Today's stream is going to be about: How do you
know if he or she is the one? So let's dive in. So this is what we're going to do, is we're going to
share first four biblical principles that I feel like we need to subscribe to, before we can dive
into the practical. And then I'm going to share 13, it might get to 14 practical pastoral
examples. They're not in the Bible but they are what we've seen in our life and what we've
seen with other people's lives, of something that I believe it will help you to know if that person
is the one. So we're going to get through the more foundational thing and I really want you guys to
pay attention to that. Because I believe if you don't have the proper framework for this, you
are not going to be able to because everybody wants to know, like concerning the preferences
instead of the principles. Come on somebody. We need the principles, not just the preferences. So
what is the first principle of how do you know if that person is the one? Yeah. So number one. The
Bible actually focuses more on walking in purity, than on how one should date. Now when it comes to
purity, you must understand is that purity is more than being a virgin because virginity is physical,
purity is emotional and mental. Actually purity is a heart issue. The Bible says in Psalm 24:4 that,
"To he who ascends the hill of the Lord must have pure hearts and clean hands." Jesus says in
Matthew 5:8, He says that, "Those of pure heart will see God." So purity is to be without
mixture. It's meaning not allowing the world to get inside of you. You actually, you're a virgin
until you get married but you're pure for the rest of your life. And so God actually wants you to
focus more on your purity than on your romance and your relationship, and that should start right
now. That should not start when you get married, that should start right now. Whether you're
single, whether you're ready to mingle, whether you're not ready to mingle, whether
you're coming out of a heartbreak or broken relationship. Whatever the situation is, the
foundation of relationships according to the Bible is purity. Now, one thing that I've learned about
purity, is that purity is not a point you cross. Meaning, oh I no longer watch pornography, I no
longer you know have a wandering eye, I no longer undress women for men, or for women, I no longer
watch erotic you know novels. Now I am pure. That's a point but purity is not that. Purity
is a pursuit after God. So if you stop pursuing, you're no longer pure. Even if you're not watching
pornography, you're not masturbating, your not fornicating and you're not committing adultery,
you are not pure. So purity is a pursuit. Purity is a heart issue and that is the foundation
of relationships. And I love how you said, how you mentioned that the purity is a heart
issue because our goal is to be pure in the heart, and out of the heart everything else flows: the
pure life, what we watch, how we date, what we allow ourselves and so on. And so principle
number two is the Bible focuses more on being the right person than finding the right person.
What would you say about that? Well, it's true. It's actually harder because many times we
want to focus so much on finding the right guy, finding the the man who's gonna love me. But what
about you? Have you thought that God wants to prepare you, more than He wants to prepare someone
else? Even though yes, God wants to prepare someone else for you but He wants you to be the
right person before you're going to find the right person. Because if you're the wrong person,
meaning bad character. Can you imagine if you find a guy with a good character? It's going to
be very difficult for him to live with you. Now the Bible actually has very little to say on who
you should date or who you should marry, but the Bible has so much to say about who you should
be as a Christian. So, if the story of Adam, and would you hand me my Single Ready to Mingle book?
I'm going to take a little promotion right now. Check out the Single Ready to Mingle book.
You can get it on amazon or download it on my website free of charge. I go through the story
of Adam and it's honestly like, it's been my like example for young people and what they should
do with their season of singleness. Adam first was put into the garden by God and Adam knew God. Adam
had a job and then God gave Adam a wife. And so this example is perfect for us, that before you
find the right person, make sure in the very areas you want to have this person, that you are good
in those areas. For example, I want him you know, I want him to love God or I want her to love God.
The best way to get the person who loves God, is to be the person who loves God. The reason
why, because if you don't love God, you won't settle for somebody who doesn't love God. You will
not find somebody and they will not go with you if you don't love God. You know I want them to take
care of me. Great, do you take care of yourself? Do you take care of your health?
Do you take care of your finances? Do you take care of your car? Is your bedroom
clean, okay? Is the sink clean, okay? So, do you take care? Are you a person that
takes care of yourself because if you don't, you will settle for somebody who is not taking
care of you. So most people don't realize is that we, we like and we desire somebody who
is opposite of us but we usually end up somebody who has a similar personality or
similar character. And so it's very important, that as a Christian, you must understand God
wants to develop a fruit of the Spirit in you. Many Christians work too much on their desires
and their expectations, and too little on their preparation. That doesn't mean that you'll
ever be ready for marriage but God wants you to raise your preparation and honestly, lower
your expectation when you go into a relationship. What is the third principle? Yeah, principle
number three is the Bible limits our options to actually "only in the Lord" when it comes to
who is the right person that you should be with. Now would you read the scripture for us
in so actually it's 1 Corinthians 7:39. 1 Corinthians 7:39, "Wife is bound
by law as long as her husband lives. But if her husband dies, she is at liberty to
marry, to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord." Come on somebody, dropped that in
the chat: Only in the Lord. So only in the Lord. Let's do it again. Only in the Lord. The Bible
limits our options as Christians, to only in the Lord. Meaning this person has to
be in the Lord, not just in the church, not just they will start coming to church. Not
just, "Oh, I just led him to Jesus yesterday." But they have to be in the Lord, only in the Lord.
That is the right person that you should be with. You can marry whoever you want the Bible says
but as long as they're only in the Lord. The second verse that I would like to share in 2
Corinthians 6:14 and if you can read that verse. "Do not be unequally yoked together with
unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light
with darkness?" So this verse, a lot of times is used for actually to say that Christians cannot
have demons, but there's actually verse in the context it's talking about being unequally yoked
together with unbelievers. Not in the sense that you cannot work with unbelievers, you cannot be
friends with unbelievers but that you cannot enter into a covenant with unbelievers. Now for those
of you who got saved and your husband or your wife is not a believer, this is not referring to that.
This is referring to people that are believers, who are about to enter into a relationship
and they already know that the other person is not a believer. They're not in the Lord.
They're not grounded in Christ. They do not know Jesus. They do not love Jesus, and so
that person is already no go. That's in the Bible. Now let's dive to fourth principle and
then we're gonna get to some practical things. So the Bible doesn't teach that God plays lottery
with relationships. He gives liberty to mary whom we wish. Again I'm gonna read the verse
in 1 Corinthians that Lana read, 7:39. It says, "If her husband dies." So this applies to a
widow but this also applies to anybody who is single. "She is at liberty." Come on,
somebody drop that in the chat: at liberty. Tell it to the neighbor below you and above you:
at liberty. I want to emphasize that, she is at liberty, okay. Not only he is at liberty, she
is at liberty. At liberty, means she is free to marry whom she wishes. Somebody
dropped it in the chat: Whom she wishes, okay. Why is that important? It does not
say here, listen to this very carefully. For those of you in there who believe that
God is the one that chooses your spouse, listen to this. The Bible says, she is at liberty
to be married. It doesn't say to whom God chooses. To whom she wishes. To whom she wishes. You
are free to marry who you like. Nah Jesus. Come on somebody. I know a lot of people,
they really love to spiritualize this aspect. Over spiritualized. Yeah, thinking that I have
to know if God wants me to marry this person. But there is only one criteria, is that person
in the Lord? Does he or she walk with God? Does he or she have a relationship with the Lord?
Then you can marry if you like that person. That's how simple it is. It's very simple. That's
it. So young man, if that young lady is in the Lord and you wish to be married to her, what
are you waiting for? What are you waiting for? And if you're a young lady, you know
it's time to maybe send him this video and maybe crop this very part, where this could
be applied to men as well. This is not just for women. Imagine, women at the time did not have
rights, for Paul to say for a woman who is a widow. He says, "You can marry. Listen girl,
you can marry whoever you like." That's amazing. Because a lot of people, listen this stereotype,
this mental like stronghold that exists especially in charismatic, pentecostal circles where
people feel like God chooses for you. Remember, share your story. I know you already shared it
once, how you were expecting for angel of God to speak to you to confirm if I was the one.
And what did you do, how did you decide that I was the one? So and I see some of you maybe
are chatting right now or saying, "Well but you need to pray about it." No 100% absolutely, yeah.
But you know prayer is not what's going to bless your marriage, it's obedience. If you're praying
for your husband but you're dating a drug dealer, your prayer doesn't matter. You're disobedient.
And a lot of people, they pray for things, where they should have been obedient. Oh God show
me if this is the right person and the homeboy is literally a pot dealer. He deals, he deals weed
and he doesn't go to church, he doesn't serve God and you're saying, "Lord confirm this is my
husband?" Like you're disobedient. But once you're obedient, you don't need to ask God for audible
voice. Now can God give you an audible voice confirmation? Yes. Can He send you an angel to
confirm? Yes. Can He give you a dream? Yes. Can He give you absolutely nothing? Yes, because He gave
you a Word. So in His Word He made it very clear: only in the Lord, whomever she wishes. These
are the two very simple things that we can now, I'm going to share, we're going to share right
now practical things that you should avoid. Red flags that you should avoid as a pastoral advice
or preference. But these are again, these are not necessarily in the Bible. You know I'm reminded
of David, when David committed adultery and Nathan came to David and he said this. He says,
"Because you disobeyed the Word of the Lord." It's interesting. God never
told David not to have adultery verbally, He said it in His Word. And God judged
him because of what David did not do according to His Word. God clearly gives us the green light, if
the person is in the Lord. Now when we were in a relationship and you know Lana was in the Lord,
I was in the Lord. I was seeing her already and I liked what I was seeing, I liked what I was
getting to know. I wished to be married to her but I did not have or feel this liberty. In fact,
I felt that God needs to give me a supernatural confirmation that she is my wife because I
am a preacher, and because I am a pastor and I was special. So I think a little bit of pride
was going in. But the real reason is that because I heard so many testimonies where the angel of God
came and confirmed and the audible voice came in. So I was like, I'm not worse than those men of
God. God should confirm it to me. And so instead of proposing to my wife, what I was doing is I
was waiting for an angelic sign. I was waiting for this divine, like prophetic word or some kind of
a really powerful confirmation. And what happened? So I went to TJ Maxx to get some stuff. I meet
this guy that I went to school with and you know, I'm like, "Hey what's up? How are you doing?"
And he's like, "I'm married!" And I was like, "You're married already?" And I was like, "How
did that happen?" And so I don't tell him that I am in the relationship and that I'm waiting for
a confirmation. What I'm just telling him is, I'm asking him his story. I said, "How did you propose
to her?" And he says, "I proposed in the airport." And I said, "Was that planned?" He says, "No, we
went on a mission trip, I liked her." They didn't even go out. On the mission trip, for seven day
mission trip. Mission trips are dangerous, a lot of stuff happens on mission trips. So I know quite
a few couples that got hooked up on mission trip. So he says, "On the mission trip it became obvious
I want to be with this person and I felt that this person wanted to be with me." And so I asked him,
"So did you like get a sign from God?" He says, "No. I mean she's serving God, I'm serving God,
we like each other." I mean this guy went radical, okay. He didn't even talk to his parents or her
parents. Like on the way back he found a string in the airport, got on his knee and proposed
to her with not even a ring, a string, and the girl said yes. So he's saying this to
me and I'm thinking in the back of my head, he's an idiot. I'm like what kind of a guy would
do that? And as I'm thinking those thoughts, I get this impression that I'm the idiot, because
here I have the person that I want to be with. You know I've talked to my parents, I've talked
to my pastor, I've talked to her pastor. I crossed all the dots and we already were dating.
And we're already dating, It was official and then I'm still waiting for some kind of a sign. And so
right there in that moment, I think it was Monday or Tuesday. I made a decision, this Saturday or
this Friday I'm gonna propose. So I tell Lana that I'm gonna go and visit her on Saturday, you
know she lived in Vancouver Washington. I lived in Tri-Cities. So I said, "I'm gonna go visit you
on Saturday." But then I called this ring place, I asked him to prepare the ring by Friday and I
came on Friday at her workplace and I proposed in front of her co-workers in the workplace. And I've
never looked back and I'm so glad that I did that. And this verse later on became the confirmation
for me that she is at liberty to marry whomever she wishes, only in the Lord. Now I understand,
I've opened a lot of can of worms where a lot of people like, oh praise God you know my drug, you
know addicted or maybe porn watching or abusive boyfriend is Christian and I like him. I want to
get married to him, so I'm going to go now and get married. You know my parents don't approve
but it doesn't matter. So right now we're going to deal with some other things that we believe
as pastors and as your online friends maybe, that you have to watch for. Yeah, now if you
are married right now and you're gonna look at these red flags and you're like, oh shoot I made a
wrong decision. You did not make a wrong decision, okay. The person that you're married with is the
person you need to be with. You don't need to go right now and escape this marriage because you're
married and you realize every single thing on this list is wrong, because two wrongs do not make one
right. So keep on being with that person. But all of you single people we can make it, you can do it
better by making a decision that will honor Christ in a very, very powerful way in your life, that
I believe will affect you in a great way so. Yeah I wanted to add actually something. For me
personally, I was thinking about that and thinking oh, how cool would that be if an angel of the Lord
would actually tell my husband that I am his wife. I had those thoughts but then I kind of changed
my mind because I was thinking about it, and I'm like, that is kind of scary. I have
more respect for him because it was his choice, not angel's choice. I was thinking
about it and I was like, oh my gosh, that's kind of scary. Now if something goes
wrong in our relationships, we have hardships in our marriage or whatnot. And now this man who
received a word from an angel that I'm his wife, gonna go back waiting on that angel to fix
things or to you know. And that would be very, I would have a hard time respecting that kind of
a man to tell you honestly and I'm so glad that he's a very decisive man who can take this kind of
decisions. I mean looking at the Word of God and saying, "Okay, she's in the Lord and I'm just
gonna make my own decision and I'm going to propose to her so." And definitely I had peace
about it, so it wasn't like you know, I was and I was not against God's will. There was no red flags
that we are going to be mentioning right now. Yeah there was no, there was no red flags and
it's what I want to highlight also, is that I actually was convicted about that. I felt like
when I was praying to the Lord and I was saying, "Lord, you know who would you want me to
marry?" And I felt like, it was kind of crazy, I felt like Lord was saying, "Hey, I already
chose my bride you need to choose yours. It's you who's going to live with her not me." I
mean, yes of course the Lord's going to live with us. So in that regard that's what I meant in the
sense that I'm gonna be the one married to her. And so and I really felt that you know, then we
take responsibility for those decisions. Instead of because I heard people who go to the prophet,
again no judgment to those who go to the prophets to get a confirmation. But they go to a prophet
you know and say, "Prophet who should I marry?" And then you know the prophet chooses a person for
them and then they get married. And when something doesn't work out they blame the prophet or they
blame God. Look you send me this wrong person. And so in order to avoid this, I think this is what
you need to do is you need to follow God's word. Yeah. You need to follow common sense, which we're
going to talk about in just next few minutes, and then you need to follow wise counsel. Can we say
that again. Three things, follow God's Word. What does God's Word say? Purity is more important.
What is the second thing God's Word says? You need to work on yourself more than you're trying to
work on the list that you're trying to find this magic person. What is the third thing God's word
says? Is that you need to look only with those who are in the Lord. What is the fourth thing God's
Word says? You actually have the total freedom to marry whomever you like. That means attraction
has to be there. Yes, absolutely. That word "wish" is an attraction. That means you have to have
a little spark, there has to be this click that is there. So they are in the Lord, but see
there's like billions of people in the Lord, not every person you're gonna marry because we
don't do polygamy, okay. So we do only one person. So how would you from the Lord, go to they are
with me, they have to be the one that you wish to be with. Meaning some kind of a spark is there.
There has to be a desire to be with that person. Come on somebody, drop that fire emoji. For those
all the single people, receive that right now, amen, amen. So yeah, there has to be this
desire to be with that person. So practically, to narrow everything down is that you find that
right person: by following what God's Word says, by following common sense which we're going to
talk about in a second and then by following the wise counsel of people in your life. And this
way you'll be able to, to really kind of make the right decision. Now before we share the 13
flags, red flags, we want to invite everybody. We see more people tuning in to youtube right
now. Those of you could you help us out right now and hit thumbs up. If you are rewatching
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content. Thank you guys so much and those of you on facebook, don't forget to share. Everybody
on instagram and on tiktok, we're also on youtube. Now 13 red flags that you are with
the wrong person right now. What is the first one? So number one is the relationship with God
is not a priority for that person. When God is not the most important for that person, it's a
red flag. If you are the most important person for the person you are with, that's a red flag.
That's scary. You know I always told even my wife, that you know I love Jesus more than I love
you and because of that, I will love you more every single year as we grow together. Yeah,
yeah. I think when we understand this truth, it doesn't become scary. It actually liberates us
and makes us trust that person. When I was single and I was praying, "God would you please give
me a husband that will love You more than he will love me." And that's exactly what I got
and I am so thankful to God that I you know, prayed those prayers and my mindset was correct in
this area, to understand that a person needs to be attached to God more than anything before he is
attached to you. So ladies, good prayer to pray, instead of saying, "Lord send me a Mr
Handsome, send me a person that loves You more than me. And I also got
a Mr Handsome. Amen, praise God. Red flag number two. Actions and words don't match. That's a big one.
That's a character flaw. Yeah. And even if that person is in the Lord, if what they say and what
they do. I'm not talking about once or twice but you're noticing there's a pattern. This person
says one thing, does another. They make promises they don't keep, they keep breaking their oaths,
their commitments. You're dealing with the person that either is immature, likes to be admired
for the words he says but doesn't have the character to live out his commitments.
To me it's a huge, huge red flag. Number three. If she or he has close friends that
are not committed to the Lord. And I think this one is actually huge because this is how you
can actually see with whom that person is more comfortable with. With people who are more secular
or with godly people, and that's a very huge sign to see who the person really is. It's important
that we always have non-christian friends but if your closest and your best friends and all of them
are not believers, and you feel very comfortable and you don't seem to click with believers, to
me that's a huge red flag. Yeah. Number four. If a person, he or she. More of a guy
but sometimes she, has a wandering eye. What do you have to say about that? So a wandering
eye it's when the person is constantly, it's when a guy is constantly checking out other girls. I
would add to that also, following on instagram. Oh yes, this is huge. Ladies, I have to say it.
If a guy is interested in you, I beg you make sure you go through his followers and see everyone
who he is following. Big, big, very important okay. It's very important. That way you can
actually see if a person, if a guy is like, okay looking at other girls or you can even tell if he
has the issue with lust or issue with pornography. Maybe he doesn't follow like you know, porn stars
on instagram but you can kind of see who. You know maybe those celebrities that are half naked,
and you can tell if the person has issue with lust. Somebody said that he was following a lot
of prostitutes on his instagram. A wandering eye when he follows instagram models. To me, I think
it's supposed to be a red flag when a believer, a young man, a man of purity is following
female models, female workout working out trainers. And because I mean all of that working
out trainers, I mean it's soft porn pretty much and stuff. So I mean you know whatever, you girls
can follow. But for a guy to follow somebody with tight pants, or hollywood stars and exposing
their breasts and everything and it's just to stay "relevant" or to "Oh, it's not a big
deal I'm just my friends [mumbling sounds] and stuff. So to me that's a big, big deal. I'm
not saying that as a girl you should control but you should definitely, you can't
ignore that. Take a note. Yeah, you got to take a note. You gotta you gotta see
that because that that is a big sign, and so sign number five. He or she has recently gotten
out of a relationship and they didn't heal yet. And so and this is deals with the person
who just broke up recently, my personal encouragement is for people to take at least 6
months, 6 to 12 months depending on the depth and the closeness of the previous relationship.
Especially if the previous relationship ended in immorality or fornication. Like there needs to
be repentance, there needs to be inner healing, even sometimes deliverance. And when a person
jumps out, the reason why it's a red flag is because you don't really know if the person loves
you or if the person uses you as a band-aid, when they're jumping into a relationship
with you right away. What if they say okay, I just had a big breakup and this person
is giving me this attention and they're helping me to heal. What do you say about that? I
wouldn't say that it's always a bad thing. I would consult counselors, mentors, to
kind of monitor this person's heart. Because I can't say, I know some people who get married
like that and honestly they have a thriving great relationship. They still had to deal with those
issues but to say that, that this is healthy or this is wise, it is not. And so because a
lot of times you know you're dealing with this hurt and you're dealing with this thing. And then
three, four, five months later you actually have withdraws and you actually want to go back
to the person that you broke up with. Like and I'll be candid and honest, I've had
a relationship before I met Lana. It was a dating relationship with a young gal from our
church and I broke up with her. A few months later I went back to the same relationship even though
we didn't fit together. It didn't, it wasn't for me and I wasn't for her. But the emotional
attachment, but the emotional attachment drew it back. The worst thing would have happened is for
me to go to another relationship because I would have missed this person and go back. You don't,
you know, when the guitar stops playing music the strings are not removed. Just because you walked
away it doesn't mean all the strings are gone, so it takes time. Time is the great revealer and
so and the person who just broke up or separated, please go into a healthy small group, go into
relationship. If you're a woman with other women, get a counselor, go into church, find a good
hobby. Begin to rebuild yourself. Don't jump into another relationship without learning
the lessons that you had to learn, you have to learn even if it was not your fault. Because
statistics says your next relationship, marriage after the divorce, the chances of it ending
in divorce is higher than the first one. So the idea that, oh I learned so fast that
I'm gonna jump into a next relationship is actually baloney. It's not how this works.
You didn't learn anything because statistics says that you go back into actually worst case,
not better case. And so I would really encourage to take time to pause and don't jump to be in the
relationship with somebody. Or like for example, going into dating with somebody whose divorce is
not finalized. Oh yeah, yeah. Like I think that's a big no. That's just a hundred percent that's
a big no. Oh we're still finalizing you know or it's been finalized. You need to cut the, cut
the cord. This cord has to be cut. Person has to deal with that stuff first, before they go into
the next relationship. To me that's a big red flag. Red flag number six. Number six. A person
shows signs of controlling or abusive behavior. This is pretty self-explanatory but I think
it has to be mentioned because a lot of people miss those signs, especially the signs of control.
I think this is when a person is controlive. Even if it's like already in dating
you can see the signs of control if a person doesn't like you to hang out
with your friends that you used to have, or a person constantly showing signs that they
only want to be with you. Only you are theirs, you're their world. This is
actually very unhealthy because later on when you marry that kind of a person,
you're going to be very miserable. That person will take another level of control and will
be... Sometimes it gets out of control. Yeah. I think that as well, what I would want
to mention is there's a difference between love and obsessive love. When a person has
an obsessive love, they don't love you, they are actually having a problem and they are
possessing you.They are trying to control you and that is very, very dangerous and so we have to be
very careful because that becomes extremely toxic. At first actually, if you have had a problem with
you know having somebody love you, like you will actually fall full prey to that. And you'll
be like man, this is so amazing. I am wanted, I am desired and everything. But in reality
it's not. When the person is obsessed with you, they will become possessive of you. Here are the
six characteristics of obsessive love. Obsessive love is when a person cannot live without you.
When a person demands unreasonable amounts of time and when the person ignores the other aspects of
their own life to be with you. When a person shows jealousy toward anything and any activity that
compels for your attention, that competes for your attention. When the person follows you, checks
up on you when you're not together. And obsessive love begins with an intense motion, intense
emotion, flattery, and intent and attention but slowly it grows into unhealthy possessiveness
of you. Yeah, yeah. That's big. I think love, it's completely opposite. Love always gives
freedom, trust, a choice, encourages a person to have relationships. You know cultivate friendships
and even like, even cultivate the friendships, create new friendships that you know a
couple can enjoy together I would say, the freedom. Number seven. The person has the same sin
habits, addictions and struggles and doesn't have freedom. Shouldn't we give a chance for people
who are struggling? Or do you think that when the person for example is addicted to drugs,
where is the line between you know dating them? Or addicted to pornography, or addicted to
smoking, or addicted to lying or maybe other stuff. Where's the line of dating them if they're
addicted? So the line is you just don't. You do not date people who are addicted, who have really
terrible habits that will eventually destroy the marriage or a relationship. Period. That
person needs a rehab center not a relationship. If a person especially is addicted to alcohol,
drugs or even addiction to sex. So a person who is addicted needs a rehab, not a relationship.
Oh come on somebody, drop that in the chat right now. A person that's addicted, they need a
rehab. Yeah but because they need a rehab, they think they will find their rehab in the
relationships but it's a very false notion. It's absolutely untrue. That will actually destroy
another person's world and not heal that person who is addicted to something. Now if you are in
a marriage relationship and you are addicted, you know we are not saying, okay dump your spouse
right now and then dump them into rehab. And also a lot of people who are addicted, I feel like
they need deliverance and discipline, not dating. Yeah that's good. Drop that in the chat. If you're
addicted, you need deliverance and discipline, not dating. So it's important that you take time
to get free. So for those of you who are right now watching and you're single, please
don't feed that addiction. Get freedom, overcome that, get into deliverance. Come to our
prayer line and get delivered. You know go through my prayer videos and get delivered, experience
deliverance. It doesn't mean if you get married you have to be perfect, you know we all sin and
stumble. But when you willfully, habitually, intentionally continue to sin without repentance,
it destroys the other person and if kids are involved it's extremely, extremely difficult and
damaging. Marriage is supposed to be a blessing but you will make it a battlefield because
of that addiction and it just makes it very, very difficult. So if you're single and you're
dating somebody who is addicted to porn right now and they do not seek deliverance, they do not want
to put any kind of discipline in their own life, drop them like a hot potato and run from them
like from a plague. Yup. Number eight. The person doesn't respect purity and has no desire to
wait until marriage to have sexual relationship. That's huge. If from the beginning this person is
not willing to set boundaries with you, and not willing to help you guard those boundaries, but
they are opposite. They're like, no I want to make out, no I want to have sex or no I want to have
all these other sexual activities that are not you know intercourse or anything. Or some people, some
guys, they say, "Yes okay, yeah I can do that." But then they push the envelope. They said one
thing with their words but with their actions they're pushing the envelope of purity. So that's
a huge risk. Yeah they're not interested in that and they are just simply wanting to, they're
just in there not for love, they're in there for lust. They don't love you, they love pleasure.
They don't love the person and that is that is a big red flag. If somebody from the beginning
says, no I wanna you know, don't buy a cow if you don't drink milk from it. Don't buy a car if you
don't test it. If that's their view of sexuality, then you have to present to them say, "Hey listen
home slice, sexuality is more like a super glue than a milk from a cow or a test driving a car
and you don't play around with super glue. You don't test super glue on your finger because it's
gonna stick. That's why people develop soul ties, get demons and sexual transmitted diseases, get
unwanted pregnancy and so many other things. And sex has to be reserved for marriage. In
fact, I'm gonna go as far as to say this: One of the best ways to know if the person really
loves you or they want to use you is deny them sex until the altar. Yes. And then you will
see if they love you. Love is patient, they'll be with you. If they don't, if they're
only lusting they're going to walk away and find somebody who will give them what they really
want. They don't want love, they just want lust. Red flag number nine. You don't want kids to
become like him or her. That is a red flag. If you're looking at this person and you're
like, I would never want. I'm not saying that the kids will not look like that person okay.
Just become like them. Because a lot of times, this is what I realized about guys and girls.
Before we get married we focus on our wants. The moment you get married, you focus on your needs.
You know before, before you get married you know, you want him to be handsome, you know you want him
to be you know rich and everything. When you get married you want him to be there for you, you want
him to take care of you, you want him to notice you, you want Him to be responsible. You want all
of those things when you get married and so that's very, very different. Now number 10. Number 10.
You don't have peace about marrying this person and this is big. If you're a believer, I think
it's a must. It's one of the god-given signs that you know the Lord, that person fits you
well is you have to have peace about that. Now number 11. Your mentors and family feel iffy
about this person. Now this one is more if your mentors and your parents, they are godly
people and you know you trust them in a lot of of their advices and things like that. And if they
don't feel good and they see something further than you see when you like someone, because
when you're like in that infatuation stage, you're kind of wearing those pink glasses.
Please, you do need an input from people that you can trust and many times if they feel
iffy about it, most likely they are right. And then and another thing you have to
keep in mind is the moment things go bad, guess who you're going to go to? Those
people for help. You're going to go to your parents. Yeah. You're going to go to your
mentors. So it's important to pay attention to the words that they speak. It is your decision
but it's important to pay attention to the words that they speak. And number 12. Being with
that person has distracted you from Christ, the church and your closest friends and this is
huge. I've seen this happen every single time, left and right. Where someone gets into the
relationships and they are no longer in church. They're pulled out like a magnet out of the
church, out of the fellowship with friends. They're secluded, they're nowhere to be found
until they come back broken. Unfortunately. That is so true and that's one of the signs. It's like
that obsessive love is that infatuation. And some people are afraid, they're like, oh when I fall in
love or when I start dating this person you know, I feel like it's a distraction to my walk with
God. Like to some degree you will be. Like there is going to be this thing where this person
is going to be on your mind. As long as you are still with your church, with your family and as
long as you're still with your closest friends. But to some degree, there will be this season
where there will be a little bit of distraction. So of couse, that's natural. It's normal, don't
feel bad about it. They did not become an idol and they are not an Isaac that you need to sacrifice,
okay. So like because I know and this is when you know you're not mature. And I always tell people
when you are from 13 to 19 and you still have the teen attached to your age, a relationship
will always distract you. It's very difficult because you're still not emotionally super
mature but then when you hit about 21, 22, your level is different. You're thinking not just
with your heart, you're thinking with your head, you're thinking with your conscience. You're kind
of revaluing everything. And these relationships, even if they kind of will infuse you with a lot
of emotion and love and thoughts and but you'll know that hey, this is a good thing. This is
not distracting me from God, from the church and everything. But when you're a teenager,
like it's literally like nothing exists, this, only this person. You're thinking, living only for
them 100%. And so that's why I always tell people that do not date if you're not ready for marriage
and don't think about marriage if you have a teen attached to your age. And number 13, you're
already praying for God to change that person. It's funny but. Lord I love him but please
can you change him in this area or her. Save him Lord, save him Lord. Don't make him
look at other girls. Lord, please help him to stop being lazy and playing video games 24/7.
Lord, help him to be more responsible and then you're looking for a job for him because
he doesn't want to work you know. Like and it's just like it's better to not to bring.
So in final thoughts, I'm going to share three things concerning this. It's better to
wait for God to bring the right person to you, than to wait for God to change the wrong
person that you bring to God. And when I say wrong person, it's when you ignore all
the red flags and you still do it because you know, you really are infatuated. It's not
that, oh they are in the Lord and you wish to be with this person. As much as you're just ignoring
the common sense, you're going against the wisdom of the wise people in your life and you're going
against your own peace. There's tension right there, like in that but you're crossing all
of that because you're infatuated and because you just don't want to miss out, nobody's going
to love you, you will never get another chance, this person is hot. Well hell is hot, you don't
want to date hell. You know, oh but this person is like so amazing and everything. And you know that
they are everything that your ex wasn't, you know everything that your ex couldn't be. And so like
now, the fact that they're missing the other 80% that maybe your previous relationship had, you're
looking blindly at that stuff. Closing your eyes, hoping that they will change and then you start
kind of like going into the relationship knowing that they need drastic like construction, remodel
in their lives. Spiritually remodel in their life but you're jumping in and you're hoping that
I'm going to pray them out, I'm going to fast them out. Listen. Now if you're in that situation
already, keep going. Do not give up. But if you're not in that situation, please don't do it. Why
would you want to do that to yourself? Destroy your life like that? Why? when you can spend your
life being with the person that can help you to move mountains, establish God's kingdom.
Where you don't have to fight about tongues, or cessationism, or fight about going to church
or not going to church. Why would you want to do that and stuff? It's better to be single and
whole, than to be married and be in some kind of a emotional prison. And so I just really want to
encourage you guys, marriage is not that easy and it's so difficult when you're married with the
person who does not share your values, who doesn't have respect for you and who is chronically
narcissistic or controlling, manipulative. Imagine walking with two types of shoes, one shoe has one
size, the other shoe has the other size. Like you won't walk for very long. Imagine running like
that? It's uncomfortable. Now can you still do it? Yeah. So people sometimes like, oh but it's not
wrong, the Bible doesn't say it's wrong. No, it's not wrong but the question I want to ask you,
is it wise? Is it wise? Is this the best thing for your future in light of your past, in light of the
calling, in light of the advice that you received from your mom and dad, in the light of the peace
that you don't feel in your heart. Your God says run, your God says you're making a big mistake. In
light of all of that, is this the wisest decision? So yes, the Bible tells us they have to be in the
Lord. The Bible tells us you can marry at liberty whom you wish. But the Bible is also a book of
wisdom and the Bible gives us people like Vlad and Lana, like your mom and your dad. Gives us
other people who walk alongside of us and say hey, you don't camp at it's not wrong,
move to the side that it's wise. Now the other two final thoughts
that we want to give them is, don't be blind to what you're seeing during dating
as we mentioned. Spoon food in dating, is tons in marriage. Meaning ah, it's just a little problem.
In marriage, it's gonna be a big, big problem. Whatever is in dating, usually gets magnified
in marriage. Like if this person is not clean, they are not gonna get clean because
they're gonna get your last name. If this person is not punctual, I can tell you one
thing. Marriage vows has never changed anybody to be punctual. And so like just remember, you know
don't be blind to what you're seeing right now. And don't hide it under a carpet because
it's not going anywhere after the wedding. And the third thing is that you know I
mentioned before, you get married, we seem to focus on what we want; when we get married
we begin to more focus on what we need. Now, the final question and we're going to go through
some questions that you guys have. So guys, we're going to now answer how we
knew that we were the right people and then how we knew that the people that we were
with before were not the right people. But before we do that, make sure that you hit thumbs up to
the video, help us with the algorithm. There's 590 of you but only 570 likes on youtube. Let me
refresh the page. 572 likes. So everybody go and hit like, thumbs up. Thumbs up on youtube.
It costs you absolutely nothing, all just got to do is hit thumbs up and then share it on
facebook as well. Now if you are re-watching this make sure you hit thumbs up as well and and share
this with somebody. And if you are listening to this we welcome you as well. Now how did
you know I was the one for you? Yes I think number one thing that I had this inner assurance that you were for me. Really? You know many girls
kind of ask me, "How did you, how did you know?" And I usually like to say, "If you're walking
with the Lord, you will know." You can't really necessarily pinpoint of "this is how
I knew", but I knew. Like they say, you have peace in your heart, even though I had fears. I
had a lot of fears about him and about a lot of different things. Fears? Why would you have fears
about me? Yeah some of the fears were instilled in me by my parents you know, and but deep down
inside when you like, when I dug through my fears. I knew that I knew, that you were the one
for me. Even when you broke up with me. Oh yes. Yes, it was very hard when he kind
of broke up with me after our first date but I already knew he was the one for me. I
was so devastated. I didn't know how to like understand that feeling inside, but
eventually everything worked out. Anyways, so that's what I usually like
to say. This inner assurance. Inner assurance and even despite of the fears, and
then you were in the Lord. And you had qualities that I dreamed of and prayed for to have in my
husband. And one of those qualities were that you loved the Lord. You loved the Lord so much,
you were committed to God. That was number one thing. And the fact that you loved the church
because even before I met you, for me personally, what's important was I promised God that I will be
in the church. In the house of God, specifically in the church and I will build the church. Before
I met Vlad I made that promise to the Lord when I got saved because I really love the church. I
love the assembly of God and the people. So I see people are asking, "What happened? Why did you
break up? What was your mental problem?" Of course you all will be asking that. Let's leave
that for a time when we're gonna do coffee with Vlad and Lana. Sure. Yeah so, we will leave
some of those questions for some other day but in a nutshell, I had a problem
with my mind. I had strongholds and I dated one person twice and I broke up with them
before I met Lana. Like from age 20 to 22 and so I knew after that, that I had some problems. I
had a problem with decisiveness and it's one of my strongest characteristics right now is I'm very,
very decisive but I was not like that before. I was constantly going back and forth, back and
forth in my mind and then I met Lana. I right away that night I broke up with her and stuff. So
because I was like... Not when you met me, when we started like our first date.
Yeah after the first date I broke up, yeah. Partially was because of, and for
those of you who know our testimony, Lana's testimony is very powerful which we're
releasing in a few weeks on HungryGen youtube. And you will hear it, you know she comes from
a pastor's family, she's pastor's daughter. But that means... Yeah and she did
not walk with the Lord all her life and so I had certain expectations, and I felt
like, oh, these expectations are not going to be met if I marry her. And so and that's again to the
first point when I mentioned about expectation and preparation. And so and then we went on the 21
day fast, I felt like the Lord dealt with me, with my heart as well and with my mind and things
just kind of shifted. And so how did I know that you were the one, is that I, I had assurance. I
most importantly had peace and I had no fear about your past. My biggest fear was, before
the fast was that if we get married, that your past will bother me all the time and
I will be bringing that up regularly and we will fight about it. That was my biggest fear.
So it wasn't necessarily... And that's fair, that's fair enough, yeah. It wasn't
necessarily that I did not want to, that I did not want to date the
person. It's just I did not want to be somebody, that will be with somebody that
I have to constantly fight in my mind to keep my mind pure in the sense of not bringing
their past into the present. And I knew that you know, I'm a person who did not have that past, it
would be difficult for me and so knowing myself. And so but the Lord really dealt with my heart and
I almost felt like He said, "Hey, you know that is gone. That's covered by the blood." And you know
and that's a cliche that I could use but something happened to me. I had this peace about Lana, and
I like Lana from the beginning. I like the way she looked physically, she was very attractive.
So I had definitely feelings and by now I had this peace and I had absolutely no fear. The Bible
says, "Perfect love casts out fear." And so and I feel like that love casts out that fear that I was
willing, and not just willing but I really felt like I would embrace her. And I feel like after
that, I've developed a greater grace toward people who are coming back to Christ from a very terrible
past. Yeah and I just want to add something. I have a past right and my biggest fear was
that I will never be good enough for a good guy that I want, and I had to overcome that
fear. But what made it all kind of like intense for me, when he broke up with me all my
fears came to the surface and the devil started whispering to me, "See I told you because you have
a dirty past you can never be with the good guy." And I had to battle and fight in my mind that I
am worthy because Jesus Christ cleansed me and I am pure now. I am a new creation, my past is
over. Jesus doesn't see me like that and I had to battle and battle. It was very difficult but as
soon as I overcame and I stood on the Word of God and I said, "No the Lord loves me. I
am clean. I am worthy of a good man." And after that, the funny thing is he
went into fasting during that time, I was battling this issue I overcame in my mind.
I still I'm like, you know what no, God loves me. I'm going to marry a good man even if it's not
going to be Vlad and I just kind of moved on. And less than a month passed by and Vlad reached
out back to me and he overcame his fears, I overcame my fears and I feel like God kind
of like set it up that way that we enter a relationship with no fears. With resolved fears
and with a clean slate. So just oh man this is so good. I think this is leading to the end where
you just touched on something that in a nutshell. And guys we're being vulnerable as well, I stayed
as a virgin physically until you know the age of, until the time of our wedding night. But I did
have pornography issue when I was younger before I met my wife. And so to some degree while I
prided myself that I was a virgin and that's one of the things the Lord used during that time,
is He said, "No emotionally you're not a virgin, mentally you are not a virgin. You're only
a virgin physically." And so and you know to some degree this pride had to fall in me. I'm not
in any way saying that if you have expectations, if you're a virgin to only marry a virgin.
That is a bad expectation. But what I do know for what happened to us, is there was a sense
of humility, grace that has happened. And I love the fact that our marriage can simplify and
give hope to people that are watching right now, who feel like maybe you're not good enough. Who
feel like I screwed up, I made mistakes, I lost my virginity, or I don't deserve a great marriage, I
don't deserve to be with a great person. Or maybe you are that person who you feel like you are a
great person. You're only great by the grace of God, only God's grace kept you. It wasn't your
own doing. And if you adop, if you embrace that then you'll be able to come alongside the other
person that you maybe love, that is maybe the right person for you but today you're holding back
because you're like, well they're not good enough for me. That is not the grace, that is not the
power and so and that's what happened with us and you know, ever since then the Lord has really been
working in the marriage. We've never had that, I would say in the last 12 years of our marriage,
not one time in an argument where I brought Lana's past in that. Now there were times we talked
about it just like casually or laughed about it, or even and she never brought my problem you know
that I had an issue with pornography. She never brought that up and you know said, "Oh but look
at you," or anything of that. And even when there were times where I would feel a strong temptation
or an attack coming upon me and I would come to my wife and you know say, "Hey I'm feeling attacked.
I feel like this, this thing is attacking me." Like whether it was lust or whether it was sugar
craving or some other stuff. And I'm like, "Hey, I'm struggling in this area." You know and she
would come alongside with grace. She received grace, I received grace and we both grow in
grace and so Jesus Christ is the best. The cross is what is the foundation of our relationship and
she's a great example that God can redeem anybody. I'm a great example as well, that God can deliver
you perpetually and permanently set you free and you can be free indeed. Can somebody say,
"Amen." We just broke 800 on youtube and I see it keep cutting off the sound. Guys hang in there,
don't give up on us. We are coming back. So, would you like to add anything concerning that
because that was such a beautiful ending to what you just shared? No actually I just want to
add that I am so glad that God led us through this path. I mean obviously not ideal, but
coming through that just kind of taught us to be more gracious and extend, you know that
mercy and graciousness towards people. Knowing that we are not perfect, even if we think we are
perfect in certain areas we still all need the, It's only by the grace of God. And we cannot be
so stuck up and thinking we're all this and that if we are a virgin or what not. It's good. It's
very good. It's praiseworthy. It's important but it does not give us the right to look down
upon people or think that we are better than other people. Awesome, awesome. Well
guys did you receive something today? If you received something today, if this was a
blessing to you would you let me know that in the chat. Some people are saying, "It's powerful.
It had me in tears. Lana please share how your husband is saying 'tempted to watch porn,' how
did you deal with?" So that's not what I said. I actually wanted to still ask you a question.
How did you know that the person you were dating before me, what were the signs that they were
not the one? I think that it was definitely had nothing to do with not being in the Lord. And a
lot of things, I think that for me personally it was some cultural things that it didn't fit.
For other people it would, it would fit. And I feel like when I was trying to change that
person, that person was trying to change me. There was a lot of changing of each other instead
of accepting of each other and to me that, that was the biggest sign. That's why I
always say to people, that do not marry somebody you're trying to change already. And
so because to me that was kind of like the thing and it almost felt like if we were to get married,
you know it will change when we get married. And another part is that financially, it was already
in that place where financially I wasn't able to be living as a married man. And so, like there
was a lot of these kind of small red signs, red flags that were there. My parents were
kind of like hesitant about it as well but they had their own preferences and so parents will
always have their own kind of like preferences, which is we should always heed to them. We don't
always maybe accept them because we have to make our own decisions, but it's important to listen
to your parents. And so but mainly the one of changing a person instead of accepting the
person who they are. And I think you have to find the person that you, you're accepting
them for who they are instead of trying to change them. Thats huge. What about you because
you were with the person before you met me. Yes in fact actually I was dating a guy right
before I met Vlad and he was a great guy. Very, actually very good guy but there was... If
you're watching you are forgiven. I just want to let you know, I forgive you. I'm not going
to punish you. There was just two things that it was just a red flag. And I knew it, I should
have not even dated that guy because I was in a different spiritual state in my life.
I was after God, I was pursuing the Lord and but I was already of age and especially in a
Russian community there's a kind of like a little pressure, "Okay, what are you thinking? You need
to get married." And then there is this you know good guy that is kind of liking me, pursuing
me. So I started dating him. And number one thing that kind of was a huge red flag, is that he
was Christian but he was not dedicated Christian and he had, his close friends were not Christian
at all. They were drinking, they were like, and to me I knew that is a huge red flag, just
like we talked about it. And I told him once, I'm like, "Hey I'm not okay with those friends.
How about that and that." And obviously if a person's heart is not changed towards the Lord,
how can the person change the influence and friends that. And I knew right away, I cannot
be changing this person into someone he is not and I'm not going to be dragging this person
to church. Man has to lead a woman to church. Not the other way around, a woman dragging her man
to church and I was just not gonna be doing that. And I remember that night you reached out to me
and started talking to me on skype. I was still dating that guy and I knew, I'm like, I can't do
this. Like I wanted to talk to you and I was like, "Oh my gosh. This guy, preacher, talking to me!
And I'm like, "Ah what's going on?" So I actually, I broke up with that person the same night and
I told him, "Hey, I can't do this anymore. I'm really sorry, it's just not gonna work out. We
are not on the same path and I started talking to this guy." Not the best way but it's truthful. So
technically you started to talk to me right after. Well it was kind of like overlapping but
by a few days I would say. Wow, okay. Yeah anyway. If you're watching if you're that guy and
you're watching. I'm sorry but I think it had to happen and this was right. Amen. So guys we're
gonna go through the questions right now. If you are on tiktok or instagram, head over to youtube
to drop the question. We will try to go through as many questions but before we do that, if this
was a blessing to you guys, I want to ask you to sow into the ministry today. You can either do it
by one time donating or you can become a partner. If you're on youtube, I want to invite you,
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you can sponsor and support our ministry. You can become a member, you can become a partner of
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through the youtube chat. Just straight in the youtube chat or on facebook. You can give
through stars and so all the links are dropped right now. I'm going to simultaneously just read
through some donations and as well as we're going to read through some questions. So I just want
to say huge thank you to everybody that's giving and everybody that's supporting and if you
cannot give, no problem. We do appreciate you and we are here to serve you. We're really
glad that you are with us today now. Now let's go through some questions. Sure.
Do you think people should marry with people the same gifts? Who have the same gifts, who have
the same, excuse me, evangelist with evangelist? I don't think so. No I don't think so no, yeah. A
lot of people don't. You're marrying somebody to be with, you're not necessarily trying to marry
to be in the same station. Yeah, I think it has to complement your callings, for example Vlad is
called to be an apostle and pastor and he is. And I am just his big fan and I am called to be in the
ministry too. Maybe nothing super specific. I am so satisfied and happy where I'm at, supporting
my husband and pastoring a church with him. I'm yeah, we just compliment each other. Rowena
thank you for your donation on Cash App. Thank you for Shaquaiya. I apologize for miss pronouncing
your name. Thank you for your donation. Joseph, also thank you for your donation on Cash App.
What about kissing before marriage or how far is too far? I think you answer that. I think that
I would highly discourage kissing before marriage, for this reason is because it does lead to
other things very quickly. It accelerates. Is it true that in the Bible it does not tell
us that you know it's a sin? No, it doesn't tell us but it does lead to other things, and so
I don't believe that it's not a wise thing to do and I would highly discourage. May
your first kiss be at the altar. This is what I tell people. Invest as much into
relationship as you're willing to lose without feeling embarrassed by looking at that person
afterwards. If something doesn't work out. When one of the things that I did when I was in the
relationship that I mentioned about and that was a long time ago. I actually performed a wedding
for this person 10 years I think or something later. And one of the reasons why, is because when
you don't cross the physical lines, when you don't cross the the lines of physical context or sexual
immorality, you will be able to then actually have a decent Christian friendly relationship with
that person without feeling awkward, or switching churches, and you don't have to worry about soul
ties. And so that's kind of my encouragement. Can we hear about the breakup? We already share that.
Lana, please share how you deal with your husband, husband saying he's tempted to watch porn? That's
a good question. I think number one thing, ladies please don't freak out. It's huge not to not to
freak out and I remember how God actually dealt with me with this issue. Because I remember Vlad
kind of confessed, not that he was watching porn while we were married but how he was tempted or
he looked at something he should have not looked at the woman or something along those lines.
I remember I freaked out like crazy. I went almost into like this hysteria mode and I think
I've felt worse because the way I reacted, than what he actually did. And that day
the Lord taught me and I told myself, no matter what, I will never react the same
way again. I don't want to be that person. You just have to be so secure with God
that your happiness, your state of peace does not depend on your husband. I think this
is huge. Just talk about it, give him grace and pray for your husband and everything's gonna be
fine. If he's a good man and he wants to change, it's going to be fine. Yeah and I think that it's
very important not to jump right away to if it takes a lot of courage to confess. Exactly, yeah.
And I do encourage men, that if you have committed those things that you have to, even if you're
struggling I think it's important to confess to another man. That's probably the best. But at the
same time, in my case when I do struggle I trust my wife, she's my co-laborer and she is my partner
in crime. Well not in crime, she is my partner in sanctification and in holiness and so she
helps me to walk in righteousness. And when she has an attack, you know at night or some
kind of a negative thought and I pray for her, and when I get attacked and especially in this
area. This is nothing to do with her. It's hard to kind of disconnect that it's not because you're
not beautiful. It's not because of that. It just has to do with you know I'm a human being and
I can come under attack and I have a safe place and I trust her to handle that by praying for me.
I have also other people but because it affects her as well I do. I don't believe that every
time you had a thought you have to come to your wife and confess it because otherwise she's
going to kill you after a while she's gonna. She's gonna be like, dude get your act together. But I think it goes the same
way towards the husband. If I am emotionally not stable or something,
he doesn't like bash me for freaking out or sharing my emotions that might overwhelm
him a little bit. He actually helps me, he's like everything's going to be fine. He
doesn't take it personally. Yeah. So yeah. Before we read the next question, Lupe thank
you so much for your gift on youtube and it's a channel. Welcome to the spiritual soldier
member. As well as Tommy, thank you so much for your donation on youtube and we appreciate Julie
for your donation. As well as Euphemia, thank you for your donation and Jasmine, Jessica and Joseph.
Thank you for your donation. Next question. Although the grace of God says He forgives you of
your sins, does the consequences of your past sin last forever through generations like David? Can
I think like marriage even after I have trauma like daddy issues? So it is true that your past
is forgiven but the consequences of your past, they are going to be still there. And people
who think that just because you were forgiven and just because you were now accepted that you
never have to renew your mind or deal with some wrong images, scars or even some trauma that
you receive in the world by living a life of sin or deliverance. Definitely, I do believe that
sometimes deliverance, renewing of the mind and counseling will be required for some people.
We did have to address few things in our past and I do think that we don't know to which extent
some of the things we fight with, battle with are rooted in the things that we've done before
we gave our life to Christ. That we have to kind of walk now in righteousness, in holiness
and so that's why I would really encourage to, purity and holiness is the way to go. And if you
do get married, the grace of God will cover but there are some consequences you will have to face.
You will have to face like if you have children from your past they don't disappear just because
you got saved and they were born out of wedlock. You know they don't evaporate. And healing
is a process, especially from trauma, yeah. Where are these men that are committed
to the Lord? They are in the church, those that love the Lord and those that love
the church of Jesus. Come on. That's where I found mine and they are on your knees praying. So
they exist, these men exist, these women exist. You just have to be patient and if you're like
Adam you're looking and you can't find, you need to go to sleep and then Jesus is going to cook
something up and bring it to you at your right time. So make sure you don't forget that. George,
thank you for your donation and Stacey, thank you for your donation on the website. We really
appreciate that. Let's go to the next question. So do you have to go to church to meet men
that love God more? Personally my opinion, yes. I would have not gone anywhere else to
find, to look for a man that loves God. If a man loves God but he sits at home and does not
attend the church, it's a huge red flag for me. She said it. In the Bible a lot of men
of God met their wives at the well. Moses, at the well, Jaco,b at the well. Even Jesus
met a woman at the well. So this is my advice, find your well and you'll find your man. Finds
your well, you'll find your woman. Yeah. Now if you cannot find... Make sure the well is not
dry. No if you can't find a man in the particular church and you meet him some other church, that's
okay. Come to Raised to Deliver. Yeah. Come on. No actually yeah, you can go to other churches
as well, you can go to a conference. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with that. As long as
the man is in the church. I have a solution, HungryGen internship. Just not Mormon church.
Yeah, yeah. HungryGen, actually it's surprising how many people in our internship, our
fall internship have gotten married. It's incredible. It's true actually. There's
nothing wrong with that. People come to seek Jesus and that's how the Bible says, you know he
who finds a wife. The word "finds" it means like you're running your race, or like you're doing
something and you notice it's on the side. And so it's same thing as you're pursuing the purpose
of God, you're not chasing it and then you're just gonna find it. It's over there. So yeah, so
come to Raised to Deliver, come to our internship and come to like, because it also if you're a
demon slayer, you believe in casting on demons and you're gonna go to a, like a reformed conference.
And God bless them reforms Calvinist or you're gonna go to a Baptist conference, you're going
to go to a conference where people like literally they think it's a freak show and deliverance
is not for today, healing is not for today, gifts of the Holy Spirit are not for today. Then
honestly like... Okay Jocko is making some noise over here. He needs to go, if somebody upstairs
can open the door for him. So if you do that, then you're definitely going to be finding a
person that you either have to compromise your beliefs or you're going to have to fight a lot
about those beliefs. So I would encourage you to go to places that are similar to what you are and
go to their internships, go to their conferences and mingle with other believers. There's nothing
wrong about that. There's nothing, there's nothing unholy about. It's beautiful. Let's go to
the next question. So let's first thank you Perry for your very generous donation on venmo
and then thank you as well Bernice for your very generous donation on youtube chat. So how
do you balance waiting for the Lord to bring you your spouse versus online Christian dating
sites? If you are, I mean if you are a lady I'm not sure. I think you should probably
focus, what do you think? So it's both, it's both. It's waiting. So it also depends on
your situation, depends on a lot of stuff here. One is that your time and your season. There's
some waiting where you have to wait like Adam. You have to go to sleep, close your eyes, stop
searching, stop looking because you're recovering from a past, you're not ready for marriage. And
so but if you are ready for marriage and you are at that age then I'm not against online dating. A
lot of people meet each other, I think there's a lot of deception that's there. And so I met
my wife actually through facebook, my first interaction with Lana was on facebook. It was
not in person. Then, I met her in person and so but I would just really encourage that as a
Christian that you don't become desperate to become married. You should be desperate to
be holy, desperate to be in love with Jesus and that's what you should use their desperation
for. Marriage is not your identity, your identity is Christ. You are in Jesus Christ and so you can
wait on God and but you also have, the Bible says, "Faith without works is dead." So faith in God
without any kind of works, whether it's you know going to conference, putting yourself out there.
Meaning like if there's some kind of a gathering you go there and when you go there, please don't
come like Mordecai. You know ripped, ripped garments and then ashes on your head, meaning like
you absolutely you're not cleaned up, you're not washed up, you don't have any you didn't prepare
yourself you know. The Bible says even Naomi told Ruth, she says when you're going to go to Boaz,
girl get yourself ready. And it was night, the guy didn't even, couldn't even see her. She still
put some makeup on, you know clean up her hair and you know looked all pretty and stuff, put some
smelly stuff. Yeah, and I think if it's a lady, two things are very important. Number one
is prayer. You have to present your desires to the Lord. He hears you, you are his daughter.
He knows and He's gonna bring you that man okay, who will pursue you but bring that in prayer to
God. And number two, please make yourself look pretty and presentable at all times you are in
social gatherings. I like what one person said, he's supposed to find a wife but it's okay to make
yourself in the position to be found. Exactly. That's a good one, that's a good one.I like
that answer. Yeah because guys are super visual you know. You don't need to, oh he needs to love
me for how I am and who I am and I woke up like this. I brushed my hair and that's enough. I want
him to love me like I am. No ladies, please you have to be presentable, put some makeup on, look
fresh you know feel fresh, smell fresh. Guys are attracted to things like that, even the man of
God. Yeah, yeah. Boys usually fall in love with our eyes, women with their ears. If my boyfriend
is against deliverance and doesn't want me to believe it? Then your boyfriend has a demon. Maybe
that's, maybe that's very jabby but honestly, if somebody's against deliverance and it's in
the Bible. And so if you are against deliverance or if you're with a girlfriend that's against
deliverance, I wonder what else they're against? And my other question would be, I wonder what
else they are for? Are they domesticating some demons in their own life why they're against
deliverance? And so I would just be kind of, I would not ignore that when somebody is
against deliverance. I'm not saying that, you know people who are against deliverance
should be with people who are against deliverance. And so but Jesus was delivering people and I
think that that's something that we should be on with the person who is for casting demons
out, healing the sick and preaching the Gospel. Because I mean I wonder if he's going to stop
with after that... It's such a basic fundimental. This is not even like speaking in tongues
you know. I wouldn't even be with somebody if they don't want to be or against speaking
in tongues. Like it's one thing if they don't speak in tongues, it's another thing if they're
against speaking in tongues, okay. So it's one thing if they don't cast out demons, okay. We can
live with that but if you're against casting out demons and you don't want to believe in casting
out demons. Come on bro, like it's in the Bible. Now which one is next? Is it okay to marry to my
husband who doesn't believe in Jesus? Is it okay to be married to my husband? If he is already your
husband and he is not a believer. You're probably married already. You have to stay with him, that's
according to the Bible. Unless he walks away, as the Bible says. Unless he walks away but you
don't leave him and with your godly behavior and prayers you will win him to the Lord. Yeah but
if you're not married and if it's your boyfriend and he's unbeliever and you're a believer, you
are unequally yoked and according to the Bible he's not in the Lord and you should not marry
that person. Amen, amen. Now thank you guys for watching. Make sure, those of you who are watching
hit thumbs up to the video if you're enjoying this content, if you're re-watching make sure you
do the same. Let's go to the next question. God won't make me marry someone I don't like right?
I got rejected by a girl from a church I go to and I think that I'm in a situation where another
girl I don't like at all is trying to hit on me. Oh I love the transparency. So I think that you
should not pursue a relationship with somebody who you do not find physical attraction
for. That doesn't mean you can't be friends and you cannot provide opportunity to see if the
attraction might come. I know people who have had friendships and then this attraction came, but at
first they started with like having no attraction. Before I met Lana there was a person that I, that
I liked, okay. And then we were just talking, I knew of her, she's believer and all this
stuff. And then when I kind of told her over a text message, was probably not a good idea, that I
liked her and I wanted to pursue the relationship. You know she gave me this cold, actually no
response from like seven in the morning until seven pm. And then seven pm I got an email and
you know when you get an email, that's not good. And the email started with, I just want to start
with you're a great preacher Pastor Vlad. And this is, you know this is not going to be good. And so
she just said, I just don't see you like that and you're more like a man of God and a preacher.
I just you know would never be able to look at you that way. And anyway, it was embarrassing
and I got pretty much rejected and so she just didn't have feelings for me in that sense. Then
we actually continued to build a friendship and she kept feeding me with this thing that you know,
if we keep on pursuing this relationship I might have a feeling in the future but I just don't have
one right now. And I don't know, to me it was not, I didn't want to play that game, so I let
it go. And then when I met Lana you know, I felt that mutual attraction. She felt that for
me, praise God and then I felt that for her and then we build that relationship. But definitely
attraction is not the most important thing but our faith, but it's also a very important
thing. So if you had a girl who didn't like you, you know let it go because you know marriage
is not a prison, and if you have somebody who's hitting on you and you don't like. Honestly
I would say give this person a chance maybe but don't necessarily jump head over heels just
because... Don't make any promises that the girl will feel like, oh you know you liked her, now
you don't. So but if you're not attracted to the person our advice is don't pursue anything. So
Pastor Vlad and Lana, what if we have things on the list you shared we need to work on? I'm
assuming you're married. I'm assuming they are married.Yyeah. So if you are married then
you have those things you need to work on, I would encourage you to really go
in as a disciple of Jesus. Begin to work on your relationship with Christ, who will
in return work on your character. Begin to do what Jesus commands you to do in marriage. Husbands
love your wives, wives submit and honor your husbands and then you will begin to see that God
will begin to work things, one after another. If you're addicted you definitely need deliverance,
you definitely need breakthrough in that area. So that's just that's a little bit more step.
Anything you would advise for couples who are maybe going through, they have those red
flags and they are married? I mean no just, just work on it and yeah, maybe
get counseling or something. Another question. What do you think about the
age? Is there an age when a person should be? The age difference or? So the age difference,
what about the age difference and then what about the age? So first is the age. I
think that you're ready for marriage, you're ready for dating when you're ready
for marriage. That's my stance on this. When it comes to age difference, I mean
Abraham and Sarah were 10 years apart. So I know some people they're like six, seven.
We are. I'm older one year. I'm one year older. 10 months. Oh 10 months. Okay then, Vlad
and tomorrow is his birthday and I told him not to talk about it. I'm not supposed to talk about
it yeah, it's not about me it's about we. Anyways tomorrow we're actually going to be the same age
yay, finally. But anyways, it's not a big deal at all. I think if a gal is older than her husband
by a couple of years, that is totally okay. If it's more than like, I don't know, if it
goes like 10 years and that's a lot. I wouldn't recommend and yeah. I feel like 10 years
for me is like it's a deal breaker already. I wouldn't go past 10 years. I think like
even father Abraham didn't go past 10 years. It's different when a guy is older than a girl by
10 years but when a girl is older than a guy, then there could be some issues there but sometimes
it works. I know couples that are like that and it supposedly works. Okay, so we are going
to answer the last question, the reason being is because we are going to do more of these. I
think that if you guys enjoyed it, if you enjoyed it let me know in the chat and we might do coffee
with Vlad and Lana very soon. So we like these, we like spending time with you guys and so last
one. My family wants to marry my same ethnicity, what do you think on that? Okay, I think it's
very beneficial and it's going to be a lot easier for you to marry your own culture. There is
going to be a lot of unnecessary tensions and things to work out or work through
if it's two different nationalities. And even Vlad and I, he's Ukrainian, I'm Russian.
We have certain differences but if it's completely different cultures, it's even more
differences to work through. So your parents, they do have a point in advising you but
it's still your choice because it can work. It can work but it's going to be a lot harder,
even if you don't think right now that it's going to be hard, you guys are all the same, it doesn't
matter. It does and when you get married and you establish your family and then you pretty much
bring families. You marry into family not just your husband or your wife. Into the family. You
will see those differences, you will bump head you will misunderstand, you will have to kind of like.
Now what we're not saying is that if you marry a different culture it will not work. Yes we are not
saying that. We actually are different cultures. I am Ukrainian, my wife is Russian and if you
haven't been watching news these two countries are at war right now. Yeah. Okay so we have a lot
of people on our team and in our church, we're Russian, Hispanic, Ukrainian and Hispanic. And so
like very different so we do not say, especially I think that parents many times say this mainly
so they can communicate in their native tongue. Especially if they don't speak English really
well. So we understand that but it's also very important to. It's not a, I don't think it should
be a deal breaker especially if you are around people... But you do have to consider it. You
have to consider, I think you have to consider more the family that you're marrying into,
then even the culture. Because each culture is already unique but each family's culture
is different. You can be a white caucasian and their families, they're so like education based
and there are those that are just more of like you know, they are not for education. Then
there's those that are kind of more into sports and clearly they worship sports and so. And
then there's Russian families, they're like you know construction, truck, driving and pretty
much almost every Russian family is either construction or truck driver and so and so
there's that component you know. They all get their cars from auction and so there's
a lot of like you know, women stay home mainly and they have a lot of children. So like
predominantly and not in every case is like that, and so you have to consider. You can't just go
in and say, "Oh it doesn't matter, I love her. She's Russian. She's you know, she's good looking
and stuff." And then she's going to expect you to provide a 100% for her and because you are
used to 50/50 in your family. Yeah for example, like in a Russian family like in our, like I'll
give you a little cultural like explanation about the culture. Like for example in Russian
culture, we don't do 50/50 okay. We do a 100% and then 0% meaning Lana gets a hundred
I get zero. And so that's, that's how we do it and so and people a lot of times, a
lot of guys have seen. They're like, oh I love how Russian girls look you know. Like they
oh they're so beautiful and everything. You just don't know how much Russian girls cost, okay. Like
this beauty is not cheap, all right and so and you can't go in and they get married. I've known guys
who got married to Russian girls and they're like, oh my gosh you know, like they're married to
Zara as well you know. Not just, not just to me but they're like because they want to buy this,
they want to buy this, they want to buy this and a lot of times. Expect you to pay for it 100%
. And some of them, you know they will not work because they really believe that in their family.
Not that they don't work but they will not work as much. They do see that a man is the leader, he's
the head and he's supposed to provide because that is the kind of a cultural thing that you grew up
with. So here you go in and you're hoping that you know you're going to get by with the minimum
paid job and she's going to work in a minimum page job. And next thing happens is that she doesn't
have it, she doesn't she doesn't think like that. So there you go. You know so when you step in
and you don't know the cultural differences and you're completely oblivious to the drastic family
culture that they're in. Like most of us like who grew up for example in America, we've been so
Americanized. Like our cultures are pretty similar with our friends but still the taste of food, what
do we do on our vacations, what do we do. Like how you kind of grew up with that is very big and
so especially like you know with kids. You know one of the reasons you were scared of getting
married to me is because my grandma has 16 kids. So Lana was thinking that I'm going to have so
many, I want to have like 16 kids. And you know we've been married for 12 years, we don't have
any kids yet we went to the other side. And so but there's just a lot of, a lot of
differences that people need to consider in the culture where a person. I think it all
depends on how deeply the person you're interested in is committed to their culture. Yeah. How
deeply they're committed versus like, oh they're a Mexican, or oh the Russian, or they're
Chinese or you know or like they're you know African-American. You know like the question
is that what kind of a family culture they carry and how deeply committed they are to it. You have
to just consider that. It doesn't mean it won't work with the guidelines God, the Bible gives
us to follow the fruit of the Spirit. Listen, it will work with anybody. And even in our
case, like if we have children we're going to be asking a question: Which language are
they going to be speaking at home? Ukraine or Russia? That's a good question. Right. We need
to decide that.They will be speaking Russian. No, oh okay, okay. Okay, yeah. Yeah. We're
deciding right now right in the live stream. I don't know what my dad's gonna think about that.
I'm okay with being Russian. I just, I'm just not, like what about just learning English
straight forward you know. That will come. Yeah but so yeah there's a lot, there's
a lot of things you know. I think that's where when you're going into relationship
consider those things, consider your values. Meaning like you know how many kids do you want?
That's values. When you get kids, who is going to stay home or are we going to get a babysitter?
That's, that's values and you have. That's why I believe premarrital counseling is so important
because you got to discuss all of those things. And then you have to ask also concerning is
the person is more of a spender or a saver? Everything is cash, everything is credit. How do
you see money? Yeah you gotta consider that. They see money as nothing as what they can buy for
me. Because when we were, when we were dating we went through, we took classes and we kind of
found out that you know for me money means like a future, security. For Lana you know, money
is a means to a goal. So it's very different. Like an example, I would go to store you know
and buy something and then you know I would first check at the price. Lana would buy it
because it's high quality and sometimes not even look at the price and so because it's just
she views it differently. And so if you don't you know understand these differences already, a
lot of them are culturally but most of them are family based. How you grow up in your family, how
your dad is, how your mom is. You pick up a lot of stuff. That's why I believe in generational curses
and generational blessings because that stuff is real. You pick up generational things from your
dad and from your mom. Like sometimes I would hang out with somebody, get to know somebody and
then I meet their parents and I'm like, oh my God, you're just like your parents. You know even
if their parents are not believers. There's so much similarities and so remember you're not
marrying a person, you're marrying a family. Not only that you'll be interacting
with the family throughout your life but you also will see certain characteristics of that
family within your future spouse. All righty, amen. I think it's time to finish. Guys we got
six, seven hundred. I almost don't wanna end right now. We got 734 people watching and stuff, so
thank you again. Please don't forget to hit like, this is gonna be your birthday gift for me. Hit
like and go to the deliverance prayer, subscribe and then share this video with some of the single
people. Especially if you're the youth pastor, share this with others and then we will try
to do some of these more often with Lana. It seems like Lana told me because last
Thursday she was-- He'll ask me later if I will. Last thing. So, so we have a store, guys. We have
a store. Yeah that's right We have a store called Savchuk store. If we could drop in the chat our
store link where you can get "be still and know" and the "believer" t-shirt. There's other ones
"demon slayer." I love this t-shirt it's amazing. Yeah same thing, I like this one. It's very, very
comfortable actually and so we wear them. Get yourself a t-shirt guys, support. It will
help to support and we appreciate it, yeah. Yeah, so thank you guys so much. We really
appreciate it. God bless you, until next time.
