I Woke Up during Surgery. The Doctors Ignored Me!

I felt like I was waking from a dream I couldn't remember I didn't understand what was happening at first I was in a white sterile room and there were shadowy figures all around me slowly morphing from shadows into human shapes my first thought was that this was another dream a nightmare except I didn't feel like I was asleep anymore my brain was foggy but through my haze I realized that the people standing around me wore surgical scrubs and masks I attempted to lift my head but nothing happened I opened my mouth to speak but there was something in my throat and around my face I began to panic my body wanted to thrash wildly but not a muscle moved what had happened had I been kidnapped and forced to be a subject in some strange experiment the figures around me were speaking and I tried to make myself focus but the terror was growing the room was full of antiseptic smells and eeping machines then the shadowy figure closest to me said scalpel please that's when I realized what was happening I'd been brought in for surgery that morning to correct a congenital heart defect that was causing over circulation in my body I'd been terrified about the surgery for months but it was a medical necessity one of the last things my mother had said to me before the doctors took me back was Sara don't worry you won't feel a thing but I could feel everything the cool air in the room the pressure of the breathing tube in my mouth the surgeons hands as she swabbed an area of my chest even my eyes weren't under my control sometimes it felt like they were blinking rapidly sometimes they felt dry and Scratchy like I wasn't blinking at all I kept trying to move any part of my body fingers toes nothing worked the procedure had been explained to me ahead of time they would give me a paralytic as part of the general anesthesia so my body wouldn't be able to move reflexively on the operating table but I'd be unconscious and wouldn't feel anything but somehow I had woken up the paralytic had worked but the anesthesia hadn't I watched the surgeon come closer to me with the scalpel I tried to open my mouth but it was like every muscle and my body was made of lead I tried with all my might to tell her stop I'm awake but there was nothing I could do but lie there completely helpless I felt a slight pressure on my chest no pain at first the blade of the scalpel was so thin it barely felt like anything and then I could feel a sharp pain in my chest I was sure I was dying I had never felt pain that excruciating in my life the sides of my chest hurt and every scream I wanted to let out was silent then the surgeon used the other surgical tools each one felt different but they all hurt the smell of the room was terrible actually I felt more pressure and pain as they began to explore my internal organs well it was less painful once they were touching inside my body but the pressure the sensation of my individual organs being moved was terrible I was sure I was going to throw up that's when some survival instinct kicked in you can't throw up I told myself if you throw up you'll choke and you'll die I concentrated on staying calm I tried to think about my friends about school about anything except what was happening to my body but the sensation of the surgeon's hands as she touched my heart made it impossible to stay calm it was like something out of a horror movie I wanted to scream at them to stop I wanted to scream for my mother I wanted to scream and scream and never stop screaming and then I realized that part of the pressure that I felt in my chest wasn't just the surgeons hands it was the breathing tube which was only giving me one breath every couple of minutes it felt like there is a giant dog sitting on my open chest I couldn't get air into my lungs and I was afraid that even if I could breathe the way I wanted to breathing would make the excruciating pain even worse I had to make my body move I had to find a way around the paralytic to let the doctors know that I was awake and feeling everything I concentrated as hard as I could but each time I felt close to moving the surgeons hands would shift inside me in a new wave of panic and pain would hit finally finally I managed to twitch my hand at least I thought I did at that point I couldn't tell if I was just imagining it or not then I felt a hand on mine and I almost passed out with relief it was the assistant and if she'd seen my hand move then maybe she'd realized what was happening the breathing tube gave me another breath I drank that air gratefully hoping my ordeal was about to be over then I realized that the assistant was holding my hand in place not reassuring or helping me I heard her say to the surgeon this one's a little jumpy and they both laughed I had never felt such overwhelming despair and terror in my whole life I was going to die here and I was going to die in terrible pain I didn't realize it was about to get worse one of my eyelids was forced down and taped in place half of my world went black then the other half now I couldn't see the surgeons couldn't tell when they were about to touch me or cut me the machines around me started beeping and I felt a terrible chill like someone had dumped ice into my open chest my body began to shiver but I didn't know if the muscles were really working or if I was just imagining it my lungs were slowly being crushed by lack of air and I couldn't feel anything but fear I silently said my last goodbyes to my friends and family then something strange happened it was like I left my body and floated up to the ceiling my eyes were open again and I could see myself down there on the table could see my open chest and the mess of organs inside me the tape over my eyelids that horrible breathing tube down my throat I could see the surgeon and her assistant still joking with each other had I died was I on my way to the afterlife I didn't feel scared anymore and luckily I couldn't feel pain but what hit me now was a flood of memories like when people say your life flashes before your eyes as you're about to die the first face I saw it was my mom's I remembered those awful few months leading up to the surgery I had been so scared that the surgery wouldn't work that I would die on the table or afterward from a heart complication my anxiety had me terrible to be around it was mean to every one I never did what was expected of me at school or at home and nobody even tried to make me because they knew I was sick my mom was the only person who pushed me who made me do my homework and study for college admissions tests and do my chores as though she truly believed I was going to have a long full life but there was no guarantee and because of that fear I took all of my anger out on her by the time the day of the surgery rolled around we were barely speaking to each other but in the waiting room when I'd been shaking with terror she had looked at me and told me everything would be all right that I wouldn't feel a thing that she would see me on the other side I'd wanted to tell her that I loved her but I was too afraid and angry irrationally angry as though she was the one who was making me do this the nurse had taken me back to the operating room before I could get the words out remembering that now I knew that I had to live I had to live so that I could tell her I loved her and that I was sorry I looked down at my body lying on that table and I concentrated with all my might move your hand I told myself you have to move your hand it wasn't working I saw the body on the table as though from a great distance I could sort of remember what it felt like to struggle to breathe to feel the scalpel ripping into my body but all of that was slowly fading it would be so easy to just keep floating floating then my hand twitched once twice three times the Machine started beeping again suddenly I slammed back into my body on the table the pain was back the struggle to breathe but I didn't care anymore all that mattered was living through this an assistant was removing my breathing tube the beeping of the machines was a cacophony that hurt my head I could hear people saying she's awake and we have to get her back under they had figured it out someone was talking to me saying my name telling me to try to stay calm that I would sleep in a moment I was still terrified what if the anesthesia didn't work again or what if I did go back to sleep but I never woke up blackness edged my vision again but this time I let it take me when I woke up again everything was fuzzy it took me a moment to realize where I was and when I did I pay act thrashing on the bed afraid that I was still being cut into a nurse came and calmed me down and then a surgeon came in I was awake I told her I felt everything she looked at me with tears in her eyes and said how sorry she was that this happened to me she said it was very very rare and that I was one of the unlucky ones I didn't know what else to say in some ways I did feel like one of the unlucky ones but at the same time I was incredibly lucky to have survived tears welled in my eyes then started sliding down my cheeks I felt so confused and afraid until a face appeared in the doorway the one face that I desperately wanted to see my mom she hurried to my bedside and asked me what had happened I just held onto her and told her that I loved her and was sorry for all the times that I'd hurt her she said it was okay that none of that mattered that she loved me so much then I took a deep breath and started to tell her what I experienced the recovery from the surgery was long but I'm doing okay now I still have PTSD from my ordeal some nights I wake up in a panic thinking I can't move that I'm back on the operating table with the scalpel about to slice me open sometimes my body won't move or my voice won't work even though I'm not under the influence of a paralytic it's like the memories are so strong they can freeze up my body again but my mom has been wonderful through it all helping me through it I realize now how grateful I should have been for her all along after all it was her strength that gave me the strength to survive what do you think of my story please leave your comments below and don't forget to Like and subscribe for more

Channel: My Story Animated

Views: 1,836,181

Rating: 4.8719234 out of 5

Keywords:

Id: t0BML1hbqQM

Length: 10min 26sec (626 seconds)

Published: Mon Oct 21 2019