How Women Evolving Affects Men

what's up woman of all well take a minute and just welcome the ladies into the men's panel because we have been having such an incredible time as women that we would like to hear from you all what does this experience look like for you when a woman takes time out of her life invest in herself so that she can become better what does that do when you see a woman taking care of herself in this way wow I can I just say this is incredible yeah yeah ladies y'all already incredible but coming together this is amazing I think coming from a single man perspective Sarah I'm excited ain't nothing like a good God fearing single woman evolve it yes ma'am wait up Anthony you ain't the only single man on the pan now oh but to answer to answer your question it's uh it's it's phenomenal as men to be invited here and to be witness to the evolution of women right before our eyes I mean it's it's a it's powerful so to answer your question an evolved woman is a powerful woman a woman to be respected and cared for and to be honored and cherished all right Devon okay um I just want you all to know just because they said they were single does not mean that they need your business cards or your advertisement we're going to keep it holy this is your brother in The Lord Oh amen you be you been got one of them I make a mean pot of greens but I like greens David I am wondering one of the reasons and I'll be honest with y'all we kind of went back and forth about whether or not we would have a men's panel because we do create such a Sacred Space for Womanhood and vulnerability but I felt it appropriate on the last day of us being together to really recognize the reality that this is not what our world looks like on a dayto day we are not and thank God we are not exclusively surrounded by women in order for the world to really come to the fullness of what it is it takes man and woman living in the fullness of their identity come on somebody we've man and woman living in the fullness of their identity and yet I recognize that a lot of times we experience breakthrough we experience power in this room and it feels exciting but then we go back home and we're wondering how do I translate this into a marriage that is used to the a different version of who I am into a Ministry that is used to a different version of who I am or even into a business and so gentlemen I want to know how do you support a woman embracing the fullness of her identity even if it means it's different than who you originally knew or understood I think that there has to be a sharp distinction between who you are and what you do uh the description that you gave about women going back into a world that maybe expects him to appear as a different version of themselves is the reality for all people people when we go at home we're expected to be play different roles and be in different places but you you play the role without losing sight of your own identity it's like being an an actress in a film you play the role that you the script you've been given the part you've been given but you don't lose sight of who you are as an individual that's not just a woman thing that's a man thing as well we need to be able to be whole within ourselves and and still be able to be shared in different ways between spouses between children between work we show up in different worlds in different ways just like you do and I think the challenge is authenticity doesn't mean control uh it it it means that we share space together it's not we're not fighting for the wheel it's it's not us against them it's we're not on football teams we're on the same side we're trying to get to this world and none of us have figured it out and all of us have been wounded and all of us have been hurt and you you could take all the women out of this room and fill it up with men and teach the same thing and you would still get the same reaction because we are all having the same experience we've been molested we've been abused we've been brokenhearted we've been cheated on we've been fractured it's not a one-sided thing and so yeah am I right about it yeah so we we don't want to be like the Democrats and the Republicans we're on the same side and figuring out how to work together requires one big word and if you leave here with this one big word you'll be halfway there and the word is reciprocity reciprocity I would say another large component of that is just having an open communication pattern in your relationship there's always going to be different phases of your relationship where you're evolving in different ways and you may not be able to match but you have to be comfortable with your partner to be able to communicate that um I've heard Mom and Dad talk about how almost at the top of every year they'll have a check-in who do you need me to be at this phase of your life and unless you've started to do that before you've gone under or through a revolution or gone through your Evolution you won't be able to really be able to be on the same footing whatsoever so you all have to be in the same space and have that pattern pre-existing I I'm sorry I just want to ask something maybe with a little bit more Nuance when you are in relationship with someone who has benefited from your lack of boundaries lack of communication and you go home and you say okay I'm going to be different I'm going to have boundaries I'm going to communicate I'm going to set a standard that I've never set before and I am hoping that this person will rise to the level of who I know I need to be but I'm not sure if they will is there anything in that instance that a woman can do in communicating this change that can empower the man to meet her should that even be her problem or is should it be you do you and if he can hang out he can if he can't let him go you have to know that those changes are going to be awkward at first cuz when it's something that you haven't been doing and you just come home and say we're going to do this it's going to be awkward at first but what we have to do and I'll say for me what I have learned to do is create a safe space a safe space for me to give her my heart boy if a woman give you her heart and truly give you her heart and you you create that safe space she'll move a mountain for you yeah that comes down to consistency right while you're evolving maybe you need me to be consistent something that is anchored not changing and you have to be able to allow your woman to evolve and like I said communicate with her what do you need me to be you need me to be consistent I'll be a ground for you to stand on yeah I mean Sarah I think it's it's twofold the Nuance of the question is if you're talking about from the woman's point of view part of it is communication because see what happens you know in my experience and I'm sitting here as a divorced man you know you can sometimes hold a woman Hostage to who you want her to be or who she used to be absolutely and as a result you're demanding her to be who she was yesterday but she's different today so part of it is a requirement I believe of her maybe communicating hey I just got back from woman involved there are some things going on in me I'm in transition and then as a man the challenge that we face is to appreciate and create room as David said for space for the woman that we're with to reintroduce themselves to us and for us to be able to appreciate and fall in love with that woman and I can say that from having not always done that perfectly let me jump in just for a second I just want to say this the core is what stays the same everything else changes about fruit it blossoms it becomes fruit it Withers the one consistency is the core and and and the great power that you have is to choose somebody whose core lines up with yours their core their core values who you are as a person are you loyal will you fight for me will you stand by me we want the same things I want you to fight for me I don't want a woman that you know no no no cuz we got to fight this world together we have to fight through life together we have to fight through ownership building a life building people be building human beings together I want you to be strong I want you to be a warrior but I don't want you to take your strength out on me I don't want you to take your strength out on me and I don't want to take my strength out on you because we cannot win at a game where we are competitors we have to be collaborative in order to win at the game so it's not about competing with me I can make more money than you I can no no no no cuz all of that may change I've seen different seasons um probably the oldest guy up here I've seen Seasons things change you can be popular today you can be unpopular tomorrow you can be employed today you can be unemployed tomorrow you can be a millionaire you can be homeless next week don't don't build your hopes on things that change go with core value do you love me do you love God will you fight for me can we withstand an argument can we go through a disagreement and still have the core value where we yeah we was fussing yeah we got mad and yeah you got on my nerv yeah I think you stupid yes you disrespected me yes you got yeah yeah yeah now where we going to go eat that that's relationship that's relationship that's relationship if you get that that's good how you doing what's going on with you are you okay if you don't have that you don't have the right person if if your evolution is going to threaten me then maybe we're not in the best situation honestly you're evolving to better so if that threatens our relationship there's something wrong with our relationship or or or there's something wrong with my past where you trigger me insecure because I'm insecure exactly because my maybe my mother left me and now you're changing on me and now I'm reacting not because you did anything wrong but it's a trigger for me cuz I'm I've been just as traumatized as you have I just expressed it differently some of the things that got on my ner got on your nerves about me was my trauma yeah so recognize male trauma shows up differently at the table okay okay yeah go ahead go ahead sir no just you go ahead well no I want to talk about male trauma for a minute because when we talk about women who are having deep conversations about their trauma it's being exposed we're having conversations about shame and resiliency and strength and it does not appear that these types of conversations are happening and directed towards men how do we as women who are on an Engaged journey of healing deal with be in relationship with collaborate with men who are not aware necessarily of their trauma or trauma responses but we can see it but I don't want to be your therapist I don't want to be your mother I don't want to be nagging but I can tell you should probably talk to someone about those abandonment issues and maybe you should talk to someone about those rejection issues maybe living the way that you live growing up is the reason why we can't connect now but I don't want to antagonize that person in the process how how do we deal with that let me jump in here just for one second I'm going shut up for just one second I got ask questions don't make statements right right right right this is the most valuable information in my gray head ask questions don't come in the room with the answer ask us questions and give us time to answer because we are not as prone to verbalize our emotions as quickly as you do so ask questions we may have to process because maybe you're asking me something I haven't been willing to ask myself and I may come back two days later and say you know when you was asking me the other day and uh and I said something to you but because I was thinking so see because it it we we have less neurons they travel at different speeds we process emotion differently and if you go home and ask him questions then what all a therapist really does is help you find the answer that was already inside of you I don't want you to Mother me and tell me what I ought to do I want you to ask me questions till I ask myself those questions and come back with the right answer and and what a therapist will also do is help you find the right emotion cuz sometimes what we'll do as men we pick the wrong emotion AB really I'm hurt but my anger speaks up yeah come on really my feelings were hurt but because how we've been raised don't punk out be tough my my emotions say I'm mad but really you hurt my feelings but sometimes the space isn't created for me to tell you my feelings are hurt yeah and I I don't want you to judge me and think I'm weak so I use anger as the emotion and don't rush the answer for me I I love what Bishop J said asked the question I've been asked several questions and I'm silent and I'm silent because I'm processing and then when I get around man like Devon man like Bishop I ask those questions out loud to someone wiser to help me process that information so that way if I'm silent and I don't answer it then it doesn't mean it's not important it's something that I'm gut checking myself I don't know the answer I may go see my therapist but I'm going to see my therapist and I'm going to call Devon hey Devon baby girl said this is she crazy what is wrong with this woman but Divine be like no she ain't crazy that's a serious question let's dissect that answer then I'm come back to baby girl you remember that question you asked me last week you remember that question you asked me last month here's the the answer and when he gives you that answer don't attack the answer maybe ask another question but don't attack the answer because the moment you attack me I'm going to go back and I'm like oh wait a minute Divine was wrong therapist was wrong and I just think if you create that space and allow us to be ourselves and evolve with you you'll get a better man and don't interrupt me don't do it Bishop don't interrupt me for God's sake yes sir please don't interrupt me it took me two months to put this sentence together would you please shut up and let me have this sentence let me have this sentence you know we be sitting thinking am I should I say it like this right baby I want to take no can't out baby when you we actually stop and think about this stuff we sit and Ponder how should I bring it to her but here's the problem now the mom let you go here's why you can't interrupt us cuz once if we don't get through the complete thought we can't give you our honest answer so if you go halfway through interrupt us now I got to respond to that and I wasn't prepared for that I was prepared for this full thing now I got to guess wait wait let me go back Devon she said this go back I can I please finish my statement just let us do that and we'll be better man

Channel: Sarah Jakes Roberts

Views: 389,815

Keywords: sarah jakes roberts, sarah jakes, pastor sarah, pastor sarah jakes, woman evolve, sarah jakes roberts 2019, sarah jakes 2019, Sarah Jakes 2020, Sarah Jakes 2021, Sarah Jakes Roberts 2021, ONE, Woman Evolve Podcast, Hey You, Hey You Sarah Jakes Roberts

Id: BEupefMpWAM

Length: 17min 25sec (1045 seconds)

Published: Fri Nov 24 2023