I quit without giving notice (my tech burnout story) 3 years later // my burnout diaries

so it's been a while since I've done one of these talking style Vlogs and I want to start making Vlogs on my journey into simple living and appreciating peaceful moments in life and I thought it' be a great idea to start this series off by sharing my burnout story and also because it's exactly 3 years since I've left my corporate life behind so it's a full circle moment I don't know if this is what people consider full circle moment but like for me feels like a full circle moment like everything just aign Stars Al line um and more importantly I feel like mentally I'm ready to share my story so hopefully my story can help someone out there maybe it'll resonate with you I don't know um if it doesn't that's okay treat it as entertainment and I just wanted to share this story if you yourself are burning out or is already burnt out maybe it'll give you an idea of what it's like to burn out I just just wanted to let you know that it it will get better so much better um you will get through this just follow through it's a journey it's a process and you just need to take the time you need everyone's going to be different to process through everything but here's my story so to give you a little bit of context I've been working in the tech industry for over 10 years uh as a software developer software engineer um so I started off as a junior developer and you know when when you graduate you have this like ambition that you just want to like do something and Achieve something so I you know I did what everyone did you know kind of take on more roles and more responsibility over time and uh climb that corporate ladder so over time I got more and more responsibilities and became a senior software engineer and the higher the corporate ladder I climbed um the more I realized that it was stressful so development for me I love coding I love the problem solving part I love building something it's like playing with Legos the part that I didn't like and that stressed me out and ultimately I think what led me to my burnout is the politics the higher position I got the more I felt like I have to have an opinion and I have to keep climbing and it was just very stressed and I I I don't want to make this video about why Tech caused me to burn out maybe I'll make a video in the future about that but I I do think like every industry is different and everyone is different so I was so stressed as I climbed that ladder not that I wanted to but it's always like you know your manager always wants you to like do more do more do more and then like if you don't do more you're seen as a non-performer so in the last year prior to me quitting corporate life I actually switched three jobs two times three jobs in one year and that was during the pandemic you might be thinking oh maybe it's a pandemic I think the pandemic was actually not the main issue everyone was like oh Andrew uh pandemic you must be so isolated living alone I was like um welcome to my natural habitat this is how I like kit I I like being alone I'm I'm a super introvert and I just like being you know so it wasn't that big of a change for me and I was able to connect with friends online FaceTime whatnot so it wasn't that big of of a change the only thing that I think contributed to my burnout was maybe the gym so working out is huge for me I found that working out and physical exercises help me regulate my stress level um quite a bit because yeah it's just a great way to like you know release your stress anger on the weight and then that was gone because everything was shut down during the pandemic so maybe that had something to do with it I did try to do exercise at home it's not the same but I did try my best and I also did calisthenics at the park outside that was cool cuz you know gave me a new opportunity to learn something new so now now I do calisthenics when the weather's nice as well so which is good so pandemic wasn't the big issue I think the politics really took a toll on me and so that final year when I jump from job to job to job I thought that it was that job that made me feel off so that's why I just kept on jumping the first uh so out of that three job so I got into that third last job after the honeymoon period of like maybe two three weeks then kind of went downhill and I thought okay you know what maybe this problem space just wasn't for me that was a a devops kind of role so on call culture was very thick I didn't like that like being woken up at 3:00 a.m. no it's like how do you solve problems like when you're like half asleep anyway so there's a lot of issues with that role on top of the politics so what happened was I then jumped on to another job so I saw say there for like four no three months three four months something like that and I jumped onto another job for like around the same same time five months or so and then I realized okay you know I don't like this so and then I jumped again to a different job in a totally different uh problem space that was the job that ultimately put the nail in the coffin for me and I'm glad it did in hindsight I think everything happened for a reason so that job was very stressful I was put onto a team that was just pure dysfunction in every letter of the word and I just couldn't do it you know like I was there for 3 months I didn't even finish my probation and I had to quit I just had to throughout my entire career I'm always very cognizant of making sure that there's something lined up before I quit because like not only do you get the best negotiation with the new company when you're still employed but also it's just a good track record on your resume so I always like thought about these things but that last job it was so stressful that every morning I would tell myself it'll be a better day things will be better today and you know and then you go in you're like to a point where so I wear my Apple watch to to meetings uh or like throughout the day and like every time I go into meetings my heart rate just spikes as if I'm doing exercise so Not only was my mental health like not good my physical health was actually really bad the worst that I've ever had in my life so there was just so much stuff going on and one day like I broke I I woke up did the same you know kind of self-affirmation today will be a better day today will be a better day and I went into a meeting with my team and again I just like 10 minutes in I'm like oh my gosh I can't do this I can't I try my best to pull every ounce of energy through my body to push it through you know and to be honest like I don't even know where that energy came from or that optimism came from it just like no bueno you know like just just leave but I did so that day I after that 10 minutes I'm like okay guys I can't do this so I went straight to HR at that time a manager was on Matt Le so I I couldn't go to my my manager so I went straight to HR I'm like look I'm really sorry but I can't do this anymore my mental health is is not good so today will be my last day and that's how I quit I thought I was crazy at the time I still do because like who does that right especially like for me I put a lot of pride in in the work that I do so I always want to make sure whoever that I'm working with my team my projects everything is pretty nicely round it up before I leave so like even when I go from job to job I don't just leave a project hanging or a team hanging but that was the one time that I didn't care about anything I just knew I needed time off I just need to get out of that situation health over everything and that's it like no no butts no negotiations I don't care um like I didn't even think about like okay where am I going to get like references when I do become ready again like I just didn't care about any of these anymore um that's how bad it was and I'm so glad it I did that uh as crazy as it sounds it sounds so crazy so that's how I quit and after that so it's been 3 years the recovery phase from what I can identify splits into two the first phase for me was the first year year and a half that was the phase when you're regaining your energy so I didn't have the motivations to do anything exciting like no nothing like and plus like pandemic I couldn't really travel so there was no urge to you know go out to explore to do anything all I did was just like going through the motions of like waking up making food go on my computer watch some TV I was simply existing and I think that was a necessary phase because in a way it was for my body to heal itself it was good because had that not happened my physical health wouldn't have been able to recover so yeah so my physical health slowly recovered and the the health issues that I had slowly went away and I started feeling better gradually and then I started gradually doing a bit more learn how to ride a bicycle which is good it's kind of embarrassing to say you're like 30 something and you only learn how to ride a bicycle but hey you got to start somewhere um so I did that so that was the first phase like giving my mental health my physical health the time it needs to to heal and then after that I think especially in the past year for me is when I truly became more aware of the baggages that I had because I started thinking back and be like why was I so stressed what caused me to feel that way or what caused me to behave a certain way and also like starting to unpack all the baggages even before corporate like you know childhood trauma and just starting to like have the energy and and mental space to unpack all of this um which is very therapeutic because that's how I feel like I've grown so much in the past year as a person just being able to have the mental space to process through all this now I know it sounds very Rosy and you know like oh maybe you should quit your corporate job too no don't do that I'm not advocating for you to quit your corporate job if you're stressed and stuff like that I think that's a very personal decision for me I'm very grateful to be in a position that I was able to do so fin financially I've been saving up quite a bit prior to that like naturally I'm very frugal so I tend to save a lot of my income and that's what allowed me to not have to worry so much about the financial aspects so I think this is very personal decision for for everyone and you know not everyone's in that position so I'm I'm very grateful for that and I definitely don't take that for granted at all but because of that cushion I was able to just drop everything and just focus on on my mental health and that's the thing that I want to express is that at the end of the day mental health is so important because if you're sick and you cannot function like that's an issue that's why saving has always been a big part of my life because I know that I cannot function like that like a robot forever and I'm glad I did that and now I'm just so grateful for the experience um of the whole burnout journey and that's why I am very into living a simple life like frugality is one aspect of it but also like just finding the peaceful moments in life you know and I think recognizing that throughout my life What mattered to me most was just appreciating the simpler things not to say like simple living is no living like also like minimalism you know some people get always like get so caught up in like oh minimalism but you still buy things it's like well minimalism is very subjective right like minimal for me is not minimal for you so I think for me like what's important is like just to find peace in life appreciate the peaceful moments life doesn't have to be so complicated you know it's not all about climbing the corporate ladder making more money or like buying more things like for me it's not about that it's about the experience the people around you you know and that's why I want to like take this Vlog my channel my Vlogs more towards that direction of just sharing the peaceful moments with you guys and just finding the peace in everything like maybe watching paint dry cuz that's therapeutic so like if you're like watching paint dry subscribe I'm just kidding no I don't know maybe like you know like simple things like that can be interesting um relaxing cuz I think it there's a lot of stress in this world especially like being in North America it's a whole bunch of like work culture um and sometimes we get lost and that's okay right like if you're not lost you won't be able to find yourself what's that saying you need to be lost to be found yeah anyway so that's that's my burnout story and if you are experiencing burnout or is already burnt out I just want to tell you that you will be okay everything will be fine breathe and listen to your body your body has a magical way of telling you what it needs and just be kind to yourself because you have a whole lifetime ahead of you and quite frankly like I think a lot of the problems are problems that can wait you know if a project gets late that's okay put yourself first take the sick days focus on yourself because I think that's one thing that I didn't do enough is I felt bad for taking sick days and that's not something you should feel bad about mental health is health so take a sick day take it all I don't know how many sick days you have take it all don't lose it you know like don't don't feel bad about it I think that's important so take take care of yourself so going forward yeah I do want to make more content towards the simple living relaxing Vibe I think now that I'm like out of that burning out phase I feel more energetic to do things I feel more um excited to do things like I started vlogging again making silent travel Vlogs it's like a form of art I don't know it was an experiment just keep on doing you be kind to yourself always always always hopefully if you like the vibe of relaxing and peace then you know where to find me I'm going to keep on making that content but thanks for watching this video I know it's crazy long but I hope to see you in the next one cheers

Channel: Andrew Xu

Views: 89,760

Keywords: andrew xu, simple living, lifestyle vlog, relaxing vlog, calm, slow living, simple living vlog, slow living vlog, day in life, day in life vlog, burnout, tech burnout, as a software engineer

Id: 2mkLE6rxoEI

Length: 15min 39sec (939 seconds)

Published: Wed Jan 31 2024