I Bought Kingdom Come Deliverance in 2022

i've just seen that there's an achievement in this game for becoming an alcoholic that would be my goal if this turns into a series for the end of this series i want to be addicted to alcohol i want to be part of the 0.38 i will become what i was always meant to be my parents i bought kingdom come deliverance in 2022 and it's one of the most fascinating games i've ever played firstly it puts you in control of a straight white male not many games offer this kind of unique cultural perspective secondly you are just a normal bloke not a dragonborn elden lord or witcher no you're unremarkable henry still living with his parents and going out drinking with his mates that's where a lot of people give up on kingdom come because they want escapism in their video games they want to play a jacked six foot four alpha male with a carry weight of 300 kilograms a horse-sized penis and naturally flawless skin that doesn't require you to moisturize daily to be fair henry does look like he has quite soft skin so at least he ticks one box it's a new dawn a new day in our small town of skalets so let's seize the day by sleeping till noon my mom wakes us up for lunch and wow what a baddie she is honestly i'm so mad this is the 1500s as washing machines didn't exist back then so she can't get accidentally stuck in one and call for my help i take a look around the gaffe and for some reason 90 of our furniture is apples so i shelve about 40 of the bad boys and then head out i go see my dad who is disappointed he didn't pull out 20 years ago but honestly i can't blame him just look at henry's mum who would have he's given me a list of things to do for the day so i head off to the village but before i get any of it done i see it my must-have fashion accessory for 2022 the straw hat the game unfortunately won't let me barter for it so i knock out old mae in broad daylight i take the hat and his money and don't i look cute now brimming with newfound confidence thanks to this hat i visit a dude who owes my dad some money i attempt to negotiate hoping he will respect me in my straw hat but he straight up refuses to hand over any money i don't like to do this but i'm forced to take it into hand-to-hand combat but it would appear the straw hat didn't give me any stat boosts as this dude proceeds to beat me like i'm a 40s housewife i even try to run away but my man's a savage and chases me down until he gets that ko i'm broken paralyzed on the floor so i do the only thing a man can do in this situation shelve some more apples and run back to my mum to get a plaster i actually saw recently that the company had started selling plasters in different skin colors because when you're bleeding your main concern isn't to stop the bleeding it's of course to be represented correctly so kudos to them fixed up and ready to go i met the boys down at the boozer where we decided it would be funny to throw poop at this german dude's house he didn't do anything wrong it's just this is the 1500s and everyone was racist so we didn't like him another group of lads comes running over to defend the innocent german because they're progressive if there's one thing we don't like around here it's progressive thinking so me and the lads get in a big fist fight and i make the tactical play here to step back and dip out the action to let everyone else have at it before i jump in when they're all tired also known as being a [ __ ] we catch that dub not because any of us are actually good at fighting but because these other guys were just substantially worse it was like fighting three cody garbrandt's next up on my dad's list was buying him a picture of ale so he can drown his sorrows in alcohol rather than spending time with his son playing catch it's okay because my daddy issues are soothed here by the fact that barmaid is actually henry's sweet lover bianca it's on me today you can pay me back this evening oh here you go and this evening i'll have something more for you oh you'll have something to look forward to this evening yeah you've already reiterated that point mate he promised to teach me how to use a sword what use would that be to you you'll see later this evening see you this evening see you this evening i've got something special for you is it this evening i hope you'll thank me properly later this evening i'll see you this evening bianca i'll have something for you in the evening bianca remember we're seeing each other this evening so i don't mind me i'm just stealing your onions but i'll see you this evening bianca ale secured and a semi from that dirty talk it now seemed like the perfect time for some sword fighting lessons my parents don't actually know i'm taking these lessons so i've got to keep it low-key i'm sneaking around like an american woman trying to get an abortion in 2022. after a solid 10 minutes of sword fighting with each other then getting into the arena and actually doing some sword fighting lessons my teacher leaves me with these wise words but i make sure to follow carefully and the main thing is to use what you've learned in real combat there's nothing better than experience so yes sir what no we were friends you told me to test out in real life situations ah ah i was just trying to test out a real life situation mother mother mother maybe next time you think twice about breaking the law wait what the [ __ ] is happening hello the village is being burned down and i'm in here who's raiding us what's happening your most valuable fighter is stuck in this prison cell someone get me out oh [ __ ] the door's on fire it's gonna burn down and we're gonna burst out and save everyone no [ __ ] way oh my god i died in jail holy [ __ ] [ __ ] this time around i don't commit assault and instead head back to my dad to tell him about my day we have a real bonding moment as he forges a new sword for our king because he's the local blacksmith just as i feel i'm getting through to my father for the first time in my life our little town unfortunately gets raided by an army much greater than ours my dad hands me the sword and heads into town to save my mum as she was at church because she's a good christian lady he's actually a beast and fights through everyone until this bald dude takes him down everyone else then has a go on my mother and wow what lucky lads they are they chose the right day for a raid this is like a real batman style plot except henry isn't a genius billionaire he's a vulnerable uncoordinated dude in his mid-20s at most he could be a low-grade weed dealer i tried to run to the castle but they closed the drawbridge wow real sense of community here leaving me out to die like i'm some sort of peasant i'll have you know i can hold more apples in my inventory than any of you could ever dream of i've been swindled but they tell me to ride out to town bug and warn everyone there of what's happening so that's exactly what i do i really love this game's commitment to realism i'm attacked on my road so i go hide in a bush and i'm then catapulted out of said bush and left in the air falling forever i hate it when this happens in real life does anyone else remember call of duty elevator glitches and did anyone else actually try to do them in real life because me and my mate always tried at school crouching next to some sort of object and thinking that one day we would magically just start floating up in the air the closest we ever got to that was when we started experimenting with drugs in someone's kitchen i can say for certain that this come from us chasing the thrill of elevator glitches in call of duty the moral of the story is playing video games leads to doing drugs i eventually make it to townberg despite my horse's best efforts to take the award for the slowest gallup ever seriously if this was cheltenham races it would have been taken around back and blasted in the head with a double barrel shotgun before it even got out onto the tracks the people of tamburg welcomed me with open arms they're a wholesome community of people they gave me everything i could ask for apart from maybe a platonic back rub because that ride was tiring ol may sir robert even takes me to the kitchen so i can fuel up as he thinks i'm hungry little does he know i still have 20 apples stored in my colon i also think he just meant for me to have a bowl of soup or something but i completely ransacked the kitchen of all its food including the bread rolls and cheese which was a staple of the 1500s i've even got my own little cosy room but clearly no one told my roomies i was moving in as i feel like i might have interrupted something here don't let me stop you gentlemen if you were going to make sweet love on the living room floor please continue don't worry about the noise either i'm a loud and proud kind of guy myself when i use public restrooms i don't put toilet paper in the water to suppress the noise i in fact do the opposite i bring a megaphone with me to amplify my splash noises and assert dominance upon all the other stalls i catch a little bit of sleep but can't really rest too well as you know my family and friends were murdered about 10 hours ago as if the lord intended it himself a middle-aged baddie walked through the door into my room that hair braided and tucked behind her ears the dress covering her ankles and the tasteful nipple piercings this may be the perfect woman i know bianca hasn't even been dead a full day yet but the best way to get over a previous relationship is to dive head first into a brand new one trust me maybe the evening is back on not quite the evening i had planned but this evening is back to being an evening i've put the straw hat back on oh it's an evening my darling tell the story of the raid bro i'm not joking they've been having a conversation for like 10 [ __ ] minutes what just listen to you talk about your husband for 10 minutes for you to leave [ __ ] there's a straw hat why did you take it off henry i really thought that was heading somewhere romantic but she proved to be a self-respecting christian if i'm lucky and we keep getting to know each other maybe one day she'll show me some earlobe before we get married who knows i get woken up again a few hours later and honestly at this point i'm fuming i've had a high key stressful day all i want is my 8 hours but apparently that's impossible anyway we're all awake to greet sir radzig the king of my old town skalets good to see that his tactic of hiding in the castle and drinking wine while all of the villagers died really worked out well for him that morning we also see the army and more specifically the ball dude that killed henry's parents the devs really captured this evil ball dude so well he looks like the kind of guy that only sends dick pics using the wide angle lens you guys have got it easy the wide angle is such a life hack back in 2016 when me and my girlfriend got together phones didn't have a wide angle lens you had to be way more authentic with it using only natural advantages like good lighting and shadows and a bit of photoshop to add an extra three inches ball dude is like yeah it's so rad sick here boys i want to kill him our dude is like nah mate not see him leave us alone and he actually does wow what a result we now need to return to skalets to bury our parents but robert tells us we're not allowed to leave all of a sudden he thinks he's my dad just because we cuddled in bed last night i devise a michael scofield-esque plan to escape i'll grab a lockpick steal a guard uniform and walk out like it's nothing this plan however has more gaping holes than your mother the first one being that i don't actually have a lockpick and can't afford to buy one either because the only cash i have is from that villager i knocked out earlier for the straw hat i have to scour the castle until i eventually find a valuable silver goblet so i just slip that in where i'm hiding these 40 apples and sell it now with my one lock pick in hand i was ready to commence operation escape town bug and bury my parents i have one lock pick one chance one opportunity sees everything i ever wanted very easy okay hello what the [ __ ] okay i'm gonna look at the help section oh my god okay i gotta find the sweet spot when it turns cold okay it's gold here no no no no no no no no [ __ ] can i not just escape the castle like this raise the alarm he's trying to escape no no i'm not no i'm not don't raise the alarm oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] leave me alone all right henry you have to swim can you swim henry i wish i was able to swim [ __ ] jesus you gave me the run around all right so that went nowhere back to square one i wasn't really sure what the plan was now that was until i remembered henry's one secret weapon despite having some of the worst hand-to-hand combat skills i've seen since i made those two cerebral palsy kids fight each other at my school henry does actually have an incredibly deadly submission game his standing rear naked choke puts the likes of charles oliveira to shame so i find a secluded guard choke him a little too hard for him to get turned on by it and take his uniform off i go on the long walk to skalets because i'm an idiot and forgot to bring a horse with me as if things weren't already depressing enough it then starts chucking it down with rain my parents couldn't have picked a worse afternoon to be buried on on my trip i do actually take down a couple of bandits who are trying to loot the dead bodies as that's unethical to make things right in god's hands i loot the bandits then loot the dead bodies myself to truly restore the balance of good i arrive home and it hits me harder than unexpected i even find my dearest bianca stiffer than my pain was for her young love that died too quick and never bloomed i didn't even get my chance to show her my warhammer collection that would have certainly secured me a pre-marriage over the trousers handy as if my week couldn't get any worse a group of bandits come along to steal my sword i stand my ground but get the [ __ ] kicked out of me as expected at this point this trip has been a huge mistake i just want to go back and curl up in bed and have robots scratch my back as i'm taking my last breath about to pass away right where my parents did kind of poetic teresa a local girl from the village is here to save me and she's brought back up my life has been saved as she cuts me off back to her father's meal and tends me back to health what a simp she does have her earlobes exposed so she's not quite as self-respecting as that woman i met in townberg but still it's better than my back-up plan which was to have a little night to myself with bianca's cold body i get up out of bed and have a look around the local town i feel like i possibly could have died back in scallops because i'm in heaven right now all i see is good christian women doing laundry it's my perfect scenario if you did enjoy then all i ask is that you leave a like it really does genuinely help with the algorithm and all that stuff pushing my channel out there more and subscribe if you find yourself coming back here a lot a big thank you as always to those of you who have clicked join button and become a member of the channel and a big thank you as always for watching the video i love you all and i will see you in the next one bye-bye i just want to give a massive shout out to my mother love boys and above bjorn van den hatta zyphen productions thank you guys for your support [Music]

Channel: Voiy

Views: 536,573

Keywords: Voiy, GeorgeVoiy, Funny, clips, highlights, gameplay, moments, comedy, kingdom come deliverance, kingdom come, kcd, kingdom come deliverance 2022, warhorse studios, kingdom come deliverance 2, rpg games, kingdom come deliverance ps5, kingdom come deliverance bugs, I Bought Kingdom Come Deliverance in 2022, kingdom come update, kingdom come deliverance xbox series x

Id: 4IPxNLO9qyk

Length: 13min 20sec (800 seconds)

Published: Sat May 07 2022