Welcome back to the Gentleman's Gazette! In today's video, we discuss something that
we all care about, being liked by others. More specifically, we discuss 11 easy ways
to become instantly more likeable. I'm a big believer in being myself but sometimes,
it can really help to get through life more easily and to get what you want if you adapt
in a certain way so you become more likeable. So first of all, what's a likeable person
and what are their traits? Likeable people are often considered down-to-earth,
open, authentic, interested, self-deprecating, trustworthy, and a bunch of other things. Usually, they're warm and emotionally stable
people that others want to be around. So are you a likeable person? The first thing to consider is that if you
think about this question, you're probably too hard on yourself. Four university studies found that people
often underestimated how much their conversation partner liked them. So you're probably already more likeable than
you think you are, however, there is always room for improvement. So what are the 11 easy ways to get instantly
more likeable? Number one is to be yourself. I know it's a super cliche answer but sometimes,
the person you want to be doesn't line up with the person you actually are. The perfect example is social media; the way
people portray themselves on Instagram or in Facebook rarely matches the real-life circumstances. We spend a lot of time and energy trying to
get people to like who you want to be rather than who you actually are, you may come off
as insecure and unreal. Often, people can sense this and they want
to know the real genuine authentic you, not the idealized version. So let them see the real you even though at
times that might seem embarrassing, it really helps to increase your likability because
people can relate better with you and they don't put you on a pedestal that is just an
ideal of everything that they can't have because obviously, they know about the things that
are not perfect in their own lives and they like to see it in others. Two, learn some great conversation starters
because other people will be relieved that they don't have to start the conversation. Those could be things like "did you choose
your profession or did your professions choose you" or maybe "what makes you laugh the most?". Having a few good starter questions ready
every time before you attend a social event will make you more secure and you will probably
end up having more good conversations. It will also avoid awkward moments and people
will thank you for it because they know when they talk to you, it's never embarrassing
or strange. if you want to know what my favorite conversation
starters are, please head over to this video where I talk all about how to get to know
someone and what questions to ask. Three, the sure way to get instantly more
likeable is to give others a compliment even though you've just met them. Most people think a lot more about themselves
than others do think about them. So they may put a lot of effort into a hairstyle,
their outfits, or the way they dress but others won't ever notice it. So by picking up on something that is special
about a person and by complimenting them on it makes you instantly more likeable. Why? Well, you actually stand out from the crowd
because you noticed something others don't and it flatters the other person and honestly,
who doesn't want to be flattered? That being said, it's best not to comment
on body parts or ideally, things that people can't change anything about. Instead, compliment them on something they
do or they did. For example, they chose their shoes or they
presented their argument in a very eloquent way, compliment them on that. On the other hand, they did not choose their
eye color so don't compliment them on that. Frankly, all the successful networkers I know
will always compliment the other person in a genuine way when they see something when
they first meet. Four, on the flip side, that means you also
learn how to accept the compliment in a graceful way. Often, when people are complimented, they
don't know how to respond. They try to diminish the compliment by saying
"oh no I just found it at a flea market" or "oh really do you think so?" All of these are ways to really put down the
other person who was trying to be nice to you and if someone else gives you a compliment,
you should not diminish it, deny it, or deflect from it. Instead, you should accept it gracefully. What does it mean
specifically? All you need to do is to say thank you and
smile. Now, of course, that's just the basic answers
and there are many pitfalls and nuances. To learn more about those and how to accept
a compliment in style, please check out this video here. Five, show some self-deprecating humor. If you check out the most popular videos on
YouTube, chances are they contain some elements of self-deprecating humor comedy or parody. Why is that? People love humor and they enjoy a good laugh. It's easy to be funny and cracking jokes about
others and even though everyone might be laughing, the person the joke is about will deep down
end up hating you. You may never see it and they may never admit
it but deep down, they will distance themselves from you because it hurts them in some way. So the perfect way to utilize humor to become
more likeable without distancing others is to use self-deprecating humor. So what does it mean? Just make fun about yourself. That means, maybe share weird things about
you or share a time when you look like a loser or when you did something that looks really
stupid. I know it seems weird and hard but by doing
that and getting other people to laugh about it, they will instantly like you more. For example, I'm known for often being well
dressed so if I joke about my prom outfit and the leather jacket the teddy bear tie
and show people the picture of it, they'll look at me in a way and think "wow you weren't
always that way" and they instantly like me more than if I would portray a picture of
myself as having always been well dressed. Another good way to add self-deprecating humor
is to compare yourself to others so you can say "oh wow you're just twenty-two when you're
running your own business when I was 22 my mom did my laundry for me". You see what I mean? That way, you put yourself in a light that
lets others shine and that makes you instantly more likeable even though you may feel like
you look like a loser. In my opinion, a master of self-deprecating
humor is Ellen DeGeneres. She utilizes this technique all the time in
her show and people love her so next time you watch that show, pay attention to it and
you will see how she utilizes it to become instantly more likeable. Six, focus on listening. So far, we all talked about active steps you
can take but one of the easiest way to become more likeable is to really in genuinely listen
to what other people say. No, if you're just waiting for the other person
to finish before you can give your reply, you're not actively listening. Actively listening means that you comprehend
what they're saying that you repeat what they're saying and that you later follow up with a
question pertaining to it so they really know that you listened and also cared. So always try to paraphrase what people said
in a quick way without going into too much detail. You can also have follow-up questions that
show that you comprehended what was said and you just keep the conversation going. In general, people like to feel like they're
heard and understood and by actively listening, you achieve exactly that. An even bigger step is not just to listen
but to act on what someone just said. For example, if someone tells you that they
really enjoy biking or that as a kid, they had fond memories of eating Cheetos, the next
time the opportunity arises and you may be organized a bike tour for them or you just
buy a little bag of Cheetos for them and give it to them, they will instantly feel reminded
of their childhood, they will remind that they talked to you about it and that you listened
and that you cared so much and went to the effort to do something nice for them, that's
one of the best ways to become more likeable in my experience. Seven, ask more questions. It goes slightly into the same vein as the
active listening but more questions keep a conversation going and the more smart questions
you ask, the more understood and heard the other person feels and the more they feel
taken care of and comfortable in your presence. Also, follow up questions that you ask allow
the other person to go deeper which can lead to a more meaningful conversation. Eight, be vulnerable. Most people engage in small talk but small
talk doesn't allow you to really be vulnerable and it's not well-suited to get to know someone. Mostly, it's just tedious and boring and frankly,
it can be much harder than having a genuine conversation about things that actually mean
something to people. So try to stop yourself from engaging in small
talk and get real. That means you can be a leader in a conversation
who dives deeper first without waiting for the other person to expose themselves or show
a vulnerability. Of course, this has to be a gradual process. If you tell people about your financial problems
the first time they meet you, they think of you as being weird. So a good starter question that I always use
is "what do you do when you don't work?" Most people have the impulse to tell me what
their job is because that's what they usually hear but then it usually takes a second for
them to realize I'm actually asking about their passions and you can see a little smile,
they'll light up and they tell me more about the things they like to do. Now, that is a first step to create a connection,
to create something where they feel they can share with me and usually, they have an interest
in it so they don't get tired of talking about it. Once we're at that step, you can ask deeper
and deeper questions and that way, you have a conversation that is quite meaningful and
both people will walk away without feeling like they wasted their time and that they
were bored. Always keep in mind, people love to talk about
their passions and not so much about their insecurities yet everyone has them and by
opening up and sharing your struggles and your insecurities, you become instantly more
relatable and thus likeable. Nine, minimize complaining. We all feel like we want to complain every
once in a while and that's okay, however, if you complain constantly, you carry a negative
aura with you and others don't want to be around you because you just bring them down
or make them feel bad. So what if you just have a natural negative
outlook in life and that's simply who you are? Well, in that case, I suggest you try to flip
it around and try to see the positive things and frankly, if sometimes that's too hard
and you can't find anything nice to say, it's better not to say anything at all. Ten, make everyone feel included and comfortable. If you have a group conversation, there's
usually someone who speaks a lot more than someone else. If you pick up on that and you notice that
someone is being quiet or just alone, it really pays to loop them back into the conversation
by asking them a question. Most people want to be part of something,
that can be a movement like CrossFit or simply a conversation where people don't want to
feel like they're left out. By bringing someone back in who was left out,
they're probably grateful to you, maybe even subconsciously, and they will like you more
for it. Last but not least, it makes sense to embrace
a positive attitude because other people will like to be around you because it makes them
feel positive. Usually, positive people uplift other people
and don't drain their energy. Sometimes, just reminding yourself of that
is all it takes to be more positive. Finally, it's only favored to acknowledge
that people have their own will and chances are some people will never like you and that's
okay. In those cases, it's best not to focus on
things you can't change but the things you can do. If you apply these eleven tips in your social
life, I guarantee you, you will be more liked. So what are your secret tips to become more
likeable?Please share with us in the comments and give us a thumbs up. in today's video I'm wearing a typical outfit
that I could wear to a party because it reflects Who I am who's someone who likes to dress
up yet at the same time it's casual enough to not look aloof or out of touch. it consists of a tweed jacket that I found
vintage for five bucks I'm combining it with a solid brown turtleneck sweater it's kind
of a tan color which really works well with a jacket because it picks up those tones it's
actually from Uniqlo and it was rather inexpensive I'm pairing it with black and corduroy pants
which work well with a jacket because it has black flecks my shoes are brown suede Derby
chukka boots and they go well with the brown tones in my outfit on the other hand my pocket
square is burgundy red with tones of brown that pick up the colors in my outfit creates
a little bit of an accent all while blending in you can find it in our shop here
