How to Make Small Talk With Strangers | The Art of Manliness

does the idea of walking into a party where you only know one person feeling with dread do you keep trying to summon the courage talk to that cute girl who makes your lattes every morning when you get to the counter all you can muster as you order when you're assigned to a table filled with mostly strangers you only talk to your date or sit hunched over your phone all night well you sir need to master the art of small talk and today we're going to show you how it's easy to dismiss small talk a superficial pointless or idle chitchat and claim to be only interested in real conversations but without small talk how do you get into having deeper conversation with someone in the first place I mean think about it people would be weirded out if you just went up for them and asked for their opinion on the meaning of life what's the meaning of life small talk is just the on-ramp to every deeper relationship in life and it cannot be bypassed the first step in becoming an expert small talker is to start seeing yourself as the host in any social situation the host acts as the leader he's active not passive and takes the initiative in talking with people guiding the conversation filling in those awkward pauses introducing people and making others feel comfortable and welcome how do you become the consummate host wherever you go your hosting duties can be broken down into two categories first approaching others and second being approachable today we're going to talk about and focus on how to approach others and confidently strike up conversations with new people we often feel self-conscious engaging a stranger in small talk but keep this in mind most people are feeling just as shy and just as self-conscious as you are it's actually a great relief when someone takes the initiative to talk to them saving them from standing alone by the punch bowl while they feel awkward and conspicuous people love to talk especially about themselves and are typically flattered when someone pays attention to them look for someone who seems approachable who's by him or herself and isn't talking to someone and doing something else make eye contact smile at them but not creepily and then go up to greet them but what then anyone who's had their small talk disintegrate after exchange of so what do you do may worry that their attempt to initiate conversation will fizzle into awkwardness but when you know what you're doing you can sail right over any potential slumps communications expert dr. carol fleming offers a three-part process to kick off a conversation called the r method R stands for anchor reveal and encourage the first step is anchor this is an observation on your mutual shared reality with the other person it's the first thread of connection to Venu and the other person it's the lightest of pleasantries about something you're both seeing or experiencing dr. Landis is hilarious don't get caught up thinking that such comments are too superficial and searched in vain for something truly clever to say Fleming calls these exchanges friendly noises and you and the other person you're talking to both know they're not meaningful but just a gradual and polite way to segue into real conversation next reveal something about yourself that is related to your anchor I've been trying to get into his class for like three months but this is the first time I've actually been able to getting to it by opening up a little more we extend to the other person a few more threads of connection and Trust while at the same time providing them fodder to which to respond finally encourage now you hand off the ball to them by asking a question have you had any trouble getting into his class once you got the ball rolling offer follow up questions and comments to keep the conversation going strike a balance too many questions fired one right after the other will make the conversation feel more like an interrogation and too many comments won't give the other person a chance to talk dr. Landis is hilarious I've been trying to get into his class for like three months but this is the first time I've actually been able to get into it have you had any trouble getting into his class I actually sat in his class for a couple classes just you know hoping someone drop out and eventually someone did so now I'm starting to think that maybe you're responsible for their disappearance no I mean people dropped out though yeah but I mean some of the cardio those classes you are dying to again but are you taking the class for your major are you just like interested in it as you keep the conversation going lean a little more towards asking questions than offering comments being curious about someone else is a big part of what endear them to you start with questions that can be answered with one or two words and then build on those to expand into open into questions that won't put them in the spot but will allow the person to reveal more or less about themselves use questions that begin with phrases like tell me about what was the best part of how did you feel about so what brought you to what surprised you most awesome malaria's that - here are some tips if you have trouble coming up with questions when approaching someone or continuing a conversation you've already started some of the easiest and best questions simply come from observing people and your surroundings I notice you have a wedding ring what do you like about being married I noticed your ears were pierced did that hurt I noticed you have blonde hair do you come from Swedish descent I noticed earlier you had an iPhone was there a reason you chose that over Android I noticed there's no grilling meats at this pool party are you vegetarian you can start a conversation by building on something someone else said that wasn't directly addressed to you but you were privy to for example in smaller classes in college sometimes the professor will have everyone introduce themselves on the first day of class if there's someone in the class you'd like to get to know more you can later start a conversation by saying something like so I hear you're from Colorado that's awesome I have an aunt up there a good way to kick off some small talk is to tie a compliment in a question together oh wow that's a really nice ring did your husband design that I love these festive little cups where'd you get these this party really came together did you organize it yourself keep in mind when complimenting a woman it's best to stick with complemented behavior and accomplishment or an article of clothing rather than a body part hey nice booze if you're at a table with a group of people and the small talk hits a snag remember this acronym form f is for family tell me about your family so what are your kids up to these days oh is for occupation I heard your boss is pretty cool what's cool about him so I hear you're doing some really interesting research what are you researching or is for recreation how are you enjoying the hot yoga are there any good hiking trails run and M is for motivation so now where do you see yourself in five years so what is it that you like about your new church now let's do a quick recap first remember the our method anchor reveal encouraged second keep the conversation going with interesting comments and open any questions third if you have trouble thinking of questions to ask observe the person in their surroundings listen to what they say or other people say about them and remember the acronym form family occupation recreation motivation well there you go advice on starting and keeping small talk going with strangers I hope this video has helped until next time this is Brett Mackay telling you to stay manly [Music] I noticed you're wearing sandals are you feet hot I noticed you have wooden earrings are you do you feel like you're an earthy creature I noticed you're wearing a blue dress do you have something against the Bloods I noticed you have a pineapple shaped cup are you a fruit fan

Channel: Art of Manliness

Views: 1,706,484

Keywords: Art of Manliness, Mens Interest, Mens Style, How To

Id: IiQA3XSw5UM

Length: 7min 21sec (441 seconds)

Published: Mon Apr 07 2014