There are a lot of reasons for wanting a lava
moat around your house, but not that many how-to videos explaining how to build one. So we’re here to change that. It’s actually pretty easy to make lava,
at least in principle - the ingredients are just rocks and heat. Lots of heat. Most rocks melt at temperatures between 800
and 1200 celsius, which is hotter than your oven, so you’ll need a gas or charcoal powered
forge, or an electric furnace. It’s tempting to choose a kind of rock or
even metal or glass that melts at a lower temperature, but then it won’t glow as much:
the intensity and color of the glow depends on how hot the lava is, and you definitely
want a lava moat that glows (preferably a nice bright orange-yellow color). For this reason, we recommend only top quality
Keweenawan basalt obtained from the upper midwest. One of the challenges in maintaining a glowing
lava moat is that it’s literally radiating away its energy in the form of heat and light;
this means you can’t simply melt your lava, pour it into your moat, and call it a day. Your lava moat is going to need some kind
of built-in heating apparatus to make up for the losses: a ceramic crucible with high temperature
electric heating coils will work just fine. And you’ll definitely want a good layer
of insulation to keep heat from leaking into the ground - because you’re going to need
a lot of heat! At the temperatures we’re working with,
lava radiates roughly 100 kilowatts of heat per square meter (that’s equivalent to 1000
100-watt lightbulbs per square meter - though you can’t fit 1000 100-watt light bulbs
into a square meter, if that gives you any sense of how intense lava is). Anyway, electricity typically costs around
10 cents per kilowatt hour, so each square meter of lava moat is going to cost you around
$10 per hour. This means that a lava moat a meter wide and
enclosing an area roughly the size of a football field will cost $60,000 per day to keep running. If you don’t like the idea of being reliant
on somebody else to keep your lava moat home security system operational, you could instead
power it with solar panels, or build your own power plant. Each of these has its pros and cons: solar
power never needs fuel resupply shipments: the sun is going to keep burning for a while. However, every square meter of lava moat requires
2000 square meters of solar panels to keep it glowing day and night. We don’t need to explain the security risks
of putting your lava moat’s power source outside of the protection of the lava moat,
so if you want a lava moat a meter wide powered entirely by solar panels inside of the moat,
the math works out that the moat needs to surround an array of solar panels 8 kilometers
across. Which is clearly absurd. You can have a wider and yet more reasonable-sized
moat if you instead build your own commercial scale power plant inside it - coal and nuclear
power plants produce enough energy to heat a lava moat 10 meters wide and encircling
an area 500 meters across - enough space to fit the power plant and your house inside! The downside is that (unless you build your
moat on top of a coal or uranium deposit) you’ll need to bring in outside fuel, so
your lava moat won’t be entirely off-grid. Perhaps the best off-grid option for powering
your lava moat is simply to take inspiration from the source of lava itself: the earth’s
own internal heat. Assuming you don’t have access to an island
in a lava lake in an active volcano, the next best option is geothermal power: by choosing
the right location, a good geothermal power plant can heat a modest-sized lava moat that’s
perfect for protecting a single family home. I suppose you might also want to learn about
precisely how wide your lava moat should be to deter intruders, or how to cool your house
once it’s successfully encircled by lava, or how to deal with all the noxious fumes
given off by lava. And for that, you need to check out the full
lava moat instructions available in the book, “How To” by Randall Munroe, which this
video is based on (and supported by). How To is an absurd and entertaining self-help
guide full of ridiculous over-the-top advice about everything from how to dig a hole, to
how to be on time, to how to ski, to how to catch a drone. You can find a how-to guide for how to obtain
a copy of “How To” in the video description, and a big thanks to Randall and “How To”
for supporting and inspiring this “How To” video.
The build your own power plant thing doesn't really work, not because you need fuel delivery (It'd be easy to fit more nuclear fuel than a nuclear power plant will use in its lifetime on site, in fact, you need that building for waste storage anyway, and given the cost of nuclear construction this will be a minor blip on upfront cost of the project), but because of water delivery. At anywhere from 200 to 4000 gal/MWh thermal power plants are a terrible choice for supporting lava moats, as its quite difficult to intersect a lava moat with a river.
Instead, I propose a much more elegant solution: A lava cooled nuclear reactor. This won't produce any electricity, instead a very high temperature reactor (900C should do it, and available from Japan) will simply have lava flowing from one side of the moat, through the reactor, and out the other side. Removing the steam turbine from the design will also save you up to 70% on the total cost of ownership of the reactor.
This also has the side effect of making the lava moat slightly more radioactive than it would normally be. As a safe distance from the lava moat should be maintained at all times this will not actually increase the danger posed by the lava moat, but a sign saying "warning, radioactive lava moat" will probably greatly increase the deterrent effect.
Thought I was in r/dwarffortress
fuck, i kinda want this book now
Randall will be here in town in a little over two weeks signing this book when it comes out. I've had my tickets since he announced the tour - I can't wait!
Short story:
In minecraft: we were digging a moat around our skull fortress, the lava would come out of it’s nose, into the moat.
I accidentally left a little hole open to our mines below the skull fortress and when we spawned the lava: everyone died. My fault.