How can you express
sincere empathy in English, whether you're dealing with an upset
customer or talking with a friend who just lost her job in this
Confident English lesson today, I'm going to share with you four
immediately effective strategies and over 25 common phrases, you can use genuinely
demonstrate empathy in English. If you don't already know, I'm
Annemarie with Speak Confident English. Everything I do is designed to help you
get the confidence you want for your life and work in English,
no matter how shy, stuck, or nervous you might feel right now. One way I do that is through my
weekly Confident English lessons, where I share with you English confidence
and fluency building strategies, advanced level vocabulary
in-depth, grammar, training, and targeted lessons on
communication skills. Just like this one. So while you're here, be sure to subscribe to my
Speak Confident English channel. So you never miss one of these lessons. Now let's get back to
empathy a few weeks ago, a member in my Confident Women Community
shared that she had just started a new job as a customer service
representative in an American company. Within the first few
weeks of her position, she discovered that her language for
demonstrating empathy and English was limited. And she wanted to know if I could help
by offering new ways and new phrases for her to sincerely
express empathy customers. The moment I read that question, I started thinking about this
lesson and here's why empathy is an integral part of emotional intelligence. And it's a highly sought after
skill in client relations. Moreover, empathy is essential for positive
communication on teams and for strong personal
relationships with loved ones. So whether you're looking to sharpen
your professional and English speaking skills and customer service, or you want to ensure effective
communication with everyone around you, this lesson is going to help you
do just that. Plus at the end, I'm going to share with you an email
I recently received that perfectly demonstrates empathy, using all the strategies you're going
to learn here today to get started. Let's do a quick review
of what empathy is and how it's different from sympathy, because I often hear mistakes
or confusion between the two empathy means to experience
or feel with others. It means taking the time to
understand someone else's perspective, two words that we tend to associate
with empathy are I understand sympathy on the other
hand is expressing sorrow, pity or concern for someone else
rather than understanding how someone else feels. It's more focused on how
you feel about that person and his, or her situation. Two words that we tend to associate
with sympathy are, I'm sorry, let's take a look at how both might be
used in a response to a friend who just lost her job. You might start
with sympathy by saying, I'm so sorry you've lost your job. And then to add on an empathetic
response, you might add, I understand how important
that job was to you. If there's anything I can do
to help, please let me know. By adding that empathetic response, you're demonstrating emotional
intelligence and establishing a deeper connection, which ultimately leads to more
compassionate responses and a stronger level of trust in the
relationship to help you do this. Let's take a look at the first
strategy for demonstrating empathy. First acknowledge their
concerns or feelings. By acknowledging someone's
concern, anger, disappointment, frustration, or even a positive
emotion, such as excitement. You are creating that deeper
connection rather than a feeling of you versus me. You creating a sense in which it is us, something that we are in together,
and if a solution is needed, we're going to find it together to
create this feeling it's important to name or acknowledge the
specific feeling or concern. Let's take a look at two different
scenarios to how you might do this. One is professional and the other
more personal first let's imagine that a customer is extremely
frustrated with your product. The customer expected a specific
feature or function only to find that your product doesn't
do what they want. An empathetic response would sound like. I understand how important this feature
is to your business and that you're frustrated that our product
doesn't have that feature. Did you notice the two
keywords? I understand, and we named the specific
feeling frustration. Let's take a look at another
situation that is more or personal. Imagine that one of your coworkers
recently lost a loved one, an empathetic response and acknowledgement
of the feelings might sound like I know how heartbreaking and
painful this loss must be by taking the time to understand and
acknowledge how someone else feels. You're also communicating
openness acceptance. You're creating a window of opportunity
in which you can form that deeper connection. Now, before we move
on to strategy, number two, let's take a look at three more phrases
you can use to help you do this. Number one, I understand this
was very difficult to do, or I understand this was
very frustrating. Number two, you took a leap of faith to share this
with me. Thank you for trusting me, or I know it to took a lot
for you to share this with me. Thank you for trusting
me. And number three, that must have been a
pretty awful experience. That must have been a
terrifying experience. That must have been an
annoying experience. As you can see in all of those phrases, we could use any emotion
that is appropriate. We just have to change that keyword. Once you've acknowledged
someone's concern or feelings, it's time to move on to
strategy. Number two, reflect back what you
hear when others express frustration, sorrow, or anger. We have this tendency to
immediately provide reassurance, but in doing so, it might make the speaker feel that
what they've said has gone in one ear and out the other. In other words, you didn't really hear them at all
before we immediately provide a solution or some kind of reassurance. It's important to demonstrate
empathy by showing that we are fully present in the conversation
and actively listening. We do that by reflecting
back what we hear now, if you're interested in active
listening skills in English, I have a full lesson on that topic. I'll share a link to that
lesson in the video notes below, but now let's talk about how you
can reflect back what you hear. I have three example phrases
for you. And as you listen, I want you to see if you notice a
pattern or formula of some kind phrase, number one, from what I'm hearing, it
sounds like you're feeling annoyed. Is that right? Or from what I'm hearing, it sounds like you're feeling
frustrated. Is that right? Number two, if I understand correctly, you're feeling frustrated because our
product doesn't have that feature. Is that correct? And number three, it sounds like what you're telling me
is that you're frustrated our product doesn't have that feature. Is that true? Did you notice the pattern or
formula I used in each one of those statements? I start by establishing that
I'm going to share what I understand. Then I name
specifically the feeling or concern, and I paraphrase what I
understand the problem to be. And then lastly, I ask to
confirm that assumption, this is particularly effective
when someone is sharing multiple details with you and
you want to get right to the heart of the issue or the heart
of the problem. For example, let's say that you're responding
to a customer who's very upset and bombarding you with details. When
it's time for you to respond, you might say, if I understand correctly, you're feeling frustrated because the
order was canceled and we didn't provide advanced notice. Is that right? These simple phrases that allow you to
acknowledge someone's concern or feeling and reflect back what you hear, take a huge step forward in
offering an empathetic response. And now it's time for
strategy. Number three, identify their needs and show
support with positive language, whether it's a close friend
expressing deep grief over a loss or a customer who's
upset and frustrated expressing those emotions requires
some vulnerability and vulnerability is daunting in a moment of vulnerability. What most people want initially
is to be heard and understood doing that requires a quick
evaluation of whether or not someone is looking for a
solution or whether they simply want your support. And there's a difference. Think for a moment about the
last time you were exhausted at the end of a long, terrible day at work, maybe a customer was extremely upset with
you. There were some missed deadlines, something was over budget and
all of your meetings went long. So you're totally worn out. You get home, you start talking about
your day and in the process, what is it that you want the most? Do you
want someone to interrupt and say, oh, you know what, tomorrow you
should and then give a solution. Or do you want someone to just listen
and say, oh, that sounds awful. I'm so sorry. I understand that must
feel terrible. And you must be exhausted. Chances are you're looking for number two. You want someone to show support. An empathetic listener will be careful
to respond in a way that shows. They understand what you need
in the moment without giving any unsolicited advice.
Similarly, in customer service, an initial empathetic
response will identify the
customer's need before offering a solution. And along the way, it'll include showing support
through positive language to do this. Here are several phrases you
can use. I am here for you. What can I do to help? I understand
this is a very difficult time for you. What can I do right now?
That would be most helpful. How can I help you get through this? I understand why you're angry and I want
to thank you for bringing this to our attention. I'm ready to
help. And lastly, I hear you. This is certainly a frustrating
situation and I'm ready to help everyone. A of those phrases shows empathy
by letting the speaker know that they have been heard and understood,
and you are there to support them. Now in situations when a solution
is expected. For example, if a customer is upset, of course
they want some kind of a resolution. Here's what you might add
on. You can start with, I understand how frustrating this is
and I'm ready to help then provide the solution. For example, we'd like to offer you and
then describe the offer. We can have our maintenance team there by, and then name the date and
time we would it help if we, and then insert your offer
or solution, we will, and then state exactly what you're going
to do or what your team is going to do. How would you feel about, and then offer your solution or
idea once you've gone through those three strategies? The last step in demonstrating
empathy with sincerity is to follow up and express appreciation
while it's important to express empathy in response to
an immediate situation, asking follow up questions, a skill. My Fluency School students
practice in depth is an increased level of skill when demonstrating
empathy in a sincere way. So whether you're talking with a loved
one who just had a terrible day or working with an upset customer, here's how you can effectively
follow up and express appreciation. How are you feeling today?
How are you feeling? Or how have you been since we last spoke? How have things progressed since we
last spoke? How's the process going? We value your feedback and I'd like
to know how things are going since we implemented that solution. Not
only do these open questions, invite more details and converse, but they also help you gauge whether
or not more support is needed. Now, how does all of this look, how do these four strategies go
together in a spoken response or an email? I recently wrote an email to a company
expressing my frustration with their product, a product I've actually used
for years. And to be quite honest, I wasn't just frustrated. I was
angry. I was annoyed in my email. I was sure to be professional, but I
made it very clear how upset I was. And I have to be honest with you. I was stunned in a very
positive way with the email response I received. In fact, it followed every single
one of the strategies I've
just shared with you today. If you'd like to see a full image of this
email, I've shared it with this lesson at my Speak Confident English website, and I'll leave a link directly to
this lesson in the video notes below. But here are a few key phrases from the
email that I'd like to share with you. And as I do, I think you'll immediately notice
which strategies are being used. The email started with, I completely
understand how important it is. I sincerely apologize. And I do appreciate your
2 cents about the matter. It totally makes sense.
And I'm on your side here. I made sure to talk to my team about it. Should we hear any word or update
on this matter rest assure I will personally make sure this
information is relayed to you. How do you think I felt after
reading that email, I felt heard, understood, and appreciated. Although I did not get the
solution I wanted in the end, I trusted the company more. If you are ready to demonstrate
genuine empathy in English, my recommendation is that you choose two
or three phrases from the lesson that you like, or that you feel
comfortable with. Write them down, practice saying them regularly.
Use them as often as you can, just like adding new
words, English vocabulary, repeating phrases consistently
is an important step in helping you remember these phrases,
the instant that you need them. You can also download my free, how to
say what you want in English training, which outlines how to build confidence
and be able to express yourself easily in English with that. Thank you so much for joining
me in today's Confident
English lesson on empathy. Make sure that you subscribe and I
look forward to seeing you next time.
