How to Integrate Your Shadow Self | Robert Greene & Jordan Peterson

so i have a friend he's a really good friend of mine and i've known him since i was in college and he's a tough guy i mean he grew up in a uh under rather poverty stricken circumstances in northern alberta really on a frontier piece of land like it had only been broken 50 years before by his father who was a longshoreman and the next military guy good guy his father but this guy grew up and he is tough he worked in lead smelters and he wandered around western canada he was my roommate when i went to college and is still a good friend of mine and he ended up working with like delinquents he went into social work oddly enough and and he ended up working with some of the worst delinquents in in canada and he's a really good guy and he likes to help people get better but he isn't naive at all and then part of the reason that he was good at working with delinquents was because there were no tricks they could get up to that he couldn't see right through and that was partly because he had a real integrated shadow i mean i'll give you an example of him so one day i was living in this town called grand prairie and it was at the height of the oil boom and so it was a rough town and there were lots of rough bars and lots of young men in there with plenty of money and plenty they come in for you know three days after being out minus 40 weather working on the oil rigs and they were ready to party man we had a party one night in this kind of frat house that i went to college in and about oh way too many people showed up and some of them were real trouble makers and one we had a table that was pretty full of beer bottles and vodka bottles and so forth and one guy just went over like tore the leg off and knocked the table over and then a bunch of us got together and chased them all out and this friend of mine he said oh they'll be back and so he went upstairs and he put on some steel-toed cowboy boots it was just like a bloody west and he came marching down the stairs and just as he entered the living room there was a big knock on the front door it was these hooligans coming back to cause grief and he he just didn't break stride he opened the door he pulled open the door and there was a guy standing there ready to fight and he kicked them underneath the chin with a steel tool cowboy boot knocked him right over the the front porch and uh you know and the battle was on but that was exactly what he was like you know and he had his shadow was integrated you could he's a great roommate he he reciprocated everything i always knew if i bought groceries one week he'd buy it the next like he was a straight shooter you could trust him but he was not naive man and that made him able to deal with delinquents and to help them so that's part of that integration of that shadow yeah um i i go very deeply into the shadow in in a chapter in my last book the laws of human nature and i try and talk about how one integrates the shadow because it's not it's not an easy answer for that you know people are kind of perplexed well i have this dark side and i explain a lot of where it comes from and how a lot of your aggressive impulses like the room of two-year-olds that you were talking about you have that as well i'm talking to the people that have my readers you have that aggressiveness when you were young and it got socialized out of you and then it got kind of got repressed and it's like a lost self that lives inside of you and is screaming to come out how do you integrate it and so the main thing is you have to be aware that you have this shadow side you have you can't run away from it you have to acknowledge that it exists you almost have to embrace it a good parent too does everything he or she can not to repress that like what you want to do with children is you want to like you want them to be forceful you want them to have some power you want them to integrate that that capacity for aggression into let's say lucid conversation you want them to be able to stand up for themselves in family discussions if you just punish them for being aggressive let's say for talking back or something like that you don't guide that into more sophisticated development you see this in schools too now you know when my kids went to school this was so dumb i we had a rule in our house which was you don't have to follow stupid rules that's a good rule but if you get caught you have to put up with consequences but right so one rule was the school had not only could you not throw snowballs you couldn't make them and so they were trying to yeah exactly you should shake your head that's for sure it's like because their answer and this was all politically correct nonsense you know non-competitive games we're only going to play non-competitive games it's like first of all you know i studied piaget yeah a hockey game is not competitive exactly because in a hockey game well everybody no one brings a basketball everybody plays hockey so that's cooperation and then on the team you have to cooperate and like if you're the star but you never pass you're just a dumb son of a you're not the star and so there's tremendous amount of cooperation in all those competitive games they're integrated and this idea that you know make children better by not allowing them to be competitive it's so it's disgusting it is it's that well that's the freudian devouring mother right that's oh well everyone's safe and no one's gonna ever hurt anyone and that's kind of where a lot of young people are you know they enter the world where they've been called where they think that there are no winners that everyone is you know it's just win-win situations and that's where they get really shocked by the realities of the world so all this coddling and this idea that there doesn't have to be a winner we don't have to get prizes for first place everybody should get a prize you know all you're doing is setting your children up for for massive uh you know shocks when they enter the world and they see that it's not like that yeah and then they get disillusioned and depressed you know or traumatized but i mean when my my son's hockey team in his school they won the the city championship which was a big deal you know and the school was pretty happy about that to to his credit so was the coach but the principal who was this authoritarian empath she was an awful person i thought authoritarian empathy yeah well yeah she used more virtue as a club when it was yeah well there's plenty of those people around yeah she said well really today we're all winners and the coach had the yeah exactly no it is sickening because it and you know my son was just a paul bite but the coach had enough guts he said no no the hockey team won and it's not like the kids in the school were jealous some of them were obviously but most of them were really happy like you are when your sports team wins that yeah you know and most people are generous enough so that they're able to celebrate someone else's victory without and that's the same i saw this with birthday parties i just bloody well hated this it's like well every child gets a gift bag it's like no you know they have their damn birthday every child doesn't need a damn gift bag and it's this is this same the same naive trickly and it's authoritarian too because it imposes this kind of view of the world it's like no it's this kid's data be special that's why we're celebrating this kid the rest of them if they can't take that it's like there's something wrong with the way that they've been treated and it tends to well a lot of my books i've tried to remove the kind of taboo or the negative associations we have with the word like power or with the word ambition you know i try and say ambition is a good thing it means that you have you believed in yourself you you have some self love and you believe you're worth something and you want to go out and achieve and and it creates something worthwhile for other people so ambition is a positive thing but so many people are just kind of embarrassed about being a human being embarrassed about our primate nature embarrassed about our own aggressive impulses this is partly why boys are failing in our schools now at a disproportionate rate you know the the and i see this there's an assault of the sort that you're describing on the better part of striving masculinity and you know i had a friend who killed himself because he identified his ambition with you know the the patriarchal force that's devouring the environment let's say and that's a con that's you know the cause of of historical horror and you might say well no one takes that on to themselves to that degree and that's well you can say that but that you just don't know what the hell you're talking about people take that on to themselves all the time and then they they start to identify the best part of them that strives forward with the destructive impulses of humanity and they're so ashamed because they can't do anything good then but in principle yeah you know he tried to be as inoffensive and harmless in every possible way as he possibly could and it just sucked all the life out of it you end up turning that aggressive energy on yourself is what ends up happening and that's maybe leads to suicide the ultimate kind of self-aggression i know that i personally have as i said i definitely have a shadow side i'm very aggressive and extremely competitive and i have a lot of anger so a lot of that those experiences in my youth made me very angry but the way i kind of integrated my show i'm not saying this is a model but the way i integrated it was through my books yeah so i kind of that anger kind of seeps through the material that i write and i find i can only write when i have that kind of anger but i don't rant i don't yell and kind of put people down i kind of channel it into something productive and something creative and so i definitely do that when i'm lecturing you know and people have commented you know some of the people who've criticized me that i'm an angry person and which isn't true but it's definitely that anger that capacity for anger definitely is something that gives you force and it can push and anger definitely so psychophysiologically so imagine that this is obviously a thought experiment imagine you're chasing a cat with a broom well the cat's gonna run from the broom but if you corner the cat with the broom it will attack you even though it's just a cat well the reason for that is that fear will facilitate either freezing or escape right but sometimes fear isn't the right response and anger will suppress fear and so one of the tools that we have at our disposal psychologically is anger as an antidote to the terror that would otherwise freeze you

Channel: Jordan B Peterson

Views: 1,444,619

Keywords: Jordan Peterson, Jordan B Peterson, psychology, psychoanalysis, Jung, existentialism, maps of meaning, biblical series, free speech, freedom of speech, biblical lectures, personality lectures, personality and transformations, self improvement, self development, carl jung archetypes, carl jung jordan peterson, carl jung personality theory, robert greene interview, robert greene arte seduccion, robert greene 48 laws of power, seduction types

Id: VuBATf-hxT0

Length: 10min 27sec (627 seconds)

Published: Tue Mar 22 2022