How to Lessen the Stress | Ajahn Brahm | 29 March 2019

so first of all it's one of the reasons why people come to this Center is to lessen their stress and the stress levels of people these days get more and more and more which is why a place like this becomes a wonderful resource for people there's two ways which people can overcome their stress and their worry and first of all is to come here and just feel some of the the might call ambience of this place and this this some welcome and kindness coming to a place a place where no kids are very welcome to run around and they get used to the place it's their home which is wonderful so they can relax elderly people can relax and how what was it some years ago where a person would come here and just that lady or many years ago where she came here and fell asleep fast asleep during the meditation and started snoring at snoring and snoring and she was welcome to snore only thing I had to tell somebody off because they woke her up because she was a victim of quite gross severe domestic abuse and she came here and she felt safe in this room a place where you know she could just relax their things be and for her it was the case that she needed a safe place where she could just catch up on some sleep and I thought it's wonderful that people actually feel that even years ago in bodhinyana monastery where the the building inspector who I would meet every now and again to submit plans you know for our buildings but I never really got to know him he was a him until after many years he came up to see me personally to say thank you and I want to know why he was saying thank you to me and he said because whenever he got stressed out at work all he would do was get in his car and come to the car park of Bodhi jnana monastery and he said thank you for your car park because even there it was a place where you could feel accepted relax no one was going to go and talk to him and try and convert him or do any sort of really aggressive stuff like that he just felt as a peaceful place to be even over in Thailand I remember one of the members here went over there they were going into a temple somewhere and sometimes people say well where he never can you find buddhism in some of these temples in Bangkok when they're just so busy and so many sort of rituals and stuff but he found Buddhism not actually inside the hall but just outside of it because he saw this middle-aged lamomam a young lady maybe nerd twenties and she was crying her eyes out she was weeping and being a guy he thought what should I do should I go and console her or should know is that country inappropriate you know what should I do but he had some business inside the temple so he went inside the temple first and did some business out under what he was but came out after half an hour and so though the woman was not crying anymore you know she was still sitting on the seat and so he thought well why not he asked them you know what was wrong is anything I could do to help and the woman said no no it's okay now I just I lost my car keys and I sat down on here on the seat just to work it through the emotion of you know she didn't find her car keys it was just that she was stressed out upset whatever it was and all she needed was to get in the ambience and a piece of the place not to be told what to do but just to feel the peace and acceptance of a place and so that's one of the things why you know even to this place is no monks aren't here or the nuns on here there's nobody here so you could always come to the car park I just see it and be peaceful and it just gives the sense of acceptance and happiness and joy hopefully and peace so you can feel just coming here it relaxes you well you don't have to live up to anything you don't have to achieve anything you're not gonna get criticized you're not going to be harassed by somebody asking you to join up we often say that all these talks they have no don't have to pay an entrance fee you do have to pay to get out that's only a joke by the way by night it's offer for free is it letting people come in and also just a little bit of happiness every now and again because people do have some suffering in life and I learnt this when I was reminded of this story by one of our Thai followers that when I was a young monk we used to go over the invitations he all over the place in Thailand in the back of a of a ute a pickup truck and I did actually go once on the back of a motorbike as a monk never again on a motorbike because no happens he come out in these ropes and a motorbike once they pick up any speed the wind gets inside of them and it balloons up and I was also I was gonna fly off because not the big balloon and fortunately I managed to hold on just so never go on ER and a motorbike with police ropes like this but anyway on the back of a truck of the old youths they would have like a cover on it a metal frame over which was draped a tarpaulin and that was the place where you sit in the back with all the other marks going to this or that ceremony and number one it was really dusty at least the top corner would keep off any rain and these were those days where the roads were all just dirt roads with lots of potholes in fact because there was lots of potholes that every time every time that truck that you hit a pothole what would happen was the ute went down and I would go up and hit my head on the metal frame and that really hurt especially because I've got no padding so you hit your head really hard on this metal again and again and again and I just think this was getting too too much he's really hurting and I noticed that when any of the time monks on our monks whenever they crack their head on one of these the metal frame on which the tarpaulin was was was covered when they hit their head they never sort of grimaced they never swore they laughed and they must have been hurting as much as I was but they were laughing at the plane and I thought what's going on here and because scientists before so I used my size my of logic to actually think of explanations and theories why when time axe hit their head they laughed and my first theory was they must have hit their head so many times that they were brain damaged but of course that wasn't the case because they were really nice most are very smart and so then I thought I couldn't understand so what do you do you do experiment no Western culture do an experiment to find out so I resolved to the next time I hit my head I was gonna laugh instead of swear I'd always always swear in English because the timer eyes could understand me I thought but they did but anyway when the next time I hit my head I laughed and I discovered an amazing theory you should get the Nobel Prize for things like this because it's actually practical that when you laugh when you hit your head it hurts much less and if you don't believe me get the person sitting next to you say it you are mad but I'm not do it here I get in top of the insurance but you can see that this one's attitude towards the sickness and pain changes many many things it does actually hurt much less when you laugh so this was where I started to understand the relationship just we have with the stress of life if you complain you get more time more stress and of course it hurts much more and this is explained by that simile which I'll be saying so often about the the tight guitar string it's so paula both ends that a small thing hits it and of course you react you over yet because you're so tense already but if you are relaxed the both ends of the guitar string are loose at least as loose as you possibly can whatever happens to you makes hardly any sound at all you've got what we call resilience because not stress or laughing tends to relax you so just having an ambience of place where people aren't shouting at you and they aren't telling you to do this and to do that making even more stress that is very helpful in itself so that woman who just sat outside the temple for half an hour that released her stress enormously can know how that works you don't even need to listen you don't even need to be a Buddhist or be anybody just being here and relaxing to the max and know that you can do this but of course many people when they come to these temples I think oh what am I supposed to do they're afraid of breaking some protocols but the first protocol the first rule the first etiquette in any Buddhist monastery has to be kindness very good has to be compassion and only how to make peace with things instead of fighting things out there in the world we fight and we fight and we fight so when I was meditating a few minutes ago just you know that cough I don't fight these things I don't make war with them I'm not afraid of them if a cough comes ha ha ha ha you'd laugh with it you make peace with it and then because you're relaxing your guitar string for me my vocal chords you really realize Cinda and really feel the relaxed of course then you don't tend to to cough the invitation is being dealt with in a very amazing interesting way so these are little things we can learn how to deal with these stress but you can get even deeper than that to learn how to in the office have you got someone in there in the workplace which now gives you how you know the boss from hell and if you do have a boss from how how'd you deal with that you learn how to make peace with the boss from hell learn how to be kind now I mention this is it's not just theory I know that somebody asked me this beforehand Kenya so they're reading a Buddhist book about heavenly beings and Davis and I always thought should I talk about Davis today I always talk about things which you don't have to believe in but which you can know for your own experience of course you can know Davis from your own experience but that's a totally different different thing here the Davis that I heavenly beings here is your life right in this moment you're stressed why what can you do with it so of course if you try and fight how can you make peace by by it by by having a war people who try their for so many times the war which ends all wars they the aggression which will just put people in their place because it just makes more tightness tension more collateral damage so instead we have this beautiful way in Buddhism about making peace the whole point is learning to change the relationship which you have with whatever you have to experience kids that's what kids are like I've never seen a kid who was really peaceful at that age I thought that you may have I'm not sure but so what do I expect the whole points of learning how to make peace is not learning how to change things and make people something they can never be this is where we have this grace what I call the the third noble truth of Buddhism especially if you try and want this moment to be something different if you think of something perfection some shirts some ideals some it shouldn't be this way we should just not have allow any kids into the temple we should not have any dogs in this temple we should not allow ajahn brahm in this temple when he's contagious with a cough we should have these these machines I see in the airports where they actually just take your body temperature to make sure that you haven't got a disease they should should but if we have all those shirts no one would probably be allowed into this temple you're all wonderful human beings with many different forms and many different but every time you try and change this to improve this to make things different that is called stress especially maybe in your life you want to improve things you may not may want to sort of clean up the garden mulch everything just watch all the dishes are you a perfectionist if you are you never find any piece you'll just find stress because this world is never perfect even my saying years ago but never whenever you never do today well you can put off until tomorrow because you might die tonight I love that saying there's more Monday you aren't gonna die so why do today what you can put off until tomorrow because you might die tonight what about enjoying this moment today if you go to the kitchen you perfectionists and you look and see how many dishes are ya dirty need washing how about looking how many clean tissues are first and if the clean ones outnumber the dirty ones then quit while you're ahead why do I say that because one of the stories which I read many years ago and I think I retold it in one of my first books about the Japanese garden and the Zen master said masters are usually really cool because they're totally just almost off the planet in the way they do things totally and you can't understand them at first but they tell a very good message and this Japanese master actually the young Japanese monk was a gardener and he made his amazing gardens and his garden was one of the most famous in the whole of Japan people would come from all over to admire just the balance of his garden you just took one look at it and it was Wow really sort of was an amazing work of art so there's old old monk an old meditation rock came early one morning but the garden was closed it was only supposed to be opened in the afternoon but anyway the old monk he climbed over the railings and hid behind the bushes he wanted to find out the secret of the most perfect garden in the whole of Japan and he waits it and then the gardening muck came out and he sat and meditated to prepare his mind just to get the clarity and the peace and the artistic balance in his own mind before he worked on the garden and then he took these two big wicker baskets in the middle of the garden was this very beautiful plum tree and he went with those two baskets and picked up one by one every leaf or twig which had fallen the night before from the wind and before put him in the baskets he would look at the little tweak to see whether it had artistic merit if it was the right shape or the right curvature then he would put it in the good basket if it was rubbish you put it in the rubbish basket and the same with the leaves every leaf he picked up and examined it and if he could make use of it the right color the right shape he put it in the good basket and the others in the rotten basket it took him hours to clean up the garden of all the the leaves and twigs which afford on a night before a couple of hours and then he stopped he put the rubbish leaves on the compost and then he took tea and after he took tea he meditated for the most important part of the ceremony of the making the beautiful garden he took the basket of beautiful leaves and flowers a lot of pigs and he placed some one one by one in the garden and exactly the right place and exactly the correct orientation so that they balance and the interconnectivity of the leaves and the tweets and the colors sometimes you'd have to pause and correct he looked at mmm and he'd move a twig slightly yes that's it I don't if you ever seen great artists at work but sometimes great artists to work we think they're to speak being just too too picky but really great artists they can see the big canvas of the garden and know exactly where things need to be just slightly changed and after another couple of hours he was finished and he admired his work most beautiful garden in the whole of Japan he thought he was about to open the gate so that the visitors in but then the old monk came out from behind the bush and he said to the young gardening monk said I've been rushing you all morning and he said your attention to detail is just so impressive I've seen you just picking up all the bad leaves and the good leaves separating them out and putting the bullies look at that that's amazing just your artistic and taste and talent is incredible they said your garden said the old monk he's almost perfect and that that word almost you could see the color drained from that gardening monks face say his lips start to quiver and he fell to his knees and he said to the old meditation mark our master master you've been sent by the Buddha himself to come and teach me how to make my god live a more perfect please instruct me please let your compassion flow please tell me your great wisdom how come I God would be even more perfect and the old monks by the way never trust an old monk yes yes the old monk and the old monk said do you really want me to show you yes please don't hold back your your great skill and wisdom so the old man strode right into the middle of the garden put his hands he was over still very strong around the plum tree and shook the hell out of it snakes leaves fell all over the place making a big mess of the garden a whole morning's work destroyed and mark was so upset and angry by imagine how he felt when a monk looked for his work with a the garden a big mess and then said now that is perfect so what is perfection what is no peace and lack of stress sometimes we spend so much time trying to make things just so and we're going against the nature of the world the nature of the world is a bit messy actually sometimes quite messy doesn't mean we shouldn't try and tidy it up from time to time but when you are aiming for perfection you're just stressing yourself out way too much so instead of looking at perfection something out there we learn how to make peace with things to make peace when you swept the the ground and a leaf falls on it just where you swept that chuncho used to tell that story I remember he said if you swept the path and a leaf falls on it why does it stand out because it's not entangled it's not sort of confused with all the other leaves which have fallen down there but if one leaf falls on there you can really see it and get to know it and understand it because one of our problems in life is life is so complex doing too many things too many chores to be done so we don't really understand this one thing a simple thing which is one of the reasons why hopefully you come to a place like this and it is pretty simple I don't know why people want to be complicated in life because in simplicity you can actually see things it's not tangled up like a big forests where there's some different plants all over the place it's not entangled like when it's many many ideas and theories is quite direct just make peace be kind I understand how you are be at peace with that and start fighting the world stop fighting yourself and as for the bosses in hell I often say that when I suppose I'm a boss - I run a monastery am i a boss from health you get in trouble that when you get back to monastry if you say I am that's the boss from hell and know that to learn how to be kind and then what happens is people try and live up to your kindness you're inspiring them you're encouraging you're leading the way through peacefulness rather than through fear how many people just live through fear you go to work afraid what the boss might say how you might lose your job fear that you know you may sort of make a mess of things fear again is what causes that stress in our body stress in our mind the fear of people not liking you the fear of making a big mistake the fear oh it's wonderful if you can just somehow find a way out of fear fear that I might cough again as soon as I said that fear I wanted to cough have you even noticed that what you're afraid of what you fear you tend to make happen so seeing that sometimes instead of being afraid at life afraid of this moment afraid of people afraid what other people think of you you see if we can find this wonderful kindness accept us making peace with things which actually is an antidote to fear one of the things which I have discovered by learning to give talks in public this is nothing giving a talk here just to a couple of hundred people but sometimes imagine to 10,000 people I think that's my record 10,000 audience come especially just to see you and I thought oh my goodness what if I what if I mess up what if all these people come all this way and I don't sort of satisfy them wha-wha-wha I said oh shut up that's in Burma and so I decided just to go out there tell a few jokes and and have fun like the latest joke I told a few people this was before I came in here that what's the chorus doctor in a hospital the coolest doctor in a hospital is the hip doctor he's hit so I think that's funny other people don't but this that's how you overcome fear don't ever worry what other people think of you and if you don't laugh at the joke the list you'll laugh at your own joke anyway back to learning how to overcome fear which is another form of tension what might happen in that fear of what might happen is don't hurry but what we say be be hopi because this was something which over in I think was in Singapore years ago they were telling me that somebody was going around making these t-shirts we don't worry be happy' t-shirts don't worry be happy now we can do better than that cuz I can t really be happy when worry I said no let's got a bit what is worried anyway what is anxiety what is causes you the stress in the future his thinking is all going to go wrong it's looking at the future with a negative mind I'm gonna fail my exam I know I'm not gonna do well I'm terrible what I'm going to whatever yeah exactly I'm glad that somebody laughed at my joke even though it was delayed quite a bit but but looking at the future with the negative mind and that is what we call anxiety fear but looking at the future with a positive mind is called being home P and I mention that word and I wanted to actually get it in the front of a book a book title but they say no no no put don't worry be happy but don't worry be grumpy now where did that one come from that one came from here the no she's not here this evening from this lady who was just so fed up trying to be happy it was stressing her out do you get stressed out trying to be happy all the time trying to be healthy all the time I'm not always healthy I can't say too but I'd still recall this time when I went to the doctor's surgery in Byford years ago and I was sitting in there waiting for my appointment when because I was teaching in jails in prisons at that time when one of the prison officers came in and he looked at me and he glared at me I was just sitting in there waiting for my appointment with a doctor and he said this is verbatim I remember this he said I never expected to see you in here because I'm supposed to be a monk meditating living a healthy lifestyle I'm not supposed to be sick so I really started to feel really guilty I should be much better as a monk eat better food exercise more do more meditation living less stressful life so ah I felt guilty even monks get sick even monks have stress even mugs get sick even monks die but not today so sometimes when we learn not to be perfect and to be a piece without being perfect then the stress disappears but this is where we learn about not fighting the world especially when you come here understanding the world making peace with the world learning like I was doing when I was meditating beforehand feeling this irritation in the throat which wanted to burst out with a cough not stopping it not suppressing it's the president I would have coughed much more not fighting it but being a friend being at peace with it as when you were friend with things it's amazing just how things start to get very very peaceful they settle down even feelings in my body if I fight them I'm afraid of them they get worse and have amazing sort of experiences not just even personal ones with other people just having all these cancers and sinus cancers and psoriasis goodness knows I've seen so much people who just unfortunately that the the medical profession just can't help them run out of all of their their possible ways but finding other ways of making peace with things being kind of relaxing just like there was one doctor who came to see me on a Friday because she had a patient on a Thursday who had really severe anxiety and she was this person with anxiety with Ronnie on a oxygen mask because you know just to breathe and this I'll do that she say about the Ronnie story but anyway the grumpy story but anyway she was on an oxygen mask and every type of feet had been tried and so except for ajahn Brahms treatment so she said anyway so what the treatment was was when you're anxious when you have a panic attack understand it feel it first of all where is it and for her it was on a chest and really get to know it don't fight it don't try and get rid of it get to know it and once you get to know that she it's a not the best title for a book but no these Chinese art of war know the enemy know yourself thousand battles fought thousand battles won just know the sickness know the problem know what's going on why did you get to know it then we taught her to be kind to it by giving a nice massage on the chest nice massage on the chest to be kind not to try and get rid of things but to get to know and be kind to it make peace with it be kind to that physical manifestation of anxiety and she told me afterwards the next day when she went to check on the ward that patient had an oxygen mask off and said I'm okay now can I go home these some things sometimes work getting to know not fighting making peace with things I can't say who the doctor is because she might get in be trouble but she's an excellent doctor anyway this is what happens when you learn about different ways of dealing with stress stress-related anxiety how do you overcome that fighting it trying to get rid of it that makes more stress being kind to it being kind our poor itchy throat poor little cough you're okay that type of kindness not trying to make it perfect but making peace with how it's things are is changing your relationship so much of the things which you do in your life changing the way you look at your world changing the way you look or your partner do you really want to try and improve him or her if you do it's a lot of stress you should know that bye-bye now but being kind to them caring not puring it's a wonderful way of care and then people want to do the right thing they want to be it's not out of tension and tightness and fear it's out of something else I've seen some many many so-called violent bad people in places like jails we always seen inside of them some very beautiful in a part of them people or this where are that if I told this story did I tell the story of that drug dealer and not sure recently anyway this see the beauty inside there was this person over in jail I was looking after and just teaching and trying to get in to be a you know a better person the meditator he was a great Coco's name was Nick of course but so anyway this fella I was teaching him meditation and just not meditation kindness changing her attitude being a kinder person rather than a sort of a negative person but of course he felt so guilty about what he'd done and one of the things which changed his life it's a beautiful story that I went early one evening to give the meditation class and he grabbed me by the shoulder and he pulled me to the the school room in the prison and then a school room from the prison there's all his cards and messages for one of the from from these I think the year six is year sevens because what had happened and I can't really say what this weather school was but really amazing the principal of this school and it deserves a medal she had the courage to actually when she wanted to try and protect no her children from the drugs which apparently was surprises me where in some schools you cannot get them when your your great sixth grade seven you know it's even in that part of our school system not alone later when we were in high school and she wanted to do something to try to help award these kids away from getting involved in drugs no non-medicinal drugs and so first of all get a psychologist professor someone from university someone from a few of the police department but her brain wave was to get to convicted prisoners people who had been there done that and was suffering because what they had done people really knew what they were talking about and was still suffering the pain of what they had done to get permission for them to go into this grade sixth grade seventh school and teach the kids what drugs really do they spend the whole day in there and of course what happens in many primary schools they kids the day after in art class made all these little cards and messages for these two prisoners and when when Nick dragged me and showed me these messages dear Nick hope you get out so when you do get out please come and visit us I'll never do drugs not after what you told me thank you so much for telling us what it's really like you know you're so authentic and never actually said that but that's what they meant that we would never do drugs anymore please please thank you so much for what you did to us did for us telling us about one of what harm drugs do because these were guys feeling that plane every day inside jail and Nick he was weeping tears were just right down his face he'd done something useful use his pain his shame and just his guilt to try and make use of his experience to help few classes of kids resist the the myth of pleasure from drugs and I remember just seeing him and actually just I saw him last time I saw him I don't know where he is now but I was in the Perth Airport some years ago it's amazing how much time I spend in Perth Airport surprise surprise but when I was in Perth therefore I was waiting for another mark to arrive and this guy put his hand on his shoot my shoulder turn around say hey do you remember me yeah Nick how are you going he's in a very nice suit he said fine he said I'm doing really well no more so drugs he said and he did with a big smart I'm still meditating every day promise every day I've made it say there's a wonderful little story there how instead of feeling guilty he made use of you know his knowledge to make sure that nobody else and experience to make sure that no one else goes down a path like that and of course who could say it better than someone who had been hurt deeply I still remember those beautiful tears that sort of principle and they're good on you I wish other people had the guts to do that and just to realize that the best way is authenticity and yeah he's another not perfect teachers of kids they're in jail and they've got a record of drugs but how they could get a message across so beautifully so well so that's one of the reasons why that we don't punish or fight we learn we're kind and that's the way we get healed those two prisons got healed with the kindness they felt from kids they even years ago prison stories now years ago when I was visiting Fremantle jail we know still a real jail with prisons inside and one of the old prisoners who'd been in there for 4050 years or something you know what he said these are things I remember he said you know that look I said look around all you see is gray walls you see men very very even see a a female inside a jail he said what he really missed was seeing children kids playing wasn't a pedophile or anything but he just missed they're seeing young people kids and sometimes what that can do to a human being not to see sort of kids messing around babies children you know just life was just men and maybe every now and again a woman but they were just seeing just such a small part of life he said that her more than anything else his sentence so anyway sometimes we can be so cool and kindness I think could work much much better anyway so there's a little talk this evening on how to let go of stress so it can be peaceful and relaxed to the max and if you just seen how is coffee my guts out this afternoon going into the car it's amazing you can give a talk let alone a talk with hardly there may be a few coughs here and there but not that many so hard is hard is harder okay so any questions comments or complaints any complaints you can give to the management okay any questions from the floor or from the cushions often the chess often somewhere okay yeah here we go from Poland I feel safe and joyous at home but do you have advice how I can avoid feeling stressed outside my home you can be like the snail who carries their home with them now how can you do that in in Poland you can create this beautiful like the bubble which often lightly whenever one really go to noisy places and I want to have a nice peaceful meditation I do imagine a bubble around me imagine the bubbles that's my little home it's my little cave it's only imagination but you're beautiful and joyous in there and so other people yeah you know you can see them through the window but you know actually they're not actually inside with you so that's your little bubble inside yeah you can let a few people nice people in there but that becomes your home which you can carry around with you a home of peace and happiness of where you are welcome boom Wisconsin my son who is 17 years old believes he's attained or his happiness this world has to offer and he's attempted suicide several times as a mom how can I help him all this much more happiness than you even imagined so what I would encourage him to do because he's in the United States I do travel around and the next trip to United States is for the 11th global conference on Buddhism in Xela Peck Hall in Berkeley and it's even is this one girl how done if she's listening but you know she was I don't mind saying some of her stories I think it's actually on the online that she was have what was that her father committed suicide then her mother died a short time later and then she was just really lost and then her someone said look at John bombs talks and so and she listened to one of my talks and and he said it's okay these things happen life is not perfect and what I actually said in how I said it just really got into her and so she is a piece with what happened to her mum and died both passing away and so she has because she sent a little video to the organizers she has free tickets to get to the sacrifices I think the many people get free tickets as they want them but this is how you can learn otherwise have happened this is more to life and then 17 years of age and scratch the surface of understanding wisdom happiness service to others so that's it new end of June from Lisa Wisconsin it's not that far it's in the same continent somewhere so from there to San Francisco so these are send your son over to Wisconsin from Wisconsin over to to to Berkeley to the conference on meditation I'd be very happy to talk to him and show him they've beaten in a way of smiling very happy to do that and from Philadelphia with all the tragedy in the world especially acts of violent crime how can we love unconditionally because there is violent crime because all the acts of violence that means we have to love even more unconditionally otherwise if we hate if we give revenge it'll just gets worse and worse OS OS it's because we don't love and forgive because people aren't kind because they expect too much from other people because people aren't respected because people feel afraid because people just overreact so tight and so tense small thing makes them really overreact good ol Mahatma Gandhi see many many thousand reasons to give my life for a course not one reason to take the life of another very beautiful there are heroes in this world or that President Sadat of Egypt who just you know when a big war between Israel and and Egypt he decided no protocol he just got on a plane and just flew to Tel Aviv and made peace he sacrificed his life he was assassinated afterwards it's worthwhile doing will be wonderful if mr. Trump is gone the plane and when to go and see mr. Kim he just the two of them no prior arrangements there's two people I live in hope sometimes people actually do do these amazing things which changed the world anyway acts of violent crime how can we love unconditionally this because there's so much hate in the world that's why we have to increase unconditional love and forgiveness otherwise this world just spirals into more crime and violence and negativity so anyway there we go any questions from the floor okay oh this one yeah uh sometimes my negativity can feel stronger than my kindness so how to build kindness and work with kindness in everyday life the negativity sometimes feels stronger it gets you quick rewards long-term problems because if you really negative and you shout at people then people are afraid of you and so it seems like they're listening I'm not listening to you this interfere it's just like comfort but with the kindness it's a totally different sort of arrangement people actually trust you and that trust between people I just mentioned this today when the one of the first times when I was building bodhinyana monastery that's our we this was Adam I mention his collie and sons they had a timber yard down booked in highway I went there one day to get some timber to build a cootie or something that's a lot of Timbers in a rush when I got back off it oh my goodness we we there's some stuff we hadn't paid for so I went back and on the next day I had the I said look you know we got some timber from you yesterday and just the mirages no intention we hadn't paid for it now can we sort of pay the difference and the fellow looked at me as if I was like from Mars or some alien planet somewhere and he said just hold on a moment and he went up to see the big the big manager and then he said okay didn't pay for the extra timber but now you're on a builder's discount and we're not builders and well not really professional builders but you know that he gave us a builder's discount and just the amount of money you know the monastery paid just for that bit of timber maybe 10 or $15 we made that back 10 20 hundred times properly by getting that builders discount from that place they said because it's weird not many people do that not many people are honest and trustworthy so sometimes the negativity the trustworthiness but forgiveness is worth so much in our world there are good people in this world maybe it's because in my life I've looked for good people and bad people I just don't believe they're bad I look for the goodness in their so-called bad people and they keep showing it to me again and again and again so try have okay maybe negativity sort of six days a week but have a positive Monday or something I don't know go to work on Monday or Tuesday and decide today is going to be positive day that work give it a try anyway just try and being overly positive restraining the negativity just to see what happens make a resolution today be no no negativity good try who knows something might happen apparently even I just read in the newspaper even the Labour government are trying to get rid of negative gearing so they're getting they're getting on the message someone should be a positive gearing as I said C joke but that's one of the reasons why when there's no solitude because I'm with lots of people I I drift - from solitude intercity tude it's very close to solitude city dude okay somebody's gonna gloat thank you very much maybe that's a side we've had enough and one of the mics has to go off to the airport to catch a plane so now we can pass three times to put it up with a Sangha and I can get some real solitude instead of city to like su parte panel Sango [Music]

Channel: Buddhist Society of Western Australia

Views: 71,673

Rating: 4.8619246 out of 5

Keywords: Buddhism, Dhamma, Dharma talk, Ajahn Brahm, relax, stress, body, mind

Id: HSUdHhvVBfI

Length: 59min 51sec (3591 seconds)

Published: Fri Mar 29 2019