If your worst friends invited you to a hurricane
party where someone died, what would you do?
We all have toxic friends… but hopefully
not THIS toxic. This group of frenemies could barely stand each other before they did
a bunch of nose candy and started playing with swords. Once the murder paranoia kicks in, it’s
anyone’s guess how they’re going to respond.
My guess… like a bunch of spoiled
hysterical brats who are going to get us killed before the storm breaks.
I’m going to break down the mistakes made, what you should do, and how to beat the
MURDER PARANOIA in BODIES BODIES BODIES.
We’ve all experienced that pivotal moment in a
relationship where you introduce your new S.O. to your most important people… the crusty short
and curlies accumulating on the bathroom floor that is your life that you call your friends.
SOPHIE isn’t exactly queen bee of the hive. She’s more like that legendary cousin everyone’s
always talking about and nobody hopes shows up to the family barbecue. Her friend group knows
her as a flaky hot mess obsessed with nose candy… and they’re surprised when she actually
shows up for the weekend they’ve planned.
They’re even more surprised she’s brought
a date—her new girlfriend BEE, a sweet, wholesome blue-collar girl who works at
GameStop and brings zucchini bread as a gift.
Right from the start, the dynamics in this friend
group are clear. Sophie’s best friend DAVE and his girlfriend EMMA were hoping Sophie wouldn’t show
up. JORDAN, Sophie’s ex, is jealous. And ALICE, the wild child everyone’s cool with, has
brought her MUCH older boyfriend GREG, the type of -out-of-my-van guy who definitely hangs
around high school parking lots to pick up chicks. There’s a missing eighth member of the group
too—a guy named MAX who we’ll hear about later.
They’re all getting together at Dave’s family’s
mansion for a Hurricane Party. The torrential rain is due to roll in any minute now, so they’ve
gathered the necessary resources to outlast the storm—you know, frozen pizza and booze…
and some batteries for flashlights. They’re not ENTIRELY incompetent. Just… mostly.
As the storm officially kicks into gear, Greg pops a bottle of dom with a decorative
Gurkha sword and everyone partakes… except Bee and Sophie. Sophie announces that she’s been sober for
a while and only Alice seems happy about it—which should be our first clue that these people are
not really our friends, and it’s probably not a great idea to wave a middle finger at mother
nature while trapped with them.
I mean I get it…if a hurricane’s coming,
I’d choose this giant box as shelter too. After barricading the windows, obviously.
Bee’s definitely odd woman out at this party, even compared to Greg who’s at least learned
the group’s tiktok dances. She’s willing to drink and accidentally eats half a Mary Jane
cake before anyone tells her it’s laced, but they all think she’s a prim little virgin Sophie’s
using to make herself feel like a better person.
By nightfall, the party cake has kicked in and
Bee’s busting moves… on everybody—Sophie, Greg, Jordan. Which means it’s time for The Party Game.
Sophie wrangles everyone into playing Bodies Bodies Bodies. The rules are simple – they draw
strips of paper. The person who gets the paper marked with an X is the murderer who has to sneak
around trying to kill people by tagging them. Once you’re tagged, you play dead. Once the remaining
players FIND a body, they yell the name of the game, play is paused, and it becomes a murder
mystery trying to figure out who the murderer is.
It's Werewolf. They’re playing Werewolf.
They finish pregaming, which involves doing shots and slapping each other silly, before
they shut off the lights and separate to hide.
They all crawl around jump scaring one
another in the dark until someone calls out Bodies Bodies Bodies, and they arrive to the
living room where Greg is laying on the floor.
They think he’s doing a stellar job pretending,
until they realize he’s not just playing dead… he IS dead.
Just kidding.
The murder mystery portion begins, but
Dave makes fun of Greg, ruining it for everyone and Greg mops off to his room. Then
he insults his girlfriend Emma too. They all vote him as the killer and he storms off.
The ladies begin their own round of Bodies Bodies Bodies… as the storm finally kills the
power, plunging the house into darkness. They think Dave shut off the lights, but he
doesn’t respond when they yell for him.
They call the game and splinter off to find the
breaker box and bathroom and it doesn’t take long for them to find an actual body.
Dave’s neck has been slashed open. He quickly bleeds out because there are definitely no
doctors in this bunch of storm chasers.
You aren’t going to go full greek choir over this
dude’s body. If one of you has a relatively clean shirt, rip it off and stuff the wound with
it, then apply pressure with both hands, pushing down as hard as you can
without cutting off his air supply.
It’s not gonna really help him if you
can’t call for help or drive away, but that IS the Mayo Clinic Recommended
first aid for bleeding neck wounds.
Everyone but Jordan panics, running out of
ideas as soon as they realize their phones don’t have service and the landline is down.
Jordan’s idea isn’t all that better. She takes Sophie’s keys and says she’ll go to get help. In
a hurricane spitting gale-force winds and rains.
Then they all rush after her into the rain like
lemmings too young to remember Hurricane Katrina.
They hop into Sophie’s car only to find
the battery is dead. Sophie asks about how they got there. They took Max’s car and
Max bounced before the party even started.
Let’s be nice for a second before we
roast them. Hurricanes are car crushers, okay. If you’re dumb enough to hold a category
5 hurricane party in the first place, you gotta assume that bish is going to be flooded
or flat under a tree by the end of it.
Having said that. None of this is advisable.
They’re all high. This isn’t their house. Dude’s already dead, and all it takes is one
carefully angled stop sign to turn this into the opening scene from Ghost Ship.
If you’re going to go out for help, maybe—MAYBE—wait until the eye of the storm
comes when the weather usually calms for a short time. Then walk down the road to the
next house. This isn’t Wyoming. This is a fancy neighborhood. They might not be home, but
there are definitely neighboring houses to check.
They return to the house to towel off while
Jordan claims she’s going to look for a generator. Instead, she returns with the murder weapon IN HER
BARE HAND. Then Sophie has to remind the others not to touch it. Sigh—that’s strike one.
She says she found it outside in the mud, which is apparently a good enough excuse to
destroy physical evidence for. If you want to move this, I can almost understand since the
rain will damage that evidence, but show a little critical thinking. This is a single-sided
blade. Use a plastic bag, grab it by the very tip of the hilt OR by the neck so to speak, along
the dull edge of the blade where there is no blood and the killer likely didn’t grab it.
The murder investigation portion of the game begins as they name suspects. Alice says
it must be Max, who declared his love for Emma before Sophie got there, then peaced
out before Dave could get mad about it.
Jordan’s money is on Greg, who David embarrassed
earlier and went to bed and never came back. We learn Alice has known him all of two weeks.
She calls out for him to come down and join the discussion, but Jordan silences her.
In the interim, Emma disappears.
Armed with kitchen knives, the girls head
upstairs to Greg’s room and discover it’s empty. They snoop through his bag
and find a bunch of survival stuff, a knife, a map with the house circled, etc.
They collect Emma from where she’s hiding and go in search of Greg. They find him in the
gym using a “seasonal depression therapy mask.” He says he’s been there for a while
and had earbuds in so he couldn’t hear them.
When he thinks they’re still playing
the murder game, he misreads the room, leaps to his feet and chases them while
howling. Which makes it pretty awkward when he sees the very real knives in their hands.
Things go from zero to sixty REAL quick. He pretends to think they’re joking, then smacks the
knife out of Sophie’s hand and tells them to drop their weapons, which only terrifies them more.
He’s willing to drop the knife if they all do, but the second he puts it down, Jordan leaps on
his back. He tosses her aside. Emma tries the same thing and fails. He sees the knife on the floor
and grabs for it, only to take a hard whack to the head in a surprise attack from behind.
Bee struck him with a kettle bell. When he reaches out to Sophie for help,
Bee hits him again, killing him.
So… you’re going to want to lawyer up
as soon as the storm breaks. Half of you are higher than kites, but most of you
didn’t touch the weapon that killed Dave, so the chaos of this situation MIGHT work in your
favor with a lawyer doing the talking for you.
Eh, what am I saying. You’re all screwed. I
can already tell none of you are going to tell the same story, and the finger pointing
is only going to escalate from here.
But also… none of this should have happened.
If you suspect a killer is lurking in this house—where you are trapped until the storm
ends—why look him? We’re not the scooby doo gang. What are we gonna do when we find him?
Just clear a lockable room and wait until the storm ends. I know—it’s boring. But guess what…
the witch-hunter vibes this group is throwing off WILL turn on you at some point. And we just saw
the direct result of nonsensical thinking—you just upped the body count you have to explain to the
cops in the morning. Stupid. Chill the f*ck out.
Also, this place is huge. Each
of you could take your own room and just wait and no one else dies here.
Finally, none of this was necessary for a second reason. This is a gym with doors. Just lock Greg
in, then ask him your questions while he’s trapped inside. Leave him there until the cops show up.
I think you all just wanted to kill somebody.
Jordan tries to rationalize that Greg’s
the most likely suspect in Dave’s death, pointing out that Alice told them all he was a
vet. Alice counters that he was a veterinarian.
Things go down hill from here. A lot of character
drama stuff. Just hurling insults around like maces, doing drugs, crying, and reminding Bee
she’s killed a dude, which sends her spiraling.
Everyone runs around in the dark for a
while on their own until Alice trips over a new corpse. Emma is dead.
And three dead really does make this bodies bodies bodies.
There’s enough blood on the stairs Jordan thinks Emma fell, but Alice says she was
pushed and it’s proof Greg wasn’t the killer.
Then they turn on Bee because she found
Dave’s body…which doesn’t really track since Sophie was there too, but they’re too
high to make that connection. Jordan also claims she googled Bee after she arrived and
there’s no record of a student with her name at their university. She says that she can
explain, but even Sophie recoils from her.
Alice decides she doesn’t want Bee
there anymore and she and Jordan shove her outside into the storm, locking
every door as she tries to get back in.
This isn’t a strategy, but a house this size
definitely has a pool house. In a pitch, that’s an option.
Bee heads for the car, using a broken window to get inside, where
she finds a pair of Jordan’s underwear.
For no sane reason, she ventures
out into the storm again, looking for another way into the house—which is
definitely strike 2. While searching, Bee spots Jordan pulling a gun out of somewhere.
Then she crawls through the doggie door back inside, where she notices a bunch of tools laying
around and grabs a hammer to confront them.
She calls Jordan out about the gun, telling
her to empty her pockets, where they find the X marking her as the killer from the game.
There’s some conjecture about her being the last to arrive to Dave’s body, which amounts to
nothing. Then, Bee explains herself to Sophie.
When Sophie takes her back…
Jordan pulls the gun she hid.
We get more melodrama. A LOT of it. And I can’t be
bothered. Just know Jordan reveals Sophie cheated on Bee with her. That’s the important bit and
we’ll just skip to the part where the argument boils over and Jordan shoots Alice in the leg.
They wrestle the gun away from Jordan, but she scrambles for it until the gun
goes off again, this time killing Alice.
Okay, she was annoying, but I
doubt that’ll stand up in court.
Jordan refuses to take responsibility. She
grabs the gun and begins backing away as Sophie advances… until Bee takes an alternate
route around and ambushes her from the side.
Yeah, don’t do any of this. Gun beats fistfight
most days. She shouldn’t have been able to get her hands on the gun again after you stripped it
from her in the first place and that’s strike 3. But once she has it, let her leave the room, grab
whatever weapons you can, move to a lockable room, and wait until phone reception comes back.
As Jordan starts firing wildly, Sophie and Bee run and hide in a… closet? Sauna? Whatever.
They argue the semantics of murder and whether Sophie and Jordan cheated on Bee. Then
Bee runs when Sophie tries to touch her.
Are we sure there weren’t psychotropics in the
booze or something? This is what happens when you need a finale, but logic gets in the way.
Anyway, she hides from Sophie. Sophie searches. Bee wanders around, hitting all the murder
scenes like she’s recording a Best of Reel, before emerging outside. It’s
dawn. The storm has passed.
Sophie hugs her from behind, scaring Bee, but
she clings while Sophie admits she thinks she’s responsible for Emma’s death because she
gave her pills beforehand. Then we dive right back into the melodrama, as Bee holds
her at gunpoint demanding to see Sophie’s phone to know if she really cheated.
Yep. Bodies bodies bodies everywhere, but it’s the cheating that fuels our last fight.
Sophie tosses the phone away, Bee races for it, they tussle and end up in the pool.
When they climb out Bee goes for a phone again, but it’s not hers. It’s Dave’s, with a video
all cued up revealing he accidentally killed himself.
And the movie ends.
Look it had good style, but everyone in this
movie is batsh*t insane and not in a fun way.
We beat this thing a long time ago—by not
joining the witch hunt that eventually cannibalized this group from within. In our
scenario, the only one who dies is Dave.
For those reasons, I think
BODIES BODIES BODIES was Beaten.
Honestly, you’re better off
just watching Clue again.
