How To Overcome Self-Doubt and Build Confidence | Florencia Andres

what would happen in your life in your business if you could crush self-doubt and Gain real confidence the problem is not having self-doubt the problem is what you do with that doubting yourself is not a problem the problem is letting those self-doubts run the show decide what you're going to do or not going to do that is a problem but we have Solutions today imagine you could pop a pill that would instantly give you confidence that would make you walk with confidence talk with confidence act with confidence I got the pill no side effects and it's absolutely free good morning everyone how are you today you're good okay I'm so excited my name is Florencia you can call me flow you can call me Floyd if you cannot roll your ass you can call me Florencia I've heard my name pronouncing the most creative ways since I arrived here and I love them all and I want to start with a question for you and the question is have you ever wondered what would happen in your life in your business if you could crush self-doubt and Gain real confidence that is what we're going to do today we're going to dive deep there and you're going to end this session with actionable and practical tools to do exactly that to crush ourselves out to gain real confidence what for to be do and have whatever you want because the one thing you need to be do and have whatever you want is real confidence and I will prove that to you but first if you've ever who's been to one of my sessions before people from afest yeah okay you know that I like starting with three questions and these are very easy questions because you will see the answers on screen okay first question for you is where are you okay that sounded um how do I a little bit to Estonian I love the Estonian energy I love being in Estonia the cool calm collected energy but I'm Latin let's go again where are you okay what time is it who are you this moment this moment that never existed before will never exist again and that we will create together oftentimes we're stuck in the past thinking what did I forget to do did I forget to call somebody or we're stuck in the future um what am I gonna have for lunch today and we miss the only thing we truly have which is this moment and this time that we will create together okay so I want to start today by putting an end to the confidence myth the myth that says that all successful people are confident all the time and that if you have self-doubts there's something wrong with you you know as part of my job I work with some of the best athletes in the world these are superstars talented disciplined people these are people who have worn World Cups and these are people who struggle with self-doubts on a daily basis as part of my job I work with celebrities men and women who get hired to do films famous films to host TV shows they have hundreds and thousands of millions of fans around the globe they have self-doubts as part of my job I work with entrepreneurs people who have created and sold their businesses for millions of dollars and yes they have self-doubts and out of all the clients I've ever had the most challenging one the one I've been coaching for many many years and I still coach on a daily basis guess who that is Yours Truly yes and this is what self-doubt has done to me self-doubt had me coaching some of the best athletes in the world for free for one year because I was not a sports psychologist self-doubt had me waiting over 10 years after being married to have children because I thought I didn't have what it takes to be a good mother self-doubt had me almost talked me out of writing my first book and the interesting part is I wrote the book the book sold half a million copies translated to many languages I got awards for the book and then when the time came for me to write the second book guess what happened they were all back all the sellouts were back and they were stronger than ever they had taken steroids or something [Laughter] so you know I really want to put an end to this question if you have self-doubts welcome to being a human that is how we are that is how the problem is not having self-doubt the problem is what you do with that doubting yourself is not a problem the problem is letting those self-doubts run the show decide what you're going to do or not going to do that is a problem but we have Solutions today and I brought some of the most powerful Solutions I've seen work wonders for people all around the globe and I'm so happy to share them with you today but let's get it clear having self-doubts is part of Being Human there's a beautiful Cherokee legend I love a grandfather was trying to explain to his grandson how we human beings function and so he said you know this is how we are human beings we all have two wolves inside of us one of the Wolves is competitive is scared he's always thinking what if everything fails what if I fail what if everything goes wrong and the other wolf the other wolf is energetic optimistic full of Dreams wants to achieve things is always thinking what if it works and they are in a constant battle and so the little boy looks at the grandpa and says and Grandpa who wins the battle the grandfather looks at him and says the one who wins the battle is the one you feed so we are here today to feed our good wolf and to starve the other one how does it sound great okay good and before we start there's something I want you to do please stand up and I want you to find a new place to sit move around you don't have to go too far it could be just a little change find somewhere else to sit all right you should have your new seed by now there we go who here if you're honest who here could feel the resistance building in when I said please find a new seat yeah and the rest of you you're lying I'm kidding um yeah yeah I could see you could you can see everything from here did you know that even even the people in the back you can see everything and I could see some faces and I could read some Minds going why is she doing this why is she being so annoying she's only been five minutes on stage I don't really I don't like her already I'm not doing this to annoy you I'm doing this to show you something do you have notebooks okay I want you to write the word write the word chance capital letters got it if we want to have a chance to crush ourselves doubts if we want to have a chance to gain real confidence there's one thing we need to do grab your pens Ready Steady go if we want to have a chance we need to change we need to change taught me this and I loved it and I wanted to share with you we need to change but you know what our brains are wired hardwired not to change to avoid change but we will rewire our brains today that's what we're gonna do all right now we're ready to dive deep into our four steps to crush self-doubt and Gain real confidence number one yourself easier said than done right do you ever wonder where our self-doubts come from do you ever wonder because we are not born that way we're not born with self-doubts all research shows that babies from all over the world the north the South the East the West the rich countries the poor countries they're all born with only just two fears fear falling down fear of noises all the other fears are required so when and how do we learn to doubt ourselves there is a fascinating study well fascinating and terrifying at the same time that shows that children receive an average of 45 positive comments per day and guess how many negative comments per day take a guess 200 a little less let's go up with the 200. okay children receive an average of 45 positive comments per day 460 negative comments per day so 460 times that somebody mother father teacher neighbor stranger tells us you're not good enough you're not smart enough you're not athletic enough you're not attractive enough let me do it what's wrong with your you dumb what is wrong with you and then those collection of comments that we get when we turn into adults they turn into limiting beliefs and limiting beliefs are these voices inside our heads that when we're facing something new we have a new challenge they go who Do You Think You Are who are you trying to fool this is too much for you stop dreaming be realistic I was once coaching a while ago a young man young doctor he was in his last year of medical school and he had a dream and his dream was to work in the most prestigious Hospital in his country and he said in order to achieve this dream I need to sit for an exam but there's one thousand candidates sitting for the exam and I need to come Out Among the top ten and the first thing he tells me is I have never been a top 10 student never also asked him did you study for this exam he was yeah I studied um did you give your very best yes okay my very best but you know what he said it's been so many years of studying so hard and giving my very best and I've never been even close to the top ten and if I don't make it there my dream I need to forget about it and so I told him I know exactly what you need to take I know exactly what you need to do and he says what is that and I tell him you need to take LSD the guy's a doctor he looks at me like drugs and I said nope no drugs involved in this LSD approach and this is what LSD looks like and so I tell him the L stands for listen I want you to listen to the thoughts you're having you're you're saying I've never been a top 10 student listen and ask yourself is that thought giving you confidence or stealing you confidence I guess well yeah but it's the truth I've never been adopted is it giving you confidence or stealing me god well stealing confidence can you realize that with that thought you're affirming an identity that you actually want to change he says well yes let's move to the second step and the second step is stop you need to stop those thoughts the minute they appear stop them right away and he goes how how they're popping up all the time and I tell him you will have to train yourself to stop them and this is how you can do this does anybody have a headband wristband or yeah oh great thanks I told him I want you we had 10 days from this conversation to the exam to the big exam I told him I want you to wear something like this a wristband and every time you listen to the thought you go snap stop snap stop and he goes it hurts good it's a good reminder that those thoughts hurt your identity so stop them right away and the D the d stands for there you go stop the d stands for declare there is a huge difference between listening to yourself and talking to yourself you see listening to yourself is something it just happens you're gonna have automatic negative thoughts popping up all the time maybe you can help that but when you listen to them and you stop them you can talk to yourself and you can say something that serves you and you can declare something that is in line with a new identity that you want to have and so I told him how about your new declaration is I deserve to perform at my best he said I like that okay I want you to do this for the next 10 days listen stop I deserve to perform at my best exam day finally came thousand candidates going into this very prestigious University sitting for the exam two days later the results were there and this is how they do this they print out the names of the Thousand candidates they stick them to the walls very high tech so they stick the papers to the walls and this guy needs to walk into the hallway and look for the same and so he walks in there he told me I walk in there and I start looking for my name and I go straight to the top 100 which is a place I would normally fall into my name is not there top 80 my name is not there I keep on going keep on going top 50 my name is not there top 30 my name is not there by now I'm sweating my Palms are getting all sweaty my heart is racing top 20 my name is not there top ten nine eight seven six my name is not there and he goes did I not even make it to the top 100 and so he says as I'm walking dragging myself back feeling so frustrated and sad that this didn't happen and I'm walking myself back and suddenly I get a bump from a friend who carries me by the hand and says come come on do this check this out you came out first you came out first and you see this was more than a wristband and an affirmation this was a change of identity and a change of identity can happen fast I have seen this happen in hundreds and thousands of times it can happen fast when we understand that the formula of success that we were taught is incomplete not to say it's just wrong we were taught that if we study enough and if we work hard enough we will be successful right but don't we all know people who know a lot and who work really hard but don't make it don't we all know them so in this formula of success there's one missing element the one element that if it's not there it doesn't matter how many phds you have it doesn't matter how many thousand hours ten thousand hours twenty thousand hours you put in if it's not there you won't make it confidence is the most important element in the formula of success you need to believe in yourself to be able to succeed so I want to do this with you right now guys I want you to pick a thought something that you you won't share this with anyone so don't panic everybody's like oh no here we go this one you won't share okay pick a thought or something that you know that is stopping you it could be related to your body to your finances it could be related to your relationships to your business to whatever you want something you know like this guy had the I've never been a top ten it could be I've never made the money I want I've never had the relationship I want I've never whatever it is do you have it just raise your hand will not ask you to share the wonderful thought I just wanna okay we all kind of have it I now want you to if you have a wristband do this with me if you don't just pinch yourself in the wrist and go think hold the thought and go attack or pinch and if it hurts all the better okay and now I want you to choose a declaration something that you can say to yourself every time this thought pops up that you can say to stop to stop it if you have something right write it down if not just think about it and while you write it I want you to consider this idea if talking nicely to a plant helps her grow can you imagine what happens to us when we talk nicely to ourselves it's really powerful we're still still in Step number one which is believe in yourself and I have many tools to do this I've written four books about it I want to share with you one of the tools that holds I would say one of the yeah very close place to my heart because this is something my mother used to do with me and my my brother and sister when we were children and she called it the success wall the success wall was a place in a room where she would hang frame and hang there anything she would cut she caught us doing right so there would be pictures of us there would be photos with friends there would be arts and crafts there would be POI all sorts of things anything she would see us doing well would go straight into the success wall and this was a wall that I would look at quite often because school was not always an easy experience for me I was a very good student but as from age 11 onwards I was bullied in school and I was bullied for being too skinny um that's me at age 11. and on the good days the boys would call me the magician and you would feel that's a really cool nickname right the magician not so much when you know why they called me the magician they would call me the magician because I had nothing over here and nothing over there yeah that was pretty mean and on the bad days they would call me Palo betido which in Spanish translates to a stick with clothes so often times I would come back from school crying and I remember one particular afternoon uh it was a really bad day so I came back from school I stormed into my room I slammed the door shut and as I'm looking at myself in the mirror tearing myself apart and thinking look at this chicken legs and when is anything ever going to grow here and out of the corner of my eye I suddenly see there's a new thing in the success wall so I walk over it and I see there's a poem there and I'm confused then because I thought it was not a good poem I had written it the week before and so I go to my mother and tell her why did you hang the stupid poem on the wall and she's like oh because I thought it was a beautiful poem and then she said and I think you are a writer and I remember those words resonating in me and I remember that for a minute or two I stopped focusing on the hurtful comments about my body and I lingered on the idea of being a writer 20 years after that episode I wrote my first book with my mother so there is real power in Remembering our wins and I do suggest if you don't have a success wall build one if you have children build one for your children build one for yourself you know what the power of this is because we're very used to building vision boards and that's fantastic fantastic to pull us into the future but we need a success world to remind us of all the things we've done right so having the pictures there of everything you've done so far is a constant reminder and remember your subconscious mind which by the way is in charge of 95 percent of your actions in life your subconscious mind thinks in images so if you have images that remember you constantly there's things I do right I could do hard things I can overcome obstacles that will be a great source of real confidence and real confidence comes oh and by the way make sure you renovate the success wall because I've seen success walls that have like the past successes are 30 40 years ago every six months I like to renovate in fact today when I'm done with you guys when I when we're finished I want to take a photo with you and this will go to my success wall because I love having it renovated okay do the same for you real confidence comes from remembering your wins real confidence comes from remembering all the obstacles you had to overcome real confidence comes from remembering and using your talents real confidence comes from leaning into your natural strengths but you see ever since we entered the educational system we're pushed to do the exact opposite we're forced to focus on the things we're weak at don't we so we get an A in writing and we get a D in maths and what is the conversation going to be about at home and in school the D in maths of course and we're going to worry about it and we're going to talk about it and stress about it and they ain't ready well you don't have a problem there let's you know just forget about it and just like that we get trained to not pay attention to the things we're naturally good at but pay very close attention to the ones we're not good at and then we ask ourselves why am I not confident there's um there's a method I have which is out of all the techniques I have is the one that produces the fastest results and I want to share that with you today it's called the total confidence pill imagine you could pop a pill that would instantly give you confidence that would make you walk with confidence talk with confidence act with confidence I got the pill no side effects and it's absolutely free this is a technique by the way that I have taught and I teach every Elite athlete I work with right before they go into a difficult game it's a technique I've taught my Master's Degree students in University when I used to teach there right before they went into exams it's a technique I teach my children when they want to do something that scares them a little bit but they want to do it and it's a technique I always do before getting on stage I want to teach this to you so that you have something to do right before you enter challenges you know the interesting thing is like right before we enter challenges we usually scrunch over our phones looking at somebody else's life wrong this is what you need to do in order to understand how the pill works I need you to work with a person that's sitting next to you so get in pairs and I will explain what you have to do then find someone to work when you've decided one of you will be a the other will be B if anybody's lacking a partner just raise your hand look around okay you all got it and this is listen up this is what you're going to do the pill has an effect in one minute so it's a one minute exercise okay one of you will speak the other will listen then we will switch roles what will you speak about you will tell this other person you will share your past successes oh no oh no and someone's going oh yes past successes past wins obstacles I could overcome things I feel proud of in my life this could look like I graduated I bought my first car I traveled to that country I got married I got divorced I had children whatever and here's the secret here's the secret you're panicking here's the secret if you run out of successes before I say change you know what you do you make them up no one will know okay um and then we change I need do I have a time yes so decide who is going to be a who is going to be b a raise your hand hey yeah and you go now you are a raise your hands and when I say go yeah B starts go [Applause] [Music] all right time is up [Music] congratulate your partner yeah big round of applause for you yeah who here feels good after doing this exercise say I I yes and we feel good you know why because when we start speaking about our successes about things we feel proud of about obstacles we had to overcome there's a Cascade of hormones that instantly instantly invades every cell of our bodies and these hormones not only make us feel better they make us think better they make us act better that's why I really recommend that right before you take on a challenge close your you don't need a partner to do it this which was just a demonstration you're on your own you go to the bathroom you close your eyes and for 60 seconds you remind yourself as if you're watching a trailer of your own life of things you've done right you will see how your energy changes how you speak better how you walk better how you perform better and then there's times you know when you're suddenly facing a really big challenge it could be a very big obstacle or it could be something you chose to do but suddenly you're terrified to do it and you feel that the voice in your head is suddenly super strong loud like a bodybuilder screaming inside of you you won't be able to do this what do you do then I'm going to share with you a story a recent Story one of the biggest professional challenges I ever faced was performing in this place which is called maipo theater it is an iconic one of the most iconic theaters in Latin America it's a place where ballet world-class ballet dancers perform were the best opera singers in the world perform and for some strange reason the president of Sony Music as soon as we get signed as speakers for them he says I think this is a great place for opening night are they okay all right um let's do it and so we're rehearsing one afternoon and doing all the technical rehearsals with the lights and everything making sure it would be great and a man walks in a man in his 70s tall bold he walks over to me and he says I've been working in this theater for 40 years I don't think I've heard about you what's her name and so I say I'm Florencia oh good what kind of artists are you are you a singer no no I'm not a singer okay do you play instruments no I don't play instruments sir do you dance and I'm trying to act all funny and say yeah well after a few drinks you know but uh he's not even smiling he's like what kind of artists are you and then I tell him I'm a speaker and he goes what what do you mean I'm a motivational speaker I I speak and people come and you know I'm motivated to go for their dreams and he looks at me and goes and will people pay to come watch you speak and I look at him and I say of course with a fake smile and a fake confidence and the minute the guy walks out of the room I feel like a garbage truck full of self-doubts was dumped right into my brain and I started obsessing around the thought will people pay to come watch me speak I'm not an artist who am I trying what the heck am I doing in this theater well the next two weeks were one long proof of how much self-doubt can screw you I'm talking ugly self-doubt I'm talking tossing and turning in bed all night kind of sold out I'm talking snapping at my husband for no reason kind of self out I'm talking anxiety diarrhea kind of solved out it was bad it was ugly and one afternoon I'm sitting there and I'm feeling I'm eating being eaten up Alive by self-doubts and I'm about to call their manager and say cancel this ridiculous idea of we're going to embarrass ourselves it's just going to be friends and family in this huge room let's not do it and then I remembered a mantra a very powerful Mantra that my friend Jack Canfield taught me many years ago and he said Florencia he could not roll ours Florencia I want to teach you a mantra that I want you to use anytime you want to face something that scares you that brings up anxiety in you and you will see how in a few minutes this Mantra eliminates all that bad energy right away do you want to learn it do you want learning okay um this is how we're going to do this yes I want to teach it to you so let's do this um we will I will play some music we will do a few ohms together and then we will start chanting the mantra a few times until we feel the energy shifting okay so maybe you want to hold in your head something you want to do but you're a little scared it brings a little tension makes you a little anxious think about that we will do the Mantra and see if your energy changes all right okay um you can hold thumb an index in that position let go of anything notebooks anything start breathing deep through your nose out through your mouth in through your nose out through your mouth one more time we're gonna own deep breath in one more time oh [Music] ho ho [Music] oh what the heck go for it anyway oh what the heck go for it anyway stand up oh what the heck go for it anyway use your hands oh what the heck go for it anyway oh what the heck go for it anyway we're gonna bounce on Angie ball for it anyway oh what the heck go for it anyway one more time oh what the heck go for it anyway oh what the heck go for it anyway oh what the heck freestyle it anyway oh what the heck go for it anyway oh what the heck so far hey foreign [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] I told you can you feel the energy changing yeah I'm not kidding you I started chanting that in the middle of my living room I'm going crazy my kids are looking at me like okay mom is losing it but yeah sometimes that's what we need go for it anyway go for it with the fears go for it with the doubts go for it anyway and then I need to tell the end of the story right so opening night finally came and me and my mother are in the back of this beautiful theater so we have the red velvety carton in front of us now we're standing there and we start listening to some voices it was not a loud thing but like some voices and so I said you know what maybe it's just friends and family who showed up to the theater oh what the heck I'm gonna do it anyway and when the curtain the velvety curtains started rising and it came all the way to the top my jaw dropped this is what we saw this is what we saw hey thank you full house sold out tickets people waiting in line we had to do the four the show four times we had the longest and loudest Standing Ovation we could ever imagine and this marked the beginning of her Latin American tour knowing some of the most beautiful stadiums and theaters in the area but plot twist it didn't last long this was one of the happiest days of my life it did not last long the morning after I wake up and I'm still lurking in the beautiful emotions you know how it can last for a few hours so I'm still like enjoying myself feeling so proud I get a text from my friend who says Hey I just heard um your story from last night is being covered on National newspaper it's a two-page article go get it I Rush myself out off the door I get the newspaper I cannot wait to go back home I'm sitting in the car flipping through the pages and then I see it and I go happy dance beautiful photo and I started reading the lines the first lines and I will never forget those two lines it said last night a social phenomenon took place in downtown Buenos Aires a girl with an unhealthy body weight resembling a walking skeleton was teaching other people how to believe in themselves I'm not kidding you I'm not exaggerating exact textual words and I'm holding the paper there and I suddenly feel I'm 11 years old again this happened 12 years ago okay and I can remember it as if it was yesterday and I was 11 years old again but this time the building was not coming from my classmates it was from a journalist on National newspaper I felt a wave of Shame covering me and what do you do when you feel that way you start blaming yourself so I went what was I wearing yesterday so I went back to the pictures and I'm like why was I wearing those stupid skinny black pants I should not have worn that and then I went from that to being angry super angry so I decided to call my PR and tell her you need to hunt this journalist down and explain that everything he wrote there is BS the pier is not picking up the phone so I say I'm gonna do it myself I'm gonna hunt this person down and he will have to say I'm sorry on the paper so I go back to the article and I start scanning it looking for the name of the journalist because I'm going to call the newspaper the name is not there the article is not signed and then it dawned on me that I was allowing one negative comment from someone I did not know to ruin one of the best days of my life and then when I realized that I decided to completely change the strategy I decided I would not try to convince this person about my worth I would convince myself I would not try to remind this person how much work and effort I had put into that I would remind that to myself I would not try to gain respect from him I would show respect for myself and this is how I did it and I want to teach this to you because you too will be criticized it doesn't matter if it's a national newspaper on your Instagram feed in the boardroom in your bedroom it doesn't matter if it comes from someone you love from someone you don't like that much or from a mix of both like your mother-in-law Maybe dear mother-in-law if you're watching this I love you it's a joke okay it is a joke what is not a joke though is the power that one negative comment can have in your life if you allow it to and I'm not talking about feedback here feedback helps us grow sometimes we need to listen to things we don't enjoy listening to but they help us grow right no I'm talking about blunt negativity I'm talking about those comments you know that resemble a dart with a little bit of poison in the tip that somebody throws at you just to bring you down have you ever had one of those everybody's gone so what do you do then this is where I use a strategy that I call my personal shield and I know it might sound a little immature for a 42 year old woman to say personal Shield but it works like a charm so every time you receive one of these comments what do I do I lift up my shield and I repeat to myself the following words no matter what you think about me or what you say I know who I am and I am enough can you repeat them with me no matter what you think about me or what you say I know who I am and I am enough see this Shield protects your self-esteem it protects your confidence it protects you do not let the negativity from other people become your own words have power do not let hurtful words Define who you are or what you can do or you cannot do so make sure you protect them you protect yourself you will not be able to stop negative comments from coming your way but you can stop them from stopping you you can stop them from stopping you okay [Music] step number two is this Landing well so far yeah okay step number two so we've step number one believe in yourself we've seen a few elements now step number two has to do with gaining total clarity about your life and you see lack light produces lots of things anxiety stress confusion have you ever been driving down a road and it suddenly gets super foggy and you suddenly get super stressed out because you're not seeing clearly where you're going to go the same happens to our subconscious mind when we don't have a crystal clear I don't mean you know what you want no no I mean crystal clear picture of what you want for your life it can bring up confusion self-doubt and it can bring up even depression and this is exactly what happened to me in the year 2004 I graduated from two from two universities I was doing two majors two different universities I had honors degree in both of them within four days I received my honors diplomas on day number five my world collapsed I was a great student I loved studying but I felt no passion for these careers whatsoever so on day number five I started feeling like a fraud I started feeling empty who am I now that the studying part is over and I went from being the top student in the class with very strong leadership skills to not being able to leave my house for one full year this month on for one full year all I wore was pajamas not the cute kind of pajamas no the oversized depressing kind you know them right yeah um for one full year that's all I did there were days where I would not even get out of bed all I thought was why is everybody else so clear about what they want for their lives and I have no idea what to do with mine on most days I would not leave the bed I would eventually get up to smoke a cigarette 20 times a day my husband was in shock he was not my husband back then but where was the girl he had met the energetic motivated girl he had met I was not even the shadow of that girl my hair started falling off my selfless team started falling off then this went on for one long year and then one day my mother came to talk to me my mother who happens to be a world expert in the fundamental power of self-esteem in motivation and parenting and she said Florencia I get it you feel like crap question is do you really want to feel different and I said yes of course I want to feel different but I have no idea what to do I've tried everything and she said are you willing to try something else something new I said yes and so she pulled out an orange notebook and she told me this is what I want you to do I want you to write a letter to yourself as if one year had already gone by and we're going to call this the letter of the future because the future you will stand from one year from today and will write a letter congratulating yourself for everything you've done this year so I want you to go into details I want you to think how are you feeling in your body how are you feeling with your relationships how is your professional life looking what are you wearing are you still wearing the pajamas um and so I went into detail it was really hard for me to write that letter at that point because it was at a very low point but I did and I wrote it and then she said I want you to reread this letter every single night before you go to bed some nights it felt like I was reading fiction other night it felt like a Cheesy novel I kept going I kept reading and things started to change I stopped smoking I started exercising I started seeing people I got a job it was not my dream job but it got me out of a gray pajamas um I got married my life in one year had completely turned around and so I got passionate I felt passionate about this tool and I started teaching this tool to every single person a few years down the line when I started coaching I would teach this to every person who took a program with us and I have seen miracles happen I'm talking miracles and it's hundreds and hundreds and thousands of stories of people like Franco Franco was a client he when he took the program he was in a really low point in his life he was a personal trainer he only had eight clients he could barely make ends meet this brought tension in his marriage he was not having a good time and he wrote the letter he read the letter every single night for eight months after eight months he went from having just eight clients to over 300. and his story got featured in a newspaper that that's a photo that that was featured in the newspaper I'm talking Miracles one of the most resonant cases I had with a letter of the future was a while ago I was coaching um a team that was going to play the World Cup they were The Underdogs I love working with the underdogs and the real underdogs the ones that nobody thought would make it past the first rounds and so a few months before the World Cup I told them I want you to write the letter of the future and I want you to describe in detail what you want to achieve don't just write we want to win I want the details as if you were watching a movie okay and it's it's a movie that already happened they did it they wrote the letter the World Cup started they win the first game they win the second game they win the third game everybody's kind of surprised and confused by now and they end up playing the semi-finals against one of the strongest teams in the championship I would say their strongest team in championship they win this epic game and after they win the journalists come over to this guy and they ask him did you ever dream about this moment I said not only did I dream it I wrote about it I wrote it in my letter of the future and so I wrote that today we would win under a heavy heavy rain and I even described that my father would come and hug me at the far end of the field under pouring rain and he would hug me in a way that he had never hugged me before and this is the actual footage from that game this is actual footage from that game so you know when you use these Powers with conviction they can be magical they can be transforming Clarity is powerful Clarity gives you back the steering wheel it takes makes you get control it doesn't matter where you are in life right now you can always have total Clarity of what you want to achieve and if you guys want to have total Clarity of the year ahead do you want that let's do something together grab your notebooks or not not the Nobles not not yet this is what we're going to do first I'm going to guide you into a visualization um you know the real power of visualization comes when you can make a match between an image that you hold in your head and a feeling that you're experiencing when you make that match your subconscious mind transforms so we're going to go deep I'm going to guide you through first a relaxation then a visualization and then holding that energy we will write our own letters of the future does it sound good good so find a comfortable comfortable place close your eyes I want you to start breathing deeply through your nose out through your mouth and every time you inhale I want you to imagine that you're inhaling energy and you're exhaling tension so you inhale energy and you exhale tension [Music] inhale energy to your head exhale tension from your head [Music] inhale energy to your neck and shoulders exhale tension from your neck and shoulders inhale energy to your chest exhale tension from your chest inhale energy to your belly exhale tension from your belly [Music] inhale energy to your hips exhale tension from your hips inhale energy to your legs exhale tension from your legs I want you to picture there's a white light that will come up through the soles of your feet and this white light pure Crystal Clear light will clear your system it goes in through the soles of your feet up through your legs up through your hips up through your belly I threw your stomach through your arms to your chest and it goes all the way to your head [Music] and now I will count down from five to zero and when we arrive there you will be landing in the middle of your brain you will dive deeper and deeper into the center of your brain five dive deeper four deep into the middle of your brain three two one zero you're in the middle of your brain you're sitting in the middle of your brain in a comfortable chair you're facing towards your eyes and now you see that a few meters in front of your eyes ahead of your eyes is a big wide screen colorful high definition the best screen you've ever seen and in this screen you will start projecting the images of the year you will have ahead as if they were already happening abundance is your Birthright and every creation starts here so we will start creating with abundance I want you to think of your relationships friends family what is your relationship with them in the year ahead how do you feel [Music] think about your body Health Fitness how does your body look like what exercise are you doing what food are you nurturing your body with how do you feel how do you look [Music] I want you to think about success what does success look like in the year ahead what would need to happen in your life to call it successful see the images describe them feel the emotion [Music] what projects are you creating who are you creating them with how is the energy among you see the images feel the emotion [Music] think about your personal growth now how are you going to grow this year what are you going to learn what will you let go of that doesn't serve you anymore create the images feel the emotion and now you see in this wide screen ahead of you a mixture of images that describe the year ahead and it could be a mix of experiences travel people words just make a mix of these images and the screen will gradually start moving farther and farther away into the horizon it's not going away it's just waiting for you on the other side of this amazing year that you have ahead of you [Music] feel gratitude you can smile and inwardly say may all of these things or something better manifest in my life take a deep breath in and a deep breath out one more time deep breath in deep breath out now holding this energy I want you to write down in your notebooks your letter of the future and a good way to start is dear you put your name I want to congratulate you for everything I've been seeing you be do and have this year write down a few of the things you saw you will continue this letter but I want you now to take a few minutes and write this down foreign the year has already gone by you're writing from the future congratulating yourself for everything you've done everything you've overcome everything you've changed [Music] go into the details [Music] and you will be able to continue and I will encourage you to continue writing the letter of the future and not only to continue writing it but to continue reading it read it every night before you go to bed it will take you three minutes to reread it and it's the best thing you can do before you go to bed you know that the last thing you read you talk about or you see is the thing that your subconscious mind works on the entire night so make sure you read something that nurtures that okay and there's one more thing I want you to do with this letter which is something that seals the energy of this letter and I love how everybody is still writing and I love to see you so engaged with your letters of the future because this is a magical tool as I have shown I want you to whatever you've written hold that in your hand and I want you to repeat the following words with me as we said words have power and the words we say to ourselves have immense power so if after reading this letter you can say things like let's use together this is me I was put on this world for a reason [Music] I am not here to fit in I am here to stand out I am not here to hide I am here to thrive abundance is my Birthright confidence is my Birthright I deserve to have my dreams come true I believe in my dreams and I believe in myself big round of applause for you yes thank you and I want you to keep me posted on what happens in your lives after you re-read this letter every night okay keep me posted because those are my favorite stories of all all right we're ready to move on now we've seen step number one believe in yourself step and by the way Niraj I just saw you here did you guys love the track that we use for the oh what the heck go for it anyway the truck was given to me by Niraj so applaud for him that was amazing we might have to play it again at one point um okay so we step number one believe in yourself step number two Gain total Clarity and now step number three has to do with taking action who here agrees with this statement information is power raise your hand who here does not agree with a statement information is power okay those few hands there you're my people I don't believe information is power I think we'll leave it an information overdose era you can Google just about anything you can know anything but you know what there's a big difference between knowing things and actually doing them So reading a million articles on blogs about becoming an entrepreneur does not make an entrepreneur and reading information about losing weight does not make you lose a pound right that would be great right so I truly believe that information plus action is power information plus action is power and the number one thing that stops us from taking real action is a habit that by the way creates a lot of self-doubt and this habit looks a little bit like this you know what you got to do but you don't do it you say you're going to start eating healthy but you say well on Monday you know you're going to work on your business plan but then you say one more episode in Netflix you know you're gonna wake up but you hit the snooze button do you know what happened I'm talking about of course procrastination we all know it we've all felt it I know exactly what it feels like and I know and listen to this procrastination has nothing to do with being lazy I'm going to say that again procrastination has nothing to do with being lazy we'll share with you one of my most embarrassing moments most embarrassing procrastinating moments I had 24 hours left to hand in my final edit of the fourth book to penguin Random House I had been heavily procrastinating on doing that edit for a couple of days but then this is Sunday I had to head it in on Monday and I said this is it no more procrastination so I take the computer to the living room I get all set there I get my water you know how you need lots of things to get started I get the water I get the nuts I get everything and as I'm about to start out of the corner of my eye I see a yellow stain on the curtain not only do I see it I think I can even listen to the curtain saying come wash me come wash me and so I tiptoe my way to the curtain I tiptoe my way back to the laundry room I sit back with a ladder I get on the ladder and as I'm unclipping the curtain I look at all of the other curtains and I think if I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it right so I started on clipping all the curtains in the living room and as I have them all set on the floor I am now excited I'm not tiptoeing I go back into the laundry room I get the cleaning products I'm on my knees there with the brush everything I'm even doing the you know this is something I do I don't know I do the bun that means business I'm in business you women know what I mean so I'm there channeling the Marie condo in me at a really appropriate time and my husband walks into the living room and she looks at me and says what exactly are you doing I'm clearing the curtains weren't you supposed to be finishing the edit this was it they do it right now edit of the book well yes but who can edit the book with all this dirty curtains lying around he looks at me like you just landed from Mars lady what's wrong with you there's two main reasons why you procrastinate two main reasons but first before I say them does this happen to you ever are you brave enough to say yes I do procrastinate sometimes the productive procrastination like cleaning the curtains sometimes they're really unproductive one like I'm just gonna do five minutes of Instagram and then you know how that ends right two hours after that you're still in the couch looking at the photos from this friend you haven't heard of in 20 years yeah we've all done that two main reasons why we're procrastinate because in our defense procrastination has nothing to do with being lazy reason number one what we procrastinate is because we are stressed out by that thing that we got to do and our brain is designed to protect us from that stress and so it will redirect our attention elsewhere the curtains Instagram the messy drawer in the kitchen so that is reason number one and the one thing that creates a lot of unnecessary stress is a doubt so the reason why I was procrastinating heavily on doing that book is because I was full of self-doubts I was feeling what if this is the one book that I really fail at what if my editor think it's crap what if my readers think it's more of the same thing so as I'm having all the subtlets of course when I finally get myself to work the brain goes what we can't take this anymore go elsewhere so reason number one deal with your self-doubts stress will come down procrastination will also lower reason number two and so procrastinate because we just don't feel like doing it right we're not motivated we're not motivated we we think we gotta feel like doing things in order to do them right and if we don't feel like doing them we have a motivation problem and this is what I call the motivation trap we we feel we gotta do things otherwise we feel we got a motivational problem well it doesn't work that way let me explain it this way who here has children raise your hands okay quite a few of you so you will understand do you ever tell your children um it's time to take a shower and they gracefully proceed to do so does it happen in your homes never happened at home never do you ever tell them it's time to turn the iPad off and they go yes I thought I had just had enough screen time for today Mom closest iPad grabs the book no do you ever tell them we're gonna have chicken and broccoli tonight and they go oh thank you for offering a healthy option I was so done with all those french fries and ice cream no and if it happens they're aliens they're not kids no it doesn't work that way and what do we parents do do we tell them oh honey you don't feel like taking a shower even though I can smell you from a block away skip the shower until you feel like it because you don't feel like it oh honey you don't feel like turning off the iPad you look like a zombie there you've been hypnotized for hours don't worry if you don't feel like it just keep going you will feel the urge to put it away at one point no what do we say we say okay you don't feel like it fine you still gotta take a shower you still gotta turn off technology and this is what we're having for dinner don't we now for some reason we adults feel we gotta feel like doing things otherwise motivational problem you know I have I think I have over I don't know half a million followers in Facebook and Instagram there's not a day that goes by without somebody saying I'm lacking motivation and I said you're not lacking motivation you're not understanding motivation you see we envision motivation as this Fairy Godmother that will come to our doorstep on Monday morning always and she will go hello here I am I'm here to help you fulfill all your goals you didn't want to go to the gym today let me walk you to the gym see now we're going now you're motivated it doesn't work that way and this is a very tricky fairy because when you most need her she won't show up she won't show up so we need to stop waiting to feel motivation because many of the things we need to do we won't feel like doing them we just won't feel like doing them anything that requires effort the brain doesn't say yes let's go let's do it no so we need to stop waiting to feel motivation and we need to start creating motivation and the best way to do that is let's see what do you think is the difference between being interested in something and being committed somebody tell me you know let me know what you think is the difference between being interested in something yes sorry to take action that is a big difference anything else the difference between being interested and being committed in something the intensity to the emotions attached to it consistency with what you're doing passive or active you're interested in someone and we can be interested in a lot of people right but then you commit to someone see that's the thing we could be something else something different yeah you stay with it you don't quit absolutely we can be interested yes some kind of you have some kind of accountability system of course yes sorry when you're committed you are you have a plan absolutely thank you you have a plan so we can be interested in a million things and it's fine it's great to have a lot of interests you know it's great you can be into I'm interested in so many things I'm sure you're too I'm interested in arts in in traveling in books in plants in animals in surfing in Harry Styles love life I'm interested in so many things but nine of those will create transformation for me none of those and the thing is that if we have many interests but we go switching from inter today I'm interested in healthy eating right maybe in two weeks I don't feel like eating healthy anymore out the window new interest new interest commitment is a promise you make to yourself commitment is a promise you make to yourself and one of the best ways to gain real confidence is to stick to the promises that you make to yourself even if you don't feel like doing it because you're committed to something one of the biggest athletes of all time Muhammad Ali said I never felt like going to the gym I did not like training I never felt motivated to go I did it anyway why because he was committed to becoming a champion and that commitment pushed through and that commitment kills procrastination and that commitment really creates change so now I want you to think about one thing maybe it has to do with what you wrote in letter of the future one goal that you have for the year ahead and I want you to commit to one thing not 10 not 20 one one thing so a goal you have let me let me share something I will do my goal for the coming years so the goal does not have to be achieved in one year it could be for coming years my goal for the coming years is to launch fully launch my brand in English everything I've done is in Spanish markets thank you um so my books my course is everything one thing I commit myself to doing in the next 12 months is to be a speaker in as many English spoken events as I possibly can that's a commitment it's short it's something specific it's anybody of you could ask me in one year so how many speaking engagements did you have okay I want you to do that for yourselves pick one commitment something it could be related to work it could be related to your body it could be related to your health it could be related to traveling it will be related to the time you spend with your family whatever it is one thing you you think this I commit to write it down short specific when you have it raise your hand so I know how we're doing okay we'll still need more time don't write a book you guys it's it's a it's a short commitment okay your commitment could be to write your book how are we doing show of hands how are we doing with the commitment okay final 30 seconds for the ones who are still deciding what you're going to commit to you know there's an interesting thing have you ever done this thing of saying this year is the one year I will fill the blanks quit smoking start exercising but I won't tell people just in case you know just in case that just in case is putting a question mark next to your commitment the moment we put the question mark next to the commitment the brain gets confused and it starts going are we doing it or are we not doing it and then your energy dissipates instead of being laser focused it goes everywhere so you want it laser focused to one commitment show of hands how are we doing okay we got it and this is what we're going to do next if you want to change something in your life there's three things you got to do you gotta think about that you go to write about the new reality that you want to create and you have to talk about the new reality that you want to create so you just thought about it you just wrote about it and now comes the Talking part and this is how we're going to do this you're going to make your commitment public I can see the horror faces you will make your commitment public because why because this will add power to your commitment this will add accountability to your commitment this will add a lot more energy trust me and there's hundreds of people here in the room today so use this energy to build your confidence and your commitment and this is how we're going to do this when I say go you will stand up and your mission your mission without going crazy to completely crazy just with the people around you you can walk a little bit okay I want you to meet as many people as you can and share your commitment it's going to be super short it needs to be my name is Florencia my commitment is to be a speaker in as many speaking English events as I can in the next year she or he shares his thank you goodbye and we move on okay your your mission is to find as many people as possible in the few minutes that I'm gonna give you to do this so please stand up on your marks get set go [Music] as you guys are taking back your places I want to do something with you that the brain loves doing which is putting together and thinking what is the most important thing I learned today so before we move on to our next step I want to know who of you would like to share what was that thing you learned okay we have hands here if if we can go with a mic around what did you learn what did you experience what was the most important thing you felt yes the most important thing is definitely going to be that letter and reading it every night and just feeling Perpetual celebration for all the things that I've already done you know really celebrating all of the the harvest that we've already had perfect even though you're waiting for the next one they're they're celebrating in the first one which is beautiful thank you congratulations thank you we'll keep kids in my going let's just lower the music a little bit not not entirely yeah my insight is that um whether you feel like it or not that's the one just working the commitment every day one hour on my article yeah yeah for commitment yes give it a hand let's move on okay there's hands all over okay okay you just okay oh sorry glitter my name is Clara and I have been doing the future letter for almost one year and it works and it works so hard it's amazing and what I learned today is that sometimes I feel guilty for not being just believing in myself all the time so it's amazing to see you there being so vulnerable and so open to everybody just you just need to believe in yourself but sometimes you can't and it's fine it's part of the way it's totally fine I doubt myself every day having self-doubt is not the problem what you do with them that's in your hands thank you hello I'm Carolina from Peru well actually for me was the same takeaway as Clara I before I used to feel bad every time I had self-doubt but now I realize that it's okay and the most important thing is what you do with it and I'm gonna definitely gonna do My Success walls so thank you very much for it great hi Florencia hey my name is Amani and I have to say I'm crying tears of joy because just saying this commitment out loud and feeling it I feel like it's already it's already happening so that's what I learned it's on its way thank you yeah hello my name is Carolina and your story I resonate so much with it I had the same and what I take from this is the confidence Bill I've never seen this before and it's wow it's so easy so effective it is I just remember I was like what should you have done so good thank you thank you thank you very much okay I'm shital from USA thank you so much for this my takeaway is even if I'm scared to be Fearless I'll keep feeling the good wolf and not wait for the bad wolf to go away it's gonna be there but it's what I feed yes yes yes let's have two more hi my name's Leslie from Scotland and mine is to take the Mantra oh what the heck I'm going to do it anyway in the context of my procrastination which is about working on my core health and I aim to be have the health level of being at least five years younger than I am today yes yes even though I think I'm a confident person and I usually just go for it anyway you just made me realize that I do have the ability to self-doubt when it comes to my own work and what I'm doing and even though I was planning here to just sit on coming here to just sit on my computer and do my bookkeeping sanity the back back row here as you can see me standing here yeah I know you people in the back road I'll do that yeah I was completely engaged the entire time and I really really enjoyed your presentation so it overpowered my bookkeeping needs thank you thank you very much all right so we are now ready to move on to our final step a quick reminder we have believe in yourself we've had a few tools there gained total Clarity we've had a few tools there we got take action stop waiting for motivation created with a commitment and now we're moving on to our final step step number four which is a lot more than a step it's an attitude towards life it's an attitude that our ancestors had very very clear they worked by it they lived by it previous generations were it was her way of living but currently it seems like the modern world is pushing us to believe that everything that is not an overnight success is a failure and so we read all the stories in social media about how I lost 50 pounds in in Fortnight and how I became a millionaire in a weekend and we all feel a little bit like am I going too slow do you ever feel like that is my progress not being fast enough am I dumb or something well no no if you really want to crush self-doubt if you really want to gain total confidence in yourself there's one thing we need to know we need to persevere we need to persevere there is a there's a tree that is called the Japanese bamboo and this could be considered the slowest growing tree in the world the bamboo grower plants the seed are from why entire year he sees nothing just soil but he keeps taking care of the seed he Waters it he takes care of it the second year what happens nothing he sees nothing just soil third year the same fourth year that can you imagine five years taking care of a piece of land and nothing is happening but he keeps going he keeps going and then after six years and seven months out of the surface of the Earth pops out a plant that grows 32 meters in a month five centimeters per hour this means that if you watch at this plant you look at it closely you can see it grow the question is what was happening in those six years and seven months where apparently nothing was going on what was growing the roots and these were strong roots to support the explosion of growth that would one day take place so if your dream is taking a little bit more than you expected keep working on it keep working on it keep going keep going it will eventually happen if you don't give up if you don't think where's my plant what's going on here nothing is going on here I'll just leave it alone the roots are growing keep going you know we all have different dreams we're all very different here we have different dreams different lives different pasts different Futures but we all have one thing in common we were all born with total absolute confidence it is our Birthright so we can claim it anytime we want and today I've shared some powerful tools to do exactly that to claim your confidence back and you can do this by believing in yourself and believing in yourself starts the moment you decide to stop all those thoughts that are not helping you that are not affirming the identity you want to have LSD listen stop declare build your success wall build it and flood your subconscious mind with your past successes with the things you were proud of and you will see what happens you will see the effect and keep going take the total confidence pill before you have to do a challenge think about those successes hold them in your head that's the thing to do before us for a real Challenge and when everything tries to stop you what do we say oh what the heck go for it anyway we use a powerful Mantra and we can use our Shields our personal Shield when negative comments come our way when people want to bring you down when they want to bring your project down you put up your personal shield and you say no matter what you say to me or what you think I know who I am and I am enough and then you work on gaining total Clarity you gain on Clarity you dissipate the mental fog that lack of clarity creates you read your letter of the future every single night and you will see what happens and then you take action you beat procrastination by stopping to for the motivational fairy to arrive she's not going to come nobody's come to tell you stop scrolling start working on your business but nobody's coming but you can do that for yourself how with commitment with a very strong sense of commitment and then don't give up do not buy the stories that say that everything needs to be a success overnight persevere keep working and you will see miracles happen in your life and the moment to start doing this the best moment to start doing this is should we say it all together the moment is here now and in this moment thank you people very very much this has been our pleasure [Applause] [Music] [Applause] thank you [Music] thank you thank you oh wow thank you thank you thank you thank you you're amazing [Applause] [Music] thank you [Music]

Channel: Mindvalley Talks

Views: 47,798

Keywords: mindvalley, ted talk, Inner spark reignition, Overcoming self-doubt, Dealing with stress and anxiety, Broken record thinking, Empowering phrases, Boosting self-confidence, Winning mindset, Importance of self-belief, Empowering self-talk, Overcoming adversity, Resilience building, Overcoming relationship challenges, Quality of life, Self-care and self-love, Relationship with self, Personal growth, Changing mindset, Success stories, Winning strategies, Motivational stories

Id: taKKPazpBQk

Length: 86min 7sec (5167 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 06 2023