"I miss the old idubbbz"

for a while I felt like if I changed my content over time that people would see that as a reflection of who I am and what I value but I I'm starting to realize that that is a very weak and passive way to you know run my channel and live my life so I I think it's you know if I'm gonna have the balls to go to Tana's fan meet up and say slurs at her and then make a video about how it's okay to say slurs I think I should have the balls to make an apology video and take accountability for the mistakes I've made so that's what this video is I've realized that I need to be crystal clear about what I believe so there's no room for ambiguity I am responsible for creating a lot of hurtful and damaging content on this channel and I've also created a culture of uh apathy and I don't know a lot of like cruelty as well like you know some of the videos I've made have been very not edgy I don't think they they you know some of these videos were edgy I think they were just outright cruel so I don't want people to you know get it confused about you know where I stand I have made some cruel hurtful content and I need to acknowledge that and I'm really sorry that it's taken me this long to acknowledge it the content I'm talking about specifically are content cop videos and videos where I was just generally criticizing people for very lackluster reasons and uh you know obviously didn't have any accountability online whatsoever on my end I was morally grandstanding and acting as if I am any better than any of these people that I was making content cop videos on and I'm not I'm a human I'm a real human who makes mistakes and you know I make a different set of mistakes than the people I was making videos on but it doesn't matter I don't think anyone deserves that level of Cruelty or hate it's also indoctrinated a lot of people into thinking that this is an okay way to behave and it's not it's it's super irresponsible and shitty I am very insecure about my ability to create interesting content or like entertain uh it's gotten better over the years but it's something that I have struggled with constantly and it's one of the reasons why I you know kept making this hurtful content you know I I ended up pivoting it into other things because I you know I felt bad about it like innately um but it's still something that I struggle with and I don't want you to interpret that as an excuse but I hope that that is relatable to other creators who maybe struggle with the same thing uh I'm not confident in my ability to entertain and I think if I had to rely on my personality uh to entertain people that I I wouldn't I wouldn't have any amount of success and that is uh really hard to come to terms with I was being very bigoted in a lot of my videos and I Justified it because you know I didn't think it was too serious and I thought that people were going to see that I had good intentions you know but that's so silly you know casual racism is still racism casual bigotry is still bigotry and you know I said a lot of things that uh I I look back at and I cringe now and I'm like that is an awful thing to say it doesn't matter what my intentions are like if I'm hurting people I'm hurting people and you know who the [ __ ] knows what my intentions are like I sarcasm and like uh jokiness and jokey tone only goes so far especially over the Internet even in real life that's like an impossible thing to know with 100 certainty I've just always had this dumb philosophy that I'm not responsible for you know my audience and uh how they behave beyond what content I put out and that's stupid and it's it's led to a lot of hate and a lot of bad outcomes and uh I just want to make it clear that I am absolutely responsible for my audience and uh you know I guess if you want to you know look out for people who are red flags it's definitely people who had my mentality that say I'm not responsible for what my audience does I know that this apology isn't enough I I've clearly done a lot of damage you know these videos have been up for a long time and and have accumulated millions of views I shouldn't be able to just make an apology video and walk away from it this is something that I should live the rest of my life with and I expect to I've profited off of this bigoted content for years and I've made a successful career out of it and that's not right I think that this is only a step in the right direction and I know that a lot more needs to be done to even approach um a life that I would think would be like uh acceptable I am running ads on this video and any revenue generated from this video I'm going to match and donate to an organization that you know would have been particularly affected by the type of rhetoric that I've been spewing on this channel and again this isn't the end of what I'm doing this is just the start I don't feel like a lot of this content represents me as a person uh at least not anymore there was a time where it probably perfectly represented me because I was a nasty apathetic insecure person now now that I don't feel like it represents me and I want to distance myself from it and keep it from you know indoctrinating more people I'd like to unlist the videos so that people you know can access them still for whatever you know purposes they might want to do that for um but it's not being proliferated on the website I I feel like that that's the best solution at least for the time being and for anyone who liked those videos I you know I want this video to be an example and a lesson for you you know you can like content but you can also think that it's irresponsible and it's hurting other people so just tap into that part of your brain that's saying like oh okay it's like it's probably not that important that this video stays online because truthfully I've seen it I've experienced the content but it's done a lot of damage we we can just let it we can let it go I'm sorry to everyone that I made content cop videos on I I still don't like the majority of you and that's fine but I can recognize that you did not deserve the hate and harassment that I sent your way I particularly want to apologize to Tana Tana I'm sorry I shouldn't have never made that video I harassed Hannah in person and then harassed her online and that's deplorable Behavior it's so stupid I'm also sorry to all the black viewers and minority groups who had to put up with that video and put up with you know the phrases I I said either it's all okay or none of it's okay and that's just so dangerous and stupid I have made content that I am proud of over the years it hasn't been as consistent as maybe I'd like it to have been but you know there is a lot of content that I think had a net positive on the world and you know I'm gonna strive to continue on that Trend uh but again I'm not I'm I'm absolutely going to continue to make mistakes but I want the mistakes to be a lot smaller and a lot less serious I also want to give some clarity to the post-fight speech that I gave I mean it wasn't a speech it was a phrase I was like you know I'm not I know not everyone's cup of tea but I I really do uh appreciate the support and um uh you know thank you for coming that was addressing the people over the years that I neglected and I left behind you know the people whose feelings I you know didn't take into consideration those are the people who I was addressing as I know I'm not everyone's cup of tea anyone who thinks that I should be shouting the n-word from the rooftops I don't want to be your cup of tea now I want to talk about events and situations that have happened over the past five years of my life that have led me to the place I'm at now one year I was at a convention and a bunch of fans were you know wanting pictures and this particular fan came up to me and said I know you probably don't like transgender people but can I you know get a picture that smacked me in the face I was like oh holy [ __ ] why would you think that but I mean it was fairly obvious I was being cruel hateful bigoted and uh being very uncaring about people's feelings that is a very fair assessment to make I was giving this person bad vibes and I think I've given a lot of people extremely bad vibes another event that was very important for me to experience was I went on a boxing podcast I was basically like trying to walk back my Tana content comp you know I was still very like insecure and uncomfortable with the fact that I made that video and uh but I was still coping you'll see me struggle in this clip to you know say that it was wrong so I just wanted to uh let you talk on that right because obviously uh using the n-word is definitely frowned upon by a lot of people especially by a non-african-american but I was just curious that was a very weird video because I wanted to like criticize her for her like sort of flagrant use of it I've been pretty flagrant about it too not in the same way um and uh I thought there was a message to be to be shared there and um I don't think it was particularly it was okay in criticizing her but I think it like I probably wasn't the person to deliver the message if that makes sense there was a message that I was trying to put out there and like I'm not really the person to put out that message I don't regret making the video I think you know there's there's uh bits and pieces to take from it that I think are valuable uh but you know I probably wouldn't make it these days I'm very grateful to those guys and how they uh broach the subject because you know it didn't put me on the defensive it just made me realize like I'm stupid I'm stupid and I really need to like acknowledge these things like like what am I doing I'm still trying to make excuses for myself and like you know why I made that video it's like it was a dumb idea I harassed someone I was saying slurs and I was trying to justify it all a very big thing that has sort of altered my view on all of this is just the amount of hate and harassment my wife Anisa has received over the years uh she's had to deal with it from the beginning of our relationship and I have done a horrible job at acknowledging her and her feelings for it I a lot of the time I just thought that that was that was her problem or that was um you know other people's problem like it's not my problem that you're getting hate and harassment and it's like no it absolutely is you know that's the culture that I cultivated and I you know didn't do anything to change that you know over the years it's changed a little bit but you know I don't think I've still fully acknowledged how how responsible I am for the amount of harassment that Anissa has had to deal with and this year I decided to speak more candidly and and be more open about who I am as a person and to speak on my life a little bit more and I did that on Anthony Padilla's podcast these are the people that I'm attracting these are the people that I'm entertaining like I need to reevaluate things they are relating and enjoying this content for a reason and that's not maybe the same reason that I'm trying to make I had a very wild west mentality when it came to online Behavior like people are going to do what they want to do you're going to say what they want to say and I can pretty much do the same because it's the internet but I think you have to be a lot more responsible if you guys are at all interested in how I've arrived here that video gives you know a good bit of context and talks about some of my life a little bit there is a clip from this interview that's been floating around the internet and it's me calling my fans anti-social and basement dwellers and I was like I didn't like you know interacting with my fans I just want to be clear like I that was my realization I think a lot of people are like of course that happened is because you were creating that culture and you were attracting those people and it's like yes I know I know now I didn't know before it was my realization upon you know meeting more and more fans that I was like oh [ __ ] you guys are are struggling it was easy for me to identify them struggling when they were outside of my body but the anti-social basement dwelling in cell that was inside here I I couldn't acknowledge that I couldn't recognize that so I needed the mirror to be held up to me in closing I want to say that I have always thought that I was an empathetic person because I thought well I get angry I get sad of course I got empathy seems easy right empathy I definitely have that there were moments where like a dog would die in a in a film and I'd cry so it's like of course I have empathy but I never did uh I think only in these past couple of years have I gained the ability empathy and I'm very ashamed to admit that it sounds it sounds really pathetic to say at the age of 32 I've acquired empathy but I have and I've realized it because I just like can't help myself but uh like feel for other people's pain and suffering now I'm still not perfect I you know I I think that is uh you know my empathy meters only maybe like a quarter of the way filled up potentially but it's at least there and I just want you guys to know that you can unlock ability empathy if you you know experience more life it might take you getting hurt a little bit but uh it's worth it it is so worth it so thank you for watching everyone I do want to create more regular content and um you know I don't want to just have the next five videos be apologies so I I have uploaded a squirrel video on my second Channel if you want to watch that I guess there's one final thing I just want to thank everyone who's given me the space and the compassion to grow as a person because it's taken longer than it probably should have I appreciate everyone and I think most importantly I appreciate my wife Anisa she has been insanely uh compassionate and helpful and patient in uh you know allowing me to grow over the years and has has legitimately encouraged me to be a better person and not a better person and just like the you know idubbbz becoming woke kind of way she has she was the one who said that I should try this boxing thing I would have never done that on my own because I was insecure and I was pathetic I did this and I am so glad I did uh it's been amazing so Anisa I love you you're amazing right now you're streaming uh but bon voyage toodles

Channel: iDubbbzTV

Views: 2,709,929

Keywords: i miss the old idubbbz, idubbbz, idubbbz fight, idubbbz vs alex wassabi, idubbbz tana, idubbbz wife

Id: iRkCfOuW_u0

Length: 17min 26sec (1046 seconds)

Published: Thu May 18 2023