How to Take Revenge On A Narcissist

you know what this is this is the sound of one tail clapping hello boys and girls today we're going to talk about um how to take revenge on a narcissist potentially very controversial question in the uh study of uh narcissism and narcissistic abuse in the online world the given wisdom to date is you should never seek to take revenge on a narcissist because it's imoral makes you just as bad as them and could invite um some dread consequence uh it kind of feeds into this narrative that you get um not from the academic literature but from the online community around narcissism of the narcissist is some sort of uh omnipotent demonic you know creature up on a pedestal and you know the the uh ultimate vampire the devil the manifestation of evil um which I don't think is particularly useful uh so this we what we did myself and Lea loric we collaborated um on a book that's called how take revenge on a narcissist Lea L's website is navs D recovery um there's a free ebook you can get if you go over there and check it out do you find that boring is it boring to you I'm boring you um it's easy for Max he doesn't have to worry about these things it's all too complicated for him so I'm going to teach you two tips for taking revenge on a narcissist right now um and these are based on the strategies and techniques that you can get in the book we also released an audio version of the book uh which you can get from this link here um just over Max's head uh the first tip that I would offer you will function more I suppose as a uh strategy than as an actual technique when I used to teach martial arts um Self Protection skills we would teach people techniques and tactics but was also our job to teach people strategies as a way of formulating a defense it needs a any kind of Defense whether it's you playing tennis chess or actual military operation it needs to be formulated the context of an overall strategy which has to has certain objectives um the overall strategy that I would offer you which is probably you know one of the most powerful things powerful pieces of advice I could give you is to engage actively in a reframe um if you know your NLP if you know uh you know psychol Linguistics you'll know that a reframe simply means that if you change the context of the cont content of something that you are saying or thinking or doing and give it a new spin as it were then it changes what the meaning of the content is in this case the reframe I would like to suggest that you take on is to get out of the mindset of yourself as victim and the other person as the perpetrator the criminal get out of the mindset of the prey and the other person is the predator and reverse it on them to uh literally flip the script to use the vernacular so the first tip I would offer you is a strategy uh rather than a technique Max has seeds in his F which I need to get out um that so um is that you should see yourself as the predator and that you should actually actively engage in finding ways to provoke to gas light and to emotionally manipulate the narcissist that previously you haven't done because it doesn't come to you naturally you're not a provoker you're not passive aggressive you don't uh get your sexy little Thrills from Winding people up and from causing pain from causing distress and anxiety uh The Narcissist does so that's the first tip I would offer you take yourself and pray to predator and start thinking about the other person's vulnerabilities what they're insecure about what they feel anxious about not sure about and deliberately provoke them deliberately open those wounds and throw salt in them in the same way a narcissist does to their victims um that's my first overall strategy the various techniques and and tools and tactics that sort of trickle down from that come from that strategy one of the things that I would recommend as a tip um I've given you a strategy I'll give you a tip is figure out what your objective is if you want to take revenge on a narcissist you need to realize that there's a whole spect spum of context of a spectrum of Force if you like um we have this in self-defense and self- protection we talk about spectrum of force you know there's a difference like if somebody um if somebody's broken into your bedroom at 4:00 in the morning you're going to use different techniques in a different level of force than if it's like your 15-year-old cousin gets a bit drunk and swings a punch at you at a party you know you're going to use a different level of force so there's a spectrum of force force a spectrum of responsive Force same thing with taking revenge on a narcissist you need to decide what the spectrum is and what your objectives are there are different contexts in which Revenge could take place the more minimal context could be the um passive aggressive irritating comments uh from somebody who's a bit of a workplace bully somebody who can't avoid in the workplace they have a little bit of a um personality issue they have a bit of an attitude and they are seeking to deliberately provoke so what you'd be looking to do there is to meet them on that level and to match that level of force that is appropriate to that level of force the largest uh at the other end of the spectrum the greater sort of level of force in the context that could be used is that the Revenge you could be seeking could be to actually cause the narcissist to have a public meltdown or explosion that exposes them for who they really are if you imagine say a courtroom scenario where you're trying to um convince the court that the person that you're dealing with perhaps if they're a good covert and and they're cunning at being manipulative and convincing people that they're the victim you want to be able to provoke them to show their true colors so that would be a more explosive objective that's just a tip decide what your objectives are if you want to take revenge on a narcissist think about why um for some people your objective might be just to prove that the other person is a narcissist the technique as in they are actually narcissistic Le personality disordered they're in the cluster B they have more than five of the nine traits of narcissism and they are probably likely highly probably um diagnosable as uh malignant NPD by a qualified clinician rather than this lowlevel hazy um mediocre way in which the word narcissism is thrown around now in which it can come to mean thank you that's very kind of you um it can mean anything anything that upsets you anything that you don't like if somebody doesn't pay back money that they owe you if somebody uh you know in in a a a passing relationship that's only been going on for two weeks decides that they don't want to call you back anymore for no other reason other than it just they just don't want to then they're a narcissist that person's a narcissist and then the word gets bandied around and to the point where it becomes almost meaningless and I think some people get a kick out of accusing other people of narcissism and they do it with just willful abandon um with no real care for the actual academic literature no real care for the means of diagnosis um and if you asked them to name the nine traits of malignant narcissism they probably couldn't even give you two of them and it basically has come to mean anybody who does anything that I don't like it gets so stupid that like if you're planning a barbecue and the sky decides to rain well then the sky is a narcissist for getting in your way gets silly gets childish so if they actually are narcissists in the true sense of NPD then the techniques that are outlined in the book how to take revenge on a narcissist and outlined in the audio tutorial that goes with it um they will work if they are not truly personality disordered if they're not on the cluster B scale for personality disorder the techniques we offer won't work uh and to make Hammer that point home I will give you the second technique the second sort of tool that you can use any kind of denial of the narcissists omnipotence any denial of their grandiose vision of themselves any denial of The Narrative of their idealized false self that sweaty corrupted mask they insist on wearing um will cause narcissistic injury and a great deal of anger and distress and a good a good deal of stirring up of emotion well if you simply oppose a person's hyper idealized overly pompous grandio view of themselves and they go into an extreme emotional meltdown a childlike toddler level of tantrum and rage how dare you oppose me and they want to take you know counter Revenge Vengeance on you times 10 to a disproportionate degree that's a person who is hyp sensitive that's a person who has a shame based personality that's a person who's lived a lifetime of denial I'm perfect I'm perfect I'm perfect there's no filth and corruption in me and projection it's all you it's all you it's all you it's them it's them it's them it's them it's them it's never me I'm never wrong that person is genuinely sick if these techniques work if you do them as as redescribed and they work then they function as a test I'll give you one more tip because I'm generous like that and I'm a people pleaser I engage in boundaryless giving boundaryless pulling of ears um is sometimes it it doesn't even require a direct opposition of the individual's self-perception it doesn't even require that you actually saying no you're not you're not special you're not uh uh you're not particularly clever particularly interesting particularly funny you're not worthy of of agulation adoration you're not your needs AR aren't special um one nice thing that I got from uh watching uh a Sam vman video was he um said that you should subtly uh suggest that the narcissists needs what they need and what they require is not special perfectly average any and anybody can provide can fulfill those needs for you anybody can give you what it is you're looking for if that sends an individual into an apoplectic apoplectic rage they're sick by any stretch of the imagination whether you condone you know the uh the the DSM American Psychiatric association definition of narcissism or not I think we can all agree if somebody responds like that there's something up with them sometimes you don't need to oppose them sometimes you don't need to actually say you're not special your needs aren't special you're just a normal person just like everybody else to get that level of response and distress and rage some times all you need to do is withdraw your special attention and foring enabling um sort of pandering kid gloving of that individual if you just withdraw all that sugarcoated [ __ ] that you're firing at them that can send them into a spiral of anxiety and confusion and insecurity provocation jealousy rage uh nastiness they get vindictive they get they get Snappy just because you're not giving them the special ego strokey that they need the special strokes The Loving Strokes you're just treating them as you would anybody else you start to treat them like a normal uh human being if that sends somebody into a rage I think we can all agree they're pretty sick uh what we're saying for the purposes of this course how to take revenge on narcissist is that that functions as a de facto test of a personality disorder in the cluster be Spectrum somebody who is is has a shame-based personality that is rooted in denial of their vulnerability of their vulnerable true self and extreme uh projection of all their negative uh sort of emotions and feelings and wants and drives and desires outwards and a a heavy um cruel non-comp passionate uh um neurotic drive to push an idea of themselves onto people uh this isn't how to take revenge on a narcissist per se but something I would share with you is that I found it useful as a relative newcomer to the subject I never planned on being a somebody who would help people with narcissistic abuse for living is that um it's useful sometimes to look at U modern politics and narcissistic abuse strategies gaslighting um controlling a narrative altering a narrative uh assaulting someone and then crying out in pain as though it was them that had assaulted you you know victimizing yourself these are all games that politicians at an individual levels will play uh political parties will play and then whole Nations will play and it's interesting to view from that point of view but one thing I've noticed is that um the narcissistic personality just like a political party has an agenda they have a political um they political now with a small P they have their own macki aelian uh political uh drives and principles and when you are with them you must to use the vernacular to use to to to coin the phrase tow the party line you must do as you are told you must do even that which you are not told you know uh not to drift off into the Realms of slavo but you in order to truly understand the culture you can't just understand the implicit social rules um that's one level of understanding but to truly understand it he says go a step further you need to understand which social rules must be obeyed and which you can sometimes ignore so it's not always about over injunctions you must worship me you must uh serve me first you must drop everything and uh Whenever I Call You must absolutely you must answer the the phone to me immediately within three rings otherwise going to be serious consequences Max has farted speaking of serious consequences in chemical warfare Jesus my eyes are bleeding thank you Max that's his contribution to this he's like yeah [ __ ] that um he takes revenge on a narcissist just like that if uh I'm totally confused it's actually gone into my brain it's rotting my cerebral CeX as as we speak um so there is a degree of propagandizing that that go goes on there and there is a a a a political party line to be towed with a narcissist and the borderline and the psychopath and the hisonic um the antisocial dramatic reaction seeking personality disorders there is a party line there's a way they expect to be treated and sometimes the injunctions are overt they'll tell you what they want or they'll heavily imply it and sometimes the worst injunctions just have to be figured out and it's almost like you figure it out you figure out where the minds are in the mind field by stepping on them and then afterwards you go [ __ ] better not do that again so all of this becomes a very cunning overt covert somatic uh and cerebral you know multiple layers of abuse and control and and um exploitation and manip manipulation to get what they want from you so thinking of them in a political sort of mindset can be really helpful and you'll notice that they propagandize themselves elves all the time they're like little propaganda machines that when you talk to them when the narcissist is always brings the conversation back to themselves their amazing golf score their fame or wealth or whatever it is that they feed on that feeds them that makes them feel wonderful wherever they're getting their heroin from wherever they're drinking the delicious milkshake of of narcissistic Supply from they're propagandizing they're telling you who they are I'm giving too much away it's called boundaryless giving uh you should get the course go and get the course listen to this and get the course uh we as the ones who have put ourselves in the role of being the abused the victims the codependence the people pleases as as as I would have put it um we are consenting to that we're consenting to that dance uh we are consenting to the propaganda we don't challenge it you know they we walk away from these relationships uh thinking you know oh they were so wonderful they were yes they were very bad and they did these Dreadful andoral things but what an intelligent beautiful special wonderful person and with time and with healing um you'll come to see or I hope you'll come to see I hope everybody comes to see that actually when you take an objective look at that person you'll realize what a pathetic fragile V able entity they really are that's an addict that narcissist is an addict they're addicted to the delicious milkshake of the narcissistic Supply attention and admiration that they are compelled to extort from people either by over bullying or by covert manipulation they need you more than you need them but in the end because you open your ears to their propaganda you submit you drop your ego defenses and you take on the [ __ ] that they're feeding you they tell you I am beautiful I am special I am uh unique I am wonderful I am the best person you've ever met the greatest relationship you'll ever have you need me oh look at you you're so addicted to me you're so needy on me you need me too much all of that is projection but the sad thing is through our um consent through our um it's it's not conscious consent it's a it's a fostered consent it's a hypnotized brainwashed consent that comes in via the back door uh we agree to that so then I see uh clients who tell me oh yes my ex-boyfriend he looks like my narcissistic ex he looks like such and such an actor he looks just like Sean conry Brad Pit blah blah blah Johnny de blah you know I've heard it all um the girlfriends oh she looks just like this celebrity that celebrity the other celebrity and I'm thinking well why are you comparing them to uh celebrities what is that how did you get to that place and sometimes they actually show me pictures and I'll go and the like an objective point of view you know there maybe from an objective point of view maybe when you've truly healed from what this is and youve moved on with your life a little bit you'll look back and you'll see them in a different light you'll maybe see the true then not the fog not the magic uh the dark magic the black magic the glamour that they've laid on you a glamour by the way is um is a is an olding this term for magic it's a it's a black magic practice you can lay a glamour on somebody so when you talk about somebody being glamorous it's a it's a love spell it's the idea that you see my image my narcissistically created mask not the real me and when you mature I'm giving way too much away here when you heal you mature and when you mature you heal when you heal you mature when you mature you heal when you you heal you mature when you mature you heal there's an emotional maturity issue here in order to move forward you need to you know mature a little bit the emotional level you'll come to see that no they weren't that special and the idea of them as some sort of mini celebrity is actually a bit embarrassing now I feel a bit cringy about that phase of my life the way I treated them the way I spoke about them and the way I saw them because they you know they were that's a con artist it's an addict it's a con artist it's the um at this end the Spectrum where where where we go from narcissism to antisocial personality disorder the antisocial personality disorder the original popularized concept of a psychopath as it came to be known is simply the profile of a criminal the common criminal the person the average the the the I'm not very good with the statistics unfortunately which is difficult for somebody who took a psychology degree um but the thick end of the wedge statistically the fattest end of the mean of the average of the average Criminal who gets locked up and then they re reoffend and re offend and get locked up again and again this is how they behave this is who they are they're con artists they're extorter they don't know how to get what they want via legitimate means but they know they deserve it and they want it really badly so they're going to do it via the non legitimate means of bullying or extortion or you know deception seduction and so on um so it really requires that um I'm getting way too much away here God damn it I may as well just tell you now it really requires that if you want to take revenge on a narcissist you must be able to see this person who perhaps at the moment you might have gotten comfortable identifying as the other the big bad other here's me here's them they're my enemy enemy mine I love them I hate them you know like two snakes round the the sign for medicine those two the antidote and the poison you know it's a it's a neurotic response it's a sick response that we're having there that's black and white thinking it's a false dichotomy good and evil it's it's I must say this even though it provokes some people it's a childish way of looking at the world it's not the map is not matching the territory and that's how a con artist can get in an Illusionist don't look at the reality look at something else oh and then you fall for that [ __ ] because you're not used to looking at reality straightforward SS illusion sometimes I'll speak French in my videos because I'm a little pretentious may we so um it's about coming back to reality coming back to ourselves and in order to do that what I found very helpful and what I hope you guys will find helpful as well is to actually get into the mindset of the narcissist and go oh wow you fly the the Narco the planet Narco space ship and see where their missiles are and their targeting systems and you're like wow so they actually look at people and look for all the buttons they can push on another human being to distress them that's novel and I go yeah you could do that too and you go yeah I could do that too in the hope that you actually start to by getting yourself in the first person of their perspective rather than being oh no I'm the victim you're the Predator no I don't like how that makes me feel when I go to your side I'm coaxing you and going just try it go over there and try it you won't become a predator what you will do is you will look at what they do and you'll see it clearly for what it is cheap trickery childish exploitation um and manipul and manipulative tactics uh and just they they permit themselves the Indulgence of not worrying about the effect they have on other people the core issue to all of of this and this is really like I'm getting down to the main core issue of one of the biggest elements of the Spartan life coach project Beyond this course how to take Revenger narcissist is morality and the biggest failing in Psychotherapy and modern Psychiatry is we're not really allowed to talk about morality we have to we're supposed to engage in a kind of liberal um moral relativism because you know if you're from a different culture you are if you're from a different country from a different culture the way that you do things it might just be totally different to me and that doesn't make it wrong it just makes it different it doesn't make it wrong though and there has to be like for me like if you want to come back to reality you don't want to swim in a super moral relativism you got to be able to say some [ __ ] is wrong if I come to you and I lie to you and whisper falsehoods in your ear to seduce you and induce you to fall in love with me and I tell you that I've fallen madly in love with you mean while behind the black cape I'm twiddling my mustache going I don't love you you fool I'm just after you what whatever it is the milkshake the narcissistic Supply what you offer me perhaps it's money perhaps it's opportunity perhaps it's career advancement it is something that I want and I feel I deserve and I feel I have the right to take it by force or by Gile so that to me you can throw Rotten Tomatoes at me if you want for saying this is evil that is is immoral that is wrong and actually the whole issue of narcissistic abuse and recovering from it the reason why it requires that you go into the other snake's head and look at the world from his or her point of view is so that you actually start to get a balanced perspective of how the world works so that in the future when somebody's gaslighting you you can go you're gaslighting me Man or you know if somebody is manipulating you or pushing your buttons you can say this is what the reality is I know that this is happening and I know with certainty it's wrong and I must take action or I'm going to submit to this process consciously or I'm going to whatever it is but when you're actually taking action from real reality as it truly is not your hazy weird projected Bibble Debo spiritual bypassing sort of reality non-dualism there can be no narcissist there is no other there is only me and you and you know it's [ __ ] gibberish it's absolute nonsense and to any of those people who come I I I know of people who've gone to therapists who have said this kind of non-dualistic [ __ ] to them and it makes them sicker it makes them worse if your therapist says to you um we can't focus on the other person we can only focus on you I don't want to talk about what they did I want to talk about how you feel about what they did um or even if they take it up to the level of like a fo spiritual non-dualism thing like there is no other there is only one Consciousness experiencing itself I would say fine I will come and I will headbutt them in the face and when they're on the floor screaming with a broken nose that's now squashed back into their skull I'll say nobody headbutted you no this this isn't happening it's all just a mystical play of Illusion your nose is not fractured for life it's nonsense it's absolute nonsense and playing out there in the field of uh spiritual mumbo jumbo New Age [ __ ] is only going to make you sicker and it's only going to make the world sicker and culture sick and Society sick so there is more to this narcissistic issue than just oh my ex-boyfriend hurt me or oh my ex-girlfriend cheated on me or oh you know my my family unit are a bunch of greedy manipulative [ __ ] you know if that's what the reality is let's deal with that let's learn how a narcissist thinks um let's let's look at it from their point of view let's you don't need to buy the course you just need to do this just engage in their model of reality how can I exploit other people now you know where they're coming from you're not going to choose to do that you're going to go oh that's all they are that's all they have without my gullibility without your naivity they have nothing without our consent they have nothing the most powerful thing you can do is to Simply say I do not consent to this you don't have to do anything more than that but say no I don't consent non-servant I would prefer not to thank you I would prefer not to I do not consent so at the individual level you can you can start to heal from this stuff so that we you know through this project through looking at narcissistic abuse we can create some grown-ups some responsible adults who are actually ready to get back out into the world and make a difference because we kind of need that at the moment um and people who can actually engage and say okay well now I realize I've been manipulated my whole life I don't have to consent to the advertising I I don't have to consent to the political agenda that I'm being spoonfed I don't need to consent to what the media is telling me is happening in the world I can choose not to do that and so it becomes a bigger project but every human being on this planet should go through a learning module called how to be a bit of a [ __ ] how to be a narcissistic abuser how to be an exploitative um thuggish con artist who takes people for all they've got and all they do is very very simple they find what you are insecure about they see those wounds on you and they stick their grubby little fingers in those wounds and we the on the other side of the Spectrum which is a which is a um a paradigm that I need to break because I've fed into it on this channel because we're not on the other side of the spectrum it's not over here it's not a a false dichotomy it's not black and white and we on the other side of the spectrum air quote um don't see it we don't see that we're being provoked because everything is fine everything is fine everything is fine this person loves me this person loves me they're really cool they're really cool they're really special they're really special and one of the biggest blocks that I found when I'm working with people is stubbornness they stubbornly hold to their um victimhood they stubbornly hold to their perceptions of what it means to be abused and what it means to be an abuser and even though they are asking asking for help and they're drowning and they reach out the water with their hand as my hand comes towards them to hold it and pull them out they slap it I'm drowning help me get off I'm drowning help get off like you might watch this and have a giggle and go that's silly Nobody Does that actually the majority of people do that so what's that about why would you protect belief systems and structures and attitudes that keep you enslaved that keep you you locked up and not seeing reality as it truly is that sounds a bit sick to me so one part of this process is to let go of how we have been thinking about the world up until now and be ready to accept some change and to be ready to accept no matter what age you are you can change you can grow you you can develop and it is your [ __ ] responsibility to do so it is not acceptable to just sit around and suck our thumbs for a lifetime that's not an accept way to expend the energy of your life sucking your thumb and telling yourself that it was that that there's nothing else I can do it's it's not okay and then you know I've said this on another video before and some people went absolutely [ __ ] ballistic that I Dar to suggest that their lives and how they live and who they [ __ ] and what they eat and whether they get up and go for a run or not is not within their locus of control that is not an acceptable way to live your life to sit there and say that because it is within your locus of control you don't get to bandwagon hop on other people's suffering just to absolve yourself of the responsibility of being a grownup so you started watching a video on how to take uh revenge on a narcist um you'll have already heard uh and it becomes fasile it becomes um it becomes um uh just a cliche that you could shrug off the best revenge is living well I think that first pops up it's it's either in the talmud or or in the Torah um it's old ancient Jewish wisdom the best revenge is living well well how can you live well if you're reeling and in agony um from the tortures of narcissistic abuse you can't unless you do this first when you learn to see the world as they see the world and you truly Embrace that this will never happen to you again your wounds of codependency will start to dry up because right now they're weepy and open if you can't move on if you can't move on you've got weepy open wounds that are from codependency from having your boundary shattered in an environment that you did absolutely not consent to and that is totally not your fault which is most likely going to be in childhood or in a long-term relationship that you couldn't escape from that you did not consent to not here to shame people and revictimized them and make them feel terrible about themselves is not your fault but it is within your locus of control to do something about it now now as a sovereign individual and as an adult you know I never really pushed this enough it was called the Spartan life coach for a lot of reasons Spartan life coach was about asserting boundaries um about the the idea why it was called Spartan was going to be simple rigorous and self-disciplined it was to take people away from the gaslighting of a uh of a of a culture that is hellbent on a narcissistic agenda culture is not your friend then not trying to help you they're not trying to make you happy they're trying to drink your milkshake like in the [ __ ] Matrix pods where they suck the stuff out of you that's what's going on so you got to you got to get out of that Matrix pod but it it's hard because it's comfy and warm and cozy in there and that's all you know and you've got no skin because you've been in a pod your whole life you got to open that pod and go it's cold out there and I've got no hair and no eyebrows uh it's difficult I know it's difficult I've been through it it it's really really hard but you know what choice do we have if we want to move on so the best revenge is living well take on the mindset of a narcissist learn what it is let it go drop it for the cheap uh unpalatable immoral silly childish play thing that it is see it for what it is grow up move on then you can live well then you can live really well and the um narcissistic personalities and the narcissistic behaviors that you perceived in your life up until that point will just uh sort of withdraw the tendrils of that will just withdraw back into the darkness as your sort of sovereignity and um self motivation grows the light of that I'm talking metaphorically this is not spiritual the light of that will cause the darkness to withdraw people will not be able to exploit you people will not be able to trick you how can you trick somebody who is completely switched on and knows them self and knows their boundaries in the old martial arts people like to quote like ancient Chinese and Japanese text because it was hip to do so there was one that was quoted a lot which was into a true man of the da into a true human who has accepted the way of life even a tiger cannot sink its claws I'm not going to say you're going to be Invincible of course not but you'll be a hell of a lot less vulnerable than you are walking around as as an adult child with your pants around your ankles sucking your thumb and playing with your winky with your other hand what do you think of that Max he approves okay so that's it for that video hope you enjoyed it leave your outraged comments below tell me what a big dick face I am oh am go crazy it's the Internet it's what the YouTube comment section is there for release vent get it out you uh thank you very much for your time and your uh attention and said intention Freudian slip thank you for having a new intention wow covert hypnosis um and uh I will speak to you all soon I'm really boring him I must go goodbye

Channel: RICHARD GRANNON

Views: 708,314

Keywords: how to take revenge on a narcissist, narcissistic abuse, spartan life coach new, richard grannon, Narcissism (Symptom), Sam vaknin

Id: 16WtoFrlQRk

Length: 37min 46sec (2266 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 28 2015