4 AWFUL Habits That Make People Disrespect You | Stoic PHILOSOPHY

four toxic habits that can make people lose respect for you these aren't just harmless quirks they're behaviors that can seriously undermine your reputation and damage your relationships you might be thinking come on everyone has bad habits and you're right but the habits we're discussing today are particularly harmful because they strike at the core of how we interact with others they can turn a promising friendship or professional relationship sound in no time to give this topic a personal touch I'm going to share some of my own experiences trust me I've made plenty of mistakes along the way and I've learned a lot from them these stories are a bit raw and honest but I believe sharing them will help us all grow by recognizing and overcoming these habits we can start living a life full of dignity and respect we'll be drawing on the teachings of stoicism an ancient philosophy that offers Timeless advice for living a virtuous and fulfilling life stoicism is about more than just enduring hardships with a stiff upper lip it's about cultivating inner peace integrity and resilience so grab a cup of coffee sit back and let's dive in ready let's get into it habit number one gossiping let's get real about gossiping it's one of those habits that almost everyone indulges in but no one wants to admit to I used to be a huge gossip and it took a lot of painful lessons to realize just how damaging it was when I was in college gossiping was practically a sport my friends and I would sit around for hours dissecting every little detail of other people's lives at first it felt harmless even fun it made us feel connected like we were in on some EX exclusive secret but the truth is gossiping is a toxic habit that can destroy trust and respect here's a story I'm not proud of there was this girl in our group let's call her Emily she was a bit different quirky introverted didn't always fit in one day I found out she had a crush on a guy who was let's say way out of her League instead of keeping that information to myself I shared it with my friends we li about it and the story spread like wildfire it wasn't long before Emily found out what we'd been saying the look on her face when she realized that her personal feelings had become a joke was heartbreaking she stopped coming around and eventually she left the group entirely at the time I brushed it off but deep down I knew I'd crossed a line the stoics like epic tetus teach us to focus on our own character and not meddle in the Affairs of others when you gossip you're not only wasting time but also poisoning The Well of trust keep silence for the most part and speak only when you must and then briefly epicus gossiping erodes trust when you engage in Gossip people start to wonder what you say about them behind their backs it creates an environment of Suspicion and betrayal I learned this the way when my own words came back to haunt me another incident happened at my first job I had a coworker let's call him John who was incredibly diligent but a bit of a loner one day I found out through the grape vine that Jon had a pretty serious health issue instead of respecting his privacy I told a few colleagues thinking it would make for an interesting conversation John found out of course he confronted me not angrily but with a look of deep hurt and disappointment he told me that he trusted me with that information thinking I would be discreet from that day on our working relationship was never the same I had lost his respect and trust and it was entirely my fault this experience taught me a critical lesson respect other people's privacy everyone has their battles and vulnerabilities by turning someone's personal life life into fodder for conversation you not only disrespect them but also reveal a lack of Integrity in yourself the stoics believed in uplifting and constructive conversations instead of gossiping focus on positive dialogue that builds people up rather than tearing them down remember if someone is willing to gossip to you they're just as likely to gossip about you habit number two being unreliable let's talk about being unreliable this one hits home for a lot of people and it's a habit that cons seriously erode respect reliability is foundational to any relationship whether personal or professional if people can't count on you they'll quickly lose respect for you I've got a personal story about this in my early 20s I was known among my friends as the flaky one I would make plans and then cancel last minute or just not show up at all I thought it was no big deal life is busy right but one incident really opened my eyes a close friend of mine Sarah was throwing a birthday party she had gone all out planning for weeks organizing every detail I promised I'd be there but on the day of the party I got caught up in something else and decided not to go I didn't even bother to let her know until hours after the event had started when I finally called her I could hear the disappointment in her voice she didn't say much but I knew I'd let her down our friendship was never quite the same after that she stopped inviting me to things and we drifted apart being unreliable tells people that your word means nothing if you say you'll do something do it if you promise to be somewhere be there it's about showing that respect other people's time and effort another example is from my professional life early in my career I had a habit of overc committing and underd delivering I'd agreed to take on projects and then miss deadlines often without warning I thought my charm and excuses would smooth things over but my boss wasn't amused during a performance review she laid it out bluntly your work is good when you do it but your lack of reliab ability is a problem people don't know if they can count on you it was a harsh wakeup call reliability isn't just about showing up it's about consistency and integrity when you commit to something you're putting your reputation on the line every time you flake out you chip away at the trust others have in you so how do we fix this first be honest with yourself about what you can and can't do don't overcommit if you make a promise keep it communicate proactively if something comes up and you can't follow through show that you value other people's time as much as your own by being reliable you earn the respect and Trust of those around you it's a simple but powerful way to strengthen your relationships and build a solid reputation habit number three interrupting others this one is controversial because so many people do it without even realizing it but let's be real constantly interrupting others is a huge sign of disrespect it says what I have to say is more important than what you're saying it's a habit that not only frustrates people but also makes them feel undervalued and unheard I used to be a chronic interruptor I thought it showed enthusiasm and intelligence but in reality it showed a lack of respect and Pence here's a personal story that drove this point home for me in one of my early jobs I was part of a team that had weekly brainstorming sessions I was eager to impress so I'd constantly jump in with my ideas often cutting people off mids sentence I thought I was being proactive but my co-workers saw it differently one day during a particularly intense meeting my manager stopped the discussion and addressed me me directly you need to let people finish their thoughts she said bluntly you're not listening you're just waiting for your turn to speak I was embarrassed but it didn't end there after the meeting a colleague pulled me aside and said do you even realize how dismissive you come across it's like you think your ideas are the only ones that matter that hit me hard I didn't see myself as dismissive but clearly that's how I was perceived interrupting others is more than just rude it shows a lack of self-control and respect the stoics valued listening and understanding over speaking senica advises us to be patient and considerate in our conversations I remember another incident vividly I was out with friends at a bar and one friend was sharing a deeply personal story about his struggles with anxiety halfway through I jumped in with my own experience thinking it would help him feel understood instead he looked at me and said can I finish the mood shifted instantly what I thought was empathy came across as hijacking his moment that night I realized something crucial listening is more than just hearing words it's about being present and allowing others to express themselves fully by inter interrupting I was undermining that process making it about me rather than them to break this habit practice active listening when someone is speaking really listen don't just wait for your turn to talk give them the space to express their thoughts completely before you respond it's a simple but powerful way to show respect and build stronger connections remember interrupting signals that you think your words are more important than theirs it's about valuing others contributions and fostering an environment of mutual respect the next time you're in a conversation challenge yourself to truly listen you might be surprised at how much more you learn and how much more respect you earn habit number four complaining complaining is a habit that's not only annoying but also deeply corrosive it's one thing to vent occasionally but constant complaining can turn you into a negative force that people want to avoid this habit can drain your energy and the energy of those around you leading to lost respect and damaged relationships I used to be a chronic complainer I thought it was a way to bond with people to find Common Ground over shared grievances but it didn't take long for me to realize how destructive this habit was let me share a personal story a few years ago I worked at a job that I found incredibly frustrating the workload was Heavy the management was disorganized and I felt undervalued instead of looking for Solutions or ways to improve the situation I complained constantly to anyone who would listen my co-workers my friends even my family they all heard about my endless grievances at first people were sympathetic they'd nod and agree offering their own complaints as a form of solidarity But as time went on I noticed a shift people started avoiding me conversations grew shorter and I wasn't invited to afterw work Hangouts as often the final straw came when a close friend told me I love you but you're becoming really negative it's exhausting to be around you the stoics believed in focusing on what we can control and accepting what we cannot complaining constantly keeps you fixated on the negative which not only affects your mindset but also how others perceive you it's a sign that you're more focused on problems than Solutions which is not an attractive quality another experience that drove this home was during a group project in college one of my teammates let's call him Mike was a Relentless complainer every meeting he'd go on about how unfair the workload was how incompetent the professor was and how pointless the project seemed his negativity was contagious and soon the entire team's morale plummeted we were all fed up and just wanted to get the project over with rather than putting in our best effort seeing this from another perspective was eye-opening it made me realize how my own complaining had likely affected those around me in similar ways I decided to take a different approach I started practicing gratitude and focusing on Solutions instead of complaining about my job I began identifying specific issues and looking for ways to address them if I felt undervalued I sought feedback on how I could improve and made a case for a raise when management was disorganized I took the initiative to streamline processes within my control it wasn't easy and it didn't change overnight but the results were significant people noticed my shift in Attitude my relationships improved and I started earning back the respect I'd lost I became someone people wanted to work with and be around rather than someone they avoided thank you for watching if you found this video helpful hit that like button subscribe and share it with someone who might need to hear this let's strive to live better more respectful lives until next time stay strong stay stoic

Channel: James The Stoic

Views: 153,753

Keywords: stoicism, stoic philosophy, philosophy, stoics, stoic mindset, modern philosophy, daily motivation, virtue, knowledge, focus, how to be rich, power, wealth, what is stoicism, self-improvement, wisdom, happiness, success, wise, life changing, seneca, empowerment, religion, successful, marcus aurelius, ryan holiday stoicism

Id: crJfHj9-k6E

Length: 15min 3sec (903 seconds)

Published: Sun May 19 2024