Visiting France is great But you're only really scratching the surface until you actually understand how to interact with people This video is about five ways to get the French to respect you I'm not talking about little tourist tips on saying 'merci' and 'bonjour' always I'm really talking about really understanding what goes on in the minds of the French And how to tap into that in order to be able to get their respect (Good day, au revoir) So respect is something that comes out of being reliable
honest
and considerate So basically be a good person right? Put together those qualities, that I'm sure you already have, with this knowledge you can earn the respect of the French Oh and if you watch till the end there's another list of six things that you absolutely definitely should not do in France [Music] From your last visit to France you probably already know that personal space gets very intimate I mean, you're sitting in a cafe terrace and you're basically almost sipping out of the same coffee cup Or you know when you go to the metro and it feels like you're sharing a sauna with 50 of your closest strangers And then there's the, you know, the mystery of the kissing on the cheeks with people who you want to get to know better or people you already know or people you don't know at all What do you do? Lips, cheeks, how many times? It's all a bit complex But it goes deeper than that I mean think about how space works for example in a shop In the States, the shop is almost an extension of the outside world like the sidewalk So when you walk in, you have this thinking of the customer is the king you know they wouldn't survive without my money and therefore you're welcome to poke around and you don't really need to engage much In France -- no, that's not the mentality at all In France you're basically walking into their personal space Their shop, which is almost always a very small shop and probably a family-owned place, is an extension of their home So when you enter you're kind of entering into their home So you have to be more considerate of that and to take permission to enter into their space You'll obviously have to say 'hello', yeah But apart from that you can't just touch things or sit at places If you do sit at a space and they're not paying you any attention don't be surprised if they ask you to move That's their space -- they get to decide how it's run What I'm saying is that the power arrangement is different It doesn't mean that they're being rude You might think that but they don't think that way It's probably where the old American cliché of, you know, servers being rude in France comes from It's just because space is different Space in a shop or a cafe is a private space that you're entering into And once you understand that things will go a lot smoother from there on Trust me it will Okay, number two is about the service that you get It's about politeness Now the French are more formal than most nationalities like the Americans, the Australians, Brits, etc. Hi guys, my name is Aida. What can I getcha? G'day mate, coffee and a kangaroo? (Good day Madame, what might I serve you?) (Taking into account the fragility of existence) (A coffee, perhaps?) it's not them being snobs or putting on airs You're getting the 'Madame-Monsieur' treatment because they're being respectful to you You're basically equals -- but very very polite equals It is really irrelevant who's giving the money and who's taking it Money is not the king in France -- at all Politeness is seen as refinement in France Now the French will give it and if they receive something that they perceive as rudeness or haughty well then you will get some of that famous French rude politeness thing that they're very very good at The moment I knew that I could actually fit in in France was, you know, when you have those interactions in the street which is a conflict because someone's telling you 'Your dog shouldn't pee here' or something And I cracked it The moment you out-polite them, they're done That's the thing here -- you need to be polite all the time and if they're rude to you, you go even more polite [Music] (Good morning Madame, how do you do?) Don't forget also that in French, 'vous' is the polite form of 'tu' and it takes a bit of knowing someone for you to cross that line A small tip: if a French person you've met a few times starts using your first name then that's an invitation for you to ask if it's okay to start saying 'tu' I'm sorry but that's how it goes You have to ask Now that is if you actually speak French If you don't, well 'you' is all you've got Beyond 'vous' and 'tu' there is communication just in general And it doesn't matter whether you speak French or English or any other language You know those old tips about, you know, saying 'bonjour' and 'merci' all the time? Now those are good but they don't work as much as they used to because, well, English is really spoken a lot in Paris What it's really about is about acknowledging the other person I mean really, it's just fine to be polite, acknowledge the person and then ask 'do you mind if I order in English?' However this tip might not work so much in the remote areas of France Because, well, where there are tourists people do speak English and that really means Paris But in other parts that may not be exactly the case Look, bottom line: anywhere in France, as long as you're polite you're most likely to get a respectful treatment in return It's the politeness that matters and not the actual language The flip-side of this is that many people think that as long as they speak a little French then they've unlocked some sort of Great Level of French Service -- no that's not true -- it's not the language that gets you the service, it's your attitude The French conception of time can be both familiar and might get a little getting used to With the French, for an appointment or a reservation, you have to be punctual In other contexts however it might be a little bit tricky It depends on the situation and sometimes even personal preference For me, turning up 15 minutes late for a dinner or meeting up with someone at a bar is okay I will arrive on time, but if they're late I don't mind so much And then there is the whole thing about the, you know, time off work for French people, the vacations Now the French have a lot of vacation that's true and also they have a lot of just normal holidays That is really about the work-life balance Don't fret too much if someone that you actually have business to do with isn't around and is on vacation That's just normal -- it's their life Their entire life isn't their job You may say that 'Well why don't they just get someone else to do it?' Well in France it can actually be very expensive to have replacements on hand This may mean that some favorite restaurant isn't open during the holidays Or, you know, some banker or a medical person isn't around to handle your case on the time that you've agreed Unfortunately that's the way that it is Don't take it personally -- and don't think it's about some kind of national 'laziness' It's really about companies and customers understanding that workers have lives too Sure it's frustrating, but you really do get used to it And the thing is, that if you live in France, you get the same treatment Now if you understand this and show that you're okay with it you will get a whole lot of Respect Points from the French Now the way I see it in France, there are two levels of conversation Of course with people you don't know that well, with whom there is that social distance, you keep a polite façade You can have your own opinions, let's say I think wine from northern Italy is just as good as wine from the South of France Just don't be too controversial But then with people you know, the conversation can change completely There's quite often this thing that the French do where I think of as they like to surprise you with something really outrageous and then, you know, take their time to explain it and make it reasonable It's fun and it doesn't mean that they actually believe in it most of the time they don't -- it's just playing the Devil's Advocate If you do get to that level with people, none of this 'Let's just agree to disagree'
no no They're almost a verbal duel To recap: these are the five things that get the French to respect you Be aware that personal space is different Be polite Communicate more with the idea of acknowledging the other person Be aware of how time works in France And in conversations work at two levels Level one: polite Level Two: Devil's Advocate Here are the promised six points of the things that you absolutely definitely should not do in France Do not talk too loudly Do not wear a beret unless you want to look beret, beret ridiculous Don't wear shorts You don't want to look kneedy Don't call this a French kiss This... is a French kiss Do not eat and walk The cases of Accidental Baguette Penetration Of The Nose or on the rise There are three things you're pronouncing wrong It's not Lon-je-ray, it's 'lingerie' It's not horse doovers, its 'hors-d'oeuvre' And it's not 'merci beau cul' Well, unless... in some cases... it is
