If you were totally blind during a home invasion,
what would you do? These guys have been planning this op for
weeks and they’ve pretty much got it all figured out: police response times, the layout
of the house, and the location of the hidden safe. What they didn’t count on, however, was
that they might not be alone, because apparently it never occurred to them that someone might
hire a cat sitter during their extended stay out of town. Lucky for them, she can’t exactly describe
their faces to the police, but that doesn’t mean she won’t be trouble. After all, they’re not the only ones in
this house looking for a payday. I’m going to break down the mistakes made,
what you should do, and how to beat the killer thieves in SEE FOR ME. Sophie can’t see crap, but that doesn’t
stop her from raking in the jack. Sure, “freelance cat sitter” might not
sound like the most lucrative of career paths, but in reality, it's merely a cover for her
primary source of income. Ya see, Sophie really couldn’t care less
about watching people’s pets. Instead, she’s far more concerned with poking
through their valuables and robbing them blind. Of course, one of the problems with her little
racket is that she still has to put up with the unbridled neuroticism of her clients turned
victims, and this one’s no exception. Jesus, lady, you’ve been gone like ten minutes. Besides, there’s already a thief on the
inside. Nah, I get it. Young Sophie here is hardly Executive Outcomes,
and a mansion like this is bound to have all sorts of valuable stuff the low lives would
love to get their stealers on. Debra also mentioned she just got through
a messy divorce, so it's possible she’s worried about a surprise visit from her estranged
ex. Either way, we should take her security concerns
seriously in case there’s something she’s not telling us. I mean, for all we know, she’s on the tail
end of a Tony Montana-type narrative arc, and she decided to skip town before the cartel
hit squad shows up to settle accounts. In that case, we should probably start feeling
around for something grenade launcher shaped, ya know, for safety. Okay, I’m half kidding; the arming distance
of most 40-millimeter rounds makes them unsuitable for indoor environments. For now, we should just do as we’re told
and remain vigilant on the off-chance tonight’s the night we win the scumbag lottery. Of course, that’s gonna be pretty hard to
do given Sophie’s condition. No, I don’t mean blindness. I’m talking about her crippling stupidity. “Oh, I just armed the alarm system. Better immediately go outside and have a smoke.” And just to make matters worse, the door locked
behind her. Awesome. Well, time to start feeling our way around
the perimeter for another way inside. Here’s hoping we find something before freezing
to death in the unforgiving New York winter. Fortunately for Sophie, it won’t come to
that, as there’s a hot new app that literally offers eyesight to the blind, sort of. It’s called See for Me, and it connects
blind users with someone that can guide them through, well, whatever. Although, as you could probably imagine, there
are limitations to what someone might be willing to help with. Wrong answer. We were looking for something more along the
lines of directions to the nearest big rock. Here’s an idea. How about instead of banking on some rando
to walk us through a B&E, we just dial up Debra and ask her if she has a key box or
garage door keypad. Sure, she’ll probably blow a forehead vein
knowing her precious Archie might go a full eleven minutes without supervision, but what
do we care? We’re friggin robbing this chick, so what
if she never hires us back? Then again, who knows how many other rich
idiots she might be able to hook us up with if everything goes well. Guess we’re stuck playing Chat Roulette
until the Klepto Gods pick us a winner. In enters Kelly. Unlike the last seeing-eye-sap, she has absolutely
zero qualms about helping a potential home invader infiltrate someone’s house, even
going as far as teaching her how to pop the sliding glass door off the track. Well, so much for keeping Debra in the dark. Shoulda just called her and asked for help. Better to take the L upfront than let her
find out from the monitoring service. Oh, except not really, because it seems this
particular security company just turns money into obnoxious noise. Yeah, that ought to be super effective out
here in the middle of nowhere. Guess she must have blown her defense budget
on that god-awful chandelier. For real though, this thing’s completely
useless. It doesn’t even have a “Home” setting
to remove the entry delay, meaning anyone with the key code or an encyclopedic knowledge
of alarm systems can walk right in undetected. And sure enough, just a few hours later, that’s
exactly what happens. In fact, were it not for the two stooges rolling
in their equipment like they own the place, Sophie probably wouldn’t have even gotten
out of bed. Of course, now that she has, the next logical
question is, like, why though? Think about it. Even if she already knew this bump in the
night was an intruder, what the heck is she gonna do about it? It’d be hard enough for an unarmed person
of her stature to handle this even without the visual impairment. In Sophie’s condition, she’ll be totally
hosed. On the other hand, if she just thinks it’s
the cat screwing around too much, who cares? This little mole patrol is totally pointless,
and unless the smoke alarms start going off, there’s absolutely know reason whatsoever
for her to leave the guest room. Instead, we should just quietly post up with
our ear to the wall and listen for any definitive proof of unlawful entry. I would also take some of the bedding material
and wedge it tightly under the door to keep it from swinging inward. Best case scenario, we just feel really stupid
come tomorrow morning. Worst case scenario, we can probably get the
cops here in time to take our statement before we die of internal bleeding. Fortunately, it doesn’t seem like these
guys are looking for bloodshed, and at least for now, they think they’re completely alone
in here, although Sophie's constant spamming of the cat tracker isn’t exactly helping
that situation. Still, by some miracle, she and Moe manage
to dosey doe around each other Looney Tunes style without seeing (or hearing) a thing,
that is until Curly Joe fires up the drill. Nice one, Velma. You could have just stayed put and overheard
all of this from the comfort of bed. Now they’re tearing the entire house apart
trying to find you. The good news is Sophie was able to feel her
way to the utility closet where she could call 911, but in true emergency fashion, when
seconds count, the cops are minutes away, and in this case the operator can’t even
give her an estimate. Yeah, it’s time for plan B. We need to immediately retrace our steps back
to the guest room and barricade ourselves inside with literally everything we can get
our hands on. Sure, the utility room may be safe for now,
but there’s nothing in here we can use to reinforce the door, and it’s only a matter
of time before they eliminate every other possible hiding spot. That said, they’ll inevitably work their
way to our Nerd fortress all the same, at which point we’ll tell them the police are
on the way. Also couldn’t hurt to say we have a firearm
and functioning eyeballs. Okay, well, maybe leave that last part out. Either way, if we’re lucky they might just
think we’re more trouble than we’re worth and go back to the safe or just leave all
together. Obviously, there’s a risk of us being spotted
on the way back, but there’s pretty much a 100% chance they’ll find us if we do nothing. Yes, I suppose it’s possible they might
break into the safe and make off with the loot before that happens, but given they’ve
dedicated half their available manpower to finding us instead of focusing on the safe,
they’re likely to stick around for some hide and seek even after the job is done. Of course, getting out of the house entirely
is also a viable option, or at least it would be if it weren’t totally freezing out there. Not to mention the fact we can’t move faster
than a shuffle without tripping over something. Lucky for us, our new friend Kelly has absolutely
nothing going on in life besides playing video games, eating pizza, and lending her vision
to randos online, although I think she might be just a tad out of her depth on this one. Look, talking someone through a daylight break-in
with no one else around and literally zero risk of getting caught is one thing, but playing
telephone Splinter Cell in a foreign environment with an unknown number of threats is completely
insane. That being said, if we are going to put our
life in her hands, we should probably pay attention to what she’s trying to say. Well, saw that coming. Honestly, I’m surprised she even made it
to the door. Now’s the part where we play that blindness
card for everything it's worth. These guys are clearly only here for whatever’s
in the safe, so as long as we didn’t technically witness anything, they won’t have a good
reason to stomp us out, although that doesn’t mean they won’t do it just for yucks. Regardless, it’s the only chance we have
right now, so we’d better make it count. Eventually, Sophie does get around to letting
them know, but only after Larry Fine here openly suggests taking her out. I mean, god dang, I would have been spamming
that info as soon as I got, got. She’s just lucky he didn’t pull a Todd
Alquist and smoke her the second they got back inside. Ultimately, her condition is enough to convince
the burglars’ disembodied boss to let her go, especially once they find out the cops
are only a few minutes away. So, I guess that means we’re done here,
right? Yeah, not so much. Ya see, Sophie isn’t just stupid; she’s
also greedy, and upon hearing about the cool $7 mill burning a hole in the safe, she decides
to completely screw away her saving grace and fall in with her fellow criminals, promising
to get the police off their backs in exchange for an equal share of the take. What, are you gonna make him pinky swear? You have all of zero leverage in this situation. Even if you manage to send cops away, do you
really expect these dirtbags to hold up their end of the bargain? No, you’ve got to be out of your friggin
mind! They’re just gonna crack open the safe and
be like, “oh, no, it’s empty!” And even if you know they’re lying, what
exactly are you gonna do about it? Furthermore, the longer you spend around them,
the more likely they are to change their minds and tie up loose ends. Sure, you can’t describe their faces to
anyone, but are you really gonna bet your life on the chance no one absentmindedly blurts
out a name? Besides, you still know what they sound like,
how many there are, and roughly when they were there, all of which are things that would
help the investigation. There is exactly one, and only one reason
to offer up something like this, and that is if we thought they were going to kill us
and wanted to buy ourselves time to escape, except they literally just said they were
going to leave without any more trouble, and while we shouldn’t be taking their word
for gospel right now, why would they even bother lying about it? I mean, it’s not like we’d see it coming
either way. And of course, we know that Sophie isn’t
planning some galaxy-brained double cross on these losers, because what does she do
when Deputy Brooks shows up? Does she mouth the words “help me” as
she opens the door? What about subtly motioning towards the bad
guys’ hiding spot? No, she just lies right through her teeth,
although given how blatantly unnatural she comes off in doing so, one could almost make
the argument she’s actually trying to drop the hint. Fortunately for the safecrackers, she finally
manages to seal the deal with her characteristic indignation. Well, almost. Turns out Sophie never bothered letting Kelly
know things were cool, so being the good Samaritan that she is, Kelly then reached out to the
local PD to relay what she saw over the phone. And wouldn’t you know it, that information
makes it over to the deputy just in time to kick off a goat rodeo. Should have just stayed in bed. Although it probably wouldn’t have mattered
had the sheriff’s office sent more than a single deputy in response to a home invasion
involving multiple suspects. Even then, all Brooks had to do was mag dump
Larry’s butt and this would all be a memory. As for Sophie, the sound of an innocent woman
being brutally strangled to death as a direct result of her own short sightedness has made
her reconsider her position, although she’s not exactly doing herself any favors dashing
through the snow in her PJs. The nearest house is miles away, and even
with Kelly guiding her, there’s no way she’ll be able to find it before succumbing to the
cold, and that’s assuming the cop-killing psychopath doesn’t get to her first, which
he almost certainly will given she’s barely moving and leaving an obvious trail. Luckily, she somehow managed to scoop and
score the deputy’s sidearm before making a break for it. Only problem is, well, Jesus, do I really
have to say it? It’ll be hard enough for her to hit someone
in ideal conditions. Add a little stress and hypothermia to the
mix and the only safe place will be her intended target. Like it or not, our only chance right now
is to take Kelly’s advice and find a way back inside the house. From there, we should look for a dead-end
room like the utility closet where we can post up with our weapon covering the only
entrance. First thing’s first, however. We need to have our partner in crime examine
the pistol in case it malfunctioned after magically transforming from a Glock to a SIG. Fortunately, it sounds like she has some military
experience, so she should at least understand the basics of safe firearms handling. And it’s a good thing too, because it looks
like Moe has finally tracked us down. Huh, well, that went about as well as it possibly
could have. Nice of him to slowly move almost straight
towards her while talking the whole time. Heck, she probably could have dumped him even
without Kelly talking her through it. For real though, it was obvious she was using
the phone to aim, likely with someone feeding her instructions. All he had to do was keep moving laterally
and it would have been impossible for her coach to keep up. I guess that’s one down, who knows how many
to go, right? Hey, just because we saw three earlier doesn’t
mean there aren’t more of them screwing around somewhere. We were 100% certain there were only two earlier
and look how that turned out. Point being, we need to get out of here before
they converge on the gunshots and hunker down somewhere until more police arrive. That said, I’d try and stay out of the basement
to avoid any unexpected complications. That’s right, Aldo. Plus, you’re liable to lose cell phone service,
and with Kelly calling the shots that could very well be a death sentence once things
get crazy. See what I mean? This is why we should have staged the confrontation
in a doorway so he’d be forced to funnel in through a much narrower passage. Of course, weighed down by all that plot armor,
it was only a matter of time before Sophie fell butt backwards into better reception,
and just in time for Kelly to dial in the triple tap. Well, that was fun. Might want to put a safety shot in him, just
in case. Dude’s got a knack for shrugging off gunshots. Then again, this handgun’s been discharged
at least eleven times at this point, so we’ve gotta be on the latter half of our ammunition. Should probably drop the mag and have Kelly
take a peek at the witness holes so we know what we’re working with. After all, can’t risk running out of gas
during our showdown with the third and final stooge. I mean, sure, the cops will probably be here
any minute, and we could easily keep our back against this wall where no one could get the
drop on us, but that’s hardly the live-fast, die-young, cash-money mindset that got Sophie
into this mess in the first place. You know good and god dang well she’s going
back up for that money, and Kelly’s 100% down to help her defend herself against the
unarmed man begging for his life on his knees. Hey, I’m not gonna judge. Just make sure you get your story straight
before the cavalry arrives. However, before Sophie can pull the trigger,
her phone suddenly dies, cutting her off from Miss Palpatine’s guidance. Yeah, probably should have come up here like
ten minutes ago instead of spending all that time yacking away about your personal BS. Of course, I gotta wonder why Curly hasn’t
made a move yet. He clearly knows she’s flying blind at this
point. Just grab your cash and make a run for it. Fact is, most people have a hard enough time
hitting a moving target that they can see, and he could even try tossing a couple stacks
in the other direction to draw her attention away. Sticking around to play Red Light Green Light
like this is only letting her build up her nerve. Not to mention the possibility of him doing
and/or saying something incredibly stupid to give her an excuse. Bro, why even tell her you’re getting down
on your knees? For Christ’s sake, you’re just letting
her know to adjust her aim downwards, ya know, towards your head. Well, with that, I guess there’s nothing
separating Sophie from the score of a lifetime, that is, except for some of that crippling
stupidity I mentioned earlier. I mean, why else would she answer the boss’s
phone call and inspire him to take matters into his own hands? Seriously, all you had to do was stand there
sucking wind for another couple minutes until you heard sirens, at which point, the big
bad would most likely split to avoid getting caught, and we could finally put an end to
this nightmare. Instead, now we’ve got a bonus stooge to
deal with, and wouldn’t you know it, looks like Shemp is packing heat. As for what to do now, the obvious answer
is shut off the power and go full DON’T BREATHE on this fool, minus the turkey baster,
of course. In the dark, things won’t be quite as one-sided,
although he could definitely still spot us from a distance with his phone light. Because of this, we need to post up somewhere
out of sight and wait for him to reach a location we can easily pinpoint by sound before we
launch our ambush. Once again, I’m thinking a doorway, and
we could even break a few glasses in it to amplify his footsteps. The second we hear a crunch, we swing out
of cover and aim at chest level before dumping everything we have left, which granted, can’t
be all that much at this point, so grabbing a kitchen knife or two as a last resort might
be a good idea. Oh, yeah, there’s also that back-up piece
on the deputy’s belt Curly grabbed for when we sent him off to Jesus, not to mention all
her spare magazines, but I guess Sophie just sort of forgot about all that, which she’s
really gonna regret here in a few minutes. Sure, she gets off to a good start by turning
out the lights, but things start falling apart when she opts for the cat and mouse approach
despite having no way of knowing where he might be looking, and as you could probably
imagine, it backfires almost immediately. Oof, I’m seeing yet another poorly improvised
tourniquet in her immediate future. In the meantime, she still has one last trick
up her sleeve, and I gotta admit, it’s a pretty good one. Using a dead stooge’s phones to redial the
boss and give away his position is peak resourcefulness, and she doesn’t let it go to waste. Guess that bullet wound must have drained
out some of the lead poisoning. Unfortunately, four rounds of 9 mil just doesn’t
seem to cut it, and just like Deputy Brooks, she suddenly finds herself on the receiving
end of a good old-fashioned strangling. However, unlike the ill-fated law dog, Sophie
has the power of kleptomania on her side, and she just happens to be within an arm’s
reach of her latest haul. Yeesh, talk about a night cap. And with that, Sophie manages to walk away
from this ordeal, having changed for the better in the process. Nah, I’m just kidding. She went right back to the safe and swiped
a bunch of that cash before the cops showed up. Why let a good cover story go to waste, right? In the end, Sophie wasted all the bad guys
and lived to tell the tale, although not without some collateral damage. That said, she could have easily prevented
Deputy Brooks’ death and all the ensuing heartache by simply letting the burglars walk
right out the front door like they were planning to. For that reason, I think SEE FOR ME was beaten. Moral of the story, don’t help your home
invaders.
