How To Be A Man

for approximately 80 years the notion of what a man should be like has been heavily influenced by the idea of cool the cast of seductively cool figures includes Humphrey Bogart jean-paul Belmondo Machado Mastriani James Bond Bob Dylan Ryan Gosling and Benedict Cumberbatch the cool man doesn't try too hard you don't see them floundering about in a panic but they succeed anyway they are physically confident they can scale a mountain or saunter down a deserted Street in the middle of the night if they have to kill someone they'll do it neatly with minimal fuss they don't worry they're self-contained and sure of themselves their trousers are always a perfect fit they express themselves briefly but their words are always to the point they're not meek in the face of authority but they don't crave power themselves they are independent the essential characteristic of the cool man is an aura of invulnerability well handled without any showing off or bragging when the house is on fire the cool man doesn't scream or call the fire brigade temperatures rising babe he quips to his current girlfriend as she emerges from the shower then he casually puts out the blaze himself when the waiter spills cocktail over him the cool man doesn't get flustered he removes his jacket and looks even better in his shirt when his boss is being difficult the cool man smiles ironically he can walk away from the job at any moment this is what as a man one is supposed to be like for decades some of the most astute and creative minds have devoted themselves to making this notion of masculinity attractive it's been portrayed as enviable seductive to women and well-dressed and the image has worked it's what you need to be to be a real man and perhaps daily this model of manhood tortures us with the gap between its ideals and our reality but there's another more realistic and more important vision of what a good man is like that's comparatively been given very much less attention and creative encouragement this is the very opposite of the cool man what we call the man the warm man doesn't put out many fires by himself he hasn't killed anyone either he is instead very much alive to his own anxiety he would drop the gun and would tell you he did quite candidly what's distinctive and admirable is the warm man's relationship to this anxiety he's aware of it honest about it funny with it and yet not overwhelmed by it the warm man has a good sense of her demented and fragile we all are so he goes out of his way to reassure to be forgiving and to be gentle he's tried very hard at times to get things to work out better for himself but frequently it just hasn't worked the warm man has known many sorrows he has done stupid things he has lost people he loved he has made daft decisions his weaknesses have made him immensely generous to others when the waiter spills the cocktail the warm hero laughs they've spilt a few cocktails themselves and leaves a generous tip if he can when he forgets someone's name which he does quite often the warm hero is ashamed but frank and says sincerely I'm really sorry I'm very embarrassed I know but it's just slipped my mind forgive me help me out when they've messed up at work to warm person admits it Phil sorry openly apologizes and explains as best he can what actually went wrong and how he might put it right in the future the essence of the warm man is vulnerability well handled he is conscious of his flaws and failings but uses this knowledge to become interestingly humorous and a rich source of sympathy for the secret troubles of every life he encounters ideally one day it will be as desirable to be called warm as it currently is to be labeled cool there will be lists of the 40 warmest men under 40 boys will come home from school and complain to their mothers I can't do it I can't I don't know how to be warm girls at fashionable bars will take mental notes of whether warm guys are sitting and in the secret soul of every man there will be a quiet steady yearning to be as warm as they possibly can we love bringing you these films if you want to help us to keep bringing you thoughtful content please consider supporting us by visiting our shop at the link on your screen now

Channel: The School of Life

Views: 2,340,280

Keywords: the school of life, school, life, education, relationships, mood, alain de botton, sermon, philosophy, lecture, wisdom, London, talk, secular, self, improvement, curriculum, big questions, love, wellness, mindfullness, psychology, Alain, de, botton, how to, be a man, manly, masculine, femanine, female, male, gender roles, stereotypes, hetronormative, femanism, how to behave, PL-Self, कैसे एक आदमी हो, Comment être un homme, 如何成为一个男人, Wie man ein Mann ist, Como ser un hombre, varonil, viril, männlich, 男子气, मर्दाना

Id: lshzZhHAYIs

Length: 4min 33sec (273 seconds)

Published: Mon May 01 2017