-This show is sponsored
by BetterHelp Online Therapy. Visit betterhelp.com/Padilla,
because sometimes existing is exhausting. My name's Anthony Padilla, today I'll be spending a day
with Jaiden Animations, the incredibly popular, beloved,
and vulnerable YouTube animator, to learn what it's like
to rise to fame and now, run one of the most popular
animation channels on the internet. By the end of this video,
we'll learn the truth behind Jaiden's leaked face reveal, and what Jaiden's future
really looks like. Has animating
for her 10 million subscribers been a wholly rewarding experience or has it come with struggles
and hardship far more cruel than anyone could ever imagine? -Hello, Jaiden.
-Hey, Anthony. -How do you think
things have changed most, since we last talked, two years ago? -I've just been tunnel-visioned on like,
"Oh, I want to make this video, so I'm going to make it." Then I'll be like,
"I want to make this video," and then I make it. Then here we are two years later,
you're like, what have you been changing?
I was like, "I have no idea." [chuckles] I'm just doing what I want. They already gave me
a real dog at that point, this was good for stopping me
before I started trying to ask for another because, boy, did I not take care
of the first one. I'm sitting comfortable, so I'm going to make
what makes me laugh and I like, so everyone else
can just hop on board or get out. -In that last video that we made, there were so many comments
from people being like, 'Holy shit. Jaiden face reveal." -Yes. [chuckles] -There were so many people that thought
that that was the first time you'd ever revealed your face. -I'm not out there or anything. I don't think
I've shown my face on my channel more than two times.
It's just for a second. I have it set up
where if you want to find it, it's out there, but you're not probably going to find it
on my channel. -It's like this way, you don't have to do everything in your power
to stay anonymous. It's like, "Yes, people will see it." You're a little bit more comfortable,
you're not always nervous. Also, it's not part of your brand. -When I was younger
and more self-conscious, sad [chuckles] I was like,
"I don't want my face out there." I'm too anxious, self-conscious,
didn't like myself. I was like,
"I'm going to not put it out there because it makes me really nervous." Now I've grown up
and gotten more confident in myself, and I still don't want
to have it out there all the time, but it's not as big of a deal. -You had at least two,
maybe three years on YouTube, where you never revealed your face at all. -Yes. I don't think I was worried
about what people would say because people on the internet lie
and will be like, "Oh, Jaiden, I like your stuff.
You're awesome." -You think people are lying
when they say positive things about you? -I feel like they're biased.
I want the truth. -I was like, "I don't believe them."
All of my feelings are the loudest. In my own head, I was very upset about it,
worrying about that stuff. -When did your face reveal finally happen? -The first time, I ever went to VidCon,
people are going to see me, so I need to just get over it and stuff. It was a really stressful VidCon, where I was very self-conscious
and scared. -That was your face reveal,
in a sense. It wasn't supposed to be for the internet. It was supposed to be
for the people there in person. -Yes. Then one of the people in the groups
was vlogging in my face and stuff. After VidCon, he was getting
the video together for his vlog. I was like, "Can we edit my face out? I'm actually
not that comfortable with it." They're like, "Yes, yes."
I was like, "I'll edit it myself." I edited it all,
it took a couple of hours, and I sent it back. Then he's like, "I think I'm going to put
the one with your face up." -Why?
-I was like, "Oh, okay." -Do they want to have the hot scoop, "This is Jaiden's face reveal
on my channel?" -They had,
"VidCon vlog featuring Jaiden." My name was first, and they put #JaidenFaceReveal
and stuff in the tags and stuff, and I was like, "Okay." You're really willing to burn some bridges
to get it exclusive. -I was self-conscious enough to be like,
"Oh, I guess I'm in the wrong here." -After this person leaked
I'll say leaked, your face, between that time period,
then you actually revealing it yourself, how long was that?
What was that time period like? -Half a year, six months. I felt awful. I was like, "Get used to it,
but I'm really not comfortable right now, but it's out there
so my emotions don't really matter." -You just have to deal with it. -Yes. It was just me
trying to come to terms with being okay, even though I was in a very early stage. -You're like,
"I have to be comfortable with this because I have no choice." -Yes, exactly. -Your official face reveal
was super vulnerable. You went into all the details
about what was going on internally, why you didn't face reveal,
how self-conscious you were, self-esteem issues, how you were going through
an eating disorder through that time period. At the end of that video,
you revealed your face for one second. Yes. Yes, one second. -I felt like I had to explain
why I didn't have a face reveal but my face was already revealed. Every person I met,
the voice inside me said, "You're such a disappointment.
You aren't good enough for them." I felt like I could feel
every single person's discontent through their embrace. All my things that I've been dealing with
or thinking about and struggling with and just explain the situation
a little bit, and be like, "Also, it wasn't my choice." -How did you feel
before pressing that upload button? Did you have to take a couple deep breaths in?
-I scheduled it and I left. -You didn't even think about it? -People started texting me like,
"Oh my God your video." I was like, "I can't look at the phone." -I've interviewed
lots of faceless YouTubers who have not revealed their face yet, and we talk a lot about
the anxiety surrounding that, but I've never actually
sat down with someone who was faceless at some point,
and then revealed their face. What was the aftermath
of your face reveal like? -Well, I think mine
is inherently different because it's not like,
"Hey guys, happy music, here's my face." It was like,
"I'm very depressed and I am struggling. Here's my face anyway.
I didn't want it out." It was a lot of support. It still took me a while
to get more comfortable in my own skin. I have a very shy anxious persona online, and that was true when I was 16 and sad. I wouldn't say that
I don't relate to that person anymore. I'm just a different person now. -Does any part of you wish
that you were still faceless? -Yes. -Yes? -Just having my little cartoon character and I would like people
to really just see me as that person. It's a double-edged sword. I really like going
to conventions and stuff and having fun on panels
and meeting fans and stuff. -Doing interviewers. -Yes, so I think the level I'm at right now
is pretty comfortable. -Where people can see your face
if they really want, but it's so not a big deal.
-They have to go out of their way to find it really. -How much of you has changed
since that video? -Not struggling
with an eating disorder anymore. I'd say I'm much more confident in myself, being around confident people
and people who have their shit together. I was worried that if I became
sure of myself and confident, I would be arrogant and cocky. I was terrified of that so I kept myself down
as being anxious and self-conscious. I found people
who have found the healthy middle and I'm like, "Oh that." -You cannot hate yourself
but then also not be arrogant. -No one told me that. -I have went through that as well,
where it was almost like the more confident I started to feel the more I started to get scared
that I was going to become arrogant, and the more I beat myself up
and made myself feel guilty and selfish and all these other things
just to keep me down. -When you identify yourself
as the shy, anxious, self-conscious person and you start working on that, it feels like
once you don't have that anymore you don't know who you are. -Then with your eating disorder, you mentioned a little bit
that it was like a little bit of control, that you were looking for
a little control in your life. -When I went to college
and realized I had to be a person, I was like, "Oh, let's see where I'm at."
I was like, "I hate myself." Controlling what I ate
felt like the only thing I could do. -I also dealt with something similar
where I was heavily into calorie counting, and seeing the numbers there
made me feel like I had control. I don't know what I was going through
at the time, but I felt like everything
was out of control, and that was the one thing
that I could grasp. -Look at my number. Look how low it is. That's a lot of control.
-See, I accomplished getting that number low. Do have any idea how hard it is
to do that? I did that. How did you get past that? -I dealt with it for x amount of months
and then I was like, "You know what? This sucks, I feel awful.
I'm cold all the time. It's summer in Arizona
and I've got a blanket on." -You just decided you're good with it?
--I was like, "Dude, I can't." -Was that a struggle stopping that cycle. -Yes, of course, but I was just like,
"I need to get better, otherwise I'll be stuck like this forever
which is unhappy." It took like many many years and stuff but it's gotten to a point where it feels
very natural and I'm pretty satisfied. -That sense of control that you had before you start to realize
that it controlled you. -It pops up here and there just like,
"Hey you want to come back? Life has been hard recently. How about you If you want to control something,
I got you. -Everyone who has had an eating disorder is probably going to have to
battle or manage for the rest of their life,
but it's at a good point. -What first got you into the world
of YouTube animation. -I used to be really obsessed
with Minecraft, 14 years old, I played every day after school
with my brother. Then one day, my laptop broke. I was like, "I need to watch Minecraft
if I can't play it." I typed it into YouTube
and I found Minecraft YouTube channels. I found this channel called iHasCupquake, then they started we're putting fan art
at the end of their videos and I was like,
"I want to get my drawing in their video." Then they put it in the video.
I was like, [gasps]. That was the highest
I've ever been in my life. They were saying like,
"We want to see if we can find an animator to do animated gaming content." I sent another fan art
and then I messaged. I was like,
"I could try to animate for you." They reached out and they're like,
"Do you have anything to show? Do you have any animations?"
I was like, "No." [laughter] -I drew something, tiny little whatever,
then they're like, "Yes, we'll hire you." -What were you doing?
Were you googling "How do I animate?" -Yes. [laughter] -The reason I was aware of animation was,
in my junior year of high school, my parents were like, "We need to figure out
what you want to do for--" -For life? -Yes. [laughter] -My mom's like,
"How about you work for Pixar?" They put me in a 3D animation class,
and I hated it, but I was still interested in animation
so I just typed into Youtube "How to animate." Then, I was like,
"Here you go a month later." The video hit a million views. I messaged them, I was like,
"The video hit a million views. Thank you for having me." They're like, "Yes, of course.
Do you want to do another?" I was like, "Yes." Every single time, I'm like,
"You guys shouldn't have fired me." It worked out, luckily. As I grew, I was like
"Oh, impostor syndrome. I don't know the ratio of people
who are just watching because I'm the iHasCupquake animator girl
or if they just like my stuff." -Was there a moment when you realized,
"Oh, shit. This could be my career. This could be a lifelong thing."? -When I went into college,
I had to put it on the sidelines. Halfway into the college year,
I was like, "This is too hard. I really want to do YouTube." I went up to my parents and I was like,
"Hello, parents. I think I want to quit college." -What did they say? -Well, my dad was really supportive. He's always been like, "I just want you to do
what you want to do and be happy." Then, my mom's like, "Okay, hold on. We need to make sure
you have a safety net." Basically just decided
I can take a year off to do YouTube full time. In that year,
if I can make X amount of money, then they'll be like,
"We have no reason to not believe that you can not support yourself." We didn't even get a couple of months in
and they're like, "You're fine." They've been supportive ever since. -What has been
your most bizarre fan experience? -This person found
my mom's phone number and would constantly call her saying like,
"I think I'm your long-lost son and Jaiden is my sister." -Your mom would know
if she had a long-lost son. -Yes. You don't ask the mother. [laughter] -Yes, that's where they [censored] up. -Yes. Dad had to pick up
and be like, "Stop calling." He's like, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I guess I'm not your son. I think I'm just in love with Jaiden." -Your most popular video
that you've ever made, it's your Pokemon Nuzlocke. -There's a set of self-imposed rules
you can add to the games to make them more challenging
called a Pokemon Nuzlocke. I definitely didn't expect it to blow up. I really liked
Pokemon YouTubers and stuff. I watched Nuzlockes all the time
and I always wanted to do one. I figured, "Oh, I do animation.
It's not really compatible." I was like, "I want to do it anyway.
[censored] it." I'm happy that actually, I think Nuzlockes
have started becoming more popular again. I don't want to take credit, but maybe-- -It's all because of Jaiden Animations.
Round of applause for bringing it back. How many hours
do you put into each video? How many hours does each
of your team members put into the video? -For the past Nuzlocke we did,
I recorded it in September and we posted
at the very end of December. It was three months of constant work. -I can see a lot of people being
"That is so much work." How could it be worth it
to put that much time into just one YouTube video? Then you see your video
has 66 million views. -It's also just I think it's fun.
I enjoy it so I'm willing to do it. -What do you think have been
some of the toughest moments of having so many eyes on you
at all times? -Before, it was a lot of
imposter syndrome. I was very self-conscious, anxious,
depressed, and stuff so it was a lot. Now, I'm like, "It's just how it is." -You don't become obsessed with
"How's the video doing?" or "What do people think of that?"
-No. I know I have
a very addictive personality, so if I start trying
to obsess over numbers and try to optimize and stuff, first of all, I really can't
because of animation. Second of all, I just get sad. I'm not going to even start
going down that path. -You mentioned that you've been journaling
a lot more lately. Has that been helping you as well? -Yes. I've always journaled when I've been
at very detrimental points in my life like with the eating disorder,
with the face reveal, with various other things. Just journaling
and writing down my thoughts because I keep everything to myself, and I'm like,
"I'll figure it out by myself. I'll get over it by myself.
Other people can't help." I also feel like, since it's my problem,
other people can only give their opinion. Journaling helps me get more in touch
with what I'm thinking. -When you get thousands of these different
small little feelings all building up, they have nowhere to go
and they just sit there within you. -I felt like the tendency
to just take one thought and think it over and over and over until I finally
have figured it out myself, and then, I'm like, "This is the emotion. Now, I got to stop feeling that."
I'd push it away. Now, I have dissociation problems. -How's that working? -I feel very numb [laughter] but I'm working on it. -You still have a pile building there
but you're slowly chipping away. -Yes. Writing it down
helps me figuring it out, also therapy, of course. -Before we continue learning
about the world of Jaiden Animations, there has been rampant, lewd arts
created based on your character. -I haven't said anything,
and you're crazy to think that I would. -I wanted to let you know that you can watch the first episode
I do with Jaiden over two years ago
by tapping the link up in this corner. It was actually
one of the first episodes I did in this entire series ever. If you want to blast to the past,
and you want to see how much has changed, you should check that out. We've also got
a podcast version of this series that's optimized, so you could just zone out
while you draw, or animate, or just to make your inner monologue
"Shut the [censored] up." for 20 minutes. I'd also like to thank
BetterHelp online therapy for their continued partnership. Therapy has been super helpful
in shaping who I am today by allowing me to have empathy
for my younger self and therefore
understand my current self better. Therapy can be customized
to whatever is right for you, and can be really useful
in providing tools to help with motivation
or feelings of depression, anxiety, stress, insecurity, or whatever else that you
might have specifically need. BetterHelp has been continuing to improve
throughout the years and screens all therapists
to ensure that they have experience, are certified, licensed,
and provides customized online therapy that offers video, phone,
and even live chat sessions with your licensed therapist. You don't have to see anyone on camera
or you can speak over the phone if that's not something
that you're comfortable with. Therapy can be expensive. The price of finding a therapist
that you like and actually click with
can get overwhelming which is why BetterHelp
offers a more affordable alternative to in-person therapy where you can start communicating
with your therapist in less than 48 hours. Thanks again to BetterHelp. We're giving
I Spent A Day With viewers and listeners 10% off their first month
at betterhelp.com/padilla. That's betterH-E-L-P.com/padilla. Now back to the world
of Jaiden Animations. -There has been rampant lewd
and X-rated art created based on your character. -I would agree. -It is so rampant that there are
videos out there people saying, "This is too much. This needs to stop." Have you ever talked about any of this? -No, I haven't.
People have thought that I have. There's rumors.
People say, "She said this. or, "She said this."
I was like, "You're all wrong. I haven't said anything,
and you're crazy to think that I would." -Because if you bring it up,
then it draws more attention to it. -There's the people who know about it and are telling me
to say something about it, there's the people who are making it,
who are aware of it, and then there's the general audience
who doesn't know. Why would I talk about it
and just make them aware of it? People think that I have a choice on,
"Hey, let's take it all down." That's not how it works. Would I encourage it? No. Do I want it? No. Do I have a choice? No. I've talked to managers and people
who are connected to Google and I'm like, "Can we do something?"
They're like, "Let me check." They'll come back to me
and be like, "Nope." I wish that children,
and my family members, and all my friends
can't find it immediately. I just wish that
it wasn't so easily accessible. The people who are making the videos, really they make me
a little bit more upset because they're pretending
to take the moral high ground on, "This is horrible," when they're the ones
who are really profiting and benefiting. You can't pretend to be the good person
in this scenario. To put it lightly,
I don't really appreciate it. -How do you choose
what to share with your audience versus what to keep private? -Even though I have told a lot of stories, I think I still am as private as possible. I've focused a lot
on my personal and IRL friendships and people that I genuinely care about. I will share things with them. The internet is not a place
where I want validation, or need it,
or care about people's opinions. -I get my feelings hurt sometimes
by negative comments, of course. Thank you so much
for leaving some of those down below, but then also, I feel really good
when I receive a positive comment. I realized that if I'm going
to give weight to any of them, then I gave weight to all of them. I need to give weight to none of them, which is hard because I'm like,
"I want to show appreciation of people that do the positive things." You just have to numb yourself
from all of it so that the hurtful stuff
doesn't hurt you. -It's very addictive to just go all in, but it's just like it's people that,
of course, I am very appreciative about [burps]. I see your social skills
have only remained top-notch since the last interview. -Thanks. -You just burped? [laughter] -Of course, I am very appreciative
of all the support, and people that are very nice
and supportive. In the grand scheme of things, no one's opinion on the internet really
is super valuable to me personally. -I could see some people saying like,
"Oh, that's harsh. I'm a fan and yet you don't
necessarily care about my opinions." The truth is, that's-- -That's parasocial baby. -It's parasocial. -No matter what you think, I'm like, "I'm always going to be
just a little bit different. People will never fully
be able to see me as a person. It's always the idea of Jaiden." -What's next for you?
Do you have big aspirations and plans to do something that's just astronomical
out of this world? -I just go video to video. We just finished a big project
which was the Anime intro. I think it's the coolest thing
that we've made. I'm really just trying to enjoy
the time that I have here, make it as long as possible on a very growing
and non-stopping platform. I don't have plans to leave, but just I'm going to make
my silly videos, have a fun time,
maybe make people have also a good time. -Anna wants to know
if you still like thauthe on your patha. [laughter] -I had a lisp as a kid. Then I said that I had a lisp,
and people bully me now. -Was that one of your fans bullying you? -I said that was something I was bullied
by my family about. Then people were like,
"Let's continue that. Let's keep doing that."
-Anything you give to the internet, any weak point, people are like,
"We like weak points." -This was permission.
She served it on a silver platter. -What do you think
is the biggest misconception about you? -That I'm still very shy, anxious. Maybe when I was 16, but I've been on here
for like six or seven years now. I've learned the ropes and I'm all good. You guys don't need
to get mad about people for me. -Do you feel like you've been boxed
into the persona that you had when you first started? -Yes. I think it makes sense
because for like five or so years, that's how I really was,
but since I've developed confidence, I'm more sure of myself,
I've figured things out, gotten more over anxiety and depression
and stuff that I was struggling with. I wouldn't say
that I'm a completely different person, but people keep assuming
that I'm still like that. People really don't know me to my core
like my friends and family do. -You got five seconds a shout out
to promote anything you want directly into that camera. Go. -Shout out to my team and not Ari, subscribe to AnthonyPadilla I guess. [laughter] -That was the most raving review
I've ever had. Well, there you have it.
I spent a day with Jaiden Animations, and I feel like I understand her
a little bit better. One thing that really stuck with me is how important it is to not rely
on outside sources for validation because whether you find
something positive or not, it can really start to eat at you
and speak more loudly than your own voice. I really commend
Jaiden's creativity and strength as she shares these
deeply vulnerable experiences for millions of people to relate with
and apply to their own lives. -The reunion of team 66% Vegan by the way. I want to tell you all the story
about what happened at Mr. Beast's 100K Youtuber Battle Royal. Two of the three people
on our team are vegan, so we decided to name ourselves
66% Vegan. We are team 100% Vegan now.
-100% now. -Take that, James. -Took out the anchor. -Yes. Thanks for winning me
33,000 by the way. -Oh, easy. [laughter]
