaste with words thrust and parry one and other certainties with argument and counter-argument say what you will and we will serve for a few minutes or so I really do not have more time that is my intention I have other matters to attend to but a few minutes I can spare did you two just quote your previous conversation almost verbatim proko daddy is busy I am adorable first off making the transition from a belief that while immensely hypocritical primarily proclaims itself servants of love and prosperity of all mankind to a belief that praises literal actual demons is so beyond logical reasoning it could be religion in its own right demon is but a man you foolishly apply to them to manufacture pretext you frame them as objectively evil but in that same regard I could call angels oh no he has actual arguments run for cover you must be screwing with me now have you ever seen a blood liver yes I am aware as to how they appear just look at this you Barbie marbled rude oh that's a picture of a bluff oh yes I am aware as to how they appear behind 11,000 years earlier and the sucker came for Ava's that you would be voiding your bowels witnessing a literal Satan strolling through your church this is all semantics to be quite honest I do not care for what the never born might appear yes and this nice young man would like you to distribute mandatory homage to the Church of mega satan by ripping out your jugular and pouring its contents into a mile-wide go Erlich see you're doing it again you're framing them as objectively evil and leaving it at that something you have done since time immemorial you frame things as harmful when it's a lot more than you I am NOT framing anything this is verbatim what blood letters do it is even in their damn name the surface of corn is the weather the user's literally called a highway that's like three servings of the flowers we focus all too much on such petty things as names and exteriors you forgot better I am vastly different in my own worship the one I spread to the masses I worship the powers undivided as a singular entity I perceive the various powers as aspects of one vast benevolent being I wish for myself in all life willing to give themselves to the purest form of devotion to the powers in its unadulterated Hall coming as closest can be to the true God of this existence you cannot possibly believe those wretched [ __ ] muffins up there are somehow part of the same entity I believe it makes sense in what regard the air parts of the immaterial as the immaterial miss part of them they are all connected integral parts of a full body well the way I see it is that what we call Co s gods are like the lime growths on set buddy they need to be removed so the body as a whole stops destroying itself remove clo'es oh that is quite ludicrous do you realize it go s no no if you if you were to do that with an OS listen here that is not even how it stopped seriously I will not be having this conversation remember that one time when you worshipped a book that said abstain from things polluted by idols from sexual immorality from what is strangled and from blood but the new fried your brain and began worship of all those things instead all right listen yeah you shrieking remanence pull up I am getting rather sick of all this horrid hypocrisy that your upheaving forth but since you want to play that game so badly let's go preach TASMAC first off since you focus on something make six let me do the exact same thing let's see what happens hmm so let me think you directly or indirectly we popularized the usage of many many words that were previously almost exclusively used by four and within different religions such as crusade Church Cathedral sanctum prayers sacred holy defied chastity litany purity faith angels halo priests prior arrests Canon s martyr Turab chaplain templar cardinal ecclesia titan saint pilgrimage blasphemy corruption four council of nykeya the inquisition and of course heresy just to name a few and here you are sitting in your glimmering yard couch led up to buy a giant reference to stairway to heaven in a literal golden palace the size of a thousand landscapes incense candles all over the place and you dare call me a hypocrite most of those were Lord artists fault you made Nagas he is a directs cause of your actions log are made himself follow the path of his own religion in his own blindness and desperation he sought what he couldn't find in father precisely he only became a religious nut because he was put on that irrational oratory of a planet Co she's by the co ask Rita and you decide it's still given an entire Legion and the power to spread his faith which Oh with the belief that you were a God by the way certainly called that one the fact that he recognized me as a God was entirely coincidental and not my intention you ragged corpse every single facet of your entire damnable Imperium so it's looks with your methods to even its religious symbolism is neither coincidental nor accidental you have done all this on purpose and now you seek to deflect blame onto those who you support shut it for God's sake revelation sanguinis literally has angel wings how could you have accidentally done that I believe those were caused by radiation on his whole world radiation does not cause anyone to grow angel wings if they were not genetically predisposed to was it not you who just said that stop focusing on anything such as names and exteriors and that is exactly my point you sanctimonious us even as you began coating your Imperium with religious iconography and naming conventions you still spread your horrid Imperial truth longing for a galaxy of secular superiority oh look at me I'm so rational ah even while claiming to have the moral high ground and that religion is and always will be a source of destruction and despair you go on literal Crusades killing who do not consent say your enforced belief system your imperial truth has killed more people than any religion in the history of matter differences I know I am right and also I wasn't done he just keeps on door he was getting well yoe revel in this grand display of abhorrent pietism the primordial truth through contradicts itself but in the right way in that while it may seem to you like the incarnation of objective evil it actually brings forth purpose or humanity pride hope relish bravery and all dreams and emotions of mankind are raised to their highest regard beneath the rugged exterior of the powers you find goodness in the heart of men beneath the deliberately hollowed exterior of your Imperial truth you find but a fruitless existence the supposed purpose you speak of is but an awful excuse to ever revel in you are ultimately in essential feelings as multi-dimensional intelligences suckle from your naive brain teat your purpose is to be a host to parasites that is no a life worthy of existence a true purpose would be not to complain to an astral oppressor but to make a mark against its tyranny ascend your primal mind and become something greater and a mere god conquer the co addict parasite investing your brain and retake it with an iron hand and again your words are riddled with hypocrisy if you stood fully behind your own words you would have accepted the inter legionary wars for what they were the prime marks themselves marching against tyranny your tyranny no matter how much you may think so there is a key difference between me and the tyranny of the co as the differences I know I am right can you even give a reason for why that is of course I can what is your reason then simple I want to sustain humanity the co s gods only want to sustain themselves now that's dung if I ever heard it you wish to sustain humanity by but to what end all that I have ever seen is men and women slaving their lives away in squalor to perpetuate their betters their betters being you know the guts meet you and your pitiful unstable emotions to exist in the first place I made the imperium so that mankind may thrive away from these base emotional predations since do you know Gus like corn really just want their blood and just like how they need us we need them just as how the gods are our thoughts feelings and emotions our thoughts feelings and emotions are the gods we cannot exist without them what makes up our beings are our minds and without emotion without thoughts and without meaning we would be not with drooling non-functional servitor meet the gods have existed since time immemorial born with the first vestige of a thought the powers want to sustain themselves as much as they want to sustain us for we are one and the same you are dire need of a fact check with all the Sun source to which you are spewing the malevolent sentience as you know as the powers could not even help you make hey gods damn sandwich they are tumors that have grown from the horrid emotional instability of a galaxy at constant work if these consciousnesses were to be put out and freed of sentience it would make no difference for the ones not woven up in their crooked pyramid schemes as I told you the gods that make up the whole of the powers undivided have existed since the very first conceived thought they are interchangeable with our emotions they cannot just be thought out without all sentient life in the galaxy going out with them whether you like that or not is irrelevant the fact of the matter is that this pyramid scheme you are talking about is simply what we normal people would call being human please define normal people I can honestly understand why your son's betrayed you with this callous attitude of yours it's only gotten worse with the years you do not want to sustain humanity you want humanity purged of all the flaws in serum you do not fight for Humanity you hate humanity and you want it changed into something distinctly non-human you want an enforced belief to release free thinking you want obedience to replace a neutral companionships you want the lives of your people to be dedicated to nothing but servitude to your malicious self-serving course and oh my how painfully ironic it is that I tell you all this this is the same rationale which you use to pave my path to your own brand of enlightenment but in the end I saw in you the exact same oppressors that you sought to destroy you may call me a hypocrite for having altered my worship but I still preach the same word of love and prosperity just as I did back then only in the name of gods I know for true watch over me but you your arguments have run dry your scapegoats have withered away your secular galaxy cannot exist and you will never be able to fulfill your godless ambitions and how do I know this because I know I am right and that is where I am drawing the line to stow miasma of and correctness you are permeating is starting to manifest its own idiotic sentience the game has changed since our previous discussion and as much as you may believe you are in the right you will be convinced otherwise sooner or later all in all nice discussion heretic but it is time to stop oh good the h-word being all ironic are we yes I had assumed your humor departed with your skin really sorry my lord but this very sensitive divisive and controversial discussion about Co s ideologies has cost a few civil wars to crop up across Terra already so perhaps we should distract our listeners by moving on and reading some questions sent in by them before more of them starting stabbing each other actually I think that might be the taco dilemma still going on no no these are new do not worry we will quell the rebels in short time afterwards we'll just tell them nicely to stop having opinion fine read me some awful questions from our most painfully inept citizens can you send me home first my congregation awaits me absolutely not you will suffer these questions as well for your crimes against humanity Oh for the love of ya man how I suppose I understand why you were mispronouncing it though start reading before he fades out of this realm questions and answer segment also holy Santa static AIDS worshiper what the fack Wow even the announcers are rude right first question great and mighty Emperor considering the fruit of nature of the galaxy right now why don't you start making some Thunder warriors to get everything sorted out for the moment I mean I know they were supposedly unstable and insane like an army of teenagers but they also don't live long so maybe they can have some shoot up that is ours and when they are dead we can send some estar T's to fix everything up I have heard that the arc Magus Belisarius cowl has something awesome in his labs but I have a feeling that his idea won't catch on and certainly isn't involved with any of your loyal sons kindest regards sexual Yeti pornos late artists look individual whose name literally is sexual yet there is a reason why the Thunder Warriors were taken out back and killed in glorious combat in a final battle off their unification Wars water only prototypes they decomposed fairly quickly got a start ace on the way and I wholly agree with the sentiment that they were like an army of insane teenagers this man is quite lighting for a porno slave artist you are only saying that because they threw you off a cliff and laughed at you you know then throwing me off a cliff isn't exactly the first thing that comes to mind when I think about those mass murderers God you are a revelation besides not even sure what you're talking about this hole died in glorious combat thing last I heard they were all put down like dogs by all is glorious combat on Mount Ararat end of discussion stop you know I'm pretty sure there is no mountain going by bang well this segments getting cut perhaps we should consider cutting the entirety of your ayahs appearance out altogether perhaps we should consider cutting you ran with a guardian spirit I'm incorporeal you absolute tosser am I the only one curious as to what the pornography man meant by arch mayor's Belisarius car having something awesome in his labs as if to imply that he is creating new Thunder warriors I do not care in the slightest there are billions of tech priests across the mechanic I'm committed to their own little tech heresies they will never get their projects out there to wade the Imperium due to the restrictions put on them by their overseers and their culture I am quite certain he and every single other cog chuck in the cult is just working at some hollow futile endeavor that will not go anywhere like making female thunder warriors or reinventing the squads for some reason I recalled Gillman having mentioned this Magus my name in the past but I am unsure as to the context of the conversation was it about reinventing squats because i hold gulaman that he was not allowed to do that do not worry about it boy no need to depress you with such information excuse me but could you please move on I do not have all my linear yeah very well here's the next question dear Emperor what are your thoughts on the bulk of Enrico's honorable stance against the opposition concerning citizens of the Imperium that nearly sparked a civil war sincerely a loyal since Oh volker fan Rika that's the space wolves good job the illiterate eggplant strikes again with information absolutely no one of us knew eggplant oh yes revelation what are your thoughts on the god Emperor's Holy Inquisition being stood up to buy a pack of galactically misplaced scanned Ian's if you had not noticed plz [ __ ] I despise the fact that some stupid dumb idiot decided to ironically name while condors organization the Inquisition I you sure it wasn't you who named it after all your very existence demands seven layers of irony to even comprehend he cannot be certain my father's memory is fractured so is fully possible he could have named it himself and then forgotten about it shut your honor I will welded shut if I may speak at the behest of our glorious overlord of course he approved of a priest to make this entirely clear what this citizen is referring to is the conflict that occurred in the aftermath of the first war of Armageddon in which the Inquisition started to force the citizens of the planets into labor camps sterilizing and purging them if the need became apparent as well as conspiring to kill all the guardsmen who survived the conflict this resulted in a cold war between the Inquisition and the space wolves who took action in favor of freeing the Empress people and the soldiers of the Armageddon steel Legion honestly that's a pretty senseless reason to get into a war over and why is that I mean who cares if the population of some planet gets treated a left and an attack by a force that is known to corrupt people against their will case in point look at this emaciated master man I'll excuse you nudist I made the entirely conscious choice of denying your God and accepting my own I was never corrupted nor did I turn into some rabid beast that needs castrating damn it now I'm conflicted what do you mean you're conflicted you had good points excuse me but there is an entire separate record concerning the first war Barbican in the cold war that followed perhaps we should cover that record in and of itself in a future box cast and continue this discussion then an excellent set aside it's it's tame go ahead with the next question yes naturally Oh glorious emperor I would like to inquire about the mysterious being that sometimes aids our efforts in bringing peace and prosperity to the whole Imperium the sanguine or be it your action of mighty master of mankind be it in any way related to your favorite son Hawk boy sanguine yes blessed be his name I hope you get your eye patches soon eternally yours battle brother camellias blood angels second company sick tactical squad yeah blessed by who say do we have any information on this saying we've boy present I cannot wait for you to have two bionic eyes and planted father it would look very funny you are not allowed to laugh at all ever I will laugh a lot father in my mind I will turn all your body's dopamine supplies into pure mercury if you do this page 51 of the fifth blood angels codex it is said that the sanguine are only appears before the bloody angels when circumstances are extremely dire so dire in fact that only a few are actually recorded to have seen him in person the ones who are certain that the sanguine or is no myth nor elucidation are those privileged one angels that have access to the chapters reclusive Wow we just keep leaking classified information about different chapters don't we know what shall keep secrets from our Emperor I am NOT talking about holding secrets from him I am talking about openly discussing this kind of stuff in a box cast pública I do not believe this is classified information as much as it is history no one bothered to confirm one way or the other I was just talking about there is a single item class volume recording every single account of the sanguinis manifestations across the millennia manifestations is a strange choice of words how most is if this bargain bin sanguinis is some sort of warp entity huh taking into account how your soul seems to be all over the place ever considered if you have your own little never born offspring strutting around like this sanguine or perhaps even if I did I would not be telling you about them crew I do not need you inviting my never kids to your extra mundane Sunday school no no that's alright I'm certain their father wouldn't even be there to pick them up afterwards seeing as how he's stuck at home being an armchair activist in the most literal sense of the word can I continue talking about the sanguine oh now oh do not let this cruddy demon jealous here stop you like your grasp on this realm your insults grow every weaker the book goes on to say that determining the sanguine owes nature is just about as hard as his glistening armored ABS hmm does it actually say that a couple of members in the bloody Angels chapter council theorized that the sanguine or is an amalgam of their pry marks nobler side the partha kept him from fully grasping his big black quivering murder boner gods Holland pious yes the [ __ ] delusions need to get thrown out the window if only illusions could be thrown the blood engines most elite veterans believe him to be one known as Ashkelon whom is the founder of their oder his body preserved by the powers of your grace my king his head ever encapsulated inside the golden death mask he has worn throughout the millennia I will always take credit where credit is due and credit us always do to me for I am the reason you all live objectively incorrect but I must say that it is well within reason for a Space Marine to survive for many millennia as long as no major harm comes to their organs and they liberally use their suspended animation membrane they should be good this is true there is specific mention of a marine called Epimetheus within a wreck world simply called panda Rex whom survived in suspended animation for just around 10,000 years well it is either that or the mantle of the sanguine or is simply passed down from marine to marine and has been for 10,000 years that would make even more sense don't you think I believe in being a warp NC makes the most sense you would you and say in popular besides the notion of him being a manifestation of sanguinis as noble nature the blood Angell's are known to be obsessed with their Primarch and of course your son sanguinis is basically your very own Jesus Oh he's very unwise his yes this sounds like a food my glorious golden hawk boy has nut hey Jesus no he absolutely is he's like a brazen parallel Tibbs Jesus of the old religions everyone loves him he has flowing beautiful hair he sacrificed himself he has his own day dedicated to him he's nicer than his dad naturally the walk working as it does this sanguine or would coalesce within the Imperium and become its very own nascent entity formed from the mass of worshipped of your son if you are the father and sanguinis is the Sun then the sanguine is perhaps the Holy Ghost what please stop drawing connections for your old superstitious mount sense it is worsening my eternal headache you do not get to use the word superstitious anymore friend that word has passed it's expiration date by many millennia screw you expiration dates are guidelines not rules would this logically conclude that there is a warp ghost of me selling around the immaterial I to have a day it is not as popular but it exists maybe no I would like to call it the adore becau stop he comes to your half blocks when you sleep and fixes your walls suspected next question yes of course to the most illustrious Emperor of mankind my lord I hope this missive finds you in tolerable health and happiness it does not I am a sanctioned Imperial psycho formerly of the Otto heretic us branch of the Inquisition based in the calexis sector since your decree that the Inquisition be disbanded and all personnel returned to civilian duties I have been out of a job I cannot return to my home world piety upset which is currently being invaded by xenos I am struggling to find work on scintilla as the masses in general do not trust or like me and the nobles and the deputies our bodies are all corrupt secretly in league with some kind of vile pain cult I also have no experience working in a fact Orem environment and would be a constant health and safety risk to my fellow laborers I humbly beg you of my Lord as the greatest and most perfect cycler in all of the galaxy what advice can you provide to any and all itinerant Imperial psychos left wandering far from home unemployed or less vulnerable to the mercies in a distrustful and hostile populace I'm kind of work or career options would you recommend and what role can psychos really play in a modern Imperium of man doors in eternal service a Kalon qui lad I do believe this man mr. memo I entrusted the ecclesia Ark to send out that would be because of its origins it takes a bit more time for information to reach in and out of the Calixtus sector let it be known the Inquisition which is real by the way to all civilians and Guardsmen who were wondering is not to be disbanded anymore it was just a prank at the expense of the most horrid authoritarian parts of the Inquisition so I could have them banished to the warp loyal subjects such su and clung are allowed to continue your work as long as you do not use your unquestioned watchdog dominion over the sector to murder babies or something unless they are traitorous babies what do you mean traitorous babies what does that mean can't have the next man's skin to grow up if we are fully capable of stopping it what better to just make sure oops out of them honestly what I'm a baby Cathy a traitor a baby is a baby Oh your outrage truly is rich Padre considering your ex religion invented the concept of original sin oh you're all disgusting I questioned your judgment co s man I am certain your church is made out of dead babies that's objectively income taxes rather impressive what's how did you build such a structure like the foundation must have taken you months to construct no my church is not made out of dead baby now what I'm going to continue on with the next question now the pain never ends via corpse Emperor I know it is surprising Frasca Colossus Tottie's to communicate with your Imperium in a non-violent ways but I assure you I'm sending you this friendly little letter with no ill intention you see it happens that after our last successful revenge plot from the smoking curries on Fenris our prime ugh magnus the red had mysteriously vanished from his tower during our victory party no less imagine that we didn't find his psychic trace anywhere of Sartorius and our Corbin AC is caught divine his presence in the warp apparently someone or something is blocking them no clue no lead nothing besides his disappearance can't be the result of one of the Dark Gods or filthy xeno species they would already boast about it which leaves you and your Imperium is the last suspect in this mess consequently I am asking you this one question have you anything to do with the absence of our progenitor because we are one of the few legions who managed to remain on good terms with our gene father but the majority of us anyway and we've really miss him sincerely djibouti thousand suns sorceress PS I enchanted this message so that any member of your cult who read it thinks it's a letter of praises to the god Emperor and he should read it in order to bypass any potential filter and/or sensor don't blame them too much looks like the administered tongue spam filter divisio is getting promptly re staffed this garbage being thrown straight in my face is inexcusable this also told you he enchanted the lesser one would have thought that a simple enchantment should have been noticed when sorting through mail intended for the Emperor of mankind it couldn't have been a Melton charge it could have been super anthrax in fact we may be breathing in the super anthrax right now hey boy are you dead yes my lord all right super anthrax ruled out how about answering the goddamn question instead of worrying about super anthrax right yes I did naps Magnus you did what you heard me reg face i kidnapped Magnus I had him brought here to my palace in a box to serve me once more so to the haughty pile of stale wizards he calls sons you can either get going with your repentance posthaste or dissolve into nothing those are your choices could you could you could you run that one by me again I don't think like we can't just walk by what you just said is if it's not it's something that you just said this is not something we can just a nice tab for seen chin the face repeatedly as to reclaim Magnus is soul he is loyal to my cause once more and you all can suck it long and hard stabbed in the face you can go on with the next question I am done with this one certainly all right this one is a bit I can barely see what it says but let me try all right God and pour I draw a picture of walk and walk krumping to prove orcses debt biggest and strongest it it's eye on the back strong me from and turning around we can indeed see a picture of two stick figures with dubious looking knives and greenskins chopping away at a pool of blood with a face your face judging by the hair sir I am offended why do you would be up ski letting the messages from death instantly come to my palace like I said big garbage water JJ JJ JJ es su SS who cries get your [ __ ] straight you god some love my presence in this round eggs did ocular did I really kill it that is quite surprising utter your favorite profanity to confirm this my glorious overlord know if it truly is true I shall wait for the perfect moment to do it I shall revel in the moment feel the taste of freedom on my lips and exercise the unshackled might of my vocabulary once more ah no mph lose or flops you better read the next question before I spend this moment lambasting you and your grisly leather slacks but nevertheless here's the next question Emperor well rude no mic Laureus emperor or most splendid emperor or extremely erogenous Emperor good you need some humility in your on life and you need to wear something that is not a red spangled potato sec hi having been one of the few among my sisters who survived the alcohol induced coma from the news of your lack of divinity I have a substantial amount of time to ponder over what answers I would request of you I have come to one conclusion above all others as you say you're no god but a man I will be blunt I would have an answer to my question that has played my mind particularly for some time now surely if you can share in the bad as well as the good it would help us feel more connected to you on a real human level you claim to be the product of a shortcut taken by ancient cycles to achieve the ultimate evolution of humanity but does that not mean that at the end of the day you are still human should you not then feel the same guilt and doubt everyone feels if so I would know this have you ever had any serious doubts as to your goals and aspirations has anything ever made you reconsider any of your grand designs for the Imperium and humanity as a whole has anyone ever made you think twice is there anything that could or has made the greatest of our species think that perhaps how species is not worth saving to begin with Cantus advance lukio of the Adept of sororities all right first off this girl has for some reason convinced herself that because I am no God I am to be treated in an entirely different manner as if their solution that is exactly what you wanted so is it not that they God is greater than a man is a pre-manufactured assumption to the ignorant a God is greater because the definition dictates it to the enlightened a God is a frail construct built on the foundation of our own morality one easily toppled when we decide to resist it God's you're so rational right now great job secondly I do not carry doubt however the future may pave my path forward it in the ways I had envisioned or an unfavorable terms I always make the situation in my own the state of mankind best future is ever shifting I just make sure shifts in my favor yes you say this but it's kind of hard to take you at your word considering you've been stuck as a corpse on a throne for the better part of 10 millennia who is to say that is not part of my plan I sort of doubt that next question of course sir my my tempura I am but a corpsman of Krieg fitted for the grinder but I must ask you as I write in the pencil vagin fitted for transportation do you forgive Krieg do you forgive all our treachery all those years ago we have thrown countless men boys really at traitors Zeno's and the dreaded forces of coisa like seeking for forgiveness so i a lowly soldier heading for his demise ask you do you forgive Krieg and all we have done for the Imperium so long ago number eight oh five six the Western Front of Normandy she Wow that is probably the single greatest endorsement the planet has receives is there is a I mean here is the thing I do not really know what you did but if you remain loyal you are forgiven just keep fighting the good fight my man and get yourself a real name while you are at it what on Terra is a Panzer wagon now that is a food awful rationed comes at a Tim next question it is oh damn it how many are there do not worry this is the last one - my manliest of men man Emperor tragedy has befallen our pitiful planet known as Nelson 420 is it since your glorious words reached our box casters seeking to settle the great taco debate peacefully a taco why we held a democratic vote mandatory upon pain of death of course to determine which day would be deemed most worthy of occasions to eat such a sacred meal alas what were once hushed heretical whispers of rebellion among our society have become opened shouts of defiance calling themselves la Campo de taco these lunatics are led by she who calls herself sister beehive as if to mock the very adept a sorority she pits herself against they preach encouragement Stu indulge in that which we hold to be the foul list of taboos that the consumption of the sacred taco should be held on any day of one's choosing despite our attempts to combat this red revolution I fear that our world may soon be beyond salvation my only wish is for you and all of the Imperium to know of our plight so the history need not repeat itself the most humble of servants Lord governor casket of case inexcusable unforgivable unjustifiable in defence reprehensible without justification absolutely disgust to eat the taco on a day of one's choice is to defile the sacred bond between you in the very modus operandi of the taco it is not you who gets to make the choice of one the taco was to be eaten it is the taco that makes the choice exactly Mitchell Egypt creed clearly states that the taco by its definition defines consent of consumption outside of its designated taco day consensual consumption outside of the delegated time period is a myth what are you talking about tacos non-consensual consumption what last Fox cast laught adorable and our impressed started a civil war over what day tacos should be eaten but tacos aren't even that good send him back to wherever he came from father he is unwanted here and he doesn't want to be here yes this hind of great a sacrilege is not welcomed in my palace Oh finally you better not fiddle with the altar boys preach Oh even if they are ho ass ones would not want to decimate the remainders of your spit roasted crotch a convenient rebuttal bone boy which comes to shove I know that I can always count on you to try and hamstring me with an accusation that I am a purist in the future try cremation it sure as hell beats shutting yourself up in a palace sized coffin listening to your own bones creaking agony you glorified dog treat screw you you rile screw you revelation you know what I really do want to shape it no you don't want to do that can we ship it I don't think so my lord no that is full-blown heresy here's the aged word mark - nevertheless that was certainly dumb but come to think of it you have my thanks for informing me about this incredible reservoir of sakari if either records going to as much detail as the last Church did I could learn so much about the happenings of Imperial history oh yes absolutely we want more we need more these superb spots of knowledge cascading above the skin of our collective encephalon slowly carries addictive qualities shut or failure of a face or sinew and that is our cue to end the Vox cast I totally forgot we were broadcasting this I feel like this may come to bite me in the ass in the future and thank you to everyone listening remember that no matter what you make this Imperium the Imperium does not make you that is all you're right I had pretty lousy arguments yes no one would ever consider joining his cause after hearing this yes it's all good that is not an answer anyway hope to see you all next time wait have a good one and Eppler blast No hey we have another podcast going on on soar on the Bears channel called bare necessities bare necessities bare necessities in which me Alf abuser and Zora and sit around and talk about 40k non 40k Darnell dose course characters other [ __ ] we can come up with no spot I think I mentioned my bank details once go there bare necessities if you won not forcing your anything it's a thing that exists fair necessities at your leisure at your price at yours conditions at your been everything you want straight to you he want my keys you can have my keys you want my car I don't have one you want me you're gonna have to pay premium buddy that does not come cheap if you want my clothes you're not getting them those are expensive more expensive than me I am I don't remember my rates but if you want a business card buy them from my dad why my dad been by my card been from my dad's been by me been and then we can get back

Channel: Bruva Alfabusa

Views: 1,232,910

Rating: 4.9430332 out of 5

Keywords: warhammer, 40k, 40000, 40, 000, war, hammer, dawn, of, dow, dow2, II, dowII, alfabusa, alfa, busa, legion, indrick, boreale, no, noh, apollo, diomedes, bruva, am, hit, captain, force, commander, space, marine, marines, spess, marheen, spehs, murheen, murheens, marheens, baneblade, baneblades, bald, and, foolish, the, emperor, custodes, satire, parody, primarch, magnus, fulgrim, lorgar, perturabo, roboute, guilliman, konrad, curze, sanguinius, ferrus, manus, leman, russ, rogal, dorn, vulkan, corvus, corax, angron, marneus, calgar, ultramarines

Id: 7XGX64XfSkU

Length: 93min 24sec (5604 seconds)

Published: Sat Sep 16 2017

Reddit Comments

[u/Wireless-Wizard]

This was hit and miss. Uriah giving the Chaos sales pitch has of course been done before on the main show with Magnus, but I feel it worked better here. Overall I preferred the tangents towards broader religious themes to the review itself.

[u/Hero_Of_Shadows]

The Uriah segment fills me with faith that Lorgar will be treated very well in the episodes he appears.

[u/Anacoenosis]

I just want to state for the record that the Last Church is a terrible story. The Emperor (under the most obvious alias ever) torments an old man until he literally chooses to die in a fire rather than keep listening.

[u/Tyranid_Swarmlord]

I'm surprised that i sided with Big-E more on this one.

It's mostly everyone else who did those stuff(Lorgar THANKS TO FUCKNUGGET KOR PHAERON,Sangi wings uncontrolled mutation-that-happened-to-be-good unlike TS Flesh change,Ecclesiarch rampant cause stuck on the Goblin Throne).

Though he has (easy mode) called out Big-E's hypocrisy,Big-E had an alternative anyway via shoving them into the Webway.Uriah calling out Big-E's double standard to himself is prolly the only thing he got right.

Not really a fan of Uriah's "Chaos is needed cause everyone needs gods" angle.It's the exact same poison Kor Phareon peddled and sold to Lorgar(sold alongside 10/10 parenting)

I prefer Magnus' way of selling Chaos.Chaos is the psyche,Chaos has aspects of good and bad.He highlights how there are fucked up parts of Chaos,but there's great stuff with it too.

Uriah got dragged into Big-E's game,and trying to tear down Imperium as "just as shitty/even more shitty" option than Chaos is ok,but not as inspiring.

TTS Magnus never mentions that everyone "needs" to worship Chaos,or that things are meaningless without having worshipping Chaos.Its true that it isn't easy to kill(short of annihalating everyone),but it doesn't mean "auto worship" or else.That's just a retelling of fuck nugget Kor Phaeron's preaches "needing" gods,and i'm glad TTS Big-E shut that down by fixing the belief that a "god" is only "superior" because of the definition they give to it.

Won't deny thou,Big-E gets torched hard by Uriah.Doesn't surpass Rogal's sickest burn,but still close.

PS: Celebrating Adorbidor from now on.

edit: I shold read that book too...backlog growing even more fuck ;_;

[u/GhostKaiju]

The last Abrahamic Priest still lives as a Chaos Worshipper

I know that fits in the tone of Warhammer 40k and I will not for even a moment talk ill of Balthazaar007's performance as Uriah (Man has a voice to him), but I am not the only one dissappointed the character was reduced from a man of pure faith into 'Suave Chaos Priest', right?

[u/Xizorfalleen]

Yay!

[u/Avalon-1]

And I see the Custodes have recovered from their encounter with Pennywise.

Adorable is good with the burns "You have your custodians to do that for you"

[u/[deleted]]

This podcast will destroy the entire imperium. A chaos worshipper was given a chance to provide a fairly strong case for Chaos, ON A PUBLIC VOX PUBLICAE. That is an Inquisitorial NIGHTMARE.

[u/SpennyPerson]

That podcast explains why I play Word Bearers!