How to Become Comfortable Being Alone | Stephanie Lyn Coaching 2022

hey guys welcome back thanks for joining me for another video my name is stephanie i'm a life and relationship coach this week i want to get into let's talk about being comfortable being alone single or just not even single sometimes just like actually being physically alone so let's really get into this because i know valentine's day is around the corner and i tend to like to do these types of videos around valentine's day because whether you are in a relationship or not is completely irrelevant you have to learn how to be alone you have to be comfortable with your own company and i think that these are great things to be aware of things to work on and hopefully give you kind of like a little step-by-step guide on how to get really comfortable with this because you need to be your own best friend and this is essential towards being mentally healthy emotionally healthy et cetera so let's dive right into this but before we do if you have not already subscribed to this channel don't forget to click subscribe down below and click on post notifications so you can be aware i am actually now doing a membership program after getting all of your feedback and really the things that you guys want from me i wanted to create something that i knew would really really help people and i think a lot of people really want quick coaching especially in this day and age between social media and instagram and tech talk it is so so fast paced so if you are interested in working with me and you for whatever reasons are not able to actually do private one-on-one coaching with me you can enroll in my membership program this is basically where you're able to email me text me dm me throughout the day and i think that this is really beneficial because a lot of us really just need that cheerleader in our back pocket that are rooting us on that are helping us through our day-to-day lives so i won't get too too much into what the membership actually entails i will just tell you to click the link down below and look into it if you are interested in working with me and getting coaching throughout your days now underneath this video you will see my storefront so you will see all my courses my ebooks my services things like that you can click that and begin registering and really taking the initiative to invest in yourself and work on yourself so you can heal and honestly create the life that you want to live right like let's let's just learn to be happy like what does that even actually mean so let's dive into self-development you can check out that info uh down below so let's get into one of the first things that i think really kind of hurts people um in this fear of being alone and a lot of people really struggle with it whether you are in a relationship or not being your own best friend being okay in your own company is really a part of how you are programmed so do you have a tape that says you should be in a relationship so now i'm talking about my singles out there you know was grandma kind of pushing you that you should be married by now is are your parents always kind of giving you that sad story that sob story about how oh my god i can't believe you're still single and you don't deserve it and there's just this stigma in the world social media everywhere that says link up link up and no one's okay just being alone and no one's okay just like being happy and creating like a nice life and enjoying yourself just just here i mean i'm getting goosebumps legit as i'm saying it because it's just about being good in your own skin and not needing these things these relationships this money this whatever to kind of justify how you feel about yourself inside so if the programming comes from mom that she wants kids and she needs you to get married asap then yeah that's going to be in the background if your whole life you've been told either blatantly or even with a little hidden agenda that you need someone in order to be okay then you're going to not feel good about yourself when you are single during periods of your life maybe you do enjoy your own time but perhaps sometimes feel guilty like you should be in a relationship by now because perhaps you're of a certain age and maybe you do want to actually be in a relationship maybe you do actually want to have married and have children someday but you have put pressure on yourself that it needs to happen in this way and of course we all know that when that happens we're never going to actually get what we want the way we want it and so how can we kind of like move with life and enjoy life while life is evolving for us and as we're actually creating the life that we really want to live so how you're programmed and acknowledging that program is going to be a huge huge thing because it really starts with the stories i mean what you think you believe and so if you believe that you're 30 and that you should be married by now um and that you don't like being single then guess what that story is going to keep you stuck in this feeling of not being okay being single i think oftentimes people get really messed up in these fantasies that we put on other people and ourselves and life that life is supposed to go like this this like fantasy of this like magical wedding where i'm a princess and like i have this big ring and like what my relationship status actually means and then how i'm viewed to society and like all that stuff is irrelevant because you could be in a relationship right now and be in a horrible one you could be married and be married to someone who's completely toxic and healthy you could have those outside things that you're really really searching for to validate yourself and still feel alone inside so that's why it's so so important to really be comfortable in your own skin really work on yourself because when you are in a good space you will automatically attract someone who's at your level if you're not you're always going to attract the narcissist you're always going to attract the toxic people and those are relationships that no one wants to be in and you might want to be in it the first year or two but at some point you're going to wake up and say i want more and this person's not going to be capable of it because they were always showing you that they were toxic you just didn't actually want to see it and accept it and acknowledge it right so because of that you stay stuck in relationships that aren't good for you because you feel the need to be in one because of this fantasy that we portray on ourselves that i need to be in a relationship in order to feel good about myself i need a relationship i need a baby i need the wedding i need the marriage i need this i need that in order for me to just enjoy life and like life is really really simple if you actually break down the fundamentals of what it really means to have a great life you know all the things that we think of when we say we want a good life what does that actually mean it's happiness it's being in the moment it's being grateful it's it's enjoying ourselves and you can do that stuff regardless of your relationship status but it has to do with a couple of things let's get into more of this because i think that this is important aside from just the fantasy and the the perceptions that we have of life and how we should be in relationships and how that kind of trips us up but that need for wanting that relationship so so badly of course like i mentioned it's going to make you pick the wrong person i mean let's just be frank like the desperate you are or how desperate you are for a relationship your standards are going to be off you're not going to have any boundaries you're not going to even quite frankly think about who it is that you really want for yourself you're just going to take anything because you need something so badly right in order to make yourself feel good inside to make yourself feel like you're not flawed that you are lovable that yep you're 30 and you are getting married yep okay i'm getting married and i'm gonna have kids yep so i'm doing exactly what i should be doing versus you just being okay in your own skin living your life having a good life creating a good life you feel good you attract good people and then that's when you're actually in that real connection and intimacy in that relationship that you really are yearning for and you're really searching for that's when you you know everything starts coming into play but one of the things that i think really hurts people is when they have this story in this view that they're alone you know this like i'm alone i'm single i mean what does that actually mean at the end of the day like you might be physically alone from time to time but guess what again there are couples that are in relationships that are physically alone a lot of the time and they have a false sense of security sometimes in those relationships so you're never actually alone you have the support system you you you know if you really wanted to you could get a roommate it doesn't matter your age um my grandfather's in his 90s and guess what he's got a roommate so you know it's a person that he shares his space with that he lives with really essentially so who cares about age it's just about what do you need in order to feel comfortable right now but i think that story of i'm alone really scares people and you are never alone and if you really felt not okay physically being alone there are things that you could do to make yourself feel comfortable um in that type of situation but again i think it's more about the stories that you tell yourself that are causing the anxiety that are causing the fear that are causing the distress versus you actually physically living alone i don't think that's really what is hurting people it's just the story that they keep repeating in their mind that they're creating that's causing the anxiety around being single or living alone but i think a couple things that you definitely can do to make yourself feel comfortable with this because a big part of this is you learning how to be your own best friend and another big part of it is you learning how to actually create a life for yourself happiness for yourself outside of our relationship status and when you learn how to do this this takes you into your relationship so you can actually be a healthy partner and not be codependent on your partner and a big part of it is going to be you getting out of your comfort zone you living and the way that you've always lived and never pushing yourself to do more to meet people to set goals for yourself that is going to keep you stuck it just is because if you're not growing i mean you're kind of dead inside am i right um so really pushing yourself to do things that you wouldn't normally do only you can determine what that is so if you sat right now and i said to you what is something that you really want in your life right now that you don't have be honest if you could just snap your fingers and you have everything a sign of physical possessions or money or relationship status most often what people are going to say is they need more things to do with their time so meaning they just have too much time on their hands and they go to work and they live the same life over and over again so life's kind of mundane and boring in order to enjoy life you have to have a variety of things that are going on you have to have different interests you have to have things that you're excited about so what are you excited about if there's nothing you're excited about then that means that you're completely in your comfort zone of life and you haven't started pushing yourself out okay what does that mean now so that could mean do you want to get physically fit do you want to take an exercise class have you ever wanted to learn how to knit do you want to take a sewing class do you like boxing do you want to go play poker with your friends a couple nights a week so whatever it is that you would want that you would want to do how do you start allowing yourself to do those things outside of someone inviting you to do them or someone else taking the initiative to create the life for you and just bringing you along on their life you want to be a person that's a self-starter you want to be a person that isn't afraid to ask a friend out for dinner on tuesday night and if they say no i don't get offended by it that i'll move on and i'll find something else um but you also want things that you're excited about so a big part of real self-love self-development is creating routines for yourself and creating flexibility in those routines and putting in some fun things that you can really plan ahead and be excited for that could be projects that could be trips that could be starting a new business that could be anything that kind of moves you a little bit in a different direction that you don't normally go on a day in and day out but also having the things that you do do day in and day out that are healthier habits that you can kind of maneuver into your daily life that you know you should be doing so if i said to you what should you be doing right now you would 100 know you would either say something like i should be eating a little bit better i should be getting some physical exercise i should be doing something to cut out some time just for me i should so you should be doing more for yourself but you don't and since you're single this is the perfect opportunity because whether you're a single parent you don't have another partner here that's eating up any of your time so whether the kids go to bed and you have like an hour to yourself that's your time whether the kids go with their other parent a couple days of nights a week or whatever that looks like you have your own time and determining what you want to do on that time is going to either make you feel amazing and you're going to enjoy being single or you're still going to really dread it so i think that's a huge thing i think physical exercise is a thing that everyone should be doing whether it's going for a walk whether it's i don't care if it's two degrees outside bundle up and go for a walk around the block like just getting some kind of sweat on doing something outside in nature it really kind of brings you back to center and it really helps you on a mental level i think another huge thing is comparing yourself to other people why do we do this i don't no i don't know why actually i don't know why we feel the need to look at someone else's life and be jealous or envious of it it can you can feel jealous where you would want to have something that they have that's totally fine but to be envious of any other person's life makes no sense because if you really break down their life they don't have everything everyone has something that they're struggling with or dealing with and so to be envious of another person doesn't make any sense to compare yourself to other people doesn't make any sense but i think when you become aware that you're doing it and then you learn how to parent yourself through it that's a game changer whereas before you weren't doing any of that stuff and you were just like going on autopilot and just constantly thinking that you're less than because your friend's getting married and you're not um your friends you know her boyfriend's doing all this stuff for her for valentine's day and you don't have anyone of course you're human so you might have a part of your heart that goes oh that stinks i wish i had that that's totally fine but also remember that if you're enjoying your life and you have things to look forward to there's no comparison anymore and you kind of cut that i think reframing is a huge skill that you have to practice reframing everything yourself and what i mean by reframing is checking your self-talk and making sure that whatever stories you're telling yourself because like i always say everything you tell yourself day in and day out is either going to help you or it's going to hurt you and so if it's hurting you then you need to reframe that so the i don't like being alone that helps no one so let's reframe that why would we continuously say things that are going to continuously make us feel bad checking your stories and reframing them is a huge part of mental health and it will really change the way you view being single because if you constantly repeated i like being alone i'm okay being alone that doesn't mean that you don't ever want a partner it just means that the truth is sometimes i don't mind it actually it's kind of nice to not have to compromise or share my bed or i can do whatever i want i don't have to plan anything out with anyone and you can really have this period of your life to really be selfish and work on you that's the most important thing because if you build yourself up you will create such a high standard that anyone that comes in your life has to meet it and that's what we want we want to be going into this world with high high standards of the people that should be in our lives because guess what you get to pick those people you don't get to pick your mom your dad your cousin your sister or whatever but you can get to pick your friends and your partner so let's pick them well the last thing and i know this may sound really silly but i think it's because i have it i have one and i know the benefits but if you want to be comfortable being alone and you're not right now get a pet a dog a cat anything that makes you feel like there's someone else in your home that you get to love and take care of and nurture and they get to give you things in return i think it just makes you feel good inside but i know everyone's completely different in terms of what they want to do and what they don't want to do but i just felt like that was a little tidbit to put in there because i know for me having my dog is like one of the best things in the world and it's definitely work owning a pet for sure we all know this but it's essential to have this little being in the house it just brings such a different energy to the home um and you don't feel alone when they're around so i hope you have enjoyed this video if you did don't forget to give it a thumbs up don't forget to share with anyone who you know perhaps struggles being alone whether they've just lost a loved one or they're going through a divorce or breakup or it's valentine's day and you have some single girlfriends send this video over to them as well i hope you guys are well happy valentine's day and i will see you next week

Channel: Stephanie Lyn Coaching

Views: 38,642

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Id: DExiIozpYCU

Length: 17min 39sec (1059 seconds)

Published: Tue Feb 15 2022