In a world where interactions with difficult individuals are unavoidable, we are confronted with challenging relationships on a daily basis. Unfortunately, we often go about managing them the wrong way. What can we learn from the past great thinkers about this? Difficult people have always existed. Nero often regarded as one of the most notorious Roman Emperors of antiquity, By the conclusion of Nero's reign, he had orchestrated the deaths of his own mother, murdered his wives, and even ordered the execution of Seneca, a prominent figure in Stoic philosophy. Nero epitomized evil in its most grotesque form. While the individuals we encounter in our daily lives may not descend to the depths of Nero's depravity, they often exhibit tyrannical tendencies, albeit on a smaller scale. These individuals seek to exert control over the uncontrollable and impose their solipsistic worldview upon the world around them. Is a world without these people possible? Unlikely within our lifetimes. So, the pertinent question becomes: How do we navigate encounters with them without sacrificing our own integrity? We offer five Stoic strategies for coping with the most challenging individuals. Before we embark a humble request: If you find value in this content, would aid in furthering the spread of Stoic wisdom and if you're not yet subscribed consider joining us and hitting the bell to stay updated on our journey. 1. Give People The Benefit of the Doubt Marcus Aurelius once said: "I have seen the beauty of good and the ugliness of evil, and have recognised that the wrongdoer has a nature related to my own." Marcus Aurelius, possessing the authority to bar rude individuals from his presence, chose a different approach. Instead, he began each day by mentally preparing himself for encounters with such individuals, recognizing that fellow humans could often be selfish, rude, and vexatious. The aim was to preempt any surprise or indignation, ensuring that he remained unruffled and composed in the face of such behavior. However, there's another crucial aspect to this practice - taking a moment to empathize with and comprehend the motivations behind such behavior. It's imperative to resist the reflexive impulse to interpret rudeness as a personal affront. Instead, we strive to refrain from assuming malicious intent or viewing their actions solely through a lens of selfishness. Consider this perspective when you find yourself waiting in line at the checkout or stuck in traffic, or when someone's actions provoke frustration and prompt you to question, "What's wrong with this person?" Recognize that you're unaware of their circumstances or the challenges they've faced. How much more compassionate and patient could you be if you understood their reality? Better yet, what if you extended them the benefit of the doubt in every situation? 2. The Best Revenge Marcus Aurelius once said: "You don't have to turn this into something. It doesn't have to upset you. Things can't shape our decisions by themselves." We want to emphasize that Stoicism does not advocate passivity or resignation in the face of adversity. Stoics were not passive bystanders; they were individuals of strength and resilience. However, they recognized the futility of seeking revenge or harboring grudges. Seneca once said: "Best to take the opposite course. Would anyone think it normal to return a kick to a mule or a bite to a dog?" That's precisely why, when faced with insults, Cato chose to ignore them, demonstrating his indifference. Epictetus, upon encountering offensive remarks, recognized that his own reaction was within his control, refusing to assign blame solely to others. He even jestingly remarked that if they truly knew him, their criticisms would likely intensify. Similarly, when Marcus Aurelius's character came under attack, he upheld his Stoic principles, asserting that the most effective retaliation was to remain steadfast in virtue. Marcus Aurelius once said: "The best revenge is not to be like that." Likewise, we must remind ourselves of this wisdom. We need not form opinions on every matter or escalate trivialities into significant conflicts. We need not stoop to the level of others. 3. Step Outside Of Yourself Marcus Aurelius once said: "Think of substance in its entirety, of which you have the smallest of shares; and of time in its entirety, of which a brief and momentary span has been assigned to you; and of the works of destiny, and how very small is your part in them." Indeed, we've all experienced moments of being swept away by the heat of the moment. Whether it's someone cutting us off on the freeway, speaking rudely, or simply being unpleasant, we can find ourselves so overcome with irritation and emotion that we scarcely recognize ourselves. In these instances, we become someone else entirely, consumed by a sense of injustice or wrongdoing. In such moments, it's beneficial to adopt a broader perspective, to heed Marcus Aurelius's counsel to "take the view from above." By stepping back and considering the situation from a higher vantage point, we gain clarity and distance from the immediate emotions, enabling us to respond with greater composure and wisdom. The Stoic principle of Sympatheia serves as our greatest ally when confronting difficult individuals. It encourages us to adopt a broader perspective, seeing the bigger picture beyond the immediate encounter. In the heat of the moment, when faced with rudeness or hostility, there's often a temptation to retaliate or assert our dominance. However, this impulse stems from an inflated sense of self-importance rather than our true selves. It's essential to recognize that succumbing to this impulse can tarnish our character and integrity. Instead, by embracing Sympatheia, we can rise above petty grievances and maintain our composure, understanding that everyone is interconnected, and that our actions ripple outward, influencing others and shaping our shared reality. 4. Strive To Be Indifferent Marcus Aurelius once said: "To live a good life: We have the potential for it. If we learn to be indifferent to what makes no difference." Emotions wield considerable influence over us, often tempting us to yield to their sway. However, the cost of descending to another person's level is far greater than the discipline required to control ourselves. Stoicism frequently emphasizes the importance of control, but it primarily pertains to mastering ourselves rather than attempting to control others. By cultivating self-control, we not only preserve our own integrity but also avoid being ensnared in the turbulent emotions and actions of others. Seneca would assert that while it's undoubtedly preferable to be wealthy rather than impoverished, tall rather than short, Stoics remain an indifference to fate's hand. This indifference stems from their inner strength to adapt and thrive regardless of external circumstances. This mindset is crucial in our interactions with others. Expecting constant respect from others invariably leads to disappointment. Instead, we must align our expectations with reality. As Marcus Aurelius admonished, we should strive each day to remain unharmed by the actions and words of others. By cultivating this resilience, we can navigate the complexities of human interactions with grace and equanimity. By cultivating indifference to the words and actions of others, we safeguard ourselves from being unduly harmed or affected by them. 5. Accept That Rude People Are Inescapable Marcus Aurelius once said: "When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: the people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous, and surly." It's truly remarkable to consider that even as an Emperor, Marcus Aurelius encountered his fair share of rude and arrogant individuals. This serves to underscore a fundamental truth: rude people have always been and will always be a part of the human experience, ubiquitous in every corner of the world. Marcus himself reflected on this reality, acknowledging that a world devoid of shameless, foolish, mean, or insensitive individuals is simply not feasible. He reminds us not to demand the impossible, recognizing that such individuals are an inevitable aspect of the human condition. Ultimately, we must come to terms with the fact that unpleasant people will always exist. Our responsibility is to take the high road, responding to rudeness with indifference and empathy. Consider: How deeply wounded must someone be to lash out with rudeness? How plagued by insecurity must they be to belittle or insult others whom they scarcely know? This is the mindset we must embrace as Stoics. Any other reaction - seeking revenge, succumbing to anger, resorting to violence - only serves to exacerbate the negativity in the world. As Stoics, we are tasked with embodying the opposite: fostering understanding, empathy, and compassion, even in the face of adversity. Final Thoughts It all boils down to remembering that you possess a choice. As Epictetus eloquently stated, "Every event has two handles, one by which it can be carried, and one by which it can't. If your brother does you wrong, don't seize upon the wronging itself, for this handle cannot bear the weight. Instead, grasp the other handle - that he is your brother, that you were raised together - and then you will have a handle that can carry." Now that you're aware of these two handles, which one will you choose to grasp? Thank you for joining us on this Stoic journey! Until next time may these practices transform your mornings, your days and ultimately your life.
