How To Give A Gentleman’s Toast

this episode of the modern rogue brought to you by your childhood and the perfect saturday morning courtesy of saturday morning cartoons and our friends at magic spoon head on over to magicspoon.com they're delicious i put my hand upon her toe yo ho ho i put my hand upon her toe yo ho yoho i put my hand upon her toe she said yankee you're going too slow get in get out quick about your ho yo ho yo ho does it you ho you how you bomb i put my hand upon her knee yo ho yo ho i put my hand upon her knee yo done all right we need some beverages first yeah wait listen for the sound do we have to have a thing that we're toasting well well well not patience you know okay don't skip ahead yeah all right you need something in your glass because right now it's my birthday is it wildlife it's not actually okay why why didn't you let us make you work on yourself i know toast but brushwood you have to give me a birthday toast oh here's to one of the finest people i've known on this planet who gets to celebrate another ring around the sun somebody who i hope is here long after i'm dead let's hear it for daniel ah damn that was good i was hoping you'd get up cheers i was hoping i'd be the one here after he was dead yeah well you hit already two of the tenants that i'm going to take i don't even know what the tenants i know i know if we're talking the inside game it was basically make it sincere give it room to breathe and short yep yep yep exactly okay now i'm retiring from wizard academy oh god i didn't know it's today yeah yeah today yeah today's my last day and uh it's your job to give me a like this is my final dinner toast daniel as the steward of wizard academy you have brought this treasured institution to new heights i accept the mantle [Laughter] man you guys are good at thinking on your feet okay we need the third person here for the trainwreck toast because obviously you guys just look like this ridiculous corey corey corey corey all right your very best toast oh go for it uh what am i toasting for um america i was just born you were just born yeah congratulations yeah that's pretty it's pretty good bad yeah yeah here's what i think about toast this is opinion i'm not a toast scientist i'm not even a toast master yeah that's right that's too expensive it's a very good toast that's a thing right now remember like this is public speaking so this is up there before death for a lot of people right right would rather be dead than public speaking a lot of examples terrified of it and toasts are even worse because you've got to be pithy and and short and sweet and make people cry and ah there's too many things right so what's the point of a toast it is a ritual i'm guessing yeah it is a ritual to bring us all together for one moment yes that's the first thing it marks either a moment or a person okay yes yes right okay or preferably both yeah so it's about marking the person and the thing that they have done accomplished right now sometimes a person's not needed imagine if it's the entire modern rogue crew and something amazing has happened a toast at that moment is just a toast of the moment hey guys we did it right right and there is sort of a person because it's about us and we've arrived but it's really marking the occasion people are very bad at remembering to mark the occasion i'm suddenly like seeing the the code of the matrix here where it's like when you're giving a toast about somebody else like a eulogy make it about the subject not about yourself yes so that's important there's some what's more important than the do's because they can be done in all of the ways and still be amazing even congratulations can be funny right right it's more important the don'ts it's not about you and uh keep it short right right don't get distracted with long antidotes that have no real tangential connection there's a lot of like flubs now i came down with three because if you really search you'll find here's your top 12 things with the toast and here's the seven best ways to do a toast but what happens when you try to remember the 14 things you're supposed to do for a magic trick no you don't right right yeah but remembering the three things you must not do is very easy don't do those things so what i would say is all toasts no matter the occasion no matter what's going on keep it short yeah it's not about you yeah and if you can't be funny be vulnerable oh so that's that was the game i was playing with opening up my heart and being sincere or whatever if you can be funny correct then be funny because that magical moment is if you can be funny and vulnerable and keep it short and if you do that by the way do it in that order be funny get everyone's guard down then unexpectedly vulnerable it's a whole other ball game okay see i screw up every toast i toasted at my brother's wedding and i started off with how are you not dead no really he drank turpentine when he was three and i didn't bring it back around to be invulnerable it's just a roast it was just a roast and then you end and you're like so there you go step on your own glass dumbass love you yeah oh god no no you can get a little bit uh you know roasty for a lack of a better term but it's got to be in the kind of way that makes people just go ah you know what i mean right like a straight up roast that's not comfortable for anyone except for maybe if you have a certain kind of friendship and you are both thinking it's hilarious and you know the other 300 people there are like oh my god right and that makes it more fun for you that's the other thing is remember there's two different audiences there's the person that ostensibly you're speaking to you're also speaking to everybody in the room and yes this one very deep cut inside joke may be mildly funny between the two of you but it is not making anybody else's day brighter yeah there's a really short one because where are you gonna do toast you're gonna do weddings you're gonna do it at special occasions like a birthday successes anniversary yeah or it could just be a hangout session people haven't seen in a long time hanging around it could be in backyard fire pit with people you haven't seen in years someone's gonna want to go because what's the point of a toast you know what guys it's really good to see you again right some version of like we're just marking this moment in this occasion so ironically i had two examples you both already did them do you want to hear mine yes but first i could do a bad toast it usually starts with i want to see the bad toast yeah this is a bad toast in the book of brian brushwood uh i mean there's just so much i think i was eight actually i just realized what i'm doing is colin robinson just do colin robinson and try to absorb the conversation reminds me of the time when i had a yo-yo so the way you solve awkward is just by being vulnerable right yes if you really are awkward don't try to deliver the thing because in a toast a vulnerability is is the best when someone gets up and they're like guys i'm really nervous brian takes you i don't know you know like that toast that was amazing i don't know how you followed that one the only reason i'm i'm here is because i love these two people and i'm glad that this is happening right i'm sorry i'm not better at this lean into being overwhelmed and just embrace the go right for the heart right it has always served me well in a public environment to begin with a flat out press release of i am not very good at what you're about to see but it will be over in 60 seconds yes that's all anyone wants to hear that's what he told bonnie on their wedding night oh there it is and that was the toast end of episode it was right there yakity schmackady because what you did there's a couple of things address and dismiss right right which we we talk about all the time in public speaking at wizard academy which is if something is sort of the the elephant in the room the fastest way to get rid of it is to bring it up and then dismiss it instantly and then never mention it again if you show up and you've i mean i've heard this is from someone that's done this you have a massive stain on your shirt because during the meal while you're listening other people's speeches you've got mustard down across your suit you've got no way to change you stand up the first thing you do because now you're freaking out first thing is like look this mustard yeah that thing you highlight so did i well most of it so but i don't have a change of clothes because this is a wedding but that yeah so i figured this was preferable to you know shirtless own it lean into it yeah anyway and then no one ever mentions it again and the other thing you did is give a destination so everyone can have expectations and then you can then deliver on now do you have like toast prepared like i got three ready one for any type of occasion i do only one of them is an actual toast and i'm gonna end with it yep so you can see what that one is okay because it's a very famous one and a lot of people know it and it's one of those things like a really good joke or it's like have you had that feeling when you have a movie you love and you're getting to watch it with someone who hasn't seen it at all and you spend half the time going like theoretically you're watching the movie but really you're you're doing it so a really good toast that's not just petty if someone knows it they're going like oh yeah i like yes i remember this one right so that's fine for memorized toasts the other two are a little too free for them because it depends on the person and you need to have some personal moments in there and so i have more of a category of those so short form is one like this murphy you're turning 40. i was pretty sure neither of us was going to make it this far but i've got to say now that we're here it's better than i expected and i'm grateful for you cheers oh that's good that's surprising especially the murphy turning 40 part right yeah yeah yeah that was the happiest part yeah now does that make sense so what did we do there that's just a quick hey this is for you i don't give a about anyone else in this room right i'm talking directly to you everyone else gets to benefit from that toast so that removes for me the pressure of like all right everyone let's talk about murphy here this guy and now you're in third person right right so one i've found straight shot to intimacy and vulnerability is to start a one-way conversation and be honest and let everyone else listen in it's less script it's more sincerity right right so basically just let someone else listen in on your private conversation so depending on the situation i can see like i think in in performance terms like it like if we're all here in a group right now we're just having a conversation if i want to make it a toast i'll be like guys guys guys guys guys guys guys everyone one day you will hear the story of how we formed one robotic super soldier and save the planet tonight will not be that night but let's hear it for two of my favorite uh robot owls there we go robots warriors in disguise better than lawyers in disguise all right so but you see what you did there was bring everyone together right that's a whole other thing and i love that my hope is always that afterwards oh this is a standing invitation for every like so when did you become a robotic super soldier oh well that's a funny story you're planting a seed for later yeah now you want to do that in a good way not in a bad way like remember that time with all the hookers oh guys it was crazy but anyway it's your birthday avoid any mentions of uh this was in mexico yeah yeah you put all the lie on your credit card to get rid of it look awkward roasting disclosure in the moment is almost never a good idea right so i would just say outright avoid it and remember that at most public events regardless of the age there are people who prefer pg and you got to stick to that and like a good youtube video nobody should be confused at the end right not one person should say what was that it was either a love letter to the person it was either a celebration of this moment or it was a an exclamation of hell's yeah we're doing it you know and those are very simple stories a statement of unity and collective effervescence yeah so that one i did for you that was my shorter that's my number two okay my third is a short story mark the moment and tie it together right and so that one's more look on the occasion of brian's friendly garage brisk yes yeah so very late in life conversion keep going yeah i lost track because yeah i remember the very first time i met brushwood i was sitting in the back of a russian bar restaurant invited by a guy whose business card specifically says a legitimate businessman gave no contact information no contact just his name and the words legitimate businessman and i walked into the back of a room and saw 14 strangers and sat down at the end of the table thinking [Music] and about 20 minutes in this random guy sneaks in through the side and pulls up a chair between me and two other people of whom i was trying to have an awkward conversation with and proceeded to say am i the only one who doesn't know anyone here and i was like no me too and he saved my ass from a very painful miserable night yes now since then ryan and i have become friends and yet no matter how long it's been and no matter how much time between when we hang out brian continues to show up in random unexpected moments in my life and bring a little bit more magic and a little bit more safety to my social situations and for that i'm grateful and i hope it never ends you just did that just now that was good i also do tend to walk into every gathering and say am i the only one who doesn't know who any of these people are which is hard when it's a family reunion yeah read the room yeah my guess is that if you were to time that out it was what about a minute and change yeah try to keep it under 60 seconds if you can i am terrified to lean too heavy into a pre-written toast because i'm afraid somebody will know the source like i think it was in jaws that he says here's to swimming with bowling and women yeah yeah those are easy and accessible but everyone knows where they came from you know where those are useful in a bar where everyone's drinking and making up toasts all right right at that point it's the same as quoting your favorite movies yeah right yeah it's like we're all sitting around and like oh i remember this one and then like four people spout lines then all of a sudden you're like uh the stuff you own ends up owning you yeah or it's just and that's literally all it is and there's moments with those because they're fun it's like oh i've heard one i've heard a really funny one you guys want to hear a funny one who are you gonna call yeah no remember there is no spoon all right here's to our wives and lovers may they never meet yeah we've all heard but those are not good for truly what a toast is supposed to be for that's just a fun hangout session right what a toast is supposed to be for is marking a moment or a person if you fall back on quoting movies for lack of a better term then you should have just passed on giving the toast right you should have just said i that hits me i can't do that that hits close to home [Laughter] so i'm getting the weird feeling that you're about to give us your favorite toast only when you're ready to be done i am ready to hear it but more importantly i want everybody who's watching at home to press pause and write their go-to favorite toast yeah that's good in the comments down below yes yes that that's good we're gonna steal them all and by the way by the way as they say you know good artists borrowed the great great artists steel yeah so the comments will now be your fodder for that at the end of every test like i can subscribe i do have two toasts one that's just absurd and i use it in very rare moments i'll use it at this one right now because it requires the perfect setup and you need to have already established the vulnerability and the genuine and you can just sort of end something with a laugh and a light move on there's a toast that runs in the whittington family it goes back generations i don't know if you know this but the whittington family dates back to the whittington castle even in england right so this is old but it needs the right moment and the right people and the right beverage and i think this is it so without further ado are you ready ready glass is up here's to me [Laughter] right now that one requires the longest build up possible and the more awkward the build up is the better the punch of uh i'm great now when i use that you want to know when i use that when everyone is giving toasts and i don't want to participate [Laughter] like sort of sly middle finger though it's like everyone's like hey tell us your turn daniel fine fine and then i do it yeah because that's my easy out all right but any of the thoughts before we conclude give me a good one all right i stole this one blatantly what why am i getting ready like you're about to throw a punch because he's about to blow your mind and you should be prepared you've got to keep your knees bent you'll be a little flexible okay okay in case you screw it up and you gotta run yeah yeah all right may those who love us love us and may those who hate us may god turn their hearts and if he cannot turn their hearts may he turn their ankles so that we may know them by their limping cheers that was great i wonder what a modern rogue cartoon would look like dude this is that moment that moment that i'll be chasing for the rest of my entire life that moment of saturday morning cartoons watching my favorite cartoons eating my favorite cereals only i'm a grown up now right and raw unrefined sugar kind of is awful for me and the environment and for all those things i mean the cartoons are better than ever but the food is worse than ever except for our friends over at magic spoon they've got the classic flavors that you loved as a kid we're talking zero sugar four net carbs 14 grams of protein 140 calories per serving it's the best of all worlds these guys are screwed there's no way they're going to get out of it that zero sugar matters by the way that means it's totally keto friendly all of the experience of your childhood all of the joy with virtually none of the cost except you do have to go right now to sign up at magicspoon.com rogue spell it right r-o-g-u-e when you do sign up make sure to use promo code rogue r-o-g-u-e you'll get five dollars off and you'll be keeping us in business and you'll be eating cereal and watching awesome cartoons like me they got all your favorite flavors that i'm gonna have appear on the screen right now plus cookies and cream and maple waffle now hold on this is the good part these guys are so confident they're giving a 100 happiness guarantee i assume that's on the cereal not on whatever cartoon you're watching this is a good cartoon magic spoon is now shipping to canada and the uk so all of you guys you're in the club now that's good so do me a favor click that link down below use that promo code rogue r-o-g-u-e and you can build your own variety pack including all of the flavors that we discussed there's literally too many for me to remember it's hard to think while i'm watching oh that looks painful offer and link in the description below so it's still going down it's still going yeah so at what point do we have everyone else out of their misery at this part in the show the stamp comes on and it goes okay bizarre magic and it's over wow that makes sense i put my hand upon her thigh she said yankee i'm gonna cry get in get out quick about your ho yo ho yo he knew there's a lot of words to this

Channel: The Modern Rogue

Views: 57,255

Keywords: modern rogue, brian brushwood, jason murphy

Id: 00DpW5j1c6Y

Length: 21min 44sec (1304 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 20 2021