Today I'm going to teach you how to eliminate
shyness in 60 seconds. Literally, that's as long as it takes if you
do these 3 steps. So this is going to be useful to you if you've
ever been out because I know I have. And then, you, all of a sudden, just gotten
trapped in your head. And, maybe, some of you left the conversation,
maybe it was that someone you did know entered. Whatever it was, all of a sudden, the things
that you have to say don't seem as clever or smart or funny, or even worth expressing,
and your hands, you don't know where to put them. You can't put them here, you can't put them
here. It just feels uncomfortable. So I want to help you dispel that, so that
you don't hesitate and wind up missing out on opportunities to connect with people that
you care about. The first step is going to be this. When that moment of shyness hits and the hands
don't know where to go, you feel that you've got nothing worthwhile to say, instantly,
recognize this and stop trying to do anything, and just exist. In fact, let yourself suck. What I mean by this is you can be boring. When I feel this happen to me, it happens
sometimes when I'm out at a bar or a club and I've been separated from my friends that
I find myself alone and feeling like I don't really want to jump back in the conversation
with anyone, but what I used to do was go, "Hey, you've got to; you've got to be fun. This is your YouTube channel and you're on
Charisma on Command. You got to do it," and I'd force myself in
that moment. Giving yourself 20 to 30 seconds to stand
there and go, "You know what? I'm gonna suck. I don't feel like doing this right now." It's such an amazing reboot. So what it looks like is I'll be out and I
will, literally, my hands will drop to my side. I'm not gonna smile. I'm not gonna make or create eye contact. I might wander a little bit and I'm gonna
do as little as possible. And what this does is it frees me because
what shyness is when you don't feel like the things you have to say are enough, when you
don't feel like the way that you feel is enough, or good enough to engage with other people. What happens when you allow yourself to be
boring is you give yourself that worst case scenario, right? Nothing is worse than this out in a bar or
club or a networking event, right? And what that does is it eliminates the need
to perform anything, and for me, this only takes 20 to 30 seconds before I feel myself
reset. And all of a sudden, I don't feel like I should
do anything after about 20-30 seconds; I kind of feel like I want to because, now, I'm boring
myself. Well, I just go home. But at this point, you know you fully reset
when you feel that switch from "I've got to, I need to do this," to "I kind of want to
now." Caveat here, this doesn't mean that you pull out
your phone and you text on your phone for 30 seconds. That's the opposite. That's you trying to look busy, right? That's the opposite. It doesn't mean that you go up against the
bar or stand there and try to look cool. You try to look powerful. You actually release the judgements of everybody
else. If they're gonna think you're boring--totally
fine. But you don't try to look like anything. You let yourself just go slack. Breathe deep, 30 seconds later, you're going
to feel a massive difference, and that's when step 2 comes in. So this is the Reboot Step 1. Step 2 is when we want to get started on the
right foot and you've heard me say this before, but the best way to do this is not necessarily
to jump in a conversation, but in my experience, is to go to your body. The problem with shyness is that the voices
in your head that are telling you that what you have to say isn't good enough or that
you should just shut up, that your hands are in the wrong place. Those voices are more numerous and louder
than your actual voice. You're not speaking--your interior, not exterior. We got to get you out of your head and the
body is a great place to go. I focus on three things. I'm normally concerned with my arms. I need to move these guys around, for sure. My voice, and when I say my voice, I mean
my whole vocal apparatus talking down through my diaphragm, through the pelvic floor. The deeper I can breathe, the lower I can make my resonance, the better I'm going to feel And then, of course, lastly, once I'd get
these things going, my face, my eyes, and my smile. The way I do this depends on the environment. If I'm at a club, I want to go to a place
where I can move and make all of these things be as vibrant as possible; that's the dance
floor for me. So I go to the dance floor, 20-30 seconds,
I dance, I will make noise, I would yell to my friends, whatever it is. That's going to make me feel better. That's going to make me smile, right? 20-30 seconds of that, I'm in a great mood. What if I'm not at a club? What if you're not at a club? Because we feel shy in lots of places. Well, let's say you're in an office, do it
to the degree that you can. So if you're in an office, you're sitting
in a meeting, and you're, "Okay, I'm feeling shy. Reset. Okay." Arms--my arms need to open up. Go out, expose the underside of your body,
just let it go. So, if not your body, if you're gonna expose
the underside of your arm, that's gonna make you feel a little bit more at ease. Your voice, to the degree that you can, if
you have anything, try them in, but if you can't, you can just hum it or breathing deep. That's going to engage sort of these vibrational
things that I have found are key, actually, to feeling good. And then, lastly, the face. If somebody's talking, you can look them in
the eye. You can send positive, you know, feedback,
with your smile, with your eyes. That kind of stuff is going to get you back
to a place that you want to be. Worst case scenario, you're in a 3-person
conversation. These two people are talking and you just
feel completely left out. You can't touch any of them, you can't get
big, what do you do? Well, what you can. You can stretch your arms, okay? That's step 1, not bad. With your voice, if you need to, you can actively
listen. "Oh, yeah, cool. Oh, he hadn't said that to me. Interesting, right?" You get your voice going. You get your vibrations going and I'm telling
you, it makes a difference. And, then, of course, your eyes and your smile,
look them in the eye. Give them some active feedback with this. The more that you move, the more easy that
is going to feel. So you get all of these three things in place,
which brings me to step 3. We've used up, basically, the full minute;
first half is 3 set, second half is getting ourselves off on a good foot by getting into
the body, the third thing is sealing it, because we don't want to go back into our head. So, to seal it, we find the most receptive,
nearest person that you can go speak to, and, typically, you want to use something that
is prepared beforehand. And what I mean by that is that I don't want
you to going back into your head and going, "Crap, what do I say now? What do I say to him on the networking thing? It's so dumb to ask what you do. I know what he does." Don't go back in your head. So, typically, it's good to have prepared
for these situations that you find yourself, something common that you can say to strike
up conversation. It didn't depend wherever you are. When I was in Costa Rica, I was 19 years old
when I arrived there. I was a shy kid. I didn't speak, really, any Spanish, and I
have found it hard to connect, quite frankly. But one of the things that I did inadvertently
was I would ask people because I wanted to so bad, I would ask for directions when I
already knew where I was going. So I would be on my way to the photocopier
at a class and say, "Hey, do you know where the photocopier is?" And something interesting happened as I did
this. Some people would just tell me I got to practice
my Spanish. Some people, though, would tell me, and then,
walk with me and ask me questions about where I was from, what I was doing, and, hey, did
I want to come out and hang out to the bar with them that night? And what I found was, because I was just a
different kind of person in this small town--it was called Heredia--I went to La UNA, write
it in these comments if you've been there. I'm sure some of you have. But what I found was that because I was different,
people were trying to reach out to me. Now, I get that that's not what you have,
but what I can give you are two killer prepared lines that are gonna help you in most situations,
like 95%. First one is, if you do not know the person,
and that's very simple, you walk up to them at this point, you've broken your shyness
to say, "Hey, what's up?I don't think I've met you yet. I am Charlie, may I have your name?" And what that does, that "I don't think I've
met you yet," is so powerful. You could say, "Hi," that works, but this
is better, because what that communicates is I know a lot of people here and this is
an environment in which people are saying hi, so you should be polite and friendly. It works very, very well. Take that one. Use it with people you don't know. If you're in conversation with people you
do know, or maybe someone you just met, and you can't re-introduce yourself, one of the
very simple things is to just take the phrase, "Hey, this is totally random, but..." and
then say whatever you want, and specifically, speak to a passion, speak to something you
like. So, say you like books and you're fascinated
by the kinds of books that people read, which you might say is in conversation, "Hey, this
is totally random, but have you read any good books lately?" I always like to ask people, right? or "Hey,
this is totally random, but have you actually seen any good movies? I'm looking for one that I should see this
weekend." Whatever it is, pick something that you're
interested in because, then, that topic of conversation is more likely be the one that
you're interested in. So, that is how you break shyness. I wanted to give you something just for this
situation when you're actually uncomfortable. I realize there's things you can do beforehand. You've got a whole conversation at this point
to handle, but the more that you are out of your head and in your voice, shyness will
disappear, right? You cannot feel shy when you are exterior
to yourself, only when you are judging yourself and wondering how other people are judging
you, and this is meant to break that state. So, I hope that you found it helpful. If you are interested in 60 seconds to get
confident, I have like 60 seconds to get to most of the emotions that I want to do, and
there are tweaks, depending on where I'm trying to go, but if you're curious in confidence
that's something that I use before these videos. This is something that I do when I go out,
this is something that I would do if I, you know, were speaking publicly. If you want to get that, go ahead, click the
link, the box here. If you're on mobile, click that little "i"
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I believe that I can send you an email, I'm not sure, whenever we do a new upload. So, I hope that you guys have found this helpful. I hope that this tip is good. I know shyness can be a really, really daunting
thing; I've dealt with it a lot in my own life, and this isn't intended to eradicate
it from your entirety of your life, but it is how you can stop it in the moment when
you have it, which I find is really the thing that most of us want to do most. So, I hope that you found this helpful and
I look forward to seeing you in the next video.
