How To Reprogram Your Subconscious Mind & Design Your Dream Life | Peter Crone

if somebody's listening to this and they're looking to design their dream life in roughly 30 days what do you think it would take uh I mean I don't like to be flippant but uh a complete reorientation of what they're trying to do meaning gosh it's it's beautiful right you even the question it's so founded in this sort of aspirational quality that we have as a human being like I want to create my dream life and days but what I think it emits and it tends to negate is the fact that that to me isn't life like we as human beings are sort of wired to try and avoid adversity we seek pleasure we want to avoid pain you know these are very mamalian deep Primal instincts so whilst I would be a great cheer leader you know if somebody wants to do that I'd be like good for you go for it and I don't want to be the guy that's you know sort of the Crogan but I just don't think it's a I think they're digging in the wrong place you know to use a quote that I steal from Raiders of the Lost arc when Indiana Jones discovered that the French archaeologist and all of his you know thousands of workers and the big JCB diggers and you know sort of corporate at America looking for the Arc of the Covenant were digging in the wrong place right there sort of represents the ego that wants to have all the accolades the attention the fame the riches and whilst again I I don't want to step on anyone's goals and aspirations but life doesn't work like that you need only look at your history as a human being as a man that we're going to have to face adversity people are going to die people are going to get sick money is going to be lost jobs are going to be you know given up and so whilst the 30 days Dream Life is Beautiful to pursue I think a much more powerful and dreamy life is to learn to find profound acceptance for the one we have that to me is a much deeper interpretation of success I've often said to me true success is being at peace and what I hear in someone trying to create their dream life in 30 days is a lot of effort is is a lot of fatigue a lot of trying a lot of trying to prove something and I know it's a fine line right I'm not just saying like acceptance as though it's a form of resignation but to what degree can we find enough humility as a human being to allow the events of life to unfold but not be so upset by them right versus trying to create this perfect circumstance you know when I when I asked the question I guess I wasn't intending to say okay do for somebody to have the mcmansion and to be driving the the sports cars and be living on the beach but I think that people their dream in life is to find peace fulfillment meaning and purpose and there's a lot of people right now that don't have that so if people are lacking peace in their life they're lacking fulfillment and happiness and like you said sometimes we're digging in the wrong hole which hole do you think people should start digging into so right there it's and I really get it like there's millions of people struggling the last few years have been you know tiring for everybody uh there's definitely forces at play here that don't have Humanity's best interests at heart and in order to find peace it is incumbent upon us to see where are we not allowing life to be the way it is so fundamentally the opposite of peace is resistance it's fighting like where we are in conflict with the circumstances of our life right and so for me the way to have a dream life is to take a few deep breaths and discover within us where is their resistance to the way things are now very subtle but important distinction is not to say that I want them the way they are like I don't want my parent to be struggling with a sickness or to be diagnosed with cancer I don't want to be unemployed right now I don't want to be struggling in my relationships it's not to condone the circumstances but can we just for now find profound acceptance for the fact that life is the way it is so that to me is Success that to me is fulfillment that is like okay for whatever reasons for whatever reasons and let's face it we're all pretty clueless when we look at the big scheme of life things are the way they are and the degree to which I resist them I don't want it this way it's sort of like an inner child tantrum like no I don't want you know and that's where the mental sicknesses the diseases come in because we're literally fighting reality so a dream life to me isn't as you said mansions and fast cars and da da da a dream life is being at peace you talk about resistance and I think a lot of people who maybe haven't done a lot of personal development work maybe they're not you know familiar with the subconscious mind and reprogramming andu stuff they're not even aware that they're creating resistance in their life based on their own beliefs or based on some of the habits they might participate in on a regular basis how can somebody develop self-awareness around some of these habits or resistances that they're creating on their own if they're not fully aware of it it's a great question you know we only sort of have our life right so we only have our experience we don't have the the liberty of contrast we can't go okay I'm going to just live on a different timeline as a different human being and see how that feels so a lot of people just don't know what they don't know like their form of resistance that somebody else might see very clearly for them is no that's just normal that's just me the way they start to be aware of it is first of all people have to slow down everybody's in a hurry as I tell people everyone's in a hurry to get somewhere they're not under the impression that that's where they're going to be happy even in the Declaration of Independence right it's the pursuit of happiness there's this manic chase that people have of they're constantly trying to get somewhere so if you feel that as a listener if you feel like you're on the quintessential hamster wheel rat race of life then chances are you're in a state of resistance you're feeling that the life you have isn't the one you want it's not the one you're supposed to have it's not the one your parents said you should have it's not the one your teachers or your friends that you should have so wherever this is this sort of fighting energy then that's where we start to find some gold and go okay what what is it that I am I the person am fundamentally resisting why why do I believe things should be different and that's where we can at least start the inquiry to these deeper subconscious patterns of thinking that I'm not enough or I'm not safe or I'm not loved or I'm not wanted it's usually some sort of not and see that people are fighting and I want to talk about this the limiting belief I'm not enough I mean you hear this a lot from people I've definitely had this struggle over the years I would imagine you know in your life you've had it at some point as well and it holds us back in so many areas of our life whether it's pursuing happiness whether it's relationship stuff relationship to our self Fitness money what whatever it is purpose how can somebody begin to like transform that limiting belief into something that empowers them through the beauty of accepting our Humanity right which isn't an easy thing to do one of my quotes and say one of the hardest things to do as a human is to be human and that's to realize that we all have that programming we all have feelings of inadequacy we all have feelings of self-hatred we all have self-judgment we all have a feeling of insecurity as it relates to our actual safety on the planet which is being heightened right now whilst most people are trying to disprove it deny it overcome it hide it the actual access to freedom is to go oh that's just part of the programming of a human being and to integrate it accept it like we're not we're not running around judging the sh out of ourselves for the fact that we have two arms so it's it's part of the design of the anatomy of being a human it's so like I should have four you know it's like right so we we we integrate it by virtue of the fact that it's yeah that's common knowledge that you as a human assuming you don't have any genetic Malou formations and genetic mutations that you you have two arms so likewise when we look at our psyches we look at our identities our personalities is to realize oh just by virtue of Being Human you are going to have a narrative that is founded in some form of of I'm not enough and that's okay and when you when you really get it and you really integrate it you no longer driven by it you're not trying to hide it you're not trying to become a perfectionist to compensate you're not trying to become a people pleaser as a strategic way of trying to be enough right all of the things the mechanisms that people use as coping strategies start to Fall by the way site and you're just not defined by it it's like Peter Crone when I was in college my nickname was perfect Pete right which you can feel the pressure in that that I felt which was self-generated by the fact that I always had to get everything you know back then kind of perfect which was my way of compensating for my not enoughness until I realized it was futile because there's no such thing as perfect everybody's flawed and the degree to which we can Embrace that about ourselves comes back to your original question is the degree to which we get to live a dream life because we're no longer fighting Who We Are and so once we have this seems like radical acceptance of us being human like you just said which is the gateway to improving our relationship with this limiting belief I mean a lot of this stuff is just dee rooted in people I mean you got people that grew up in traumatic situations you got people that battled drug addiction for a long time that just self-destructed their life and their their feeling of not enough isn't just something that pops into their mind every once in a while it's like deeply there given their track record is there you know I guess staying on the theme of like having somebody design their quote unquote dream life in 30 days finding peace happiness Etc would there be like any kind of exercises or any anything similar to that you would have somebody do to help like rewire that thought so it's not just you know you're accepting it but it's also like you're starting to believe it as well yeah it takes time right there's different ways that the subconscious gets it's structure uh the different dialogues that we have typically the most common that people struggle with is what happens in childhood we're very open we're kind of like tape recorders so we hear things as though it's factual like Dad says you know what happened why did you up and get a d or you know the if it's a high school coach that you dro the ball literally figuratively you know and you feel like you messed up the the team's record and you didn't get the win or whatever it is that we all go through we record those things as though they're factual and that's who we are so the first thing is you know patience kindness forgiveness for oneself which isn't easy and to realize that you know we have deep codes that are very Primal we want to belong we want to be safe we want to be loved as humans that's how we survive and that those things aren't easy just to you know transcend or transform so patience kindness towards oneself and then to realize that you know we're all doing the best we can and that these things tend to be blind spots right so to redesign I like to use analogies like if I came into your house and I saw the way that everything was laid out your furniture your sofa where the TV is where the sideboard is where your bookshelves are whatever it is and you could say I want to design my dream home so the first thing we have to do as an analogy to what we're talking about mentally and emotionally is we'd have to clean out everything that's in there right like if I just bought in the most Exquisite Cloud couches from Restoration Hardware they're 20 grand or whatever and just bring them into your house right now you're like what the are you doing like there's I where the hell am I supposed to put this there's no room right and so this is where people try to do affirmations positive thinking you know positive psychology where they're like trying to repeat things but it's what one of my friends who plays golf and he he made a pot for like a seven or an eight on a par four right not good like it was a triple bogey but he made it was like a 50 foot pot and people like oh my God great pot he's like yeah whipped cream on right like it it's a great po but I still scored a seven right so likewise if I bring in all of this great information tips how to use Furniture in your house but the house is still still filled with molded you know old furniture doesn't work right so to come back to the question to make it as practical as I can people first have to become aware of what is the dialogue that you currently have that is your quote unquote old furniture and start to investigate the validity of that why why do you think you're a piece of sh why do you think you're a failure why do you think you're not enough why do you think you're a loser why do you think that you're not worth anything right and then it's hard to look at because it's it's it's uncomfortable right it hurts to feel those things but in order to do the real healing and to design the perfect life or the dream life we have to be responsible for what's already in the space right what what do we and have we carried for usually 20 30 years that isn't a truth but it is nonetheless what defines us so that that's that's the tool is self-awareness what do I fundamentally think about who who I am and then question the truth about is it really true like an absolute truth that I'm a loser and when you really look at it it's it's not a truth it's how I feel my dad said it all the time my brothers picked on me you know You' got the evidence for it but it's not a truth so do you believe that affirmations are mostly BS I mean BS is a strong word I would say mostly not very helpful you know I think for some people sure it might give some transitory relief it's sort of like the lift yourself up by your bootstraps like you're a good person you're a winner like whatever people say I just find that they tend to be shortlived because until you deal with the underlying code the deeper memories of inadequacy insecurity and scarcity the deeper dialogues and narratives again it's back to whipped cream on you know it's like I'd rather get rid of the and then the space for all the whipped cream in the world the irony is when I get rid of the derogatory statements I have about myself I tend to naturally feel at peace anyway you know it seems obviously that these derogatory statements these some of these limiting beliefs are just poor habits that people need to not necessarily just get rid of like because it's going to take time they're going to need to work on them and understand them gain some introspection on them what are some other habits do you think there may be orle that people aren't aware of that people need to break in order to find peace and live this dream life I think the worst habit is not so much an action it's just a form of self-narrative right like so the habits that people do like whether it be overindulging in food overindulging in Narcotics drugs medication drinking weed food you know what there's different means that people seek uh escape from their own suffering like that's the actions people are doing but they're all secondary and tertiary they're down the line relative to somebody's worst habit which is the way they speak about themselves to themselves so that's the that's the Habit to pay attention to is the consistent inner dialogue that is very derogatory not flattering and it's hard to really sit with with that right because we're so accustomed to thinking that the voice in my head is who I am versus listening to the voice in my head as though it's not me and get to know that person right and it breeds a lot of compassion is like whoa that person is so hard on themselves that person has the worst image of themselves that person is just so mean to themselves like wow so if you were listening to a friend of yours speak in the way that you speak to yourself you be like dude what are you what are you doing you're like you're being the out of yourself you're a good person right you'd have compassion you'd have support you'd have love um so you start to realize that we really are not very kind in the way that we speak to ourselves and so how do we break that habit because that's something that again is very subconscious it is but but through that's what I said unless you slow down enough to pay attention and listen which is what some people don't do in their own relationships right they don't pay attention to their wife or their husband or their kids that everybody's in a hurry to get somewhere so that's why I came back to earlier saying we've got to slow down got to be able to pay attention and go okay sometimes it helps to take the thoughts we have and write them out so you can see them like it feels separate right if they're in our head feels like it's who I am but if we take them out put them on paper and start to record what are at least the consistent thoughts right cuz some thoughts coming go some are pretty arbitrary but there's usually some consistent things we say about ourselves so to break the Habit we want to bring those consistent thoughts into our awareness you share it with a loving friend you put it on a piece of paper you share it with a therapist you talk to someone in a workshop and then start to as I said earlier investigate the validity of the statements because it's not a truth it's just how I feel it's an opinion I have and that's how we start to break the Habit is because when you real it's not true you start to pay less attention you're like oh hang on a minute and then to make it more powerful the question I asked people when I work them is who could you be or who would you be in the absence of that statement or derogatory narrative because that now opens something up people like wow F if I if I wasn't walking around thinking I'm a loser if that wasn't there I'd feel amazing right you see it's like it naturally reveals uh something that we're trying to get to through affirmations or chasing this idealized future and I know for me and others what's tended to to trap us or myself from changing in situations like this even though we've understood that you know we're not quote unquote failures is the real the reality that we see around us just doesn't reflect that you have no money your relationships are crap um you've broken the trust of every single person in your life maybe there's some leg stuff going on and so you're like yeah I understand I'm not a failure but my life is still crap so how do do do you think that somebody has to also improve their their life like make more money or improve relationships in order to bridge that gap between thinking they're a failure and realizing they're not yeah it's it's a little bit like I make the analogy of like a freeway and a side road right to me the freeway with five lines five Lanes on either side versus the side street with one lane on either side that represents the mind altering body and life right like that's that's the real now can you get your up go to the gym try and get a little motivated maybe say a couple of affirmations tidy out your garage and feel better for sure for sure these are important habits to you know Implement into our life that we are taking care of circumstances you clean out your closet I mean there's a whole woman Show on Netflix Marie condo or whatever like you know she's got millions of people helping them roll up T-shirts right and does that help yes but the real treasure is in those five Lanes those 10 lanes of a highway where it's the constant dialogue because the relationships that suck not having money not having you know your life together having health issues those are the byproduct of what's been going on for years in between the ears right so it's your skin like when somebody has a skin issue uh whether it's psoriasis eczema acne like people try to apply something externally cortisols whatever creams but the issue is arising from inside the tissues right so until you change in this case diet lifestyle mindset stress responses your your skin isn't going to look different so likewise our life is an extension of us and if our energy internally is in a state of disease or disorder dysfunction then the world around us is going to reflect that that's the good news right because then we're like okay instead of being a victim of circumstance I can see that my energy is the precursor and the creative force of my circumstances not like I'm at fault we don't want to make ourselves guilty or shameful that doesn't help we go okay if my life is the way it is because of who I am then by changing who I am then my life will change automatically versus me staying the same inadequate insecure person who thinks they're a failure but desperately trying to change my life that's that's a futile battle I would imagine that some of the good habits people should instill are kind of op opposite of what we've talked about you mentioned them a little bit like being slowing down becoming aware of your thoughts becoming aware of the narrative you're telling yourself and working on that I think that's a good practice to have for anybody no matter what stage of Life they're in you mentioned diet stress response Fitness Etc what are some of the good habits you'd want to make sure somebody is instilling in themselves if they're a client of yours and they're trying to you know transform their their life in 30 days uh I think for sure having self-awareness to start right to start to recognize what are your consistent thoughts what are the words that come out of your mouth like how many times have we heard friends say really you know quite derogatory comments about themselves or I'm such an idiot I up like to pay attention to the words we use because those words create our reality so those for sure are key habits but then just in terms of Maintenance of Being Human it's not easy right so consistent sleep cycles try to get to bed at the same time every every night ideally before 1 p.m. you know if you get into 10 p.m. and Beyond you tend to get into a different cycle energetically you're going to get second wind you start to feel like motivated you're hungry those sort of midnight snacks that happen um so try to get to bed at a consistent time try to watch the sunrise or like some of the sunlight in the morning to set your Cadian rhythms move your body right whether it's like you go for a walk you do yoga you do a hit training exercise what whatever floats your boat but move your body right if you can do some breath work start to get in tune with those subtle bodies what happens when I'm really focused on my breathing Some people prefer a form of meditation eat good food chew your food you know have good Community uh these are all the sort of the go-tos that everybody I think is pretty aware of of course we don't always integrate them well we don't keep them consistent but I think the main ones are you know good sleep hygiene in terms of what time you go to bed the way that you sleep you're not looking at your device until the minute you shut your eyes uh you get up hopefully at a decent time in the morning and you move your body get hydrated eat good food and as best as you can during the course of the day do something that contributes to the benefit of society if somebody's feeling unhappy and they're looking to use this 30 days of finding peace in their life designing their dream life to find ways to be like realistically happy not having or happiness driven by money status Etc what are some of the like the cornerstones of happiness that people should focus on well when I write in quotes I don't know how familiar you are with my work but I'm doing my first book and I write in quotes that's how my Intel and distinctions come through me and so the one around happiness that I am proud of that people like I say true happiness is the absence of the search for happiness so it seems like paradoxical for for some people because what I'm saying is similar to what I mentioned earlier when we're okay with the the way things are that is the absence of the C we're not trying to perfect our circumstances we're not trying to become someone we're not trying to get somewhere then that to me is true happiness that's peace I'm a peace with the way things are and and capital A I remain committed to whatever my goals and aspirations are you know Peter cron despite my success pretty healthy guy good athlete you know got good things in my life there's so many things I'm exploring but not from a place of lack not from a place of there's something wrong with my life so that happiness no offense to whatever the 30-day I don't know if you're doing a 30-day program or something but you know it's like it's available right now happiness is not to be found at the end of 30 days it's to be found instantaneously when you are in profound relationship to the way things are and not in resistance to the way things are I mean I know we we've talked about awareness and I know that's a big part of your work I'm just putting myself in a in a listener's shoes and they're like all right if happiness is the absence of the search for happiness and I'm somebody that has just constantly searched for the next when I get this I'll be happy when I get the car when I get the relationship and that's just been this constant toxic cycle how do they break free from that because I think that's a trap that's can be incredibly hard to to get out of especially because in the in the where our society is there's so much value put on those things for sure that is apparently what success looks like right and so we're all wired to think that the the life we really want when it's going to be awesome is this sort of one day future so again it's just through logic and intelligence and realizing wait have have you ever been in your future right and it's like of course no one has so you're chasing this Perpetual Horizon that keeps moving with you because whatever somebody's goals are let's say they want to make a million bucks and they do well guess what now they want to make three they want to make five no I need to make 10 because their lifestyle is going to adjust with them the number of people who want to help and support from them because they've made money or whatever it is in their life so the same pressures apply so it is it's it's a trap right to think that what we want is off in the future and we as cliche as it is we we're sort of forgetting the life that's right in front of our nose right now and so the the how is to one notice the lies that your successes in the future one day when to realize the part of you that thinks that what you want is going to give you happiness because look at your own life like how many times did you think that when I got to whatever particular Milestone that would be it but you hit that Milestone and it wasn't well you got probably a bunch of evidence to show that your idea of what you think you have to get to which you did get to with with previous goals doesn't reconcile your suffering it just doesn't get rid of the resistance so to see that the Trap itself is what's perpetuating this pursuit of an idealized future that you never get to so that's the first thing is just the awareness and go oh my God like I'm literally just chasing a horizon of my own creation we've talked a lot about self and I know a lot of your work revolves around reprogramming the self improving the self again I'm only just speaking from my own experience when I've been the unhappiest with my life it's been because I've been unhappy with myself and it's not even that I'm chasing the wrong things I'm just in a place where I just feel like I have a low level of self-worth self-esteem what do you think are some things that somebody could do other than like we've talked about the awareness around the thoughts and you know not believing that you're destined to be failure Etc what are some things somebody could do to really improve the way they feel about themselves so let me ask you if you have you at any point had a friend a loved one who felt pretty low about themselves for sure for sure right we all have we've had stacks of friends who've gone through a breakup and they think life is pointless they got laid off from their job and they're like well it like nobody wants me like you know we're surrounded by humans who show us what it looks like to feel H like resigned and apathetic and lethargic and there's no point to life so then to answer your own question what is your response to that person how do you deal with that I mean I try to just listen to them first not try to fix the situation right and just hear them out and then I if I know them well enough I try to remind them of what they have overcome and some of the things that they have achieved and how strong they are and just be there for them in support and and just kind of ride with them along that journey and also just try to you know ask them if they want my feedback and if they want my feedback I'm like hey this is what I would do in your situation blah blah blah um it it all depends on the situation but but pretty much I mean it's like me listening to them helping them gain awareness of the situation and then pointing out you know some of their strengths in those moments that they that people tend to forget about what what I got overall was the fact that basically you would be a friend you'd be kind you'd be caring you'd be patient you'd be understanding you'd you know we could put that all under the aaces of you'd just be loving right so that's the answer to your question we're just applying those same qualities values to ourselves realizing wow it's okay I can see that you feel like you up you it's okay that you feel like nobody wants you it's okay that you feel like you're not making the most of your life like the it's all okay it's all okay and the amount of relief that we feel when we can afford ourselves the same love and kindness that we so readily afford to a friend it's the Catalyst for us to feel the qualities the good attributes and characteristics that we do have beneath the surface and then we naturally are pulled into getting up go for a walk you know what I'm G to be okay I'm gonna have a good workout I'm gonna have a sweat like we're not in the woe as me we're allowing for the woe is me but the it's so ironic right as soon as we allow for something to be there it tends to dissipate I feel like acceptance is like one of the the biggest things you can do in those situations because otherwise you fall into this victim shame cycle of why is this happening to me I feel so alone I'm never going to amount to anything I'm never going to fill in the blank and then you just prolong the misery you Pro prolong the despair because you have you don't accept that that's just part of the human experience and then you figure out a way to to move on from yeah and the ego the reason that happens just so the listeners get a little bit of inside Intel is because the ego's number one prerogative is to be right about itself so if we can stay in the wo is me if we can stay in it's all pointless then what we're doing is we're fueling the ego's need for its own validation and I know that the ego gets in the way of our own success gets in the way of our own happiness and our own peace would have you found to be some effective ways to have a better relationship with our ego so that it doesn't bring us down not to sound like a broken record but that profound love and acceptance to realize as a human being by Design I have a part of me that feels inadequate insecure feels like there's stuff missing that is fundamentally founded in self- judgment self-criticism uh separation and to learn I mean what a great attribute of this organism of Being Human that we have a part of us that by Design feels flawed feels inadequate feels imperfect feels not wanted so that then we the bigger being we're learning to have love and acceptance of that part right meaning if we look at the other way around how many of your listeners male or female they have attributes about themselves that they love like their features their their jawline their their hips their lips their boobs the you know whatever it is like that people like well that doesn't take any work because you like those things about you so how beautiful of a design that you're by virtue of Being Human we are all given attributes that are really unattractive to ourself because then we actually have to develop the capacity to love those parts of us that we're hoping somebody else will not realizing that all the other humans out there are doing the same thing we're you start to see the irony the Paradox and the comedy in the fact that we want somebody else to love and accept us even though we won't speaking of relationships I think this is a big one as far as getting in the way of our peace happiness getting us to feel a certain way about ourselves you touched on it you know in the conversation where it's like we don't slow down to pay attention to our partners our husbands or wives fill in the blank with whatever with whoever is listening to this I know a big part of your work is on relationships if you could just provide the listeners with some some of your best tips to improve the quality of their overall relationships what would they be it's a great question um I would say every relationship we have with anyone resides within us us so we think we're upset at our wife our boss but the upset is in us so if you want to improve your relationships to others as you know TR or repetitive as it might sound we have to improve our relationship with ourselves right if I can embrace my Humanity if I can find love and acceptance for the part of me that I find difficult to love and accept then I'm going to naturally extend that to others I'm going to be more patient I'm going to be more forgiving I'm going to be more accepting so right now the way most relationships are kind of constructed or designed not consciously is that I'll be okay if you behave the way I want you to that's not even a relationship with the other person because you're saying I need you to be a particular type of person for me to be okay that's me with me not me with you so first thing to realize is that most people don't have a relationship with other people they have a relationship with their own idea of how those people should act and once you see that it's pretty it's pretty tough to see especially for people you love right you say oh no I love my wife but when you realize actually no you want your life your wife to be different then you're not loving your wife you're loving the idea of who you want her to be that's not a relationship so when people start to real realiz why their relationships don't work is because they're not in relationships it's quite eye [Music] openening and so you think the best thing somebody can do is just continually work on themselves so that you know whatever problems do arise in the relationship it's not it's not you know jaded in any way yeah it's recognizing the pressure that we put on ourselves that then gets superimposed onto others the Judgment that we have on ourselves that then manifests as making other people wrong right I I didn't get the memo from the universe that any one of us is in charge of how things should be and how anyone should act but that's how people behave like they they know how their spouse boss siblings parents should act so really oh okay I I didn't get my marching orders of who I'm SP meant to be in your life right you start to see The Audacity Of The ego's mindset that it knows how everybody should act so when you start to see the absolute Insanity of that it breeds a lot more humility and you start to realize wait a minute Who Am I who am I to say how other people should act that immediately breeds a lot more love and acceptance and allows people to be who they are now that doesn't mean we condone certain behavior of course if someone's in an abusive uh harmful relationship then for sure you need to get out of that seek counsel get yourself in a safe place but if you're the one perpetrating the wrong making and the judgment and the shame of another person you know then that's something to look at in terms of the audacity you have thinking you know how somebody else should act that's not a relationship with another human being that's a relationship with your own ideal of who someone should be that's a fictitious relationship that's why most relationships don't work you're not in relationship with the people around you you're in relationship with your own imagination about them and so how can somebody know if their relationship with themselves is on point and they're not having this imaginative relationship of what somebody else should be because they'll find Harmony wherever they go they'll find kindness they'll find forgiveness they'll find connection and intimacy and I mean intimacy is an energetic experience like where I feel really seen and heard and held by the people around me and they equally feel the same for me that's being in relation ship versus fighting judging wrong making arguing screaming getting angry which is how most people live like you said there's also a difference between you know somebody who's in an abusive abusive relationship and a harmful relationship and they need to get out of it one of the things that my audience has shared they struggle with at times is finding people around them that have like common values like you mentioned that you know you told me before we recorded one of the main reasons that you've gone back to LA for some time is because of the community you talked about like having good people in your life is important for people's you know happiness and habits and stuff like that so let's just say for the sake of this conversation somebody has their in congruency with themselves there's alignment there they're not focusing on trying to make somebody they're not but they want to make sure they're not you know wanting to do drugs they stay away from people who aren't doing drugs like how can people make sure that they're finding the right types of people in their life to elevate them and not bring them down it's tough right I mean it's the old everyone seen the meme around and find out right like it's all a work in progress we're all just sort of like as I tell people we're we're masterpieces and works in progress right so I I have friends that maybe I won't have in a year or two from now but then I'll have new friends come into my life and so it's really all an extension and a reflection of who we are so again I don't mean to sound like a broken record but I want to keep pointing people to the source of everything which is if you want to be surrounded by amazing people that care about you with people who are kind who are loving who accept you who support you who lift you up then you have to be that person for yourself right that's the ultimate relationship that we're developing so in order to attract good partners whether it be personally romantic professionally whatever it is we want to find that beautiful relationship with ourselves what's been something that you've been working on for yourself over the last last six months to a year or so that's helped improve your own relationship with yourself all the above like I I like I mean everything that I just shared in terms of you know I think where when I have worked with so many highend performers in life athletes entertainers billionaires people who excel in their industry right some of the best professional sports people there tends to be this underlying constru strained of expectation that once somebody gets really good at something it's almost like inbuilt that that's what they're now expecting right so I take one of my baseball players who was the National League MVP which is a big deal right like you know out of all the players to be the MVP and the reason he got that a couple of seasons ago I would say is because he actually made space for his Humanity instead of being the guy who was getting upset for striking out which makes sense because you're being paid millions of dollars to not strike out but I've yet to meet a player who doesn't right and they're the best in the world so the reason for sharing that is you know if I can share as humbly as possible I feel like I'm one of the greatest performers of what I do right I'm not a baseball player I'm not an NBA guy I'm not an actor but in my realm in my industry I get a lot of accolades I get the best of the best seeking my counsel so there's this underlying understand understanding that I'm really good at what I do now within that there is then the the sort of potentially fatal flaw of thinking I should always be good at what I do or Peter Crone should always be happy or Peter Crone should always be free or Peter Crone should always be pleasant so what I've been working on to answer your question is to realize that's just not a truth I can be human I can be hurt I can be upset I can second guess myself and making space for that ironically makes me more it enhances my capacity to help others so the irony is in allowing space for me not being the best of what I do I become better at what I do because I allow for my Humanity be part of my vocation and my purpose how can somebody be comfortable when things are unfair in life and don't go their way I there's a lot of people that just stuff happens it gets in their way and it's easy to to just get upset at the world because the reality is it's just not fair and it's very unfortunate how can people respond to that I think again in words right like I I was orphaned by the age of 17 my mom died when I was seven my dad went to work when I was 17 never came back and I was an only child and no one would begrudge me if I said that was totally unfair no one they' be like that that is that's totally unfair that's awful but the expression unfair is the Trap it might be like you said unfortunate it might be unexpected it might be unpleasant but I think if we live in the world if it's unfair now we're a victim now you're so anytime we use dialogues or excuses to be a victim of anything we're pushing ourselves into that black hole of the ego where there is no resolution so I don't look at life as unfair I look at life as it's just what it is the unfairness is is in our head it's in our reaction it's in our response it doesn't mean that it's easy it doesn't mean it's what we want it doesn't mean that it's without challenges but that at some level we could say is the beauty of life like we've signed up for a pretty cool game like if I put you in front of a TV screen with a joystick to play a video game and all you had to do is your little character moov from the left side of the screen and you just move the joystick to the right and you go across the right side of the screen and then it goes congratulations you've got to level two and you're like okay and then you go to the right again and congratulations level three and you're like well at what point am I going to face someing ghouls demons ghosts or bad guys right like this game is prettying boring okay well same with life is it really unfair that we're being handed these quotequote challenges or is that part of us becoming a better player right is that part of us becoming a better human where we evolve because we're facing adversity and that victim trap is really easy to fall into and also the pessimism trap where people just feel unhappy miserable cynical because of the way I'm more than familiar with it as a human yeah I know you talk a lot about acceptance of The Human Experience and just seeing things for what they are and self-awareness has there been anything that you found to be effective for yourself when you're when you're you know feeling in that kind of when you're feeling that way to be able to get you in a more optimistic state of mind so that you can move forward and and kind of work your way out of whatever victim trap you may have fallen into for sure I think uh radical humility you know that I've worked with I don't know how many billionaires I've worked with how many incredible athletes and they all f up they all fail they kids don't like them a kid ends up in rehab you know it's like goes wrong and so humility to realize that it's not about perfecting our circumstances or ourselves right so for me that's the first place and then counsel friends people that love you you know people that care people who are willing to listen you know something that Peter cron has had to work a lot on is uh asking for help that was never a strength of mine my conditioning was such that as an only child orphaned forced into this view of being by myself figure it out all by myself so whilst it's allowed me to amass an incredible amount of capacity to deal with life and intelligence to be able to work myself out of most wet paper bags I find myself in you know I'm learning to receive I'm learning to ask for help I'm learning to afford other people the opportunity to find Value value in making a difference in my life you know the number of friends who uh of late have said it's about fing D you've helped me for 20 years I can't do for you so I'm like wow I'm not much of a friend you know so you know we all rely on the capacity to be able to contribute and help others so uh sometimes we think that we're going to be you know an inconvenience or that we're a pain in the when we ask for help but when you realize that actually people humans we love to make a difference we love to be of service so that's something that I for sure am learning to integrate is to show vulnerability to talk about my woes and let other people see one that I'm human and two it's okay and three let them to contribute so so when someone's in that space radical hum humility accept your Humanity it's okay you're not the first person to feel like a loser or failure that life is pointless that you know there's no there's no meaning to life anymore like you know W right I get it we've all been there so it's okay then share share with somebody obviously somebody that you know is kind loving cares about you you don't want to be sharing your vulnerabilities in front of people who want to cut you down they'll use it as evidence against you um but then you know in that sharing and seeing that you're held that you're seen that you're heard it's incredible how the energy of apathy and hopelessness can dissipate very quickly speaking of vulnerability and and what you just shared what would be something that it might surprise the listeners that you've asked for help for with you know recently oh gosh um so many things I mean mostly trying to think of blate that would surprise somebody you know just just in an intimate relationship romantic relationship you know asking somebody to hear what I'm going through like why why does it feel like this person is unhappy or being mean or something you know and it's confusing for me as a guy who's so sensitive caring like am I doing something wrong like questioning myself you know so asking someone just to hear me out and I'm I'm always happy to look at myself you know maybe I'm not doing what that person wants me to do or I don't know but yeah just to to allow people to listen contribute and let me become a better man a better partner or a better mind coach you know all the things that I aspire to be for the impact that I get to have on other people's lives he thanks for sharing that I mean Intimate Relationships is something that we all struggle with and it's definitely a dance but having people in our Corner that we can lean on it's definitely helpful yeah I think they're the greatest um Catalyst for evolution right because in an intimate relationship that's you know hopefully really heartfelt where we do feel love with somebody we become very vulnerable but it's only through that vulnerability that we can access these deeper levels of our own constraints right like with somebody on the street or someone in your DMs or comments on a post and like hey you're and you're you know it's like all right you might not enjoy it but it doesn't hurt so much right but when it's your partner who is giving you the cold shoulder or who's being angry or making false accusations about your character it hurt it's like that's a right it is and I think one of the hardest parts about Intimate Relationships is the unknown like how is this going to work out you know am I going to spend the rest of my life with this person if I don't spend the rest of my life with this person what are they going to say about me who are they going to end up with or whatever and so many people struggle with this as a whole and it leads them down this path of misery unhappiness lack of peace that we've been kind of talking about throughout this conversation how can somebody get better at dealing with the unknown oh beautiful question um I mean not too dissimilar to what I've been saying about the human disposition which is it's it's part of the game you know that's how I got to where I got to I went through a breakup a girl left me 20s something years ago and it was sort of the at the time felt like the worst thing that happened you know my fear of loss was very established early on when my parents died side and so I in ways that I wasn't aware of was always trying to hold on to this particular girlfriend because I was scared of loss but that was the self-fulfilling prophecy right and so I realized that you know that was precisely what I needed to recognize that I had such a deep fear of loss and it changed my whole conversation I never lost anything my parents died I didn't lose them that's a human way of contributing to this victim mindset like the question earlier about unfair it's not unfair it's difficult it's unwanted it's unfortunate you know but it's not unfair so likewise I didn't lose this person and so when I saw that and the incessant questions I had in my head of where is she is she dating someone else already will I see her again will I find love like that again you know they would just keep me up at night until one day I got the answer to all the questions and it was the same answer for all of them right where is she is she dating someone else will I see her again is she will I find love like that again the answer was I don't know I don't know that was the truth I don't know where she is I don't know if she's dating someone else I don't know if I'll see her again I don't know and at that moment to come back to your question I realize the very nature of life itself is uncertainty and it's not going to change the question is how can we adjust to what degree can we evolve to be okay with uncertainty because otherwise people are like fighting life like you know You' got two channels you can go down life is uncertain is consistent and then we with our fears and inadequacies and insecurities can always try to figure out what's going to happen right that's the rumination that people get start what about did like it's never ending it's exhausting or we can keep the consistent which is life is uncertain and I'm just going to trust I'm going to do the best I can and I'm going to allow things to unfold that goes back to your first question how can I create my dream life in 30 days well I don't know I don't know what the GNA happen you might get the worst piece of news in eight days and then you're 30day planners right but if you stay in the present if you stay in the flow of Life unfolding and you become in harmony with life now you're on to something it's not success in 30 days it's Perpetual Su it's perpetual success because I'm allowing things to be the way they are now and uncertainty is at the root of so many things I mean we talked about you talked about like Stress Management as being like a good habit somebody needs to learn uncertainty causes you know anxiety um you know nervousness worrying all the things and that can lead to other poor behaviors and I I know that like a big part of what you're going to say to me is well radical accept acceptance finding Harmony but for a lot of people that's just it's just hard especially when they're not used to it is there anything like you know you you work with people who are in super high pressure situations whether it's the baseball player that you know might have the abat in the ninth inning with the game on the line and it's got to get the base hit or the billionaire that's got to make the top level decision to move the company forward or whatever how do you help them find Harmony during moments where their nervous system is incredible potentially disregulated with one of my quotes I will tell particular my athletes I say if you're okay with every outcome then you have nothing to fear I love that doesn't mean it's easy but Jack Nicholas greatest golfer of all times surpasses even tiger with his his wins and accolades he said one of the most important parts of winning is being okay losing so instead of fighting our of a future that hasn't transpired yet no one's on no one's scared of the unknown they're scared of what their brain is putting in the unknown anxiety yes it's associated with uncertainty but it's not uncertainty isn't the cause of anxiety the anxiety is the byproduct of the thoughts that we're putting into an uncertain future that I'm going to get fired that I'm in trouble that I'm not going to make it that I'm going to die but so we're being upset by our thoughts about the future not the uncertainty of the future F right so that's where if we can be okay with all outcomes not saying that's easy then yeah I might I might find out that I have cancer tomor I might get run over by a car in a week but if I sit here and think about it I'm going to be in a state ofing suffering but if I'm okay with all outcomes no matter what what if this game this game of life isn't necessarily mine to control I'm a co-creator I do the best I can I contribute as best as I can I try to you know somehow finesse things to go in my way but what if it's all being handed to me can I be okay with that that's peace because otherwise we're just fighting our own illusion of how we want it to be but then again I said we're not I I didn't get the memo that you're in charge of how the universe is supposed to unfa that's a lot of responsibility first of all I'd rather be okay with not knowing and doing the best they can to be in harmony with what happens sticking with the the relationship example and uncertainty how can people get comfortable with the outcome like so if the outcome the worst outcome of the relationship is doesn't work out you break up this other person finds and marries somebody you're incredibly upset how can somebody get to a place where they're okay with that out with that outcome again with I get it I have so much compassion and it's really hard Just Being Human because we we're basically like little kids right so as a parent do you have kids I don't just a dog okay right so but even the dog could get anxious right like because you are the quotequote leader right you're the alpha you're the the owner so like as a parent imagine they're taking their kid somewhere but the kid doesn't know where they're going and the kid could be scared for that reason I don't want to go there daddy I don't want to go there Mommy you know how how many parents listening to this right now can relate to the fact that their kids get scared they get hurt they get upset because they don't know the bigger picture but as the adult as the parent we know that taking them to school even though they don't want to go there is part of their evolution and eventually they're going to make friends might take a couple of days but then in a week in two days two weeks they're going to be like I can't wait to go to school because I'm going to see my friend but to begin with there was that sort of intrepidation there was this feeling of like you know fear worry so what if life is like the quintessential parent that is guiding Us in ways that we resist like but I don't want to do that I don't want to do that but life is like no I understand but it'll all make sense the person that you quotequote left you and now they're married to somebody else it might take a while it could take months might even take a couple of years but then you meet somebody else who is 10x everything that you thought you had in your previous partner right we we hear about this all the time the person that got fired laid off and they're like but then you see them six months later like dude I finally started my own company that I've been talking about for years right and that wouldn't have happened if I right so it's sort of this cause and effect game so the ultimate word that I use which is by no means easy to integrate is trust trust that even in ways that we don't understand that the events of our life as they unfold even though they may seem like not what we want subjectively other nonetheless at some point going to be for our benefit and that that's not easy but that's the only way otherwise you're just perpetually fighting life and people will say but Peter I want to I want to get rid of the pain right away I want to get I want to feel good right away because I think people know that they'll find a better relationship they'll find the better job but they want it right now and but here's the irony the urgency and the impatience is the Catalyst for the pain so meaning they not they don't want to feel pain is pain is there but I don't want to feel pain I want to find love I want to find money I want to be secure so it's the resistance again of what is that creates the suffering not the pain itself you're just having a feeling you're sad there's nothing inherently wrong with a feeling it's just a feeling I feel sad I feel hopeless okay that's cool it's kind of beautiful it's part of The Human Experience yeah but I don't want to oh now you're in suffering so they can feel immediately a sense of relief ironically by allowing the feeling that they're saying they don't want yeah it's funny how things like that work out right yeah that's the matter of Being Human we we we're okay with joy I love feeling happy I love feeling positive okay well there's no different than a feeling of I don't feel happy and I feel sad and I feel pointless it's a feeling you as a human being you have this rich like you know gradient of emotions that we can all have if you make space for all of them then you're never in a state of suffering and I I wish we could just change the relationship we have with our emotions because a lot of our greatest Transformations we make come out of these from negative emotions come out of fear come out of anger come out of sadness where we never want to feel a certain way again we never want to date that certain type of person again or whatever the example is but somehow whenever we feel those emotions we're like oh this is an awful feeling I I got to get rid of it right away when that's the very feeling that's actually going to be the Catalyst for us making that change we we wouldn't have half of the freaking love stories whether they'd be songs movies books if it weren't for the feelings that people have you know that then Inspire us so is it really bad that somebody goes through a heartbreak or is that the Catalyst for inspiration for somebody else you know so again it's just making space for all of it like I said with my athletes if you're okay with every outcome you've got nothing to fear well this has been awesome Peter I really enjoy talking to you I think the audience is going to get a lot of value out of this I hope so share with the listeners if they're not already following you where can they learn more about your work I know you have uh your Mastermind program that you're promoting right now where can people learn more about that that's on the website by the time this comes out I'm sure you know we're already being the throws of that so they might miss out but they can always join a wait list for the next one um but there is also a platform a membership that I have called Freedom um which is sort of like a monthly membership where you get access to most of my content you know workshops my Flagship program for your mind it's sort of what I'm calling my own version of a conscious Netflix where you get to both experience Spiritual Awakening and human optimization so uh and then just Instagram is at Peter Crone amazing well I'll be sure to include the links to that stuff in the show notes and thank than you so much again for your time the audience is going to get a ton of value out of this thank you Doug appreciate the conversation you got it thank you so much for watching if you like this video I really think you're going to like this video as well I'll see you there

Channel: Doug Bopst

Views: 10,827

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Id: AIlyGVTrL_s

Length: 65min 52sec (3952 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 18 2024