Imagine for a moment that you are the Captain of a
great sea voyaging vessel setting out on a journey to an island you’ve never been to before, but you
know has many great riches. The weather is fair, your maps point a clear course, and
everything is going in your favor. However, as you set out on your journey, you
discover that your crew members have started to grumble — it seems they have doubts as to whether
the island exists, whether the ship can actually make the journey, and whether they really deserve
the riches, should they find them. The crew decides to mutiny, turn the ship back around,
and head for the port where they came from. That seems a bit silly, doesn’t
it? Not deserve the riches? Even though everything was going well, and you,
the Captain, knew exactly where you were going and what you would find there, they still had doubt.
Unfortunately, we do this to ourselves all the time. We sabotage our own endeavors by
overthinking the whole thing, casting doubt on ourselves, and reverting back to our old habits.
Instead of asking out the person we’d really like to be with, starting the business we’ve
always dreamed of, working out regularly, or any other number of important actions we
know we should take in order to have a happy, fulfilling life, we mutiny ourselves and send
us back where we came from. Nothing changes, and we never find the treasure.
But we can gain control of the crew members that are our emotions by following a few steps
to make sure we forge ahead despite the fear. The first thing we can do is change
the way we think about our goals. In Tony Robbins’ book Awaken the Giant Within:
How to Take Immediate Control of Your Mental, Emotional, Physical and Financial
Destiny!, he explains that: “Some people make so many evaluations that even a
minor decision turns into a major production… In order to exercise, they must 1) get up; 2) find
some workout wear they don’t look too fat in; 3) pick out the right athletic shoes; 4) pack
everything up in their gym bag; 5) schlepp over to the gym; 6) find a parking spot; 7) climb the
stairs; 8) sign-in; 9) go into the locker room; 10) squeeze into the workout clothes; and 11)
finally attend the class, hit the stationary bicycle, and sweat like crazy. And then when
they’re done; 12) they have to do all of this again in reverse...Of course, these same people
can easily get themselves to go to the beach. They’re ready in a heartbeat! If
you ask them why, they’ll tell you, “Well, to go to the beach, you
just hop in the car and go!” When we think of all the micro-steps
we have to take to reach our goals, we inevitably overwhelm ourselves and
freeze before we even take the first step. Instead of overthinking and breaking
the action into a million pieces, it can be helpful to think of the action you
need to take as one big step — or one “chunk.” By changing the way we think about going to the
gym (or whatever it is we’re trying to do), we can change our emotional response to the action.
“Just going to the gym!” sounds simple and doable, and we’re therefore much more likely to actually
do it because we’re not emotionally overwhelmed. Next, remember that other people
are mostly interested in themselves No one is really paying
too close attention to you. That may seem harsh, but it’s actually liberating.
The reality is that other people are so absorbed with their own struggles, fears, failures,
successes, and what they’re going to have for dinner tonight that they rarely take too much time
out of their day to consider what you’re up to. When we remember this, we’re less
likely to fear the judgment of others, because we know it’s not really an issue.
Try meditation Practicing meditation is incredibly helpful for
clearing the mind and centering your emotions. With the breath, you can exhale all your
self-doubt and anxieties, and inhale energy and determination to move forward despite
your feelings. If you’re a new meditator, try one of the many meditation apps on your phone.
Even if you meditate for just a few minutes, it can produce incredible results.
Let the buzz of thoughts in your head out onto the page.
When we overthink, our heads can get so clouded with buzzing thoughts that we can’t really
evaluate each idea clearly and realistically. A great way to reduce overthinking is to
journal your thoughts. Write down everything you’re thinking without holding back. Just get
it all down on paper so it’s out of your head. Then, re-read your writing and “debunk”
each of your fears and anxieties. Ask yourself questions like: Is this fear really worth keeping
me from trying something new? Will this fear result in my
death or the end of the world? Am I just negotiating with myself to try and
get out of doing something I know I should do? When we evaluate each of our fears, they lose
their power because we realize that they aren’t as big a problem as we thought they were.
And if you can’t journal, talk out loud If journaling doesn’t appeal to you, you can
accomplish the same thing by talking with someone you trust. Airing your thoughts and
feelings often makes them lose their power, so you can move forward with your
goals. You might realize that you’re overthinking has been ridiculous
and the problem isn’t so complex. Or the person you talk with might have
some insight you hadn’t considered yet. Embrace Your Self-Doubt
One of the best things we can do to overcome our self-doubt is actually embrace it.
Make the decision to embrace your discomfort and embarrassment. Adopt a learning mindset and accept
that failure is a possibility. And that’s okay! Ask yourself “what’s the worst that could happen
if I fail?” If the answer does not include dying, then you will probably be fine. We have to realize
that the only way to learn is to try new things, which means we’ll probably end up messing things
up sometimes and looking a little silly. Remember, that’s part of the process and totally natural.
In fact, you can even plan on doing it wrong first. This will give you the
permission to let go of perfection. Most Importantly: Take Action Anyway! After you embrace your self-doubt and
embarrassment and fear and anxiety, you have to take action in spite of them. When we
take action, we accomplish a variety of things: We stop overthinking because
we’re focused on moving forward, We actually move towards our goal, obviously, and…
We give ourselves momentum so the next time we encounter self-doubt, we remember that
the last time wasn’t so bad and we can forge ahead regardless.
Repeat, Repeat, Repeat Continue this process over and over again
until you gain confidence in yourself that you CAN achieve your goals,
and that you are NOT an “imposter.” Self-doubt is a habit. But so is self-confidence.
To replace the one with the other takes a bit of time. To break the self-doubt habit, you have
to repeatedly take action despite your feelings. Nothing stings more than not reaching your
full potential because you sabotaged yourself by thinking you weren’t good enough,
smart enough, or “whatever” enough. Not being “whatever” enough should not be the
barrier to entry for trying to achieve something meaningful. So don’t let yourself
be the reason you didn’t even try. And don’t let those pesky crew members
steer your ship away from its destination.
