How to Forgive - LIFECENTRAL CHURCH ONLINE

do what you want to do oh hello welcome to those of you in the room great to see you today and hello to you online who are watching directly from your living rooms or your gardens or wherever you are watching from today you're really welcome and today i'm carrying on our summer of freedom series as andy said and we're in week four and this is the first of three a mini series i'm looking at the inner workings of freedom and asking are we really free are we really free to do what we want to do and i kind of remember that your free song um but i'm an 80s kid i know i don't look it but i'm an 80s child and i'm quite proud of being an 80s child but i understand the point of the lyrics i understand the lyrics really well you know but what do we do when we hear a song like that and we just think i get it i really do get it but i just can't let go i just can't let this go i can't be free or i don't feel free because i just can't let go of this i i can't forgive someone for this i can't let go of that experience i can't you know be with that person anymore i can't let go of how those feelings how it makes me feel well today i want to unpack the freedom we can feel and is always available and always has been available if i'm honest with you through the power of forgiveness and don't tune out in the room right now if you're thinking i've heard a thousand messages on forgiveness and don't switch off if you're online because you can afford to spend 30 minutes hearing one more that just might change your life today and i don't know about you but i get really inspired when i hear stories of forgiveness about how people have offered forgiveness to somebody who who has wounded them in some way i don't know how many of you remember or as old as i am and remember in a skilling remember the big bombing that was an island in the skilling and there was a father wasn't that who publicly forgave the people who planted the bomb and he said you know he'd pray for them and he also begged that no revenge would be taken and he'd lost his daughter in that horrific experience and there were the columbine shootings um a number of years ago now but recently on television was an amazing documentary where they they interviewed the mom of one of the the killers who committed that awful awful crime and the amazing thing was the friendship the friendship that had struck up between her and the mom of one of the victims and it was a beautiful picture of forgiveness of how two people who never in in a natural sense would have got together and had time to form this amazing amazing friendship and we all love stories of forgiveness don't we when someone else is doing the forgiving you know we can all champion that on and go yeah we're right behind you but it's when we have to do the forgiving when i have to do the forgiving that things can get a little more complicated forgiveness by others forgiveness by you fantastic i'm all for it forgiveness by me you just don't understand we can all manufacture a reason today why it's okay for me not to forgive that person or that offence and so the best place to to turn to when we look at any topics like this has to be the bible has to be our starting point and in matthew 18 verses 21 to 22 it says this then peter came to jesus and asked lord how many times shall i forgive my brother or sister who sins against me up to seven times and jesus answered i tell you not seven times but 77 times and some versions it says 70 times seven do you know what i bet peter's heart dropped like a stone when he heard jesus reply to his question and why did he even say seven times well seven is a divine number in the bible so forgiving seven times would have been seen to have been a really extreme thing i never asked yourself this question what would have happened if jesus's answer to peter had been yes what if jesus said yes peter if you can get to seven times that's amazing mate that'd be awesome the problem with counting the number of times of forgiving is that we are still counting what do i mean i mean what we are saying is this by a number i'm just waiting for the time when i can get my revenge on you because forgiveness then has a limit so you do something to me once okay you do it to me twice fourth third or fourth time fifth time i'm getting a bit annoyed now i cannot wait for the seventh time you do it because the eighth time you do it you're gonna get everything from me that you've got coming from the eight times you've done that to me already and we would do that if there was a number on forgiveness we would do that and some of you may have already calculated that 70 times 7 is 490 and the problem here is that when we can read something like 70 times 7 it feels or we think it means like like be giving somebody a free pass to keep giving people the opportunity to keep wounding me but what jesus is really saying is this and this is really important we can limit a person's behavior but we can't limit our forgiveness we can limit a person's behavior but we cannot limit our forgiveness we can set boundaries around people and that is absolutely fine and fair to do but we shouldn't set boundaries around our forgiveness have you ever tried to really forgive someone you really thought you had you really thought you had but then that memory comes up again oh it's triggered by something and you find yourself just as angry just as offended just as wounded and sometimes the wound can be just one huge thing not loads of separate events but c.s lewis said this he said to forgive for the moment is not that difficult but to go unforgiving to forgive the same offense again and again every time it re-emerges in your memory there's the real issue there's the real tussle and jesus really understood this because because forgiveness more often than not for many of us is a journey it's like peeling back an onion and there are 70 times seven layers until it's done and i know really well in my own life that forgiveness is is not easy but but i can definitely make it much more difficult for myself and cause more problems that i had to start with well what do i mean well what are my other options if i choose not to forgive what are our options if i choose not to forgive well then i hold on to my bitterness and my anger and an interesting thing here is is that i can see the places in my own life and you probably can in yours where big and major wounds could lead me to a road of bitterness that makes sense doesn't it but it's the seemingly small and insignificant things that can trip me up and i want to take a bit of time this morning to look at this topic of bitterness because it's the one thing that will prevent me feeling free and you feeling free and that's what we're choosing for ourselves if we don't let go basically do we want to be bitter or better do i want to be bitter or better today well bitterness has a deep and a dangerous root and where do roots grow underground it starts out as an underground job and other people may look at you and they may not see it if you look around the room this morning if you're online and you're watching there's somebody in the room just look at them they look pretty normal don't they you look pretty normal to me but underground what's going on what's going on well what do we know about roots i know that roots absorb root store and roots grow they absorb painful information okay so they store the words that someone may have said about me or against me and if left untended that root will grow one corinthians 13 says this that love keeps no record of wrongs but what does the root of bitterness do it keeps a very detailed record of wrongs in fact it becomes a box that i've picked up and i happen to have my box of rocks with me today and each each rock in here represents something that's happened to me in my life or that people have thrown at me so um if you've really disappointed me it's gutted me your rocks in my box if you've said something about me that's been unsure you've slurred my character it's in my box if you've done something to me and i've experienced something that's really hurt me and wounded me your rock is in my box i'm going to be vulnerable with you today and i'm going to share a couple of rocks out in my box if that's okay so this one i know all of them this one is the guy who knocked me over in a car when i was eight years old outside of my house i was crossing the road and he drove off it was a hit and run it never stopped he never stopped huge huge big rock but the bigger rock is my brother's reaction to that incident now when you were at school you had to do like um weekend diaries didn't you you go to school and when you go what i've done over the weekend is this or when my brother left home for the first time we were clearing out his wardrobe and we found all his diaries and as a good sister i read him as you do and um and in it was this and this is the day i got in october and i've let this go now sometimes but this is exactly what he wrote i was playing football on the green opposite my house i heard a loud screeching of breaks i turned around heard a huge bang saw my sister go flying through the air and then i scored a goal that's all he wrote that was in my box that was in my box and so every rock in there i've catalogued um i've know where it's come from it's oranges origins and i carry it around with me all of the time everywhere i go that box goes with me and you have a box too if you're being honest if you're being honest with me today you have a box too so how do you know if you have a root of bitterness growing if someone hurts you and you can remember every word they said or every detail of that incident i want to suggest to you that's quite a good indicator that's quite a good indicator and the second thing about bitterness is this it has a poisonous fruit if it goes unchecked what was underground will eventually grow into fruit that everyone will see and hurts more people the greek word for default is the word manio and it means to stain to pollute to contaminate and many of us would say wouldn't we that we have or have had in our past some kind of relationship that's been or stained with bitterness or polluted or contaminated with this poisonous fruit so how do you know if your heart is growing bitter i want to give you four stages that we go through really quickly about how you know if your heart is growing bitter the first one is this we easily see the bad in others we've picked them apart now who do they think they are what do they think they can do that for what do that you know what how can they get away with that we pick them apart and we see the bad in others and then we feel justified in criticizing and gossiping about these people we feel like it's our right to tell somebody else watch out for them you're getting quite friendly with them you shouldn't trust them you know they'll stab you in the back am i the only one that's ever done that then we go into this one we secretly celebrate their misfortunes we don't admit we do this but we do don't we we go when something goes wrong in their lives we secretly go yes yes i knew they had it coming i cannot wait for him to and we do it we secretly celebrate their misfortunes and then if we do that the fourth thing happens we then start to hurt people all around us we create what i call dangerous and strategic alliances this person hurt me so i want you to know the whole truth why do i want you to know the whole truth so that you will side with me so that you will agree with me that you will back me up come and join my team that's what we do and the truth is i've done all of those things at one time or another so how do i know that it's me that i'm the one with the bitter root okay so maybe when i'm rationalizing my life my thoughts and my behaviors and i hear myself thinking or saying something like this if you only knew what i'd been through you would see that my situation is so different if you knew what happened to me i agree with everything you're saying jane but you'd think my situation was different you'd think that i could handle it in a different way you know if that's you if that's you watching online today your eyes could could be blinded to the fact that there's a root of bitterness growing in you and you may need to peel away some layers of pride to see it but you know what this could be your summer of freedom this could be your summer of freedom the longer you allow that route to grow the more difficult it will be to kill so how do we kill it how do we kill it well ephesians 4 31-32 gives us the answer it says get rid of all bitterness rage and anger brawling and slander along with every form of malice be kind and compassionate to one another forgiving each other just as in christ god forgave you so there are two ways the first one is this we can kill bitterness with compassion which is often translated as tenderhearted you see the fruit starts with a cold and hardened heart but compassion starts to thaw it and if you've wounded me i can guarantee that not only is your rock gun in my box but that my heart is growing cold towards you hurt people hurt people do you know that hurt people hurt people and when i see that person as a hurt person it softens the edge of my anger and then we kill bitterness with forgiveness now if you're a christian today and if you'd say you follow jesus let me tell you forgiveness is not an elective course in christianity it's not optional it's not optional it's required and we are to forgive others as god has forgiven you and this is when you may say but if you knew jane if you just knew what happened in my life but you know what if you knew what happened in mine so let's do some myth busting right now today about what forgiveness isn't forgiveness is not forgetting it's not forgetting when somebody said forgive and forget i don't think that's possible i don't think that's possible i think it's possible to forgive but you're never going to erase that memory out of my head what it will do is you will remember but that memory won't have the power that it used to have the shadow that it casts will get shorter and shorter forgiveness is not excusing we excuse people when we know they're not to blame like if you're in a restaurant and you'll go for recovery after this service or something and the waiter comes and he spills gravy on you he spills gravy on you you don't make him go through a process of forgiveness do you he doesn't only think oh i'm rea you don't do that it was completely accidental we can forgive only when we hold someone responsible for something so it's not excusing forgiveness isn't things going back to the way they were before either do you know what it's really nice when that happens but it isn't always possible and it might be years or it may be never before that person is trusted again do you know what it's a huge huge myth that forgiveness means that there's no consequences at all that's one of the biggest myths of all and forgiveness is not the same as acceptance i accept someone for who they are i forgive them for what they do i accept someone for who they are but i forgive them for what they do i can totally accept someone who's different from me totally but i cannot accept the wrong you've done me and the wound it's caused because that doesn't need my acceptance that needs my forgiveness and forgiveness isn't the same as tolerance i don't have to tolerate what people do when i forgive them for doing it so for example my first day at school along comes this bully and he steals my dinner money steals my dinner money first day at school and i might go home that night and i might forgive him for what he's done but the next day exactly the same happens he steals my dinner money do i just let him keep doing it again and again until i get to the end of my school years and i'm suffering from malnutrition do i keep doing that well obviously you see i didn't because you forgive the bully but you tell you forgive the bully but you tell i forgive what he's done but i do not tolerate the situation sometimes this is really important sometimes you have to forgive and tell and if there's something going on in your world right now in the room or something going on in your world and you're watching online and you really need to tell somebody then i really really want to encourage you to take that first step of opening up that conversation with somebody listen you can forgive them but you need to tell and it isn't the same as restoration forgiveness is not the same as restoration this was this bit's a bit like a slap in the face with the wet fish as my dad used to say when i heard this the first time i thought that can't be right but you know what it is i am able to forgive somebody who is not the least bit sorry for what they've done do you know that i can forgive them even if i don't trust them it doesn't mean i put myself right back in a place where they can hurt me again they're two different things forgiveness has no strings attached but let me tell you restoration frequently requires strings why because restoration is really harmful if the other person involved won't acknowledge what they've done and honestly sorry forgiving someone forgiving someone does not in itself qualify someone for anything or entitle them to anything from you at all do you know that so what is this all about then the word forgive is related to other words just means to release to let go to set free and a major part of what we do when we forgive is we let go we let go of the past we let go of the offense we let go of the hurt and then we can release we release the offender we release our anger we release my desire or your desire to get even and forgiveness in the bible also means to cancel a debt you see forgiveness deals with the pain and the hurt associated with that memory instead of saying you owe me it allows me to be free from that pain and that hurt and it's not giving into the temptation to retaliate or take revenge remember my box of rocks i'm not designed to throw them either and how many times is someone taking a shot at me or a shot at you and instead of leaving it alone we go to war over it we go to war over it and a week or a month later we're battered and we're bruised from all of these rocks the victim of a battle that if we're honest with each other this morning if we're honest with each other wasn't worth the grief it costs me how did i get there i threw a rock i threw a rock and why did god say in luke 6 27 28 do good to those who hate you bless those who curse you pray for those who ill treat you because god knows i am not designed to pick up the rocks that get thrown at me and i'm definitely not supposed to have a box to put them in so when i cancel that debt when i forgive i'm giving up the right to get even now this is where people get a bit antsy we're surrendering though aren't we jane we're giving up we just you know we're letting go we we just we're becoming the lesser thing we're getting smaller no we're not because we're giving up our right to get even to god to god and proverbs 20 22 says this do not say i'll pay you back for this wrong wait for the lord and he will deliver you why because forgiveness changes my status from victim to victor i am the victim when someone hurts me when i forgive i'm saying this i'm saying that that event is not going to dictate what happens to me for the rest of my life or that event is not going to detect how i'm going to respond to somebody else again that is what happens the truth is i have to forgive people whether they ask me for it or not remember ephesians 4 32 be kind and compassionate to one another forgiving each other just as in christ god forgave you well how quickly did jesus forgive us how quickly did jesus forgive us when jesus said on the cross father forgive them who'd ask for it who'd asked for it no one not a person he looked down from the cross even at the people the bible says that the casting lots or playing dice to win parts of his life and take it home with them he forgave them they didn't ask for it they didn't want it and they didn't even know they needed it jesus took the initiative and he forgave them in advance for everything that they were going to do that's how quick it was so how do we do it how are we to forgive to forgive i have to be as honest with god as i've ever been don't say it's no big deal because it is don't just try and put it out of your mind because you won't be able to don't sweep it under the carpet because they become big elephants in your room that we can all see anyway this is the best advice i was ever given about forgiveness years and years and years ago and i've tried to apply this to everything that's happened in my life since that point three things that we need to do and we need to do all three number one you put a label on the wound you name it you name it the second thing is you name the person responsible for wounding you and sometimes we think it's weird to do that but you know what something amazing happens inside of us when we verbalize something and we hear it that's why it's really good sometimes if you're reading the bibles are really out loud because something happens when we hear the word of god it gets activated and it starts to work so we put a label on it we name the person but here's the third thing we need to tell god all the consequences that happened as a result all of the details all the big stuff all the small stuff all the significant things all the insignificant things why because if we don't do number three i'm telling you it's like mowing your lawn of dandelions at the stem and you look out the window and they've all gone but what happens two days later they're all back again because we've not got the root act the seed is still there to let them flower again listen forgiveness is not some cheap thing is not some cheap thing and the truth is we all need a push or a prod to let stuff go and what i need is the realization that god has forgiven me a debt infinitely greater than any debt owed to me forgiveness is like passing on a cup of water from the ocean the massive ocean of forgiveness that god has already given to me do you know believe it or not forgiveness isn't flowing out of me like an ever-flowing spring i'm not the queen of forgiveness it's not just flowing out of me willy-nilly it comes from a higher source it can only come from my experience of forgiveness so there are two questions i want to leave us with today and the first question is this are you a person that has experienced the forgiveness of jesus christ are you a person that has experienced the forgiveness of jesus christ i don't just mean that you believe that god can forgive i don't even mean that you believe that god you know sent jesus to die for you what i'm asking today is this let's try and forget what's being done to you just for a moment and put that to one side that hurt or the anger that you may have felt or that wound that's come to your mind as i've been talking and that you even may have a right to feel the way that you do and some of you may be listening to me online right now and you've never known god in this way i need to tell you guys something really important some wounds in life are pointless but some are absolutely essential and when jesus went to the cross and he deliberately let himself be wounded for me and for you we never asked him to do that and if you would say either online or in the room today that you don't know whether you've ever fully and completely asked jesus to forgive you for everything all that you've said all that you've done how about all you haven't said and all you've left undone do you know what you can do that with me right now and i'm gonna invite you to pray with me in the room and online if you think and you feel that you've never fully experienced that forgiveness of jesus christ so i'm gonna pray right now thank you jesus that on the cross you said it is finished you've done it forgiveness is complete and you invite me today to come and live in that truth with you and so i ask now jesus for your forgiveness for the wrongs that i've done and the things that i've neglected for the people i've hurt along the way and those that i haven't loved as you would have wanted me to god i receive that forgiveness right now and resolve in my heart that with your help with your help i will walk away from those choices and embrace everything i know about you to be true [Music] and i choose today to live in your grace and your love and the power of your forgiveness i want to experience that freedom right now and so for those of us and those of you online that would have would say you know jane i've received that forgiveness i totally know what it is to live in that relationship with jesus christ i'll ask you this have you got a wound have you got a wound that god would say to you today you should have set that down miles ago [Music] you should have set that down miles ago even years ago is there a rock that you're still carrying today it's time to lay it down it's time to set it down and if you start that process today let me tell you you will be releasing yourself from the world's worst prison cell and experiencing the greatest freedom ever i know because i've experienced in my own life this process and if that's you today whether online or in the room i want to think about something that god may have brought to mind while i've been talking i will have been there and i want you to pray with me and i'm gonna leave a gap for you to put that person's name in or that experience and we're gonna ask the holy spirit to come and bring freedom and to start that journey of forgiveness that you weren't maybe expecting when you came in today so would you pray with me lord [Music] i bring to mind and i want you to name that person or name that experience lord i bring to mind and i bring them before you and i feel hurt by them i feel wounded by them and right now i confess my negative feelings about them to you and i want to start the process of forgiving the wrongs they've done to me for any deliberate or intentional things that have caused me pain in the best way i know how to today i release them to you and i choose to forgive thank you that as i'm praying right now you're releasing me and you're freeing me to live free from resentment and bitterness fill me with your joy and your love again i pray [Music] amen and if you're watching online and you want some further help with that and you feel you want to start that process and that journey the say one for me invitational um slide will come up for you right now on your screen and just engage with live central church contact us and we'd love to pray for you in this area because remember forgiveness is a gift not just what we give to somebody else it's a gift we give to ourselves to find freedom and 2 corinthians 1 verse 3 and 4 says this praise be to the god and father of our lord jesus christ the father of compassion and the god of all comfort who comforts us all in our troubles so that so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from god and the stewart reminded us last week god will not waste our wounds he will not waste your wounds if we let him comfort us and then let him use us to comfort others with that comfort we've received and if you feel you need prayer this morning as andy said there's a team that would love to pray for you through those doors and i want to invite you as we come to sing our last song together [Music] take advantage of the fact that for the first time since march 2020 you can leave your seat and go and receive some prayer i really want to encourage you to do that let that be your first steps to freedom i don't want to leave you with this last quote it says this the miracle of forgiveness is the creation of a new beginning it does not deny the past injury it merely refuses to let it stand in the way of a new start and as we come to sing our last song together and invite you to go and be prayed for owner pray for us one more time because you don't need to carry those rocks around anymore in fact you don't even need the box to put them in we just need to lay them at the feet of jesus and so father i want to thank you for your freedom i want to thank you that the power of your freedom is the same today as it was 2 000 years ago that it hasn't grown less that it hasn't diminished over time and that father what you did on that cross when you look down and you said father forgive them we can receive that right now and i thank you for that journey that we're on with you there are going to be things that happen in the future that we're going to have to go through this process with but father the things that we need to be dealing with you right now i pray that we'd have the courage and the bravery to begin that journey with you [Music] holy spirit would you help us would you help us to give up whatever rights we feel to you so that we can have freedom [Music] so if you need prayer i'd invite you just to go out as we stand and sing but for the rest of us let's go let's let go and let's be free to walk in the power of forgiveness thanks that hey would you please stand [Music] so [Music] humbled by your majesty covered by your grace and [Music] [Music] is the greatest sacrifice your graces found me just as i am is forever [Music] and [Music] sanctified by glory and fire and now i found the greatest love is your graces found me just forever forever changed [Music] your grace has found me just as i am empty handed by love in your hands [Music] forever i am changed your love in the presence of your majesties were changed by your love in the presence of your majesty [Music] [Music] is [Music] for us just to see forever [Music] let's pray together those of us that are in the room and watching online let's just take a moment to pray [Music] god i thank you [Music] that you did not design us to be in a prison of bitterness but you designed us to be free through forgiveness and so god i thank you for the line in that song that says forgiven so that i can forgive god i pray that we would know that we are forgiven that the things that we hold on about ourselves the mistakes the things that we said or did or even didn't do god i pray that we would know your forgiveness right now [Music] and enough forgiveness god would you help us to forgive others and just as we were singing there i got a sense that for some people watching online and in the room that you know the the thing might not that you need to forgive might not be a specific person that's got a face and a name but it might be a an organization an institution a something that that has been you've been carrying hair and pain and bitterness towards that that place that location that group of people or that institution or organization and god just says forgive like jane said it's not about letting them off the hook it's about you and then working in freedom into your life so god i pray for those people god would you help us to forgive god we know that we can't do this in our own strength but do we do this through your strength in your mighty name [Music] oh amen that was so good from jane and in the room we're going to carry on singing in a few moments on online you're going to head into the studio but we want to give you an opportunity to give financially into the life of the church you know life central does some incredible things and a lot of what we're able to do is only um enabled because of the generous given of people and so in the room you i've got a chance to give by cash on the way out for online and in the room you can give by if by going to our website go to www.lifecentralchurch.org uk forward slash give and there's a number of different options there that you can give financially into the life of the church but another next step that you can take is being baptized and you know baptism is all about living in the forgiveness and the freedom that jesus offers us and if you're new to us or um you're not quite a christian yet or you don't know what you think or believe you know baptism is something that we do regularly here and we've not been able to do for the last 18 months but we're looking into the autumn we want to bring back some baptism services and give you that opportunity and rather than me standing on the stage and explaining it we've put together a little bit of a video to explain all about baptisms and how you can sign up take a look so what's this baptism thing that everybody keeps talking about well baptism on a really practical level is somebody being lowered into water and lifted back out again like this but it's much more than just that being baptized is something that jesus modeled to us when he was baptized by his own cousin he was called john the baptist and jesus instructs us as christians that we should be baptized so what does it mean baptism is a milestone moment in your journey with jesus it's a chance to publicly say that you have decided to follow him we say it like this it's an outward demonstration of an inward decision it's a marker point to say i'm no longer living my life how i used to i'm choosing to live my life following jesus now there's nothing special about the water it's just standard council tap water but the act is largely symbolic baptism literally means to be washed and what it represents is us being made in you when you're lowered into the water it represents you dying to your old life and as you're lifted out it represents jesus resurrection and the new life that you receive through him so if you've made the decision to follow jesus now is the time to be baptized and here's how you do it go to the website at the end of this video and fill out the form in the form you'll be asked to share your story that's because we believe every person who has placed their faith in jesus christ has a story worth sharing and so we want to help you do that as part of your baptism you can do that live on stage pre-recorded video or even just written down whatever we decide together we want to enable you to share your faith story once you've selected a date to be baptized and completed your form we want to encourage you to invite as many friends and family as possible to come along and share in this symbolic moment this is a unique opportunity to show your friends who don't yet follow jesus exactly why you do our team will be there to help you every step of the way answering any questions and helping you in any way we can don't put it off any longer celebrate your decision to follow jesus by being baptized at life central church

Channel: LifecentralChurchUK

Views: 908

Rating: 5 out of 5

Keywords: church, meaning, purpose, life, calling, lifestyle, Jesus, God, Spiritual Growth, God’s wisdom, Make better decisions, faith, decisions, peace, covid-19, coronavirus, worship, giving people hope, evangelism, telling people about jesus, good news, latest news, Sunday, hope, lockdown, jesus, why do christian believe in Jesus?, Church, life central church, lifeCentral, my next step, online ministry, freedom, free to do what you want to do, free, forgiveness, how to forgive, how do i forgive, letting go

Id: rn_6tX-OwzQ

Length: 50min 49sec (3049 seconds)

Published: Sun Jul 25 2021