How To Be Happy (before Success) - by Earl Nightingale

would you like to know how to be happy well the answer believe it or not is known you may already know it it took one of the most brilliant minds ever to appear on the earth to come up with the answer his name was John Stuart Mill who lived from 1806 to 1873 became an outstanding philosopher an economist he's believed will had perhaps the highest IQ of any person who has ever lived so unless you think you're smarter pay attention John Stuart Mill said those only are happy who have their minds fixed on some object other than their own happiness on the happiness of others on the improvement of mankind even on some art or pursuit followed not as a means but as itself an ideal and aiming thus at something else they find happiness by the way okay the my mind is no doubt whatever that that is the true and only lasting path to lasting and meaningful happiness the definition is so excellent and people so often seem to be confused as to what happiness is all about let me repeat it those only are happy who have their minds fixed on some object other than their own happiness on the happiness of others on the improvement of mankind even on some art or pursuit followed not as a means but as itself an ideal and it mean less it's something else they find happiness by the way I wonder why that isn't taught in school I believe it's safe to say there not one person in five thousand could give you an intelligent definition of what true happiness is all about we must have our minds fixed on something other than happiness in order to find it if we seek it directly it will elude us forever people say I want to be happy as though it's something that can be done to them whether they do anything about it or not such people can never know happiness until they break out of the tiny world of themselves those only are happy who have their minds fixed on some object other than their own happiness therein lies the secret the happiest people are usually the busiest people almost always those whose business consists of serving others in some way by losing themselves and what they're doing and where they're going happiness quietly joins them and becomes a part of them the MS unhappy people because such misery and unhappiness to others or the self-centered people people who worry constantly about what they are getting out of it rather than what they're giving and the world is Chuck a bankful hub unfortunately we we see they're harried unhappy furtive ferret-like faces everywhere pushing their grasping hands extended they fear life they fear death they're the pitiful caricatures of humanity and they pay a terrible price for their ignorance all right no more mystery then as to what happened this is all about if you're not happiest because you're not meeting John Stuart metal simple directions and definition if you do qualify you're a happy person the thing I like about the definition other than the fact that it's the best I've ever found is that it places a responsibility for happiness directly where it belongs I was staying at a resort hotel the Grand Hotel on Mackinac Island in northern Michigan one evening after dinner I settled myself comfortably in a chair on the porch that runs the entire length of the old frame hotel supposedly it's the longest porch in the world just to relax and enjoy the delightful evening there was the light breeze and a good moon the lake was beautiful and the lights of the passing ships could be seen the evergreens stood out clearly in the moonlight and it was altogether one of those really great times you remember before long a young couple came strolling down the long porch they were walking arm-in-arm and I thought that they were all that was needed to make the picture complete they walked slowly by me and then took seats not far away they were silent for a moment and I naturally thought that they were enjoying the remarkable beauty of the scene than the night as much as I was when the young woman spoke I know these were her exact words because I wrote them down as soon as I could stop laughing she said I hate the smell of horses there are no automobiles on Mackinac Island all the transportation is done with horses and they naturally lend their own unique flavor into the islands atmosphere I found it charming and a lot less irritating than the noise and fumes of cars taxis and trucks but what made me laugh of course was that in the midst of all that beauty I'm one of the most beautiful even of the year in so romantic and charming a setting the only thing the young woman noticed that was worth mentioning was the faint odor of horses they looked at me and surprised when I laugh so I had to explain why which neither of them found to be amusing at all in fact the young woman seemed somehow offended and they they soon moved away from the strange character not only eavesdropped but also laughed at them the sad thing about it all was that the attractive young woman belongs to that vast army whose members make it their business to spend their lives focusing on the wrong things I'll bet if the young man gave her a string of pearls she'd busy yourself for the minut inspection of the clasp on a beautiful day such people can spot that tiny cloud on the horizon they don't appreciate the good qualities and people but complain about their defects if their children bring home report cards with five B's and 1c it's the C that will get the comments and the attention they don't look for what's right but what's wrong in a world of miracles and beauty they see only horse droppings if you mention this to them they'll usually say you have your head in the sand and they have it all backwards there's nothing in the world that's perfect and it's our job to eliminate as many defects as we thin but pity the poor people who go through life seeing only the fly specks on the window of the world we speak of recreation without being mindful of its original meaning it's real meaning which is to recreate oneself recreation should be re-creation a time so spent that we can re-evaluate things our lives our work our goals our reasons for living our service our contribution our education our hobbies our enjoyment of ourselves and others a round of golf great as it is simply is not time enough there are a few sets of tennis or an afternoon poking around in the garden when he bought time than that several days a couple of weeks along and on a regular basis for me it's getting on the water in a boat it's wearing comfortable old clothes and sailing out of sight of land was just the sea and the wind and the sky and it's puttering and fixing things around the boat sanding and varnish making little improvements there's the therapy of the fresh air they see itself the elements and it's using it two hands the most versatile instruments on earth and the tools they have fashion to help everyone has his own way or should have his own way of recreating himself of renewing himself so that he can turn again to the necessary pursuits are living with new interest and enthusiasm what's yours with one friend of mine it's growing tomatoes for others it's painting or cooking or mountain climbing or fishing or camping and traveling everyone needs recreation in its true sense Robert Adler points out his marvelous book the social contract of the three most important factors to any human being are in this ordering number one identity recognition as a separate original human being number two stimulation change the opposite of boredom and number three security the opposite of anxiety while this recreation business comes under headings one and two and must have certainly helps us establish number three that is occasional renewal helps us find ourselves reestablish just who we are and what we want so it helps with our identity problem it most certainly involves change stimulation the opposite of boredom and it helps us develop inner security the only time that's worth anything anyway if a person has this inner security real security as a person his world can come crashing down all around him and he can still emerge secure with it himself and build a new and possibly better one so when you find yourself getting stale you need some meaningful recreation you need to stop the world and get off for a while and look back at it as a man from Mars might if surprising new ideas you'll get and good ones the new opportunities you'll see opportunities that have been lying about in your own backyard in your own working world that you were a little too close to the forest to see before and when you're lost in the recreation you love you're really living you're living as fully as it's possible to live and you know that's the whole idea isn't it have you noticed how most people seem to be waiting to be happy in the future they seem to be so intent on getting through the day they forget to enjoy it it's as though happiness is a distant City to them a city they're striving to reach but happiness is something that must be learned and practiced if were to become skilled at it pushing it out into the indeterminate future involves running the risk that we won't know how to be happy when we get there it's like saying someday when I can afford to buy a piano I'll sit down and play beautiful music it doesn't work that way owning a piano doesn't confer the knowledge of how to play and arriving in a particular stage of life whether it's measured in terms of age or income doesn't mean that will suddenly become happy people a reporter interviewing Jay paul Getty who could at that time of cashed in his chips for several billion dollars ask mr. Getty what is that that money cannot buy and he replied I don't think it can buy health and I don't think it can buy a good time some of the best times ever had didn't cost him any money the fact is that most of the ingredients necessary for happiness are present in the lives of most people every day they're things and conditions for which we need not wait they're ours today and most of them are things were so used to we take them for granted they're the people with whom we live and work our children our homes there's the anticipation of the day and what it will bring the opportunity to work well and honestly so that we can take pride in satisfaction from it and by so doing enjoy our leisure and I rest there's the happiness that should come from being with our friends and our neighbors and the thoughtful person finds happiness and just being alive he enjoys walking on a sunny day but he likes to walk in the rain too he can find happiness from the sound of the surf or the crafting of a fire Abraham Lincoln said that people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be and that seems to be it the making up of the mind happy people are happy most of the time and it must be because they just made up their minds that the alternative doesn't hold much hope of fun if a person must wait until something happens to him to make him happy he's not going to get much fun out of life happiness should not be just the reaction to an how side stimulus rather it should be a state of mind a regular condition that will fail at times because of unfavorable outside stimulus now when you practically tear your little toe off walking barefoot through a darkened room you're not gonna be the happiest person in the neighborhood for the next 10 minutes life is full of things that can cause our happiness our sense of well-being to evaporate for a while knowing that sorrow and disappointment are natural and inevitable conditions of life let's let them be the stimuli to break our happiness rather than leaving it the other way around the way so many seem to have it so be happy now a person can go a long way toward alleviating and understanding his discontent if he will understand the perverse nature of the human being when a person works too hard it just works for a long steady time he becomes discontented and once rest and relaxation when he relaxes too long he seeks work when he's around too many people for too long he longs for solitude when he's alone too long he longs for human companionship the young and videoed a person along for the years to quickly pass the older envy the young and often wish they could somehow turn back the clock of time you'll be a lot happier and have a much better sense of humor if you understand that it's an integral and indiscernible part of human nature to become dissatisfied to want what you don't have at the moment moments of complete and blissful satisfaction are wonderful but rare and soon give way to a nagging desire for something else and that's good if we understand this part of ourselves we can avoid frustration it is this godlike discontent that lurks in the growing person that's responsible for all human progress that our discontent is also responsible for a great deal of pain and unnecessary suffering is simply the other side of the corinne do you remember the old fable about the fisherman who caught a magic prince in the form of a fish and the fish told the fisherman that if he's letting go the fish would grant any wish the fisherman let him go talked it over with his wife and they started wishing each time their wish was granted they then wish for something greater finally they lived in a great gleaming castle with hundreds of servants but it wasn't enough the wife wanted them to control the Sun to make it obedient to her whim and when the fisherman asked for this wish the Finny Prince was disgusted and took away everything they were once again in the simple shack thanks sir when the old fables it's the commentary on human nature and it comes uncomfortably close to the truth we say if only I had such-and-such I'd be completely happy for the rest of my life it isn't true as soon as we have such-and-such for a while a surprisingly short while we then want something else discontent comes with the territory it comes with being human are you discontented if you are that's good that's why we're not still squatting in a filthy drafty cave and grunting and scratching divine discontent to understand it is to use it properly let me give you some tips on how to be miserable and don't laugh there are literally millions of people who wouldn't trade their daily misery for all the gold in the world you may know some of them in fact if you know ten people you probably know several of them this may be an exaggeration and a may not to the first step to real professional type solid unremitting misery is to get all wrapped up in yourself and your problems real or imagined become a kind of island surrounded on every side by yourself by turning all of your thoughts inward upon yourself you can naturally not spend much or any time thinking of others and other things and so finally the outside world the real world will disappear into a kind of Hitchcock type fog you know the world is there because every once in a while you'll bump into it but for the most part it will be murky and indistinguishable and it's right here that you have to understand an important but little-known fact the type of person who turns inward upon himself doesn't have much in the wisdom Department or it never do it and as a result he doesn't have much to turn inward upon he finds a kind of vacuum so he must then invent things and he invents things like the world is against him which is the worst possible kind of conceit the world isn't against him it doesn't even know he exists and as a result it ignores him completely so since this person doesn't get much attention from this attitude he tries to get attention through various other means one is to hunt for illnesses of various kinds if you look long enough and it doesn't take long you can find symptoms of any condition or disease known to man and some that are unknown ranging from yours to rabies with your newfound illness you've got something with which you hope to make everyone else as miserable as you are so you tell them about it they don't want to hear about it but you tell them anyway and you watch for signs of sympathy and at first you get them so you think you've got it made and and you keep this up with new and interesting medical problems you wake up every morning feeling rotten and you left the world know about it but soon you detective change people begin to walk away as you approach they don't want to hear your deadly recitation anymore even your family turns an uninterested deaf ear to your protestations of being on the brink of a slow and painful death well this makes you angry so childlike you cry out that nobody cares whether you live or die and by this time you're pretty close to the truth so the bitterness deepens the misery thickens and you draw farther and farther back into your cave shouting implications of the world throwing an occasional stone at a passerby and in general making a complete ass of yourself well there you have it one of the best and most common formulas for being miserable and making those around you miserable as well and it all starts with becoming too wrapped up in yourself feeling that you're important somehow Samuel Johnson wrote many of our miseries are merely comparative we're often made unhappy not by the presence of any real evil but by the absence of some fictitious good and a Hindu proverb says the miserable are very talkative and they are aren't they I ran across something interesting called the master word it's about a word that will work wonders for a person regardless of his age or what he does with his days man woman a child the master word will bring meaning and usefulness into his or her life new clarity and self respect and satisfaction into the passing days this was written by the great physician Sir William though little the master word looms large in meaning it is the Open Sesame to every portal the great equalizer the Philosopher's Stone which transmits all base metal of humanity into gold the stupid it will make bright the bright brilliant and the brilliant steady to youth it brings hope to the middle-aged confidence to the aged repose you know what the master where it is well guess I used it in my opening comments today did you recognize it well the master word is work I've talked about this before but it's been said that we need reminding as much as we need educating human beings have the strangest and most perverse tendency to take the best parts of life for granted in fact the human being has the capacity to take anything no matter how great it might be for granted once he becomes used to it the actor in front of the camera is the captain of a great ocean liner the man of the controls of a giant earthmoving machine the writer the painter the mother all seemed to let the charm and excitement of their work fade after a while until it becomes as humdrum to them as candling eggs William Osler and the other great men of the past and present knew the real value of work not just its value to those who benefit from it but its incalculably great value to the person performing it these people seem to have the capacity for never taking their work for granted instead they found it filled with interest and reward and became great because they did I was talking that long ago with a top executive of one of our major oil companies he started his career working as a helper in a service station of the company whose nationwide sales he now directs why did he happen to see so much opportunity adventure and reward hidden in what the average person would consider to be the most menial and uninteresting work it makes you wonder how how many young men in the same work today are looking beyond the gas tank they're filling are the windshield they're cleaning and it makes you wanted to how a person can take his most precious possessions for granted until they become dull and dreary or lose their charm and become uninteresting loved ones his home his health his abilities and his work what happened to the excitement of the first days when his wife his home and children and his work were new in his life like the finest silver these valuable things need regular polishing and regardless of what it is we do with our days they should be kept as bright as they were in the beginning in this way they can lead us to the new and even more interesting years ahead dr. Paul Shearer speaking of jobs impatience to get immediate and direct answers to his questions said greatness and peace and happiness are simply not proper ends for any human soul to set for itself they are the byproducts of a life that has held steady like a ship at sea to some true course worth sailing terrific isn't it greatness and peace and happiness and not proper ends for any human soul to set for itself they are the byproducts of a life that has held steady like a ship at sea to some true course worth sailing in other words if the course to which you're holding is right everything helps you one who comes by-products some true course how does a person find some true course worth sailing I remember some time back a man came to me for advice on how he might become a popular sought-after platform speaker he told me he enjoyed making speeches and wanted to make a career of it I asked him what he wanted to say and drew a complete blank it became clear that he was ready to speak on any subject the entertainment committee wanted him to speak on it wasn't the subject it was just that he wanted to make speeches I told him that he'd never become a great and sought-after speaker until he had something he wanted very much to say something inside of him that burned to get out that he felt needed telling speakers become great because of what they want to say greatness follows the zeal of this subject and it's the same with some other true course worth sailing a person needs to find the course in which he can lose himself dedicate himself and then the greatness and the peace and the happiness will come to him naturally as the bee comes to the blooming flower or a child runs to its parents people who find their lives filled with confusion and uncertainty with boredom and I'm - need to find a meaningful vehicle for their lives something in which they can lose themselves completely it needn't be some great cause although it can be it can be found usually and I present work as a rule it needs only be ferreted out we need to know we need to become in the words of dr. Maslow self-actualizing we need to become people who are steadily moving toward fulfillment toward personal enrichment dr. J Wallace Hamilton puts it pretty well when he asks and answers his own question he writes what then are the basic laws of happiness and how do we learn them I suppose the clearest law upon which there's fundamental agreement is that this inner music of the soul which we've named happiness is essentially and inevitably a by-product that it comes invariably by indirection to pursue it two pumps upon it to go directly after it is the surest way not to obtain it people who make a mission of seeking happiness miss it and people who talk loudly about the right to be happy seldom are it's a byproduct an agreeable thing added in the pursuit of something else way back in the days of sailing ships sailors who ventured into Antarctic waters would occasionally see a strange and awe inspiring sight they see a great iceberg towering a high out of the sea moving against the wind now since they depended upon the wind to drive their ships they were keenly aware of its direction and to see this great shining apparently inanimate monolith of ice moving mysteriously into the teeth of the wind was to them uncomfortably curious it was not until much later that students of the sea learned of the great currents which like titanic rivers moved their mysterious ways through the body of the sea these icebergs some so huge that it took days to sail past them had their roots 90% of their bulk caught in these great currents and they moved majestically along their way regardless of the winds and tides on the surface I like this story because to me it's a wonderful example of the way a person should live his life a person should have his roots deep in a great moving current a moving stream of conscious direction which will keep him on course saving steadily toward the destination he's chosen regardless of the economic and social winds that blow first this way and then that on the surface in such a life there's no great hurry no frantic running about no doubt or confusion instead each day he moves a little way along his course steadily unrelentingly in one day he doesn't seem to make much headway to the casual observer but like the iceberg is he come back in a week you'll no longer find him at the exact latitude and longitude of a week ago and in a year he have covered a really marvelous distance while most of those about him will still be moving in circles and by fits and starts they'll go tearing past in one day like their hair sped by the turtle if you don't mind my mixing my metaphors but he plod steadily on never looking back thoroughly enjoying the trip and above all he has the wonderful calm knowledge of his destination and knows that each day finds him closing the distance that still separates him from it sometimes in his life as in all lives there are storms which tend to throw him off course and obstacles which for a time may delay him but soon he's right back on course again moving ahead this is the life of the strong serene person the person of wisdom the person who knows the cannot do or become everything in this lifetime so calmly chooses that which he desires and which best fits his proclivity pushing everything else from his line and begins his life's journey the life of such a man a woman always demonstrates the almost unbelievable cumulative effect of time well-spent his steady unswerving use of time seems to make it compound and tell in a very few years he's miles ahead of all but the few who live as he does he's like that great iceberg his roots are firmly held by the steady stream of his belief Emerson thought a point of education that I can never too much insist upon as this tenet that every individual man has a bias which he must obey that it is only as he feels and obeys this that he rightly develops and attains his legitimate power in the world there are few things more interesting than words here's one you can add to your vocabulary and your way of life if you other the word is serendipity ser en di P ity serendipity the meaning of serendipity according to the Oxford Dictionary is the Faculty of making happy and unexpected discoveries by accident and it means also the good things that almost always happen to a person following a bold course of action serendipitous things the word was coined by the British author Horace Walpole who based it on the title of an old fairy tale of three princes of Serendip the princes in the story were always making discoveries of things they were not inquest oh let's say you're trying to invent something frequently you will stumble on to something entirely different and wonderful that you had no idea of discovering well that's what serendipity means now the point I want to make is that you wouldn't have made the serendipitous discovery if you hadn't been looking for something else how bet you've heard people say of someone that's the luckiest guy in the world but if you'll get to know the man you'll usually find he's a busy positive kind of individual who's always looking for new and interesting ways of doing things someone wants to find luck is something you find when preparedness meets opportunity it just won't happen usually unless a person prepared for it there are lots of interesting and pretty wonderful things that will be happening all the time to a lot more people if people weren't such stick-in-the-muds as a rule take the person who hates his work for example there are millions of people I suppose who actually hate loathe the work they're doing but they stay with it because of some warped sense of security now if they'd find out what it is they really love to do and prepare themselves for it they could cut loose from what they're doing now and the minute they do this word serendipity comes into action the good things that happen to a person following a bold positive course of action it's frequently found that a lot of boredom and frustration in our work comes from not knowing enough about it you'd be surprised at the number of people who know only their own job and that in a limited way and who have no idea what's going on in the rest of their business frequently a person in any given line of work can find interest challenged and just the job he's looking for right in his own business or industry if he's just taking the time to find out more about it one of the greatest explorers who ever lived Captain James Cook began as an ordinary seaman in four years he had learned enough to become a master of his own ship and later made the discoveries that of course made him famous a happy successful serendipitous life beginning as a common seaman another common seaman named Joseph Conrad studied and worked his way to become a ship's captain and later wrote the wonderful stories of the sea that made him loved and famous there isn't a single line of work where this hasn't happened I just picked beginning as a common seaman as an example because that's fairly a small beginning but the same applies to anything else serendipity it's quite a word and it'll apply to whatever you do for a living sometime back I was in San Diego for a meeting and I met a wonderful young couple who've been married only a few days handsome young intelligent lad it was a pleasure to see them together after the meeting they drove me back to my hotel in Mission Bay and we got to talking about marriage I mentioned to them what HL Mencken had said to reporters who asked him what he thought the secret to a happy marriage was they had probably expected one of his devastating iconoclastic comments but his reply simply was courtesy there's the secret to happiness in marriage and convinced of it no matter how you turn that word it comes out winning the young couple was thoughtful and they agreed with me courtship marriage should have its foundation on love and mutual respect but the years ahead a lifetime together will depend upon that word Menken passed along as the secret of a happy marriage courtesy if a man and woman will be courteous to each other they'll never take each other for granted their marriage will never become dull and common and stale courtesy is the thing that keeps a love fresh and alive it's a strange thing but if there's one person on the face of the earth you should show courtesy to it should be the person to whom you're married that person before anyone else and yet well you know as well as I do that in all too many homes that's the last person to be treated with courtesy thoughtfulness and respect it takes thought and to be courteous everyday to the person you're married to and that's exactly what makes a marriage work thoughtfulness and working at it people often think there's some kind of mystery to a really great and successful marriage there's no mystery at all everything operates on the same law cause and effect the yard around your house will reflect exactly the care you're giving it it can return to you in beauty and abundance no more than you put into it it's impossible it's the same with a a job a business a human life a marriage with everything no secret no mystery you can tell exactly precisely what people are putting into a marriage by observing what the marriage is returning to them and the most important ingredient is courtesy how do you feel toward anyone who treats you with courtesy and respect you like that person and you like to be around him and when this same common sense is applied to the one person on earth you've decided to spend your life with it takes on whole worlds of new meaning and builds a foundation of solid rock under the love you have for each other the children grow up taking courtesy as a matter of course they see the fine and gentle way their parents treat each other and they'll know how to treat their partners someday courtesy one word in the English language that can make of a marriage a thing of warmth and beauty if it's there or a living hell if it is back in the days of ancient Rome during the years of the Caesars there was a person whose only job was to hold a laurel wreath over the head of the Caesar and from time to time in tone the words thou art mortal now the purpose of this was to remind the man in whom such great powers resided that he too was after all only a man and as such mortal when we're young we tend to think of life as never-ending time for a stretches awful limitlessly into the future but as we get older even in our 40s which should be a time of vigor interest in activity really a time of young maturity we begin to get from time to time small reminders of our mortality or what might be a sudden shortness of breath or a perfectly normal twinge in the chest a bit of back trouble but we get these occasional reminders that time is not after all standing still for us that we like these theses of old are indeed mortal to the neurotic this sort of reminder fell seam of dread and plunges him into even deeper depression but to the fairly normal reasonably well-adjusted person this comes as a reminder to enjoy to the fullest the time that is remaining that days are not things to be waited through until Saturday or a birthday or Christmas but rather to be savored and enjoyed one by one hour by hour we come to an understanding that to kill time as we so aptly put it is really nothing more than to kill a little part of ourselves since time is all we have it reminds us to at least it should to be more patient more tolerant of others particularly those we love if we're mature enough to love anyone it means exactly that and it reminds us to follow our hunches and obey our sudden impulses especially those which involve a kind word or a pat on the back or a sign of tenderness those we love as well as ourselves are only passengers for the journeys duration so let's let them know we enjoy sharing it with them and if we don't always enjoy it let's fake it let's pretend we do after all the trip really isn't all that long I saw a newspaper picture not long ago of a woman of 75 ice skating it reminded me that 75 is only older people under 60 the people 75 it's a good thoroughly enjoyable age and maybe we'll all live to be 85 or 95 and maybe we won't in any case there is a limit and this should be here it wouldn't be there and since there is why not relax a little not take things too seriously and there's an old friend of mine once said in a life where death is inevitable never worry about anything sure it's easier said than done I remember reading a story about an old man who was planning a young tree in his yard his neighbor hailed him I said what are you planting the tree for you'll never live to see it grown and the old man calmly went on with his planning and said I believe you have to plan on dying tomorrow or living forever well I'm not planning on dying tomorrow George Santayana once wrote that there's no cure for birth and death saved to enjoy the interval is no cure for birth and death saved to enjoy the interval you know it's being reminded to something like that which can shake a person up a little bit never thought much about how much time we waste and unhappiness we bring on ourselves by worrying about the future and reliving in our minds the mistakes of the past one of the neatest tricks in the world is to learn to enjoy the present since the present is the only time we'll ever own distance is no longer a serious obstacle due to modern means to travel but time remains unconquered it cannot be expanded accumulated mortgaged hastened or retarded it's the one thing completely beyond man's control and while the supply of time is certainly limited for anyone generally it's squandered as though there's no end to it the man on the commuter train board waiting to get home and waiting for dinner then waiting to go to bed or for a particular television program and he thus spends his time slightly behind reality waiting for something that's coming up and while it'll keep him going he never or seldom learns to enjoy the time he's using right now but what it takes seems to be an awareness of living it means being aware that you're alive at this moment and that the world and people are interesting enough at any time so that we needn't waste so precious a thing as time in boredom if we know where we're going in the future we can do our work the best we can give it everything we've got and we don't need to worry about it or the future and as for reliving our mistakes of the past this is the easiest advice on earth to give and probably the most difficult on earth to follow everybody knows that it's perfectly useless to relive in our minds that dumb stunts we've pulled in the past but this doesn't keep us from doing it and again according to the experts the solution may be found in living for the present and enjoying it as much as we can now this does not mean that we should not plan for the future we should but once their plans are laid fine work on them but don't stew and fret over them all we will ever have is today yesterday is gone forever can never be recalled and tomorrow really never comes if we find it difficult to enjoy the day in which were living we should remember that what we're waiting for will be made up of the same kind of days we're getting now frequently a person who's unhappy by nature will believe that when something happens in the future such as marriage a better job more money or whatever it happens to be that it'll suddenly be a happy person but the facts don't bear that out if we're living in the past or worrying or hoping for happiness in the future the best thing we can do is ask ourselves how am i doing with the days I'm getting right now how am i doing today it's not how much we have but how much we enjoy that makes happiness try that business of being aware of the present and its possibilities and the chances are you'll enjoy it the head of a great corporation died in his New York office of a heart attack later when it came time to clean out his desk and collect his personal effects the hand fishing line wrapped on a stick complete with Barbara's sinker and rusted hook was found in his bottom desk drawer it was probably the one he'd use as a small boy on the farm in the Midwest had that relic of younger carefree days represented his real dream of what living was all about he had gone to school found a job got married worked hard purchased a home on the installment plan and the other niceties of living children had come along and there was their education to think about there were the promotions that came from hard work and native ability in the passing of the years there were the clubs and civic things the professional associations the crises on the job and at home and finally the top job with a company that had grown very much largely with the passing of 30 years the top job with its responsibilities to stockholders employees customers research and development finance the kids were out of school too made themselves now it all happened so fast and was no real plan of any kind it had been schooled and job then worked in promotions and family and income problems and suddenly there he was on top of the pile and rummaging in his things in the Attic of the basement one day he had come across that old worn-out fishing outfit with his tiny hook four blue gills and the red barber with the paint all peeled off the string had almost come apart in his hands that he'd sat there and remembered that cool little creek with the summer smell of it and the green moss along the bank the frogs popping into the water in the water bugs skimming in the Willows along the bank he remembered the excitement of seeing that bobber suddenly disappear in the frantic tug of the fish on the line and finally a nice string of them for dinner and suddenly he had wanted to go back he had realized that that had been living that that had been real and elemental and unsatisfying and somehow he hadn't done enough of it he hadn't had the time to jessica's sit on a banking fish for a while and she won a twig and feel the Sun on his back and wait for the Barbara to disappear the time and the leisure to listen to the voice inside and get things straightened out in his mind as to what was important and what wasn't things like goals and roles so someone had called him and he put the fishing outfit in his jacket pocket and he'd thought about the next morning - when he took the outfit to his office and looked at it again and then finally put it down in that bottom drawer tucked away out of sight but not out of mind and then there'd been the coronary and that had been the end of that the fishing outfit was still in the bottom drawer then when his wife went through the effects that they had sent home from the office she sat with the fishing outfit in her hands for a long time she saw him as a little boy - and maybe one day divided the course he'd chosen in interviews with very old people people who realize that their remaining time is drawing to a close you feel me hear them say I waited too long to start living when the researchers or others who hear this kind of response are young they find it strange but what these older people mean is they often fail to enjoy life even during the years that they were living at most fully and it seems that most people during the richest and fullest years of their lives failed to develop and awareness of living and enjoyment of the living it's like the person who puts the best china and silver and linen away for some future time or very special time and dies before any of its ever used or it's like the person who put seat covers in his car and thus passes on to the second person to buy it brand new upholstery that he himself never used or enjoyed and so millions of people with the miracle of sight and never really see the world about them until it's practically too late millions with the inborn capacity to love and to know that your way that loving brings wait too long to express it they lived through the passing years without really being aware of the days of the riches that are passing through the hands a few people that seems developed an awareness of daily living in possession of the miracle of life they passed through their days like automatons in possession of the greatest gift on earth life itself they tell us by their actions that they don't even know they have it and haven't the slightest conception of its value let alone an awareness that is to be enjoyed to the fullest every day I remember reading an account of a famous show business personality a woman of Greek talent who is she made the announcement of her impending fourth or fifth marriage said after all these years I'm finally going to be happy she thought another husband could somehow give her something she should have been enjoying all along she obviously had no idea as to what happiness is where it's to be found or what living is all about and she belongs to a big club it's only when life is threatened that a conception of its value begins to dawn on the average person a man prodded a kidnapping for months his mind was filled with the thought of the million dollar ransom he was going to get more important to him he thought at the time than anything else on earth yet when he was surprised by the police he dropped the suitcase containing the ransom and ran for dear life ran for dear life it took the sudden threat of death to put things in their proper order for this poor stooop person it's amazing isn't it how few people seem to get the word most people place the greatest value on the cheapest things in life while the greatest of all life itself those are noticed the most fortunate people in the world are those who have the wisdom to place value where it belongs those who have an awareness of life I read a great Greek poem once by a Fafi titled I believe it was titled journey to Ithaca something like that which reminds us that it is the voyage and the adventures on the way that count not the arrival itself this seems to be the most difficult truth to understand this is not to say that a man's goal in life is unimportant on a country is vital for without a goal a distant destination we would not begin the trip at all instead of an odyssey we've ever running around in circles and endless following of the shoreline around and around a tiny island every man needs a great and distant goal toward which to strive but in travelling toward it he should try to keep in mind that the fabled land he seeks as sure as much like the one he left behind that its purpose is not so much a resting place but rather the reason for the trip where a person goes is not nearly as important as how he gets there that a house is built is not important it's the manner in which it's built that makes it great poor or average that we live is not nearly as important as the manner in which we live I think it's in misunderstanding this that often keeps people in a state of unhappiness and anxiety they forget what they're really looking for or what they really should be looking for the discovery of themselves this is the island toward which everyone should journey it's a difficult journey be set like the travels of Ulysses with many dangers and hardships but it gives meaning to life and there are many rich rewards to be found along the way it means asking the questions that are hard to answer questions like what am I going why am I going there what is it that I really want and why do I want it am I making the best possible use of myself as a person am i gradually realizing my real potential am i discovering my best talents and abilities and using them to their fullest am i living fully extended in my one chance at life on earth am I really living Who am I these are the questions everyone must ask himself and find the answers to as Emerson wrote though we travel the world over to find the beautiful we must carry it with us or we find it not whatever it is you're looking for must first be found within yourself whether it be peace happiness riches or great accomplishments everything we do outwardly is only an expression of what we are inwardly to ask for anything else is as absurd as looking for apples on an oak tree so the person who knows what he wants knows what he must become and so he fixes his attention on the preparation and development of himself and as he grows toward the ideal he holds in his mind he finds interest zest and joy on the journey he looks forward to tomorrow but he also enjoys today for it's the tomorrow he looked forward to yesterday he knows that if he cannot find meaning and value in his present it will very likely be missing from his future today is the future of five years ago these are questions that need answering some 4,500 years ago one of the most inspiring thoughts the world's ever produced was written in Sanskrit and here's its translation it goes look well to this one day for it and it alone is life in the brief course of this one day lie all the verities and realities of your existence the pride of growth the glory of action the splendor of beauty yesterday is only a dream and tomorrow is but a vision yet each day well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and each tomorrow a vision of Hope look well therefore to this one day for it and it alone is life with that one bit of ancient philosophy and little else a person could live an ideal and richly successful life it applies to everyone in every walk of life certainly the student the teacher the businessperson the worker whatever his task may be the housewife the politician the Kuragin I remember reading somewhere about a businessman who visits his barber shop every morning for half an hour he doesn't want to shave a haircut every morning he buys stretched out in the chair with a hot towel on his face not just because it's soothing and relaxing but so no one will recognize him speak to him and during that half hour he gets himself organized mentally for the day ahead sounds like a good idea but I think everyone could accomplish much the same thing by sitting quietly and slowly reading that great piece of wisdom from the sanskrit look well to this one day for it and it alone is life it's true today right now it's all the life there is for any person on earth we can look toward and plan for the future certainly but if we pass up living and enjoying today we're passing up all we've got for something we hope to get in the brief course of this one day by all the verities and realities of your existence the pride of growth the glory of action the splendor of beauty in reading and thinking of this at the beginning of each new day we could remind ourselves of these points the truth and reality of our lives in themselves a miracle and we would remind ourselves of the duty to grow a little as persons to rise above the petty and the trivial to become stronger and more serene and we would remind ourselves to take some action calculated to move us our nots closer to our goals and toward fulfillment as persons and to recognize and be aware of the beauty around us the proof of the greatness and the truth of this piece of writing is in the fact that it successfully withstood the test of time and has endured for more than 4000 years it's as modern and important today as it was the day at first flashed across the mind of some person whose name has long been forgotten and it'll be just as important to thinking men and women 4000 years from today for real truth is as ageless as the mountains as enduring as the sea Emerson wrote there is a time in every man's education when he arrives at the conviction that Envy is ignorant that imitation is suicide that he must take himself for better or worse as his portion and that though the wide universe is full of good no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but through the toil bestowed on that part of ground which has given him to till the power which resides in him is new in nature and none but he knows what that is which he can do nor does he know and to be stride trust thyself every heart vibrates to that iron string there is a bit of advice that a person would do well to reflect upon every morning of his life no one can even estimate the number of people with nervous anxious unhappy lives because they daily attempt the impossible which is to be like someone else there people who don't realize the truth of Emerson's words that envious ignorance that imitation is suicide he must have used the word suicide because we have to kill that which is natural in ourselves when we attempt to be like someone else they need to recognize the truth also that the power that resides in them is new in nature that it has never appeared before incest that way on earth that if they learn about and develop their own powers they'll have no need of envy or imitation envious ignorance because it means a person is ignorant of his own powers and abilities is one of a kind natural talent he's never looked within himself for his own road to greatness but instead seeks it in the lives of others and when he fails to succeed as do those he envies as fairly must because he can't possibly be exactly like them his image of himself shrinks not understanding that he is unlike those he envies he doesn't realize that this simple fact lies at the bottom of his failure nor does he understand that he can be as successful as anyone on earth if he will build upon that power that resides in him as emerson put it the power which resides in him is new in nature and none but he knows what that is which he can do nor does he know until he's tried this is why a parent is off base when he says to a child why aren't you like so-and-so like a brother or some model child look what he's doing the parent doesn't understand that it's a human impossibility for the child to be like so-and-so and to do what he does in the same way instead a parent would be wise to say don't worry about so-and-so he's found his strength and he's building on it you have a strength of your own and when you find it you can build it just as high and then those great words trust thyself every heart vibrates to that iron string when a person finds himself when he stops imitating and envying others there's something in his nature that says to him this is it you found your Road at last every person is born to be a star at something the purpose of his or her life is to discover it and then to spend his or her years building upon that plot of ground it was given to him and to her to tell what makes you happy will depend upon your own personal nature which is different in many ways from that of any other human being to try to find happiness by doing what seems to make others happy is to fall headfirst into the identity trap so writes Harry Brown in his book how I found freedom in an unfree world mine's an Avon paperback he believes that there are two identity traps one the belief that you should be someone other than yourself and two the assumption that others will do things in the way that you would now these are the basic traps of which many others are variations in the first trap you necessarily forfeit your freedom by requiring yourself to live in a stereotyped predetermined way that doesn't consider your own desires feeling and objectives the second trap is more subtle but just as harmful if freedom when you expect someone to have the same ideas attitudes and feelings that you have you expect him to act in ways that aren't in keeping with his nature as a result you'll expect and hope that people will do things they're not capable of doing others can suggest what you should do or what ought to make you happy but they'll often be wrong you have to determine for yourself who you are what makes you happy what you're capable of doing and what you want to do the open suggestions but never forfeit the power to make the final decision yourself only then can you act in ways that will bring you happiness you're in the identity trap when you let others determine what's right or wrong for you when you live by unquestioned rules that define how you should act and think your any identity trap says mr. Brown when you try to be interested in something because it's expected of you or when you try to do the things that others have said you should do or when you try to live up to an image that others say is the only legitimate valid image you're allowed to have you're in the identity trap if you allow others to define labels and impose them upon you such as going to PTA meetings because that's what's so-called good parents are supposed to do are going to visit your parents every Sunday because a good child would never do less or giving up your career because a so-called good wife puts her husband's career first you're in the identity trap if you feign an interest in ecology to prove your civic interest or give to the poor to prove you aren't selfish or study dull subjects to appear to be intellectual you're in the identity trap if you buy an expensive car to prove you're successful or a small foreign car because your friends are anti Detroit or if you shave everyday to prove you're respectable or let your hair grow long to prove you don't conform in any of these ways you allow someone else to determine what you should think and be you deny your own self when you suppress desires that aren't considered legitimate or when you try to appear to be having fun because everyone else is or when you settle for a certain life because you've been told that's all you should expect in the world a little book that's meant a great deal to me and I suppose thousands of others is as a man thinketh by James Allen one of the chapters of the book is entitled visions and ideals and it's one of the most beautiful things I've ever read it goes like this the dreamers are the saviors of the world as the visible world is sustained by the invisible so men through all their trials and sins and sordid vocations are nourished by the beautiful visions of their solitary dreamers humanity cannot forget it's dreamers it cannot let their ideals fade and die it lives in them it knows them as the realities which it shall when they see and know composer sculptor painter poet prophet sage these are the makers of the afterworld the architects in heaven the world is beautiful because they've lived without them laboring humanity would perish he who cherishes a beautiful vision a lofty ideal in his heart will one day realize it columbus cherished a vision of another world and he discovered it Copernicus fostered the vision of a multiplicity of worlds and a wider universe and he revealed it Buddha beheld the vision of a spiritual world a stainless beauty and perfect peace and he entered into it Sara share visions cherish your ideals cherish the music that stirs in your heart the beauty that forms in your mind the loveliness that drapes your purest thoughts for out of them will grow all delightful conditions all heavenly environment of these if you but remain true to them your world will at last be built to desire is to obtain to aspire is to achieve shall man's basest desires receive the fullest measure of gratification and his purest aspiration starved for lack of sustenance such is not the law such a condition of things can never obtain ask and receive dream lofty dreams and as you dream so shall you become your vision is the promise of what you shall one day your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil the greatest achievement was at first and for a time a dream the oak sleeps in the Acorn the bird waits in the egg and in the highest vision of the soul a waking angel stirs dreams are the seedlings of realities your circumstances may be uncongenial but they shall not long remain so if you but perceive an ideal and strive to reach it you cannot travel within and stand still without you will realize the vision not the idle wish of your heart be it base or beautiful or a mixture of both for you will always gravitate toward that which you secretly most love into your hands will be placed the exact results of your own thoughts you will receive that which you earn no more no less dream lofty dreams and as you dream so shall you become your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil here's something worth keeping in mind if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours it was written by Henry Thoreau and it contains the truth most people don't even dream exists if they did the entire country might be turned into total chaos the truth most of us missed in that great quotation is that success beyond anything we might now imagine lies in wait for those who can put together enough courage to actually live the life they imagined you know most people live in two worlds there's the real world the world in which they move and work and live the world of the nitty-gritty and there's the world of the imagination the world they would secretly like to live in and what keeps them from moving from the world of reality into the world of their imagination his habit and the fear of falling flat on their faces in the attempt and losing even the little that they presently have and perhaps looking ridiculous in the eyes of their loved ones and friends there the Walter Mitty's of the world were all Walter Mitty's to some extent what we fail to realize is what Thoreau discovered that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours Thoreau knew this because he did it so did Paul Gauguin the painter some of thousands of others who have found that the line and surprised that life pays off most handsomely when we're doing that which we most want to do when we're actually living the life we've imagined for so long well that doesn't mean that we run off after every vagrant whim but it does mean that we should live the life that we know deep down in our very being we would most like to live it means that we should be doing that which every indicator of our makeup every fiber of our being tells us we should be doing and has been telling us for some time Cogan didn't tear off the Tahiti the first time that delightful thought popped into his strange head nor did Thoreau gonna live at Walden Pond the first time the idea struck him to go off by himself and meditate and think and write and try to discover for himself what was important and what wasn't but when an idea tugs at us day after day year after year when we think about it as we lie awake in bed or the first thing when we wake up every time there's a lull in our days when it worries our consciousness like a puppy with a slipper then it's time to do something about it and even though making the move might seem to jeopardize everything of order in our lives it's very likely as Thoreau suggested that we will meet with a success unexpected in common hours the most commonly voiced thought after taking such a step is why didn't I do this years ago Emrys said a man should learn to detect and watch that gleam of light which flashes across his mind from within more than the lustre of the firmament of bards and sages yet he dismisses without notice his thought because it's his once upon a time there was a man who felt he'd reached the end of his rope it seemed that all the interest had suddenly vanished from his life his creative wells had seemingly dried up he still had his work but it suddenly seemed meaningless to him even his family and his home receded darkly in his mind finally nearing the point of desperation he went to see his old friend the family doctor the doctor listened to his story saw the depth of his depression and then asked him when you were a child what did you like to do best and he answered I like to visit the seashore all right the doctor said you must do exactly as I tell you I want you to spend all day tomorrow at the shore find a lonely stretch of beach and spend the entire day there from 9:00 in the morning until 6:00 in the evening take nothing to read and do nothing calculated to distract you in any way I'm going to give you four prescriptions in order take the first at 9:00 the second at 12:00 noon the third at three o'clock and the last at six don't look at the mail wait until you arrive at the shore tomorrow morning well the man promised he'd take the doctor's advice and the next morning a little before 9:00 he parked his car in a lonely stretch of beach there was a strong wind blowing him from the sea and the surf was high and pounding he walked to a sand dune near the seething surf that sat down he took out prescription number one opened it and read it it said listen that was all that was written on it the one word to listen and so for three hours that's all he did he listened to the sound of the buffeting wind and the lonely cries of the gulls he listened to the sound of the booming surf he sat quietly and he listened at noon he took out and read the second prescription this said simply back and so for the next three hours he did just that he that his mind go back as far as it could go and he thought of all the incidents of his life that he could remember the happy times that good times the struggles and the successes at three o'clock he tore open the third prescription it said re-examine your motives and this took so much intense thought and concentration that the remaining three hours slipped quickly by for three hours he reexamined his motives his reasons for living and moving closer to fulfillment he clarified and restated his goals and at six o'clock and red gray darkening sky with a taste of self spray on the wind he read the fourth and final prescription it read write your worries in the sand there had been one thing that had been worrying him particularly so he walked to the hard sand and with a stick wrote this worry in the sand and stood looking at it for a moment then as he walked toward his car he looked back and saw that the incoming tide had already erased his worry he got in his car and drove homeward my old friend norman vincent peale told me that story some years back about the man the seashore and the four prescriptions listened reach back re-examine your motives and then let your worries in the sand dr. Kenneth Hildebrand for many years a midwestern minister and author of the book achieving real happiness told of a woman who was married to a cruel shiftless alcoholic when drunk he would beat her in the children that's accumulated often there was no food in the house when the eldest child was seven the husband deserted his wife she had no money no credit no business training she had to undergo surgery thus adding to her mountain of debt a few months later the youngest child became ill and died when the father received the news by wire he telegraphed and reply terrible shots sorry to hear the news his heartlessness so angered the woman that she resolved to rear the children without him at whatever cost to herself the following nine years she twirled at any work available she never lost her determination or her sense of humor and she prided herself and not saying or doing anything to turn the children against their father she managed to keep the home together and to make it a cheery one at the end of nine years she married a man who loved her and the children devotedly to encourage other women undergoing difficult experiences she said any woman can bring happiness out of life if she's worthy of happiness her words are what's remembering her happiness and well-being did not depend upon circumstances she was superior to them she rose above them the no woman would enjoy going through what this woman had to endure and every life has its problems but if we permit our circumstances to dictate how we feel an act will relinquishing control of our own lives and it's our attitude toward others in the world that determines what happens to us if the woman I mentioned had not developed her cheerful friendly successful attitude toward her life the chances are excellent that she never would have found the right man and married again he popular fallacy held by almost all young people in a large segment of the older adults is that happiness hinges on present circumstances and congenial surroundings these people think that if their circumstances were better they'd be happy this isn't true if a person cannot find happiness in his daily life now unless he wakes up he will never be happy regardless of his circumstances the fact is whether or not we admitted to ourselves that genuine happiness is hidden in the quiet simplicity's and fundamental virtues of life these cannot be purchased even though you could afford the pay a king's ransom and they have the same time exists for anyone every day of our lives is either successful or unsuccessful if we permit the success of our days to depend upon things such as the weather they talk and the actions of other people and if we concentrate not on what we have but rather on those things we do not have when we become little more than small mirrors of our surroundings what we should remember is that each of us in reality sheeps his world in his own likeness if ours is not a happy world it's because that's the way we see it

Channel: Bee EPiC Daily

Views: 127,635

Rating: 4.8524032 out of 5

Keywords: Happiness, Rapid Success Secret, Time Management, Productivity, Goal Setting, Getting Things Done, Law of Attraction, Success, How to be successful, Keys to Success, Motivation, Mindset, Earl Nightingale, Beejel, Beejal, The Strangest Secret

Id: Gg2w2lHRiFQ

Length: 69min 48sec (4188 seconds)

Published: Wed Jun 19 2019