I can't stop thinking about this girl defined video

this book is not God it is only as valuable as as you let it be and that's a good [Music] thing's [Music] a so I can't stop thinking about this girl to find thing I really can't I really I can't think about anything else I have a little bit of background in religious studies but I am by no means like a fundamentalist deconstructionist expert so this is probably not the video to watch if you want to Deep dive but if you want to know my thoughts on the girl defined madness here we go part one but can you use it in a sentence how do you describe girl to find girl to find are a blonde Texas sister Duo running like a girly pop girl boss Christian Ministry YouTube Empire thing right it's like blogs and book ebooks and sales for classes and conferences and all that stuff they are problematic to say the least and if they look familiar it's probably from the codyco and Noel I think Noel Miller reactions to girl defin a couple years ago and it went super viral if you are like rubbing your hands together like a little super villain right now it's probably because you did a deep dive on girl defin on at some point in your life probably around that time but you haven't really been keeping up with it in which case oh boy are you in for a treat and if you are someone who has kept up with them then this is probably not the video for you to watch because you've probably already seen educated people doing like 2hour analyses on it so there's not going to be anything new here but please stay be my guest welcome because this [ __ ] is absolutely [ __ ] insane and I haven't been able to think about anything else for like two two days two full days like part two definer 29 the evangelistas girl defined are Kristen and Bethany who lets us call her Bethy she is fine to be called Bethy and they are Christians and sisters and they are from Texas they are often talked about in Fundy circles Fundy is like a short term for fundamentalist fundamentalism fundamentalist religions are extreme interpretations of biblical or religious practices it's almost always dangerous and almost always harmful so there are a couple really great like Fundy snark kind of channels or you know ex Mormon fundamentalist channels that we'll talk about um however the thing about girl defin is that they've they've never been very like clear or specific about what brand of Christianity they are actually practicing like like what like what Bible juice they are snorting is always been a mystery to me clearly like an Evangelical like Southern Baptist I don't know enough about baptist to say but like I don't know they've never been super specific about it except that they were in a video honoring the Ducker mom so that's their Vibe right this sort of in the vein of the Duggers quiverful they have like seven siblings they're very into like biblical Womanhood and biblical manhood and biblical marriage and biblical toaster ovens and biblical Bibles it's just it's all like biblical in the word of God we'll get to why I'm rolling my eyes in a minute but Bethany recently was in a video where she mentioned that they used to go to what did she call it she called it a regular non-denominational church is exactly what she called it and regular non-denominational Christian Church sounds like it means very chill nothing specific come and go as you please no no hardcore rules here no no no right Bella no that is not the case while like technically officially on the record if the cops ask you non-denominational churches do not ascribe to any specific brand of Christianity like Baptist or Catholic or Presbyterian or Lutheran or Methodist or Orthodox they don't like officially Vibe with them but unofficially the Wikipedia page literally says like denominational congregations non- denominational congregations vary in size worship and other characteristics so like it just is its own thing always associated with Pentecostalism and evangelism and they're they're often charismatic or Neo charismatic a lot of mega churches are non- denominational you know overlaps with like a lot of protestant religion Lutheran you know Presbyterians Episcopal there's a lot of common practices you know you get a lot of speaking in tongues a lot of feeling the Lord wash over you and they're also very big on like the word the Bible as most Christians are however this does tend to unfortunately lead straight to fundamentalism and then back around which is kind of where we're going here hold that thought that is where these two are coming from from and they make internet content about that where they shame women for being sexually broken they teach you how to be modest and cute you know how to deal with your horniness and how to properly repent to your parents about how much you masturbate stuff like that they're very like biblical Womanhood biblical blah blah blah and they basically made headlines when Cody Co and Noel Miller made a reaction video and the reason they were so so and the reason they were so funny to react to is because they sort of infamously both waited until they're wedding day to have their first kiss to each their own but like that's insane they talked about that in a video and that is that's the money shot I'll play it here if I can find it because Zach and I did the same thing and now we've been married for seven years they both did it they both that is sort of what propeled them into like the more mainstream public Consciousness and then they crop up every once in a while now if you are in any kind of EX Christian adjacent YouTube rabbit holes so that's the cliff notes that's the cliff notes on girl toin um oh no that's not the end of that's not the cliff notes because I also have to introduce you to Dave this is Dave Dave da a v no e at the end but it is pronounced Dave and Dave is bethy's husband Bethy met Dave some time before they got married and he was is but was like a little like cute little ukulele playing boy and they were two Christians who waited till their wedding day to have their first kiss so they're very physically awkward and everybody started these rumors that he went to conversion therapy which he denies and kind of has always denounced conversion therapy so good on you Dave it's beautifully awkward I guess you could say they get married and Bethy gets laid part three Bethy gets laid so Bethy gets laid right and this changes the trajectory of society for the next 5 years because Bethany realizes that she like many women who were raised in Purity culture does not understand her body or you know relationship Dynamics and does not understand sex and and has a lot of Hang-Ups and feels very uncomfortable with sex because she was never taught to explore that and then on top of all of that there's just like mountains like mountains of Shame Beth's I think Beth's like six foot there's like four bethy's worth of Shame within within Bethy the poor like it's it's it's so sad like Purity culture is is just horrific it is so damaging and so violent and so toxic and I feel so bad for Bethany but that does not stop me from holding her accountable for spreading that message and harming other people with it for years that was not nice anyway she has this Awakening and she's like oh my God you know what I need to do I need to start a course so she starts I think that it's called the intercourse if I remember correctly but she definitely like her her page is like the intimate wife she starts a course she's like I am going to teach other Christian women how to enjoy sex within the confines of Godly marriage that's important I think that Rachel oats like took the course and did like a whole Deep dive like into the course CU I remember watching it so yeah she definitely I think took the course um but you know Fundy Fridays also has great videos about you know that era of girl defined and a lot of the other insane things that you know happen in this universe the girl defined universe so I highly recommend those but that kind of brings us up to where we are today right which is that Bethany is happily married to Dave without a KN they have one or two kids I think two and they do this like Vlog style interview okay a couple weeks ago with another Infamous Fundy couple Paul and Morgan now Paul and Morgan we're not going to talk about Paul and Morgan too much because Paul and Morgan Paul and Morgan are not running a Ministry Paul and Morgan are running a YouTube channel so they they are absolutely trying to be famous and are trying to stir the pot and I don't want to give them any more time of the day because it's pointless anyway we're not here to talk about Paul and Morgan we're here to talk about Bethany and Dave because boy oh boy this 24- hours interview you guys we really might have been wrong about which which girl defined sister was the most brainwashed because I have never seen Bethany look so relaxed I have never heard her speak with such maturity and such resp respect for the people around her I just like it's a Bethany that I'd never seen before and I was just so shocked by it and like I knew that her views on Purity culture had been changing because obviously she's out here like sex is great within marriage but I I was surprised to hear that her and her husband now go to a Lutheran Church right and it's not just her behavior that's fascinating it's it's the things that she's saying right she says at one point whether or not Dave is questioning Christianity or following her strict belief system she trusts him because he will go directly to the Bible directly to the word to find an answer and that's a huge thing I think to recognize because despite being like super focused on the Bible and the word and God like her and Kristen quite literally read a passage out loud about how women should not Adorn themselves in braids and gold jewelry while wearing braids and gold jewelry and then they just followed it up with but this is talking about the sex workers they didn't say sex workers but that's you know what I mean they just regurgitated whatever they were given that's not in the Bible just like the word homosexual was not in the Bible until the 1940s anyway that was wild enough on its own to just see her Hawking anything other than like Purity culture [ __ ] but the real kicker comes when they're sitting at the dinner table right cut to cut to the dinner table interior fancy house in southern Texas for white Christians and a bottle of coke they're talking about haters which we should clarify the like Paul and Morgan's definition of a hater is like somebody's saying I really hope that they do well like I really hope that they're happy Paul and Morgan's definition of a hater is anybody who disagrees with them or wishes them well because Christianity is built on shame and you have to feel like [ __ ] and hate yourself and be struggling all the time but to be fair girl girly does get treated like [ __ ] online like Bethany and Kristen really definitely do get it and I like I can't imagine what it must have been like to be them when that codo video was popping off that must have been [ __ ] awful Bethany mentions that it doesn't make her feel great when Dave her husband interacts with and sort of befriends these people that disagree with with them online and that are her haters she's like I don't love it when you when you do that which is fair like I get it and so Dave starts to defend himself by being like hey not everybody on the Internet is a hater not everybody who comments is wishing you ill not everybody is sending death threats obviously don't interact with those people but like some people really are just trying to have a conversation and asking questions and wish you well Paul and Morgan are like actively trying to convince him that interacting with people who critique your views on the Internet is bad full stop but they don't have any justification for that because you don't need to know the Bible to know that offering compassion to your enemies is very Jesus coded like you right like turn the other cheek like you don't need to know the Bible inside and out to know that but and they're just like well they're threatening my life and he's like don't interact with those people obviously and he's just like he's just on it he's just like spitting facts I think is what they say what they say he's just like being so calm and like an absolute lesson in confrontation or what do they call it conflict resolution man knows how to have a conversation like he should run a business like I hope he does and the whole video as a whole kind of led a lot of people to say that oh I think Dave is deconstructing and deconstructing basically if you don't know it's like taking apart a computer or taking apart religion right they call it deconstructing because you kind of tear off all of the things that don't make sense and you understand like where how all the beliefs are supposed to fit together and why when someone tells you that red is blue it feels like [ __ ] right like that's kind of what it is most people get to the end of deconstruction and abandon the strict practice of that religion sometimes they still keep their faith a lot of people are still Christians after deconstructing the harmful problematic aspects of it but a lot of people when you cuz when you get down to it when you really when you do when you break it down when you really tear it apart like it it just doesn't make sense like when you really start reading the Bible looking for answers not just guidance or standards you start to see how contradictory it is and you you really start to understand that like this was just written by man it's not God's word it was written by Ben right to be clear I never deconstructed I was never in like an indoctrinated kind of strict religion I was raised Catholic so like I've got all the shame but I like I never made my confirmation I was never like a hardcore sort of believer um however there was a point in my life when um I was sort of like melting down and losing my mind about my life and my place in it and I just kind of threw my hands up and I was like Jesus Take the Wheel quite literally like I guess I'm going to read the Bible I picked up this Bible the King James Bible by the way since I'll never live that one down I was like [ __ ] it you know like Hail Mary pass maybe there is an answer in this book which brings us to part four my girl defined era I'm sorry I guess this is a good time to tell you about my girl defined era it there there was never there was never going to be a perfect time was there look okay I had a girl defin face I was not introduced to girl defined via the codco video I was introduced to girl defined organically like I just the algorithm brought me to them the god in the machine really said this is what I think you need right now and at this point I had not been a practicing Christian for many many years and also I'm gay like like I don't think I was ever at like a severe risk of of falling into Evangelical Christian modesty culture I don't think we were ever I don't think that was ever on the table to be fair but I I did I did find something very comforting about watching their videos in an ASMR Finance bro kind of way like I think there was something really comforting in their security and something so alluring and attractive about watching these videos and just being like God like how easy would it be if life really was this way just full fantasy escapism I think because like how easy would my life be I I thought at the time if my only concern concern was whether or not I'm pleasing God like what if that's all that I had to live up to was like don't have sex and like and read the Bible like that was like you know go to church and ask an old lady if there was a a single man around and and I could just meet a random man and be like hey we're both tired of being single and let's get married and not have to do any of the other the other complicated stuff and just be like I'm dedicated to God anyway it's all just doesn't matter we can just be ready for a Godly marriage and it'll be fine which is not true like obviously none of that's true that's not how life works for the Evangelical Christians or everyone else it it that's a fantasy but I was very attracted to the fantasy and I found a lot of these Christian influencers and Christian podcasts around this time and I had also recently read the book of longing it's by su monk kid I do highly recommend that book um it's a fictional historical fiction about Jesus and uh his fictional wife um it's very good and I was reading the Bible and amidst all of this midnight mass comes out right and so midnight mass comes out and that show fully made me think I needed to go back to church I wasn't looking for God but I was certainly inspecting all of the products of his Reign right anyway you know how that ends I spiral into Snape wives and the history of the devil and now we're here and I am not interested in Christianity as a spiritual practice or an escape pod and that is the real glow up anyway I'm saying all of this because when you read the Bible the way that it sounded like Dave was reading the reading the Bible you do start to recognize that like at least if not especially for the New Testament it's just a very very contradictory collection of stories and diary entries more less and you really start to understand that God's word is not the appropriate title for this book like it's not God's word it's man's word it's written by people and that really reframes a lot of the pain and stress and anxiety that the contradictory book causes in you when you realize that like this does not hold any magical Authority in itself like this book is not God and it's not God's word it's God God's followers words and it is only as valuable as as you let it be and as valuable as you want it to be and that's a good thing for religious people and non-religious people if I have taught you nothing else here it's that you can read anything into anything and that includes the Bible there is like a gay sex scene in the Bible if you look hard enough the idea that Dave in the world of Paul and Morgan Bethy and Kristen Christian fundamentalism the idea that Dave is like possibly seems to be deconstructing was a big deal that's news on its own little did we know part five Dave is not a Christian anymore and Bethy doesn't care this is not on my 2024 bingo card not at all not even a little bit bit I swear to God like Bethany Bethy Bethy Beal of all of all the fun never I'm not like a fan of judging real people's personalities based on like they're on camera itself because I think we all know that we're like a little different on camera and you know if I can't come at it from like a place of pure compassion to decades later then like I'm just not going to really get super involved with that um she says before she uploads the video essay about Twitter um anyway no but this is just like insane this is an insane thing they Dave and Bethany basically make this like reaction or not even reaction response like this response video to you know all of the comments on the Paul and Morgan video about like is Dave deconstructing is Dave a Christian d d and Dave is just like nope like I'm not I'm not a Christian cuz people were apparently coming at Paul for saying that Dave is not a Christian and Dave had to be like that is not an insult that is a true thing it's a truth it's a true it's a true a true that he said he said a true it's a Dave and eth that we've never seen they are so mature and so like respectful of each other and listen to each other so well throughout this video and they're cute like they're cute they're like a cute little couple and it just it just makes you realize that like so many of these you know fundamentalist like Christian cultures your life doesn't start like until you like are married like you can't like you don't like move out of the house you don't really get to grow up up until you're in a marriage and you just realized like how young they were even though they were they weren't like teenagers but they they they were like stunted like emotionally and mentally from you know having to wait until they got married to think for themselves and and function on their own and and so like of course they were physically Awkward on camera like of course they they didn't know what they were doing of course because they like you're not even allowed to touch yourself like you you think you're like getting used to what it feels like to hold hands with somebody or like just be next to somebody like no absolutely not like as some it's so wild was just so nice and just it was just really wonderful to see them like clearly having grown emotionally and spiritually sharing their like truth of themselves like is one of the rawest things that I've seen between like like the dinner table conversation this video like just the honesty like they don't even cut a lot of it like they really just like they leave in a lot of silences like in a way that you I just like I just was floored by um I cut out when I paus too long between words but they like I don't know which one of them edited it but like they really like they let you sit in the silence and like Tak in the weight of what a what a big deal this is for them because it I mean it's a bombshell like no other and it's got to be like just an absolute wrecking ball to you know her and Dave's life I mean they have two kids like and they talk about deconstructing like they use the word and you know everybody kind of assumed that's a dirty word deconstruction is like a boogeyman it's a big scary thing because a lot of people are deconstructing because the the the system doesn't work like it just doesn't it doesn't it's not compatible with being remotely happy in the world in the year of Our Lord 2024 so and Bethany openly admits to deconstructing certain parts of her faith and and they talk about how they're handling that as a family and like how they're still like he's still doing chrisan devotional with his you know his kids and his family in the morning he's just chooses his words differently and he likes that his like son is still interested in learning about the Bible and they can still talk about it because we know Dave knows the Bible and Bethany I think it one point she says I don't want to be anywhere else I want I only want to be with you like but I particularly want to point out this moment where she is like I think reading questions or just talking about it and she's like possibly deconstructing parts of her faith but at the end of the day she just she likes being a Christian like she just said she's just I like she just say she likes it and like like nail on the head like that's it like that's that's that's the thing like that's fine one of the danger of the sort of psychological hold that these high control Evangelical sort of religions have on you is that they convince you that your way is the only way to be and that you have to make everybody believe the same way and it's not trust that Jesus will love everybody you have to make sure that everybody loves Jesus like you have to get those souls and it creates an US versus them and it makes you antagonistic and inherently distrustful of people who are different than you and when you're inherently distrustful of people who believe differently than you and don't appear interested in believing in your beliefs you don't get to know them on a real level you don't see them as people you see them as projects you know things to save unless somebody in these people's lives is deconstructing it's not that they often are in a position to know somebody who believes differently right to know and love and care about somebody who thinks differently and once you do once you do already love someone it's you start to realize how little the belief in Christ part actually matters they talk a lot about integrity in this video and Bethy just had to realize like there's no way that Dave's not getting into heaven whether he believes in Jesus or not you know like behavior and action are tangible real things that impact your real tangible life not the sort of fictional perspective possible afterlife or you know the picture of a life of a Godly woman or biblical Womanhood that you're trying to paint is that that image is in congruent discongruent in congruent with reality it's not compatible and it's just absolutely wild to see like this sort of deconstruction in real time right it's not like a how I deconstructed or like my like deconstruction testimony right like they're not coming to you after like a thing that's been happening and is continuing to happen and and they're not even making like clickbait how to deconstruct 101 videos uh I mean they might they they just they really just are are real regular people going through a really complicated psychological shift and they seem to be handling it with a lot of Grace and dare I say integrity and respect and vulnerability and it it's just beautiful and wonderful to see how confident they are in this in themselves and and I think that it's going to shock them and everyone else how much sort of support and and Goodwill I think that they will get in this Interfaith Journey that they have going forward which brings me to my next Point part seven like are they still homophobic though yeah probably proba probably almost definitely like they Rome wasn't built in a day you guys they probably do still have horrific dangerous views about gender and I'm sure Kristen is still losing her [ __ ] mind over the fact that they put rainbows on baby bibs in Target and I'm sure that they are still in whatever ridiculous rhetoric and and lies they are teaching them over there about trans kids and trans people and I just I'm sure that it's a it's a nightmare I'm sure that they are still calling people sexually broken for having sex before marriage I think that they are still probably judging people for ridiculous things I'm sure that they are definitely still awful right I'm not going to say that I don't care about that that would be absurd that would be AB absurd to say that we can flip the script and suddenly they're angel I I want to recommend the Zelf on a shelf sort of just girl to find Saga because Dave and Bethany have watched their videos so they've kind of back and forth uh and it's very cute and it's very exciting they make a point to talk about you know it's not their fault that this is is the indoctrination and the the kind of high control group that they were born into it's not their fault and their actions are their responsibility I think Bethany is going to have a lot to reckon with when she really starts to understand the damage that she did with what girl defined has been doing for years uh something that they Sam and Tanner mentioned in their self on a Shelf video is that it's okay to celebrate the winds along the way and the truth is that the the the Christian church has has put centuries of effort into perfecting the art of indoctrination and into justifying these hateful views and and it's it's a lot and at the same time um I think Daniel metinic young is a uh cult researcher and a Survivor and she makes these Tik Tok videos where she knits and talks about cults and she often talks about the really high exit costs of being in these groups and by really high exit costs what she means is losing your friends and family sometimes losing your home losing your place to stay losing your community losing your job like there's a lot there's a lot at stake when you start to break off from these groups and the the brand of Christianity that that these people have been tied into is very close and tight posting this online and and you know putting it out there in the world that like Dave is not a Christian is really going to impact their everyday life as well as their jobs in the internet and if they're making this change and if they're considering deconstructing anything it's coming at a price and ideally yeah they would have paid the price a long time ago and you know fixed all of their beliefs or whatever but the world is not ideal and we can't expect them or anyone in the world to unpack 30 years of brainwashing in a day or even in a month or even in a year which is why I I really recommend the Zelf on the Shelf videos because uh they are both ex Mormons and so they have de instructed and they have an extreme amount of empathy for Bethany and Dave and uh you and also talk about their own experience and just you know talk about how harrowing and how really difficult it is to un untangle these things and so I think that you know Bethany Paul Morgan maybe Kristen and their home F and everybody are hopefully just by virtue of having Dave in their life and loving Dave in a position where they can start to understand that maybe you do not have to believe exactly as they do in order to be loved and be worthy of love and maybe then things can start to change for everybody that's what I hope I hope that everybody can let go of the painful beliefs that they have what can I say I'm a I'm a big proponent of radical compassion okay I if you haven't picked up on that in the Channel with the exception of Jordan Peterson and Ein Rand I I just I've just I just feel like we need to approach you know people with Grace and compassion and empathy I don't know not if they've hurt you please don't I don't want people to misunderstand me you don't have to approach people who have harmed you physically specifically mentally emotionally spiritually or harmed anyone you've loved you don't have to approach them with compass passion and empathy you you do not okay you don't have to do this it's probably best if not everybody does and I don't always I don't know if what I'm saying makes any sense um I feel like I'm rambling now but yeah I just I don't want people to be like Biz condones homophobia and Purity culture because she is happy that Bethany and Dave are happy like I just don't want that okay homophobia bad Purity culture bad I'm so tired it's so late okay I'm wrapping it up I'm done I don't there's 8 billion people in the world okay we've got we have to figure out how to live on a planet with 8 billion people who have different thoughts and opinions without fighting all the time we have to figure out a way to do it I don't know what that way is going to be I don't know how we're going to do it I don't know if I'm doing it the right way if you are capable of doing so when possible and appropriate and safe for your mind body and soul I think that compassion and empathy are the way to go so this whole Saga for me at the end of the day is a a move in the right direction it was very entertaining I have had a wonderful a wonderful week I really hope that Bethany and Dave make some really fun gay friends I I will be your fun gay friend um I hope that none of you cyber bully anybody and I hope that Kristen stops being so afraid of rainbows I think her life will be so much easier yeah that's it be kind in the comment section and thank you for coming to my pillow talk [Music] bye there's [Music] Hills [Music] I found it easy that it must be me but if you quiet all Su can hear we [Music] little boy in Sor but I just come when I'm called out by the P asks me why I never so Mom would never look at [Music] me I my word at I broke the r oh the things they should tell you make you choose so I try to stay awake in between the off dreams [Music] ofer say the little boy in story I [Music] just P asked me why I never told look at [Music] me my [Music] M ask I don't even I stay awake in the mountains try for think the boy in story I just when I call out the why I [Music] never at me I said as mom look at me the [Music] what okay

Channel: biz

Views: 37,084

Keywords: Girl defined, biz Barclay, dav and Bethany, girl defined deconstruction, Bethany Beal, Zelph on the shelf, fundie Fridays, girl defined Paul and Morgan, deconstructing

Id: m4pLeoVY09A

Length: 40min 9sec (2409 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 11 2024