Women are a roll of the dice: the fundamental rule of gambling

I'm Dr Orion terban and this is psycha Better Living Through psychology and the topic of today's short talk is women are a roll of the dice okay men this episode is for you as I've previously discussed dating is an extended hiring process in which you the man are the employer because you the man are in a position to extend an offer to the woman and not the other way around this means that dating is really an opportunity to surreptitiously vet a woman for the relationship position of your choosing however For Better or For Worse Your Capacity to do this will be compromised by the fact that you will likely be attracted to the woman you are vetting and attraction does all kinds of things to your perception the more you are attracted the more distorted your perception becomes this is why I generally recommend that men do not make any kind of long-term life-changing commitments to a woman for at least 12 months this gives the couple time to pass through the crisis of disillusionment in which the weight of reality shatters the projected Fantasy on which the attraction to this point was fundamentally based so there is a 12-month minimum due diligence process within the overall hiring process that is courtship in which men vet women for long-term relationships got it that said even if you do all this even if you follow all this advice and you quote do everything right relationships ultimately remain a roll of the dice you absolutely don't know and you can't know what you're going to get in the long term a woman who was great for the first 12 months of dating might be very different 12 years down the road in fact the most likely outcome is that you both will be very different your lives will be very different what you prioritize will be very different and what you want within those priorities will be very different on some level it's quite strange that we expect the same person to meet these evolving needs and wants and priorities even decades later but that's apparently still how we operate as a culture the upshot is that no matter how well you vet a woman no matter how much due diligence you perform you will ultimately be rolling the dice with respect to that particular relationship there's no way around it so what you have to understand is that all relationships with women are a form of gambling you can learn the rules and do your research but you still have to roll the dice and this means that on some level you should approach women like you approach gambling and the first unbreakable rule of gambling is that you never ever ever under any circumstances ever gamble with more than you can afford to lose this is the fundamental rule of gambling all professional gamblers have their Kitty the money they play with and they have the money they need to live and support their Lifestyles the two must remain separate and distinct when a gambler starts to play with the money he needs to live is precisely the moment he crosses over into a gambling addiction and that doesn't lead anywhere good professional gamblers can continue to play precisely because they keep their Kitty separate from the money they need to live that way they can stay afloat even if they get completely cleaned out at the tables this is really important to remember because whether we like it or not all relationships end however in our culture relationships don't really end equally many years ago a mentor of mine was consoling me after a heartbreak he he told me Orion a woman is like a tsunami when she leaves she takes everything with her I can't remember if I laughed or not because uh it might still have been a little too close to home but the man had a point women are generally the ones to leave they disproportionately initiate breakups and divorces and when they leave they can take a lot with them and this means like a responsible Gambler you can't ever give them more than you can afford to lose now before I go any further if you're liking what you're hearing please consider sending this episode to someone who might benefit from its message because it's word of mouth or froze like this that really help to make the channel grow you can also hit the thanks button and tip me in proportion to the value you feel you've derived from this episode I'm also proud to announce that my book the value of others is now available for pre-sale on Amazon I'm also writing original content for my free newsletter every week if you'd like to sign up you can do so through my website finally please fill out an inquiry form on my website if you're interested in having a paid consultation links to everything in the description below okay let's get back to it now I don't just mean this from the perspective of resources though that is certainly important if you're concerned about your resources then just don't sign the marriage contract and if you absolutely must for some reason then make sure you get a strong negotiated prup before you do no exceptions but I also mean this from the perspective of your emotional investment it's important to protect your heart if you go all in emotionally then you're going to be completely devastated when that relationship ends and trust me you don't have unlimited emotional resources it's very difficult if not functionally impossible to go all in emotionally more than a few times in your life so the first rule of gambling makes sense never play with more than you can afford to lose that said some people love to Res resist this advice they bulk oh ory what's the point of love if you hold back love is all about going all in otherwise why even bother it's just not worth it and I wouldn't settle for anything less anyway this is the most common rebuttal I hear to this fundamental Rule and in my experience the reason behind this rebuttal differs depending on the gender of the reeba te allow me to explain now if I hear this objection from a woman that she wants all in or nothing well I just sort of chuckle to myself because that's kind of like the casino insisting that I raise my bet and it's like no the casino would want me to do that after all The House Always Wins doesn't it now casinos can set like minimum standard bets at their tables however if a casino were to insist that players gamble with with their entire holding in order to play well they probably wouldn't have a lot of customers and those they did receive in all likelihood wouldn't be very happy customers for very long this objection serves The house's best interests not its customers so just smile and move on however sometimes this objection comes from men when the objection comes from a man that he wants all in or nothing it's somewhat more puzzling but I'll explain where it's coming from these men are really in to the emotional component of their relationships like I've said most people men and women most people want to be the adorer in their relationships because it's the adorer who gets to feel the feelings and the best feeling that adorers get to feel is the feeling of being with the one they love which when everything is going well is one of the best feelings in the entire world relationships are like gambling in the sense that the higher the stakes the more you're going to feel you can play it safe and just bet with nickels but you probably won't feel anything one way or the other you might not ever lose your shirt but you also won't ever really get ahead so why bother playing The Men Who insist on going all in don't do so because they hope to win big they might temporarily but this is the less likely outcome and the house always wins in the end anyway they insist on going all in because they are chasing an emotional experience they want to feel something and just like a gambling addict they might not be able to feel something unless the stakes are very very high so you should be cautious with respect to following these people's advice to summarize since women are a form of gambling never invest more in a woman materially or emotionally than you can afford to lose and understand that any objections to this advice are typically in the service of the casino and not its customers what do you think does this fit with your own experience let me know in the comments below as always I appreciate your support and thank you for listening and now a word about Stellar if you're interested in pursuing a master's degree or a doctorate chances are good that you'll have to take the gr now before I became a psychologist I was actually one of the world's top GRE test prep instructors over 20 years I developed a unique and practical system for dismantling every aspect of this test and I helped thousands of students achieve top percentile scores on the exam today students can learn the same system I use to achieve my own perfect score with Stellar gr my online GRE self-study program I personally wrote and designed every aspect of this course among other things it includes a 500-page test prep manual thousands of practice problems and several fulllength mock exams just like my episodes Stellar is designed to give students the strategies and techniques they need to succeed as clearly and succinctly as possible and the best part is Stellar Works my students average score improvements are higher than my competitor's score guarantees so create an account and start your free trial today at Stellar g.com use the code psych for 10% off any membership plan the link is in the description

Channel: PsycHacks

Views: 91,002

Keywords: Orion Taraban, Jordan Peterson, psychacks, mental health podcast, psychology podcast, relationship podcast, relationship podcast for couples, relationship podcast for singles, dating podcast, dating coach, dating coach tiktok, dating advice, dating advice tiktok, best dating podcast, best psychology podcast, chris williamson, relationship podcast for guys, dating advice for guys, dating advice for women, relationship podcast for women, women are a roll of the dice, women, men

Id: OKe6bZ4YWXQ

Length: 11min 10sec (670 seconds)

Published: Fri Jun 28 2024