How to Make Your Husband Feel Loved

I'm going to ask my dear friend Kelly for Julian to come on up here would you welcome her Kelly and I have been friends for over 25 years I was thinking about that this morning cuz I was expecting Jonathan at your wedding that is right and 25 and Shelley and her husband Mark are Greg's and my some of our dearest friends I won't say it's hard to say best friend isn't it but I mean it really they're just together the two of us then we're best yes that's right we we have a relationship that goes back many years now and um the one thing I've always appreciated about Kelly and I wanted her to come up and share some of this um about her life with you this morning is her marriage to Mark and I've watched them over the last 25 years in the very beginning of their marriage and now after 25 years and it's been a it's been like a garden that is just yet you need to produce fruit and grow and I love that about you Kelly because she never stays in one spot she's always continually learning and trying to improve in this area and so I'm gonna turn it over to Kelly she's awesome things to show well Greg actually performed our ceremony Greg and Ricki Ryan another Calvary pastors so we started out with some great pastors given us the ceremony so we had say that was good so well like Kathy said I've been married for 24 25 years every 25 years in January yeah I don't know how long I've been married about how long you've been in a long time accurate I know I've lost kid yes I'm sure it's 30-something 36 36 it's not right that yes Shelly knows amazing 36 years so I um you know I wanted to I have a little funny thing that I wanted to read because my topic today is how to make your husband feel special and sometimes that's a little uh you know easier said than done and so I heard a funny story I thought I'd start with and it says while attending a marriage seminar on communication Tom and his wife peg listen to the instructor declare it is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other he addressed the men can you describe your wife's favorite flower leaned over and touched his wife's arm gently and whispered pillsbury isn't it hahahaha that's pretty good yeah it is good because you see he was really right Pillsbury but it's not really what I'm sure peg wanted to hear so I'm sure the rest of the marriage seminar was exciting for them so that leads me to where I want to start with you and again 25 years it was probably about the three-year mark that I realized you know this is a little more difficult than I thought it was going to be my husband and I are both believers you know real strong in the Lord but it was getting to be tough and I think it's because we try to do so much in the flesh and then we simply don't know what to do I did not know how to be a wife I mean that's a brand-new thing so as the Lord would have it one of my friends was teaching a Bible study and that's always where we should go to the Lord when things are getting tough trust me he will bless that and and answer those questions and so this book you can be the wife of a happy husband was the first thing I started love the title it is and you know it is right you know it's it was a 16 week course and um you know just I did not really know and I'm sure you new wives and some of you who you know have been married a while we need to seek the Lord and seek advice from his word and so she was so great because I can see without my glasses one of the things that she says right off the bat on page 11 but change takes time so be patient and let God do the changing rely on him to build or rebuild your marriage some Psalm 127 says rely on accept the Lord builds the house you labor in vain who build it let the Lord build your house so I realized right off the bat okay I need to let the Lord build my house I need to seek his word and what he his design for marriage and what he wanted for me absolutely as a godly woman and as we all know building a house is not an easy thing it is not and it takes time yes but it starts with a foundation doesn't and if that don't lay that properly yeah things are off wack aren't they totally yes so there was one other little things she said here that I wanted to read and that was as you love your husband this is chapter 3 and it's titled accepting your husband as he is as you love your husband unconditionally without demands and ultimatums you will see him draw to you like steel to a magnet hmm and on up in here she says God loves and accepts you unconditionally you are not on probation with him unconditional love and unconditional love and acceptance then should be the basis of your marriage and that's where I started ok the Lord loved me unconditionally and accepted me for who I am yeah so that is what I need to do in my marriage so that's where I started seek out something if there's if you're having trouble this book the excellent wife is in print right now Kathy is and the oh this one is not you might find it on Amazon used books but all these other books that Kelly has a mirror if you want to come browse we have downstairs available for you book table so yes cuz this is an excellent excellent book the excellent wife mm-hmm and she actually what I liked about this book was okay she takes it a little one step deeper and for example she takes um first Corinthians 13 and you know love is patient love is kind she takes every one of those words and puts a practical oh yeah application to each one of those and she does one I'll share in just a second and then this is another one of Martha Mises books here because really ladies it starts with our attitude do you have the attitude that you're going to serve the Lord first and that he is a priority that you want to be a godly woman and that you want to have a great marriage oh no quite and so anyway I needed some help and this is where I got my help and some other and also being in a Bible study with a lot of other women who wanted to save their marriages wanted to have good marriages wanted to seek the Lord yeah you know because the first 30 minutes of that Bible study I thought okay this is gonna be so great I'm gonna this is gonna be I'm gonna find out everything mark needs to do and how I can do everything it was you know about an hour into it I realized oh this is about me and my relationship with the Lord and he what he wants from me and again you know you follow along with that and he will bless your marriage so next I was just gonna share some practical things that I like to do to make my husband feel special now you know like the little story I told you everybody's husbands are different but one thing my husband travels occasionally so I like to take an opportunity when I see an opportunity after 25 years to make him feel special I like to take him you know I like it okay so I take I put little cards in his suitcase this is represents marks little suitcase a shiny bag here and I put little cards love notes in his suitcase not just telling him that I love him but also thanking him for being a great dad for being a good husband for being a great provider saying thank you to our husbands yes you know so I and I and when they're away on a trip and it's quiet like that they can really read a good note so sometimes I'll do that um you know there's always fun things you can do to like you know he just loves good and plenty so I put pulls right oh he loves candy so I put the why is the healthiest eater yeah he's a very healthy man likes his candy is a healthy guy with a sweet tooth so I am you know put a little fun things in his suitcase so that when he's gone um he can you know quietly see that I love him and yeah and then again it just is fun for me to do those things well then another practically speaking when Mark goes on a vacation or on a business trip when he comes home I make sure there's no chaos in the house I'll even go and take our daughter over to um you know his mother's to her grandmother's house I have the house peaceful and quiet and again I take another opportunity I'll fix something really nice and um this is kind of funny but I'll have him come around to the front door and ring the doorbell as if he's coming over for a fancy dinner okay and you know and he will come and ring the doorbell and I welcome to and make a nice dinner and honestly 25 years I mean that you're just excited to have him into that front door his hardened sounds a little bad about some sweet fat precious those of you who know mark that's just a real insight into the easy yes if you can imagine personality the opposite of Kelly he's very stoic on the outside he's very calm and reserved and Kelly's just all sunshine and out flowers everywhere but a mark on the inside has this tender spot the alias discovered it yes and so he likes to have fun like that and again you have to plan to do special things for your husband yeah you know seize the moment yeah when an opportunity comes when we plan to go out you know to dinner we spending you know a couple hours picking out what we're gonna wear how much more important is it to plan to make our husbands feel special so um so that's one thing you know another thing too and Martha piece mentions in her book here on love is not jealous under first Corinthians 13 and then practically speaking she says love is not jealous that your husband gets to take a fishing trip you know don't complain don't be jealous that he gets to have hobbies and have a life they'll come at time here 25 years later you're gonna wish your husband had some hobbies so trust me you need to nurture those things right now it's okay yes it is okay and again I just loved it you know I wouldn't have thought about that word jealousy you know so anyway at my house my husband graduated from USC so he is a big supporter of their USC football program so I have printed out the USC football schedule it's just from October to December so I know that from October to December I'm gonna make sure that every one of these dates my husband um has a fun time at home that's important to you yes do you love us all Kelly it's not my family see that's the point I mean she found out yeah what was important to mark yes and obviously the USC football games right and you made it important to you yes just so great yes and I think that is the key it's again the flour story it's not what I want mark to have to make him feel special it's what mark wants to have and believe me they know the difference they do they see the difference so I am you know fixed nice food I make it quiet I sit and watch and I go one step further I got our daughter a little USC cheerleading outfit she dresses up the whole family gets involved and we make marks day really really special so yeah you know yeah so you know nurture be happy for them nurture their hobbies well I think you do that when you're dating and then you get married and then all of a sudden I got them now and I'll let him go yes you know when you're dating with them you found out they like football boy you're all you know all the team members names and you're all excited yes sometimes when you settle into marriage you'd let all those things that you work dad when you were dating fall away and that was that's get sporty surprising to a husband don't you think yeah it is I'm sure and nothing would hurt marks feelings more than you know and this is not a you hear people oh I hate football you'll hear a wife say that right after a husband has said he likes something and they don't think about it because we're so comfortable with one another husbands and wives but I do believe that that you know it's kind of a little knife to their heart so we need to be gentle in our speech when they find someone who is interested in foot bill that's very true that is true so the next thing that I wanted to talk about was this is my husband's grandmother's cookbook from 1942 it oh my goodness yes and so my I take really good care of my husband's parents I love them I try to keep I'd cook some of his grandmother's recipes I care about my husband's past that's important to mark that I nurture him and remember his past remember his you know he played baseball and did all kinds of things like that that makes him feel special that I know who he was before we got married and still feel alive and it's fun you know and that's that that's the point I want to make is when I started here it was it was work trying to please my husband but it was work I knew the Lord wanted me to do by the time I'm here at 25 years it's no longer work it's a joy and it's fun and that's the Lord that's the Lord and that transmission that everybody you know that you know that starting out marriage and is struggling and complaining and just finds it so difficult if they would just see it's it is like a garden and it's not the kind of thing where you call up you know your grocery delivery man and he brings all the bountiful pros to your front door you get out there in the garden and you work the soil and you plant the seed and you water and you wait and you pray and you and then comes the harvest and it doesn't come necessarily in the first year two or three years it comes after 25 years you start reaping this bounty of a relationship that you've sown with your time and your energy and then then comes the blessing and you wish you wouldn't throw in the towel so eaten early and 2mb and you know i want to encourage you and that we don't know how to do those things that's why we have the Bible yes you know in the Holy Spirit they let the Lord teach you and be humble in that you know this may be an area that you want to learn more about and grow in or that you're not so good at you know be humble about that the Lord will totally honor that you know I just have somebody said oh you forgot your coffee cup up here well no my husband just loves Pete's coffee and so even spur the moment if I'm driving by a Pete's and I'm on my way home I'll stop in there and get him a Pete's coffee and bring it home it may not be piping hot by the time it gets there but you know what it's a thought that says I love you in a very simple way sees that and really appreciates that great so on over here my last little side is another thing that I do is um mark he always writes little love notes now he's not the biggest person to say a lot of stuff you know you're sharing this with us didn't yeah he does oh yeah he does he's awkward he just said don't open it now what do you all want to do I and and the reason I'll tell you this is why you'll know and he is playing with it too is that um I save everything that he writes and and I got past the attitude of well I wish he would say it more instead and now I appreciate that he writes it and little scraps of paper and little notes and I save everything and I'll tell you the more he sees me saving these notes the more he writes so when they know you appreciate something they keep it coming all that's special yeah and another thing about this is that um when I may be having a day where need to peek in there and see that he is kind and he is loving and he's you know considerate or whatever I have this you know um be reminded they're great reminders you know forget not your blessings the Lord says I actually have one with cards and notes and stuff from my friends that I look at occasionally to what I need encouragement in the Lord in that area idea Kelly we're so quick to to forget those things and the enemy is so quick to remind us of that that we don't have it the way we feel about ourselves when we feel bad realizing the thought is surrounded us we Lessing's we've just failed to to count them in to see them and to save them yeah memories and well you know that verse you know dwell on what is good and true and right and pure and if you actually have something there in front of you where you can open it up and see and it is funny when I open it up and look at it I think oh goodness he wrote bad I mean it they're great reminders I am he is again great with the notes he writes them to Mia all the time so I have a saved a little tiny made one little one for me I can open Mia's here and show you and again nothing fancy just little notebooks or else you won't do it if you try to make it to put too much into it too involved you don't need a fancy box write it in here this is a really really good testimony to my daughter I want my daughter to appreciate the notes that her dad writes her and I want her to look for a man who may do the same thing I think it's a just a great example and so right down here is where we end up um mm-hmm after 25 years what we're doing now again you we never stopped working on our marriage no you don't this is the book that we just took on our vacation with us to Mexico it's called love and respect excellent book widely available this one right Kathy yep that is sound stirs yes and um you know mark and I actually talked about respect and I could tell him he's looking for some respect and I did not I thought I respected him I think he's the smartest man I've ever met but he had some different ideas of what respect was so again we get a book we read the book and one fun thing that Mark and I like to do is you can see that handwriting here in pink that's me highlighting what I think is important and then oh and look here's some yellow this is mark highlighting what he thinks is important and then we talk about it as well and again after 25 years we made a few cracks and we have a few jokes about you know the marriage book says and I mean you know if we have fun with it is good too so um you know I oh I wanted to say too that there's that myth that a way to a man's heart is through his stomach but I has found that the way to a man's heart is through respect mm-hmm and and there's a lot of things you know our speech is one way to be respectful how do you talk to your husband how do you talk to him in front of your children or in front of other people are you condescending short with him that's all really disrespectful stuff that they don't like um do you value his choices even if they're not right we are to submit to that you know my husband's a believer I have to allow the Holy Spirit to convict mark in his choices and when they're believers are not believe absolutely have to give room to the Holy Spirit and not be the first to stand and correct all the time cuz we want them to be shaped by God absolutely not by us so we have to allow that to happen in their lives you know font and finances is a big thing right now if your husband wants you to be frugal be frugal that's extremely stressful and disrespectful when we don't do what they ask us to do in that department it's right and then for me to give him time to come around um you know if you know my husband says something and I let him just go and again the whole love iteration I didn't love long-suffering long-suffering patient and long-suffering and it's in that what's so beautiful about that is that's what the Lord tells us to do so when I do that every time he comes right around you know so again you see God's um you see God's Word in action and working and it's a cycle you just want to do it more and more and more because you see him so um then the other thing we do or devotionals together and Greg has a really good devotional here it's got two of them um and then we have a family one we do also with our daughter but doing a devotional together is a great you know heart softener you know you're pretty nice to each other after you sit down and do a devotional with each other right blessing if you have a husband who's some believer I mean yes so many times we don't even pray together now go our separate ways yes what a great blessing it is to start the day and end the day yes oh we're together um that one of the last things to is we again we read books together all the time and highlighted and the different colored highlighters I chose this one it's by dr. Dobson and says what wives wish their husbands knew about women yes so II see you can get them to read a book like that and again find out what they think and stuff so um you know to end up after 25 years again it started out as work but now has ended up at being a real joy and a lot of fun to do and I and Mark and I have a really great marriage I know you do yeah I know it's because you've given it to the Lord and look to him to help you and never stop learning and never stop growing and in marriage you know it's the closest human relationship that you will ever have apart from your release relationship with the Lord and marriage is actually a reflection as as Christ loves church and the church is in submission to the HUS as submitted to Christ as the wife to her husband we have the opportunity to show the world the gospel in our marriages and Kelly I just know that your marriage and the way you treat Marc and the way he loves you is a beautiful reflection to a lot of non-believers that come across your path and have seen that and I know for me it's an encouragement just to spend time with Marc and Kelly knowing that the Lord has done such a beautiful thing in your lives and he can we got to be a part of it from the very beginning yes God gets the glory because in our own strength and in the flesh marriage is it's impossible I don't you know because we're we're asked to lay down our lives to one another and without the power and the strength of the Holy Spirit that we need daily he's the first submit to the Lord yes as unto the Lord we're able to submit to our husbands so

Channel: Pastor Greg Laurie

Views: 87,176

Rating: 4.7222223 out of 5

Keywords: virtue, women, girl talk, bible study, marriage, husband, wife, wedding, creative, love

Id: mKq0TeoY9g8

Length: 22min 2sec (1322 seconds)

Published: Fri Aug 20 2010