How To Have the "What Are We?" Conversation

so you've been seeing this guy dating pretty consistently but you don't really know where you stand because you haven't had the what are we conversation yet so how do you have that conversation without putting the wrong kind of pressure on him that's exactly what we're going to talk about in this session my name is mat Boggs I'm a dating and relationship coach and today we're going to talk about how to have the what are we conversation in a way that's highly productive now this actually came in from a client of mine where she said look I've been dating this guy consistently for a few months and I know actually that he's exclusive with me and I'm exclusive with him but we really haven't talked about boyfriend-girlfriend I don't know if I'm his girlfriend and my friends were asking me hey what aren't you guys and I didn't know how to answer them so what can I say to bring this up I don't want to screw it up things are going great I don't want to put unnecessary pressure on him but I would love to know just for my own peace of mind so here's exactly what you can do first of all you pre frame the conversation when you talk to him say hey kind of you kind of an awkward question and the reason you ask this to start out is it frames that there might be something awkward coming so it helps him prepare and opens himself to that and if it's not that awkward then it's actually a pleasant surprise that it wasn't that awkward so he'll say yeah yeah what's on your mind and you can say well I was talking to my friends and they were asking they know we've been seeing each other and they were asking if we were boyfriend/girlfriend and I wasn't sure how to answer that response and because you and I really haven't talked about that and so I would love to know what's your recommendation how should I answer that and the reason I love this is because you are as the woman positioning him to lead the relationship you're coming to him from the feminine letting him step into the masculine you're asking his opinion you're asking what he thinks and you're letting him define the relationship at that moment two things are going to happen at this moment there's really two main responses that he'll give you he'll either give you a direct response or he'll throw it back to you the direct response would be you know what hey tell them you're my girlfriend I would love you to be my girlfriend and your boyfriend and I thought that's what we already were a lot of times men just assume things without communicating it of how they feel and we're just moving on here so he will either give you a direct response that way or he will ask the question back to you and he'll need what's called the porcupine technique of toss the question back to you and so you ask him so what's your recommendation how should I respond to my friends and you'll say well how do you want to respond and then that puts it back on you and so here's what you can say in that moment really the reason men do that is because he's nervous about giving you the wrong answer he's nervous about exposing his heart and saying well I actually want to be your boyfriend and having you be my girlfriend or whatever that terms may be I mean maybe we're older and that's a little cheesy to say that you know if he's feeling I don't even know I don't want to get rejected here it's kind of what that means so he wants you to lead so that he can provide you with whatever it is that you want so just tell them what you want you can say well I would actually love to be your girlfriend but that's really up to you so you state what you want and you hand it back to him and he'll say well great then be my girlfriend I'll be your boyfriend and we're together and it's awkward it can be kind of that moment when you're you guys are deciding the roles that you're going to play in each other's life but it's a precious moment also it's a moment where you're both opening your heart you're getting more vulnerable and it's a great connection moment so in recapping the strategy is pretty simple but it's extremely effective pre frame the conversation letting him know it might be a little awkward and then ask for his recommendation say hey my friends asked me this question I didn't know how to respond because we hadn't talked about it what would you recommend my answer be and you're going to get exactly where he stands in the relationship and the status of how you two are going to hold each other in mind in and heart moving forward so I would love to hear from you what strategy do you use that works when it comes to the what are we conversation go ahead and post a comment in the section below I love checking out your comments and if you're not subscribed to this channel make sure to take a moment and hit that subscribe button so that you can be the first to get the latest and greatest videos that come out each and every week we work hard on these for you too move your love life and to help fill your heart with light and love thanks for watching I'll see you soon you

Channel: Mat Boggs

Views: 316,599

Rating: 4.8959947 out of 5

Keywords: dating advice, dating advice for women, love advice for women, relationship advice for women, dating, love advice, dating coach, relationship coach for women, love coach for women, relationships, what men want, what men think, mat boggs, matt boggs, mathew boggs, matthew boggs, cracking the man code, crack the man code, breaking the man code, break the man code, project everlasting, understand men, my boyfriend, communication advice, communicate with men, how men think

Id: i8IoI7K-JNQ

Length: 4min 41sec (281 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 19 2017