Husband Won't Take Plan Seriously

thank you for joining us America Kate is in Tampa hi Kate how are you I'm okay how are you better than I deserve what's up um I'm in charge of the finances and my family it's my husband and my two year old daughter and myself and I bought the financial piece planner actually can't attend the classes because my husband's the military and I'm a teacher and it's just too late during the day and I was sitting down with my husband going over it and explained to him and try and set up a budget and you know talk to him about it and he makes jokes about it and I'm really I'm really fearful because he is being deployed in October and we're very deeply in debt and I just don't know how what to do to get him to take it seriously and I'm a big part of it because I don't know how to tell him though so I'll let him buy stuff or gotten by and stuff because I'm not good at telling no how old are you guys 29 and 30 well you know here's the thing I don't know exactly what you say to him but here's the message that you need to deliver that you have no desire to be his mother mm-hmm I don't be your mother tired of being your mother you're not a little boy you're a full grown man and I need you to act like it and a full grown man who's willing to put his life on the line for the sake of this country also should put his life on the line for his wife mm-hmm somebody's telling that yeah okay I kind of bordered on that cuz I've broken down into tears over the amount of debt we have and living basically paycheck to paycheck and I'll think oh good last six hundred dollars left over at the end of this month and I'm trying to put your finger in the dike you're trying to put your finger in the dam that's leaking it's going to bust and run over the top of you because you two aren't working on together he's screwing this whole thing up faster than you can fix it mm-hmm because you won't tell him no and he's acting a little boy and he needs to be a man mm-hmm now he doesn't need to become a nerd and do the accounting he's not going to do accounting you're by nature more accounting and nerdy than he is mm-hmm so you're always going to be the one that writes the checks but you don't need to be the only adult in the house mm-hmm and that's the way this is going down am I being too blunt I know that's everything that I see that I can't tell him then you need to tell him mm-hmm honey you're getting ready to be deployed I have no desire to manage life by myself while you're deployed or while you're here I desperately need you to be a man and stand up and help me make these decisions for our life it's not funny and it's not cute that you won't do a budget and you run around saying mama won't give me money is you know what are you 12 yeah they call me the office commander this job series well since I won't let him have money so well they are a bunch of children mm-hmm that he's working with and they've got some growing up to do too mm-hmm and that's what you're facing here so he's got to man up hmm I mean I we work with military all the time it's a bunch of young guys and they're studs they're awesome young gals they're awesome people and they put their life on the line for this country and we appreciate them on the one hand on the other hand some of them do stupid on steroids hmm it's like because they're they're so manly in their warrior self that when they get home they have to be a little boy and they can't do that you're not the off-base commander I don't want to be your off-base commander I didn't marry somebody that I wanted to manage so I'm telling you pick a fight mm-hmm that's what I'm telling you because here's what's going to happen if you don't five years from now seven years from now three years from now you're going to have had enough and the switch is going to flip and you're going to leave and there won't be no getting you back because you won't you you will go over the edge on this relationship I've done financial counseling for 30 years I've met so many women that their husbands wouldn't and up they wouldn't man up they wouldn't man up they wouldn't man up and finally she's had it and you can't reel her back in for nothing she's gone because once you've had it you've had it you're right mm-hmm I've seen it I've seen time and time again you've been married you've been married six years haven't you I for one you got all the symptoms mm-hmm you got all the symptoms you're the right age group and everything and you got it three to five years before this blows up on average if you don't fix it you can hold your breath you've been holding your breath all this time acting like it's all okay and you're walking around being the only adult in the house and you're carrying all the fear because you're the only ones being responsible and he's had a line kid oh I'm telling you you don't put him on the phone I'll talk to him he's still at work okay well you can tell me as a new jerk in his life and it's me as much as I love him and appreciate him for defending this country I'm also going to take him to task on his husband skills cuz ain't there now if you can't get through to him and the two you can't have a conversation that brings him around you need to go see a marriage counselor mm-hmm you know we've done that before and it seems like he doesn't he doesn't respond he'll sit there quietly and not say anything so it's a one-way conversation which four makes me even more upset to end up just walking away because I can't deal with it and I do everything on my own again and then I look at our bills and our outgoing money and then and then again you reach the end of your rope and you call me hmm and then again you're gonna reach the end of the rope but my point is you're gonna reach the end of your rope one time and there won't be no getting you back so you need to tell him you need to tell him that he's on a path to you know we're on a track here the trajectory of our marriage is that it ends mm-hmm and we don't know that's not tomorrow and I'm not threatening you but you need to get the idea here Bubba that we're gonna have to work together we're gonna have to both be adults because I'm completely done with you being a little boy hmm call his manhood out mm-hmm cuz I am yeah that's your only shot because this is not going to get better and this issue gets better in your house and I can't I can't make him grow up and you can't make him grow up he's got to decide to go okay she's serious this is no longer cute it's no longer something joke about what my buddies at work that she's the commander I'm not going to talk about that the base command we're not gonna do that anymore all of a sudden I'm just going to be a man and I'm going to serve my wife and walk with her yes you'll be writing the checks because you're always the one that does the numbers but we're going to make decisions together as two grown-up adults about our money in about our future and about our life mm-hmm and you know and when that happens you're you know you're going to have a whole new husband mm-hm but and it can happen he can just decide to do that tomorrow and here's the thing he's not a bad guy yeah he's just fallen into the trap of being typical and normal you know the number one cause of divorce in North America today money fights and money problems why new stuff like I'm talking about right here the guy won't man up or the girl decides she's a princess and and she needs a daddy instead of a husband mm-hmm it's the opposite of what you're facing you know the number-one issue I'm having is I'm I keep telling the hand over his credit cards I've had that I paid that thing off no no no his mother tells him to hand over his credit cards when he decides he's a man he decides what to do with his credit card mm-hmm quit being his mother okay I'm tired of being your mother mm-hmm I didn't marry a man not to be his mother every time you say something like that you're giving him as allowance the guys at work are making fun cuz you're the base commander I'm telling him he's got to do this I'm telling me he's got it all you're doing is mother in this little boy mm-hmm it's time for him to stop it the hope that helps you kiddo it does thank you so much hold on the line I'm going to send you a copy of the book the Total Money Makeover in case some of this gets through and you guys have a better thing to work from than the financial piece planner it's not as good so it's a decent workbook but this is a better book I'll give it to you hold on and tell him I said thanks for serving this country but man up you Tom Dave Ramsey said that we have a manhood crisis in this culture completely were safai the males in this culture it's ridiculous some of you guys need to stand up really some of you women too I mean it's just my gosh we have the emotional maturity of 12 year olds walking around adult bodies out there this is crazy y'all you think she's the only one no she's that's a normal situation then let's scare the crap out of you it should this is the Dave Ramsey show Oh

Channel: The Ramsey Show Highlights

Views: 126,287

Keywords: getting, out, of, debt, plan, marriage, help, dave, ramsey

Id: RJP51Bh2DaQ

Length: 9min 43sec (583 seconds)

Published: Mon Jun 22 2015