How to Get Over the Fear of Talking to Women | Jordan B Peterson

where are you living right now I'm close to Chilliwack in British Columbia are there speed-dating speed-dating all unavailable there I don't know if there's services like that but I I know a lot of people are using apps on the phone like tinder yeah one of the things I like about speed dating like at least once is because it gives you a chance to talk to a very large number of women very rapidly well first of all that's a good way of its exposure right it's a good way of overcoming that fear of initial contact but I think it also introduces you in a very blunt way to the diversity of personality right because what you'll find if you go on a speed-dating what retreat is that there'll be nothing between you and the girl in many cases there'll be something there sometimes sometimes that's okay you know you don't have to be attracted attractive to or attracted to anyone everyone forcing exposure to that wide variety of experience in the short period of time can be a good way of overcoming your fear and my one of us just experienced that fear too right so you got to figure out how to overcome that and then I would say with apps like tinder that's trickier because the degree to which sexual activity is implied in the initial meeting you know and the initial agreement to hookup is unclear but it might be worthwhile just to make a rule for yourself which is that you know you'll go on 25 tender dates but you won't engage in any physical contact because it'll get you it'll it'll solve that problem for you you know what I mean and then you can concentrate on the conversation and you can concentrate on on overcoming this inexperience that you have that that's that's interfering with your progress forward but that good a rule like that just makes it simple no and you need rules like that and you know you probably know this but maybe you don't I mean your experience with regards to being avoidant and afraid of contact with women is by no means rare it's unbelievably common among young men and I think it is exacerbated by the factors that you just described which is that we're taught young men are taught in particular that any show of even confidence on their part be interpreted as part of this toxic masculinity and I think that well that's a that's something that would have to be unpacked for hours I mean what I would say is that women generally like men who have power but don't need to use it it's something like that and women who are who are uncertain and unsettled in the relationships with men would rather for their own safety that all men be rendered powerless but that's not helpful because it destroys erotic attraction and then all that happens is that men dup useless so it's not a solution you know like to destroy someone's power is no solution to taming them right you want someone powerful but civilized not someone weak so weak they can't do anything wrong and I think the message that young men get a lot in our society is you should be so weak that you can't do anything wrong and that's a really bad message it doesn't do anyone any good I've been seeing that like it seems like women are being told to be more masculine and that it's a negative thing for women to be feminine and a negative for men to be masculine and even in brenton where I was living I saw these posters around the mall saying who says women can't be leaders what's what's wrong with throwing like a girl and because it was being pushed on me so much I felt like I was just accepting it but now I'm sort of seen through that but yeah I'm going to use that I think that's great advice that you just gave a minute yes well we also have to account for the stunning popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey you know there's all this surface talk about about toxic masculinity and the you know the overbearing rape culture that's characteristic of men and the the attempt to what would you say I suppose castrate would be the wrong word but maybe I'll use it anyways but then there's this underground desire that's manifest in the attraction of that sort of literature I mean that was the fastest selling book in human history and so there's really something to be said about that and the fact that those two things can coexist at the same time in the same culture as an indication of just how how much conversation there needs to be about what the proper role of masculinity and feminine and also how to organize sexual behavior so that people are not pathologized by it you know it's so interesting to me to watch what's happening on the campuses because uh and and that's emblematic of what happens in the broader world I mean at the same time we have discussions about how absolutely every form of sexual desire and behavior whatsoever is entirely permissible we have the increasing multiplication of regulations above every single aspect of any sexual interaction between a man and a woman I mean those two things the fact that those two things are happening at the same time means that something is wrong I mean maybe we should back off on the idea that absolutely every form of sexual interaction whatsoever is permissible and desirable and simultaneously back off on the increasing enclosure of every of every physical interaction in a web of laws and regulations most of which are going to be counterproductive and cause all sorts of trouble you

Channel: Jordan B Peterson Clips

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Keywords: dr peterson, free speech, jordan b peterson, jordan peterson, peterson, philosophy, political correctness, professor peterson, psychology, toronto, university, university of toronto, porden b jeterson, sorting yourself out, sort yourself out, sorting myself out

Id: GIyAg7C-CyE

Length: 5min 37sec (337 seconds)

Published: Fri Aug 04 2017