How to Deal with Severe Behaviors in ADHD Kids

severe tyrannical behavior and kids with ADHD what are severe tyrannical behaviors they are behaviors that children use to take control of their house or use emotional manipulation to get what they want severe tyrannical behaviors include property destruction threats of self harm or suicide and child to parent violence severe tyrannical behaviors are very common in kids with ADHD and they're often not talked about because parents feel ashamed of their child's Behavior or they're worried they're going to be judged well I'm here to tell you if your child is exhibiting severe tyrannical behaviors that does not mean you have done anything wrong and it does mean you need to change things so these behaviors stop before I explain how I teach parents to deal with severe tyrannical behaviors I want to explain what does not work to help reduce or eliminate them number one individual therapy for the child many parents of kids with ADHD have been unintentionally misled as soon as their child was diagnosed because they were referred to treatments which are not evidence-based and do not show efficacy in addressing ADHD related challenges like severe tyrannical behavior these include individual therapy play therapy cognitive behavior therapy what the evidence shows is cognitive behavior therapy can be effective for older adolescents and adults with ADHD but not children the American Academy of Pediatrics evidence-based recommended treatment for children with ADHD is parent training in conjunction with medication management for children six and up I provide ADHD specific parent training through the ADHD dude membership site occupational therapy for sensory issues is also not going to change severe tyrannical Behavior frequent punishments are not going to change severe tyrannical Behavior because many children my own son included become punishment adverse meaning punishments no longer work for them the last thing that I want to mention that does not work and often makes severe tyrannical behaviors worse is when parents begin talking a lot during their child's emotional escalation because they have been led to believe that their child's Port treatment of others means they are connection seeking and they want your connection at that time let me be very direct with you and explain there is a lot of messaging on neurodiverse parenting social media and even in just general parenting social media that I believe is put out with the intention of selling products to mothers because the messaging is designed to make mothers feel good and make them feel needed at the expense of doing what's most helpful for the child as an example messaging that tells parents that when their child is treating them poorly or engaging in severe tyranical Behavior well that's when they need connection and empathy and your job in that moment is to try to talk to them and empathize with them when you do that you're reinforcing severe tyrannical behaviors with your undivided attention and what that teaches your child is when you are treating others poorly you are going to be rewarded with undivided attention and that reinforces the behavior and typically makes it worse however I don't know of any clinical literature that says when your child is being violent or holding a knife up to themselves that you should begin giving them attention and trying to empathize with them and problem solve so let me explain how you should deal with severe tyrannical behaviors and this is covered in scaffolding better Behavior the ADHD due parent behavior training program number one do not give attention or emotional reactivity to the severe tyrannical behaviors in the moment as an example often when kids threaten property destruction or they break property parents get involved and start chasing them around the house or trying to you know block them from breaking things this becomes a game to kids because what it's showing them is you are giving them your emotional reactivity and the ADHD brain tends to be novelty seeking so this becomes funny to a lot of kids with ADHD what started off as anger because they're not getting their way has now turned into a game for them another example if your child is being violent towards you that is not the time to start saying use feeling words do you want to talk about how you feel should we problem solv here because because often language makes emotional disregulation worse now if your child is being violent towards one of your other children yes you have to intervene to keep your other child safe but again you are not giving attention and emotional reactivity to your child we want to remove your other child and yourself from the situation and let your child know that when your brain is calm that's when we can talk however we are not going to be around you when you are being violent towards us another example it's really common for kids with ADHD when they are stuck because they're not getting their way to hold knives up to themselves threaten self harm or threaten suicide now always if you are concerned for your child's safety you need to take them to the nearest emergency room or immediately call the police and if you're not concerned that they're going to hurt themselves because they threaten this a lot and have never done anything to hurt themselves you need to not give attention to the behavior because the more you give attention and emotional reactivity to it the more you reinforce its Effectiveness what I teach in scaffolding better behavior is give purposeful recognition and praise to the behaviors we do want do not give attention and emotional reactivity to the behaviors you don't want number two is following this protocol that I'm about to outline to deal with severe tyrannical behaviors this protocol involves number one enlisting supporters who are people who your child respects who can reach out to them when they are struggling to offer their unconditional support the reason why we enlist supporters is because often kids with ADHD do not want people outside of the immediate family knowing about their severe tyrannical behaviors they want these behaviors to be kept the Family secret when people who they respect find out about them they experience what's called constructive shame destructive shame is trying to make somebody feel badly whereas constructive shame is when we feel bad because we know we've treated somebody wrong so think about constructive shame as your internal moral compass if I treated you poorly and I feel guilty about it that's constructive shame it serves a constructive purpose for me to understand that what I did was wrong and I need to make amends to you when we enlist supporters to support the child and severe tyrannical behaviors are no longer kept a family secret your child will experience constructive shame and they might be upset with you for sharing this information with others but this is what is needed to help significantly reduce or stop severe tyrannical behaviors number two is taking a Firm Stance often we forget that taking a stance and letting our children know that we don't approve of something can be really powerful there are no threats involved there are no ultimatums just saying I don't approve of you holding the knife up to yourself I won't accept that that has a powerful message to kids which is why we take airm stance and let them know that we don't approve of these behaviors now please keep in mind we do not do this in the moment because again parents often unintentionally escalate kids when they're already emotionally disregulated so we want to do this at a calm time number three is presenting the child with an announcement an announcement is a formal letter that you will write and reach your child expl explaining what you have been doing that has not been helpful to them such as allowing these behaviors to continue and letting them know what you will be changing in response to their behavior so we are not asking the child to change anything rather we are acknowledging how we have engaged in Parental accommodation which is changing our Behavior to Plate the child and we're letting them know how we're going to change in response to their severe tyranical Behavior there are downloadable examples of these announcement letters that you can find in the downloadable section SE of the ADHD dude membership site now people often ask well what if my child doesn't listen or what if they rip up the letter that's okay we leave a copy on their bed we hang a copy on the refrigerator and even if they may rip it up in the moment or not listen to you I promise you that they will read it because you're doing something differently here and you're throwing them off guard and that's going to be helpful in understanding that you're serious about changing this and number four is having daily expectations in place for the child earning things that we provide for them such as smart phones video games and so on very often in families of kids with ADHD I see what I refer to as high giving low expectations when parents give all these expensive things to the child and expect nothing in return except for maybe academic performance so when children with ADHD do not have a sense of purpose at home when they do not feel useful and they are not working towards anything that often results in very entitled and immature Behavior at home that is not exhibited elsewhere this protocol I just explained is evidence-based and if you'd like to read more about it please check out the book courageous parents by Dr Kim om if you are ready to significantly reduce or end the severe tyrannical behaviors you've been dealing with in your house please check out scaffolding better behavior and creating daily expectations which are part of the ADHD dude membership site I hope this is helpful I'll speak to you soon take care

Channel: ADHD Dude

Views: 7,276

Keywords: Adhd, adhd social skills, ADHD Dude, Ryan Wexelblatt, adhd dude membership site, ryan adhd coach, adhd dude social skills, adhd coach ryan, add dude, adhd guy, ADD dude, ADD guy, ADHD and ODD, adhd dude membership, adhd in boys, adhd dude brochachos, adhd social skills lessons, brochachos, oppositional defiant disorder, adhd social problems, explaining adhd to kids, adhd kids, adhd children, adhd kids treatment, adhd boys

Id: 4YaVZb_o0Jg

Length: 9min 1sec (541 seconds)

Published: Thu May 09 2024